


Little Equestrian Academia

by luxrva



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: F/F, Horse AU, It got angsty, Slow Burn, University AU, and there's no magic, because i love horses, definitely smut too, get ready for horsie funsies, get ready to get skin grafts, like it might be painful, sorry - Freeform, sponsored by bourbon, there are lots of horses, they're 19+ in this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2019-09-15 06:37:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 57
Words: 307,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16928331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luxrva/pseuds/luxrva
Summary: Little Witch Academia AU (no magic)Atsuko Kagari is the Captain of the brand new Mounted Games team at Luna Nova University, a private university with a prestigious equestrian program. She's there for two reasons: to compete in her favorite sport and to learn how to make others happy through horses, much like her idol, Chariot du Nord.Well, until she meets Diana Cavendish, the beautiful heiress of Cavendish Veterinary, leader of the Hunt Team, and star rider at Luna Nova.Ride along with Akko as she makes friends, rides ponies, and falls in love!





	1. The Mounted Games Team

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

Akko could sense the other team bearing down on her with each passing moment.

She tightened her grip on the long pole in her hand, leaning dangerously to one side as her mount hurtled forward at full speed, showing little regard for the rapidly approaching fence. The final carton lie just ahead, half buried in sand from where her teammates had unintentionally jostled it. Luckily, the opening was still facing her, so she didn't have to do any deft acrobatics.

Without even needing to think about her movements, she brought her left foot up, still in the stirrup, and hooked it on the cantle of the saddle. Her body dropped low as she hung expertly from the side of the small chestnut mare, who continued at a gallop in an obediently straight line.

With clenched teeth and an unwavering stare, she lowered the pole until it was near parallel with the ground, her knuckles mere inches from scraping the sand. She punched forward and tilted upwards, spearing the open end of the carton and flipping her arm up in one swift movement. Once sure the item was secure at the tip of the pole, she rocked her body to swing effortlessly back into the saddle.

In the lane beside her, she was more than aware of Amanda doing the same. The other girl made no mistake—it was a race.

Akko leaned back hard in the saddle and whipped her torso around. The chestnut mare beneath her, reading the sudden change of posture, whirled with ease, nearly prancing on her two hind legs as she turned in a prompt 180.

"Go, Chariot, go!" Akko yelled, shoving her hand toward the mare's ears and pumping the one elbow that still clutched the reins. Her mare launched forward. She could feel Amanda and Star hot on their heels, breathing down their necks from a mere stride behind.

Star was faster, but Chariot's unrivaled athleticism and deft turn had earned the pair enough of a head start that she and Akko flew across the finish line first, barely a hoof in front of Amanda and Star.

"Yeah, Akko!" Lotte yelled, standing in her stirrups and pumping her fists in the air victoriously. "You did it!"

The short palomino below the small strawberry blonde girl snorted, ears twitching at the raised voice on his back, though his expression spelled sheer boredom as he ignored the encroaching chestnut.

Sucy merely nodded with feigned disinterest from atop her prancing roan gelding, which she managed to hold in a tight circle with a single hand on her black cotton reins. "Not bad," she muttered, stifling a yawn with the back of her free hand.

Akko was beaming. She tossed the pole and carton unceremoniously to the ground between the horses and threw her arms around Chariot's neck, dropping the reins completely.

"Good girl, Chariot!" she cooed, scratching at the mare's withers. "You did great!"

"I almost had you," Amanda said, smirking as she struggled to reel in the now very hyped up Star. She was panting from the effort. "One more stride! If Constanze hadn't missed the hand-off..." she trailed off, throwing a raised eyebrow at their teammate. Star jigged beneath her, tossing his head up and down and chomping at the bit as he continuously tried to bolt from beneath his unperturbed rider.

Constanze shrugged from where she sat on her dappled gray gelding. Jasminka, who was open-mouthed chewing gum and smiling from her chubby paint gelding, merely nodded in agreement with their anchor*.

"Very good, girls," came the approving voice of Miss Nelson. "Jasminka, I would like to see you vaulting* some time in the near future, as you are spending far too much time trying to find the stirrup to get back on. Team up with Amanda, she's our most proficient vaulter-" Amanda put on her most arrogant grin, "-or Akko." The grin twitched. "Sucy, if you could somehow compel yourself to feel some sense of urgency, that would be nice. And Amanda, for the love of God, please stop sending that pony so much damn energy!"

Amanda dismissed Nelson with a wave of her hand, sitting back in the saddle as Star half-reared and turned on his hindquarters. "Aw, he's fine," she said. "He just wants to do his job."

"Well, he won't be able to do his job if he can't focus," Nelson scolded, shaking her head as she watched the feisty bay gelding giving Amanda a hard time. "Miss Kagari," she placed a hand on Chariot's neck and gave her a pat, "Make sure everyone gets cooled out. And just so all of you know, we're hacking tomorrow. I don't need your ponies," she leveled her stare at Amanda and a pawing Star, "losing their minds."

Akko nodded. As Captain of the brand new Luna Nova Mounted Games* team, she had very few responsibilities aside from sorting out team line-ups and keeping track of attendance, but Nelson liked to defer leadership to her at any given chance.

As Nelson walked off to start picking up the scattered equipment, Akko turned in the saddle to grin at her team. "Want to walk down the lane today?" She loved the lane, which was the center cobblestone walkway that wound through the massive grounds that made up the stables around the University. It was lined with trees, different arenas for the variety of sports, the old brick buildings that held their classes, and pastures spotted with horses. In a sense, gorgeous.

The chorus of groans from every other girl but Lotte told her that her idea had not been well received.

"Then we have to go by those snobby hunters," Amanda moaned. "I can't stand them."

Akko scrunched her eyebrows together, looking between the disapproving faces of her teammates. "They can't be  _that_  bad, can they?"

"You haven't been here long enough to find out," Amanda mumbled, swiping at a bead of sweat that had trickled down her cheek. Her wild red hair was jutting out from beneath her helmet at crazy angles. "You'll find out how miserable they are soon."

It was true, Akko  _hadn't_  been at Luna Nova University for long, but it had been a lifelong dream of hers to get accepted into the prestigious private university. So, when the school decided to offer scholarships for a brand new Mounted Games program, which happened to be a very under-rated and new discipline that Akko was  _very_  good at, she had decided to try out. She practiced night and day for the selection, and, when the day came, Akko and her little chestnut mare, Shiny Chariot, had decimated the competition. So, not only had she gotten a formal invitation to the college of her dreams, she had also been coined Captain. Which added quite a bit of tension, as the assignment was very much to the dismay of Amanda O'Neill and her prized pony, Shooting Star. In the end, though, everything had worked out, because she had been able to finish most of her general education classes at a local university for her freshman year. Going to Luna Nova for her entire education would have been ideal, but her parents certainly couldn't afford it without the scholarship—besides, in Akko's mind, better late than never!

Plus, right off the bat, she'd made lifelong friends in her two roommates, Lotte and Sucy. Even if Sucy wasn't on the same page yet. And, of course, she also got along well with Constanze and Jasminka. Amanda was a different story, though. Akko still considered them on friend terms, even if the hard-headed girl often disagreed with line-ups—which usually ended up in a screaming match.

As Akko led the team from the arena and down the cobblestone path, she thought about how amazing it was to have the opportunity to ride for Luna Nova. The school was old and beautiful, with rolling green fields, massive pastures, miles of beautiful trails and lines of towering trees that loomed in a vast canvas of red, orange, and yellow with the onset of autumn. It was a far cry from Akko's native country of Japan, and Akko had to admit that she was a little bit homesick, but it was certainly a gorgeous country.

Possibly the best part of Luna Nova was the stables. They were state-of-the-art, constructed from imported Irish limestone and rich, polished mahogany. The stalls were massive and cozy, and Akko had been excited to find that Chariot would even be treated with an automatic water trough (that was heated in the winter, too!) and her own private paddock.

The shoes of the six ponies played a comforting melody as the team meandered down the long stone lane. In a smaller arena to their left, a dressage rider was practicing a piaffe. In another, a girl was lunging a massive gray horse who seemed more than happy to trot in an obedient circle. Ahead, three riders were gathered in the center of a modest jump course.

Akko watched, vaguely listening to Lotte and Jasminka's conversation about their upcoming friendly with Appleton. Her eyes trained on a rather elegant rider who had urged a tall, muscular bay horse into a rocking canter. She found herself staring at the gentle hands of the rider, the muscles of her legs bulging beneath skin-tight tan breeches, the still seat firmly pushing into the glistening leather of what looked like a very expensive saddle. Long, wavy blonde hair spilled from beneath the helmet and a pale, emotionless expression showed the unwavering focus of the rider. She hadn't seen her before, though she had hardly focused on the other disciplines during their very first week, which had involved a lot of confusion from settling into a new home and new routine.

Akko hadn't even noticed she'd pulled Chariot to a stop next to the four-rail arena fence. She watched the pair sail effortlessly over jumps in a picturesque image of the finest equitation.

"Who is  _that_?" Akko asked in a single, heavy exhale.

Amanda pulled Star up next to Chariot. He had calmed considerably and stood quietly. "You're kidding, right?"

"You know she's been living under a rock since she got here," Sucy muttered, bringing Mushroom up alongside the two. "Of course she doesn't know."

"I have not been living under a  _rock_ ," Akko countered, shooting a glare at her roommate. "I've just been busy adjusting! I've only really met you guys so far."

"That's Diana Cavendish," Lotte said from behind them. Spirit was idly swishing his blonde tail at non-existent flies. "She's the best rider at Luna Nova. Her family runs the top veterinary clinic in Europe."

Akko looked on as the pair soared over an oxer as though it was nothing more than a beginner level cross-rail, front legs tucked in close to a broad chest. The rider lifted a passive pair of eyes as she landed and Akko swore she was looking at  _her_ , but Diana Cavendish quickly turned her attention back to the regal bay mare beneath her as she pulled her up.

"What are you nerds looking at?" came a voice from one of the riders in the middle of the arena. Two girls, one with a long red braid and one with very straight black hair, strode over on equally expensive looking mounts.

"Oh, hey to you too, Hannah," Amanda snapped back. "How's daddy's money doing?" Star began to paw impatiently at the stone as the temperament of his rider changed with the shift of her seat.

The redhead, the one Amanda was calling Hannah, sneered back. "Oh, it's just fine," she said, tugging on the reins of her powerful looking chestnut. "How's your budget pony?"

"It's so cute that they ride  _ponies_ ," the black-haired girl added, her lip quirking into a grimace. "Never graduated to riding a  _real_  horse, I guess. Or they could only afford the discount size." She added, shooting a glance to her friend for an approving smile before chuckling.

Akko could feel Amanda tense at her side. She shot a look over to see the bright red of the other girl's cheeks and quickly made the decision to intervene before her notably fiery temper had the opportunity to shoot off.

"Actually, we're the new Games Team," Akko said cheerfully, thinking maybe they just didn't understand—after all, it was a very new and small sport in the equestrian world—and needed an explanation. "We ride ponies intentionally for agility purposes. By the way, I'm Atsuko Kagari, but you can call me Akko." She offered a broad, friendly smile and sat a little straighter in the saddle. "And this is Chariot!" she added, patting her mare on the neck.

The two girls just started laughing as though Akko had said something  _very_  funny.

"The Games team, huh?" Hannah said, clapping her hand over her mouth and snorting.

"I heard we were getting one of those, but I thought it was a joke," her friend added. "Must be the failed polo players."

"That's so childish."

"I can't believe Luna Nova even supported this."

"They really are letting anyone in these days."

Akko could feel blazing heat rising to the tips of her ears as she watched the exchange between the two.

" _Girls_ ," came the scolding voice of Diana Cavendish as she walked up behind them. The bay mare's neck was arched prettily and Akko could see the veins bulging beneath sleek skin. Diana, too, had been pretty going around the ring, but up close she was just plain gorgeous. Akko felt herself staring and honestly hoped that she wasn't drooling.

"What did I tell you about entertaining Miss O'Neill's jabs? If you two are very much finished, I believe it's time to go untack. I have quite a bit of studying to do tonight," Diana said, leveling Hannah and the other girl through icy blue eyes.

"Yes, Diana," both girls replied in unison.

Akko felt Diana's eyes turn to her. The blonde studied her for a moment before lowering her chin in a curt nod. "Cute pony," she said in a flat, quiet voice before following the other two to the arena gate.

Had that been sarcasm? Akko felt her cheeks burning as she glared after the three girls.

"Wow," Amanda snapped after they'd gone. "They are  _such_  snobs. Barbara's awful, but Hannah..." Amanda growled loudly. "She's the worst! And what did Diana mean when she said to stop entertaining  _my_  jabs? They started it! That girl is such a bitch."

"Who were they?" Akko asked, feeling her face beginning to cool as she turned to look back at her team.

"The Hunt Team," four of the girls said together. Constanze merely grunted and nodded.

"We told you they were awful," Sucy mumbled. "But you don't listen."

Well, Akko couldn't debate that. They  _had_  warned her, but she always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt and not judge based on someone else's opinions. Though, she kind of had to admit... her team had been right. As the six turned to walk back up the cobblestone path to the stables, Akko stayed quiet.

Instead of joining the conversation, she let herself think about the dynamic horse and rider that leapt effortlessly and elegantly over jumps nearly as tall as Chariot. At the passive blue eyes that had met hers for a fleeting moment. She hadn't  _seemed_  mean, and she was really easy on the eyes—

Akko sighed and dismounted when they got back to the barn, slipping the bridle from Chariot's head and letting her rub her itchy face on her side as she stood in a wide stance and braced herself. Doing such a thing had always earned a scold from her trainer back home, but Akko couldn't understand why. Chariot itch. Akko scratch.

As she stood and let Chariot rub against her, she watched the three girls of the Hunt Team dismount at another barn, the fancier one that cost monthly probably more than a semester's tuition (which Akko didn't understand why they even had, because the regular stalls were already  _really_  nice, who needed more?). Diana was pulling the reins over the tall bay's head and, as Akko watched, ran her fingers in a gentle scratch on the horse's forehead and underneath the throat latch. And then, for one brief moment, Akko  _swore_  she saw the other girl look in her direction, but she really wasn't sure, because it was at that precise moment that Chariot decided to throw her head in a particularly aggressive rub and toss her into a bush.

When she climbed out, covered in tiny leaves and brambles to Amanda's howling laughter, she looked back—but the Hunt Team had already disappeared into their own barn.

* * *

Akko was falling asleep.

She felt her eyelids drooping, zoned on the whiteboard ahead. A drop of drool threatened to spill out of the corner of her mouth and she swiped it away with the back of her hand.

Professor Finnelan was droning on... and on... and on.

"Miss Kagari!"

The sharp voice of the professor yelling her name was enough to make her jump in her seat. "Nani?" she heard herself say, blinking in confusion.

Professor Finnelan was staring at the seat that Akko had decided was her own on the first day—it was next to the windows and she could see the football team practicing sometimes, they had really nice legs—and where she was currently falling asleep. Akko swallowed.

"Miss Kagari, is there an issue?"

"Er..." Akko blinked at the teacher with drowsy eyes. "No?"

She could feel everyone in the lecture hall staring at her. Someone coughed delicately behind her and she turned to see Diana Cavendish with a closed fist in front of her mouth. She hadn't known Diana was in her class, though she supposed it made sense if she came from a family of Veterinarians.

"Is there something about Hippotherapy that bores you?" Professor Finnelan asked. Akko turned back to the front of the lecture hall.

"Uh-" Akko thought for a moment, looking down at her notes that held nothing more than a squiggled line from where she'd fallen asleep with her pen to the paper. "Is that a rhetorical question?"

Someone sniggered on the other side of her and muttered a, "Damn." Amanda choked back a laugh from where she was sitting in the front of the class. Another cough from behind.

Professor Finnelan looked like steam might start coming from her ears at any moment. "Miss Kagari, you will see me after class today," she said before returning to her very monotone lecture on the psychological benefits of horses for the disabled. Technically, Akko  _should_  have been paying attention, because it was very much what she wanted to do in the future, but damn if it wasn't so dreadfully  _boring_.

"What an idiot," somebody mumbled from nearby.

Amanda had turned in her chair to throw her a thumbs up and a, "Nice one, Kagari!"

Akko let her forehead fall to her empty page of notes with a heavy groan. She  _knew_  she was bound to get herself in trouble—especially with the words that seemed to leave her mouth before she could think—but she had really been hoping it would've been later rather than sooner.

* * *

Mucking duty.

Finnelan had given her  _mucking_  duty.

Akko could feel the sweat dripping down the side of her temple as she dumped yet another full and very heavy wheelbarrow of manure in the massive pile of disposal behind the stable. Not  _only_  had Finnelan given her the responsibility of cleaning all the stalls, she had to do it in the morning. Not just the morning.  _Five in the morning_.  _On a weekend_. Akko couldn't think of a more severe form of torture than that.

Plus, she was only halfway through  _one_  of the barns.

She huffed her disapproval as she wheeled the barrow back into the stable, wincing at the pain of blisters developing on the palms of her hands. Her stomach was growling already and she couldn't wait to finish up so she could get to the cafeteria and at least get  _some_ decent food before it was all gone.

She was pulling the pitchfork up to enter the next stall when the name on the plate brought her to a pause.

_**BEATRIX** _

_by BALOU DU ROUET_

_DIANA CAVENDISH_

Akko peered through the bars of the stall at the tall mare. A few shavings were clinging to the dappled bay skin, tangled in the long, boxed black tail. She could see the brand on her hindquarters, a curved "H" with what looked like two horse heads on the top. Admittedly, Akko wasn't very well versed in the different brands of the fancy European warmbloods, but she happened to know this one, because it was the same brand that graced the mount of her idol, Chariot du Nord.

"Hm. Hanoverian," she muttered, glancing again to the shiny golden plaque on the stall door.

"That's correct."

The soft voice behind Akko made her drop the pitchfork, which clattered to the stone floor and made Beatrix jump to the side in her stall, snorting her disapproval in the direction of her stall door. Akko whirled to find herself face-to-face with Diana Cavendish—she hadn't even  _heard_  someone else enter the barn, was she a ninja?-and a hot blush rose to her cheeks. She was dressed like she was going to ride, in tight navy breeches with brown grips, brown paddock boots, a long white shirt, a gray vest. Wavy blonde hair was tied back into a low ponytail. In her hand was a silver tumbler. She looked pristine, like she'd walked out of a Dover catalog.

"Uh, hey," Akko said, suddenly feeling extremely dirty in her shorts, muck boots, and an old t-shirt that had holes and bleach stains. "Sorry, I haven't done hers yet."

Diana's neutral expression glanced Akko over—was she judging her? Probably—before turning her attention back to the mare who had thrown her head over the stall door. The blonde girl approached, laying a gloved hand on a clipped muzzle. "No need," she said.

Akko blinked, taking a step back to pick up the pitchfork that was still lying on the floor. "Huh?"

Diana glanced back at Akko, one blonde eyebrow raised. "I'll take care of her stall," she said, fiddling with the door latch before opening it and sidling inside with the mare. "It's Atsuko, right?"

"Uh—yeah," Akko said, feeling a blush starting to dust her cheeks. "You can call me Akko. And it's Diana, right?"

Diana hummed, running her fingers down the white stripe that ran, somewhat crooked, down the mare's face. "Might I make a suggestion?"

Akko blinked, watching the other girl through the bars, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. "Sure."

"I would highly suggest being a little more respectful in Professor Finnelan's class."

Diana didn't bother to look back at her, which Akko was grateful for because her whole face was burning a bright red. She stared for a minute, watching as the blonde bent down to pick up one of Beatrix's legs as if she was doing an inspection.

"Oh, uh, okay," Akko said, lingering an embarrassingly long amount of time before it suddenly hit that Diana wasn't going to say anything else. "Right. Thanks," she added uselessly before hastily grabbing the wheelbarrow and moving to the next stall.

As she cleaned, she could hear a voice in the stall next to her and, at first, she thought Diana was talking to her, but she quickly realized that wasn't the fact at all. No, Diana was talking to her horse. That wasn't weird, Akko had full conversations with Chariot sometimes. Of course, they were very one-sided, but that didn't matter.

Though, as Akko listened to the gentle, soothing voice from next door, her movements slowed to a crawl. Maybe she was hoping that Diana would strike up a conversation with her, but no such luck, because a few moments later she heard Beatrix's stall door creak open and the echo of horseshoes disappearing down the aisle. It had been a stupid thought, anyway, because why would Diana want to talk to  _her_?

 _Well, so much for that_ , Akko thought, and, with a heavy sigh, got back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm very much excited to write about a world that I'm so familiar with. I plan for this to be rather long and definitely a slow burn and each chapter is going to focus on the perspective of one character in particular instead of jumping between each in one.
> 
> And I understand this is probably a niche subject with the horses and all, so I figured I'd mark some things with an asterisk to explain. Also, I'll describe one character/horse here each chapter so that you guys can get a feel for the horses, etc without me having to feed you everything in the fic. Obviously you know the characters, who are the same just aged up, but... whatever.
> 
> With that said, uh, welcome to the wonderful world of, uh... horses! And LWA. And obviously Diakko.
> 
> \---
> 
>  _Mounted Games_ : An equestrian sport that consists of a team of four riders & horses. Competitions are run in a relay-like style, where horses and riders partake in a number of races to complete a specific task or obstacle. Mounts are usually pony sized for agility purposes (and for easier vaulting). If you want to see what this looks like, here's a good video:  
> youtube = watch?v=LoGQa5qlgOw
> 
>  _anchor_ : The 4th and last member of the team, usually the fastest and designated by a white band around the helmet.
> 
>  _vaulting_ : There are two types of vaulting in the equestrian world, but the one here is the act of jumping from the ground onto a galloping horse by grabbing the neck and swinging on. This is used for speed purposes, as the regular method of mounting is done from a standstill.
> 
> \---  
>    
>  **CHARACTER & HORSE PROFILE**
> 
>  _Atsuko Kagari_ | 19 | 5'3" | Japanese | Major: Psychology  
> Captain, Mounted Games Team
> 
>  _Shiny Chariot_ | 9 | 12.3hh | Welsh/Arabian | Mare  
> Chestnut with white snip & four white stockings


	2. The Hunt Team

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

Diana threw a glance behind her as she led Beatrix from her box, half expecting to see the Kagari girl in the aisle. After all, she'd been in Belle's box for quite some time. She knew that Barbara's mare was quite particular about her cleanliness, so it shouldn't have taken  _that_  long. The girl seemed nice enough, if not a little bit strange, though Diana couldn't deny she was a little perturbed by the girl's lack of respect for authority. In all honesty, she thought Professor Finnelan's class was extremely dull, too—the woman had a knack for putting people to sleep—but thinking that and voicing it out loud were two very different things.

With a shrug, she turned her attention back to her tall mare, letting her hand fall on the soft skin of her withers as she led her into the cross ties. She set her tumbler of fresh tea down on a wooden stool before walking off to collect her gear from the tack room.

Morning was her favorite time of day, so she made a point to wake up much earlier than her roommates. Hannah and Barbara would be asleep still for a while yet. And not that she didn't enjoy their company, but the solace of being alone with just her mare was too great a temptation not to take advantage of. It felt like she was always surrounded by people, whether her two friends, the riding instructors, the professors, or students eager for tutoring or mentorship. Being a Cavendish meant that solitude was hard to come by.

When she finished lugging her gear back to her mare, who had stood quietly, watching intently, she brushed off her left front leg before lifting it up and running gentle hands down the sides of her cannon bone. The mare had injured her suspensory ligament the year after a particularly high-demand show season, and Diana was constantly monitoring the status of the leg to make sure there was no heat or swelling. Beatrix was the final foal that her mother had bred before she passed, from a rather elite sire and a mare that no longer belonged to the Cavendish Estate, and so, along with being her best friend, the mare was of particular sentimental value to her.

"Looks good," Diana said, to no one in particular, as she straightened her back and began to brush off the rest of the mare's shining coat. Her hand followed the brush with each stroke, carefully feeling for any abnormalities or injuries that could have occurred in her absence. It was a matter of habit, something that she unconsciously did every day. Veterinary studies had instilled a certain level of paranoia, and Diana was constantly scrutinizing bumps or scrapes with the trained eye of a professional.

A low whine down the aisle made her take a step back, out of the cross-ties, to look in the direction of the noise. Akko had moved on a few stalls but was taking a break, it seemed. She'd slipped in some headphones and was singing along to whatever she was listening to in a series of squeaks and gasps, using the stick end of the pitchfork as a makeshift microphone. Diana turned away to hide a laugh and resumed the care of her horse.

By the time she'd finished tacking Beatrix, Akko had moved on to another barn and a few other riders had slipped wearily into the stable. A few girls were complaining loudly nearby about being hung over, so Diana quickly tightened her mare's girth and led her by soft, braided leather reins outside. Her shoes—iron in the front, steel in the back—echoed a soothing rhythm against the stone.

The mare stood quietly as Diana brought her next to the mounting block and fussed briefly with her tack, straightening the padded leather of the noseband and checking the girth one last time before mounting the tall mare. Diana's height offered her the ability of mounting from the ground, but she knew it was easier on the mare's back to use the block, and so the slightly slower method was worth the few extra minutes.

"Alright, Bea," Diana cooed, letting a gloved hand fall on a muscled neck in a gentle pat. The mare shook her head, short black mane dancing as she snorted and strode forward.

The morning was crisp but not cold, and dew still settled against the grass from the night before. A few colorful leaves had drifted down onto the cobblestone of the middle lane, un-swept as of yet by the keepers of the grounds, and Diana breathed deep the scent of her favorite time of year. Some of the horses that were on night turn-out were already being led in, following each caretaker with the excited jig that came with the promise of breakfast. Beatrix would eat her meal after her workout. It was too dangerous on a horse's stomach to ride after eating, and Diana didn't have enough time in the afternoon to risk spending too much time at the barn.

Today would be a Dressage day. Though the pair never actually performed in the discipline, Diana only jumped when absolutely necessary—such as when practicing with her team—and otherwise only stuck to flatwork. Dressage was the foundation of training, the very core functionality of the movement of the horse, and so the Cavendish heiress had taken it upon herself to seek private lessons and gain enough knowledge to school at the second level. And as fun as jumping was, a horse only had so many jumps in their lifetime. Beatrix had already shown that too much strenuous activity was unhealthy for her legs, and therefore daily conditioning fell to workouts that were less shock on her weakened ligaments.

And though flatwork could be dull at times, her tall, agile mare was so fluid in her motions, so effortless in her carriage, that Diana was often lulled into the comfort of the ride. The smooth trot, the rocking canter, the easy swap of a lead in the corner or on a straight at the lift of a thigh and a twitch of the wrist. The mare was at her fingertips at all times, and with that came a certain level of pride—Diana had trained the home-bred mare from the ground up from the time she was a preteen.

Beatrix snorted in rhythm as she strode around the arena, ears twitching with each movement of Diana's body to anticipate the next cue. As Diana rode, each tiny correction natural and fluid, she let her eyes wander over the grounds of the stables.

A few riders were trickling out of the stable, mounts in tow. Though Diana was usually the first to the barn and the first to begin her ride on the weekends, others enjoyed the morning just as much and soon she would be joined by a multitude of other riders.

Among them was Akko. Diana let her eyes fall on the girl each time she went around the arena. She must have finished mucking the stalls, because she was leading her small chestnut pony down the lane. She was still wearing the same ratty t-shirt from earlier, but she'd changed into a pair of breeches and had shoved a black jockey-style helmet onto her head. She could see her long brown hair, tied into a low ponytail, splayed across her back. Diana slowed Beatrix to a smooth working trot, sitting deep in the saddle, as she watched the girl open the gate to the arena she was in and lead the mare inside.

The arena was far from Diana's alone. It was a public, standard arena, which meant that anybody could join—but Diana did find it a bit curious as to why she chose hers in particular, seeing as it was the farthest from the barn. Though, she supposed the other arenas were also occupied, and it only made sense that the other girl join  _somebody_  else's. Why not hers? She brought Beatrix down to a walk, stilling her hands at the withers and flicking her fingers in a small correction as the mare tossed her head in greeting to the pony.

"Is this alright?" Akko asked, bringing the pony to a halt—she was a cute little thing, with a tiny white snip on her nose and a kind, but fiery look in her eyes—and peering up at Diana as she grew closer. "I'll stay out of your way."

Diana nodded, but said nothing more as she let her mare walk a little bit more for a break.

The pony had an interesting setup. A regular English bridle, though bitless. The reins simply attached to rings at the side of the noseband. There was a leather strap around the mare's neck, pressing into a wild chestnut mane, that looked much like a stirrup leather. And, the longer Diana looked at it, the more convinced she became that it  _was_  an old stirrup leather. She wore a small saddle with the stirrups hanging low, nearly reaching to her shoulders.

As Diana observed, Akko grabbed the leather collar around the mare's neck and deftly leapt onto the pony's back from the ground. The small mare lifted her head a little bit, but otherwise remained calm.

Diana raised an eyebrow. If she tried to do that with Bea, she'd probably just smack against the side of her horse's body and nothing would come of it but a bruised ego and a very agitated horse.

Diana continued her workout, though she couldn't keep her attention from straying to Akko and her pony. She knew she needed to focus on Beatrix and getting her a little bit more supple to the right, maybe engage her hindquarters a little bit more, but the other girl was proving to be quite the distraction. Before long, the smaller girl and pony were galloping from end to end of the arena—respectfully out of Diana's way, at least—and Akko was doing some kind of acrobatics where she would leap off mid-gallop, sprint beside the mare and, without skipping a beat or losing speed, grab the strap and launch herself back into the saddle. Only once or twice did she make a mistake, and she seemed to realize it immediately. She would bounce off the ground, let her body drift back down, run again, then correct her jump and hit her mark.

It was… impressive, to say the least. And the girl was clearly fit. She was hardly breathing heavily, and her leg muscles rippled beneath her breeches.

"Hey, Diana!" Hannah greeted with a wave from the arena gate. With a small wave of acknowledgment, Diana eased Beatrix back down to a walk to cool her out and strode over to the gate to meet her friends. Barbara was with her, as usual, and Belle and Cello stood passively with their owners.

"Isn't she bothering you?" Barbara asked, pointing to Akko, who had brought her pony down to a walk and was hanging all over her neck with loud pats and shouts of praise. The chestnut mare was tossing her head up and down, jigging on her toes as though ready to keep running.

Diana shook her head, letting the reins slide between her fingers to give Bea her head as her two teammates led their mounts into the arena. "She's fine," she said.

"Hey, you!" Hannah hollered out to Akko, lifting her foot into the stirrup and boosting herself into Cello's saddle. Barbara did the same, gathering the reins as Belle balked a little bit (she was still young and a bit green*) and following Hannah's gaze to the other rider.

Akko seemed to perk up. She sat back in the saddle, legs dangling out of the stirrups, and walked over with a one-handed guide on black cotton reins.

"Scram," Barbara said as she neared, pointing to the open arena gate. "We need this arena."

Diana could see Akko's expression morph to confusion, her brown eyebrows stitching together as she blinked between the three girls. "There's plenty of room," the girl said, pulling the mare to a halt. "Besides, I was here first."

"No, Diana was here first," Hannah countered, nodding her head in the direction of the blonde. "That means this arena belongs to the Hunt Team. Get out."

Akko rolled her eyes. Usually, the other riders in the barn listened to anything the Hunt Team had to say. It came with the territory of stealing Championship after Championship, year after year, that the pride of Luna Nova served as an intimidation factor to others. Akko, though, seemed to have none of it.

"Public arena," she called out as she whirled the mare with the agility of a reiner and urged the mare into a gallop, which wasn't so much a forward movement as an up-and-down, as she glared over her shoulder. "So find another or get over it."

Diana brought a hand to her mouth, hiding a smile behind her palm as she dismounted Beatrix and excused herself. She hesitated at the gate, taking her time to latch it shut. She didn't bother asking Hannah or Barbara if they wanted to find another arena. Akko had a good point, they needed to get over it, and it was amusing to finally see somebody sass them back. Diana had been telling the two girls to be more respectful for quite some time or they were going to find themselves up against the wall—and it seemed Akko was acting as that wall.

And she'd be lying if she didn't enjoy the bewildered expressions on both of their faces as Akko hopped off her mare, flipped them off while sprinting at the pony's side, then vaulted, one-armed, back into the saddle.

* * *

"Hey, Gayvendish!"

Diana couldn't stop the audible groan that slipped from her lips as she brought her palm to cover her face. She had long since finished untacking Beatrix, and the mare sat in the cross-ties, enjoying a liniment soak on her legs while Diana polished her saddle nearby, occasionally plucking a peppermint out of a sack and offering it to the content mare.

She had been cozy and relaxed, happy in her own head space. Of course O'Neill had to ruin that.

"Amanda, could you please stop calling me that?" Diana snapped, setting the tack sponge down against the cantle of her saddle and leveling the redheaded American with an icy stare. "It's extremely inappropriate."

Amanda smirked, buckling the helmet—the same kind that Akko wore—and clutching the reins near the bit of her dancing and snorting pony. That thing was a menace, in Diana's opinion. Poorly trained, disrespectful, and altogether dangerous. Just like the American herself. "Really? Because I think it's super appropriate," Amanda countered, smirking. The pony reached a leg out and pawed at the aisle, anxiously swishing a long black tail.

Amanda had been calling her Gayvendish for well over a year—ever since she'd seen Diana kissing her ex-girlfriend goodbye at her car after a short weekend visit—and it was a nick-name that she couldn't seem to escape. She rolled her eyes and sighed deeply, dipping the sponge back into her leather cleaner and rolling gentle circles over the already shining seat of her saddle. "Please leave me alone, Amanda. I'm busy."

"Hm." Amanda glanced down at her. "Looks that way." She reached a hand to Beatrix, who stretched her neck out and smacked her lips against the offered fingers. The redhead tickled her nose, holding the pony back with her other hand as he tried to get closer. "How's her leg doing?"

"If you must know, it's just fine," Diana replied, not bothering to look up. If she ignored Amanda and didn't play her silly games, the girl would go away. It was a proven method of dispelling annoying Americans. But the other girl's attention was quickly drawn away, pulled to the clopping of shoes as another horse strode down the aisle.

"'Ey, Akko," Amanda called, pulling her hand away from Beatrix, who snorted a disapproval, and directing her gaze away from Diana. Thank God. "I thought you were going to ride with us today?"

"Sorry," she heard Akko say. Diana glanced up as the other girl stopped in front of Amanda. She wasn't even leading her pony—the bridle had been pulled off and was draped over her shoulder—but the little chestnut mare was following her anyway. Diana let out a breath of approval and went back to scrubbing her saddle. "I was up early anyway," Akko continued. "Kinda wanted to get it over with so I could go back and take a nap."

 _You could've avoided that_ , Diana wanted to say, but it was rude to interrupt a conversation that didn't include her, and so she kept to herself and instead reached into her sack to pull out another peppermint for Beatrix.

Warm air coasted over the side of her face, followed by the tickle of whiskers. Diana felt herself chuckling as she turned to find a chestnut nose with a white snip poking at her cheek.

"Agh, sorry," Akko muttered, wrapping one arm around the pony's neck to pull her back in. "She loves peppermints."

Diana reached back into her sack and pulled another out. They were the good kind, the ones they gave away at restaurants that melted in your mouth, and she found Beatrix liked them more than anything else. She held one out on a flat hand to the pony, whose ears flicked up and she greedily sucked in the mint.

"Thanks," Akko said. She slid her hand into the mare's fuzzy forelock and affectionately flopped her ears back and forth. "Kou, Chariot," she muttered to her pony, sliding into her native language with ease. "Mina ni okashi o tanomu hitsuyo wa arimasen."

While Akko and Amanda continued their conversation, right in front of her and Beatrix, no less, Diana let her eyes skim over the mare. She was a small thing, with a slightly dished face that gave away Arabian heritage. Her copper coat was dappled and healthy, four white legs perfectly alabaster save for a few speckles of sand from the arena. She only wore shoes on her fronts, the backs were barefoot.

The mare rested one hind leg in a way that caught Diana's eye. She scrunched her eyebrows together, letting her gaze follow the cocked pastern all the way up to the angle of the hipbone.

"Alright, see you," Amanda was saying, offering a dismissive wave to the smaller girl. "Later, Cavendish."

Thank  _God_ Amanda was respectful enough to not call her Gayvendish in front of other people. The girl was barbaric, but still had some sensibilities.

"Hey, Akko—" Diana started. She set her sponge down and lowered her saddle to rest against the wall, rising. "Hold on."

Akko turned, blinked. She had pulled her helmet off and her brunette hair was damp against her skull, messy with sweat. For the first, time, Diana noticed she had red eyes—how had she not noticed before?—and they were strange, but pretty. "What's up?" she asked.

"Oh, um-" Diana had momentarily lost her train of thought. She coughed into a closed fist, composing herself. "Would you mind pulling her saddle off?"

"Uh, sure?" It was both a question and a statement. Akko had already undone the girth, which was draped over the saddle itself, so she simply pulled the tack off and into her arms.

"Chariot, is it?" Diana asked, stepping forward and pinching her thumb and two forefingers on either side of the pony's spine. She was short, couldn't possibly be more than 13 hands, and the height was just right for Diana to apply the correct amount of pressure without exertion.

"Ah, yeah." Akko chuckled, scratching at the back of her neck with her free hand. The pony didn't move, even though she was completely tackless. It seemed like she would follow her rider anywhere. "I kind of named her after Chariot du Nord. She's my idol."

Diana nodded, paying very little attention and instead feeling the change in the spine beneath her fingers.

"You know who that is, right?"

"Of course," Diana mumbled. Chariot du Nord had been a famous Show Jumper who rode for the French Olympic team, everyone in the horse world knew who she was. She reached near the mare's hipbone and felt what she was expecting, but made sure by trailing her fingers down her back once more. Yup. Out at the five. She switched her posture and pressed both her thumbs into the spot, massaging gently at first, but then a bit harder as she expanded her circle. She could feel Chariot's muscles twitching beneath her as the mare leaned away, then a sudden relaxation, a sigh of relief.

"Er…" Akko was watching curiously, letting the mare lip at her palm.

"She needed an adjustment on her lumbar," Diana said, leveling the shorter girl with a passive stare and giving the mare a scratch on her withers. "Probably from all that jumping around you do. She's fine now. I'd suggest having a chiropractor see her at least once a year, if not twice. Good girl, Chariot," she added with a final pat to the neck.

"Oh." Akko frowned, scratching at the pony's throatlatch. "Sorry, Chariot," she mumbled apologetically before turning her attention back to Diana. "Thank you, then."

Diana nodded, sitting back down on the wooden stool to pick up her saddle and resume cleaning, signaling an end to the conversation. Akko seemed confused at first—she lingered for a moment, shifting awkwardly on her heels a though expecting something more to be said—before clicking her tongue at Chariot and leading her away with a quiet, "See you, then."

Diana's hand paused on the flap of her saddle, blue eyes flickering up as she watched the other girl go, the pony following her obediently. She turned back to her own horse, whose eyelids had drifted lazily shut as she slept contentedly in the crossties. "Cute," Diana muttered, though she certainly wasn't talking about the pony, before reaching into her sack to offer Beatrix another peppermint.

* * *

"That  _stupid_ Games team has  _got_  to go!" Barbara shrilled.

Diana let out a heavy sigh as she dropped her highlighter from the passage of Equine Pharmacology that she needed to become acquainted with for the next week of classes, as per the syllabus. She had gotten all of an  _hour_  of solitary study time before her two roommates had loudly returned to the rowhouse that the three shared on the edge of campus.

"Diana!"

She slid her reading glasses off and raised a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose. The door of her room hadn't been open, but that didn't stop her roommates from barging in. They were both still in their dirty riding clothes, though they had remembered to take off their paddock boots at the door, a rule that Diana strictly enforced. The barn smelled like barn enough, she didn't need their house to smell like that, too.

"Yes, girls?" she asked with an exasperated sigh, swiveling in her desk chair to meet two very angry stares.

"Amanda O'Neill is absolutely insufferable," Hannah moaned, throwing herself onto Diana's bed—which made Diana cringe visibly, because the girl was filthy— and pounding at the comforter. Barbara folded her arms across her chest, leaning her back against the threshold of the door. "Can't you say something to Headmistress Holbrooke? It's so stupid that they added this team. What kind of sport is Mounted Games, anyway?"

"It's  _not_  a sport," Barbara insisted. "Absurd that Luna Nova even allowed it."

Diana begged to disagree, based on the amount of athleticism that she'd seen Akko display that morning, but she didn't voice her opinion out loud. "What's your grievance?" she asked, raising an eyebrow and rapping a finger against the page of her textbook as she blinked back and forth between the two girls. "I haven't seen them do anything wrong."

"They brought their whole team into the arena while we were trying to ride and started running around like lunatics," Barbara stated, tensing her jaw. "I'm sure that Akko girl told them to do it."

Akko hadn't. Diana had heard her exchange with Amanda, the entire thing superficial with no mention of the Hunt Team or, more specifically, acting in spite of her two teammates. She didn't say this, though, and instead pointed out, "The arenas are for public use. Anyone can ride there. If you prefer to be alone, you can ride in the Hunter arena."

"Yeah, but then there's jumps in the way," Hannah moaned. "Why can't the Games team use  _their_  arena? Instead they dragged half their equipment into ours and started throwing stuff around!"

"Well, it was only a stick," Barbara countered, though the heated glare from Hannah made her stop her argument. "But it was extremely rude and distracting."

"Amanda especially," Hannah said, rolling over on Diana's bed and messing up the covers. It was one thing that her roommates didn't make their bed, but Diana preferred for hers to be neat and tidy.

She finally scolded, "Hannah, would you please remove yourself from my bed?" and the auburn-haired girl quickly withdrew back to where Barbara stood.

"Anyway, Amanda kept running that stupid crazy pony in front of Cello," the girl continued. "He was getting  _so_  pissed, I wouldn't have blamed him if he kicked the thing right in the face," Hannah moaned. At her side, Barbara nodded her agreement. "I kept trying to tell her to go away but she would just laugh at me."

Diana pursed her lips. She wasn't particularly fond of Amanda O'Neill, not that her feelings were by any means a secret, and she truly did find the behavior despicable—but it had nothing to do with her. "Maybe you should mention her behavior to Miss Nelson. Or if you're more comfortable, Miss Meridies." Miss Meridies was their personal instructor and coach of the Hunt Team—if anyone could pull leverage, it was her. She was hard-headed and strict, with literal tolerance for possibly dangerous actions.

Her suggestion quickly brought silence to the other girls. They relied on Diana for everything, from helping them study to caring for their own horses to, hell, even being reminded to brush their own damn teeth at night. Quite frankly, Diana had grown tired of it. She was a student at Luna Nova, not a babysitter. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to study."

Barbara rolled her eyes and stalked off, but Hannah stayed for a moment, a deep frown etched across her face. "Well, I think that stupid team needs to go," she muttered, narrowing her eyes. "They're going to get somebody hurt. I'm sure you'll see soon enough, and then you can come talk to Miss Meridies with us."

"Sure thing," Diana replied, waiting for Hannah to get out of her room before shutting the door behind her. She settled back into her desk chair, burying her face into her hands. She had been studying effectively, but now that concentration was broken, and it'd take a little while for her to get back into the mood. Instead, with curiosity ebbing at the back of her mind, she flipped open her MacBook and opened two google search pages:

_Mounted Games_

and

_Atsuko Kagari_

and started reading.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _green_ : A horse that is not yet fully trained.  
> \---  
>  **CHARACTER & HORSE PROFILE**  
>  _Diana Cavendish _| 19 | 5'6" | British | Major: Veterinary Science__  
>  Captain, Hunter/Jumper Team  
>  _Beatrix_ | 11 | 16.3hh | Hanoverian | Mare  
> Dark Bay with white stripe and two front white socks


	3. This Is War

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

In, one-two.

Out, one-two.

In, one-two.

Out, one-two.

Akko's sneakers pounded rhythmically over the black top of the track as she ran at a decent clip. She raised her arm and glanced down at her Garmin. Four kilometers—one more to go and she would hit her goal for the day. Resuming the counts of her breath, she lowered her arms a little bit more and quickened her pace.

She had a pretty decent break between Behavioral Psychology and Hippotherapy. Long enough that she could fit in a decent run and still have time to shower so she didn't smell like a ball of sweat in the next class. Besides, the football team started their practice during that break, and she'd be lying if she didn't enjoy watching the athletic girls work out. In a totally non-creepy way. Er—well, she tried not to stare, at least. But, really, who  _didn't_  appreciate pretty nice leg muscles and perfect—

Besides, just having pretty girls around motivated her to run a little bit faster or a little bit longer than she usually would.

She adjusted her earbuds and focused on completing her run, feeling the sweat trickling from under her sports bra and soaking into the fabric at her lower back. Running was something that she didn't particularly enjoy, though she found the more she did it, the more she didn't mind it. But, regardless, she found it important. If she expected Chariot to be fit, the least she could do was match her pony's athleticism through her own hard work. It was only a fair balance of partnership.

Her Garmin beeped. Five kilometers.

She let herself fall into a walk, breathing deep through her nose to steady her breathing as she walked off the track and shook her ankles to try to loosen her calves.

Normally, she would have jogged back to her dorm building, but she had chosen to run only five kilometers instead of her usual eight (light days were completely acceptable) and so she had plenty of time to get back and shower before her next class. Besides, the campus was pretty, and she loved walking around and looking at everything—the Victorian architecture of the old buildings, the sprawling grass fields, the stables in the distance, the trees that spilled their colorful fall leaves, the variety of monuments of famous alumni that had been erected. There was even one of her idol, Chariot du Nord, just outside the Equestrian Studies building. It was modest, maybe only six feet tall, at most, but it had been clearly been made by an expert's hand. Chariot was curled over the neck of her famous Olympic horse, Shiny Rod, as he leapt over an invisible jump. The statue was surrounded by a small fountain, clean and clear save for the few pence that littered the bottom.

She would have stopped and admired the statue, like she usually did, but a few familiar faces were sitting around the outside of it—three in particular, and three that she didn't really feel like interacting with.

Diana seemed okay. She hadn't exactly said or done anything to make Akko think otherwise, but Hannah and Barbara had already proven themselves just as miserable as the rest of her team had warned. They were constantly making snide comments, throwing insults, and in general just making the life of the entire Games team a living hell any chance they got. She didn't even understand—it wasn't like they had ever done anything to  _them_. Well, save for Amanda, she always went out of her way to hassle the Hunt Team.

"Oh, look who it is," a familiar voice piped up just as Akko was striding by, attempting to go unnoticed. She turned to find Barbara eyeing her from where she sat at Diana's side. The latter had a book spread across her lap, but looked up when her comrade spoke. "It's the Captain of the My Little Pony Club."

" _Barbara_ ," Diana warned.

Akko rolled her eyes and slipped her earbuds out to let them fall around the back of her sweaty neck. "Hi to you, too," she mumbled, swiping her damp fringe away from her eyes and glancing to the doors she was headed to on the other side of the class building. Unfortunately, she had to go  _by_  them to get to the entrance of her dormitory. She started to walk off.

"Hold up, we wanted to talk to you."

Akko paused and turned again, one eyebrow raised. "What's that?" she asked.

"We just had a question about Mounted Games," Barbara said, throwing a glance at Hannah. "You know, just curious."

"Uh, okay." Akko blinked. She lowered her arms and stepped toward them. A bead of sweat trickled into her eye and she pulled up the bottom of her shirt to wipe off her face. "What's your question?"

"We were just wondering how we could try out," Hannah stated. The sneer on her face gave her sarcasm away, but Akko answered her honestly anyway.

"Selection is over," she said. "August only. You'll have to wait until next year, if you're actually interested."

"Well, that's rubbish." Hannah rose, tossing her satchel over her shoulder. "If I had known it was that easy to get into Luna Nova, I would've tried out for the Games team, too."

Barbara nodded her agreeance. "Wouldn't have had to pay so much for private coaching, either," she added.

"Girls."

Diana slammed her book shut and glared between her two teammates as she stood. "I believe it's time for both of you to move along to your next class instead of picking unnecessary fights."

"Us picking unnecessary fights? She's the one who had her team mess with us all weekend," Hannah grumbled. "They're a brand new team, one that Luna Nova's wasting its money on in the first place, and they think they're hot stuff."

Akko frowned. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Great Captain." Barbara rolled her eyes. "Doesn't even know what's going on with her own team."

"I said get to class," Diana growled, shoving her book under her arm and starting to walk off to the doors of the Equestrian Studies building.

"Fine," Hannah grumbled, but side-eyed Barbara with a sly grin. "Akko should probably get busy taking a bath too, don't you think, Barbs? She looks pretty sweaty."

"That's where I was—" Akko started to say.

But before she could finish, she felt the two girls snagging her arms. She was strong, sure, but not strong enough to fight off two people who had taken her by surprise. In one quick movement, they had pushed her backwards into the fountain and, with flailing arms, she splashed into the water. It was cold and Akko immediately sucked in a lungful as she fought her way into a sitting position. The two girls were howling with laughter. "What the—" she started.

Nearby, she could hear Diana in snippets.

"Childish—can't believe—out of here—infuriated with—"

But Akko was hardly paying attention. Her face was burning red with embarrassment as she clambered her way out of the fountain. She had half a mind to beat the snot out of the two right then and there, but that was something she would never do, so instead she squeezed the water out of her tank top and let it dribble onto the cobblestone. The backs of her calves stung and she looked down to find them scraped and bleeding a little bit from where she'd hit them on the edge of the stone bench that surrounded the fountain.

"Akko, are you alright?"

She felt a hand on her arm and shrugged it off, nose twitching with anger as she glared up at Diana. "Like you care, get off me." She felt tears stinging her eyes but she would  _not_  give them the satisfaction of crying. Instead, she turned and stormed off toward her dormitory, socks sloshing in her soaked shoes—brand new New Balances, too!—and not even bothering to look back at the trio of assholes, two of which were still laughing at her expense.

* * *

"Are you fucking  _kidding_  me? If they want war, we will give them  _war_."

Amanda's eyes widened when Akko had finished telling the rest of the team what the Hunters had done earlier in the day. She was still furious, and just retelling the story for the second time (she'd already told Sucy and Lotte, obviously) made her relive the embarrassment and anger that she'd felt in the moment. She clutched her pint, staring into the amber liquid for a moment before bringing it to her mouth and taking a long gulp.

" _I need a drink_ ," Akko had declared when they'd finished Games practice and were finishing untacking the ponies. They'd had to walk past the Hunt Team on the way back to the stables. Hannah and Barbara hadn't laughed—in fact they'd looked away—though Diana had made it a point to look at Akko and give her a tense nod. Akko was sure to look away as quickly as she could. She had  _not_ been in the mood to exchange pleasantries with someone who was, by Akko's standards, a bitch by association. The girl had already tried to snag her at the end of their Hippotherapy class, but Akko had simply ignored her and stalked off down the hallway as quickly as she could.

Amanda slammed down her pint and grabbed the pitcher of lager the team had ordered for their table, topping off her own drink before chugging half of it. That girl could put away beer—that was something Akko had learned  _very_  quickly on one of the first nights they'd all gone out together.

They were at the place they'd already claimed as their hang-out: a dark, traditional English pub named  _LAST WEDNESDAY SOCIETY_. A lot of the pubs in the town around campus had equine-related names, it just came with the territory of being next to one of the most prestigious equestrian universities, though this was one of the few that didn't. The place was cozy and clean, not overly busy, and the proprietor was kind and easygoing.

"I still can't believe they would do that," Lotte said, frowning at her own bottle of Strongbow—"I'm not a beer girl," she had said—and rolling her finger around the top. "They've always been hard to deal with, but they've never done anything like  _that_."

"Yes they have," Amanda grumbled. "They shoved me into that manure pile once, remember? Told me, 'you're shite, this is where you belong'," she said the last in a terrible British accent. "Last year."

"Oh, yeah," Jasminka said. She threw back the shot of vodka she'd ordered and then took a long swig of her beer. Akko made a face just watching her. The girl could  _drink_. The first night they'd been out, she'd had so much vodka it was a wonder she was still standing, not to mention completely coherent.

"You did kind of ask for that one though." Lotte said. She cringed away from the American's glare.

"Whatever. Anyway, I don't know why Cavendish even associates with them," Amanda grumbled. "I don't like her, don't get me wrong, and she's a total snob, but she's not  _that_ much of a bitch."

Akko shrugged. She gulped down the few mouthfuls of beer remaining and poured some more from their pitcher, topping off Constanze's while she was at it. The German girl grunted in thanks. "Who cares," she said.

"Speak of the bitches, and the bitches shall appear," Sucy mumbled from across the table, where she clutched the beer she was nursing between both her hands.

Akko swiveled in the booth to find the girls—two of the three that they had just been trash-talking—had walked into the pub. "Are you kidding me?" she grumbled, spinning back around and shrinking down in the seat so she was even shorter than usual, partially shielding herself between Amanda and Lotte.

"Aw, hell, they made a big mistake," Amanda growled. She made a move to stand up but Akko grabbed her arm and yanked her back down.

"Don't," she said. "Just ignore them."

Akko had expected the Hunt Team to come over and start giving them hell again. After all, they had  _definitely_ seem them. It was hard not to, when there were six girls in a booth in a small pub that hardly held anybody. But they didn't. Instead, they grabbed drinks and settled down at the bar where they couldn't even look at the Games team without completely turning around.

"There are so many other places to go," Lotte grumbled, sipping her cider. "Why here?"

"Well, it is one of the better places," Jasminka said with a shrug. "The rest are the pubs get pretty rambunctious. Plus, this one's closest to the stables." She plucked up a chip from the basket she'd ordered for the table and shoved it into her mouth.

Constanze nodded.

"Maybe we should find somewhere else," Lotte suggested.

"No way!" Akko glared between her friends. "We can't just let them bully us around. They don't own Luna Nova, or the stables, and certainly not anywhere else. Karera wa o shiridesu."

"English?" Amanda mumbled.

"Assholes."

"Could've just said that." Amanda eyed the beer that was left in their pitcher, gaze flicking between the remaining beer and the girls at the bar. "Hey, I'm going to go get a refill on this."

Akko still nearly had a full beer. Two was going to be more than enough—she was a lightweight, and she'd hardly eaten much at dinner because she was so irritated—but she knew Jasminka, Constanze, and Amanda liked to drink a lot more, so she just shrugged and took a sip of her lager, turning to Lotte while Amanda slid out of the bar seat.

"How's Frank?" she asked. She hadn't personally met her roommate's boyfriend yet, but Lotte talked about him frequently. Some guy who rode for the Appleton Games team that she had met the year before and started dating recently. From what she'd heard, he seemed nice, and she figured she'd meet him soon enough at the friendly.

Lotte perked up, a content smile sliding across her face as she spun her bottle around. "Oh, he's great! He—"

A loud, ear-piercing shriek interrupted whatever Lotte was about to say and Akko whirled.

"Oh, I am  _so_  sorry!" Amanda was yelling.

Akko's bright red eyes widened as she saw what was taking place. Amanda had dumped the remainder of their pitcher of beer all over Hannah, who had sprung out of her bar stool, liquid dripping off her face and down the white, off-the-shoulder shirt she was wearing. Her hands were raised out to the side in disbelief as she gaped down at her soaked shirt.

" _Amanda!_ "

Amanda just grunted and took a step back, but she couldn't hide the wide grin that had found its way across her face. "Damn, I am so clumsy. It looks like you should probably take a  _bath_."

"You bloody cunt!" Hannah screeched, stomping into Amanda's face. The proprietor, who was at first both confused and apologetic, had quickly morphed into an expression of anger.

"You two need to get out, right now," the bartender shouted, hastily grabbing towels to start cleaning up all the beer Amanda had thrown everywhere and shoving his finger towards the door. "This is not the place to have petty arguments."

"What?" Hannah's surprised eyes shot to the proprietor, beer still dripping off her chin. "She's the one that did this! I had nothing to do with it!"

"Don't care," he countered. "Both of you, out."

" _Kuso_ ," Akko hissed, watching as Barbara jumped to her feet. Barbara was swiping at her grey blazer, which had taken a splash of beer.

"That was so childish," she was saying, scowling and glaring at Amanda, face red with anger.

"That's for my girl Akko," Amanda growled as she slammed the empty pitcher down on the bar. She then whirled on a heel, storming by the table of the rest of her baffled team. A broad grin tugged at the corner of her mouth as she chucked deuces. "Catch up with you guys later!" she called, tossing ten pounds on the table as she strode by.

Barbara followed a furious Hannah, who was swiping at her face with her sleeves. Her auburn hair was dripping wet on one side. Barbara wrapped her arms around the other girl, muttering something in her ear—probably sweet revenge, Akko thought—as they left together.

With a loud groan and a slew of Japanese curses that made Sucy raise an eyebrow, she let her forehead fall onto the wooden table.

The  _last_  thing that she had expected to happen, the  _last_  thing that she had wanted, was to find herself involved in a bunch of drama in her brand new school. And yet, there she was, right in the middle of it.

* * *

Chariot was having an absolute blast.

The jumping arena wasn't in use, as it was later in the evening and most teams had finished schooling for the day. Floodlights spilled over the dark lot, leaving the surrounding areas nothing but a black wall.

The Games Team didn't have practice on Wednesdays, but Akko seriously needed some alone time with her best friend. She'd taken a Behavioral Psychology quiz that she was pretty sure she failed, got assigned a topic for an essay that she had zero interest in for History of Psychology (B.F. Skinner and his idea of radical behaviorism—definitely not something Akko wanted to research at all),  _and_  had been dealing with the awkward tension between the Games and Hunt Teams. They'd already gotten a stern talking to from Miss Nelson—apparently the other team had said something to their coach—and Akko was in the hot seat for "instigating a conflict".

Not that she'd instigated  _anything_. Akko considered herself to be one of the least confrontational people she knew. She tried to be kind to everyone. It wasn't her fault Hannah and Barbara had decided to act like a bunch of children and Amanda had taken it upon herself to get revenge.

Akko slowed Chariot to a trot, feeling the mare's neck curl with the gentle twitch of the French-link snaffle she hardly ever wore. The mare usually went bitless, because Akko had taught her how to respond to pressure through a neck rein for gaming, but over fences the pony tended to get rambunctious. She loved to jump.

She glanced around at the arena, at the jumps that she'd lowered a little bit for her pony. Barely even 70 centimeters, because she didn't want to push her mare too hard, but she was certainly looking to take her mind off of her real life issues. Chariot's nostrils were flaring as her hooves skimmed against the surface of the sand, ears flicking back and forth as her chocolate eyes took in the slew of obstacles that surrounded them.

Akko urged Chariot into a canter, sitting deep in the saddle and squeezing her legs tight against the mare's sides as she guided her to a line of verticals. The mare's ears flew forward and she quickened her stride, head rising with the anticipation of the jump. She flew over the first with ease, three strides, one more, five strides, a small oxer. Akko felt herself laughing as she stood in the irons like a jockey and brought the pony back down to a trot, and then a walk, with a little pressure from the bit. The mare jigged and danced, ready for more, but Akko had decided that would be the last of it for the evening. She didn't want to risk getting in trouble—after all, she  _really_  wasn't supposed to be using the Jumper's arena, though it had been unoccupied—

"Excuse me!"

 _Kuso_.

Akko looked up from where she'd been slapping the pony's neck in a loud praise to find a woman sliding through the fence and walking towards her. She immediately recognized the woman as the Jump team coach, Miss Callistis. Oh, great, now she was in for it. She frowned and halted Chariot in the middle of the arena, feeling her hind legs dance to the side in disagreement with what she was being asked to do.

"Uh, hi," Akko said, flinching away from the neutral face and the red eyes that flashed from behind frameless glasses. The woman had dark blue hair that she kept in a long braid that draped over the front of her shoulder. "I'm sorry, I just noticed there was no one out here and I kind of wanted to jump, and the only other arena with jumps is the Hunter's—" and lord knew she was not  _about_  to use  _that_ arena.

"Oh, it's perfectly alright," Miss Callistis replied, a friendly smile spreading across her face. She stopped at Chariot's side, reaching out a hand to stroke down the mare's slightly dished face. "She's a lovely jumper, did you used to compete her?"

"No," Akko said, maybe a little bit too quickly. "I mean, well, I used to jump a little, but not seriously, and Chariot did pony jumper derbies before I got her, but—well, never together."

Miss Callistis nodded, letting Chariot lean into her touch to attempt to scratch herself on the offered hand. "Well, she's quite a lovely jumper. And has a lot of speed. She would be pretty competitive. Wait—" She narrowed her eyes, lowering her glasses a little on her nose. "You're Atsuko Kagari, right? From the Mounted Games team?"

Akko nodded, feeling herself start to blush. "Yeah—I mean, um—"  _Be more respectful_ , Diana's words echoed in her head. She had meant it for Finnelan, but Akko figured it should apply to all of her elders. "Yes."

"Cool sport," Miss Callistis said with a nod. "I wish that had been around when I was younger, I definitely would have gotten involved. Jumping is a rush, but—" she shrugged, smiling warmly. "Games seems like a whole other level."

Akko nodded, feeling herself smile. A compliment to her sport felt like a compliment to her. "It definitely is!" she replied. "It's so much fun, and it's great to be part of a team."

"What's your pony's name?" she asked after a moment, running her hands down Chariot's neck. The mare had finally quieted and was simply enjoying the attention.

Akko kicked her feet out of the stirrups and leaned back coolly, clutching the cotton reins in one hand. She grinned, scratching Chariot's withers with her free hand. "This is Chariot! Shiny Chariot. I named her after my idol, Chariot du Nord. And her horse, Shiny Rod."

Miss Callistis took a sharp intake of breath and looked away for a moment before finally bringing her eyes back to Akko's. She looked a little… shaken? Akko found herself confused at the odd reaction, but shoved it off. "I see," she finally said.

"Did you know her?" Akko asked. Miss Callistis seemed young—early thirties, maybe—which would have been about Chariot's age. Had she, well… not disappeared.

Miss Callistis grew silent for a moment, her hand slowing its ministrations on the pony's neck, before responding at last. "I… did, yes."

Akko's crimson eyes lit up and she squirmed in the saddle. Chariot, reading her sudden change in posture, skittered momentarily to the side and huffed through her nostrils. "You knew her? Really? Can you tell me all about her? Did you go to school with her? What was she like? Did you meet Shiny Rod?" She was asking too many questions, and she knew it, but she was so excited she couldn't hold them in. She had never met anyone that had personally known her idol.

"She was—" Miss Callistis trailed off, lowering her hand from Chariot's neck and taking a large step back. "You know, we should probably save that for another time. It's a bit late, and all the other horses have already been fed. I'm sure Chariot is hungry, and you really shouldn't be riding much longer, it's almost curfew for the stable as it is."

Akko frowned. "Oh." She slid from Chariot's back, beginning her usual routine of unbuckling the noseband and throatlatch to pull the bridle off before undoing the girth. "You're probably right. Anyway, it was nice to meet you! Thanks for letting me… uh, use your arena."  _Thank you for not killing me for using it without permission_  is what she probably should have said.

But Miss Callistis said nothing. She simply offered a polite nod before striding quickly off the way she'd come, slipping back through the four-panel fence and disappearing into the darkness.

Strange. Maybe she hadn't really liked Chariot that much? But who  _couldn't_ like her? She had been so cool and such an inspiration for young riders. With a shrug, she turned to her pony and offered a small smile and a scratch to the cheek. "Let's go eat, Chariot," she said to her pony.

Except she'd completely forgotten that Chariot was ready for her post-ride scratch, and instead the pony threw her head against Akko's side and sent her flying backwards into the sand with a surprised grunt.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **CHARACTER & HORSE PROFILE**  
>  _Amanda O'Neill_ | 19 | 5'6" | American | Major: Equestrian Studies  
> Assistant Captain, Mounted Games Team
> 
>  _Shooting Star_ | 6 | 13.3hh | Quarter Pony | Gelding  
> Bay with no markings


	4. Prove It pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wore my mounted games jersey while i wrote this in solidarity
> 
> also i drank a lot of wine

* * *

 

**DIANA**

* * *

She had an hour before Hippotherapy—plenty of time to review the many pages of notes that she'd taken during her Equine Nutrition class. Hannah and Barbara had been waiting for her outside the classroom door with a fresh cup of tea that they'd gotten from the café up the street, which she was grateful for even though she had hoped for a little bit of quiet time. Expressing her thanks to the two girls, she stepped outside into the fresh autumn air and breathed deep, feeling the warmth of the tea in her hand and refreshing breeze against the thin fabric of her blue button-up.

Between classes, she liked to sit beside the fountain around the statue of Chariot du Nord. The sound of the steady streams falling into the shallow pool of water brought her comfort, and very few people had the same free period and if they did, the dormitories were right next door. She knew well the temptation to take a nap between classes, although partaking in such was not friendly with her schedule in the least. So, instead, she took her usual seat and pulled out her book to begin reviewing.

Hannah and Barbara were used to this behavior, and so they said nothing. Instead, they sat next to her and gossiped amongst themselves about the pettiest of things: cute boys from Appleton for Barbara, cute girls  _and_  boys for Hannah, cute horses in the stables for both. It was a never-ending stream of nonsense with the two, and Diana had long since learned to tune them out and focus what was going on in her own mind.

That day, they'd discussed basic nutrition needs for newborn foals from the moment they began to nurse their mothers until they reached the stage of yearlings. Diana was well familiar with this: her family was known for breeding and selling high-end Warmbloods, and so she had often helped her mother, and later the farmhands, care for the foals until the time they were weaned and either sold off or kept as breeding stock.

Beatrix had been the exception. Her mother had always dreamed of having a foal from the handsome and accomplished Balou du Rouet, though she had never seemed to come across a mare with the ideal conformational match until she was in the last stages of her illness. And so Diana had not allowed the filly to be sold or used for breeding—no, Beatrix would be hers to own and compete, a final tribute to her deceased mother. And Beatrix had become all that she expected to be, a picture of conformational elegance and the athleticism of a high-dollar champion. Though, in Diana's mind, she could have been bow-legged and useless and she would have still loved her just the same.

She had become quite involved in her studies, the two girls next to her nothing more than white noise, until she heard light footsteps nearby and Barbara's raised voice.

"Oh, look who it is," she heard Barbara sneer. "It's the Captain of the My Little Pony Club."

Diana glanced up from the book that had held the day's readings, where she was looking for the precise metabolic reaction of a three-month old foal in response to an unusually high iron intake, to see Akko. She was wearing a sweaty, tight white tank-top that hugged her form in all the right ways, showing off her arm muscles and the smooth skin of her collarbones. And shorts—red running shorts that showed off a  _lot_  of muscular leg. She yanked her blue eyes back up to Akko's face in an attempt to not make her staring obvious. Not that Akko was paying attention, anyway, because she was looking at Barbara with a worried smile.

" _Barbara_ ," she warned. No good came out of Barbara when she developed the tone she had with Akko.

The Japanese girl rolled her eyes and tugged some earbuds out, letting them fall around a neck glistening with sweat. Her brunette hair was tugged back into a ponytail, damp at her forehead and around her ears, but soft over muscled shoulders. "Hi to you, too," she said. She swiped at her forehead and turned to walk away.

"Hold up, we wanted to talk to you."

Diana looked to Barbara, shooting her a warning with narrowed blue eyes.  _Keep it civil_ , they said.

She saw Akko turn. Diana glanced down at her runners, which looked new and pretty comfortable. She should get some new ones like that. Hers had nearly 500 miles on them. It was about time.

"We just had a question about Mounted Games," Barbara said next to her. "You know, just curious."

"Uh, okay." Akko stepped forward. She pulled up the bottom of her shirt—sweet and merciful Jesus, those  _abs_ , good lord was that girl  _cut_ —and swiped at her face. Diana swallowed hard, feeling her breath hitch in her throat and forcing her mouth to stay closed and her face to stay neutral as she stared. She was  _sorely_  disappointed when Akko dropped her shirt and quickly looked away to hide the fire in her cheeks. "What's your question?"

"We were just wondering how we could try out," Hannah said. She was using her petty voice.

Akko's eyes narrowed, but her answer came genuine and level. "Selection is over. August only. You'll have to wait until next year, if you're actually interested."

"Well, that's rubbish," Hannah muttered. "If I had known it was that easy to get into Luna Nova, I would've tried out for the Games team, too."

Diana had hardly been paying attention—she was still thinking about Akko's body, because she had thought the girl was attractive before but, now, my  _God_ —and she finally snapped back to attention when Barbara said:

"Wouldn't have had to pay for private coaching, either."

"Girls," Diana scolded, shutting her book and directing her attention back to Hannah and Barbara. They were getting out of hand. Akko had done nothing, and they were just goading a reaction for no reason. "I believe it's time for both of you to move along to your next class instead of picking unnecessary fights."

"Us picking unnecessary fights?" Hannah gave her a look. "She's the one who had her team mess with us all weekend. They're a brand new team, one that Luna Nova's wasting its money on in the first place, and they think they're hot stuff."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she heard Akko say.

"Great Captain," Barbara mumbled. "Doesn't even know what's going on with her own team."

Diana let out a heavy sigh. That was enough—they were taking out their frustrations on the wrong person. The Games team had done nothing to them. Despite what Hannah and Barbara were claiming, no one other than Amanda O'Neill had gone out of their way to cause any kind of issue. She didn't know why they were so insecure. It wasn't as though their positions on the Hunt Team were threatened by a sport that had nothing to do with them. "I said get to class," she snapped, shoving her book under her arm and turning to walk towards the Equestrian Studies building, expecting them to follow suit. She would be very early for Hippotherapy, but Professor Finnelan wouldn't mind if she sat quietly and studied while she waited for class to start.

"Fine," she heard Hannah say behind her. And of course, one last slight to poor Akko. "Akko should probably get busy taking a bath too, don't you think, Barbs? She looks pretty sweaty."

 _In all the right ways_ , Diana had thought, and turned to steal one last glance of the other girl in her athletic gear.

"That's where I was—"

She watched her two teammates grab the girl, whose red eyes widened in surprise, and throw her unceremoniously into the fountain surrounding the Chariot statue. "What the—"Akko's arms were waving wildly as she tried to catch her balance and stop herself from falling, but to no avail. Her body crashed into the water, which splashed everywhere, all over the side of the statue, the stone bench, and the dry cobblestone.

Diana was outraged.

"That was completely childish. I can't believe you would do that to her. Get out of here,  _right_  now, I am absolutely  _infuriated_ with you two!" Diana shouted, anger flaring into the tips of her ears as she stepped forward. It was one thing to argue pointlessly, it was another to assault somebody else—especially a girl who had been minding her own business and was being nothing but friendly. She shot forward, ignoring as Hannah and Barbara backed off in a series of immature giggles, and grabbed Akko's arm to help her up and make sure she was okay.

"Akko, are you alright?" she asked. She could see a little bit of blood on some scrapes on the back of her calves. She was completely soaked, water dripping from her clothing, her hair plastered to her cheek and neck. Diana watched as she rang some water out of her shirt, frowning and looking like she might just cry.

Akko didn't answer. Instead, she shrugged Diana's hand off her arm and shot her an angry look. "Like you care, get off me," she snapped.

Before Diana could say anything else, Akko had turned to storm off in the direction of the dormitories without looking back. Hannah and Barbara were still laughing and, instead of going after Akko, which she was tempted to do (though she didn't have a key card for the dormitories, so it probably didn't matter), she whirled on her teammates.

"If you  _ever_ , and I mean  _ever,_ " Diana struggled to keep her voice level—after all, shouting accomplished nothing—and continued, "touch Akko or anybody on that team again, I will personally have you removed from the Hunt Team  _and_  Luna Nova, unless you want to work your tuition off by mucking stalls until those baby soft hands of yours are covered in blisters." She finished, feeling her eyes flash with the anger that was building inside of her.

Hannah and Barbara had stopped laughing. In fact, they almost looked ashamed of themselves, and if Diana believed for a moment they were actually capable of feeling shame, she might have let her anger die off there. But she knew they would just go back home and laugh about it. That was exactly the kind of people they had become in the last year, ever since they'd let the European Championships go to their heads.

Before Diana could say anything else, the two girls had turned and rushed away.

Diana turned her gaze to the door that led to the dormitories. She could see the trail of wet footprints and dripping water leading there. The door was still in the motion of shutting—if she ran, she might be able to get there. But she knew Akko wouldn't want to talk to her. No, she probably thought she was just like Hannah and Barbara. Besides, Akko had Hippotherapy with her. Maybe she could just catch her there and offer an apology.

So, with a heavy sigh and the twinge of an oncoming headache, Diana wandered off to class in a haze of anger and remorse.

* * *

Much to Diana's relief, Hannah and Barbara had decided to go out after a very tense and awkward schooling session with Miss Meridies. They seemed frightened of her, like she might go off on them again at any moment for their immature behavior earlier in the day. And, in all honesty, they should have been, because she hadn't nearly been able to scold them in the manner that she had been planning all day.

And so they'd made a point to keep Cello and Belle halted well away from her whenever they'd gathered in the middle of the arena for instructions from their oblivious coach.

She had tried to catch Akko to apologize after Hippotherapy, but the girl had rushed out of the room as though her seat had been on fire. Diana had lost her in the crowd and had only been able to resign herself to apologizing another time.

With the house to herself, Diana brewed herself a fresh pot of tea and sat contentedly in her favorite leather armchair in the living room. She'd set it up just for herself—the chair was the old one her father used to sit in a long time ago, and somehow still had the imprint of his body even though it had gone unused for years. The floor lamp, too, had been hand selected from the Cavendish Manor. It gave off the perfect amount of soft light for reading, studying, and general comfort. It had been one of Diana's favorite throughout her childhood.

Setting her fresh cup of tea down on the side table, she kicked back in her recliner and opened the book she'd been reading for the last week.

In all honesty, she probably should have been studying or reviewing her notes, but it wasn't often that she found the house to herself and she really just wanted to do something relaxing. And, usually, her reading didn't consist of anything that anyone would consider enjoyable—certainly not fiction—but she had a soft spot for true crime mysteries and allowed herself to fall into something mindless.

She hadn't been reading long and had only covered about a chapter when her mobile vibrated across the table. Great, somebody probably needed some tutoring. Or Hannah and Barbara were sending some half-witted apology. She plucked up her mobile—after taking a sip of tea, because she couldn't let that get cold—and checked her messages.

_Hey, Diana. Can we talk?_

In an instant, her stomach churned. She tensed her jaw, her fingers freezing over the keyboard of her mobile as she stared down at the text message and the person who had sent it.

Chloe.

Diana took a deep breath and tilted her head back against the soft leather of the chair. In a single moment, her comfort had been completely ruined. She slammed her book shut and tossed it onto the table, instead sinking into a state of anxiety as her mobile lie, the screen still lit, in her lap and she reviewed the text history that she could see on the page.

_Tuesday, August 28, 2018_

_Chloe 23:17_

_I was just thinking about you, would you want_

_to talk?_

_Wednesday, August 29, 2018_

_Diana 07:32  
Not really, no._

_Chloe 09:57_

_I miss you. I really just wanted to apologize_

_for everything. I'm not asking for you to take_

_me back or even forgive me for everything_

_I did to you, but I owe you that much._

_Diana 10:03_

_That's great._

_Chloe 10:04_

_Look, can I just... call you? Please?_

_Diana 10:07_

_I have nothing to say to you._

Chloe 10:07

_Ok._

_September 07, 2018_

_Chloe 01:52_

_Come on babe can we jut talk a little I_

_realy want to work ths out I miss u_

_Diana 05:20_

_First, I am not your "babe" and have not_

_been for months. Second, there is_

_absolutely nothing to work out. Third,_

_please refrain from sending me drunk texts_

_at 2 AM._

_Chloe 09:52_

_Sorry._

_September 19, 2018_

_Chloe 19:08_

_Hey, Diana. Can we talk?_

"No, we  _can't_  talk," Diana grumbled out loud, squeezing her eyes shut. Another text came through.

_Chloe 19:11_

_Please? I'm sorry about that text the other_

_week._

With a pounding heartbeat, Diana typed out a quick text.

_Diana 19:12_

_I have no interest in talking to you._

_Chloe 19:12_

_And yet you're still texting me back._

Diana slammed the footrest of her armchair down and stood up, lifting one hand to pinch the bridge of her nose. Of course Diana texted her back—Chloe knew that she would, because Diana wasn't the type of person to just ignore things. Her ex was just trying to pull whatever manipulation she had up her sleeve this time.

_Chloe 19:14_

_I'm sorry about everything I've done._

Right. Likely. Chloe had cheated on her—with a guy, no less—and then tried to play it off as though it was a one time thing that had just happened because she was drunk and Diana hadn't been there.

"I was lonely and it just happened. Maybe if you hadn't gone to a school across the country, I wouldn't have been at that party and nothing would have come of it in the first place," Chloe had snapped through tears over the phone.

Like it was Diana's fault that Chloe: a) couldn't regulate her alcohol intake, b) had no self control over her own actions, and c)  _cheated on Diana with some random guy at Oxford_.

She should have just deleted Chloe's number and she knew it, but that wouldn't have made any difference because she still knew it by heart. They had been together for nearly two years, it was harder than it seemed from the outside to just block somebody completely out of your life. She remembered telling Barbara that once earlier at the beginning of their first semester at Luna Nova:

"Just block his number, Barbs. He's a waste of your time and not worth the additional distress."

And she had been dating him for  _four years._

It wasn't until Chloe that she knew her ignorance.

She had told Chloe she loved her. She had come out to her extended family for her. She had used so many weekends skipping time that she could have spent at the stable with Beatrix or with her friends to fly to Oxford to try to keep the relationship alive—something that she wasn't having  _any_  problems with on her end, because she wouldn't have even fathomed doing the same thing Chloe had done to her.

_Diana 19:21_

_Not interested. Goodbye, Ch_ _loe._

_Chloe 19:21_

_Diana, please..._

Whatever. She'd had it. She walked to her bedroom, threw her mobile onto her bed, shut the door, and went right back out into the living room where she threw herself back into her armchair and picked up her MacBook.

**Would you like to restore your Google session?**

Right. She'd forgotten to put her laptop on the charger and it died. Sure, there was probably something important there. Likely something to do with class and some additional research for certain-

_IMGAweb – International Mounted..._

_Atsuko Kagari – Google Search_

Oh.

Right.

She'd spent quite some time browsing Mounted Games, watching a few of the videos that she managed to find online and eventually finding the International Association website. The sport seemed interesting, to say the least. Dangerous, fast-paced, and fun, with a clear level of athleticism that rivaled any of the more intense equestrian disciplines.

Atsuko—er, Akko—was a little bit more difficult of a search. Most of what she could find on the other girl was in Japanese and just wouldn't translate properly and she certainly didn't speak that language. Russian, French (including Luxembourgish), German, Italian, Dutch, and Mandarin (it had been an extracurricular when she was a sixth form), maybe. But not Japanese.

What she  _did_  manage to find, though, was a few pictures on Google images and even a video.

Diana clicked back over to the image search on her page, enlarging the two pictures of Akko. In one, she was hanging off the side of Chariot, who was galloping at full speed, her tail flagged out behind her and her ears pinned back with the effort of speed. Akko's hand was dipped into a bucket, either grabbing something out or putting something in, Diana couldn't tell from the picture.

The second was a picture of Akko and three other teammates grinning with a gold cup clutched between their four hands. They all wore matching shirts—white with a large red circle on the front—and their ponies stood obediently behind them. Chariot's nose was poking over Akko's shoulder, a scene that made the corner of her mouth twitch into a smile.

Akko was clearly the most vibrant on the team. Her broad smile gave of a certain vibe of confidence that the other three girls didn't quite have, her brown hair wild from beneath the jockey helmet she still wore, a long brunette ponytail draped over her shoulder.

It had been from Internationals in 2016. Akko's team, representing Japan, had taken first place in the Junior Master's Division.

She had clicked over to the video she'd found, one that showed Akko briefly in quite a few races as she and Chariot dominated the other teams handily, when the front door flew open. She slammed the MacBook shut, wincing as the sound continued to play for a moment: " _It's Japan and France fighting for first place, they've both got one more rider-"_

Hannah was soaked. The white shirt that she'd left in was stained over one shoulder and down the side.

"Diana!" Barbara shouted, following the red-faced girl and slamming the door shut behind her (Diana had told her to stop doing that). "That bloody Games team has really hit their limit, look at this!"

Hannah halted in front of Diana, crossing her arms over her chest as she glared at her blonde roommate. Her hair was wet on one side and she reeked of beer.

"Amanda O'Neill dumped a pitcher of beer on me," she said matter-of-factly, leveling brown eyes with blue. "And then said that I needed to take a  _bath_. Sound familiar?"

Diana raised one white-blonde eyebrow. Yes, it sounded quite familiar—in fact, it sounded almost exactly like Hannah's words before she  _shoved Akko into the Chariot fountain._

"It was that Akko bint," Barbara said, her nostrils flaring angrily. "I bet she told Amanda to do that to get us back. And you say  _we're_ childish. I don't understand how you can say that those chavs never did anything wrong when they're doing stuff like this." She waved her hands at Hannah for emphasis.

"Alright," Diana said, clenching her teeth and nodding once. "I'll speak to Miss Meridies about their behavior."

That seemed to sedate the two girls. Hannah let out a shrill yell of nonsense, throwing her hands in her air before disappearing down the hall to her own room to shower, and Barbara simply went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of Strongbow ("We didn't even get to finish our drinks," she grumbled) and disappeared into her own bedroom.

Diana shook her head. She was tired of the ridiculous drama between her own team and the Games team, though she  _did_  agree that something needed to be brought up to Miss Meridies. Though, one thing would be left out—Akko as the instigator. Akko had shown herself to be nothing more than genuine and she knew how Hannah and Barbara could skew things to meet the expectations of their own reality.

Honestly, she just wished the sudden rivalry would stop. There was no reason for it, other than stubbornness and a false sense of pride, neither of which Diana felt inclined to agree with.

Maybe if she talked to Akko... after all, Akko  _was_  the Captain, she could bring some kind of peace, or at least understanding, to the two vastly different disciplines and stop the headfirst collision that the two seemed to gear towards.

But that would involve talking to Akko. Who, as it stood, seemed to be entirely uninterested in even acknowledging her existence.

Diana spent the rest of the night thinking about how she would talk to Akko, how she could get the other girl to understand that she wasn't Hannah or Barbara and there was nothing that the two Teams had to prove. They both competed in equestrian sports, both of which were recognized at international competitions and within the Luna Nova Equestrian program, and so there was no reason to put each other down.

It wasn't until Diana had settled down for the night to get up early and check up on Beatrix before her morning class that she realized she had forgotten all about Chloe.

* * *

She had stayed late at the barn with Beatrix. Her schooling session with Miss Meridies had gone rather long, especially when the instructor kept making her re-do a line over and over again ("You look great, I just think we could work on that lower leg a  _little_ bit more over those fences," she had said) until Hannah and Barbara had long since finished and darkness was settling over Luna Nova. Diana didn't complain. She was used to it, after all. "One more time" was never one more time when it came to riding instructors.

By the time she had gone back into the barn and begun to brush Beatrix and do her daily post-ride routine of checking for any maladies, the school grounds had grown completely dark. There was only one person still riding in the Jumper arena and the floodlights lit the space between the Hunter arena and the Dressage arena like a stadium.

She led Beatrix from the cross ties, tugging the mare away from the direction of her box and instead out into the open lawn that spread between the barns, the center lane, and the arenas. It was her custom to let Beatrix pick grass following heavy workouts. She enjoyed spending time with her mare that didn't include riding or standing for long periods of time on stone, and one of the better ways to do that was stand guard over her while she grazed contentedly.

As the mare stretched her long neck down and began to rifle through the grass that she wanted, Diana let her gaze wander to the arena and the lone rider.

It was Akko.

And she was jumping.

That was strange. Akko wasn't a jumper, nor was her pony, from what she knew. Plus, she was in the jumper arena, which was reserved exclusively for the Show Jumping team. Maybe she had asked for permission?

Either way, Diana found it odd... and fascinating.

She stood at her mare's withers, letting her fingernails gently scratch at her shoulder as she watched Akko and Chariot take jumps with the ease of a skilled and fluent pair. Akko's position wasn't the most ideal—her knee crept forward too far and her hips closed a little bit too much over the fence—but all in all it wasn't that bad. Especially for riding a pony, which Diana knew was a bit harder as their center of balance was slightly off kilter from a regular horse.

But Chariot seemed like she knew what she was doing, and she looked like she enjoyed every minute of it. She took each jump at a perfect distance, ears forward as her energetic stride carried her over verticals and oxers with ease.

She could see a shadow moving down the lane. They slipped through the rail of the fence and approached the gleeful rider, who had pulled the small pony up and was hugging her neck. Diana instantly knew who it was. Miss Callistis. She was a kind and docile woman, rather young but at the same time incredibly knowledgeable, and she knew that she would treat Akko kindly. Still, she observed in silence, stepping with the mare as she moved between patches of grass to find what she wanted, snorting into the quiet evening air.

Finally, Miss Callistis left Akko and walked back up the lane. She gave Diana a small wave and a friendly, "Hello, Miss Cavendish!" as she moved past before disappearing into the stable behind her.

Diana looked back down at Beatrix, watching as the mare picked at the grass, almost feeling like she was intruding for watching Akko and Chariot—but after a moment of reflection, the gentle song of horseshoes approaching made her look back up.

Akko had already pulled Chariot's bridle off, the girth resting across the saddle. The small chestnut pony was following her owner obediently, showing no signs of looking away or even wandering off. No, she was fully focused on the girl who walked before her with her hands shoved into the pockets of her hoodie, the girl who didn't even look back to see if her pony was behind her. She knew.

"Hey, Akko," Diana heard herself say before she could even think not to.

Akko's step faltered and she raised her eyes from where she was staring at the pavement below her to find where Diana stood with a grazing Beatrix. She said nothing, but instead frowned and let out a heavy sigh before continuing forward. Chariot, who had hesitated behind her and glanced over at the other horse with a soft snort, resumed following the small girl.

With some effort, Diana pulled Beatrix's head up—she didn't want to leave the fresh patch of grass she'd found—and met Akko in the middle of the lane to walk at her side.

"I understand why you wouldn't want to speak with me," Diana said, turning her gaze away from the other girl and instead staring into the light of the stable ahead. "But I wanted to apologize on behalf of the behavior of my teammates."

"Seriously?"

Akko stopped, and with her, Chariot. She raised red eyes to stare at the taller girl. "It's not as though you really did anything to stop them from acting like that. There's a lot of accountability that comes with just  _letting_ another person act like that."

Diana frowned, halting Beatrix. The mare stretched her nose out to Chariot and sniffed at her neck. "Well there's quite a bit of accountability for letting a teammate throw a pitcher of beer on somebody," she retorted.

"I didn't  _know_ she was going to-"

"Well I didn't  _know_ they were going to do that to you, either," Diana huffed. She rolled her shoulders and straightened her posture, returning her eyes to the stable and resuming her lead of Beatrix just as Akko stepped forward. "But, if that's what's bothering you, then I apologize for not knowing my friends were going to mistreat you in such a childish manner."

"Fine," Akko grumbled. "Then I apologize for Amanda being her own person and doing what she wants."

"That's not-" Diana sighed. It was no use arguing the point. She was trying to get on Akko's good side, not make things worse. "Either way," Diana said, squeezing her eyes shut momentarily, "I will not allow my teammates to treat you—or the rest of your team, for that matter—in any disrespectful manner. And if they do, I would like you to consult me so that I can address the issue accordingly."

Akko paused once more. The orange light from the barn lit the side of her face, making her red eyes flicker as they turned to Diana. "Prove it."

Diana's eyebrows knit together. "Pardon me?"

"Prove you're not just a bunch of jerks and maybe I'll think about it. Until then, I'm going to let my team defend themselves in any way they see fit."

Diana found herself staring. The girl was looking at her with a resolute frown, crimson eyes burning into her own as she waited for her response. It was intense and unwavering—Diana couldn't help but feel a sudden sense of respect for the smaller rider.

Finally, she cleared her throat. "Fine," she said, pursing her lips. "That seems fair."

Akko nodded, the corner of her lips tilting upwards in an amused half-smile. "Alright, then. See you, Cavendish."

Last name treatment. Ouch. Diana hated when people called her by her last name—it reminded her of all the expectations she had to meet on a daily basis. Was she taking a page out of Amanda's book?  _Redeem yourself, Diana_ , she thought.

"You, um-" Diana paused, unsure of how to pay a compliment that didn't sound like sarcasm. She had a tendency to leave her voice a little too flat. "The two of you looked good jumping."

"Oh." Akko looked down at the ground. She looked unsure, but she responded anyway. "Thank you. She, uh... used to be a jumper, so I like to let her do what she loves sometimes."

Diana nodded. Her hand was sweating against the lead rope as she turned Beatrix away, blue eyes turning to fall on the front shoe of her mare's hoof as she said, "Well, she's a very lucky little pony," before turning and heading off to her own stable without another word.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I might have made Diana very gay oops kinda like it tho yolo live fast die young amirite  
> \---  
>  **CHARACTER & HORSE PROFILE**
> 
>  _Hannah England_ | 19 | 5'4" | British | Major: Psychology  
> Hunter/Jumper Team
> 
>  _Monticello_ | 15 | 16.1hh | Oldenburg | Gelding  
> Chestnut with white Blaze, front right stocking


	5. Tequila Shots

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

"Dude this movie rules, do you mind putting subtitles on?"

Akko glanced up from where she had been spread out across the couch they shared in the living area of their suite-style dorm, watching as Sucy grabbed a bottle of some weird green drink ("It's a kale smoothie," she'd told her one day—weird vegetarian crap) before roughly shoving her legs off the end of the sofa and plopping down. She'd been watching The Grudge—one of her favorite horror movies that she'd fished out of her small collection of DVD's—to gear up for the first Halloween she would ever get to celebrate in style. It had been a slow and lazy day after they'd all had a good two hour long practice in the morning, so Akko had done nothing but play on her phone and watch movies while Sucy had disappeared into her bedroom for a long time, only coming out to get drinks or an occasional snack.

Lotte was out for the weekend with Frank. Apparently they'd had some festival or book release or something they planned to go to downtown that involved cosplay, so Akko had excused her from the Games practices on Saturday and Sunday so that she could go. It had taken some convincing on her part to get Miss Nelson on board, but Akko's charisma had come through and Lotte had hugged her around the neck and told her she was the best Team Captain there was. It was clearly praise as the result of excitement, but it was praise nonetheless, and Akko certainly took what she could get.

"Uh-huh," Akko mumbled, picking up the remote off the floor where she'd dropped it and tossing it to her lavender-haired roommate. "You can switch the whole thing to English, I'm not really paying attention anyway."

"Cool," Sucy muttered. She did exactly that.

Akko was very engaged with Google. In fact, she was running a thoroughly extensive search on a certain Diana Cavendish. Curiosity, of course, since she was the star of the Luna Nova Equestrian Program and, as Akko had heard it, one of the most highly regarded Hunter/Jumpers in England. Apparently, she had seized the honors of highest point holding rider in the British Show Hunter Association for four years in a row when she was in the Junior ranks, had claimed Champion in the International Hunter Over Fences 3'6"-3'9" division in the Spring of 2018,  _and_  had won the International Overall Championship Horse and Rider award while representing Luna Nova the previous year—of which, the entire Hunt Team in itself claimed first place for Highest Point Hunter/Jumper Team.

Along with that, Cavendish Veterinary was one of the most renowned Veterinary services in all of Europe, and, as it was up for debate, the world, only rivaled by Rood and Riddle in the United States. They were also apparently one of the top breeders of different sporthorses—most notably Hanoverians and Holsteiners—although they had been known to produce some of the top money-earning Thoroughbreds in the European racing industry.

All in all, she and her family had a rather notable heritage.

Diana didn't have a Facebook or any other kind of social media, not that Akko could blame her—she didn't either. Ever since Okaasan had discovered the "wonders" of communicating with their neighbors and spamming meme after meme, she had quickly ditched any semblance of online presence. But there were plenty of pictures on image search. Diana and Beatrix soaring over massive jumps in perfect form, standing next to Miss Meridies with garlands and ribbons draped over Beatrix's neck and Diana mounted with a humble half-smile, a few candids of the blonde girl having some silent moments with her large bay mare.

"What are you so busy with?" Sucy mumbled, taking a sip of her disgustingly green drink and eyeing the girl at the end of the coach.

"Eh." Akko closed the Google page and turned her phone off, tossing it onto the coffee table that was littered with dirty dishes and empty water bottles, before turning back to Sucy. "Not much."

Sucy nodded, raising one eyebrow in a way that told Akko that she didn't believe that it was 'not much'. She turned her attention back to the movie and seemed quite content in the silence of the moment—after all, it was rare that Akko was quiet, because she was usually a ball of energy and disrupting both of their roommates no matter what they were doing.

"Hey, Sucy?"

Sucy grunted, not bothering to look away from the movie as she sank a little bit farther into the couch cushion.

"What do you know about Diana Cavendish?"

"Cavendish?" Sucy glanced back at Akko, narrowing her eyes in suspicion. "Uh, she's a bitch. And she's on the Hunt Team. Those are not mutually exclusive. What is there to know?"

Akko shrugged, tugging at the waist of her t-shirt and staring at the film with glazed eyes. "Just curious."

"Dunno. Google could tell you more than me," Sucy muttered.

Great. Wonderful advice. Akko rolled her eyes and clambered from the couch, bare feet padding against the hard floor as she slipped into their mini-kitchen and grabbed a fresh bottle of water out of the fridge. Google  _did_  tell her a lot about Diana—like her accolades, her accomplishments, her family's accolades, her family's accomplishments—but nothing that she  _wanted_  to know, like what Diana's deal was and why she was so emotionally disconnected from reality and why she associated with people who acted like they were perpetually stuck in a world of immaturity.

Sucy's dark eyes followed Akko as she found her way back to the couch and started chugging her water. "Any reason you want to know anything?" she asked. "Amanda would probably know more, if she's bothering you. They used to be friends or something. Not that I care."

"Amanda? And Diana?" Akko scrunched her eyebrows together, lowering the bottle of water and staring at the side of her friends face. "That's weird."

"Amanda used to be on the Hunt Team," Sucy grumbled. "I don't know the details. I don't care, either. But something to do with a falling out and Amanda threw in the towel and went for Games instead. Again, I don't care. Don't ask me anything else."

Akko rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Keep your socks on," she muttered. She took another long swig of water and stared at the television, letting herself zone into her own thoughts.

So Amanda used to be on the Hunt Team. She'd never mentioned that at all—it hadn't come up in any previous conversations, nor had the current three members of the Hunt Team ever brought it up. Akko made a mental note to ask Amanda about it and then shoved it far from her mind, along with whatever curiosity for Diana Cavendish she couldn't satisfy, before settling back down into the world of mindless horror.

* * *

She missed the bucket.

 _She_   _missed the bucket._

Akko  _never_  missed the bucket!

With a yelp of anger and surprise, she sent Chariot spiraling in a 180 and leapt off mid-turn, clutching the reins in one hand as she sprinted to the balled up sock that lie in the sand next to the blue 20 gallon bucket that was sitting slightly off-kilter in the middle of the lane. Hastily tossing it in, she clucked to Chariot, who offered a small rear as she launched off her hindquarters, and let the forward motion of her mare send her spiraling into the air and onto her back. Amanda had already surpassed her and finished up for the other half of the team—her arm had spun triumphantly as she slammed the sock down in the bucket and she was busy trying to pull up Star, who was still bolting along the rail at the end of the arena and disrupting the rest of the ponies. She could vaguely hear Miss Nelson yelling, "Amanda, calm that damn pony down!" as she hooked the cantle and leaned from the side of Chariot.

Akko used to have to jump off and vault back on to pick up items off the ground, but after learning how to stretch properly and become more flexible, it had become relatively easy to hang off the side of the horse and grab what she needed. Of course, Chariot was a huge part of that—the mare stayed in a straight line without asking and had learned exactly where to turn and even dipped her body pretty drastically to the side with the action. So as her pony whipped around the end of the lane, Akko's fingers found the remaining, half-buried sock and she threw herself back upright in the saddle just as Chariot launched forward into an all-out gallop.

Normally, she would have pumped her arms or kicked at the mare's side to urge her faster. But the race was over—Amanda's team had already won—and so there was no point. She dunked the last sock in the bucket with the spin of an arm and sat back in the saddle to pull the panting pony up.

"What happened there, Akko?" Miss Nelson asked just as Chariot slammed on the brakes in front of Mushroom, who was prancing excitedly while Sucy inspected the chipped black paint on her nails.

"Too late, I guess," Akko replied, breathing heavily as she kicked her legs out of the stirrups (the action usually equated with dismounting, and so it calmed Chariot considerably) and brought the mare, nostrils flaring, up to the coach. "I got cocky."

There was a reason she had gotten cocky, and it had a lot to do with the Hunt Team having walked toward their own arena during the race, but she certainly wasn't going to mention that to anybody. Akko mentally scolded herself for trying to show off. There really wasn't any reason, anyway, it wasn't like the Hunt Team considered them to be a real sport.

Miss Nelson nodded, tossing a tennis ball from a previous race in her hand as she looked over the team. "It happens. Well, I don't think there's much more to improve before we take on Appleton this weekend. We'll work on our hand-offs in our next practice. Until then, I want you all to take it easy on your ponies. They don't need to go into the weekend with," she leveled an accusatory stare at Amanda, "sour minds."

"Yeah, yeah," Amanda grumbled, rolling her eyes and squeezing her thighs to lift Star into a small rear, which earned a scold of, "Stop doing that!" from Nelson. She did it despite their coach's continuous reprimand—after all, rearing was a terrible habit—but getting a reaction was exactly what Amanda was about, and so she'd taught her feisty pony to rear on command.

Akko wasn't going to lie, she thought it was kind of neat, and she'd taught Chariot to rear a little for receiving hand-offs. It seemed to help for when the taller ponies, like Cookie, came in.

"Cool out," Nelson called with a dismissive wave of the hand, catching sight of Miss Callistis and rushing over to the other coach.

Akko undid the knot of her cotton reins and let them out long so Chariot could stretch her neck as they walked around the arena, mindlessly weaving through poles that were still up from their warm-up. As she walked, her gaze wandered to the Hunt Team's arena. They were warming up at the trot, Miss Meridies leaning against a jump standard as she stared down at the phone in her hand. Diana looked perfect, as always—upper body tilted slightly forward, Beatrix's neck and back curved just right, stride long and flowing. Hannah looked good, too, turning her chestnut gelding in a wide circle as she stared down at his shoulder in thought. Barbara seemed to be having a little bit of trouble. Belle was weaving sideways at the fence, a loud, rumbling snort slipping through her nostrils as she eyed something she wasn't particularly confident about.

Suddenly remembering what Sucy had said the previous weekend, she found Amanda across the arena, looking bored and letting Star jig his way around some cones, and walked over.

"Hey, want to get a drink tonight?" she asked as she grew near, keeping her voice low so that the rest of the team wouldn't hear. She didn't particularly want to invite everybody else.

Amanda looked up, raising an eyebrow and reaching up to unbuckle her helmet. "Is that a real question?" A slow smirk crept across her lips. "I'm always down for a drink. What's up?"

"We need to sort out the line-ups for the games this weekend," Akko said, leaning back in the saddle and kicking her legs forward. Chariot turned her head and lipped at the toe of her paddock boot.

"Wow, and you want my opinion this time?" Amanda shrugged, leaning forward to run a hand through Star's roached black mane. "That's a first. Cool, yeah. Last Wednesday?"

Akko nodded. Amanda had been permitted back into the pub after Akko had all but shoved her inside to go apologize to the proprietor for her actions. It had been a battle just trying to get the girl to obey, but Akko was not interested in having to relocate to one of the dirty pubs where people swarmed to play pool and obnoxious drinking games. She tugged at the reins to turn Chariot to the gate of their arena. The mare jigged a little before settling down into her quick-strided walk, neck raised as she looked around at the other ponies and riders in adjacent arenas.

As the team drifted from the arena and back to the barn, Akko could feel the eyes of the Hunt Team on them. Hannah was staring outright. Akko couldn't see her facial expression, but if she had to guess, it was one of extreme distaste.

Though, true to her word thus far, Diana hadn't allowed her teammates give the Games Team so much as a menacing glare and her team, too, hadn't gone out of their way to cause any sort of trouble. The air between them was as tense and uncomfortable as ever, and it was far from paradise, but it was progress, at the very least.

* * *

"No, I need to anchor for mug shuffle," Amanda was saying as she pointed to one of the races that had been projected as a maybe for the friendly. There would be a total of 20 races and their list held 25 possibilities, meaning that Akko had no way of knowing which five races would be left off. Though, she  _seriously_ hoped one would be ball and cone-Lotte, Sucy, and Jasminka all seemed to make a mess of that one. "Star is faster on the straights and I never miss a pole. You should start. Put Lotte and Jasminka in the middle. Constanze's too short for that one and Sucy always misses the poles."

Akko nodded. She had to agree with Amanda's reasoning. "Alright," she said. "You can be anchor for socks, too. No offense, but Star is hard to get hand-offs from. He acts kind of crazy, and this way you don't have to worry about it."

"Sure." Amanda brought her whiskey glass to her lips and took a sip. They'd taken residence at the bar instead of a table since it was just the two of them and it was way easier for both of them to see the paper of line-ups as Akko scribbled and erased names. The proprietor had side-eyed Amanda when they walked in, but served her without question—an Old Fashioned, because Amanda said girls thought drinking bourbon was hot, though Akko wasn't sure what girls she was talking about because the pub was empty—while Akko had just gotten her usual pint of lager. She had never been too keen on liquor and lager was the closest she could get to Sapporo or Kirin.

"Leave Jasminka out of that one, though," Amanda said, pointing to where Akko had written Jasminka into the third position. "She can't vault and Cookie is too tall for her to pick things off the ground. Put Constanze there instead. Stan's short enough and she doesn't have to get off."

"Eh, you're right," Akko agreed again. She still hadn't gotten the firmest grasp on where her teammates strengths and weaknesses lie. Amanda had been around them much longer and knew their abilities better, and Akko had to wonder why exactly Nelson hadn't made her the Captain. Probably her short fuse. "I'll sit bottles and jousting out," she said. "Sometimes I accidentally knock down more than one target and then I have to reset. You sit out both of the flags."

Amanda nodded and took another sip of her drink before reaching in and plucking out the cherry with her finger. She shoved the whole thing in her mouth. "Sounds good to me, Captain."

"I'll anchor for Windsor," Akko said, looking at the final race on the page that hadn't been sorted yet. "You start. Constanze and Sucy second and third." There was no debate from Amanda, so she scribbled in the names and set her pen down before taking another sip of her beer. The question she had really wanted to ask was nagging in the back of her mind, so she figured she would just come out and ask it. It wasn't Akko's style to beat around the bush. "Is it true you used to be on the Hunt Team?"

The American let out a heavy sigh and stuck her tongue out, plucking a perfectly tied cherry stem off it and tossing it onto her bar napkin. "Fuck, here comes this conversation," Amanda muttered. She brought her drink to her lips and polished it off, letting the ice spread around her mouth as she got every last drop. "Yeah, I did. And I'm assuming you're going to ask me what happened?"

Akko shrugged. "Well, yeah. I'm curious. If you don't want to talk about it, though, that's alright."

"Nah, it's fine. I'm gonna need more booze for this one." She lifted her hand to the bartender, who was leaning against a pillar watching the Arsenal game. "Two shots of tequila."

"You know I don't take shots—" Akko started to protest.

Amanda leveled green eyes on Akko's red, taking the two shots once the bartender had slipped a couple limes over the edges of the glass and shoving one at Akko. "I don't take shots alone," she countered. "And if you want me to talk about this crap, it's only fair."

Akko sighed, clenching her teeth as she grabbed the glass and lifted it to cheers Amanda. The other girl threw it back easily and promptly slipped the lime between her teeth. Akko did the same—although, not with the practiced swallow of the American, she had to take it slow and it burned all the way down—then made a face of absolute disgust and slammed the shot glass down. "Guh." A shudder ran through her body as she pulled the lime out of her mouth and dropped it into the glass. "That was awful."

"I came to Luna Nova for the Hunt Team," Amanda muttered after ordering another Old Fashioned. She cupped the glass in one hand and stared into the dark liquid. "I never thought it was very fun, but it was what my mom was into and so I had all the good trainers growing up." She shrugged. "Just kind of how it went, I guess. It was me, Cavendish, tweedle dee, and tweedle dum."

Akko took a long drink of her beer—she was still trying to get the nasty taste of tequila out of her mouth—and stayed silent. She could already feel the edges of her vision getting a little hazy from the shot.

"We got along well enough, I guess. I hung out with Hannah and Barbara mostly. Cavendish kind of does her own thing and I can't say we ever saw eye to eye, but we were cool." Amanda sipped her drink. "We were gearing up for Internationals and had this regional show up in Bristol and it was easy enough to wipe the place clean. Except we kind of went out to celebrate and I got a little drunk—"

Akko could tell a little drunk meant a  _lot_  drunk. She relaxed into the bar stool, awkwardly avoiding eye contact as she spun her pint on the lacquered wooden bar.

"Hannah got pretty drunk too," Amanda added.

Akko's eyebrows stitched together and she glanced over at the red-head, who was blushing furiously and staring at the glowing light above the liquor bottles across the bar. The door to the pub swung open and two girls Akko recognized from the Dressage team took seats at a table nearby. Amanda glanced over and lowered her voice.

"Anyway, we…" she gazed down at her drink, shrugging. "You know."

Akko could feel her eyes widening. A hot blush rose to her cheeks and she quickly hid her face behind her beer as she chugged. "Oh," she finally said, lowering her pint and swiping the back of her hand across her mouth. "Got it."

"Yeah." Amanda frowned, fingers drumming against the bar. "I mean, I thought it was fine. It was no big deal, or at least  _I_  didn't think so, but Hannah started acting really weird and everything got awkward. She started avoiding me and became super bitchy—I don't get it." Amanda licked her lips and picked up the knotted cherry stem, turning it between her fingers. "Anyway, I heard Luna Nova was starting a Games team and I wanted to have more fun anyway—Hunters is boring—so I sold my horse and got Star and tried out. I didn't really want to be on the Hunt Team anyway, and after Hannah… well, there was no reason to stick around on a team that hated me and I didn't enjoy as it was."

"Oh," Akko said again, uselessly. She didn't really know what to say. Her hands felt clammy so she wiped them on her dirt-stained breeches (they had just left straight from the barn) and stared down at her nearly finished beer. She  _had_  intended on asking about what Diana's deal was, but she definitely didn't want to follow Amanda's admission up with lame and unfounded curiosity.

"Could I get two more shots of tequila?" Amanda grunted at the bartender.

Under any other circumstance, Akko would have absolutely refused to take another shot, but Amanda had just openly shared something she was clearly uncomfortable with, so Akko resigned herself to another throat burn and made sure to chug the rest of her beer to get rid of the taste.

"Anyway, uh." Akko stared down at the line-up sheet, desperate to get rid of the awkward silence. She'd dropped a little bit of beer on the corner. "I was re-thinking this. Maybe I should anchor for poles. Chariot's more agile."

Amanda squinted her eyes, her frown twitching back into its signature smirk. "No way, Kagari. Star's way faster. I can't possibly let you do the honors."

* * *

Akko was tipsy.

She shoved her hands into her Mounted Games jacket—the one with the Japanese flag over the heart that she'd been gifted when her team won Internationals—and walked slowly through the dark stone lanes of campus that led to her dormitory. Amanda had gone the other way, toward the flat she shared with Constanze and Jasminka, and so Akko was left alone in her thoughts as she traipsed below the orange glare of streetlights. Her paddock boots clopped against the uneven pavement and she kicked at some leaves as she went.

As she walked, her fingers traced over the line-up that she'd folded and shoved into her pocket. She wasn't nervous about the friendly with Appleton, but she was a little concerned. Amanda had told her that the all-male university could get a little aggressive with competition. That was the last thing she wanted to go up against: showboating guys who thought they were better riders.

The echoing of nearby footsteps made her glance up. Diana was walking toward her, neutral expression locked ahead, the strap of a thick leather satchel draped across her chest. She looked like she hadn't changed after riding, either. She still wore a pair of tweed breeches and her usual long-sleeve shirt and grey vest, plaid calf-socks rising from her fancy brown paddock boots.

 _Don't notice me, don't notice me_ , Akko thought to herself as she hunched her shoulders over and made a point to stare at the ground as she walked a little faster.

"Akko?"

Kuso.

Akko pursed her lips and sighed, glancing up to see the blonde had stopped. Her hair was pulled into a neat French braid and she was wearing frameless glasses—Akko hadn't even realized she wore glasses—that gave her a different look, one that Akko briefly appreciated, before continuing on with a dismissive, "Cavendish."

"Hey, wait, I've been meaning to talk to you."

Akko slowed her stride as the girl whirled and started walking along, adjusting the strap of her bag. "I just wanted to make sure Hannah and Barbara were leaving your team alone. I had a very poignant discussion with them and Miss Meridies about respecting other riders and disciplines."

Akko grunted, twitching her fingers in her pockets. "They've been fine. Haven't heard anything, uh, anything other—otherwise." She mentally cursed herself for tripping on her words. Damn Amanda and her tequila shots.

"Good. Are you headed to your dormitory?"

"Yes."

Diana didn't say anything more, but she didn't bother to turn around and go off in the direction she had been headed, either. Akko glanced over briefly. The other girl's bright blue eyes were fixed straight ahead, teeth rolling over her bottom lip as though lost in thought.

"Did you have something else?" Akko asked, correcting a wayward sway of her legs and looking back at the ground to focus on walking in a straight line.

Diana seemed to hesitate. "I just figured I would walk you to your building. It's not very safe to walk alone at night."

" _You_  were walking alone at night," Akko countered. She lifted one hand to swipe at her nose before shoving it back into the warmth of her jacket pocket. "But you're right, the crime rate here is pretty high, I should have considered that."

She felt Diana falter her step at her side and glanced up to see a deep frown settling across the taller girl's features. "There's no need to be cheeky," she said, tightening her grip on the leather strap across her chest. "I'm not sure what you think I've done to you, and if I have done something to offend you, I certainly apologize, but I assure you nothing of the sort was my intention."

Akko took a deep breath, pressing her lips together as she looked between Diana and the distance she had left to her dormitory—still half the campus—before responding. "Sorry," she mumbled. Diana was right, she  _hadn't_  done anything wrong. She'd even adjusted Chariot's lumbar of her own free will instead of telling her to just call a chiropractor and spend the money on a farm call and a five minute procedure.  _And_ she'd stopped Hannah and Barbara from picking on her team.

Diana nodded and continued walking. It had become clear she had no intentions of letting Akko walk home alone, and so she simply resigned herself to the company and carried on.

"Why are you out here?" Akko asked finally.

Diana had pulled out her phone and was scrolling through something with her thumb, the light from the screen glaring into the darkness. She frowned and shoved the phone back into the pocket of her vest. "Library," she replied, her tone neutral despite the clear unease of her expression. "There were a few published dissertations I needed for a bit of additional research."

Akko hummed. She hadn't been in the library herself, yet, but she knew which building it was because it was tall and pretty with wide columns that ran across the top of a shallow and very uneven looking staircase. "Cool," she said.

"And you?"

"Went out," Akko replied. She pulled the hand holding the line-up out of her pocket and held the folded paper up for Diana to see before shoving it back in. "Got a friendly with Appleton this weekend. Had to plan out the line-ups."

Diana shifted her bag—it looked pretty heavy—and continued looking straight ahead after regarding Akko's motion with a nod. "What's the line-up for?" she asked after a moment.

Akko squinted her eyes into the darkness, feeling the cobblestone rolling beneath her boots. She could see the Chariot fountain and the ring of blue lights that lit the water in an ethereal glow. "Four riders per—per race," she replied, tongue darting out of her mouth to wet her lips. "Got to decide who, uh, who goes where. Tactics."

"I see."

Though her voice did not sound like she understood at all, so Akko felt the urge to elaborate.

"So you have different races, right?" She felt herself growing more confident and hoped she wasn't sounding too drunk—she loved talking about Games and Diana had opened the floodgates. "We have six players, so we—so we need to plan who rides in what race based on their skill—their skill set. Say if Lotte isn't good at a race, we can have her sit out so that someone else who is better can race. It's like, um…" Akko rolled her hand over the paper in thought. "It's like if Hannah sucked at jumping, she would stick to the flat classes, and since you're good at jumping you would be in the—the jumping classes."

"That makes sense. Hannah is very accomplished over fences, though," Diana said. She was staring thoughtfully at the fountain as they grew near. "So there are multiple races?"

Akko nodded. "Yep. Two days, ten races a day. They give us a list of possi—possible races the week before, so we have time to plan it out."

Diana hesitated at the Chariot statue, as though she was going to stop there, but instead followed Akko straight to the door to her dorm building. "And where is this… competition being held?"

"Here for this one," Akko said. "This weekend. It's just a friendly. Appleton is shipping in. We'll go to their school, uh, next time." She pulled her leather bi-fold out of her jacket pocket and dug through to find her keycard before glancing back at Diana. She was just standing there with her hands shoved into her vest. "Uh, thanks for walking with me. Glad I didn't get mugged," she said with a chuckle, reaching up to scratch the back of her neck with the same hand that held the key card. "Only now you have to walk all the way across campus."

"That's fine, I can handle myself," Diana said with an amused smile. She started to turn, but stopped. "One more thing?"

Akko glanced up, pausing her card before swiping it. "Yeah?"

Diana started to walk backwards, her smile dissipating as she moved. "It's Diana," she said quietly, before turning on a heel and tossing a hand in the air. " _Not_ Cavendish."

Akko grunted an acknowledgment as the girl strode away and swiped her card, stumbling a little bit into the weight of the door as she pushed herself inside. Her fingers ran over the paper in her hand as she stalked thoughtfully up the stairs.

Maybe Cavendish—er, Diana—wasn't so bad. She had let Akko talk about Games—a conversation Akko would have loved to keep going with, because she loved describing her sport to people—without judgment or mocking. That had been nice.

Except she didn't dwell on it too long, because her head was swimming a little bit and she fell up the stairs a moment later. Damn Amanda and her tequila shots.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you guys have been awesome with comments & feedback and I'm actually really surprised. I figured a horse-based AU would be a little niche and not very many people would be interested. I'm certainly glad you are all enjoying the story, and hopefully I don't disappoint. Thanks for reading!  
> \---  
>  **CHARACTER & HORSE PROFILE**
> 
>  _Lotte Jansson_ | 20 | 5'1" | Finnish | Major: Philosophy  
> Mounted Games Team
> 
>  _Spirit_ | 14 | 13.0hh | Haflinger | Gelding  
> Palomino with white blaze


	6. The Red Stallion

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

"I don't understand why she continues to message me," Diana blurted as soon as she stepped through the front door, tossing her mobile unceremoniously onto the marble counter in the kitchen as she slumped against it, dropping her satchel to the floor and kicking her paddock boots off. "I have zero interest in talking to her and I feel as though I have made that quite obvious."

Hannah looked up from where she'd been playing with her mobile on the couch. Barbara was laying on the ground, doing some sort of stretch that had both of her legs flat against the wall.

"Chloe?" Barbara asked, turning her head to eye her red-faced roommate.

"Yes,  _Chloe_ ," Diana hissed. She planted her elbows on the counter and buried her face in her hands. While she had been escorting Akko to her dormitory, she had received yet  _another_  message from her nuisance of an ex:

_Wednesday, September 26, 2018_

_Chloe 21:05_

_Hey, Diana. I know you don't want to talk to me,_

_and I know that you probably hate me, but I could_

_really use someone to talk to right now and I_

_would love to hear your voice. Can I call you?_

And then a call that she'd silenced in her pocket:

_Missed call from Chloe Simoneau_

_21:08_

Hannah grunted, tossing her own mobile onto the couch cushion and sitting upright. She'd changed into a t-shirt with her old stable's emblem on the back and a pair of sweatpants. Diana couldn't wait to do the same. "What's she want this time?"

Diana sighed, plucking her mobile up and walking into the living room to toss it to the waiting redhead. She watched as Hannah turned on the screen and went to Diana's messages—she didn't keep it password locked, mostly because couldn't be bothered with the extra second of time—and read the last few that Chloe had sent.

_Wednesday, September 19, 2019_

_Chloe 19:14_

_I'm sorry about everything I've done._

_Diana 19:21_

_Not interested. Goodbye, Chloe._

_Chloe 19:21_

_Diana, please…_

_Chloe 19:22_

_Can't you just give me the chance?_

_Chloe 19:24_

_You're being ridiculous, Diana. I don't_

_understand why you won't just give me an_

_opportunity to talk it out with you._

_Diana 21:59_

_Please go away._

And then the most recent. At least she had been with Akko, who had quickly distracted her with the stumbling speech of an inebriated, yet excited, explanation of Mounted Games. It wasn't until she had left the other girl at her dormitory that she had a chance to reflect on the text message she'd received and the persistent person who wouldn't leave her alone.

"Wow," Hannah mumbled, tossing the mobile to Barbara so she could see, too. The black-haired girl caught it behind her head and held it up over her face to read it.

"Why is she even trying?" Barbara said, rolling over and clambering to her feet to hand the mobile back to Diana. "It's so obvious that you're not interested. Like, at all."

"You should just delete her number," Hannah said, letting herself drop back down into the soft couch. She pulled her legs up a little bit to make room for Diana, who sat delicately on the edge of the cushion. "And you should probably just stop responding. Silence speaks louder than words, you know."

"I suppose," Diana replied. She stared down at the text conversation, at the notification of a missed call, and let her eyes glaze over.

"You don't, uh…" Barbara trailed off in hesitation. "You don't still have feelings for her, do you?"

" _Absolutely not_ ," Diana snapped, quickly turning her screen off and leveling an icy glare at her roommate. "How could I possibly have feelings for someone who acted so despicably? If anything, I regret the time I wasted on her when I could have been doing  _other_  things. Besides, it's been eight months. Any residual feelings I may have had when our break-up was fresh have long since disappeared."

"Eesh, alright," Barbara said, raising her hands in defense. "I wasn't trying to tease the lion. You want me to just block her for you?"

Diana hesitated, glancing down at her mobile before raising an arm and handing it back out to Barbara. She couldn't bring herself to block the girl's number on her own. There were just too many hesitations, like what if something terrible happened and Diana was the only one available? They were ridiculous thoughts. Chloe could find somebody else to crutch on. "Go ahead," she said with a resolute stare.

Barbara took the offered device, tapped the screen for a couple minutes, and then returned it. "Done," she said. "Deleted the conversation, too. Now you don't have to look at it."

Diana clicked open the screen to look. The last message was from Hannah: " _When are u heading back from the library?_ " No more Chloe. She felt herself smiling. "Thank you."

"No problem." Barbara grinned back. "You did the same for me when I broke up with James. Now, if you're completely over her, you can shove her off your mind without being bothered."

"You should honestly just try dating someone new," Hannah suggested. She twirled the end of her long auburn hair around a finger. "It's been a while. You're too pretty to be single."

Diana shrugged. She wasn't opposed to the idea of dating. She'd tried to dip her toes into the water with an app on her mobile recently, but the few girls she'd talked to before deleting it kind of grossed her out. Besides, she'd much rather meet somebody organically. Somebody who didn't live across the country, somebody who was ambitious (Chloe went to Oxford, sure, but that was only because her father was in the French parliament and had connections), preferably somebody who even liked horses, somebody with the body of a Greek goddess. "Maybe," she finally said, finally realizing how exhausted she was. She rose with a stretch. "Goodnight, girls."

With a passive wave, she grabbed her satchel off the floor and went to her own room, where she shut the door behind her and threw herself onto her bed with a huff as she flicked her mobile back on and scrolled once again through the messages.

No Chloe.

Just Hannah, Barbara, Miss Meridies, Aunt Daryl—who hadn't bothered to message her in over a month—and that was it. She would be lying if she tried to say that she wasn't lonely, that the sudden loss of Chloe and having somebody to talk to hadn't been a difficult adjustment. But she wasn't so lonely that she would seek solace in somebody who had so callously broken her heart, or somebody that she had no emotional attraction to for the sake of filling whatever void was inside her.

Being lonely wasn't ideal, but it was nothing that she didn't have experience coping with. She had been lonely long before Chloe, so finding her way back into the cold arms of solitude had seemed like an almost appropriate fate for a Cavendish.

* * *

"One, two, one, two, one, two, jump!" Miss Meridies called from the center of the arena.

Beatrix snorted in rhythmic waves as she rocked back onto her hindquarters and sailed effortlessly over the three-tier oxer, dark legs tucked majestically beneath her before snapping out to the front to land into a graceful canter. Diana rolled with her, her hands sliding with the arch of the mare's neck into a perfect crest release, her legs locked around the girth of her wide barrel. She let herself sink slowly back into the seat a stride after her horse landed, her eyes already locked on the outside line that she was headed to.

"Ease her back," Miss Meridies was saying. "Eyes up, very good, leg, leg, leg—"

Beatrix took the first vertical easily and landed. Three strides—second jump.

"Leg here, don't let her drop onto her forehand!"

Diana sat back and drove with her seat, feeling the mare's muscles twitching and responding beneath her as she gathered strength for the final obstacle—a 120 centimeter vertical—and launched into the air.

Diana knew her mistake as soon as she made it. She had lingered a little too long before moving into her jumping position, interfered with her horse's natural movement, and forced Beatrix to drop a hoof. One of the rails rocked dangerously in its cups before clattering to the ground just as the mare's front hooves thumped into the soft sand.

With a heavy sigh, Diana drifted back into the saddle, one gloved hand falling to Beatrix's neck in an appreciative pat as she looked behind her at the rail she'd dropped. A dropped rail in a class over fences would be an instant fatality to her marks and would render her completely out of top honors in an instant. "Good girl, Bea," she said, frowning at her own mistake.

"You let yourself get behind," Miss Meridies called out as Diana brought the mare back down to a walk and led her back to the center of the arena where her coach and two teammates stood waiting. The young, lilac-haired woman had folded her arms across her chest, peering at Diana through large sunglasses that hid most of her expression. She didn't look upset—Miss Meridies remained objective at all times—but Diana could still sense an air of disappointment. "Your seat restricted her movement." She paused before adding, "Again."

They were nearing the end of their schooling session. Beatrix was getting tired, and Diana found herself growing irritated. She could see the Games team off in the main arena, the one Luna Nova used to host shows, joined by the guys from Appleton, and she was desperately curious to watch a little bit. As it stood, though, she was going to miss most of it before she even dismounted. Turning away from the others, she urged Beatrix back into a trot, did a slow loop around the end of the arena to pick up a canter, and came off the rail to head for the first oxer.

It was a warm day for late September, at least 18 degrees, and both Diana and Beatrix were sweating. Diana had long since stripped out of her vest and pushed up the sleeves of her long-sleeve shirt, but she could still feel hot beads of sweat trickling down her back. Beatrix's neck was dark and wet, streaked with white froth in parallel lines from where the leather of the reins slid back and forth. Neither, though, would subject themselves to the ill effects of being tired. As a pair, they put in the same amount of effort as the beginning of the ride.

Beatrix soared over the first oxer easily, landing on her left lead, just as the pressure of Diana's leg muscles had indicated her to do over the jump. Her hands steadied on the reins, flicking with minor corrections that made the large mare's ears twitch back and forth as they approached the line. She could feel a shoulder bearing out ever so slightly and straightened her seat, added pressure from her inside leg, and—

"Beautiful," Miss Meridies called out. "Stay with her—"

Three strides, an effortless leap.

"Now sit back here and ride to the fence—"

Diana was with Beatrix this time, perfectly in tune with the flex of bones and the sway of muscles, hands easing forward without a change in contact as her horse perfectly tucked her legs and cleared the jump with a delicate flick of her hind hooves.

" _Very_ nice! Give her a pat, you can be done."

She felt herself smiling. Beatrix's nostrils were puffing and she snorted hard, giving her head a little shake to toss the throat latch around once Diana had brought her back to a walk.

"Remember, first show of the season next weekend. I'll have your classes picked out for you by the end of next week. And don't complain about not knowing what you're signed up for this time. You know very well by now that you should be prepared for whatever I throw at you." With that, she plucked out her mobile and started looking through the many calls she'd received during the lesson—an indication that any retorts would not be heard.

Diana glanced over at where the Games Teams were riding. They were still going at it. Ponies were dashing everywhere, riders were jumping off and back on, loud cheers were erupting every few moments from both teams and the few people who had turned out in the stands to watch. She stared as she cooled Beatrix, transfixed. They were doing some kind of race where they were rearranging cups on a line of poles.

Hannah and Barbara rode up next to her. Cello's head was dipped in exhaustion, but Belle was as perky as ever as she turned her head, tossing her neck over the older chestnut gelding to watch the events taking place with a curious glint in her large brown eyes.

"Bet Andrew's here," Hannah said, tossing a wink at Barbara and raising a gloved hand to point at the Games. "You know he rides for that nonsense now, too."

"Yeah, but he still does the jumpers," Barbara replied, shrugging. "So he's still hot in my book."

"So the degree of attractiveness is now equated with the discipline of the rider?" Diana asked with the quirk of a brow, glancing over at her two friends from below the bill of her riding cap. "I was unaware the two were related."

"That's not what I  _meant_ , Diana," Barbara groaned, rolling her eyes and scratching the side of Belle's muscular neck. "But it's like… so you prefer guys who play football over rugby because it's a sexier sport, you know?" She shrugged. "I mean, well, not for you with the whole guy thing, but—"

"No need to continue," Diana sighed, watching as Akko went from a stand-still to a full out gallop. She whipped her pony around the poles, grabbing cups and deftly rearranging them without a break in her stride before bolting back to the end of the arena where the rest of the ponies stood. Her team rose into cheers and she stood in the irons, grinning so wide that Diana could see it from where she sat. "I was just making a joke, anyway. I am thoroughly capable of that, you know."

She guided Beatrix to the center of the arena and dropped her stirrups to dismount in one swift movement. Her feet always felt weird and a little shaky when she hit the ground, especially after a pretty hard work out, and so she leaned up against the mare's bulging shoulder muscle as she readjusted. After loosening the girth and running her stirrups up, she began walking without waiting for her peers, anxious to get to the cheering and laughing that was happening nearby.

"Where are you going?" Hannah asked, jogging a little as she tried to pull Cello—though he wanted nothing to do with it—up to Diana's side. Barbara followed.

Diana nodded in the direction of the competition. "I'm curious," she said, guiding her mare over to the wooden bleachers that lined the lane side of the massive arena.

"You're not going to untack first?" Barbara murmured, holding Belle back and glancing between her own sweaty horse and Diana's.

Diana shrugged, climbing up into a spot at the edge of the stands and clutching the reins between loose, gloved fingers. At the proximity to her owner's lap, Beatrix stepped closer and nibbled affectionately at her half chaps. Diana reached down and offered the mare a few scratches at the start of her thin white stripe. "She'll be fine for a couple minutes," she said, letting her eyes fall on the arena.

Everything looked different up close. It wasn't as messy a scene as it seemed from the Hunt Team arena, but instead carefully orchestrated with every piece of equipment lined up to perfection. White lines had been drawn into the sand with lime, dividing the lanes between Luna Nova and Appleton. Miss Nelson and an instructor from Appleton were busy setting up for the next race while the riders mingled at the end of the arena. It was a small event, easy going, showing no signs of stress that Diana was used to during her own schooling shows. In fact, everyone seemed to be having a good time.

Diana watched as Amanda pulled a white band off her helmet and tossed it to Akko, who slid it on with a smirk and a nod. Across the arena, Nelson and the Appleton coach were throwing some items into the sand. In the middle of each lane was a barrel, a grooming box set carefully on each.

Beside her, Beatrix wiped a little bit of slobber on her breeches.

"He's  _so_  cute," Barbara was saying. Apparently her friends had decided to stick around and were checking out Andrew Hanbridge, whose feet were kicked out of the stirrups as he leaned back, an arrogant smile spread across his lips as he crossed his arms and watched everything being set up with an unphased look on his face. He, too, had a white band around his helmet. He looked kind of strange, he was tall for the height of his horse, but Diana really didn't give it too much further thought. He was insufferable enough as it was with the imported Hanoverian that he'd had personally trained by Philip Dutton, she didn't want to even know how bad he flexed his testosterone in  _this_  sport with whatever fancy place he'd bought  _this_  pony from.

"First rider up!" came a booming voice from across the arena.

Amanda stepped up to the starting box with Star next to an Appleton rider on a taller gelding. The two exchanged a small glance before Amanda rocked back in the saddle, arms moving out to the side as she struggled to keep Star standing straight. He was jumping up and down with his front legs, twirling his hindquarters and chomping at the bit with the anticipation of running.

A flag dropped.

The ponies bolted.

The Appleton rider's horse was larger, but Star was faster. Diana watched as Amanda leapt from her pony's back at the end of the arena, grabbed something from the ground, and started running alongside her pony. She jumped once, twice, missed her mark, corrected and jumped again to awkwardly land on the pony's back at an angle. Even from the modest wooden stands, Diana could see the look of displeasure the American had as she grit her teeth in anger. She missed the barrel and had to whirl Star around, still fidgeting with her legs as she dropped something into the grooming box and took back off to the other ponies.

The Appleton rider had made no mistake. With his height, he had all but stepped onto his pony.

Constanze was next, but her pony was dramatically smaller than the others and hardly as fast, plus the Appleton riders had a firm lead. Their second rider had already jumped off. Constanze, though, was low enough to the ground that she simply dipped to the side and snagged one of the items right out of the sand, only slowing down momentarily.

Third was Lotte. She seemed more interested in one of the Appleton riders—she kept glancing in his direction—rather than the race itself, and so she was delayed in her start and gave the other team back the length of their lead that the small German had made up. She hopped off her stocky Haflinger and faltered for a moment before jumping back on and heading home.

Andrew and his horse, who looked like a rather regally bred black Arabian—Diana wouldn't have been surprised if she'd gotten him from Godolphin-had already bolted from the starting box to head to the other end of the arena while Akko's pony still stood behind the line, dancing with excited anticipation as her rider sat calmly, poised and ready.

Lotte flew across the line and Chariot leapt into the air in a remarkable burst of speed. Andrew was already off his pony, but Akko wasn't too far behind. The small girl had one hand in her mare's chestnut mane, pumping as she yelled something unintelligible.

She was going too fast—she hadn't even bothered to ease Chariot up—and the fence was coming quick. Diana felt herself wincing away, expecting an accident,

but Akko went hurtling from the back of her pony without breaking stride, sand spraying into a thick cloud as she dipped down almost imperceptibly. Chariot had already turned and Akko was running with her. The girl grabbed the leather strap she'd tied around the mare's neck, planted her feet, and leapt, muscular legs swinging gracefully into the air as she landed right in the middle of the saddle and kept going without missing a single beat. She sped by the barrel, her arm swinging in a wide arc as she slammed the item home and sped across the line, her legs out of the stirrups and flailing.

Andrew had crossed a couple strides ahead. It was too late, Appleton had won, but Akko looked thrilled with herself anyway and was smacking Chariot's neck with excitement.

"That's it," the Appleton coach called to the panting riders and jigging ponies that stood in a mass of chatter and laughter behind the start line. "Appleton 16, Luna Nova 14 at the end of the first day."

Diana glanced back at the Luna Nova team. Nobody seemed upset. In fact, they seemed rather cheerful as they walked their ponies by the Appleton boys and shook their hands, still mounted. Andrew was sitting on his pony with a haughty smirk as he shook their hands and regarded each one with a look of superiority.

God, she hated Andrew.

Her eyes fell on Akko. She was leaning back on her pony, legs kicked up with her ankles resting on Chariot's withers as though she was a sofa. The reins lay untouched around the mare's neck as she stood quietly, making no move while her rider squirmed, laughed, and joked with Amanda and Jasminka.

The brunette turned her head, her gaze settling on where Diana was sitting.

Akko lifted her hand in a friendly wave and a wide smile and Diana started to raise her hand to return the greeting when somebody to her rear yelled, "Hey!" and she turned to see Avery from the Dressage Team sitting behind her. Diana quickly lowered her hand back to her lap, feeling a hot blush rise to her cheeks as she quickly slid off the bench, gathering the braided reins of her bridle, and led Beatrix back to the barn.

Of course Akko hadn't been waving to her. Why would she? They weren't friends—far from it, in fact. Diana grimaced, choking on her own embarrassment and knowing that poor Beatrix was going to have to suffer with her very red face buried in her neck for the next half hour.

* * *

" _Diana!_ "

Not a moment's peace.

Diana let out a heavy sigh, her notes for Hippotherapy sliding out of her hands. "Yes, Hannah?"

Her door was shut, but once again, just as Diana predicted, it didn't matter. Hannah burst inside, flashing a bright grin. She was wearing what she usually wore when she went out and wanted to impress people—tight jeans, a pair of heels that made her dwarf Diana, a white crop top that showed off just how much the girl needed to eat, and one of her many blazers. Tonight it was the beige one.

"Get in, bitches! We're going shopping!"

Barbara skidded into Hannah, wearing an equally devious grin and a light green floral dress that Diana knew wouldn't be appropriate for how cold it was starting to get at night. The auburn-haired girl laughed when she hit the door frame, turning to gently shove the other girl away.

Diana pursed her lips, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers as she shook her head. "Absolutely not. I have a lot of studying to do."

"It's  _Saturday night_!" Barbara moaned, throwing herself onto Diana's bed and immediately wrinkling the comforter. "Everyone's going to Red Stallion! I got a message from Frank inviting us."

"Define everyone," Diana deadpanned. She let her chin fall back, staring at her bright overhead lamp. She already knew the answer, but she wanted Barbara to say it so she could argue her point.

She wasn't even looking at the girl and she could  _hear_  the grin. "You know. Frank, Andrewww-"

And there it was.

"I have zero interest in mingling with that knob," Diana muttered, waving her hand dismissively and turning her desk chair back to the notes and books that were spread across her desk. "I'll sit this one out."

"Oh, come on, Diana. Please?" Hannah was begging from the door. "That stupid Games Team will be there and I want you to go so you can see how they treat us. Better yet, maybe if they see you they won't bother talking to us!"

Diana felt her jaw clenching as she stared down hard at her notes. On the one hand, she really did need to study—she didn't want to get any further behind than a month ahead in any of her courses just in case something happened. But at the same time, if the Games Team was going-

"Fine," she mumbled, shoving herself up and ignoring the squeals of excitement from her two roommates. "But keep Andrew out of my sight."

* * *

"Oh, look who it is!"

Literally the first person she saw when she walked into the pub was the  _exact person she had told Hannah and Barbara to keep out of her sight._

"If it's not Miss Diana Cavendish herself," Andrew mused, pushing himself away from the bar and stalking over like a dysfunctional lion that had been kicked too many times in the head by a wildebeest. And that was being generous. "I can't believe you're gracing us with your presence. How's Luna Nova's star rider doing these days? Long time, no see."

"Yes. And it can continue to be a long time. Excuse me," Diana grumbled, ignoring whatever Andrew was retorting with and grabbing the sleeve of Hannah's jacket. She tugged her to the opposite side of the bar where Amanda was standing. She didn't particularly care for Amanda, but she would take the foul-mouthed American over Andrew and his arrogance any day.

"Damn, Cavendish, how'd they manage to get you out?" Amanda said with a sneer.

Diana hadn't exactly dressed up for the occasion. A pair of light jeans that happened to be clean and also happened to fit her particularly well, her favorite navy flats, and a low cut navy v-neck jumper to match. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, mostly because she couldn't get it to look the way she wanted down and she'd had enough of it. She didn't want to look like she was  _trying_ , because, well, it appeared that it didn't matter.

But, either way.

"Gordon's and tonic," Diana said to the bartender with a gentle wave of her hand. Hannah—who seemed extremely distraught at even being near Amanda—had quickly gotten whatever fruity drink was the flavor of the month for her and disappeared to go mingle with Barbara and the Appleton boys. So, once she had her drink in her hand and Andrew was well out of the vicinity (he knew better than to try again), she turned and leaned against the old wooden bar to finally take a look around.

She'd been to the Red Stallion before. It was one of the oldest pubs downtown, one that attracted a lot of tourists to the area because of its age and prosperity, not to mention an egregiously impossible haunting that had been covered by some American ghost hunting team, and the hand-painted portraits of famous racehorses on the walls along with shoes they'd worn in their races. There was Eclipse, of course—minus a shoe, because he was too far back-, Sceptre, Nashwan, Shergar, a few others. Since Diana had been there last, they'd added a very detailed painting of Frankel along with a bib signed by his trainer and jockey. She admired it briefly before turning her attention back to everybody else.

Amanda was facing away from her and chatting with her roommates. Barbara was fawning all over Andrew, who was feigning disinterest in the attention even though Diana knew he was eating it up. Hannah was chatting with Frank and Lotte, who appeared to be a couple based on how he had his arm around the small girl and she was smiling at him as though he hung the moon in the sky. The four other Appleton guys were engaged in a very serious game of pool.

And, at the other side of the bar, clutching a bottle of Harp and in the middle of what looked like a very animated story, was Akko. Her hair was down and straight, long over her shoulders and the back of the same jacket that Diana had seen her wearing the night she'd walked her to her dormitory. She was half hanging off the barstool as she made wild gestures with her arms at a very disinterested looking Sucy.

Akko caught her eye and, for a second, the glance lingered, though in a moment her expression changed to one of distaste as she turned away and continued her conversation.

Diana frowned. She had been planning to walk over, maybe say hi—but that expression looked anything but friendly. With a long sigh, she brought her drink back to her lips and turned to Amanda, who was trying to catch the bartender's attention.

"The Games looked interesting," she said.

Amanda swiveled an emerald gaze, running a hand through wild red hair as she studied Diana's neutral expression. "Is that sarcasm, Cavendish?"

"No, I-"

"Three shots of Jimmy," Amanda called out when the bartender finally looked her way. Then, she turned her attention back to Diana. "Want one?"

"Absolutely not," Diana huffed, tilting her glass back and rolling her eyes.

"Thought not."

Why had she let Hannah and Barbara sucker her out again? With the meager chance of being able to talk to a girl she thought was cute that wouldn't even acknowledge her existence? She pulled out her mobile and threw it down on the bar as Amanda walked away without so much as another word, idly scrolling through the new articles of Horse & Hound that she'd already read. Though, as much as she tried to look like she was enjoying her solitude, she couldn't help the tug of her eyes as she looked up to find Akko again.

The girl was talking to the much taller Jasminka and Amanda. From where she stood, Diana could see the red shorts, the canvas of leg, the bruises that speckled the outsides of her thighs. Likely from all the acrobatics she was doing on a daily basis. Akko wasn't looking, so she let her eyes mindlessly wander-

Her mobile vibrated.

_Amanda 20:32_

_Whatcha lookin' at, Gayvendish?_

Diana's eyes shot up from the screen to find Amanda grinning at her, mobile in hand, from where she stood next to Jasminka. She could feel the flush working its way into her cheeks and desperately hoped the pub was dark enough to hide it. The last thing she wanted to do was give Amanda the satisfaction. And she was  _definitely_ not going to text her back.

Another vibration, her mobile twitching on the bar. Amanda had turned away and was looking down.

_Amanda 20:34_

_Like something you see?_

Diana let her forehead sink into her palm as she squeezed her eyes shut. Amanda was absolutely insufferable. She polished off the rest of her drink and ordered another one—she was going to need it—as she went back to reading the newest article on horse health.

She had just picked up her new drink when a buzz filled her hand.

_Amanda 20:38_

_Waited too long._

Diana turned off the screen and glanced up. Akko was sitting back in the same bar stool, but Andrew had sidled up next to her, clutching a glass of whiskey and carrying on a conversation as though he'd known her all her life. That was the way he weaseled his way into girls' pants: working the slimy charisma he'd picked up on from having a politician as a father.

 _Just like Chloe_ , she thought.

With a heavy roll of her eyes, she puffed out a long breath of air and looked away, down into the clear liquid in her glass and the lime that had submerged, untouched, beneath the ice. If Andrew was Akko's type, that was perfectly fine. In fact it was  _better_ , because that would very quickly end whatever sliver of attraction she had for a girl that was simply out of her league. But when she finally pulled her gaze back up to see how the two were getting on, she was surprised to find that neither of them were there any longer.

And the voice behind her startled her so much she jerked her hand and sloshed her drink.

"Quick question, what's your deal?"

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **HORSE & CHARACTER PROFILE**
> 
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> 
>  
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> 
>  _Barbara Parker_ | 19 | 5'4" | British | Major: Literature  
> Hunter/Jumper Team
> 
>  _Belle of the Night_ | 16hh | 5 | Thoroughbred | Mare  
> Black with white star, front left sock


	7. Common Ground

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

Akko had never even kissed anybody.

That's not to say that she didn't know who she  _wanted_  to kiss. She knew what she liked when she was five, if that could be believed. There was a girl who lived on the same floor in her apartment building and she remembered doing cartwheels and other acrobatic feats in an attempt to get her attention. It never worked, in fact they had never even become friends nor had Akko ever learned her name, but it was her first indicator that she was different from the other girls. She wanted to impress them, to enthrall them with her charisma and prowess, to have them look at her in the same way they looked at boys.

Being gay in Japan was drastically different than the western countries—she'd already seen that from the first few weeks she'd been in England—and Akko was slowly adjusting to the ability to be open with who she was without feeling guilty about it. Not that she was ashamed. She wasn't, she liked who she was and wouldn't change anything about it. It was just different.

She had grown used to hiding her feelings behind jokes and a smile, admiring the girls she liked from afar. Instead, she relied on the yuri manga she hid behind her schoolbooks and pirated poor-quality movies and shows on her laptop to satisfy her growing feelings. And that's not to say she never tried to be outright. When she was 16, she confessed to a close friend in the same way she'd read in her favorite manga, only to be shut down hard. The girl hadn't shamed her, but she made a point to reinforce that she was very, very straight and Akko was left in a thick cloud of embarrassment at her single attempt at romance.

And so she'd settled into the background and watched as the girls she crushed on fawned over boys from the academy down the street. If there was anyone like her, they were either in the exact same place or someone her eyes fell on with disinterest.

There was the one time Okaasan found her yuri when she was cleaning one day. Akko was 17 and free-spirited at that point, carried by notions and ideas of western influence, though she channeled all her energy into the Games team and reaching International success. She'd come home from school to find Okaasan crying over tea and they'd had an emotional conversation that fell mainly on the idea of a lack of grandchildren. Akko was an only child and Okaasan and Otousan had made it quite clear they couldn't wait for her to marry and have a family of her own. It was quite simply cultural normality, the natural flow of life and society. For Akko, it was the first time she felt like she truly failed her parents and the role she was expected to fulfill, but she was resolved in who she was and continued on as she always had: in the spotlight with her personality and in the shadows with her craving for emotional intimacy.

Her sexuality was not mentioned between them again, though they never inquired about boyfriends, either.

And so England had almost come as a surprise. She'd known the western countries, for the most part, were more accepting of different lifestyles and subcultures. Though Amanda's up-front sexuality had seemed almost over the top at first, Akko had quickly adjusted—she prided herself on going with the flow—and while she wasn't keen on being as in-your-face as Amanda (and probably never would), she had fallen into a level of comfort that she never felt in Japan.

Even still, her focus remained primarily on Chariot, the Games team, and her position as a student at Luna Nova. But Akko had to admit one thing: she thought the girls here were way prettier and she didn't have to feel bad for looking at them.

* * *

The Appleton team wasn't as bad as Akko thought they'd be. Though after the first day they were behind—Appleton had won six, Luna Nova had won four—the guys never rubbed it in their faces or acted like they were better. Well, except for Andrew. Sucy had warned her about him ahead of time and, though Akko tried to stay open-minded, she quickly found that all she'd said was true. He was arrogant and outspoken, blatant in his perceived superiority when his Arabian ("I had him imported from Dubai," he'd pointed out, even though nobody asked) outran or out-turned the other ponies. Akko felt a stab of satisfaction every time he made a mistake or was beaten in a head-to-head race.

Quite honestly, he was an asshole.

So when she was leaning against the bar at the Red Stallion to get a fresh beer—only her second, she'd nursed the first one—she had to suppress a groan when he strode over with a cocky smile and a determined look in his eyes.

"Hey," he said, flashing a grin. "It's Atsuko, right?"

Akko frowned, plopping down in the barstool and shoving her empty bottle across the bar to signal she wanted another. "Akko," she corrected.

He sidled into the seat next to her without even asking if it was alright. "I'm Andrew," he said, never taking his eyes off her even though she kept her gaze locked straight ahead. "Andrew Hanbridge. I don't think I introduced myself to you yet."

His name rolled off his tongue like he thought it was liquid gold, like it held some sort of weight in their community and he was blessing Akko just by talking to her.

"Uh-huh," she muttered. She wanted nothing to do with him, couldn't he tell? "Another," she said to the bartender when he came over, nodding to her empty bottle of Harp.

"I was going to offer to buy your next drink," Andrew pointed out, bringing his glass of whiskey—straight, on ice,  _what a badass,_ he and Amanda could be wingmen—and raising an eyebrow.

Akko shrugged, grabbing the cold beer as it was slid across the lacquered bar. "No, thanks," she said, waving her hand dismissively as she pushed away from the bar to go find one of her friends to talk to instead of the pompous jerk who clearly had intentions.

"Wow," he grumbled, shooting a glare after her. "You're about as polite as Diana."

Diana. Right.

Akko still didn't know what her issue was. She had walked her back to her dormitory the one night, which was a very nice if not very awkward and unexpected gesture, but then completely ignored her wave earlier in the day. Akko had been surprised and pleased to see her there watching—the whole Hunt Team, in fact—because she hadn't pegged any of the three as interested in even spectating the Games. But Diana had completely blown her off with a strange stare and immediately walked away.

Hot, cold, hot, cold.

But then she'd walked into the Red Stallion (Akko had  _not_  been expecting to see her there) looking like a model straight out of a J. Crew ad and Akko'd had to wipe her jaw off the floor. She had been trying to fight off a crush since the first time she'd seen the girl her very first week (and had dubbed her Barn Hottie before she knew her name), but every time the girl showed up, it was like she looked ten times better than the last time Akko had seen her. The  _last_  thing Akko needed was another stupid crush on a straight girl.

Though, she couldn't shake the strange air between them. She couldn't decide if Diana hated her or wanted to be on good terms. Earlier, Akko had looked up from a conversation with Sucy to find the girl staring at her, or maybe  _through_  her, though she didn't even acknowledge her presence and so Akko had turned away from her in confusion and said to Sucy, "I don't get it, what's Diana's problem?"

Sucy had just shrugged and said, "Don't know, don't care."

But  _Akko_ cared. She wanted to get along with everyone.

So she shrugged off Andrew and strode on over to the end of the bar, where Diana was staring into an untouched drink and looking entirely out of place among the groups of friends that were chatting animatedly and enjoying their time together.

"Quick question," she said, folding her arms across her chest and tapping the bottom of her beer bottle against her waist. "What's your deal?"

Diana jumped—like she hadn't expected someone to be near her, even though she was in a bar full of people—and spilled her drink a little bit. Akko felt sort of bad, maybe she should have at least said  _Hey_ or something first, but the question had just slipped out of her mouth.

Diana swiped the back of her hand on her jeans and leveled Akko with startled blue eyes. "Pardon?"

"You're nice to me one minute, the next minute you act like I don't even exist and give me the cold shoulder. What's up with that?" Arms still crossed, Akko brought the lip of her bottle to her mouth and took a sip.

"I don't understand what you mean," Diana said. "I wasn't aware that I ever did anything of the sort."

The patron next to Diana slid his empty pint across the bar and stood to leave. Akko regarded the freshly empty seat with a look of temptation, but made no move to take it. "I waved at you earlier today because I thought it was cool you were there and you totally blew me off."

Diana blinked. Her fingers were tracing the rim of her glass. "I thought you were waving at Avery."

"Who's Avery?"

"Oh."

Diana turned away and finally sipped her drink. This interaction had quickly become way more awkward than Akko had intended. She brought her beer back to her lips and let her arms fall to her sides while she glanced around the pub. All of her friends were off doing something else. Jasminka and Sucy were playing pool with a few Appleton guys, Lotte was hanging out with Frank and Constanze, and Amanda was engaged in a heated debate with Andrew that was steadily escalating in volume.

"You can sit, if you want."

Akko blinked back to Diana to find uncertain blue eyes watching her. She  _did_  look rather lonely, and Akko  _had_  come to clear the air—

"Alright," she replied, offering a small nod and sliding onto the bar stool. She had no idea what to say now that she'd approached the other girl, because she had been expecting some sort of defensive argument or—well, in all honesty, she hadn't thought that far ahead. "Sorry. About the, uh, confusion. Did you have fun watching? I know it's probably not as cool as jumping or anything—"

"No, it was really great," Diana said quickly. Her eyes flicked over Akko's face before falling back ahead. "I was only able to see a small amount, but maybe tomorrow I can watch more. You said there were two days, right?"

Akko nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay."

What a conversationalist. Akko lifted her beer and chugged.

"Are you ready for the Hippotherapy exam this week?"

And then she spit some of her beer out.

"There's a  _test_ this week?" Akko moaned, swiping her mouth with her sleeve and dropping her beer bottle back to the bar. "Are you serious? Since when?"

Diana glanced at her, one eyebrow raised, and frowned. "It's on Tuesday."

Akko buried her face in her hands. No, she'd had no idea there was a Hippotherapy exam. In fact, she hadn't even looked at the syllabus.  _The syllabus that probably held the exact dates of all the exams._  She groaned. "This sucks. Now I'm going to have to spend all night tomorrow studying!"

"I… have a pretty in depth study guide," Diana said after a moment and a long sip of her drink. She seemed to hesitate, spinning her phone on the bar for a moment before adding, "I could uh, text you the link to my Google drive, if you want."

"No, no," Akko said quickly, shaking her head. "That's okay, I would feel terrible. I'll just study my notes." She didn't know what the hell she was saying, she didn't have any notes, but she definitely knew she didn't want Diana to think she was using her for schoolwork. They were already on some weird kind of thin ice between rivals and acquaintances.

"Oh." Diana turned away and chugged her drink again. She seemed… disappointed? Akko found herself confused by the reaction—she would have thought the other girl would've wanted her to follow the honor code and do her own work—but she just shrugged and gulped her beer. The first she had drank slowly, because she'd been preoccupied bouncing around and talking to everybody, but the amount of awkward silences between herself and Diana had her drinking way faster than she planned.

"I saw Andrew speaking with you," Diana started, a tentative waver in her voice. "Anything in particular he wanted?"

"Oh, him." Akko grimaced and polished off her beer. "Seemed like he just wanted to get in my pants. Tried to buy me a drink. I don't know. The guy's a total jerk."

Diana chuckled, ice clinking against the sides of her glass as she twirled it in her hand. "He's a real prat. Rides Jumpers, too. Did he tell you all about his fancy Warmblood?"

"Mmm, no." Akko felt herself grinning. "Just the Arabian he imported from some Prince in Dubai."

A cackle slipped from Diana's lips and she looked surprised about it, slapping her hand over her mouth. She let herself laugh for a moment before bringing her hand away and saying, "My apologies. I just—I knew it. He tried to brag to me about the fleet of racehorses he's got under Aidan O'Brien. I looked them up. He's got two, they're under his father's name, and neither has broken a maiden."

Akko laughed, shooting a glance over at Andrew. He was chatting with Barbara again, looking completely bored by whatever she was running off at the mouth with. "Hopefully we'll beat them tomorrow. We just made a couple silly mistakes today. Nothing we can't fix." She shrugged, twirling her empty beer bottle in her hand.

"I thought you looked good." Diana glanced at her for a moment before bringing her stare back to her own empty glass. "You were… impressive."

Eesh, the best rider at Luna Nova was calling  _her_  impressive. She felt a warm blush creeping into her cheeks and looked at her fidgeting fingers, her pride swelling with the compliment. "Oh. Thanks," she said, finally raising her eyes and offering a small smile.

Diana was regarding the ice in her glass as though it might magically refill itself. Akko watched her eyes drift to her empty beer bottle and a long pause spread between them before the blonde girl said, "Um—buy you another?"

Akko took a deep breath, tilting the bottle in her hand and staring at the few drops of liquid left at the bottom. She hadn't been  _planning_ on having another, two had already been pushing it because she had to ride a whole lot in the morning, but she was sitting at a bar with a super attractive girl and they were actually kind of getting along and having a real conversation—

The patron next to her slammed his pint down with a dramatic flair and an animated gesture, sending a shockwave across the wooden bar.

"You don't have to do that," she said finally.

"No, I insist," Diana replied. Akko watched her flick her fingers between the drinks as she made eye contact with the bartender, who nodded an acknowledgment. "Think of it as… an apology for unintentionally confusing you." She shrugged, gliding her empty glass across the bar with the arrival of her new drink. "I think I got off on the wrong foot, so let's straighten things out, shall we?"

Diana raised her drink.

With a smile, Akko grabbed her new beer and let their glasses clink together.

* * *

Appleton had won.

It all boiled down to Akko missing the hand-off in the very first race, the  _easiest_  race. Pole bending. She should have anticipated that Mushroom would balk a little bit at Chariot's high speed, so when she stretched out her arm with the baton for Sucy to grab, she didn't account for the swing of the other horse's hindquarters and the extra distance that grew between them.

She'd had to circle back around to get Sucy the baton. They'd lost precious time and, thus, the race.

If the hand-off had been successful, Akko was positive they would've won. Star was much faster than Andrew's "regally bred" Arabian and there had been no other mistakes. But, as it stood, both of the teams ended up winning five races each. And, since Appleton had won six the day before, they had come out on top with 31 points to Luna Nova's 29. Had they won pole bending, the two teams would have gone into the tie-breaker, which was set to be the sock race. The team's best race.

The only consolation was that there weren't very many people there the next day. The Hunt Team surely didn't see their folly, because Miss Meridies had kept them far longer than their usual schooling lessons. Akko glanced over occasionally to see the three riders circling in a figure-eight and doing endless gridwork without stirrups. It made her wince—no stirrups had become commonplace for her, but she didn't have to focus on keeping her legs anywhere. They could be parallel with Chariot's spine and it didn't matter as long as she was on top of her horse.

So she was  _not_  jealous of that.

"Saw you talking with Cavendish last night," Amanda said as they walked the ponies back to the barn. Appleton was already in the process of loading their own ponies into a massive freight van to take them back home. "She wasn't giving you any trouble, was she?"

"No, of course not," Akko replied. Diana had actually been really pleasant—and Akko  _might_  have let her buy her a second beer, which she was still feeling as she brought her water to her lips in a desperate attempt to hydrate. "We were just talking horses." It was warm and the cold bottle was sweating into her hand, so she swiped it across her already dirty breeches. "She seems nice."

Amanda shrugged. "She's never been  _not_  nice," she replied, guiding Star into one of the wash stalls. Chariot paused a moment to look at him, but turned back to following Akko, occasionally bumping her thigh with a curious nose in an attempt to find peppermints. "She's just… Diana."

Akko plucked Chariot's halter off the hook she'd hung it on and held it out. Chariot obediently dipped her head in, letting her owner tug it up and fuss with her ears and forelock for a moment before fastening it. She led the pony into the wash stall next to Amanda and hooked her to the cross-ties—only because Miss Meridies would throw a fit if she saw her untied—and started to hose her off.

"Your line up wasn't bad," Amanda called out above the sound of the two hoses spraying off the sweaty ponies. "Could use a few tweaks, I think, but you wouldn't have known that without seeing how we did today."

Akko grunted a response, kneeling down to hit Chariot's belly and the insides of her legs. She didn't even hear the clop of horseshoes down the aisle until the three riders were right in front of them.

"Hey, Akko."

Akko blinked up from where she was kneeling on a black mat streaked with wet manure and dirt that had been freshly dug from someone else's shod horse (why was it so hard for people to clean up after themselves?) to see Diana standing in front of her. She and Beatrix looked absolutely exhausted. The former's sleeves had been rolled halfway up her biceps and her chest and stomach were patched with sweat. Her helmet was tucked under her arm and wavy strands of loose blonde hair from her French braid were stuck to the sides of her sweaty temples. There was a shadow over her bright blue eyes, but Akko figured that was probably because of the drinks the night before. Beatrix's head hung low, her nostrils still flaring, sweaty patches of hair stuck to her loosened girth.

The other two members of the Hunt Team kept walking, though Akko didn't miss the strange look that Hannah shot at Amanda.

"Hey," Akko replied, switching off the hose with a quick press of her thumb to the nozzle and straightening up. She was suddenly aware of how dirty and sweaty she looked and passed a hand over her loose ponytail.

Chariot turned and glanced back at her, a gentle snort rolling from her nostrils.

"I didn't get a chance to watch," Diana said. She scratched at her nose and left a smear of black across the side from her wet gloves. "How did you do?"

"Lost," Amanda called from the stall next door. "By one damn race."

Diana nodded, looking awkward and out of place as she shifted at her mare's side. Beatrix was gnawing at her bit and giving Chariot a curious look, rear hoof cocking with the sudden gift of relaxation. "Sorry I missed it. But I'm sure you rode great."

She was looking at Akko when she said it, though Akko was sure she meant Amanda, too.

"Amanda did." She looked at her wet pony, straightening her hand and swiping down her soaked neck to flick the excess water off. "I missed a hand-off and cost us a race."

"Aw, you don't know that, Akko!" Amanda yelled. The sound of running water ceased as she turned her own hose off. "Something else would have happened. Murphy's law."

Akko didn't know what that meant but she said, "Yeah, I guess," and continued to skim the water off her pony's shining copper coat. Chariot stomped a hoof and snorted again, bored but content, her wet tail stinging Akko's arm as it flicked across her barrel.

"Well, I'll be sure to catch the next one." Diana clucked to Beatrix and the mare perked up. She started to walk off down the aisle but Akko straightened up and said—

"Next one's in Glasgow."

Diana turned back, one eyebrow raised. "I'll consider trying to make it," she replied, waving a hand dismissively in the air before settling it onto her mare's wet shoulder and walking off.

In an instant, Amanda had slid around the stone wall, green eyes darting between the two riders.

"What?" Akko asked, squinting at the American.

Amanda grinned, shook her head, and said, "Nothing, Akko," before disappearing back to her own wash stall.

* * *

She failed the Hippotherapy exam.

Okay, she didn't  _fail_ , but she most certainly got a terrible mark that had resulted in having to see Professor Finnelan after class during her office hours and getting a lecture about how attending Luna Nova was a privilege and they would not allow mediocrity, even in the case of a full ride. Miss Nelson had been there, too, with the threat of sidelining Akko if her grades didn't begin to show improvement.

It was in that exact moment that she wished she had accepted Diana's offer to share her study guide. The other girl had gotten a perfect mark. She knew because she had seen it underneath her own paper as Professor Finnelan was handing them out. Her Google drive probably had all kinds of information that would help her with assignments in the class. Akko would have to ask for those at a later time.

But then she'd have to explain to Diana that she'd done terribly on a test and deal with whatever reaction came along with refusing to accept help in the first place.

She buried her hands deep into the pocket of her jacket as she stalked across the campus. It was dark, and late, but Akko had found herself unable to sleep and had the unshakable urge to see her pony. Chariot always made her feel better. Her mare was happy to see her no matter what and would always make her laugh with exploring lips and goofy acts—anything to get a peppermint. Plus she was soft and cozy and Akko could hug her without having to worry about it being an awkward length of time. She had hugged Lotte too long, once, and the other girl had weaseled herself away with an, "Okay, Akko…"

No, she could hang all over Chariot's neck and the mare would be perfectly content.

It was well after hours and the grounds to the barn was silent save for the horses on night turn-out snorting into the grass as they grazed. Akko's sneakers echoed across the cobblestone of the middle lane and she kicked at pebbles along the way, staring down with a set jaw and a faraway haze in her eyes. The moon made the buildings and fences cast eerie shadows across the stone, the leaves rustling a harmony above with an on-again off-again breeze.

Akko hunched down a little bit more into her jacket and slipped into the barn. The lights were off save for a single overhead near the tack room. It was chillier in the stone walls, making her wish she had at least put on a pair of pants instead of staying in her sleep shorts. She strode straight to Chariot's stall and peered in through the bars.

Her pony, who had been reaching up into the hay rack and munching contentedly, sensed her owner and turned around. With a quiet nicker, she walked over and shoved her nose into the offered hand.

Akko chuckled, unlatching the door and slipping into the stall with her small mare. "Hey, pretty lady," she murmured, ruffling the pony's forelock affectionately and pulling her muzzle up to plant a kiss between her nostrils. "No peppermints right now. Sorry, girl."

Chariot looked anyway, pressing flaring nostrils against the pockets of Akko's shorts and smacking her lips around the fabric. Akko stepped forward, wrapping her arms around the mare's soft neck and leaning in. She ran her hand over her back, over her shoulder, scratching at the small white spot on the side of her withers. Her mare didn't move and instead pressed back against her owner, turning her neck to check the back pockets when the front yielded no results.

"You're silly," Akko mumbled into her mane. She breathed deep the scent of horse, of dirt and hay and the leftover hint of citronella, and let herself relax. When she was with Chariot she could forget about the stress of school and life. She could sink into another world where it was just the two of them and no one else.

But it never lasted forever. It couldn't.

After a while, Akko pulled away, stroking the mare's soft neck and picking at a spot of dirt before backing off. "See you tomorrow, Chariot," she said, affectionately pinching a hairy muzzle that was still looking for treats before slipping from the stall and returning the latch. It was late, way past any semblance of an acceptable time to be out and about, and Akko had an 8 a.m. She sighed at the idea of the lack of sleep she was going to get and strode through the barn, peering through the bars at the other horses as she went.

She found herself pausing at Beatrix's.

Burying her hands into her pockets, she stood on her toes and peered into the stall. The large bay mare was laying down, stretched out on her cushion of cedar and straw, her lips flapping as though dreaming. Cute. Akko smiled at the sight and started to walk away until she heard a groan.

It was coming from Beatrix's stall.

She back-peddled, eyebrows stitching together as she squinted into the stall. Beatrix was sitting up a little, but there was something not quite right. Her brown eyes looked distant, her nostrils a little too wide to be relaxed or sleeping. As Akko watched, she craned her neck and nibbled at her side, huffing dramatically and letting another quiet groan echo into the silence of the night.

Kuso.

Akko stepped across the aisle and flicked the overhead on. With the additional light she could see the sweat that coated the mare's soft neck, the heavy up and down of her barrel. No, something wasn't right at all. Akko had seen it plenty of times before and knew exactly what was wrong.

She whipped out her phone and immediately called Miss Nelson.

No answer.

Well, she didn't have the number of any other coaches. But every stall had emergency information—it was required under the Luna Nova safety rules in case anything happened—and so she found the number she needed and dialed.

A sleepy, confused voice answered after a couple rings.

"Hello?"

Akko took a deep breath, rolling her tongue and teeth across her bottom lip as she looked at the distressed mare, and said, "Diana, you need to get to the barn. Now."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **HORSE & CHARACTER PROFILE**  
>  _Sucy Manbavaran_ | 19 | 5'4" | British | Major: Chemical Engineering  
> Mounted Games Team
> 
>  _Mushroom_ | 13hh | 14 | Welsh Cross | Gelding  
> Blue Roan with no markings


	8. A Long Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would like to thank my british friends for showing me what a phone number looks like

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

Diana grunted awake at the sudden shrill of her mobile going off beneath her pillow. She slapped her hand around until her fingers wrapped around the vibrating device and lifted it, squinting her eyes at the overly bright screen to see who would possibly be calling her in the middle of the night.

_INCOMING CALL_

_071392287856_

_01:17_

Not a number she recognized. She hit accept and held the phone to her ear, letting her eyes drift back shut as she mumbled, "Hello?"

"Diana, you need to get to the barn, now."

She let out a heavy sigh and rolled over onto her back, forcing her eyelids open as she pulled the mobile away from her face and regarded the lit screen for a moment before saying, "Huh?"

"It's Akko—I mean, it's Beatrix, she's colicking, just—ugh, just get here!"

Diana didn't even wait to hear the dial tone signaling the call was ended. She was slinging her covers away and leaping up in a flash of anxiety, nearly knocking over her side table to turn her lamp on as she yanked on the first pair of jeans she could find and threw a jumper over the t-shirt she'd been sleeping in. In a matter of moments, she was yanking paddock boots over a pair of mismatched socks and banging her way through the dark house, slamming doors and cabinets as she dug for the tube of banamine that she knew was lying around somewhere, not really caring if she woke Hannah or Barbara. Which, she probably did, but she didn't stay to find out—she grabbed her keys, her wallet, and her phone, and was out the door before even five minutes had passed.

Beatrix had been absolutely fine earlier that day. They'd had their usual workout, nothing strenuous, just Dressage and a little bit of conditioning, and she'd eaten her oats with the same veracity that she always showed. When Diana had finally left the stable, long after most of the other riders, Beatrix had been happily snacking on a fresh pad of hay that she'd placed into her feeder.

Besides, Beatrix  _never_  colicked.

Why was she colicking  _now_?

Diana hardly ever drove. She couldn't remember the last time she'd even gotten behind the wheel of her Mazda—likely weeks ago-but it would take two minutes to get to the stable versus the ten or fifteen it would take on foot. She held her breath as she turned the key and thank God, she still had petrol, before stalling out putting it into first and letting out of slew of curses before taking off. The roads were completely empty, void of any other cars and life aside from a couple of people standing outside a pub that was still open, and so she may have made a couple illegal turns. But in the dead of the night, it was mostly just her and her panic, so she justified it that way.

She racked her brain for any sort of symptom she may have missed during her time with her mare. She had completed her routine inspection as usual, carefully feeling each tendon and ligament for heat and running her hands over every inch of her tall horse's body for any sign of distress. Beatrix had acted completely normal. She had begged for treats, was willingly moving forward, drank a few gulps of water after their workout, passed manure in the cross-ties—

Diana pounded a palm on the steering wheel. "You bloody idiot," she grumbled to herself. She still hadn't pinpointed a moment in time that the mare hinted at being ill, but as her caretaker, Diana let the responsibility fall solely on her shoulders. Beatrix relied on her. She had failed her.

She could already see the dark outline of her mare before she even pulled her car into the modest parking lot next to the main barn. The floodlights over the Games arena glared down, bright and obnoxious against the black sky of near midnight. Even from a distance, she could see Akko's gaze locked on the ground as she trudged along, one hand shoved into the pocket of her jacket, the other clutching the lead rope as she dutifully led Beatrix around the outside of the arena in monotonous circles.

Diana all but ran up to the two, hissing as sharp wood scraped against the soft skin of her palm as she clambered through the rails of the fence. Akko glanced up in acknowledgment but didn't stop walking.

"When did you find her?" she asked. There was another question— _what are you doing out here at one in the morning?_ —but Diana didn't raise that topic because if Akko  _hadn't_  been there, the situation could have been much worse than it appeared to be.

"Um... about fifteen minutes ago," Akko said. "Found her lying in her stall. I got her up as soon as I noticed something was wrong."

"Thank you." Diana pulled the tube of banamine from her pocket.

Akko regarded the medicine with a cool ease before nodding at the white smears around the mare's lips. "Already gave her some. I had a tube in my first aid kit."

Diana blinked at the other girl as she walked by her side, taking in the sight of her mare: the sweat-coated neck, the flaring nostrils, the gut noises that rumbled against her hand when she placed a palm on her barrel. Her tail was raised and flagged a little bit to the side and occasionally she would try to stop, pawing at the sand in preparation to roll. Akko would just tug the rope, cluck, offer a word of reassurance, and keep her moving.

"Chariot colicked once," Akko clarified, giving her a tense smile. "Got too excited on her first day home and fed her four times and rode her twice in between. Dumb move, don't do that, that's a recipe for disaster. I'm kind of an idiot, though." She scratched the back of her neck and looked away.

Diana would have laughed but she was a little bit stressed out, to say the least. She reached for the lead rope. "You're not an idiot. Thank you, Akko. I've got her. You can go back to your dormitory."

Akko shook her head. "It's alright. I don't mind staying and keeping you two company. We can just hand her off every once in a while. Besides," the other girl's eyes skimmed over Diana's messy appearance and the blonde suddenly felt extremely self-conscious, "you look like you just woke up."

"Of course I just woke up, Akko, it's one in the morning! What did you think I was doing?"

Akko hummed, turning to face Beatrix as the mare stopped to paw once more. She urged her forward with a gentle, "It's alright, girl, you can do it," and scratched her gently on the shoulder. The large mare huffed and lurched back into a walk, head hanging low, large eyes drooped with discomfort.

Diana shoved her hands into the front pockets of her jeans. It was cold, and Akko was wearing shorts—why in the world was that girl always wearing shorts?—and Diana had to wonder how she wasn't freezing. She let her eyes run over the smooth skin, the bruises dotting the pale canvas of her thighs, until she realized the other girl was looking at her and she turned away and blushed.

Akko let out a long yawn and Diana moved in, weaseling the lead out of her hand—which was very cold—and taking the mare away before the other girl could oppose. "You can go lay down in my car, if you want," Diana offered, unclipping her keys from a belt loop and holding them out to reinforce her invitation. "Or, you know, just go back to your dormitory. I won't be bothered by it."

"Nah, I'm fine." Her eyes, a dull maroon in the darkness, fell on where Diana's car was parked and she said, "Would've pegged you for fine German engineering."

"I prefer Japanese models," Diana murmured—and then promptly felt a red hot blush stinging her ears at the realization of her own comment. She cleared her throat into a closed fist and added, "Better gas mileage and less expensive repairs."

Luckily, though, Akko didn't seem to notice. She paused her stride momentarily as Diana had to force Beatrix to keep walking once more. Diana was fully aware of the shorter girl's jacket sleeve rubbing against her arm and felt herself swallowing hard at the realization of the proximity.

"Don't you have a show this weekend?" Akko asked after a moment's silence and another hard tug on the rope by Diana.

"Not anymore," Diana mumbled. Miss Meridies would probably try to get her to ride one of the horses the school owned, but that would honestly be a waste of time. Points were given based on a horse and rider combination—riding another horse would be money unnecessarily spent. No, better to just sit the upcoming show out and enter a few more classes in the next.

Diana glanced down and realized the other girl was wearing her runners, which were barely even tied, and didn't even have socks on. She frowned. The sand in her shoes had to be uncomfortable.

"I don't understand how you're not cold," she mumbled.

"I'm freezing."

Diana shook her head and laughed, switching the rope to her left hand to rest a palm against Beatrix's shoulder, which was moving mechanically as she plodded along, the muscles rippling beneath her sleek flesh. "Maybe you shouldn't wear the shortest shorts on the planet at night in the middle of October, then. My offer stands for the car."

"Nope." Akko grinned and skipped ahead a little bit, making Beatrix raise her head and flick her ears forward. The mare snorted an acknowledgment and kept on trudging. "Can't get rid of me that easy!"

She was cute. Her long hair swayed around her shoulders and pale jawbones as she let a broad grin slide across her face. Diana couldn't help but smile back.

It should have been a truly dreadful situation. After all, she was walking in a circle in the middle of a cold October night with her sick mare when she really would have rather been sleeping in her warm bed. But Akko was there—bright, cheerful, and very adorable Akko—and so Diana found that she really couldn't complain about the circumstances, at all.

* * *

 

By the time Beatrix was feeling better—and Diana knew because she left a heap of manure in the middle of the arena and was no longer trying to roll away her discomfort—the sun was starting to peek over the horizon and through the line of trees that spread in a barrier around the Luna Nova stables. She was exhausted and could feel the heavy bags beneath her half-lidded eyes, the palm of her hand stifling a yawn every other second. Between all the stirrup-less riding Meridies was making them do and walking her horse for nearly four hours, she was almost grateful that she wouldn't be able to ride her mare for a few days. Her legs needed rest.

She looked to where Akko had curled up against the fence by the gate, her legs stretched out of hoof-pocked ground. The other girl had dragged Chariot's dirty winter blanket from the tack room and had it wrapped around her body, her head tilted back against the wooden post and her mouth wide open as she slept. Akko had champed her way through most of the night and had only settled down about an hour ago, refusing to sleep in the car or just go back to the dormitories, "Just in case Diana needed her to take over."

Company had been very much appreciated. The exact source of the company had been even more appreciated.

"Hey, Akko."

Diana knelt down and placed a hand gently on the sleeping girl's shoulder. Her eyes fluttered open, a weary, dull red staring back in momentary confusion before Akko yawned, raised her arms in a deep stretch, and said, "Morning, sunshine."

Diana rose and stepped back, patting the mare's neck. She was much more alert than she had been over the night, but it was easy to tell that she, too, was exhausted. A back pastern bent with every pause in stride as she tried to rest her weary body.

"Do you need a break?" Akko asked, yawning again as she clambered to her feet. "I'll walk her." The collar of her jacket was sticking up and Diana suppressed the urge to reach out and fix it.

Instead, she shook her head and offered a tired smile. "No, she's feeling better. I'm going to put her in her paddock so she can keep moving around. Come on, let's go."

She waited while Akko gathered the blanket into her arms and opened the gate for her and her horse, yawning all the way across the cobblestone lane and into the stable. The birds that lived in the trees and rafters had woken in a harmony of early morning chirps and Diana felt her stomach gnawing with discomfort from being up all night. She wanted so badly to climb back into bed, but she had a class in a few short hours and so that need would have to wait to be fulfilled.

Akko disappeared to go put the blanket back into her tack stall while Diana led Beatrix through her box and into the small paddock that connected to it. The mare stepped away with a snort, lowering her nose to begin sifting through a pile of hay. Good, she was interested in food. Diana let out a sigh of relief and unclipped the rope, leaving her halter on, just in case.

She found Akko all but laying on Diana's monogrammed mahogany tack trunk in front of Beatrix's box. The girl was struggling to stay awake, unfocused eyes staring off into the distance. "Good?" she mumbled, sleepy gaze turning to Diana.

"Good," Diana confirmed. "Come on, let me give you a ride back to your dormitory. If you walk I'll likely find you passed out somewhere in the middle of campus."

Akko chuckled and didn't even bother to retort. She obediently followed Diana to her car and slid into the passenger seat, slumping against the faux leather and barely even managing to buckle her seatbelt. "Nice car," she barely managed to mumble before letting her head drift sideways.

She fell asleep somewhere between the stable and the three minutes it took to get to her dorm building, but the sound the car pulling to a stop woke her back up. Diana slid the car into neutral and held her foot on the brake, glancing over at the Japanese girl as she fumbled with the door handle.

"Hey, Akko?"

"Hmm?"

Akko turned to face her, suppressing another yawn.

"Thank you. Again."

Akko nodded, a slow smile spreading across her lips as she lingered, one leg dangling from the open door of the car. "Sure." She hesitated and took a deep breath, then said, "Can I ask you something?"

Diana felt her eyebrows knit together as she studied the other girl—the messy brown hair, the tired eyes, the bare legs prickled with goosebumps-and nodded. "What's that?"

"Do you suppose we're friends now?"

She didn't know whether or not to be hurt that Akko didn't think that they were friends  _before_  or to be excited that Akko was considering them friends  _now_. Play it cool, Diana. Stay neutral. She licked her lips and tightened her grip on the steering wheel. "If you like."

"Cool." Akko nodded again and pulled herself out of the car, pausing for a moment for a final glance before adding, "I like."

The door slammed shut. A bit hard—Diana certainly would have scolded Hannah and Barbara for that—but she didn't necessarily care. She was tired and smiling, watching the brunette as she dug her key card out of her wallet and disappeared into the sliding doors of the dormitory.

Friends. That was okay. Diana could certainly settle for being friends.

* * *

"Bloody hell, Diana, you've got  _me_  wet," Hannah said from her doorway.

Diana froze mid air-grind with her hands out to the side. Her gaze snapped to the door of her room, where Hannah stood with a shit-eating grin and her mobile held sideways in front of her face. She could feel the blood rushing to her neck and face and lunged forward.

"Delete that! Now!"

"No  _way_ ," Hannah howled, jerking her phone away from the desperate blonde and breaking into shrill laughter. "That's quality content right there. I'm adding this to my wank bank."

Diana dropped her bright red face into her palm, gritting her teeth together.

_At least I've got you in my head_

"Hayley, too," Hannah said through laughs, propping herself up against the door frame and folding her arms over her chest—mobile snug and hidden against her abdomen—as she nodded at Diana's MacBook. "Who's got  _you_  feeling saucy?"

In long, embarrassment-fueled strides, Diana stormed over to her MacBook and muted Spotify with the press of a button. She  _had_  been studying for an upcoming exam in Equine Nutrition, but her favorite Hayley Kiyoko song came on and Diana had been feeling it because thoughts of Akko were plaguing the back of her mind, and so she had started dancing. In a tank top. And her underwear.  _Because it was her room and private personal space and she could do what she wanted in it._

And, of course, now Hannah had a bloody video.

"Why do you feel the need to enter my room without announcing yourself?" Diana moaned, running a hand through her wavy blonde hair and crossing her arms tight over her chest in some sense of self-preservation as she leveled an icy blue stare at her roommate.

"What's going on?" Barbara mumbled from down the hall. Diana could hear the creak of her bedroom door and her bare feet plodding against the hardwood floor.

Hannah was smirking. "Knock? Then how would I catch you doing things like this? I mean,  _shit_ , girl," she hissed, holding her phone up. "Hey, Barbs, look at this-"  
" _Delete that!_ "

"Absolutely not! Don't worry, I'll only send it to everyone you ever crush on."

"Wow, Diana, I don't think I'm so straight anymore."

"I've got an idea. You're single, I'm single, this is hot as hell, let's-"

Diana groaned and buried her face in her hands again. "Hannah, I told you not to flirt with me! That's so weird and inappropriate. And both of you, get out of here! This is an invasion of privacy!"

"Eh." Hannah waved a hand dismissively, turning to walk off. "You're not my type, anyway. Too sexy. I prefer boyish charm."

Barbara blinked at Diana for a moment from where she stood in her sleep clothes, somewhat confused but also entertained, with one black eyebrow quirked. "I mean, damn, though," she muttered, inhaling deeply and letting her eyes trail over Diana's body before following her roommate.

Diana lunged for the door and pressed it shut, turning the lock this time for good measure. She had asked time and time again for her roommates to either knock or announce themselves before entering her room, and  _time and time again_ they barged in without any kind of warning. One of these days she was going to be

doing

something

 _inappropriate_.

She let out a heavy sigh and slammed her MacBook shut. It was late anyway and she was still trying to get her sleep pattern back in order from being up all night earlier in the week with Beatrix. The mare had settled out just fine and seemed completely back to normal, but Diana wasn't about to take her to the show. Hannah and Barbara were going without her, which would be pretty nice, because she'd have the flat to herself and wouldn't have to worry about them  _barging into her room_.

She paused for a moment before flicking out her lamp, staring through her window to gaze across the street and the university beyond. It was always a sight she could appreciate: the ornate architecture reaching into the night sky, the bright stars that glimmered overhead. In the distance, she could see some of the rolling fields of the stables and the very edge of the barn that held her mare. She liked to look every night, just to remind herself of where she was and what she was doing.

Just as she was settling beneath the covers, her mobile vibrated on the other side of her pillow. Nobody texted her—unless it was Hannah sending that stupid video, in which case she would kick her all the way across campus—and so a message so late in the night was a little strange.

_Thursday, October 4, 2018_

> _Akko 22:08_
> 
> _Heeeeeeeeyyyy what are you doing :3_

Akko?

She blinked down at the message, kicking her bare feet against the cold sheets as she pushed herself up to sit against her headboard. She'd saved the number, obviously, in case she ever needed to call or message the other girl, and she'd be lying if she tried to say she hadn't hovered over an empty screen for a while trying to think of something to say without coming across as weird, but Akko texting her out of the blue was... a pleasant surprise.

She'd started to type out a response, deleting it once (because she was going to say "About to go to sleep", and if she said that Akko would likely stop talking to her) and typing out something new when-

> _Akko 22:09_
> 
> _Wrong person sorry_

Diana's thumb froze over the keyboard and she frowned down at the dim screen until a couple more messages popped up in rapid succession.

> _Akko 22:09_
> 
> _just kidding_
> 
> _Hey Diana_

Her disappointment quickly turned to amusement as she chuckled and let herself drift down against her pillow, rolling over onto her side.

> _Diana 22:10_
> 
> _You sure about that?_
> 
> _Akko 22:10_
> 
> _Yep_

Well, now she didn't really know what to say. Chloe had always told her she was terrible at texting—she was usually delayed in her responses and "too formal", whatever that meant—and so she didn't want to say something stupid.

Which seemed fine, because dots lit up on her screen indicating Akko typing, anyway.

> _Akko 22:11_
> 
> _how's B?_

Her muscles were shaking a little and she tried to relax. Why was she nervous? It was just Akko and it was just texting. No big deal, right?

> _Diana 22:12_
> 
> _She's great, thanks again._
> 
> _Akko 22:12_
> 
> _(* ^ ω ^)_

Whatever that meant.

> _Akko 22:12_
> 
> _still not going t_ _his wknd?_
> 
> _Diana 22:12_
> 
> _Unfortunately not._

She needed to go to bed—she had a quiz in Microbiology and a presentation in Pharmacology—but now her adrenaline was on high and she didn't want to close her eyes at all.

> _Akko 22:13_
> 
> _we are going to LWS tmrw night if u wanna come!_

She was about to ask what LWS before she realized it probably meant Last Wednesday Society and mentally scolded herself for almost asking a ridiculous question.

But... we. That meant the rest of the Games team, probably. Girls that really didn't seem to welcome her company in the least. Especially Amanda O'Neill.

Diana let out a long sigh and tensed one calf muscle, rolling her jaw as she stared off into the darkness of her room. Light from somewhere else in the flat was still flooding in through the bottom of her door: either one of her roommates was still awake (unlikely, they had to wake up early to prepare for the show) or they left on a light unknowingly (more likely, they always did that). She flicked her eyes back to the screen and realized she'd let time go by just thinking about a response.

> _Diana 22:17_
> 
> _Maybe._

A few minutes passed and Diana was starting to think that her message was a little too terse and was considering what else she could say when-

> _Akko 22:21_
> 
> _Pleeeeease? :3_
> 
> _I owe u drinks_
> 
> _2 to be exact_
> 
> _maybe 1 more as interest_
> 
> _Akko 22:22_
> 
> _so 3 drinks_
> 
> _I guess 4 if u want 4_
> 
> _thats a lot tho_
> 
> _how about just 3_
> 
> _(/ω/)_

Diana laughed and turned her face into her pillow, twitching her toes into the sheets. She nibbled at her bottom lip and tried to stop the blush from working into her cheeks as she typed back.

> _Diana 22:23_
> 
> _How terribly convincing._
> 
> _Akko 22:24_
> 
> _sounds like a yes_

She  _did_  want to go and hang out with Akko, but-

> _Diana 22:25_
> 
> _We'll see._
> 
> _Akko 22:25_
> 
> _-_-_
> 
> _Diana 22:25_
> 
> _What are you still doing up?_
> 
> _Akko 22:26_
> 
> _texting you duh :3_
> 
> _its not late_
> 
> _wait_
> 
> _is it too late_
> 
> _ughh_

Good lord, she messaged at the speed of light. Every time she moved to start typing something back, Akko had already sent three more before her thumbs could even hit the keyboard.

> _Akko 22:27_
> 
> _i'm so sorry_
> 
> _(/ω/)_
> 
> _Diana 22:28_
> 
> _lol. It's fine, Akko._
> 
> _Akko 22:28_
> 
> _ok_
> 
> _good_
> 
> _:3_
> 
> _Akko 22:30_
> 
> _tmrw?_
> 
> _Diana 22:31_
> 
> _Fine._
> 
> _Akko 22:31_
> 
> _ok see you there! :3 night!_

Well, okay,  _that_  happened. With a sigh, she typed out one final message and hit send before shoving her mobile back under her pillow.

> _Diana 22:32_
> 
> _Goodnight._

So she was going out with Akko. Well, and the rest of the Games team, but that was besides the point, because, well—Akko would be there. She pulled her covers up to her chin and flexed her fingers into them, squeezing her eyes shut and trying hard, while also failing miserably, to suppress a grin that she was pretty sure she fell asleep with.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **HORSE & CHARACTER PROFILE**  
>  _Constanze Amalie von Braunschbank-Albrechtsberger_ | 19 | 5' | German | Major: Electrical Engineering  
> Mounted Games Team
> 
>  _Stan_ | 11.3hh | 8 | German Riding Pony | Gelding  
> Dappled Grey with 4 white stockings


	9. TARGET v. CATEGORY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys are like surprising me with the turn out for this fic?? like i'm over the moon because i get to gush about horses and somehow you all are liking it??
> 
> anyway
> 
> I CHOOSE YOU, AMANDA!

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

She lost again. Why was Constanze  _so_  much better than she was?

With a disgruntled groan, she threw the controller down on the ground beside her and slumped against the couch. Lotte, curled up at the edge of the sofa above her, patted her head gently and said, "Aw, it's okay, Akko, you almost got her that time!"

Constanze, with a victorious grin, dropped the controller down on Jasminka's lap and fell onto her back from where she sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the television. On their massive television, flashes of Princess Peach speeding by Akko's Yoshi rotated across the screen. They'd been playing for the better part of three hours and Constanze had won  _every single race._

Jasminka had invited Akko and her two roommates over to the flat she shared with Amanda and Constanze following their Games practice, which went well but it had been colder outside than usual and therefore entirely uncomfortable and not very fun. But, now, they were warm in the small, dark den where Amanda had been diligently stoking a fire for most of the evening. Dinner had consisted of crisps and marshmallows, which was acceptable in Akko's book.

"Don't feel bad, Akko," Jasminka said, smiling. She was sitting on the other end of the couch, contentedly snacking from a massive bag of crisps. "She plays this all the time."

"My turn, Conz. Stop showing off," Amanda grumbled, setting down the poker and snatching the controller away from Constanze. "Who wants in?"

"I'm out," Akko said. "I think that's enough for me tonight." She held the controller out to Lotte, who shook her head—she was busy texting Frank—and then Sucy, who took it with a limp hand and shrugged.

"Sure, why not," the lavender-haired girl mumbled.

Akko leaned back against the couch, stretching her legs out across the floor. Lotte was mindlessly running her fingers through her dirty brunette hair between texting her boyfriend, which was very welcome and also a little distracting, but she wasn't going to blame losing on Lotte's affection. Constanze would have won, anyway.

She glanced down at her own phone that had been lying on the rug next to her, ignored, and picked it up to flick the screen on. The background, a picture of Chariot sticking her nose into the camera, stared back at her. No notifications. Not that she  _expected_ any. Why would Diana message her?

Though, they had agreed that they were technically friends…

She turned her phone so that prying eyes couldn't see, feeling Lotte's fingers working through a knot in her hair, and flipped open to her contacts.

 

> 071132687692
> 
> BARN HOTTIE

Well, since they were friends, and Akko knew for a fact that Diana wasn't going to the show in Birmingham, there wouldn't be any harm in inviting her out with them the following night… right?

Akko took a deep breath and flipped open the message screen, hammering something out before she second guessed herself.

 

> _Akko 10:08_
> 
> _Heeeeeeeeyyyy what are you doing :3_

She lowered her phone, gnawing at her lip as her eyes switched between her phone and the television. Amanda was getting thoroughly smashed by Sucy, who was smirking with glee. Jasminka was still on the first lap and kept going off course to shovel crisps into her mouth.

Akko glanced back down, watching the dots flicker across the bottom of the screen. Then stop. Then flicker again. Great, maybe Diana hadn't even saved her number and didn't know who she was. Play it off.

 

> _Akko 10:09_
> 
> _Wrong person sorry_

No wait shit that was the wrong thing to do because then Diana would get confused or upset if she actually knew it was Akko plus how could it be the wrong person if they'd never texted before—

_Akko 10:09_

> _just kidding_
> 
> _Hey Diana_

Please know who she was.

Her phone vibrated.

 

> _BARN HOTTIE 10:10_
> 
> _You sure about that?_

Akko chuckled, leaning her head back into Lotte's nails and letting her thumbs hover over the keyboard for a moment.

 

> _Akko 10:10_
> 
> _Yep_

She still wasn't sure Diana even knew exactly who she was, so she figured she would clear everything up with a quick:

 

> _Akko 10:11_
> 
> _how's B?_
> 
> _BARN HOTTIE 10:12_
> 
> _She's great, thanks again._

Confirmed! Diana knew who she was and things didn't even have to get awkward! Akko smiled and crouched over her phone.

 

> _Akko 10:12_
> 
> _(* ^ ω ^)_
> 
> _still not going this wknd?_

She figured that Diana wasn't, because she had made it quite clear she didn't want to ride a schooling horse and would prefer to stay back with her mare. But it wasn't as though she had talked to the other girl since then, and Diana seemed to be like somebody who would do her own thing without letting somebody else know.

 

> _BARN HOTTIE 10:12_
> 
> _Unfortunately not._

Okay, well, good. That meant she was likely free to go to Last Wednesday Society with them. Akko had thought about inviting her all week. The only other time she saw the Diana interact socially was at the Red Stallion, and, well, she wasn't exactly being  social . But she'd seemed to have a good time after she had someone to talk to. She glanced up at her friends, none of which were paying attention to her. She felt like she was doing something secretive—Amanda would probably tease her mercilessly if she knew she was texting Diana Cavendish—and so she really didn't want anybody to ask her what she was doing.

 

> _Akko 10:13_
> 
> _we are going to LWS tmrw night if u wanna come!_

Akko waited, staring at the screen. A minute went by. Two. No dots. She guessed she had her answer. She had switched her screen off and was watching her friends, who were waiting to start another round, when her phone vibrated against her palm.

 

> _BARN HOTTIE 10:17_
> 
> _Maybe._

Maybe? What kind of answer was that? Akko frowned, scratching at her bicep in thought.

"Yo Akko, are you sure you don't want a go? Conz is itching for another victory."

Akko looked up to see Amanda dangling the controller in her hand and shook her head, glancing back down at the screen and Diana's one word response. "I'm good," she said. She could see the American turn her eyes to the phone in her lap but she said nothing and instead shrugged, pulling the controller back and returning her attention to the game.

Akko took a deep breath. She was going to get Diana to come out. Besides, maybe having Diana hang out with them would end all the weird air between the Hunt and Games Teams. If Diana was friends with them, Hannah and Barbara would have to be nice by default, right?

 

> _Akko 10:21_
> 
> _Pleeeeease? :3_
> 
> _I owe u drinks_
> 
> _2 to be exact_

Akko narrowed her eyes and threw all self-reservation out the window, thumbs hammering away.

 

> _Akko 10:21_
> 
> _maybe 1 more as interest_
> 
> _Akko 10:22_
> 
> _so 3 drinks_
> 
> _I guess 4 if u want 4_
> 
> _thats a lot tho_
> 
> _how about just 3_
> 
> _(/_ _ω/)_

She finally stopped to let Diana have a chance to respond. Lotte was staring at her with an eyebrow raised, but turned her blue eyes back to her own phone.

 

> _BARN HOTTIE 10:23_
> 
> _How terribly convincing._

Akko couldn't tell if that was sarcasm or not. She raised one dark eyebrow and responded.

 

> _Akko 10:24_
> 
> _sounds like a yes_

A pause.

 

> _BARN HOTTIE 10:25_
> 
> _We'll see._
> 
> _Akko 10:25_
> 
> _-_-_

If Akko didn't know better, she would have thought Diana was playing hard to get. But Diana was independent and a little shifty socially, plus had no reason to be playful as far as platonically hanging out with a girl like Akko, so she figured the other girl just didn't want to commit to plans. She frowned and lowered her phone with no intention of trying anymore until her phone buzzed again.

 

> _BARN HOTTIE 10:25_
> 
> _What are you still doing up?_

Okay, well if Diana was going to continue the conversation—

 

> _Akko 10:26_
> 
> _texting you duh :3_
> 
> _its not late_
> 
> _wait_

It wasn't, it was only half ten, but—shoot, Diana was probably one of those people who went to bed early! Of course she was. Akko had likely woken the other girl up because she didn't bother to check what time it was. She could feel a hot flush burning into her cheeks as she typed out some quick responses.

 

> _Akko 10:26_
> 
> _is it too late_
> 
> _ughh_
> 
> _Akko 10:27_
> 
> _i'm so sorry_
> 
> _(/_ _ω/)_

Akko would have smacked herself in the forehead if there weren't five other people in the room who would've wondered why she was having such strange reactions to her phone.

 

> _BARN HOTTIE 10:28_
> 
> _lol. It's fine, Akko._

Akko let a long, heavy sigh slip through her nostrils. Diana was laughing. That was good.

_Akko 10:28_

 

> _ok_
> 
> _good_
> 
> _:3_

"You guys ready to head back?" she heard Sucy ask. Akko glanced up to see her friend looking between her and Lotte, who had both been heavily engaged in their phone conversations and ignoring everybody else. "Or did you want to stay here all night on your phones?"

Akko pushed herself to her feet, brushing off the breeches she was still wearing and plucking up her jacket. "Yeah, sure." She looked back down at her screen. Diana still hadn't given her a concrete response.

 

> _Akko 10:30_
> 
> _tmrw?_

She slid into her jacket, dropping her phone on the coffee table for a moment only to see it light up and spin across the glass a moment later.

_BARN HOTTIE 10:31_

> _Fine._

Akko couldn't stop the broad grin that spread smoothly across her face. She ignored Sucy's inquiry of, "What are you grinning at?" and sent her last text before shoving her phone into her pocket and saying, "Nothing!"

 

> _Akko 10:31_
> 
> _ok see you there! :3 night!_

She had convinced Diana to go out with them! Though, she hadn't asked the rest of the team if it would be okay to invite Diana, but she didn't think they would care. Well, she hoped they wouldn't. They all had to get along, eventually, if they were going to spend the next few years at the same school and riding at the same barn together. It only made sense.

She didn't even realize that Diana had sent her a final text until she got home and was changing into her sleep clothes. The blue light on her phone blinked with a notification.

 

> _BARN HOTTIE 10:32_
> 
> _Goodnight._

Akko grinned.

* * *

"The correspondent inference theory suggests that perception of an individual or a situation is based on the perceiver's inference, or understanding, of action and causation. Essentially, the perceiver will judge the perceived based on observation and categorize as such based on social acceptability and desirability."

Professor Badcock was droning on in her usual, " _This is super interesting, listen to how excited I am_!" voice that was her attempt at making the material interesting. It wasn't working—the general consensus, ha, Akko had been listening a little—was that the information being put out was incredibly boring. She dragged her pen across her notebook, smoothing out the neck muscles of the rearing horse she was drawing on one half of her page. Her notes consisted of:

_05 October 2018_

_jones and davis 1965_

_attribution = distinctiveness | consensus | consistency_

_this sucks_

If most of the students do poorly on an exam (high consistency!) and everyone thinks the material is super boring (high consistency!) then the likeliest explanation for poor marks is the material (stimulus!)

Akko groaned and let her forehead smack into her palm as she continued to shade her horse while Badcock rolled on.

"One of the main components of this theory is the idea of expectancy, of which Jones and Davis state there are two types." Professor Badcock flicked to the next slide of the lesson. "Page 267 of your text." Akko was on 262. She made no move to change it.

 

> **CATEGORY-BASED EXPECTANCIES:**
> 
> \- Derived from knowledge about particular groups or sub-cultures
> 
> \- Heavily influenced by stereotypes and assumptions
> 
> **TARGET-BASED EXPECTANCIES:**
> 
> \- Derived from knowledge about a particular person
> 
> \- Familiarity with the person's belief and character

Akko glanced up only briefly, her eyes flitting through her fingers as she analyzed the slide with disinterest before scanning the classroom. For the first time, she realized Hannah wasn't there in her regular seat. She had likely already left for the show. Red eyes fell on the digital clock on the far wall.

Ten more minutes. Ten more minutes and she was free for the weekend. She could do ten more minutes.

"This theory began as an analyzation of first impressions," Professor Badcock continued, leaning against the podium and gazing over the lecture hall, at the students in the front row who were paying close attention and the students in the back who, like Akko, were clearly somewhere else. "And sought to determine a perceiver's determination of socially acceptable behaviors versus those that were unusual. For example, we expect a certain person to behave in a specific way because we have perceived them to fall into a certain category, and when they do something outside the expectations of that category, their behavior has become unusual. However, if we take that same person and have an understanding of their identity and mannerisms, that same behavior could be completely acceptable."

Akko's phone buzzed across her notebook, where it had been lying face down for the majority of the lecture. She set her pen down and flipped it over.

 

> _BARN HOTTIE 3:45_
> 
> _Time?_

Maybe it was the fact that she had completely turned her brain off because it was the end of the week, she was already in weekend mode, and the lecture was particularly boring, but Akko could not for the life of her understand what Diana was asking.

 

> _Akko 3:45_
> 
> _3:45_

She covered her mouth in an attempt to suppress a yawn before running her hands through her hair. Five more minutes. She wished that Professor Badcock was the type to let them out of class early, but the excitable instructor liked to go to the very last minute. Even on Fridays.

 

> _BARN HOTTIE 3:46_
> 
> …
> 
> _I meant tonight?_

Oh.

Akko snickered and picked her phone up, straightening her back and hiding her hands under her desk as she responded. Of course Diana had meant her invitation to Last Wednesday.

 

> _Akko 3:46_
> 
> _Oh oops_
> 
> _after practice_
> 
> _BARN HOTTIE 3:47_
> 
> _Helpful. Thank you._

Akko yawned again and kicked her legs out under the table in a deep stretch, raising glazed eyes to fall on the PowerPoint once again. Somebody had decided to tell a story about how they thought somebody was weird, blahblah, turned out they were just raised in a different culture, it was acceptable there, imagine that, how strange—why did people feel the need to talk?  _Especially_ when class was about to end?

 

> _BARN HOTTIE 3:49_
> 
> _Are you here?_

Akko looked back down at the phone in her hand.

 

> _Akko 3:49_
> 
> _yes_
> 
> _no_
> 
> _maybe_
> 
> _where's here_

She smirked to herself, amused by her own messages—who would entertain her if she didn't do it herself?—and set her phone down to start packing up her belongings. The class would be over in a moment and she wanted to be the first one out the door. Her Chariot awaited!

 

> _BARN HOTTIE 3:49_
> 
> _Nevermind, I see you're not._

Akko blinked.

> _BARN HOTTIE 3:50_
> 
> _See you tonight._
> 
> _Maybe._

"Please review the theory's studies of communicative context and subtext for the lesson on Monday," Professor Badcock was saying up front, though Akko was sure hardly anybody heard her because everybody was already throwing their things into their bags and pushing their chairs up.

 

> _BARN HOTTIE 3:50_
> 
> _We'll see._
> 
> _Minute possibility._
> 
> _BARN HOTTIE 3:51_
> 
> _Very small, in fact._
> 
> _Aleph-zero._
> 
> _Okay, bye!_

Akko stayed in her seat even after the others around her started to get up and leave, staring at the series of text messages that Diana had sent. The other night, she had been so monosyllabic, and now she was… was she  _playing_  with her?

Rolling her shoulders in a shrug, Akko tucked her phone into her pocket, slipped her bag over her shoulder, and headed off to the barn without a second thought.

* * *

The last thing Akko had wanted to do was go out on a Friday night in dirty breeches, an old long sleeve shirt that was still damp with sweat, and the same jacket that she was  _always_ wearing and likely covered with Chariot slobber. But, circumstances—those being the rest of the team demanding to just go straight to Last Wednesday, because why bother wasting time to go home and change?—had determined that her weekend was already going to start in a way she didn't plan. Akko didn't bother to argue. Her only justification would have been trying to look nice for a girl that would never have any sort of interest, and so it was probably a blessing in disguise.

The Team didn't get to the pub until almost eight and the place was still slow—the proprietor only had a couple people at the bar and the whole of the Jumping team, so a whopping five people, at one of the tables in the back. No Diana. They sidled into their usual booth with a pitcher of lager and a cider for Lotte.

"Ugh, feels good to be done with that week," Amanda muttered as she finished pouring beer into everyone's pints—she gave Akko  _way_  too much head and Akko frowned and blew on it—before saying, "Who wants a shot?"

Akko took a breath, staring down at the phone in her lap that had been still for hours before shooting a glance to the front door. "Me," she said quickly, lifting red eyes to meet green and tracing her fingers down the sides of her iced glass.

Amanda quirked an eyebrow at Akko but shrugged it off. "Alright. Me, Akko, Conz, Jas—Sucy, no? Lotte, I know you don't want one. Wuss."

"I prefer to call it 'knowing my limits'," Lotte said with a shrug, bringing her Strongbow to her lips and taking a small sip as she spun her phone on the table.

"Vodka," Jasminka grunted, waving her hand and already chugging her beer.

Amanda snorted. "I believe I'm paying, so  _I_ will choose, and I can already tell you that I am not getting shots of rubbing alcohol," she said before striding away with an air of importance.

Akko's phone vibrated against her leg. She glanced down and brushed a few copper hairs and flakes of cedar off her thigh before checking her phone.

 

> _BARN HOTTIE 8:17_
> 
> _Are you there already?_

"What are you smirking at?" Sucy grumbled from across the table.

 

> _Akko 8:17_
> 
> _maybe_

"Nothing," Akko said back, burying her phone in her lap and trying to force the corners of her lips down with the reply that flashed on her screen.

 

> _BARN HOTTIE 8:18_
> 
> _Alright. I'm not on the way._

Why was she shaking? She flicked her screen off and dropped her phone back into her lap, raising her eyes back to the table—Sucy was staring at her, but nobody else seemed to notice—before picking up her beer and taking a long sip. She swiped the foam from her upper lip with the back of her hand and tried to still her quivering skin.

There was no reason to be nervous. It was just Diana. They were just friends. Well, sort of. No. Yes. They were friends. Yes, she was one of the hottest girls Akko had ever seen. Yes, Akko may have been struggling to keep a crush under wraps and was failing miserably. But, at the end of the day, it was just the really hot blonde girl who rode the really nice horse and had really nice—

"Cheers, bitches," Amanda said as she dropped a handful of shots on the table and slid into the booth beside Akko. "Enjoy the finest whiskey that this place had on well!"

Diana was going to be there any minute. Liquid courage, make her blood stop boiling and her bones stop shaking and please for the love of everything holy do  _not_  let her run off at the mouth with something stupid.

The whiskey burned like fire down the back of her throat and she coughed loudly, slamming the empty shot glass down on the table and throwing a closed fist against her lips. Her eyes started watering and she ducked her head to hack into her sleeve.

"What a champ." Amanda laughed and slapped Akko on the shoulder, making her cough even more.

"I see you're already killing the poor girl."

 _Kuso_.

Sleeve still covering her mouth, Akko lifted her leaking eyes and red face to see Diana standing at the edge of the booth. And good lord if Akko hadn't been focused on the overwhelming embarrassment of hacking up her lungs, she probably would have just dropped dead right there, because Diana was wearing these tight black pants and black flats and a white tank top that hugged her thin stomach and a black leather jacket that reached halfway down her waist and her long blonde hair fell over her shoulders in perfect waves—

Akko would have taken the death. Sweet, sweet death.

She swiped at her eyes and lowered her arm.

"Fancy seeing you here," Amanda said, turning curious eyes up to their newest addition. "I thought Hannah and Barbara were at a show?"

"They are." Diana's confident smirk had faltered and she folded her arms across her chest, glancing at between Akko and the rest of the Games Team.

"I invited her," Akko wheezed, grabbing her beer and taking a swig to finally calm her throbbing throat and nodding at the empty seat across the table from Lotte.

Jasminka, who was already pouring her second beer, shrugged and said, "The more the merrier," and offered Diana a welcome grin. Akko could have kissed her right there. Platonically. On the cheek.

Diana's smile returned—tentatively—and she sat delicately at the edge of the booth next to Lotte. The Finnish girl slid over a little bit and said, "Sorry you couldn't go this weekend, Diana."

"It happens," Diana replied. She was fidgeting with her hands in her lap and looking completely out of place, like a flighty filly that was ready to bolt at the movement of a shadow. "I'm just glad Akko was around to notice Beatrix before it turned into a more serious situation."

Amanda swiveled to look at Akko, who was staring down into her beer as though it was going to save her from her own humiliation. "Yeah, good thing. You never told us why you were at the barn in the middle of the night," she said, an accusing smirk twitching at the corner of her mouth.

Akko did not want to admit in front of Diana that she had nearly failed a Hippotherapy test, so she decided to change the subject before Amanda could pry further. And what she meant to have come out was, " _Can I buy you a drink?"_ but what actually came out was:

"Drink?"

In the most pathetic squeak Akko's voice could have possibly made.

"I'll go get one," Diana said. She was smiling—no, laughing?—at Akko.

Akko stood up so fast that she rocked the booth with her thighs. She pressed her hands down against the edge to try to steady it and blushed. "No, I've got it! I told you I'd buy you a drink," she said quickly and was climbing over Amanda to get to the bar before the other girl could protest.

She felt some satisfaction with herself at being so sly, even if she'd had the grace of a three-legged mule, that she couldn't stop the confident smile that flitted across her lips when she set Diana's drink down in front of her to a, "Thank you, Akko," and a smile before sliding back in next to Amanda.

Until Diana took a sip and tried to hide a strange face by bringing her hand to her mouth and Akko squinted at her and asked, "Is it bad?"

"It's fine," Diana murmured, grabbing the lime to squeeze it into the drink, her nose twitching up a little at the corner as she added, "Just strong."

Amanda regarded Diana with a cool stare before turning to Akko. "Well is for peasants like us. Cavendish only drinks top shelf."

Akko was sure the glare Diana sent Amanda would have turned a normal person to stone, but Amanda was Amanda and she just grinned back as though she was the wittiest person on the planet. Akko decided then and there that she  _never_  wanted to be on the receiving end of a look like  _that_.

"Sorry," Akko mumbled, looking away and bringing her beer to her lips to take a sip and glancing over at Jasminka and Constanze, who were watching a YouTube video of last year's international competition.

"It's fine. Really," Diana asserted from across the table. She took another drink for emphasis and this time didn't make a face, so Akko felt better. Well, a little.

The other girl seemed to relax after some time, letting herself fall into the conversation (Lotte made sure to include her any chance she could) that consisted mostly of classes and horses. Akko didn't really know what to say to her now that she was  _there_ , but she supposed the point of getting Diana out was to get her on good terms with the Games Team and make sure she wasn't lonely or sad while her teammates were away at a show that she should have been at. The point wasn't for  _her_  to talk to Diana  _exclusively_.

Though, she wished she could.

Diana got up to get her second drink. Akko offered to get the next one, too, but Diana was resolute when she said, "No, don't worry about it, Akko. You don't need to be buying me drinks," and dismissed herself. As soon as she stepped away from the table, Amanda took a long gulp of her beer and turned to Akko.

"Why didn't you tell us you invited Cavendish?" she asked.

Akko shrugged, eyebrows stitching together as she stared back at the American. "I didn't think about it. I guess I forgot." She didn't. "I mean… it's alright, right?"

"Well, yeah, I guess," Amanda said. None of the other girls said anything otherwise so Amanda added, "You just have to give a girl a heads up, you know? You can't just surprise us with," she waved a hand at Diana, who was at the bar waiting for her drink, "that."

Akko felt herself frowning and she polished off the rest of her beer with a large swallow. "What do you mean by 'that'?"

"Nevermind," Amanda mumbled, grabbing the pitcher, empty after Akko poured herself another half of a pint. "I'm gonna get another."

Akko turned to watch her go, scratching at the side of her knee as she turned to regard the rest of the team. "What is she talking about?"

"They don't get along. You know that," Lotte said back, on her second bottle of Strongbow, phone in one hand where she was texting Frank.

Jasminka looked up from the new video that she and Constanze had switched to. The screen was paused on a rider vaulting onto the back of a white pony. "Amanda really doesn't like her very much. But it's okay, Akko, we don't mind."

Constanze nodded an affirmation before unpausing the video and continuing to watch.

"I don't care," Sucy said next to her, sipping her beer and staring off into the distance. "You know that."

Diana slid back into the booth next to Lotte. Akko had almost kind of hoped she'd just take where Amanda had been sitting—which would have been stupid because she probably would have imploded—and sipped her new drink. Diana's eyes fell on Akko, flicking over the girl's face for a moment. "How was practice?" she finally asked.

Akko perked up. Finally, Diana was speaking solely to  _her_. She ran her finger around the edge of her glass. "Oh, it was really good, we—"

"The well doth not run dry!" Amanda yelled, slamming the pitcher back down into the middle of the table and sloshing a little bit of beer over the side in the process. Diana made a face and pushed a few bar napkins at it to prevent any beer from dripping over on her, but Akko felt a few splashes against the thighs and swiped her hands against the thin material of her breeches in surprise.

"Was that necessary?" Diana growled, icy blue eyes darting up to the American.

Amanda shrugged and plopped down next to Akko, sliding one arm around the Japanese girl's shoulders in the process. Akko felt her brows furrowing in confusion and she turned a gaze up in questioning, but the American's green eyes were leveling the blue that bore into her from across the table.

Eh, whatever. Amanda was just acting rowdy, like she usually did when she'd had a few drinks. Akko picked up her beer and sipped it, shifting against the weight of the arm around her.

"You should've seen Akko tonight," Amanda was saying, thumbing at the girl sitting awkwardly next to her with her other hand. "She and Chariot were killing it. Can't wait to see them kick ass in Glasgow."

"Well, it is a team effort—" Akko started.

"I'm sure she'll do great," Diana said, raising her glass to her lips once more.

Amanda shrugged, her fingers twitching against Akko's arm. "Nah, they'll do better than great. Akko's done an awesome job with her pony and the team. Best captain we could have asked for."

Akko flushed at the compliment and filled her mouth with another swig of beer. "I mean I think I could use some work—"

"Well, she is very level-headed and confident," Diana was saying. "Which are important qualities for a position of leadership."

A smirk tugged at Amanda's lips. "Helps that she's a total babe, too."

What?

Akko's eyes widened and she looked at Amanda again. What was going on? "Huh?"

Diana said nothing. She glared at Amanda through narrowed eyes, color dusting her cheeks as she cleared her throat and dropped her gaze to her drink.

"Let's get you some more beer," Amanda said. She reached for the pitcher and filled Akko's pint up, tightening her grip on the other girl's shoulder as she slid in closer and let her fingers dance along the bicep of Akko's jacket.

Akko, thoroughly confused and  _extremely_  uncomfortable with the sudden actions of her friend, just stared at the beer with slightly parted lips and a pair of huge red eyes. She brought one hand up to awkwardly push her bangs aside as she looked between Amanda and Diana—the latter looking just as perturbed.

"You know, I should, um—probably go," Diana said after a moment, pushing her glass—still half full—across the table and rising. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket, folding her elbows into her sides. "I have a lot of studying to do."

"Wait, what?" Akko's eyes shot up. "Seriously? You haven't even been here that long."

"Yeah. I, um—Pharmacology exam. Quite a bit of material," the other girl muttered. "See you," she added before turning on her heel and striding off before Akko could even squirm her way out from beneath Amanda's arm and make any kind of protest.

"Aw, she was nice to talk to," Lotte said, frowning before going back to her phone.

Amanda withdrew her arm and shrugged, edging away to take a long swallow of her beer and turn her gaze away. "Anyway," she mumbled.

Akko stared after Diana long after she'd disappeared through the front door of the pub.

Amanda.  Target.  Unusual.

Diana. Category. ...?

She should have listened in class.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a reason I did not major in psychology and doing research for this chapter solidified that my decision was correct.
> 
> also writing diana texting is giving me life.
> 
> i thought i had a soccer game tonight but i don't so i'll prob get another update out.
> 
> ok bye.  
> \---  
>  **CHARACTER & HORSE PROFILE**  
>  _Jasminka Antonenko_ | 19 | 5'5" | Russian | Major: Culinary Studies  
> Mounted Games Team
> 
>  _Cookie_ | 15 | 14.1hh | Crossbred Pony | Gelding  
> Black and white overo paint


	10. Flying Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who did this
> 
> i drank a bourbon barrel stout and it's like 12% so hopefully this chapter is still in english
> 
> i probably won't have time to write tomorrow so goodbye forever until sunday
> 
> also we are almost at 50k words yes congratulations everybody!!!

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

Her face was red with anger and humiliation as she threw her leather jacket onto her bed and moved to the window of her bedroom to gaze out into the darkness. By all means, she knew what Amanda's issue was. The girl  _still_  thought that Diana had something to do with whatever childish antics happened between her and Hannah, even though Diana had asserted numerous times that she didn't even  _know_  about it. But, no, apparently Diana had "said something" or "did something" (Amanda couldn't decide which) to make whatever the situation was ( _because Diana had still never been privy to it!_ ) go to absolute hell, and couldn't be convinced otherwise.

"You're just mad about Chloe and you don't want anybody to be happy," Amanda had said the day she'd told her she was quitting the Hunt Team entirely. "I know you said something to her. You've never liked me and you've made that completely obvious."

Well, yes, she  _had_ been upset about Chloe, but that certainly hadn't meant she didn't wish happiness for anybody else. And, yes, she  _didn't_ really like Amanda all that much—the girl was crude and brass and had very little respect for others—but Chloe had been her own personal issue, one that she had been dealing with independently. Her feelings about her own break-up and dislike for Amanda were for Diana's mind only.

And neither of those things had  _anything_  to do with Amanda and Hannah and the tension that had flared between them in the last months of the previous semester.

It had been half a year since whatever happened between Amanda and Hannah... well, happened. None of it justified Amanda's actions or how the other girl continually found ways to get under her skin. And, yet, there they were, six months later with Amanda still doing exactly that.

"Hey there, Gayvendish," Amanda had droned as she slid up next to where she was standing and smacked the empty pitcher against the bar. "So what brings you out tonight?"

Diana knew from the moment Amanda started talking to her that nothing good would come of it. She cleared her throat and looked straight ahead. "Akko told you. She invited me."

Amanda had hummed and taken a moment to motion the proprietor for a new pitcher of lager before turning her attention back to Diana. "So what's going on with you and Akko, then?"

"I hardly understand why Akko inviting me out means that something is going on," Diana had replied, keeping her tone mellow and neutral. The American wanted a rise—that was always the end goal—and Diana was hard pressed to oblige.

"So you're saying that Akko managed to pull you out on a Friday night, nights that I know you can't stand because of the crowds—hold your tongue, I know you better than you think—to hang out with a bunch of people who you've never gotten along with, by yourself, with neither of your teammates along for the ride?" Amanda leveled her with a stare, emerald eyes flickering with amusement. "And there's nothing going on?"

Diana rolled her jaw and looked away. "I hardly deign to think Akko would ever think of me in any way you're suggesting," she said. "Though I also don't think there's anything wrong with making a friend and finding them... attractive." She had blushed when she said it and focused her gaze on where the bartender was pouring her drink.  _Please hurry_.

"So you like her."

"Amanda, I hardly know her."

The redhead huffed. "You're avoiding the question."

"I said I thought she was attractive," Diana hissed through grit teeth, struggling to keep her voice low. "Is that such a horrible thing?"

"How do you know she's even... nevermind, forget that question, she lights up every bell and whistle on even the shittiest gaydar." Amanda chuckled at herself, shooting a glance over her shoulder at Akko, who was talking to the other girls at the table, then brought her voice back to its challenging tone. "Alright, then. So you're saying you came out with no other intentions. Just to hang out with a friend. A very cute friend. Is that right?"

Diana didn't answer. She pursed her lips and stared at her fidgeting hands.

"Then I suppose I'm just here to hang out with a cute friend, too," Amanda said after a moment's pause. "If that's all it is."

Her drink had come. Finally. Diana had grabbed it and started to walk back to the table, but not before Amanda called out, "Let's see how Akko feels."

It had all been to get under Diana's skin. Every movement, every comment, every sideways glance and mischievous smirk. And Diana was loathe to admit that it had worked. She didn't want to sit there and watch Amanda hang all over Akko. She didn't want to spend her Friday night dealing with Amanda O'Neill. She had gone to spend time with Akko, to hopefully get to know her better, to maybe enjoy herself the way she had the other night when Akko sat down and talked to her. It had been eight bloody months since she last felt anything that made her stir—she just wanted to feel it  _again._

She brought her palm to her face and squeezed at her temples. She shouldn't have left. She should have just ignored Amanda and her childish comments or maybe pulled her aside and said something to her. Or, hell, she should have just let Amanda take shots at her and roll with the punches.

But she didn't, because the universe had already made it very clear it didn't want Diana to be happy. Her father, her mother, Chloe.

So why should she expect the world to suddenly shift beneath her feet?

Her mobile was blinking. She clenched her teeth and picked it up. Akko had messaged her quite some time before.

 

> _Akko 20:57_
> 
> _are you ok?_
> 
> _Akko 21:13_
> 
> _diana?_
> 
> _Akko 21:16_
> 
> _if I did something i'm sorry_

Diana felt her eyes glazing over as she stared down at the phone. She wanted to say something back. She wanted to message Akko and tell her that it wasn't her fault, that she had done nothing wrong, that she was sorry she left like that and maybe they could do something together again sometime, alone-

but she did none of that, because she was weak and angry and wasn't quite sure if she even liked the way Akko was making her feel vulnerable. Chloe had done that, once, and she had only ended up on her knees in the same dark place that she'd made her home after her parents died.

And so she dropped her phone on her desk and instead put herself to bed, crawling beneath the warm cocoon of her blankets where nothing but her own thoughts could cause her harm.

* * *

Akko didn't send her another message, and Diana left the last few unanswered. She had wanted to reply, but maybe it was for the best that she didn't. And, the longer that went by, the more awkward she felt about trying to explain herself or offer any kind of redemption.

Hannah and Barbara had come back from the show in Birmingham with very tired horses but a slew of honors and ribbons to boot. Hannah had taken Champion in the 100cm division against 16 other horses and riders, along with 1st in Overall Equitation for the entire show, and Barbara had landed a Reserve in a modestly sized Green Horse under saddle and over fences division. The long haul had been a success for Luna Nova, and Diana seriously regretted not packing on a schooling horse for the simple fact that she could have avoided Friday evening.

"How was your weekend?" Barbara asked when the two had finally dropped their bags in the main entrance of their flat before collapsing on the couch. She let out a heavy sigh and kicked her legs up, still clad in dirty breeches and knee-high socks littered with hay and cedar. It was raining, and both of their clothes were wet from unloading gear and horses in the inclement weather. Diana didn't have the energy to make a fuss over it, so she simply sank deeper into her father's leather armchair and let the novel she was reading drift to her lap. A bit of fiction had been a nice distraction from everything that was going on.

"Fine," Diana mumbled, hooking her thumb into the book to keep her place. She eyed her two roommates from behind her thin reading lenses. It was getting late, nearly nine, and Diana really hadn't been lying when she said she had a Pharmacology exam.

Hannah threw herself onto the floor with a dramatic sigh and wrapped her arms around one knee to stretch it to her chest. "What'd you do? Besides miss us?"

Diana looked at the tea she'd barely touched and pursed her lips. "Nothing. Studied. Spent time with Bea."

"Fascinating. You lead a life worth envy," Hannah mumbled. She switched to her other leg and turned her head on the floor to eye Diana through the legs of the coffee table. "Why are you acting like somebody shaved your mum's cat?"

Diana blinked, white-blonde eyebrows stitching together as she stared at her roommate. "Pardon?"

"Hannah, I told you to stop saying that," Barbara scolded from where she was still collapsed on the sofa. "It's super awkward and also can be taken very out of context." She tucked her hands behind her head and lifted it to look at Diana, mouth spreading in a wide yawn before saying, "She means you seem peeved."

"Just tired, I suppose," Diana said. She kicked her calves down to lower the leg rest and leaned forward on her knees, pulling her readers off and setting them on the side table next to her very full and very cold tea. "Long weekend."

Hannah hummed, eyebrows narrowing as she clambered up to sit cross-legged on the rug in front of the coffee table. "Did something happen?"

"I don't know why you would make that assumption," Diana muttered, inspecting her fingernails. They needed a trim, they were over the skin.

" _Maybe because you're acting like someone shaved your mum's cat_."

"Hannah, nobody says that, and besides, how is that an indicator that somebody would be upset? I knew that drive was too long when you started making this stuff up," Barbara moaned.

"Look, I would be very upset if somebody shaved my mum's cat. Rochester won first prize in the York Cat Show last year in the Persian division because of his coat-"

"Please shut up, Hannah, you sound barmy." Barbara finally kicked her legs off the couch and sat up, lifting her hands over her head in a long stretch. "But she's right, Diana, you do seem upset. Last week you were dancing in your room and now you... look like someone shaved your mum's cat." She shot a glare at Hannah. "What's up?"

Diana frowned, flicking her thumb against her middle finger. She took a deep breath before finally answering. "I went out with the Games Team on Friday night," she grumbled.

"Ew, why?"

" _Hannah_."

"Pardon me. I mean, what on earth would possibly make you want to do that?"

" _Hannah_."

"Girls." Diana lifted a palm in the air before bringing it to her face and pinching the bridge of her nose. The last thing she wanted to do was listen to her roommates bicker and act like a couple of gossip girls. "Akko invited me, and so I went."

"Akko?" Hannah cocked her head to the side and squinted her eyes at Diana. "I didn't know you two were friends."

"Yes, we are," Diana said quickly, before adding, "Well... we  _were_. I don't know." She groaned and pinched a little harder. "I thought we were starting to be friends, anyway, but then Amanda-"

"Of course it was Amanda!" Hannah moaned. "What did that bitch do this time?"

Diana lowered her hand and shrugged. "I should really get some sleep. I've got an exam in the morning-"

"If you want to be friends with Akko," Barbara started delicately, chewing at her bottom lip, "Then what does Amanda have to do with it? Just ignore her. That's what you've always told us to do when she's being cheeky."

Diana opened her mouth to speak-

"Say it," Hannah dared from the floor.

She let her mouth fall back shut and crinkled her lip, glaring at the auburn-haired girl who was smirking back at her.

"Go on."

"Fine. It's hard." Diana tossed her hands in the air and stood, slumping her way over to their kitchen to grab a bottle of water out of the fridge.

" _She finally knows how I feel!_ " Hannah yelled, fist pumping the air and letting herself fall back down against the rug.

"She gets under my skin and she knows it," Diana mumbled as she uncapped the bottle and took a swig. "She was just trying to make me jealous—you know what, I should really get to bed." She was blushing before she could stop herself.

"Jealous?"

"... jealous?"

Diana clenched her teeth together, rolling her jaw as she leaned against the marble countertop and turned the bottle in her hand. Why did she feel silly for admitting such a thing to her two best friends? They'd seen her fall from grace a million times before and would see her do it a million times again, so what was her hesitation about a simple attraction?

"You like Akko?" Barbara asked slowly.

Diana sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth and brought blue eyes to meet the inquiring stares of her roommates. "I don't... I don't  _not_  like her, but I wouldn't go as far as to say that I...  _like_  her. I don't know her well enough. Though I find her very endearing."

"You like Akko." Barbara was grinning. She jumped to her feet and stalked over their open kitchen, throwing herself into one of leather cushioned bar stools. "That's so sweet."

The tips of her ears were burning. "That's not what I-"

"If you're interested in Akko," Hannah climbed to her feet and joined Barbara, brown eyes settling on her blushing roommate, "why don't you just spend some time with her and see how it goes?"

"I tried."

Barbara shook her head. "Going out with her group of friends in a setting that opens everything to outside manipulation-and by outside manipulation I mean specifically  _Amanda-_ is not trying, Diana. I understand it's been, like, three years since you've had to figure out dating, but even you should know that. Of course Amanda is going to mess with you if she sees you taking an interest in something. It's what she  _does_." Hannah nodded an affirmation as she watched her black-haired roommate speak. "If you want to get to know Akko, get to know Akko. But... alone, you know?"

"So." Diana hesitated, running her index finger around the ridged top of the water bottle and crinkling the plastic in her fist. "You mean... ask her out on a date? Of sorts?"

"Well, it doesn't have to be a date," Hannah said, glancing at her friend. "You could just... get tea, or a pint, or, you know, whatever." She twirled the end of a messy french braid in her finger, unable to suppress the smile that was edging at the corner of her mouth. "Just make sure it's just the two of you."

Diana nodded, straightening her posture and leveling the two girls with a resolute stare. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips and she said, "Alright. Yes. Okay. I can do that. Thank you."

As she dismissed herself and walked off down the hall to her room, she could very clearly hear Hannah whisper-shriek, "That's so cute, Diana's got a crush!" and Barbara's, "Oh my godddd, Hannah!"

* * *

Akko still hadn't messaged her back.

She had checked her mobile periodically throughout the day to see if the other girl had sent her anything. After her shower in the morning, after her Pharmacology exam, after her Nutrition class, every few steps as she walked across campus between classes. Radio silence.

_Sunday, October 7, 2018_

 

> _Diana 22:19_
> 
> _Hi, Akko._
> 
> _How was your weekend?_

Diana gave her quiet mobile one more quick glance as she slid the reins over Beatrix's head. Still nothing. She likely blew any chance she had of even being friends with the girl—Akko didn't even want to talk to her. With a sigh, she tossed the mobile onto her tack trunk and walked through the dreary, golden light of the aisles.

It had been raining non-stop for the duration and, as such, the schooling session had been canceled for the day. Though, exercise was still an option with the indoor, and Diana was itching to ride after nearly an entire week out of the saddle, so she still paid her visit to the barn and tacked the mare in her dressage saddle and bridle to get a little bit of riding in.

Diana could see the sky outside through the back stall windows, dark with clouds and sheets of relentless rain, and sighed. She had been looking forward to a lesson, and the indoor was cramped and a little small for comfortable riding, barely the size of a large dressage arena, but it would have to do. She swung into the saddle and adjusted her stirrups, bending down to stroke Beatrix's sleek neck and give her an affectionate pat. The mare had shown no signs of further colic during the remainder of the week—Diana would have known, as she scrutinized her mare accordingly—and so she felt confident that there would be no further issues and there was be no harm in riding as usual.

She urged her mare forward with the dip of her seat and a squeeze of her calves, sighing into the saddle and letting a small smile flit across her lips. If there was anything to get her mind off the world outside and the confusion in her mind, it was Beatrix and the sensation of smooth power beneath her. The floating lull of her trot, the easy sway of her canter—there was nothing that compared, not even on the best of days.

Diana was halfway through her ride. Her inside hand* had dropped to her thigh, seat relaxing into the saddle as her mare moved forward at a slow, upward canter in a 20 meter circle at one end of the indoor arena. There was no one else there. The only other girl, a Jumper who was only lunging her gelding at the other end of the arena earlier on in the ride, had left a little while ago. Diana was alone. She had the indoor to herself.

Beatrix felt like air beneath her. The rise and fall of her forehand carrying her forward in a smooth, rocking canter made Diana almost forget about the necessary use of her natural aids. She hardly had to correct the mare aside from a few gentle nudges of her heels. Beatrix flexed through her poll and back, large brown eyes focused, snorts rolling from her nostrils as she kept up the perfect circle that was being asked.

If Diana had to guess, she would say her mare missed being ridden, too. The mare had seemed bored and out of place without a job for the week. The short stride of the canter Diana was asking was demanding, but Beatrix delivered with the ease of a trained athlete.

She didn't even realize that there were others until the gate leading to the outdoor lane creaked on its rusty hinges, swaying open to let the entire Games team walk through. Diana brought her gaze up as she continued on in the canter, bringing Beatrix across the diagonal and asking for a smooth flying change as she switched up to the right.

Jasminka was holding the gate open as the riders and ponies filtered through. They all looked absolutely miserable, covered in mud and soaked from the rain, as they slipped through the middle of the arena and toward the aisle of the barn. Diana tried not to pay too much attention and instead focus on Beatrix, but she couldn't help but let her eyes fall on Akko, who was most certainly looking her way.

She watched as the other girl turned to the rest of her team, said something, and started walking toward the center of the arena. Chariot's bridle was already off and slung over Akko's shoulder. The equally dirty and miserable looking mare plodded after her owner with the trust and obedience of a blind best friend. The smaller girl came to a stop, Chariot along with her, and leveled a gaze at Diana, offering a weak smile when their eyes finally met.

Diana lifted Beatrix's front end, bringing her to a flowing trot. She could feel the muscular hind legs flexing beneath her, the long, blocked black tail swaying with the movement. She sat deep and brought her mare to a walk, letting the reins slide through soft fingers so Beatrix could stretch her neck out and catch a breath of air as she strode over to where Akko stood.

"Hey!" Akko said. Her voice was cheerful and, well, normal. She rocked back on her heels, throwing one arm around her pony's neck. Chariot lifted her head and regarded her owner with a fond expression before stretching her nose out to the larger bay mare.

"Hello, Akko." Diana sat back and, with a squeeze of her thighs, brought Beatrix to a square halt. The mare dipped her neck and chewed at the bit.

Akko looked like she had been through the mill. There was hardly a spot on her that wasn't covered in mud or wet sand. Her tan breeches were soaked and streaked, raindrops trailing in rivers down her black jacket. One side of her, including her helmet, was absolutely covered in mud as though she'd been dragged through the dirt and, Diana thought, maybe she had. After all, it wouldn't surprise her. The side of her face was flecked with dark smears and dots, her long brunette ponytail was drenched across her shoulder, and her cheeks were red from the cold and rain.

"You look like you had a good time," Diana said. As if to answer, Chariot let out a loud snort that sounded akin to a groan and shook her entire body.

Akko frowned, fingers tracing underneath her pony's jugular—the only dry spot on the mare-as she stared up at the blonde. The small Japanese girl seemed even smaller from so high up and it was rather awkward, so Diana dropped her stirrups and slid from her mare's back, landing gently at Beatrix's shoulder.

"Miss Nelson makes us practice in the rain," Akko muttered, rolling her eyes. When she noticed Diana's eyes tracing the very muddy left side of her, she clarified with, "I missed a vault. Well, okay, I missed everything, actually. Except the ground. Which is very cold. And wet. In case you were wondering."

Diana chuckled. She shifted awkwardly next to Beatrix, who leaned forward and touched muzzles with Chariot. Diana started to pull them away—she didn't really want Beatrix to squeal, she wasn't always friendly with other mares—but at the last moment she decided not to. The horse crept forward, inhaling Chariot's scent and nipping at the side of her cheek playfully. Chariot stood her ground.

After a long pause,

"I texted you-"

"I texted you-"

Both of them said the same thing at the same time. Diana looked down and dug the toe of her boot into the sand, flexing her fingers against her braided reins.

The silence grew again, awkward and uncomfortably loud, until Akko finally said, "I... uh, right, well, I texted you Friday night after you left, but I don't know if you ever responded because I kind of lost my phone. It fell out of my pocket or something and I didn't notice for a while and I went back but I wasn't able to find it and..." she trailed off, laughing nervously as she shoved wet and dirty hands into the pockets of her jacket, shivering into it. "I wasn't able to get a new one until earlier today when the shops opened."

Diana brought her gaze back up, scanning Akko's face. The other girl had a bunch of sand clinging to her upper lip and the outside of her mouth.

"Oh," she said at last.

So that's why Akko had never responded.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Akko said. Her fingers were tracing a pattern against Chariot's neck, tugging unconsciously at the ends of the stringy copper mane. "I know Amanda was being a real jerk, I didn't know she would act like that. I should have stopped her, but I didn't know what to-" The other girl hesitated, her teeth rolling over her bottom lip before she made a face and swiped her mouth with her sleeve—then made another face and spat. "Guh, sand," she muttered. "Anyway." Her red eyes found Diana's. "I'm really sorry."

Diana nodded. A gloved thumb massaged the V of a braid in the reins. "I apologize as well," she replied. "It was-" she thought for a moment, lips pursing together. "It was rude of me to leave abruptly like I did."

"No, it's okay. I understand. I get if you don' t really want to hang out with us anymore." Akko smiled sadly, lowering her eyes. "Or me."

"That's absurd." She was blushing and she dipped her head down, hoping the bill of her helmet would hide the red of her face as she kicked the sand into a pile. "I was actually wondering if you might want to go out one night this week. For... drinks, or dinner, or... whatever." She licked her lips and looked back up, steeling herself with a deep breath of air. "You know, just us. I kind of... wouldn't mind getting to know you a little better. If that's okay." Akko was just blinking at her with this incredulous look on her face, so Diana felt the need to continue. "I mean, if you'd like to, of course, it's just that I-"

"Yes," Akko said quickly. She brought her sleeve to her face once more, swiping across her cheek and adding more dirt than was there originally. "I'd love to. I mean, that would be great. Yes. Okay. Good." The other girl took a shaky breath and was making sure to look anywhere but Diana. "Sorry, I just kind of thought you would hate me after-"

"Takes a bit more than that," Diana said, letting a nervous laugh pass from behind her teeth.

"Well, I, uh, have my new phone," Akko said. She pulled it out from where she'd had it tucked in her half-chaps-

"Seriously, Akko?" Diana's eyebrows shot up as she stared at the other girl. "You literally just lost a mobile and you take the brand new one out in the pouring rain while you're riding?"

"Well, I, uh-" Akko chuckled nervously, bringing one hand up to scratch at her dirty neck. "I thought you might text or something, so I-"

Diana brought her hand to her face and swiped the leather of her glove against her nose, inhaling deeply and shaking her head. "Baffling," she muttered. When she finally let her hand drop, she found Akko staring at her. The mobile—smeared with dirt already—was clutched in one hand. "Anyway, there's a great bar downtown I figured we could go to," she said. "If—er, is Wednesday okay?"

"Oh." Akko frowned, a hard shiver passing through her body as she pressed into her wet pony's neck. "I have late practices on Wednesdays sometimes."

"Oh."

Beatrix stomped a hoof, ears flicking back and forth as she stared straight ahead, content to relax.

"And I have to go to Scotland this weekend," Akko said. "First competition and all. I leave Friday so I should probably pack Thursday. I can... tomorrow? If you're free?"

"Tomorrow. Okay." Diana nodded. She was supposed to do gridwork the next night but she figured she could get Meridies to swing it to Wednesday. All she had to do was say that she wanted to give Beatrix another day of flatwork before getting into something as strenuous as grids. Hannah and Barbara wouldn't mind, they hated the exercises their coach put them through when it came to the woman's trademark bounces with no stirrups or hands. "I can do tomorrow."

"Okay," Akko echoed.

They stood there for another moment, both awkward and fidgety next to their very content and relaxed horses, before Akko finally said:

"Well, I'm going to go untack and... well, shower, hopefully. Eventually. I, uh-" she lifted her mobile, wagging it a little with a half-smile. "Same number. Different phone. Okay. Bye, Diana." She turned and walked off across the arena. Chariot hung back for a moment before she realized the brunette was gone and snapped to attention, turning to find her owner and follow at a very slow, lazy walk.

Diana watched her go, waiting for her to disappear through the gate to the barn and into the aisle, before turning and burying her face into her mare's sweaty neck to shield the grin that she couldn't hold back any longer.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello i don't think i need to do horse & rider profiles anymore unless you care about andrew which i certainly don't tbh.
> 
> thank you all for reading and your feedback this far. i am having a blast writing this and i hope it's not too confusing with the horse terms and all. i kind of forgot to stop defining them so i suppose i will now a little?
> 
> dressage: french for "training". this is the foundation of riding and encourages the natural movement and carriage of the horse. this discipline was used to train war horses and is now a competitive sport in the equestrian world.
> 
> lunging: this is a training and/or exercise method for when you don't want to ride. the horse is on a 20 meter circle held by a rope and commanded by the rider on the ground. a good basis for a young horse or a horse that needs to work out energy before a ride.
> 
> inside hand: all basis for right and left is lost when you're riding and instead judged on where the rail is. the inside would be the side closest to the middle of the arena, the outside would be the rail. so for diana to use her inside hand, if she was moving in a circle to the left, it would be her left hand.
> 
> poll: between the horse's ears. this is a flexion point on the horse and has the ability to relax or tense based on the horse's carriage. a relaxed poll is obviously better.
> 
> flying change: at the canter and gallop, a horse has what is called a 'lead'. at all times, one front leg will go a little further than the other. for a horse to be on the 'correct' lead, the leg to the inside would be reaching further. a flying change is when a horse does a 'skip' with its legs to switch momentum from one side of the body to the other.
> 
> square halt: a halt is a stop. a square halt is when the horse's legs line up evenly with no hoof left behind.
> 
> i probably had a lot more so feel free to ask bc it makes sense to me but i'm sure it's a little questionable at times.


	11. Teach Me To Vault pt. 1

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

The rain was still relentless the next day, pouring down in sheets over the entirety of the campus and drenching the grounds with puddles and deep patches of mud that Akko had to splash through in order to get to class. She was grateful that Miss Nelson had informed them that morning that they wouldn't be practicing in the miserable weather, though the alternative had been something that made Akko groan out loud.

Akko stared down at the message that she was about to send with a heavy sigh.

 

> _Akko 2:35_
> 
> _I can't tonight. I'm so sorry_

Miss Nelson had decided that they were going to have a team meeting to go through their strategy for Glasgow and, even though Akko had tried to get her to rearrange for another night, their coach wasn't having anything to do with it. And Akko certainly couldn't just say, " _Please, a pretty girl asked me for a drink and I'd really like to go_ ," because that certainly wouldn't reflect well on her role as Captain.

As Akko sunk down into her chair, ignoring the lecture on Clinical Psychology that was droning on at the front of the classroom, falling on very deaf ears. She planted her forehead into the heel of her palm and hit send.

Her eyes felt like they were glazing over as she eyed the screen of her phone, watching as the dots of Diana's typing stuttered across the screen multiple times before a message finally came through.

 

> _Diana 2:37_
> 
> _Oh, okay._

She'd completely forgotten that her contacts were gone with the loss of her phone and so she'd made a point to go by Beatrix's stall to plug Diana's number back into her phone the night before. Though, this time, she figured it would make sense to put Diana in as her actual name. BARN HOTTIE was officially retired.

Akko squeezed her eyes shut. She figured she should probably explain or Diana would likely think that Akko didn't  _want_  to take her up on her offer of getting a drink. She plucked her phone back up and typed out another message:

> _Akko 2:38_
> 
> _nelson wants us to talk about scotland._
> 
> _I tried to get her to move it_
> 
> _;_;_
> 
> _another time?_
> 
> _Diana 2:39_
> 
> _Sure. Another time is fine._

Akko frowned and turned her screen off. Diana was impossible to read through text messages—she was so formal and proper with what she wrote that she honestly couldn't get a reading on how the other girl felt. She gnawed on her lip and picked up her pen, rolling it in her hand as she stared down at the few notes she'd managed to take during the lecture. Nothing that would help her on any sort of quiz or exam. She had been too distracted, too nervous to message Diana and cancel something that she had very much been looking forward to.

Her screen lit up.

 

> _Diana 2:41_
> 
> _See you at the barn tonight, then?_

She picked her phone back up, hiding it below the desk and resting her hands on her thighs as she thumbed out a response.

 

> _Akko 2:42_
> 
> _alpha zero_
> 
> _Diana 2:43_
> 
> …
> 
> _Cute try._

Akko rolled her eyes and chuckled.

"Miss Kagari, if you found this class as interesting as you do your phone, you may not have done as poorly as you did on your last exam," Professor Pisces called out from the front of the lecture hall. Blushing, Akko switched her screen off, ignoring the new message on her phone, and instead turned her attention back to the teacher with a quick apology.

Once she was sure the teacher wasn't paying attention to her any longer, she let out a small sigh of relief and let her focus stray once more. Diana didn't seem to be angry or upset, but Akko still felt bad for having to cancel. Though, as she stared blankly at the PowerPoint that held the tiny text of a clinical study of teenagers with bipolar disorder, a sudden idea came to her.

She didn't  _have_  to cancel. She just had to improvise. And improvising was something that Akko did very well.

* * *

 

> _Akko 5:05_
> 
> _whatcha doing tonight?_
> 
> _Diana 5:06_
> 
> _Nothing now._
> 
> _Akko 5:07_
> 
> _meet me at chariots stall at 830?_
> 
> _:3_
> 
> _pls_
> 
> _Diana 5:10_
> 
> _If you insist._

Akko was nervous as she paced in front of Chariot's stall, thumb running over the cold metal of the object in the pocket of her rain jacket. The mare was staring at her incredulously through the bars, chestnut ears flicking back and forth as she watched her anxious owner.

It was almost half eight and Diana would be there any minute. She had seen the girl riding earlier in the afternoon when she had arrived to get the barn conference room ready for the Games meeting, but she had barely managed to get out a wave before rushing off. She didn't know if Diana had stayed or gone back to her house or-

"Hello, Akko."

Akko froze and blinked up, crimson eyes meeting the bright blues that were staring back at her curiously. She hadn't left. She was still dressed in her breeches and the heavy navy blue coat that she had been wearing earlier during her ride, flecked with Beatrix's dark hairs and cedar bedding. Thick, wavy blonde hair fell over her shoulder, barely contained in a messy French braid. Her hands were tucked into her pockets as she regarded Akko coolly, glancing between the nervous looking girl and the numerous saddle pads that the other girl had draped over her tack trunk.

"Is there a... reason you wanted me to meet you here?" the girl asked at last, one white-blonde eyebrow quirking with her question.

"Yeah." Akko stared back, reaching up to scratch at her neck and feeling a blush warming her cheeks and neck. It had seemed like a good idea earlier in the day, but now she worried it was kind of stupid. "I just... felt bad that I had to cancel and I didn't want you to think I didn't still want to be friends, so I figured if we can't go to the drinks... the drinks can come to us?" She pulled the flask, one she'd borrowed from Jasminka, out of her pocket and raised it with a nervous smile.

Diana chuckled. "I didn't think you didn't want to be friends," she said. She stepped over to Chariot's stall and slid a hand through the bars, letting the pony lip at her fingers. "So this is very unnecessary. But... cute. I must admit."

That was the second time that day that Diana had used the word cute in regards to something she had did. Akko blushed harder, looking down at her paddock boots and kicking at a chunk of dirt in the aisle. When she looked back up, Diana's hand was stretched out to her and Akko blinked between the offered appendage and the smile that Diana was wearing.

"Well?" Diana asked, taking a step forward. "Do you intend for us to drink that, or is it merely a prop?"

"Oh. Right." Akko pressed the flask into the other girl's hand, feeling cold fingers brush against her palm before Diana pulled back, uncapped the flask, and raised it to her lips. When she dropped her arm, she was sputtering and coughing and had to bring the sleeve of her jacket—which read Leed's Hunter/Jumper Team, Akko could now see—against her mouth.

"What did you put in that?" she asked between coughs, handing the flask back and moving to the tack trunk to plop down on the clean saddle pads that Akko had laid out.

Akko sat down next to her, cautiously putting enough space between them so that their thighs weren't touching, and took a swig of whatever was in the flask in solidarity.

_It was so bad._

Akko choked on the fire that burned down her throat and lowered the flask, feeling tears stinging the inside corners of her eyes as she hacked. "Dont... know..." she wheezed out, lifting one hand to shake in front of her face in what she hoped looked like an apology. "Jasminka," she added.

"That explains it." Diana laughed, taking the flask back from Akko and raising it again to end up in another series of coughs. "Though," she coughed into a closed fist once more, lips curling back in distaste, "I suppose it would be rude to dismiss another's generosity."

Akko grinned and took another sip. It seared her mouth again and her shoulders rocked forward in the effort of choking down whatever kind of vodka Jasminka had filled the thing with. In hindsight, maybe she should have specified a specific type of liquor or at least that it not be pure fire.

"You just want a flask of alcohol?" Jasminka had asked, raising an eyebrow at Akko, who was standing at the threshold of their flat and probably looking super sketchy. "What do you need that for?"

"It's a surprise for someone!" Akko had squeaked out, shifting uncomfortably. "I'll pay you back. I just don't have anything except Lotte's Strongbows and those things are really gross," she had said.

And so Jasminka had given her a flask filled with whatever disgusting Russian vodka she kept in her bar and Akko hadn't bothered to say anything about it. After all, the girl was being nice enough just to supply Akko with her questionable request without asking any further inquisition.

"Are you alright?" Diana asked, and for the first time Akko realized that the other girl's hand was resting on the small of her back and sparkling blue eyes were leveling her with a look of amusement.

"Oi, yeah," Akko said, blushing under the touch. "That stuff is just terrible."

Diana laughed, peering down the aisle at a rider from another team as they left their horses stall and stepped out of the barn. She seemed to consider something for a long moment before saying, "You know we could have just rescheduled, right?"

The strong alcohol was already making Akko a little fuzzy. She grinned, leaning back against the wall of Chariot's stall and feeling the mare fuss with the bit of hair that stuck through the bars. "Yeah, but then I wouldn't have gotten to spend any time with you this week," she said. "And I kind of like the time I've spent with you so far."

"I... would not disagree with those sentiments," Diana said, clearing her throat into a closed fist and reaching for the flask once more. She took another swig, nose curling as she choked the vodka down. "Though I must say your idea of a substitute for what we had planned is a bit of a surprise."

"What can I say." Akko kicked her legs out and grinned, reaching one hand over her head to poke through the bars at Chariot's nostrils, making a face when it resulted in runny snot and pulling her arm back out to swipe her fingers on her breeches. "I'm full of surprises!"

"And what other surprises can I expect?" Diana asked. She raised one eyebrow as she ran her eyes over Akko's face.

Akko suddenly felt nervous beneath the scrutiny, but the alcohol burning through her blood made her say, "Wouldn't you like to know?" and she hadn't meant it to sound flirty but it  _did_ , and so she squeezed her eyes shut and pursed her lips and mentally scolded herself for saying something so stupid.

But Diana just hummed at her side and rose, stepping to Chariot's stall door with her hands in her pockets before turning back to Akko after a long silence. "You know that thing that you do where you jump on her?"

"Vaulting?"

"Yes, that. Teach me."

Akko blinked between Diana's resolute stare and her pony, who was extremely curious about the two girls outside her stall and poking her nose anywhere she could. "Right... now?"

"Yes. Right now."

It was late, past nine, and they'd both drank some of Jasminka's putrid vodka and alcohol never mixed well with horses, but Akko found that she couldn't back down beneath the determined pair of eyes that were gazing back at her and so instead she rose and plucked Chariot's bridle off her holder with a shrug that said, Why the hell not?

She slid Chariot's bridle on and led her willing pony from her stall, walking at Diana's side to the indoor arena. She hit the lights, listening to the gentle hum that buzzed over the arena as the massive industrial lights lit the enclosure in a warm orange glow. She could hear the rain still pounding down on the roof in a soothing rhythm.

"So... you're sure?" Akko asked, glancing at Diana one final time, but if she expected the other girl to change her mind at the last minute she was very wrong, because Diana just nodded and grinned back.

So Akko shrugged and led Chariot forward.

"It's best to learn from the trot first," she explained, nearly tripping over herself as she walked next to the mare—damn that vodka—and lined herself up parallel to the shoulder. She kicked her left leg up, curving it at the mare's hindquarters, and clucked. Chariot broke into a trot. "You're going to want to plant your feet and jump when the leg closest to you hits the ground," Akko yelled in explanation before doing exactly that. She leapt into the air, digging her toes into the sand and swinging expertly onto Chariot's back. The mare burst into a canter with the expectation of racing but found herself quickly reeled back in with the snatch of the reins. Akko stretched her legs out, feeling the warmth of her mare's bare back against her as they jigged over to Diana. "Got it?"

"I suppose we'll find out," Diana said as Akko slid from the pony's back. She tentatively took the reins as they were being offered and led Chariot away.

Diana looked awkward, tall and lean and far too perfect next to the small pony. Akko was grinning as she watched Diana trying to figure out where to put her hands. Finally, the girl settled with one hand gripping the mane while the other led Chariot forward. Diana clucked and Chariot jumped into a quick trot.

Diana ran next to the mare for a couple of strides before jumping—at the entirely wrong time, she clearly hadn't been paying a bit of attention—before smacking into Chariot's side. She bounced back and landed on her feet before trying again with the same result.

"Stop laughing!" she scolded, pulling the small chestnut mare up and shooting a pointed glare at Akko. "This looks way easier than it is!"

Determined, the blonde girl halted Chariot and backed off a few steps before lunging forward. She threw her leg over the mare's hindquarters, landing gracefully on her back and straightening up. She looked tall and awkward on the short pony, her toes dangling below Chariot's knees. "Bloody hell this thing is small," she muttered, shifting her weight awkwardly and glancing back at Akko.

"Yeah, it's easy from a halt and you're so tall it's not a big deal, so don't pat yourself on the back," Akko said, lips spread in a wide grin. She could feel the daggers being shot back at her and raised her palms out in front of her as she stepped back in defense. "Okay, nevermind! Very hard! Very difficult! Good job! I'm impressed!"

"You know, your sarcasm is  _not_  welcome," Diana hissed. She kicked Chariot into a trot and sat deep on the mare's back, looking a lot more like a saltwater cowboy than the poised equestrian she was. She lifted the reins in one hand and Chariot arched her neck up, lifting her front end and bouncing a little as she bolted into a smooth canter. Akko rarely got to see her mare from the ground and was pleased—she looked like a dancer, graceful and pretty. The girl on her back certainly did not take anything away from that aesthetic.

Akko was still laughing when she realized that Diana had turned Chariot towards her and was charging forward-

"Hey!"

Akko dodged out of the way just as the other girl turned at the last moment and bolted past, laughing as she pressed her hand forward and let Chariot out a little bit. The little mare took the freedom and surged forward, legs flying with the excitement of being let out.

"Give me my horse back!" Akko called from the middle of the arena, folding her arms over her chest and watching the other girl as she zipped back and forth, occasionally feinting in.

She did it one more time, but this time Akko was ready. She snaked her arm out, grabbing onto Diana's jacket and leaping forward as she deftly swung onto the mare's back behind the other girl. Chariot bolted a little bit to the side in surprise, but Akko tightened her legs around Chariot's barrel and wrapped her arms tight around Diana's waist.

"What are you doing?" Diana shrieked, hands snapping back as she reined the shocked mare back. Chariot's nostrils blew loudly with irritation and she jerked forward once more.

"I'm showing you how to vault!" Akko shouted, clucking and giving Chariot a small kick with her heel, though she seriously underestimated the response from her pony-

Chariot bolted again. Her hindquarters flew underneath her as she launched into the air, body swaying hard to the side beneath the weight of the two riders. Akko immediately lost her balance from the odd position she was sitting in and gripped Diana's jacket hard in her fingers, yelping as she dragged the other girl down. Chariot went one way, they went the other, and in a flash the two riders were in a heap of groans and tangled limbs on the ground while the pony was galloping across the arena, riderless and confused.

"Akko!" Diana hissed.

Akko couldn't stop the laughter that rolled from the back of her throat as she slowly extracted herself from Diana, spitting out the little bit of dirt that she had eaten in the process of falling off. She sat up and shrugged off the swat that came from the other girl's hand. But Diana couldn't hold it in much longer, either, and soon the both of them were laughing in the cloud of dust that they'd made in the middle of the arena and Chariot was trotting over with her head down and her nostrils flaring with curiosity at what was going on.

"Excuse me, but what is going on here?"

Miss Meridies voice rang, sharp and clear, through the indoor arena and Akko looked up to see the lilac-haired woman slipping through the arena gate and stomping over. Her teal eyes were leveled on Diana as she scrambled away from Akko and climbed to her feet, wiping dirt from her breeches and jacket as she stared back at her trainer, immediately stifling her giggles.

"I'd expect this type of behavior from someone as reckless as her," Miss Meridies stated, waving a hand at Akko, "but not from someone such as yourself. Fetch that pony and get out of here. The last thing this university needs is a lawsuit because the two of you decided to goof off after hours."

"Yes, Miss Meridies," Diana said quickly, her face flushed as she brought a hand up and passed it over her braid to shake the dirt off. "I apologize."

"And come see me before our lesson tomorrow," Miss Meridies growled before turning to stalk off to where Miss Callistis was standing, leaning over the arena gate and watching curiously. Akko hadn't even realized she had been standing there. How long  _had_  they been there, anyway? Akko lifted her hand in a small wave at the jump coach, who returned it with a friendly smile, before snaking a hand out and gathering the reins of her pony. She watched as the two instructors strode off, Miss Meridies muttering her frustration to the quiet woman at her side.

Akko glanced back at Diana, expecting for her to be upset, but instead the other girl was letting the grin slide back across her face as she looked back over.

"Welp," Akko said, shrugging. "Guess that's our cue." She clucked to Chariot and tugged on the reins.

"Wait, Akko."

Akko turned, only to step back in surprise as Diana raised a hand and passed a cold palm over the side of her face, fingers lingering at her temple in a gentle caress before dropping to her lips and swiping at the corner with a soft thumb.

The heat flared into her face immediately, burning cherry red in her cheeks and ears. "Uh, Diana?"

"Sorry," Diana murmured, though the smirk on her face said that she wasn't all that sorry at all. She dropped her hand back to her side. "Dirt." Blue eyes ran over her face for a moment before the other girl turned on a heel and started walking.

Akko stared after her, letting crimson eyes fall on her pony's inquisitive gaze and trying to calm the implosion that had just happened inside of her at the brief touch. She let one hand come to rest on the pony's neck and took a shaky breath before following after the other girl, thoroughly confused but not at all upset.

* * *

By the time she climbed into bed after a long, hot shower, it was nearly 11 and she was exhausted. Sucy and Lotte had questioned her extensively on her whereabouts, to which Akko had only replied that she'd spent extra time at the barn to fix the line-ups for the upcoming competition. The answer seemed to appease them and they offered no further inquiry, and Akko had slipped away beneath the shadow of her own fib.

The vodka was wearing off and instead she was just thirsty so she chugged a bottle of water before climbing into bed and curling up under her covers, snagging her new phone off her night stand. The blue light on the top was blinking with a message and she swiped across her screen with her thumb.

 

> _Diana 10:45_
> 
> _Thank you for teaching me how to vault._

Akko smirked, pressing the side of her face into her pillow as she hammered out her response.

> _Akko 10:58_
> 
> _you never learned_
> 
> _Diana 10:59_
> 
> _Then I suppose we'll just have to do it again._

She couldn't stop the broad grin that spread across her face. She would be lying if she said she wasn't confused by Diana's actions, but she would also be lying if she said she didn't like it. And, so, resigning herself to another straight crush that would never come to fruition, Akko shut her phone off and tucked it under her pillow, drifting off to the image of her very attractive friend riding her pony—and liking it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was literally the hardest chapter i have ever had to write and i re-wrote it 5 times and am still upset by it
> 
> i am at a stalemate with this fic rn so i apologize


	12. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CHOOSE YOU, DIANA'S DOUBT!
> 
> a new update might take a while after this i dont know what i'm doing here

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

Though she tried not to, she often fell into thoughts of Chloe.

As she lay in her bed she squeezed her eyes shut, fingers wrapping around the edge of her pillow case as she struggled to force the memories out of her mind. But, try as she might, they were still there, plaguing her in moments of loneliness, stabbing at the backs of her eyes and flooding her vision with agonizing fragments of the past.

Chloe hadn't been her first kiss, but it had been the first that  _meant_ something. It had been the pinnacle of her coming out, the solidifying factor that the emotions that had dwelled within her for so long hadn't been wrong at all. Love had come in the form of a tall, French native brunette that had swept her off her feet and made her never even think to look back. Chloe was intelligent and beautiful, kind and sincere, and had the unbalanced temper of a wild alpha mare that drew Diana to her like a moth to a flame. They were inseparable and desperately in love and Diana found solace in her arms and home in her kiss.

Until Chloe left for Oxford, and Diana for Luna Nova, and three long hours separated them.

There were still the weekends. Weekends where Diana drove to Oxford, and occasionally Chloe to Luna Nova, though the other girl often complained about the loss of study time. And at first it was fine. Their time apart made the reunions happier, made the kisses sweeter and inevitable end of the weekend ever more painful. Every time Diana was forced to drive back to Luna Nova, it was like she was leaving part of her heart behind and she would let herself cry for the first hour of her drive.

But, then, slowly, it seemed as though Chloe wasn't as excited about counting down the days until they'd see each other again. It was as though her life at Oxford had become more important and Diana a backseat to the new life the other girl had settled into, as though Diana was more of a burden or an interference than anything else. First there were the excuses for calling—"I have a lot of studying to do," or, "I'm going out with friends tonight"—and then there was the significant drop in texts, the nights where Chloe never even replied or the day after when Diana wouldn't hear from her until mid-afternoon.

"You suck at texting," Chloe would say, though Diana never understood because she was always prompt with her responses and nothing had changed from the first year of their relationship, where Chloe had never once complained. "And there's never anything to talk about when we talk all day."

The other girl stopped offering to drive down, cancelled weekends last minute even though Diana had already foregone her responsibilities in favor of her girlfriend, suddenly had plans that conflicted with ones they'd made months ago.

Then there was that day in mid-March. It was a Saturday and the early spring sun was bright in the sky and Luna Nova was unseasonably warm for the time of year. A perfect day for riding, though Diana hadn't made it to the barn yet. She'd fallen asleep late after waiting up for hours for Chloe to call—the other girl had cancelled the weekend visit again and had said she'd call after visiting the library—but it never came.

Until that afternoon.

Diana had answered and Chloe was already crying, already spewing apologies without any kind of context whatsoever. At first Diana had worried that she had been hurt because Chloe had said, "I'm so sorry, babe, but something happened," and she had been ready to jump into her car and speed halfway across England to take her girlfriend into her arms and tell her everything was going to be okay, that she was there and always would be—

But then Chloe said, "I cheated on you."

And it was like her world came to a crashing halt.

She had hung up and dropped her phone, had barely made it to her bed in the stunned fog of confusion and pain and didn't even remember laying down and screaming into her pillow for what seemed like the entire day. Chloe had tried to call her, again and again, but Diana didn't answer. She couldn't. She had been feeling the constant ache of something being not quite right for weeks but she had  _trusted_  Chloe, had believed that the other girl loved her just as much—

She had loved Chloe.

She had  _loved_ Chloe.

And Chloe had sank her fingers deep into her flesh and ripped her throbbing heart from her chest to throw it on the floor and step on it with the carelessness of a stranger, had planted a seed of torment that would plague her for months afterwards. What had she done wrong? Was she not good enough? Was she not there enough? Diana had been accepted to Oxford. She could have gone, she could have followed her girlfriend, she could have and would have done everything she could to make things work. But at the end of the day she had chosen Luna Nova, she had chosen a Veterinary sciences program that her parents were alumni of, she had chosen the riding program that she had dreamed about being part of since she was a little girl.

She didn't choose Chloe.

So Chloe didn't choose her.

And so some nights, long after the pain of betrayal had faded to a distant simmer and the love she once felt was all but a distant memory, she thought of Chloe. She thought of the firsts she had shared with somebody who eventually threw them back in her face, she thought bitterly of the comfort that she felt during those good times together when Diana thought the world was just the two of them and she had stupidly neglected the rest of her life, she thought of everything she did wrong to make things turn out the way they did.

But most of all, she thought about the heartache and the pain, the agony that followed her like the darkest shadow of night, and she knew that she never wanted to feel that way again.

* * *

"If you want company this weekend, I'll go with you," Barbara was saying from where she sat at the kitchen table drinking a freshly brewed cup of chamomile tea. Hannah had gone to the library to pick up some books for an upcoming research paper, and so the house was relatively quiet with just the two of them.

Diana shook her head, pouring her own cup of tea and sitting down across from her roommate. Her papers were spread across the table: bloodlines and lineage of the top European stallions, the pedigrees of the many colts and fillies that the Cavendish family was to offer at the upcoming auction, and the merits and earnings of former homebred Thoroughbreds. She wished that Barbara had been offering to go to Scotland with her, but that spontaneous trip had gone through the window when her bloodstock agent called and told her that she would be responsible for attending the upcoming Tipperary yearling auctions in her aunt's stead. The consignment was something that Aunt Daryl would have normally attended herself, but a meeting with a stakeholder in eastern London had prohibited her from following through.

"That's perfectly alright. Thank you, though, Barbara," Diana replied, looking over the Hip numbers that were assigned to the few colts and fillies that she would be responsible for. The herd was much smaller than previous years, what with Diana in school and Aunt Daryl the sole point of contact for the Cavendish Estate to include the Veterinary business, but Diana was hopeful that they would still pull good numbers. They had two fillies sired by Galileo and out of stakes winning mares, and so those two alone would likely attract a fair number of high-end clients.

"Got anything that would be good for hunters?" Barbara asked. She was leaning forward over the table, peering at all the paperwork that Diana was perusing. "My little sister is looking for something that could take her through the long stirrup division."

Diana shook her head, bringing her tea to her lips and taking a sip. "Sorry, but no. These are all bred for racing. Maybe as a future career, but they'll likely sell for a few hundred thousand Euros this weekend." She ran her finger down the statistics for a colt by Caravaggio, who had breezed a furlong in a little over 9 seconds in his previous outing in preparation for the auction. He would get a good draw for a trainer looking for a nice turf sprinter.

"Well, nevermind," Barbara said quickly, pushing the chair out and rising. "That's a bit out of our price range, to say the least. Good luck with all that."

Diana offered her roommate a dismissive wave before continuing her studies. The mobile buzzed across one of the sire books she had been looking at earlier and she glanced over.

 

> _Akko 19:56_
> 
> _aw, thats ok. Have fun!_

She had told Akko that she wouldn't be able to make it to the Games competition as planned as soon as her agent had given her the call. Though she was sure the other girl really didn't mind all that much, since what would Diana be but another bystander? She sighed and set the phone back down, resigned to her duties as a Cavendish.

The front door of their flat opened and slammed shut as Hannah stormed in, red in the face and lugging a massive bag of books. She threw everything down in the entrance hall and rounded into the kitchen, fists clenching at her sides.

Diana glanced up, plucking her glasses off her face and lowering them down onto her papers as her eyes ran over the angry girl that had suddenly appeared. "What's wrong?" she asked, watching as Hannah dove into the fridge and pulled out a Heineken, angrily popping the top off and taking a long swig.

"Amanda," Hannah grumbled, slouching down against the counter and leveling her blonde roommate with fiery brown eyes. "Imagine seeing her at the library, right? I didn't think someone like her even knew that place existed." She smacked the green bottle down on the marble counter top—an action that made Diana cringe—and continued on. "Shouldn't she be in another country right now, anyway? I swear that chav just does things to irritate me."

"I highly doubt she even knew you were going to be there," Diana said slowly, wrapping one hand around her warm mug of tea as she regarded the girl with concern. "And the girls don't leave until tomorrow and won't return until late Monday evening. I'm sure she was just getting some necessary study material for the days she'll miss." She hesitated before asking, "Did she... say something to you?"

"No," Hannah hissed, grabbing her beer and moving over to the kitchen table to flop down in the chair that Barbara had previously occupied. "She ignored me. As usual."

Diana raised an eyebrow. Whatever had happened between Amanda and Hannah, it seemed completely childish. It had been obvious the previous semester that the two had feelings for each other and their sudden falling out had come as a shock for both her and Barbara. Barbara may have known more about the situation that had taken place, but Diana had never asked nor been informed. It wasn't any of her business. Hannah would tell her if she found it appropriate.

"I doubt she meant you any discomfort," Diana replied. She brought her tea back to her lips, cooling it with a breath.

"Yeah, right. That's all she means," Hannah grumbled. She swallowed more of her beer and looked down at the papers stretched before her roommate. "What's this for?"

"Tipperary auction." Diana sighed, glancing down at the conformational pictures of her yearlings and the bloodlines of each. "I've been informed that I have to attend the auction in Ireland this weekend to liaison with prospective buyers. The burden of being a Cavendish," she mumbled.

"That should be fun, though," Hannah said. "It's beautiful there. Do you want me to come along with you?"

Diana shook her head. She appreciated that both of her roommates were offering to accompany her across the channel, but it was highly unnecessary for them to miss schooling sessions with Meridies as well. They had a show the following weekend and it was crucial to get as much instruction as possible prior to. "No. But thank you, the offer is very kind."

Her mobile buzzed again. She flipped it over and swiped across the screen. Akko had sent her a .gif of a cat sticking its tongue out. Diana chuckled.

"Akko?" Hannah asked, glancing over from across the table.

Diana nodded, turning her screen back off without replying and bringing her attention back to her auburn-haired roommate. She and Akko had been texting back and forth all day, the least she could do was give her sole focus to the girl in front of her at the moment. "Yes," she replied, before asking, "Do you want to... talk about Amanda? Or anything, for that matter?"

Hannah rolled her shoulders in a shrug, slouching a little bit in her chair as she wrapped her lips around her beer and nursed it in thought. "No," she said at last, pushing the chair out and rising. "Maybe another time. But... just don't mess that up," she gestured to the phone, frowning, "like I messed things up with Amanda."

Diana wanted to tell her that there was nothing to mess up, but she shrugged it off and instead watched her go, curious as to what she meant but not inquiring further. Hannah would likely tell her, in time, but Diana was also well aware that she was the last person that should be giving relationship advice. The only one she'd ever been in had fallen apart before her eyes.

* * *

"The colt looks very nice," her bloodstock agent was saying as they watched the Caravaggio yearling trotting the wrong way around the outside of the small six furlong track. His stride was short and squirmy, but at the same time his hindquarters and shoulders rippled with the muscle of a groomed athlete. He was dark grey like his sire, covered in dark dapples, with black stockings stretching up the majority of his legs.

Diana had to admit he was a very good looking colt. Hopefully he would fetch a fair price later in the day when the auction was held. As it stood, she could see a few admirers watching him from the rail. Cameras littered the hands of the observers, both reporters from the Horse & Hound and trainers scouting for their owners alike.

"And the fillies?" Diana asked, glancing over at her agent. While she was passionate about the racing industry and the young Thoroughbreds they bred, she admittedly knew very little about the economic side. That was usually Aunt Daryl's forte, since she had once been married and, recently, divorced to a trainer out of Newmarket.

"They look nice on the track and have behaved themselves marvelously, but their pedigree is what will carry them far today," her agent commented. "The other yearlings should catch a fair price, but these three will bring in quite a fair sum. Especially with their sires being right up the road."

"Enough to pay off debtors, I wonder?" Diana had murmured the question to herself, though her agent answered anyway.

"I know nothing of that, Miss Cavendish."

Diana nodded and stepped back from the gap as her dappled grey yearling walked off, prancing with agitation beneath his young rider. He was pretty, but fairly small, and his brown eyes lingered on his onlookers with discomfort as his nostrils flared in a rolling snort. "Thank you, Allen," Diana said before turning and walking back to the shedrow, her hands stuffed deep into the pockets of her Leed's jacket. Trainers, riders, and horses bustled around her, all eager to get to the track to show off in front of prospective buyers or move around the backside for conformational analysis. As she walked, she raised her eyes to glance around her beautiful surroundings.

For once, it wasn't raining in Ireland. The sky was bright blue, dotted with a few thick white clouds that drifted slowly by. The trees and grass were as green and lush as ever even in the cold, rolling in massive hills into distant mountains littered with limestone and the abandoned ruins of long since forgotten castles that remained untouched by the locals. The land was beautiful and one-of-a-kind, though Diana had seen it before and had only momentary appreciation. That moment was brought even shorter when a familiar voice grated into her ears like nails on a chalkboard.

"Ah, Diana. Good to see you," Andrew Hanbridge greeted.

Diana lifted her eyes to find the black-haired Appleton student intercepting her at a quick walk, inviting himself to link to her side as though he was welcome. She shot him a sideways glare. "Shouldn't you be in Glasgow?" she asked, frowning.

Andrew shook his head, looking straight ahead as he walked. "The Scottish competition is merely a qualifier for the upcoming international competition," he murmured. "And I hardly feel as though the Appleton team needs to subject itself to traveling to such a venue, especially when winning would be guaranteed and we have already qualified."

The words out of his mouth made Diana cringe and she looked away, watching as a few grooms walked the young horses around the shedrows to cool them out or give them a little bit of time outside of their stalls. The last thing she wanted to be doing was talking to Andrew Hanbridge, and yet for some reason he insisted on sticking by her side.

"And what are you doing here, if I may ask?"

"The same thing I assume you are doing," Diana grumbled, fingers fidgeting in her pockets. "Attending the consignment of Cavendish bred yearlings."

"I see you have HIP 262," Andrew commented, flipping open the book of sale horses and turning to her Caravaggio colt. "Do you honestly think you're going to get a fair price for such an ill bred yearling?"

"If you think he's ill bred, you clearly know nothing of European Thoroughbreds," Diana snapped, having to mentally chastise herself to keep her temper in check. "He is from one of our finest stakes winning mares by Candy Ride. He is bred for turf sprinting and nothing else. I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself, seeing as the two horses under your  _father's_ campaign have yet to break their maiden in their second year."

Andrew grew quiet with the retort. He buried his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "There's no need to be so hostile, Diana," he said. He cleared his throat before asking, "How is Chloe?"

Diana clenched her teeth, rolling her jaw as she lowered her head. Her stride hesitated and she deviated from her intended path and instead brought herself to a stop next to a line of tall hedges that rustled gently in the cool breeze. "I believe you have known the answer to that for some time, Andrew."

The taller male glared down at her, green eyes widening with the raise of his eyebrows as he studied her face. "Did I not warn you?"

She sighed and looked down at her feet, at the dirt that sifted around her paddock boots and stained the sides of the freshly conditioned leather. At one point in time, Andrew had been her friend. They'd both grown up only miles apart in Leeds, raised into the world of horses and bonding through the experience. He had been one of her favorite people and they would often tack one of their parents' horses and meet in the middle of their estates to ride through either town or the rolling fields that stretched the expanse of the rural areas of the province. They told each other everything—Andrew of his first love in sixth form, Diana of the inner turmoil of her own sexuality—and felt nothing but comfort in each other's presence. He filled the void of loneliness that was her life without parents.

But Andrew's first love had been Chloe.

Yet Chloe had only eyes for Diana.

And Diana didn't have the self-control to stop herself from the fairy tale that was youthful romance in the face of her best friend's feelings. The fantasy that became kissing in secret behind the oak trees lining the back of her stable, that was sneaking off in public places to steal back the time that had drifted by with the act of pretending. It wasn't long until Andrew had found them together in the hayloft of the Cavendish barn and everything had fallen apart with the bat of an eye. The girl that he had been pining for, the girl that he had  _told_  Diana that he was in love with, and as his best friend she had snuck around behind his back and, in his mind, stolen that girl out from under him.

She chose Chloe over Andrew.

And now Chloe had chosen somebody else over both of them, and the two former friends were left with nothing more with the ruins of what was once something akin to family. Andrew had warned her—he had friends at Oxford, friends who had seen how Chloe was changing—and yet she had ignored him and misplaced her trust anyway.

"You did," Diana sighed. She really didn't want to be having this conversation. She knew the fault that she had made well over two years ago. She was aware of the weakness that she had let take hold, the act of betrayal that she had allowed to take place. Diana never claimed to be a perfect person, but even the reflection of her own actions made her sick to her stomach. She clenched her fists and forced her eyes up to Andrew's. "We're even."

Andrew shook his head, chuckling to himself as he kicked at a rock on the ground. "I was never looking to even the score," he said, rolling his shoulders back and leveling green eyes with her own. "Though I would be amiss to say that it didn't bring me pleasure to learn the outcome of your... relationship."

"As much as I am enjoying our conversation, I think it's time for me to be off," Diana grumbled, spinning on her heel. Talking about Chloe was one of the last things that she wanted to do. Talking about Chloe with Andrew was  _the_  last thing she wanted to do. "Good luck with the auction, Andrew."

"I think luck will be on my side," Andrew called after her. She could hear the grin in his voice. "There's a very nice Caravaggio colt that I have on my agenda."

* * *

 

 

> _Akko 06:47_
> 
> _www.imga.eu/2018/gs101318_
> 
> _if u want to watch_
> 
> _we ride at 2_

Back in her lodging Diana flipped open the MacBook she'd brought with her and put in the address that Akko had provided. It was after 15:00, but she hoped they were still riding—after all, the competitions seemed to take quite some time. She had a couple hours before the auction took place and she was determined to catch some of it.

She wasn't disappointed.

The video player buffered into the middle of a game. There were six teams, all at varying parts of the same race, and she recognized Lotte racing through the center of a lane with something clutched in her hand. The Luna Nova team was wearing matching jerseys, long sleeved navy blue athletic shirts with rings of gold around the sleeves and their names in bold lettering on the backs. Diana didn't even know they wore uniforms.

" _St. Andrews is in the lead here for the bottle exchange but Luna Nova is close behind. Lotte Yansson with the hand-off to Atsuko Kagari,_ " the announcer droned.

And Akko was off like a rocket, the white band around her helmet a flash of light, the gold KAGARI bright on her back. The chestnut mare was hurtling towards a blue barrel close to the start line and her rider was leaning far to the side, the bottle clutched in her right hand raised high-

She slammed it down on the barrel with the wide arc of an arm, losing no speed. Her legs were wailing against the pony's side, one arm pumping furiously through a whipping chestnut mane, head low and focused.

" _St. Andrews has missed the barrel and Luna Nova has taken over, Grenoble not far behind-_ "

Chariot swung by the second barrel, closest to the far end of the arena, and Akko snatched the final bottle from the top. Her limbs were flailing wildly as she pushed her mare forward, asking for as much speed as the pony had to offer. As soon as they flew across the white line that designated the finish, she could see the girl rising in the stirrups and grinning with excitement before the camera panned away.

" _One more race here before the end of the first day but Luna Nova is commanding a dominating lead here with 41 points._ "

Diana sat back in her desk chair, folding her arms over her chest as she watched the remainder of the competition. Akko didn't ride in the last race. It was jousting, which Diana vaguely remembered Akko saying was something that she wasn't that great at, but the team won nonetheless with Amanda crashing home and slamming the final target down at full speed ahead of the other teams by a large margin, throwing the massive stick onto the ground without a second thought and rising in the stirrups to try to calm Star. She could see Akko, half hanging off her pony as she cheered and high-fived her teammates.

She sighed and stared at the screen of her MacBook, fingers drumming a rhythm against the wooden desk as she watched some of the highlights and glanced over the program for the sale. All of her horses were scheduled to enter the ring that night. Which, wait—

If her horses were going to be sold that evening, that left the entire next day. She might have missed the first full day of competition, but that didn't necessarily mean she had to miss the second…

It wouldn't be hard to rearrange flight times. All she had to do was reroute to Glasgow, which would likely get her there around noon and then all she had to do was call for a driver to get her to the equestrian center by the time the games competition started. All that was required was a little bit of finagling time on her part and she'd be able to actually go—

But she decided she wouldn't do that, because as she stared through the window of her small room for the weekend, at the towering hedges that lined the narrow, unpaved road that led to the bustling stable full of yearlings, she thought of Chloe. She thought of heartbreak, she thought of pain, and she thought about which choice was more likely to lead her there.

And so she closed the page of prospective flights, shut her MacBook, and chose to stay.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of went ham on the horse racing knowledge here a little bit so I am very sorry. Kind of.
> 
> Galileo & Caravaggio are real sires that are located at Coolmore Ireland.
> 
> colt: a male horse under the age of 4
> 
> filly: a female horse under the age of 4
> 
> furlong: the measurement of horse races. one furlong is 1/8 mile. an average time for a furlong is around 12 seconds when working at further distances.
> 
> HIP number: yearlings at these sales don't have names, so they're given numbers as identifiers that are attached to their hindquarters throughout the duration of the auction.
> 
> conformation: the build of the horse
> 
> there was a lot more im very sorry m b


	13. Pony Jumpers?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am back in and feeling good, just had to force out that previous chapter i think. thanks for all the kind comments, everybody.
> 
> also i might have forgotten to take my anxiety meds oops mb.

 

* * *

AKKO

* * *

The second day of competition had gone just as smoothly as the first and they had won by a landslide, the closest team near them being St. Andrews by over twenty points. The whole team had done so well that Miss Nelson had even granted them Tuesday and Wednesday off practice for a little bit of much needed rest and relaxation. Even Amanda had given Akko a pat on the back and a job well done for how well the line-up worked out over the weekend, but Akko couldn't take all the credit. Amanda had helped with that one, too.

Akko was still reeling from the excitement as she slumped in the tiny space she'd been allotted in the van, letting the droning monotony of the drive tug at her weary eyes. Her earbuds blared SPECTRUM as she stared through the window at the rolling green hills that spanned along the motorway, unchanging for miles. Beside her, she could barely hear Sucy and Amanda having some kind of heated debate that was including wild gesticulations and a whole lot of sarcasm. Constanze, next to them, quietly played a game on her Switch.

Lotte and Jasminka had long since fallen asleep next to her, with Lotte's hands limp in her lap and her head resting comfortably on the Russian girl's broad shoulder. Akko had tried to sleep, but every time she was close to slipping off, some bump in the road jostled her awake. Plus, her legs were already cramping, both from the exhaustion of the weekend and the narrow portion of the seat she was crammed into.

Akko brought her eyes to the stuffed pony that she held in her lap. She'd seen it at one of the vendor stands. It was cute and bay, with a stripe and a forelock, mane, and tail of black yarn made from hand-spun Scottish wool. It had immediately made her think of Beatrix, obviously, and so she'd bought it for Diana. The other girl had gotten stuck in Ireland and wasn't able to make the competition and visit Glasgow like she wanted, so the least Akko could do was bring her a memento. If Diana couldn't go to Scotland, Akko would bring a piece of Scotland to her.

She flipped on the screen of her phone and stared down at the messages. She and Diana had hardly talked all weekend because they had both been so busy. Not that she  _expected_ it, of course, but every time she got a text from the other girl she felt a rush of excitement.

_Sunday, October 14, 2018_

> _Diana 7:59_
> 
> _I saw you won. Congratulations!_
> 
> _Akko 8:07_
> 
> _thanks ^_^ hows the sale?_
> 
> _Diana 8:37_
> 
> _Colt sold for €550,000. Fillies for €605,000_
> 
> _and €450,000._

Akko hadn't responded because she'd passed where she'd been laying on her stomach on her way-too-hard bed in her hotel room. She had sent Diana a text that morning when she woke up early as all get out to load the ponies on the van and begin the long journey back to Luna Nova:

_Monday, October 15, 2018_

> _Akko 5:15_
> 
> _good morning! hope u got back ok_

But the entire day had yielded no response. Though, she had messaged the other girl super early—hindsight was 20/20—and Diana was  _probably_ busy with classes and all, so she shouldn't have really been looking forward to a conversation…

The stuffed horse in her hands suddenly seemed like a really stupid idea. With a heavy sigh, she planted it between herself and the cold van window and leaned her head against it, squeezing her tired eyes shut.

She hadn't even realized that she'd drifted off until her phone vibrated in her hand.

> _Diana 1:56_
> 
> _When do you get back?_

Akko blinked the sleep out of her eyes and stared at the message for a moment before replying.

> _Akko 1:57_
> 
> _a lil over an hour_
> 
> _Diana 1:59_
> 
> _Okay. See you at the barn?_

She felt herself grinning. Okay, so maybe the pony hadn't been the worst idea ever. Akko sat up and caught it before it dropped between the seat and the door, gently swiping the little bit of drool off its back and settling it into her lap. She smiled down at her small rendition of Beatrix.

She couldn't wait to see her friend and tell her all about the competition, to hear about the yearling sale in Ireland, even though Diana had said it would be boring and there wouldn't be much to hear about.

With a deep breath, she glanced at the front of the van, where Miss Nelson looked zonked out of her mind driving, and stared at the expanse of road ahead. They'd been on the road for seven hours already.

What was one more?

* * *

Akko wanted to fall asleep.

And she could have. Right there. On Chariot. Her pony wouldn't care—it wasn't like Akko hadn't done it before. Many times, in fact.

She had finally finished unpacking and putting her gear back in place and was ready to pass out. After getting her mare settled back into her stall, she had climbed onto the mare's back and wrapped her arms around her neck, fluffy with the incoming winter coat, and buried her face in the stiff hair of her mane. Chariot stood quietly, occasionally stretching her neck to grab a mouthful of hay from her feeder before munching contentedly, ignoring the antics of her owner.

Akko breathed deep the scent of her horse. Hay and cedar, some leftover Cowboy Magic from the competition to make her coat sleek and shiny. It was nice. She smelled like coming home after a long day away.

"That looks safe," came a familiar voice from outside the stall.

Akko pressed her hands against Chariot's shoulders and pushed up, swinging her legs down to sit bareback on the quiet mare. She sighed with the effort. Her whole body felt stiff and sore and she really just didn't want to move.

Diana was leaning over the stall door, arms folded against the polished wood. Her wavy blonde hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, a little damp around the temples from the effort of riding. Her blue eyes were bright with the smile that her lips failed to show.

"What would you know about safety?" Akko asked, squinting her eyes at the other girl. "I seem to remember you stealing someone's horse and then trying to run them over with it."

Diana smirked and unlatched the door, slipping into the stall and stepping over to the pair. She reached out to Chariot, who regarded her with a glance and a small snort before returning her focus to the hay. "You look positively knackered," she said, running her hands down the mare's soft neck and giving her a gentle pat beneath the mane. "You. Not Chariot. She looks like she could run in the Mongol Derby."

"Well, that's rude," Akko pouted. She felt Diana's fingers graze against her own as the girl brought her hands down to Chariot's shoulders and pulled back quickly, a hot blush searing her cheeks. She swung a leg over her pony's back and slid back down to her feet, dusting the hair and dirt off the insides of her thighs.

"I managed to catch some of it on the live feed," Diana murmured. She stepped back from Chariot and shoved her hands into the pockets of her jacket. "You looked good." Her tongue darted out and wet her lips before she added, "The team looked good. I apologize for not being able to attend in person."

There was a piece of hay in her ponytail and Akko resisted the urge to reach out and pluck it away, instead busying her hands in Chariot's mane, her fingers tangling with the hair as she affectionately flopped the muscle back and forth. Chariot ignored her. "That's okay," she replied. "I brought you something."

Akko stepped outside the stall into the aisle, waiting for Diana to follow before shutting the door and latching it. She threw on a clip—Chariot was smart enough to open her own door and would do so occasionally—before reaching for the pony that was sitting on her wooden tack trunk. She shoved it unceremoniously into Diana's arms and stepped back, clearing her throat behind a closed fist.

"It looks like Beatrix," Diana said, regarding the little stuffed pony in her hands. "I—thank you, Akko. I… didn't bring you anything, though." She looked up and frowned.

"Sure you did." Akko flashed a grin. "You came—"

"Ah, Miss Kagari. Just who I was looking for."

Akko blinked away from Diana to find Miss Callistis striding quickly toward her. The woman was wearing a pair of navy blue breeches—though Akko had never seen her ride—and a thick gray coat that engulfed her thin body. Her straight blue hair was tied into a low ponytail that swayed at her back.

"Oh, I'm sorry, girls." She offered a small smile as she came to a stop, glancing between Diana, who was hugging the stuffed pony tight to her chest, and Akko, who looked like she had been caught doing something she shouldn't have been. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"No, Miss Callistis," Diana said quickly, stepping back. "I'll take my leave. Akko… thank you. Again."

Akko frowned. She had hardly gotten to spend any time with Diana at all. She dipped her head to Diana, briefly meeting blue eyes before the other girl turned and strode off.

Once the blonde was out of earshot, Miss Callistis leveled her bright red eyes on Akko. "I meant to speak with you last week, but I didn't realize you left for the competition on Friday. I wanted to speak to you about a position on the Jump team. Mary recently accepted a transfer to a school in the United States in the coming semester and will be taking Sebastian with her. Luna Nova will no longer have a rider or horse in the Pony Jumper division."

The Pony Jumper division? Akko narrowed her eyes and shot a glance at Chariot, who had wandered over to the stall door and was draping her neck over it—as much as she could, being so short, anyway—and huffing at the instructor. Miss Callistis reached an arm out and gently stroked the mare's face.

"You want to use Chariot for jumpers?" Akko asked. It wasn't the first time somebody had approached her about leasing the mare to jump. After all, that's what she had done before Akko had acquired her. It was her job until the girl who owned her grew to be even taller than Diana and couldn't ride her anymore, which was the only reason she'd come under Akko's ownership in the first place.

Miss Callistis shook her head, lowering her hand and turning back to Akko. "Not… just Chariot. I was actually interested in the both of you."

"Me?" Akko's eyebrows stitched together in surprise and she couldn't help but let her mouth drop open a little bit. "I'm not a jumper. I mean, I've done it before, but it's been a long time and…"

"Your position could use some work, yes," Miss Callistis countered before Akko could finish. "But your ability to effectively ride is not even a question. Pony Jumpers is a competitive division and takes somebody with a lot of grit and tenacity. Not to mention a mount with the speed and agility to challenge the others. I see a lot of potential in the two of you."

Akko felt like she had just been smacked in the head by a wooden plank. She reached up and rubbed at her temple, shoving greasy bangs out of her eyes and taking a deep breath. Miss Callistis wanted her… for jumping? The very idea was still something she wasn't sure she believed. If it wasn't coming from someone that was her elder, she would have thought it was a prank.

"I've already spoken with Miss Nelson," Miss Callistis added. She shuffled her feet, moving a few pieces of hay into a pile on the stone floor. "I understand that you are here on a scholarship for the Games team and of course that would be a primary commitment. We would only incorporate you in one practice a week and only expect you to make the shows that didn't interfere with your Games competitions."

Akko stayed silent, so the jump instructor continued.

"There's a show this weekend, if you'd like to just try it and see if you like it. Of course I don't expect an answer straight away. I know this is quite a bit to ask, but I truly think you could go far. I would love to have you on the team. So… just think about it, okay? You can get back to me with your decision."

Akko nodded, linking her fingers together and tugging at her knuckles. It wasn't as though she hadn't thought about jumping before. When she was a kid, she used to set up her own jump courses in their family's apartment out of couch cushions and pillows. She'd race around on her hands and knees, pretending she was an Olympic show jumper, ripping holes in the knees of her pants along the way and constantly getting scolded by Okaasan.

Not to mention, Chariot du Nord had been a jumper. She knew that she never wanted to do it professionally—she had other plans—but she'd never even had a horse to really try outside from goofing off and it had looked like a lot of fun…

Miss Callistis had turned on her heel and started to walk off.

"Wait," Akko said, stepping forward. Her teeth nibbled at her very chapped bottom lip as she brought her red eyes to meet the instructor's. She was letting her impulse take over, but she could consider those consequences later. "I can give you my decision now."

* * *

"You joined the  _jump team_?" Lotte asked, staring at Akko—who was stretched out on the floor of their common area still in the dirty jeans and jumper she'd traveled in—with a look of pure confusion. She'd lifted her glasses off her face and was staring at the other girl with wide blue eyes. "What about Games?"

"Oh, she's abandoned us," Sucy deadpanned from where she sat next to Lotte on their very hard plaid couch that had likely been made by people who had never felt comfort in their lives. "What will we ever do without her?"

"I didn't  _join_ ," Akko said, sitting up and stretching her arms above her head with a wide yawn. "I just said I'd go to the show this weekend and try it out. I'd still be focused a hundred percent on the Games team!"

"Well." Lotte shrugged, flopping back against the couch's equally hard pillows and glancing between the puzzle that she and Sucy were midway through (a stock image of wild horses galloping across a field) and Akko. "If you think you can balance both of those and Miss Nelson and Miss Callistis are willing to work with you, I think that's great. I used to jump. It's a lot of fun."

Sucy just yawned and folded her legs underneath her. "If that's what you want to do, you know I don't care." She reached into her bag of dried seaweed and plucked one out, shaking her head at Akko's outstretched hand and burying the bag in her lap. "No."

"I made you ramen last week," Akko grumbled. "Come on."

She stood and made a lunge for the snack but Sucy jerked it away with another resounding, "No!"

And Akko fell right on top of the coffee table, sending puzzle pieces flying across the floor, under the couch, under the television stand, and into the mini-kitchen that their living area opened into. Probably the hallway, too, but Akko didn't check.

"Akko!" Lotte shrieked. She threw herself to the floor and immediately began to shovel puzzle pieces into a pile. "We've been working on that for a week!"

"Oops."

"You're so graceful," Sucy said, unable to hide the snicker that worked its way past her lips. "You'll make a very good jumper. Every single pole will be on the ground."

"Aw, come on, I'm sorry," Akko mumbled. She backed away—but not before snatching a stick of seaweed when Sucy let her guard down—and started digging under the couch for puzzle pieces. "Should have just given me one and it wouldn't have happened."

"Well that's a manipulative way of looking at things," Sucy said. "Besides, I can't help you're so food aggressive."

"I am not food agg—"

Lotte shot up onto her knees, her short strawberry blonde hair a mess across her forehead, and huffed. "I am way too tired to listen to you guys bicker!" she moaned. "But, Akko, I think you and Chariot would be good at it. Besides, it's really cool that Miss Callistis even offered you a position on the team. It's very hard to get onto. Diana's been trying to get on it since she came to Luna Nova."

Akko pulled herself out from under the corner, one fist clutching two puzzle pieces and a whole lot of dust bunnies, and leveled narrowed eyes on Lotte. "Diana wants to be on the Jump team?"

"Yeah," Lotte said. "Well, she did anyway. Last year. Her mom won top honors for the team when she went to school here." She shrugged. "I don't know anything else about it."

"Don't look at me," Sucy murmured, raising a palm in defeat. "I don't know and don't care."

Akko blinked, dropping the handful of dust and cardboard on the table before rising. "I didn't know that," she muttered, reaching up to pass a hand through her dirty hair. Diana had wanted to be on the Jump team. She'd never mentioned that. She always seemed so focused and dedicated to Hunters that Akko couldn't imagine her wanting to do something else.

"Hey, space cadet, are you gonna help us clean the mess you made or what?" Sucy snapped.

File that away for later under Things To Ask Diana About. But that was for the future. With a sigh, she shoved those thoughts away and focused on the present—which was crawling on her hands and knees picking up the puzzle pieces she'd thrown everywhere.

* * *

Akko was struggling to keep her eyes open as she stared at the bright screen of her phone. It felt good to be back in her own bed, which was significantly softer and more comfortable than the one in Scotland, and she burrowed under her heavy blankets, kicking her bare feet against the cold sheets. They hadn't turned on the heat for the dormitory just yet and the bitter air outside meant that she had to sleep in sweatpants and a long sleeve instead of her usual t-shirt and shorts. She pulled her favorite fleece blanket (the one with the horse who looked just like Chariot) up to her chin and took in the text message that flashed on her screen.

> _Diana 8:47_
> 
> _Callistis asked you to ride in Pony Jumpers? That's great, Akko._

She had texted Diana to tell her about her conversation with Miss Callistis when the other girl messaged her to ask about it. After thanking her—again—for Mini Beatrix.

> _Akko 8:48_
> 
> _but I'm not a jumper_
> 
> _and I didn't say yes yet_
> 
> _i'm going to try it in the show this weekend_
> 
> _Diana 8:50_
> 
> _The show in Bedford?_

She was pretty sure that's what Miss Callistis had said. In all fairness, her mind had been blown just by the proposal of joining the jump team, so the words that left the woman's mouth after that had sounded like a voice calling to her while she was drowning.

> _Akko 8:50_
> 
> _yes_
> 
> _I think?_
> 
> _Diana 8:51_

_I'm going to that show._

Well, that would make sense. Hunters and Jumpers often rode at the same events, they were just critiqued differently. Akko stifled a yawn and nuzzled the side of her face into her pillow.

> _Akko 8:51_
> 
> _^_^_

Her phone vibrated in her hand and she felt it, but her eyes had drifted shut and she didn't have the energy to turn her screen back on and respond. The weekend and the thoughts running through her head weighed as heavy as the blankets that she was comfortably buried under, and Akko couldn't stave it off any longer. She fell asleep.

* * *

"Kick, kick, kick. Kick! Outside leg! Eyes up, look at the jump!" Miss Callistis was hollering across the arena. Akko and Chariot had just leapt over a low vertical and were expected to roll back immediately into another that was placed right at its side. She pulled Chariot to the right, arcing out in a small circle, before dipping her torso heavily to the left. Chariot switched trajectory with the skill of a cutting horse, pausing only briefly mid-stride to regain her composure before bounding forward. She left the ground too far away from the jump but still managed to clear it, though Akko popped up in the irons, completely left behind by the movement.

"You have to stay with her," Miss Callistis called. Look for the line—good—now breathe. Count your strides in rhythm. One, two, one, two. One, two—jump!"

Chariot's ears flew forward with her body as she hit the first vertical and charged to the oxer. She let one hoof drop and nicked the wooden pole, which rocked uneasily in its cup, but stayed. Akko stayed with her that time, bending over her neck and shoving her hands forward in the only crest release she knew how to do.

"Bring her back," Miss Callistis called. "Girls," she said to the other four riders, who were waiting in the center of the arena, "Go cool your horses. Great job today."

Akko was breathing heavily as she walked Chariot over to Miss Callistis. It was bitterly cold, close to zero degrees, but she was sweating beneath her heavy red coat nonetheless. Only her hands were numb. She would definitely have to get gloves for this. Chariot's nostrils were rolling in heavy pants from the effort of jumping.

Akko could see the Games team in their own arena. Amanda had stopped to watch and stood in the irons on Star's back, throwing her a thumbs up before turning and walking away. Akko smiled.

She had been surprised that the Games team rallied with support. Especially Amanda. "At least it's not the Hunt team," the American had said, patting Akko on the back. "So you're definitely still cool in my books."

"Not bad," Miss Callistis said, reaching out to pat Chariot's sweaty neck and ruffle her mane. "She is a wonderful little jumper. The two of you shouldn't have a problem this weekend. I want to see a couple things from you. First, heels down."

Akko glanced down at her feet. She wasn't used to having the stirrups jacked up so short and had to admit it wasn't at all comfortable. She was used to letting her legs go wherever they wanted. Now they were expected to be securely locked at the girth and her heels had to be pressed down at all times.

"If she were to quit a fence, you would go flying. If you can't get them down, at least keep them parallel with your toe."

Akko nodded. On instinct, she pressed her weight into her heel and pulled her toes up.

"Next, stay back a little when you get into two-point. You don't need to get so far forward. Just bend at the hips." To demonstrate, Miss Callistis pretended she was in a riding position and moved forward. "You're also releasing too much. Your hands barely have to move. Just let them slide forward with the movement of her neck."

"Okay." Akko shifted in her saddle and scratched at Chariot's withers—at the little white spot she adored—with her cold fingers.

"Finally, I need you to  _always_ be looking at your next jump. Right now you're caught up in exactly what's happening as it's happening. You need to be ahead at all times, always planning your next move. What corners you're going to cut, what angle you might need to take a fence at. It can be easy to fall into the moment, and I understand why you're doing it right now, but keep that in mind." She gave one final pat to Chariot's neck before pressing one hand to Akko's knee with a small squeeze, bringing her eyes up to meet Akko's. "And don't worry about a thing. No one in that division is going to know what hit them this weekend. Good job today."

She turned and walked off. Akko felt herself smiling as she slouched back in the saddle. She wasn't used to keeping her posture so  _rigid_  and it felt weird. She nudged her heavily breathing pony into a walk, letting the reins (stiff leather ones that she'd found in her tack trunk, because apparently cotton wouldn't fly) drop against Chariot's neck.

When she finally looked up from her pony, her eyes fell on Diana. The other girl was perched on Beatrix in the middle of the Hunter arena next to her own, where Hannah was going leisurely around a course on Cello. Long blonde hair fell over the front of her shoulder, face pale, nose cherry red from the cold. Beatrix's neck was arched low, lips brushing against her chest with the tight hold on the reins, mouth rolling over her bit and white slobber dripping everywhere.

At first she thought the girl was mad—her expression was stiffly neutral—but then a wide grin spread across Diana's face. She threw her arm out straight and pressed the heel of her hand down, tilting her fingers to the sky, before pointing at her lower leg and mouthing, "Heels."

In response, Akko kicked her legs free of the stirrup, slumped back low in the saddle, and folded her arms across her chest. She pointed her toes straight at the ground.

Chariot bolted in surprise at the sudden change in position of her rider, flying out to the side with a loud snort, and Akko had to lurch back upright and grab at the reins to keep the mare from leaping forward and herself from falling off. But in the moment before goofing off and looking foolish, she had seen Diana laugh—and that was worth it.


	14. Off Course

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's where we take off at 100mph lol bye have a good time

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

She laid in bed and squeezed the small horse against her chest, staring down at her phone and the few text messages she had shared with Akko the night before they were set to leave for Bedford. The other girl hadn't replied in a while—she said she was going to go make dinner, a few meals to take with her, and a shower—and Diana was using the time to think about herself and what she wanted.

Well, she knew what she wanted. She wanted Akko. Her heart and body were screaming for the other girl, struggling in vain against the brain that said, " _That's stupid, it's just asking for hurt_." It had been a long time since she met anybody that made her feel the way Akko did—since Chloe, really—and just beating down the feelings that the other girl stirred only made them flare up with a vengeance, brighter and stronger than before. And then, just when she thought that maybe she had control of herself, that maybe she could regulate her emotions, Akko went and did something impossibly cute and the cask shattered. Again.

She was starting to think that maybe she didn't  _want_  to hold them back anymore. Maybe the way she felt was a good thing, because when she looked at Akko she didn't think about heartbreak or Chloe or  _anything_ , for that matter, because her brain flat-lined with the rest of her.

Diana ran her fingers through the yarn mane, gnawing her bottom lip and letting her eyes glaze in thought.

She had noticed Akko the very first week she'd come to Luna Nova. It was impossible  _not_ to, really, because the other girl was so upbeat and radiant that she drew people to her like a magnet. She was positive and kind and rode that spunky little mare like a rowdy cowboy from an old American western movie. Not to mention she was  _desperately_ cute.

And so the first time Diana's eyes had fallen on Akko, she knew she was doomed.

It had been easy to not have feelings for anybody for a long time. First there was heartbreak, when she didn't even want to eat or drink, much less go to class or interact socially with other people outside of mandated situations. Then there was the sadness of solitude, the desperate urge for something, anything to ease the loneliness that gnawed at the inside of her mind like an insatiable parasite. She had shut herself off, hiding in her studies and in Beatrix and behind the closed door of her room and let herself drown in it, let herself be pulled under by wave after wave after excruciating wave-

and then there was the recovery. Where she threw herself into her routine: wake up early, take a shower, eat breakfast, go to class, study between class, go to more classes, go to the stable, ride Beatrix, spend time with Beatrix, go home, study, bed, rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat.

Then Akko.

And she was going out with her friends. She was staying at the barn late to break rules and ride a horse after drinking, past hours and without a helmet. She was telling herself that she shouldn't go to Scotland, that she  _couldn't_ go to Scotland just to attend a competition just because it happened to have a girl that she very much wanted to watch ride and spend time with. Because that would be absolutely absurd.

And then that same girl came home with a smile on her face and a gift that Diana clutched tight in her arms and wished that it was her instead, because Akko had this way of making her heart stop and start again with a single smile, made her nerves flare with heat with a single look, made her brain fog in a cloud of desire-

Maybe it was time. Maybe she was ready.

A text message lit up the screen of her phone.

> _Akko 21:33_
> 
> _i'm clean and fed so u can stop worrying! :3_
> 
> _not that you were_
> 
> _maybe you were_
> 
> _anyway_
> 
> _Akko 21:34_
> 
> _hi_

A smile crept across her face. The rest of those feelings smashed through that wall she'd built and she didn't even know if she wanted to put it back up again, because she had the feeling that this was going to get

_so_

_much_

_worse._

And maybe it was worth it.

* * *

Akko was passed out in the passenger seat, her head resting on the pillow she'd smashed against the window and was hugging the life out of. In the backseat, Hannah and Barbara were slumped against each other. Barbara was asleep and had been since about five minutes into the drive, but Hannah had woken up recently and was browsing something on her phone.

"You doing okay, Diana?" the auburn-haired girl asked, lowering her phone for a moment and turning her head to look at their driver. Barbara grunted with the movement and readjusted herself on Hannah's shoulder.

Diana glanced in the rear-view. "I'm fine, thanks."

She had chosen to drive. The van would have been packed to the brim between the Hunter/Jumper teams and Diana decided she would rather be behind the wheel for the four hour trip than piled uncomfortably into a small place with a bunch of other girls. She'd invited Akko to ride with them for company, because the girl knew nobody on the Jump team and she had the extra seat. Plus, they were friends. Right? Friends.

Hannah and Barbara had insisted the other girl take the passenger seat. Diana knew why, but Akko just thought they were being nice. She'd taken it without a fuss. Diana didn't mind.

She could hear the music still blaring from the earbuds that had long since fallen out of Akko's ears. They lay draped across the pillow, tousled into knots with the bumps in the road and the Japanese girl's constant squirming. Her brunette hair was splayed everywhere and there was a wet spot under her mouth where she was drooling, open-mouthed, against the dark fabric. Her hands were buried deep in the sleeves of a baggy hoodie.

Diana rested one hand on her gear shift and readjusted in her seat, rolling her shoulders in a small stretch. There wasn't much longer left in their drive, though it had been dark for quite a while and she couldn't wait to climb into bed. Between classes earlier in the day, packing her own gear, packing Beatrix's gear, plus loading all the horses and getting them settled in the van... she was exhausted. Plus they still had to get the horses unloaded and into their temporary stables for the weekend along with water, hay, and their supper.

Sleep would be a welcome respite, especially with the early morning that awaited them.

Akko took a sharp intake of breath at her side and pushed herself up, lips smacking as she glanced down at the puddle of drool on her pillow before lowering it to her lap. She swiped her mouth with her sleeve and arched her back in a stretch, reaching forward and planting her hands onto the dashboard as she yawned loudly.

She turned to Diana. "Where are we at?" she mumbled.

"Half an hour outside Bedford," Diana replied. She glanced over, watching as the other girl rubbed her temple and smoothed her wild hair. Red eyes blinked sleepily into her own and she smiled in a way that made Diana's stomach turn. She brought her eyes back to the motorway and the dark of night. "So, almost there."

Akko hummed. She swiveled in her seat, her arm brushing against Diana's elbow as she peered back at Hannah and Barbara. Hannah's phone had fallen back down against the seat with her eyes were shut, breath coming slow and peaceful. "Sorry," she chuckled, straightening back up and rubbing the back of her neck. "I guess we're bad company."

"Not at all." Diana slowed with the van of horses in front of them, following the other vehicle off a slip road and into a more rural setting. Green hills and trees loomed on all sides, towering shadows against the dark sky. "I don't mind." She let the corner of her vision travel to Akko's lap, where the tips of her fingers fidgeted in her lap beneath her sleeves. "Are you doing okay?"

"Mhmm." Akko looked over and gave that half-smile again. Diana felt a pang in her gut and took a sharp breath, pulling her hand away from the gearshift and instead placing it on the steering wheel.

"Are you nervous?" Diana asked after a few moments. Akko had turned to look through the window at the passing scenery, none of which was very discernible at night. Her feet were kicked forward far under the dash and she was slumped into the seat, looking almost childish with the seatbelt nearly digging into her neck.

"Nah." Akko straightened back up and started messing with the radio, pressing buttons at random in exploration.

"Knock it off," Diana grumbled, swatting her hand away. Akko brought it back up. A challenge. Diana swatted it down again. "Stop that. You're going to make it 40 degrees in here."

"Like this?"

Akko started pressing the temperature gauge to crank it up.

"Damnit, Akko." She pushed the girl's hand away and turned everything back to the usual setting. "I really don't want to sweat the rest of the way there, stop it."

Akko's hand crept forward once again and Diana grabbed it on impulse. Clutching the soft fingers between her own, she lowered her hand to the gearshift and rested her wrist on top, clasping Akko's hand in her own. She could feel the muscles twitch for a moment before her hand relaxed, though she made no move to pull it away.

So neither did she.

She could sense crimson eyes on the side of her face. Her heart slammed hard against the front of her chest, her foot stuttered on the accelerator, and she felt a hot blush spreading to the tips of her ears. She swallowed. Hard.

Akko's fingertips danced against her palm. The edge of her sleeve brushed against the soft part of Diana's wrist.

Diana set her jaw hard, focused on the back of the van ahead that read  _CAUTION, HORSES_ and below that  _LUNA NOVA EQUESTRIAN TEAM._ Akko's hand closed around her own and squeezed.

"Um, Diana?"

Diana took a deep breath and let her gaze drift momentarily to Akko. The girl was staring back at her, wide eyed, her face a bright cherry red and her teeth clamped down on her bottom lip.

"You can... let go," the other girl squeaked. "I won't mess with it again."

"Oh." Tendons and ligaments tightened in her hand as Akko slowly squirmed free. "Right." She clenched her fist tight with embarrassment and pulled her arm away, gripping the steering wheel with both hands until her knuckles were white against the dark leather. She could feel how clammy her palms were, how her skin itched with the boiling of her blood, how the throbbing muscle in her chest threatened to burst from the confines of her ribcage.

And Diana sweat the rest of the way there.

* * *

Diana realized two problems very quickly.

One, she was going to have to spend the entire weekend with the same girl that she was trying very hard not to crush on.

Two,  _she was_   _going to have to sleep in the same bed as the same girl that she was trying very hard not to crush on._

Diana stared into the lodging that she was sharing with Akko, Hannah, and Barbara. At the two double beds that were feet apart on one side of the room. One of which she was most definitely going to have to share with Akko.

She knew that, because Hannah had turned and given her a wink as soon as they opened the door to the room.

"Alright, we're going to go find the vending machines!" Hannah exclaimed, grabbing Barbara's sleeve and yanking her from the room as soon as they'd dropped their luggage.

"We are?" Barbara squeaked, glancing furiously between Hannah and Diana. She seemed to understand very quickly, because she nodded her head resolutely and said, "Yeah, we are!" and stormed from the room along with the other girl.

"Don't know what they'd want so late," Akko mumbled. She threw her bag on the ground and started rummaging through it before jerking her hoodie off over her head. Diana tried not to stare and swallowed hard as she began searching for her own sleep clothing. "I'm ready for bed, they're out of their mind."

"Same," Diana said quickly. She pulled out a t-shirt and shorts and raised her eyes to Akko, who was already fumbling her way out of her long-sleeve shirt. She could see the abs rippling beneath smooth skin, the muscles shivering along her sides below the black sports bra that hugged her chest, and felt her face grow hot and flush. "Uh—I'm going to change... in the loo," she said quickly and rushed into the small washroom, slamming the door shut with probably way too much force. She let her body collapse against the sink to take a deep breath. She didn't know if she could do this. She already found the other girl insanely attractive and had already accidentally held her hand and had to look at that perfect body  _again_  and now she had to  _sleep in the same bed_ and try to be  _completely normal._

By the time she was sure her face wasn't so red, she slipped cautiously from the washroom. Akko was already laying in bed on the side she deemed would be her own. Hannah and Barbara still weren't back. She pictured the other two girls off in a stairwell somewhere, sitting down while they wasted time and goofed off amongst themselves, probably laughing at how much Diana was panicking.

Akko was sitting up against the pillow, staring down at her phone as though in some deep state of concentration. She looked up and stared at Diana for a moment before saying, "Of course you're the kind of girl who folds your dirty clothes."

Diana looked down at the stack of laundry in her hand and shrugged. "How else would I pack efficiently?"

Akko shrugged. "I always just cram it in there. What's the big deal? Just gonna go in the laundry anyway."

"And of course you're the type of girl that does  _that_ ," Diana shot back, setting her folded clothes down on her closed luggage bag. She hesitated for a moment as her cool blue eyes fell on the other side of the bed, where the blankets were still pulled up beneath the pillow.

How was she supposed to sleep next to an impossibly hot girl and  _not_  have inappropriate thoughts? She let her eyes trail to Akko, at the confused expression that was etched across the other girl's face, at the smooth neck and collarbones peeking out from beneath the neck of her shirt. At the teeth that rolled over her bottom lip as she gazed back at Diana.

She forgot she was staring.

Akko's dark eyebrows scrunched together. "Are you okay?"

"Uh, yes. Yes." She cleared her throat and rolled her shoulders, slowly climbing into the bed next to Akko. It was small—way smaller than her own bed—and she was acutely aware of the proximity of Akko's warm body, of the bare legs that whispered against her own.

Where in the bloody hell were Hannah and Barbara?

"Um, where are Hannah and Barbara?" Akko asked.

As if on cue, they heard the swipe of the keycard on the door and the other two girls stepped into the room, whispering between themselves before striding into view.

Hannah was wearing a devious grin. "Found the vending machines," she said, though she held nothing in her hands.

"Yup," Barbara confirmed. She held nothing in her hands, either.

"I'm surprised you two were able to keep your clothes on," Hannah added.

Akko sat up next to Diana. The covers slid to her waist and Diana let her breath catch in her throat as she stared at the other girl's side and the blatantly obvious fact that she wasn't wearing a bra beneath a white t-shirt.

This was lesbian torture.

Diana shot at glare at Hannah, one that she hoped very clearly said, " _If you say anything more, I will kill you and carve your skin off your body to use as a throw rug at the entrance of the Cavendish Manor so that everybody who enters and leaves will trample on your once very smug remains_ ," though she was fairly certain Hannah didn't get the message because she just smirked and walked into the washroom.

If Diana thought it had been bad then, the lights being off were worse. She could feel the gentle rise and fall of Akko's chest next to her as she settled down on her side, her face buried into the same lumpy pillow that she'd drooled all over in the car. She was facing the middle of the bed, one hand shoved contentedly between the two pillows, and Diana stared at the fingers that were inches from her nose, at the peaceful face with the eyelids pressed delicately closed. At the soft brunette hair splayed over the pillow and the thin white shirt that covered one of the nicest bodies she had ever seen.

All she had to do was sit up, to plant one palm on the other side of Akko's head. To bend down and take those lips in her own. Akko would kiss her back and Diana would grind her body down against the other girl's athletic frame, roll her hips against those impossibly smooth thighs, nip and kiss down the pulse point of her neck until Akko was squirming and begging-

Her heart was slamming against her chest, throbbing into her skull and pounding against her ears. She rolled over onto her back and took a deep breath, squeezed her eyes shut, and tried very hard not to think about it.

But she did make a mental note to add batteries to her shopping list for that week.

* * *

She and Beatrix were in the 120cm Division, which consisted of one under saddle class and three over fence classes—one based purely on equitation. The next two over fences classes would take place on Sunday, so she only had one remaining for the day as she had already completed the under saddle class. She'd taken first, which she had humbly stated was a difficult class and therefore couldn't be sure of the victory, but inside she knew Beatrix was one of the best looking movers around and her equitation was unrivaled on the flat.

Hannah had already finished, taking Reserve Champion in the 100cm Division, and Barbara had taken Champion in her Green Horse Over Fences classes, which Diana was especially proud of as it was the pair's first award of that caliber. She'd been sure to tell her such.

Perched on her tall bay mare, Diana watched one of the riders on the line-up ahead of her cantering quietly around the arena. The horse had hardly enough impulsion to make it over fences of that height and his rider was much too forward. He was straining to get over the jumps, and it finally paid over a three tier oxer. His hoof nicked the top rail and it fell. Diana felt bad—the rider looked absolutely devastated.

Diana was next on deck, right after the rider on the tall flea-bitten gray gelding waiting nearby. She swiveled in her saddle, finding the group of other riders gathered near the other arena.

The Pony Jumper division hadn't started yet. First they needed to finish up the 130cm Jumper classes before the course was rearranged and the the riders had a chance to walk through and discuss strategy with their trainers.

She could see Akko standing with Chariot, looking entirely out of place. The other girl had dug old show clothes out of her closet—a pair of white breeches and a navy hunt coat that was very out of season (though Diana supposed it didn't matter for the Jumpers), a white dress shirt that collared tight around her neck, and a stock tie that Diana had to help her with earlier in the morning. She was wearing the same jockey-style helmet she wore in her Games competitions.

The other girl's hand was running down Chariot's neck in slow movements, the other clutching the hard leather reins that Diana had told her that she absolutely  _needed_  to condition because their current status was  _unacceptable_. She was wearing a pair of Hannah's older gloves—the other girl had hands around the same size and happened to carry an extra pair—because Diana had insisted that she not blister her hands against reins that rough.

Diana had personally taken it upon herself to braid Chariot's mane. Akko had told her that it wasn't necessary, but Diana had very slowly stated:

"I beg to differ, Akko, because you can tell you hacked this pony's mane off with a dull pair of scissors and you will not represent Luna Nova looking like this."

to which Akko had merely grumbled and kicked cedar in the aisle while Diana got to work, twisting her fingers monotonously through the pony's thick mane.

And then she'd braided  _Akko's_ hair, because she wasn't about to let the other girl walk out there in a messy bun and call it show fashion. The girl hadn't protested. In fact, she had sat quite still while Diana ran her fingers through the long, soft brunette hair, feeling it fall through her fingers like liquid, before carefully bringing it back into a french braid and tying it off with Akko's stretched out hair tie ("This one's about to break in half," Diana had said, but Akko had countered with, "It's my favorite," and that was that) before sending her on her way.

Miss Callistis had thanked the Hunt team profusely when she came by and saw the appearance of her newest pupil. Diana humbly accepted the gesture as she watched Akko and Chariot walk off with pride that she figured was akin to a proud parent.

All in all, the pair didn't look to bad. Out of place, yes, but not bad. Chariot desperately needed a clip—she was starting to look like one of those ponies that stood in the mountains of Iceland and stared into photographer's lenses—and a few other aesthetic corrections. If Akko chose to stay on the Jump team, Diana would help. If she didn't, Diana would still help, because the pony looked like it had walked out of someone's backyard and into Akko's rowdy hands and she was  _not_  about to let them go to an International competition looking like that.

"Miss Cavendish," the ringmaster called. "On deck."

Diana squeezed her calves against Beatrix and the large mare perked up and stepped forward. The rider before her was coming over the last line, looking elegant and, all in all, like a challenging competitor, before finishing with the traditional circle closest to the arena gate. As the ringmaster let the other pair out, Diana nodded to a very quiet, "Good luck," from the previous rider and urged Beatrix in at a flowing trot.

" _Now in the arena is number 184, Diana Cavendish riding Beatrix._ "

She could feel eyes on her from the stands, from around the edges of the arena, from the judge's booth. But it didn't bother her. She let herself get lost in her mare, in the bold stride that flowed beneath her, in the swivel of large bay ears as Beatrix responded. She sat deep and Beatrix transitioned easily to a smooth canter.

The fences were large and imposing, but neither Diana or Beatrix were phased. Diana counted in her head, felt the length of the strides beneath her and altered her aids in minor adjustments as needed. Which was hardly an issue, because Beatrix was a learned professional, an athlete at the top of her game, and so each jump came and went with the ease of the last. When she had finished—arcing her body over her mare's rippling back and neck over the final oxer—her onlookers had erupted into applause. She let herself drift back into the saddle and brought the mare back down, offering a small nod to the judges before leaving the arena at a slow trot.

She would have to be present for the results, but there were still a handful of riders left to complete the course and, so, instead, she walked Beatrix directly over to the jumping arena, where Akko was standing in front of the printed jump layout and moving her fingers in the pattern of the course. Her lips mouthed each number.

"Are you nervous?" she asked, not for the first or last time that weekend. Akko turned and looked up, giving Chariot a soft tug on the reins before the mare could bend down and snatch a biteful of grass.

"Oh, hey." A small smile flickered across her lips. "You looked really good!"

She had been watching? "Thank you," Diana said, forcing down the hint of a smile and letting her face fall neutral as she glanced between the printed course and the arena, where the jump crew was setting everything up.

Akko hummed and turned back to the course. She stretched an arm out and ran her fingers between the jumble of lines and numbers. "This is hard," she groaned, frowning. "There's so much to memorize."

"That's why you walk the course," Diana said. Beatrix shifted underneath her and Diana let her take a step forward to get more comfortable. "Miss Callistis will take you around and make sure you've got everything down. It's only twelve fences, Akko."

"Eh, I don't know," Akko mumbled. "I have the memory of a lobotomized goldfish."

Diana chuckled. "I'm sure it's not that bad."

Akko turned her gaze up with a raised eyebrow that said, " _Yes, it is that bad_."

"Miss Kagari, are you ready?" Miss Callistis was walking over when the announcer called out for the course walk. "Wangari can hold Chariot for you."

Akko passed off her pony to her not-yet-teammate and stepped off with a small nod to Diana and a, "Good luck!" just as the announcer called for a final under saddle portion and line-up of Diana's division.

Diana lingered for a moment, watching the short girl stride off with a confident step but a nervous glint in her eyes. Her gloves fingers were rapping against her coat as she walked carefully, awkward in the tall black boots that she clearly hadn't broken in all the way.

Yes, Akko looked very much out of place, but also so gorgeous that Diana had to force the blush out of her cheeks as she turned and walked Beatrix back to her own responsibilities.

* * *

The Pony Jumper Division was massive. Diana had plenty of time to cool Beatrix, untack, and quickly brush her off before putting her back into her temporary box with a flake of hay. She slipped the mare a few pieces of carrot before tossing her helmet onto a hook and rushing across the show grounds to catch Akko's class. Hannah and Barbara, who had been hanging out chatting on a few overturned 20 gallon buckets with what Diana  _kne_ w was a bottle of something that was very against show rules (she chose to ignore it, she was in a hurry) came along with her.

It seemed  _everyone_ was curious to watch the new pony and rider pair, because the whole Jump team—Diana knew they had finished earlier in the day—was there to watch. She slid in with them, nodding to Wangari as she took her place on the fence and raised one boot to rest on the rail.

The ponies were fast and agile, zipping around the arena and flying over fences at a pace that was unfathomable for a larger horse. They cut turns, jumped verticals and oxers at unlikely angles, dashed over long distances in a burst of quick strides. Some of them pulled rails in their rush to beat the best time. A bright red digital clock, counting milliseconds into seconds into minutes, added another four seconds for each.

Akko still didn't look that perturbed. She sat atop Chariot, quietly watching the other riders with an expression mixed with curiosity and admiration. The small chestnut mare seemed calm, but Diana knew that she would fly into action as soon as she was asked.

"Geez, this seems reckless," Barbara murmured at Diana's side. She was watching a small gray pony launching itself over a massive oxer after coming in extremely short to the fence. The poorly timed ride paid its due diligence and a few of the rails came crashing down.

Hannah shot a glance at Barbara. "We're talking about Akko here. Reckless fits. Have you  _seen_  the way she hangs off that pony? I'm surprised she still has all her limbs."

"Girls," Diana scolded. She folded her arms across the top of the fence and watched.

Finally, it was Akko's turn. Diana could see the gears turning in the girl's head. Akko's face was more serious than Diana had ever seen it, lips pursed in thought as her crimson eyes scanned the jumps that spanned the arena. At the gate, Miss Callistis called out, "Good luck, Akko."

 _"Now in the arena is number 208, Atsuko Kagari riding Shiny Chariot._ "

The announcer hacked her name to all hell and Diana rolled her eyes and grumbled under her breath.

Akko trotted Chariot to the middle of the arena where she brought the mare to a skidding halt—Chariot rose up on her two rear legs, reading the anxiety of her rider—and dropped one hand and the bill of her helmet in a quick salute, just as Miss Callistis had taught her. A whistle blew, and the pair were off.

Akko looked so different. She was sitting deep in the saddle, not throwing herself all around like she usually was, with her hands pulled back nearly into her lap as she guided Chariot to the first fence. The mare's front legs danced in front of her as she set back on her hindquarters, teeth flashing around the bit as she raised her head and strained for speed that Akko wasn't letting her have.

The crossed between the cones that started the timer, and Akko gave Chariot a little bit of rein.

The mare flew forward.

They caught the first vertical a bit long but Akko stayed with her pony all the way and her hooves cleared the rails with space in between. Five strides, another jump, this one at a better distance, and the two landed and swung to the left.

Akko's legs were swaying a little underneath her—she hadn't quite gotten accustomed to having to keep her body in the same place—and Diana watched as she thought about it and corrected herself. She pushed her heels down and threw her toes forward, rocking back in the saddle and bringing her mare up under her a little bit more as they took one final stride and flew over a wide wall. A small circle back across the arena, a triple bar. Chariot was confident, excited, and Akko was looking good. She was swiveling her head, looking for her next obstacle, the mare beneath her hopping and ready at her fingertips-

Akko eased her back a little bit, planting her seat deep in the saddle and scanning.

She was still looking, even as Chariot rounded the corner and was guided around an oxer at the end of the arena. One that Diana was  _pretty_  sure was the next jump.

She could see the confusion, the flash of pained desperation as Akko just picked a jump and went for it.

Diana didn't have to hear the whistle to know. She stepped back from the fence, sighing heavily. Beside her, Hannah and Barbara groaned in shared empathy.

Akko had forgotten her course and gone off. She'd been disqualified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw i should have named this chapter diana cavendish is a fucking lesbian


	15. Pretend You're With Me

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

She forgot the course.

Her heart was thrumming against her chest as she stood in the irons and glanced around the arena, feeling her own confusion feeding to Chariot as she desperately searched for the next jump. She had been so focused on the moment, on speed and accuracy and the power of the pony at her fingertips, that the rest of the course had slipped out of her mind and she had no idea where she was going.

She guided Chariot around an oxer at the far end of the arena—kuso, was that the next jump?—but she had no time to dwell on it because if it was, she would be disqualified for passing over her own line, anyway, and so she picked a vertical across the diagonal and just went for it.

As soon as Chariot's feet left the ground, a whistle shrilled from the gazebo that overlooked the arena. Akko and Chariot landed, easily clearing the fence, but it didn't matter. Nothing that she did had mattered, because she had been disqualified for going off course.

Akko clenched her jaw and turned to look at the judges, who weren't even looking at her but down at something they were writing on. She stood, pulling the reins up to her chest and dropping her startled pony to a trot—Chariot wanted to keep going—before heading to the gate that was already open for her. She could see Miss Callistis standing near the rest of the Jump team, watching. She didn't look upset or mad, but she definitely didn't look happy either. If Akko had to guess, her expression was… disappointment.

And Diana was there. She hadn't even noticed that Diana had come back to watch. She was standing with Hannah and Barbara and was wearing a rather sad smile, hands shoved into the navy blue Luna Nova Equestrian Team jacket she'd thrown on over her stark white show blouse.

She could feel the color flooding her face as she sat down on the saddle and brought Chariot to a walk, kicking her feet out of the stirrups and wishing that she could disappear, or, better yet, just take off galloping with her little chestnut mare and not look back.

"It's okay, Akko," Miss Callistis said carefully as she strode forward and closed a hand around Chariot's nose. She reached out with her other hand and placed it on Akko's lower leg and the stiff leather boots. "It was your first time and these courses can be confusing. You have another two courses tomorrow, we'll make sure it doesn't happen again."

Akko frowned and looked down, idly scratching at Chariot's neck for a moment before sliding down off the mare. She could feel the blisters hot on the back of her heels from the boots and was suddenly hyperaware of exactly how uncomfortable she felt. She missed her team, her coach, the freedom of charging across the arena and not worrying about a thing except a single task at hand. Games was one at a time, step-by-step, and she could always count on her teammates to have her back if she made a mistake. This was all her. And she had failed.

"Go take care of her and try not to worry about it," Miss Callistis added. She gave Chariot one last stroke on the face. "It's not a big deal. I promise."

"Alright," she choked out, nodding sadly and sliding the reins over Chariot's head. She took the stirrups and tossed them across the saddle, not even bothering to run them up, before slackening the girth. The mare was still blowing a little bit and turned to press her flaring nostrils against Akko's leg, her breath warm and wet in the brisk air.

Akko could see Diana turn and say something to Hannah and Barbara just as she was turning to lead Chariot back to the temporary stables across the show grounds. She didn't know if she wanted to face the other girl just yet—she was humiliated and so angry with herself—but she said nothing when the blonde caught up and matched stride on the other side of Chariot's shoulder. It wasn't Diana's fault that she was an idiot.

"You looked great," Diana said. Her braid was still perfect—how was it perfect after wearing a helmet all day?—and her show attire looked like it had been freshly laundered. The white collar that wrapped around her neck gave her usually pale skin a little bit of color. Her nose and cheeks were red from the cold.

Akko glanced up momentarily before bringing her gaze back down. The other girl was looking at her in a way that made her feel vulnerable. "Thanks, I guess," she mumbled.

Diana reached a hand out and set it on Chariot's withers as she walked, fingers threading around the last braid and squeezing. "I mean it," she said. "You don't have to worry about forgetting your course. It happens to everybody. I've forgotten plenty of courses in my time."

"Really?"

Diana shrugged and pulled her hand away, shoving it back into her pocket. "Of course."

Akko sighed and reached up to unbuckle her helmet as she brought Chariot up in front of the stall. Beatrix poked her head over the adjacent stall door, contentedly munching on some hay as she looked at the three new additions. Diana stepped over and took the mare's head between her hands, gently stroking the soft muzzle.

Akko watched the blonde as she picked up Chariot's halter and replaced it with the bridle, affectionately scratching the mare's forehead before tying her off to a piece of twine she'd hooked around one of the wooden posts. Diana had tried to make her feel better and she  _knew_  that, but it didn't stop her from feeling stupid. Her pony had tried so hard and was doing so perfectly and all she did was let her down. She unbuckled the girth and dragged the saddle off, tossing her helmet to the ground with her other hand, and stared at Chariot's sweaty back with frustration.

All that for nothing.

"Are you alright, Akko?"

Akko focused on the mare in front of her and swiped the palm of her gloves against her eyes. She ducked down and started pulling off Chariot's splint and bell boots, throwing them to the side with the rest of the gear she'd unceremoniously dropped to the ground. Brown sweat had trickled down into Chariot's white stockings and she ran a thumb thoughtfully against the damp hair. She was well aware of Diana dropping Beatrix's head and rounding her pony, of the tall boots that had stopped next to her.

"Akko."

"I'm fine," she grumbled, rising and planting her palms against Chariot's back. Her mare let out a rumbling snort and stomped a hoof.

Akko felt warm arms closing around her and pulling her in tight. Her breath hitched in her throat, her muscles stiffening on impulse against the sudden contact. She let her arms hang uselessly at her sides, one hand still clutching one of Chariot's small rubber bell boots, and slowly let herself relax into the strong arms that enclosed her. Her head fell against Diana's shoulder and she breathed deep the scent of helmet sweat and horse that was clinging to the other girl. She squeezed her eyes shut and crinkled her nose in rigid determination not to cry. It wasn't as though she was sad. She was just so  _frustrated._

"Don't be so hard on yourself," she felt Diana say into her hair. "You looked lovely out there. There's no reason you don't belong. Your riding made that very clear today. It was impressive. And, don't forget, there's always tomorrow. If not tomorrow, the next day."

Akko's heart was echoing a desperate rhythm in her chest and she hoped that Diana couldn't feel it. She let the boot slip from her limp fingers and hit the ground as she wrapped her arms around the other girl's waist, pressing into the warmth and the comfort that enveloped her, and let out a long sigh.

"Thank you," she murmured, and let herself enjoy the contact while it lasted.

After a few moments, Diana let her arms drop and stepped backwards, clearing her throat into a closed fist. Her face was a little more flushed than before as she met Akko's eyes before turning back to her own horse. "Don't forget to put her neck nylon on to protect those braids," she said. "I'd prefer not to have to do them again tomorrow."

Akko nodded, even though the other girl wasn't even looking at her and probably didn't see, before bringing her attention back to Chariot. But her movements were interrupted and she didn't really know what to do next. Sweaty pony. Right. Brush. She reached into her grooming kit and pulled out a stiff brush and slowly began to drag it over Chariot's damp hair, putting her focus completely into the monotonous action instead of the tall, gorgeous girl that was standing only feet away. The tall, gorgeous girl who had just hugged her, whose warm breath had ghosted over her ear, whose fingers were just gripped into her shoulder blades.

The tall, gorgeous girl that was going to put her into cardiac arrest before the weekend was over.

* * *

Akko had let herself get dragged out.

Not that it had been  _hard_  for Hannah and Barbara to convince her. She really felt like she deserved a beer after the events of the day, and so she'd agreed after initial hesitation. Diana had at first joined her in a refusal, but she relented once Akko said that she would go.

And so, freshly showered but lazy in jeans and her Mounted Games jacket, Akko found herself in a pub in downtown Bedford at the bar with Diana and the two other Hunt team girls at her side. She sighed with relief as her lager was placed in front of her and brought it to her lips with a long, slow sip. Diana pulled over her own gin and tonic, fingers running around the edge of the glass.

Akko was starting to realize that all English pubs kind of looked the same. Small, dark, and filled with the resounding call of football games and chatter of groups of friends. This particular bar—which Hannah and Barbara explained they went to every time they were at the Bedford show—was decorated with stuffed, fluffy white mountain goats and colorful ducks that were mounted between electric torches on wooden walls. Akko eyed the goat closest to her, who was staring back with black glass eyes. It had three horns, one of which was clearly a later addition to the top of its head.

She figured that was the reason the pub was called  _The_   _Three Horned Goat_. She grunted and turned her attention back to her beer and the tired girl at her side.

"Can I ask you a question?" she asked after a moment. She ran a hand through her clean and still somewhat damp brown hair and tousled it over her shoulder, leveling crimson eyes on the side of Diana's face.

"Depends," Diana responded. She lifted her drink to her lips and took a sip, carefully holding the small straw out of the way. "Question for a question?"

Akko watched as she lowered the glass back to the wooden bar before ripping the straw out completely and tossing it onto the side of the napkin with a huff. "Okay. Deal," she agreed.

"Go ahead, then."

Diana was peering at her with bright blue eyes, shimmering against the pale light above the bar, and she had to take in a sharp breath before remembering her initial question. She could hear Hannah and Barbara chatting animatedly on the other side of the blonde, both looking at something on Hannah's phone. "Is it true that you were trying to get on the Jump team?" she finally asked.

Diana brought her drink back to her mouth and hesitated before sipping. "I—yes, I was trying to get a spot on the team. Last year," she replied. She looked down at the bar, wavy blonde hair framing her face in gold.

"What happened?" Akko sipped her beer, sliding her fingers down the cold and sweating glass, as she took in the change in attitude. She turned in her barstool, feeling her knee brush up against the other girl's thigh, and awkwardly adjusted her leg.

"Nope." Diana shook her head, momentary look of sadness quickly switching to a playful smirk. "My turn. Why Luna Nova?"

Akko chuckled and brought her hand to the back of her head, gently scratching at her scalp. "Uh, it's going to sound really stupid, but it's always been my dream to go to Luna Nova. It's where Chariot du Nord went to school."

Diana hummed, a wistful smile coasting across her lips. "So you chose a university based on where your childhood idol went?" She chuckled and drank her gin and tonic, the ice clattering against the sides of the glass. "What a marvelous reason to choose a place of schooling."

"Hey, it's as good a reason as any!" Akko said defensively, swallowing some beer and lowering the pint onto the bar with a much louder than intended bang. The bartender shot her a look and she glanced away sheepishly. "I don't see an issue with it. Besides, I kind of figured this would be a judgment free zone," she grumbled.

"I never said that," Diana replied. She looked amused at Akko's reaction. "I'll judge you all I want. Who says I haven't already?" She smirked. "And as for what happened, yes, I was actively competing for a spot on the Jump team. My mother rode in Jumpers when she went to Luna Nova, and so it was  _my_  dream," she placed heavy emphasis on the statement, "to follow in her footsteps. Unfortunately, Beatrix was injured late last spring. She tore a suspensory. Jumpers would have been too demanding and placed too much stress on her, so I chose to stay on the Hunt team." She looked down into her drink, turning the glass in her hand. "Bea was the last horse my mother bred. I would have had to get another horse."

"Oh." Akko looked down at her own half-finished lager. She kind of already knew the answer to her next question, but she asked it anyway. "Is your mom—"

"Yes," Diana interrupted, shifting her seat on the barstool—her thigh pressed up against Akko's knee again, but Diana didn't move and so Akko didn't, either—and swallowing the last of her drink in one quick gulp. "She passed away when I was young. My father, too. I was raised by my Aunt." Glistening blue eyes turned to meet crimson and she offered a reassuring smile that said,  _Don't worry, I'm perfectly okay_ , but Akko still felt remorse tugging at her heart. "And you're terrible at this game. I get two questions." She waved the bartender for another drink and settled back.

Akko pouted and rolled her eyes.

Diana waited for her new drink before asking, "Why Mounted Games?"

Akko's eyebrows scrunched together. "I don't know." She shrugged. "It's fun. Do I need any more of a reason than that?"

The other girl's eyes scanned her face for a moment. "I suppose not."

"Alright, you've got one more. Then it's my turn."

"Right."

Diana looked away quickly, wrapping both hands around her new drink. She tossed the straw out again before holding it to her mouth and taking a  _very_  large gulp. Akko took the opportunity to drink some of her own beer while she waited and—hold on, was Diana  _blushing_?

"I—I was wondering," she started when she lowered the glass, her hands fidgeting around the edge, "If you maybe wanted to—"

Diana froze. Her eyes locked on something across the bar and a shadow passed over her face. Her nervous smile faltered. "I… um. I actually…," she stuttered, then finished with very enunciated, " _Fuck_." Akko swiveled in her stool, following the other girl's eyes but seeing nothing but a bunch of other people gathered around a table.

"What's wrong?" she asked, returning her attention to Diana.

"My ex," Diana hissed. She shrank down into her jacket and looked away, face shielded beneath a wall of blonde, and stared pointedly at her drink.

"Your… what?" Akko turned to look over her shoulder again.

" _My ex-girlfriend,_ " Diana growled, snagging the sleeve of Akko's jacket and tugging. "Stop staring, would you?"

Flames burst into Akko's cheeks. She brought wide eyes to Diana's face, which was drained of all color as she locked her eyes straight ahead. She could feel her ears burning and she opened her mouth to speak, but all that came out was a very squeaky, "Huh?" A moment passed, in which Diana's thumbs were pressing into her temples, before Akko managed to say, "Ex… girlfriend?"

Bright blue eyes peeked from around a palm as Diana leveled a very neutral stare at Akko. "Seriously? You didn't know and you choose  _now_  to have a revelation about my sexuality? I figured Amanda would've told you. How much more obvious can I be without being that chav, anyway? What did you think I was—you know what, nevermind, Akko, can we just get out of here?"

"Why? Is she mean?"

Diana squeezed her eyes shut. "How would you feel if your ex-girlfriend showed up in a completely unexpected place?"

"Wow," Akko mumbled, grabbing her beer for something to hold on to because she had to do  _something_ with her hands. "You think I'm—wow—bold assumption—way to…" she trailed off, blushing furiously. Her hand was sweating more than her pint class. "I've never had a girlfriend." She clenched her jaw before throwing a brief glance over her shoulder at the group. There was one girl looking over at them, tall with long, wavy brunette hair, and Akko assumed that was who Diana was referring to. She turned back to the blonde and said, "Why should we have to leave? Besides, Hannah and Barbara—" she pointed to the two girls who had gotten up a while before and were mingling with a few members of the Jump team, "—rode with us." She sat up straight and puffed out her chest, leveling Diana with what she hoped was a resolute grin. "Besides, I'll make sure she doesn't mess with you!"

"Will you?" Diana hissed. "Because she's looking over here."

Akko grabbed her pint and threw it back to polish it off, dribbling a little down her chin and swiping it away with her sleeve, before tugging her barstool closer to Diana. She slid an arm around the other girl's waist with practiced ease—no, really, she had practiced being smooth with her stuffed animals—and leaned in.

"Akko—what are you—"

"Just follow my lead." The bartender placed another full beer in front of her and she looked over and nodded a thanks, even though she hadn't asked.

She reached up, trying to keep her hand from shaking, and traced her fingers over the other girl's jaw, her neck, threading into thick blonde hair. She pushed it back. Diana shuddered underneath her as she brought her face next to her ear and whispered, "Pretend you're with me," before dropping back a little.

Akko heard Diana suck in a sharp breath of air. She brought her eyes up to meet Akko's and whispered a very weak, "Okay."

She felt Diana's warm hand—tentative and slow—coming to rest on her thigh and tried to force down the sudden explosion in her gut as the other girl's thumb rolled in slow circles against her jeans. Akko moved in closer, her arm pressing against Diana's, and snagged her beer with her other hand to bring it to her lips and take a sip. As she did so, she glanced behind her. The girl she figured was Diana's ex-girlfriend was watching them. She turned back to Diana and asked, her voice low, "Does she ride or something? What's she doing here?"

"Her best friend rides for Oxford," Diana mumbled. Her warm breath ghosted against the side of Akko's face. "She probably came to watch."

"Watch her friend, or you?" Akko grumbled. She lowered her beer back to the bar, her other hand still combing through Diana's hair. It was soft and tickled the skin of her palms. Akko slid her fingers against the back of Diana's neck, her breath shuddering under the look the other girl was giving her. She could feel the grip on her thigh tightening.

"I—I don't know," Diana choked out. Her cheeks were bright pink, topaz eyes flickering between Akko and the group behind them. "I blocked her number last month."

Akko hummed. She let her other hand drop to Diana's and squeezed. Was this act for Diana, or for her? She wasn't sure. Her lower abdomen was lurching in a way that made her wish that this was real, that this wasn't a show for whoever this other girl was, that Diana was touching her because she wanted to—

A long, heavy sigh slipped through Diana's partially open lips. She brought her eyes to meet Akko's, her gaze drifting from crimson to settle on chapped pink lips, and Akko felt the heavy drone of desire pounding in her skull as her own trailed down, found Diana's. They looked so soft and for a long moment she wondered what they would taste like before Diana whispered, "It worked. She left."

But her hand didn't move. It lingered, warm and complacent, on Akko's thigh. Her thumb was still tracing slow patterns on the inside and Akko felt like her blood was boiling. Her heart was thrumming hard in her chest as she let the hand on Diana's neck slowly trail down her arm before dropping entirely.

"I… um…" Akko started.

Suddenly Diana stood, her hand falling away from where it rested on Akko's leg, and she cleared her throat. Her face was a bright, burning red as she grabbed her drink, tossed back the rest, and quickly said, "I have to use the washroom," before bolting off.

Akko stared after her, her breath still shuddering and rasping in her throat, the place where Diana's hand had been on her thigh now cold and empty where the warm touch once was. With a heavy, shaking sigh, she turned back to the bar, lifted her beer, and chugged.

* * *

Akko was glad it was their last night in Bedford, because if the first had been hard, this one was downright painful. She was grateful for Hannah and Barbara sharing their room, because if they hadn't… well, her insides would have likely painted the walls and housekeeping would have been  _very_  upset over the mess.

"Was it my imagination, or did I see Chloe?" Hannah had asked when they got back to their lodging. "Tell me she came with Hayley just to see you. That right cunt, I swear—"

"She didn't bother you, did she?" If Hannah had held the anger, Barbara held the remorse. She had placed her hand on Diana's shoulder and looked at her with eyebrows knit in concern. "And are you okay?"

"No, and… yes," Diana had said. For a brief moment, her blue eyes had flickered over to Akko, who was freshly changed into a pair of baggy sweatpants and a t-shirt and was trying to mind her own business as she texted Lotte about the day. It was late and she really wanted to go to bed, but the other three insisted on talking, so instead she had curled up cross-legged against her pillow and placated herself. Really, she was trying to calm her own body down. She was still burning from earlier and the skin on her thigh twitched with the phantom reminder of Diana's touch and the way Diana's thumb circled like she knew exactly what she was doing to Akko's insides.

She was so zoned out she didn't even notice when the others started flicking the lights out and Diana said, "Akko, are you not ready for bed? We have to get up early tomorrow."

"Yes," Akko said, her voice somewhere between a breath and a squeak, and shoved her phone under her pillow as she climbed under the covers. She lay on her back, thinking that might be the safest place to be, and coiled her arms on her chest as she stared up at the dark ceiling.

She didn't know how long she stayed like that. Long after Hannah and Barbara's breath had trickled into the rhythm of sleep, long after she knew that she  _too_ should have been asleep, but her brain was still alive with thoughts of Diana and the radiating warmth of the girl's body so close to her own.

"Hey, Akko?"

The whisper was low, hesitant. Akko felt the tips of Diana's fingers ghost against her shoulder and turned her head to see blue eyes staring back at her. Moonlight streaming through the window lit the side of her face and the pale gold of her hair, wild against the pillow.

Akko said nothing as she blinked back. Her heart, which she had  _finally_ managed to talk down from the cliff it was hanging off, had immediately started to flare into action again. It was loud in her head and she wouldn't be surprised if Diana could hear it, too.

The other girl leaned up on a propped elbow, her eyes flickering over Akko's face. Akko felt her vision fog, her skin burn with the anticipation of whatever was happening as Diana leaned slowly in, her breath warm on her cheek, her temple, rustling her hair.

Diana leaned in, her lips tickling against the shell of Akko's ear. Akko couldn't stop the very sharp intake of breath at the sudden sensation and froze completely, clenching her fists against her chest.

"Thank you," Diana whispered, her voice a soothing breath that sent warmth flooding through Akko's entire body, coursing through her blood at the speed of sound. It was like somebody running through a house and turning on every single light as they went, screaming,  _Wake the hell up, something is happening!_

She felt warm, soft lips pressing against her cheek and her breath hitched. She choked down a whimper that fought to get loose behind her teeth and turned her head up, red eyes wide as she found the small smile that had slid across Diana's face as she retreated.

Diana settled back onto her side of the bed and rolled away from her. Akko squeezed her eyes shut hard, forcing her lungs to take in air as she struggled to quiet her raging nerves. She rolled her jaw, nails digging half-moons into her palm, and tried to distract herself from what just happened.

But she couldn't stop thinking about it, and she most  _certainly_ couldn't sleep. She knew she needed to get rest—she had to be up early the next day and had courses to memorize—but the lights were still on in her mind, and so she resigned herself to exhaustion and the sweet, sweet suffering that came with the beautiful girl who was only inches away.

* * *

She didn't forget her courses.

She didn't win, either, but that didn't matter. Miss Callistis had instructed her to go slower, to take her time, to focus on where she was going next. Plus, they had pulled a rail in one course—Akko's fault, she had rushed Chariot to the fence—and so that had drastically knocked their time down in the second round. But, she  _did_  come in third and fifth, respectively, which Akko thought was quite good since she was facing over a dozen other riders in her division and it was her first time.

Akko was especially proud of Chariot. She had hugged her mare tight and told her how much she loved her and what a good pony she was as she pulled the braids out of her mane ("I am fixing that mop when we get back to Luna Nova," Diana had grumbled from where she stood getting Beatrix ready to travel) and prepared her for the van. She tugged Chariot's plaid sheet over her body and fastened the buckles, gently running her hands over the long, soft hair and digging peppermints out of her pocket every other moment to shove into the waiting pony's mouth.

She had just loaded the mare up, still giggling to herself at Chariot stepping with exaggeration in her thick shipping boots, when Miss Callistis finished a conversation with Miss Meridies and strode over with a huge grin.

"I'm proud of you, Akko," the instructor said, placing an affectionate hand on Akko's shoulder. "You did extremely well. Once we get you used to memorizing courses, all you have to do is add a little bit of speed and you'll be wiping the floors with everybody else. Well… that is, if you decide you want to stay on the Jump team."

Akko had blinked back at her with wide red eyes, unable to stop the smile that tugged at her lips. She knew the decision would be coming on whether or not to take on the added responsibility of an extra team, but she was also ready. While she preferred the rush of Games, she had to admit that jumping was fun and Chariot was good at it. In fact, Chariot  _loved_  it. And if Diana had made a decision on discipline based on her mare, why shouldn't Akko do the same?

"I would like to," she said after a moment, fidgeting with the empty peppermint wrappers in her pocket and shooting a glance at Diana, who was talking to Hannah and Barbara at the other end of the van. Diana looked up and met her gaze with a timid smile before turning away.

Okay, so it wasn't all based on Chariot. The Jump team traveled with the Hunt team. And so, if Akko rode for them, she would be able to spend more time with Diana and, well, now she knew she had a  _chance…_

It was stupid, but Akko never claimed to always think with the smart part of her brain, and so the addition of Diana to that slightly tilted scale made one end drop like she'd thrown a two ton weight on it.

"Really?" Miss Callistis was grinning, one dimple dipping into the side of her freckled cheek. "That's great, Akko—" when had the instructor started calling her Akko? "—I'm really excited to have you. I'll talk to Miss Nelson when we get back and make arrangements. Wow, I feel like a divorced parent in a custody battle. Don't worry, we'll make sure you aren't overwhelmed."

And so she had joined the Jump team. Officially. Which meant she had a lot to think about. Games. Jumping. School.

Diana.

But that could all wait, because she didn't sleep for a single minute the night before, and so as soon as she climbed into the passenger seat of Diana's car, she had curled up against the window and passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LET THE GAY TORMENT BEGIN SUCKAAAAZ
> 
> okay also so i should have clarified a few things last night but i was rushing off to bed
> 
> hunters: this discipline is judged on the movement and response of the horse as well as the position and effectiveness of the rider. it is very subjective and judgment can vary based on judge preferences. an "equitation" round is judged p u r e l y on the rider.
> 
> jumpers: they effectively do the same thing as hunters, but the horse and rider are not judged aesthetically. it's based on time and faults (faults being a knocked rail, which is worth 4 points OR 4 seconds depending on the competition). jumper courses will be a little more demanding as far as turns and obstacles. in jumpers you cannot cross over a line that you have already made, which means that you cannot circle around if you miss something. going off course is an immediate disqualification.
> 
> on deck: next in line
> 
> salute: jumpers and dressage riders salute the judges. this is done by halting the horse, dropping one arm from the reins straight down toward the ground, and dipping the head. judges will salute back before allowing the round to start.
> 
> i dont know what the heck else i used but there you go. also sometimes i do 2 updates in a day but today there wont be because i'm busy tonight so enjoy this boi.


	16. The Last Question

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

"Pretend you're with me," Akko had whispered into her ear. Shivers ran down her spine like she'd been dunked into freezing water. She had to squeeze her eyes shut at the sensation of the other girl's arms around her and the soft words that tickled her skin. She took a deep breath and met Akko's bright red eyes with a wavering stare.

"Okay," she'd managed to say, trying not to focus on the fingers threading through her hair and the shockwaves that Akko's touch was sending through her body. She slowly reached out and placed a hand on Akko's thigh, her thumb dragging across the material of her jeans on impulse.

Akko took a sip of her beer, glancing over her shoulder before returning her gaze to Diana. She was pressed in so close that she was sure Akko could feel the heat radiating off her burning skin. "Does she ride or something? What's she doing here?"

Akko had fallen into her role as Diana's pseudo-girlfriend with ease, and Diana let herself admire the sudden confidence and protectiveness that had encompassed the other girl in mere moments. It was… really attractive, if Diana had to put a label to it.

Okay, she would anyway. It was really attractive.

Diana eyed Chloe over Akko's shoulder. Hayley was lingering at her ex-girlfriend's side, occasionally glancing over as she spoke with the tall brunette.  _Please don't come over here_ , Diana thought, and turned back to Akko. Had she moved in? Her face was so close that she could have just tilted her chin a little—

"Her best friend rides for Oxford," she said, keeping her voice low. "She probably came to watch."

A shadow passed over Akko's bright eyes and she tightened her grip on Diana's neck, sending a pang through her lower abdomen and making her choke on a breath. She unconsciously squeezed the other girl's thigh a little tighter, feeling the muscle squirm beneath her. "Watch her friend, or you?" Akko asked, and for a moment Diana thought she could pick up a hint of jealousy in her voice.

"I—I don't know," Diana somehow managed to say through the sensation of fingers tugging at her hair. She guessed that she had about thirty seconds until she lost her mind. She shot a look back over at Chloe, who wasn't looking any longer, and said, "I blocked her number last month," because she definitely didn't want Akko to think she was still hung up on her ex.

Akko's warm hand fell from her beer to cover her own and squeezed gently. Diana flicked her thumb against the inside of Akko's thigh and took a shuddering breath. She watched as Hayley seized Chloe's arm and, with a final glance back at Diana and Akko, led the other girl from the pub. She let out a long sigh of relief, blue eyes flickering back to red before drifting to the soft lips that were only inches from her own. Akko's breath was ghosting over her face in warm waves. Her eyelids felt heavy with lust—all she had to do was close that gap in one quick move. The thought made a warm desire pulse through her body.

"It worked. She left," she finally managed to choke out, although she almost didn't even want to tell Akko because then everything would have to end. She  _wanted_  Akko's fingers in her hair, she  _wanted_  Akko's arm around her waist. So she kept her hand where it was, feeling the warmth of the other girl's thigh beneath her. Akko was staring at her with a look in her eyes that she had never seen before. Her chest throbbed.

"I… um…," Akko started, her fingers dragging across Diana's neck, her arm.

It was too much. Her thirty seconds had long since been up and the ache between her legs was so powerful that she didn't trust herself to sit there another moment. She stood quickly, nearly knocking over her barstool in the process, and blurted out, "I have to use the washroom," before rushing off.

And thank everything that ever existed that it was empty because she ripped open the door and slammed it shut behind her, letting her back hit the wall hard as she sucked in air that she desperately needed. She felt like she was on fire, like her heart had dropped into the pit of her stomach. She brought her hand up to her face and pinched the bridge of her nose, hard, and let out a loud groan that she'd been holding in the back of her throat.

She could still feel the soft fingers on her neck, in her hair. Akko's breath against her cheeks and lips. Those crimson eyes staring back at her with a look that said that maybe she wanted her just as bad as she wanted Akko.

Diana had stayed there for long enough that she knew it would draw questions, but she couldn't go back out to Akko just yet. Not with her face burning so red, not with her breath hitching in her throat as she struggled to compose herself. This was ridiculous. She was Diana Cavendish, poised and confident and always in control. Even when it came to Chloe, she had been able regulate herself. But with Akko she was some teenage girl that withered beneath the touch of an attractive girl who she  _very_  much wanted to pin against a wall or just curl up against in blissful peace to let the world fall away—

She was in trouble.

She was in a  _lot_  of trouble.

But, God, if it didn't feel  _so_  good.

* * *

Diana had been trying to ask Akko out on a date—a  _real_  date, not getting tipsy on Jasminka's Russian hooch and terrorizing Akko's pony—when the whole Chloe thing had happened. She'd felt like she was finally brave enough to call it that, brave enough to solidify her attraction, subject herself to that vulnerability, and put those words into the air between them. To let Akko know exactly what her intentions were.

Sure, Akko was leagues beyond her. She was friendly and outgoing and well-liked, all things that Diana wasn't, and she was sure the other girl would be more interested in somebody who wasn't emotionally crippled by the weight of an elite status. That's what Chloe had once said, anyway. Those exact words.

"You have no idea how to show your feelings," Chloe had told her one night during a particularly heated argument when Diana had told her she was upset about a cancelled visit the previous weekend. "How am I even supposed to know how you feel about something if you can't properly convey anything? You are literally emotionally crippled. It's not anyone else's fault that you learned to repress your emotions."

She wanted to explain that she  _had_  to—she'd lost her father and her mother and if she let her emotions take control she wouldn't have made it through a single day of her life—but she'd just thrown in the towel because she hated confrontation and didn't want to deal with it anymore. Besides, Chloe was probably right.

Diana rapped the tip of her pen against her open Equine Nutrition book, sighing down at the wall of words that had blurred together with her thoughts. She'd been trying to study for a majority of the night, and thus far it had been completely ineffective. It was a good thing she had already reviewed this particular chapter twice, because she could not seem to get her head into it.

The only time she'd had respite from her own mind was when she rode Beatrix earlier in the evening. It had been cold, bitterly so, and so Miss Meridies had let the Hunt team hack in the indoor arena. She'd barely even seen Akko, who'd had her usual outdoor Games practice and only waved in passing as she and Chariot pranced by the doors to the indoor with the rest of the team.

Diana had left long before Akko had even finished.

The blue message indicator was blinking at the top of her mobile where she'd set it down on her notebook. Diana dropped her pen into the spine of the book and opened it up—she didn't even try to suppress a smile, she was alone in her room—to find her latest message from Akko.

> _Akko 20:22_
> 
> _are u going to jas's party this wknd?_

She blinked down at her mobile. This was the first thing she'd heard about any sort of party, and to be quite frank, house parties were certainly not her scene. She preferred her surroundings more docile and controlled.

> _Diana 20:23_
> 
> _I haven't been invited to any party._
> 
> _Akko 20:23_
> 
> _yes u have :3_
> 
> _**| Akko 8:19** _
> 
> _**| can I invite the hunt team pleeeeeeeease** _
> 
> _**| Jas Hands 8:21** _
> 
> _**| they eat two vodka gummies at the door.** _
> 
> _**| and don't start anything with Amanda.** _
> 
> _**| if they're not in costume they're taking another shot of the worst vodka I have and getting kicked out.** _
> 
> _**| only conditions.** _
> 
> _**| Akko 8:21** _
> 
> _**| deal!** _
> 
> _see_

Diana propped her forehead against the heel of her hand and stared at the messages. She wasn't sure about going to the type of party that she knew this one would be, but if Hannah and Barbara were allowed to come—and, well, Akko—

> _Diana 20:26_
> 
> _Well, it seems you've already committed me._
> 
> _Akko 20:26_
> 
> _YyYYEYEYESSSSSss_

Diana chuckled and set the mobile back down, packing up her text and notebook and returning them to her satchel for the next day before turning off the pale glow of her desk lamp and climbing into her bed. It was early, sure, but she knew she wasn't going to accomplish anything further.

Not that she really did in the first place.

She stuffed her Beatrix plush between her arm and torso and lay on her back, clutching her mobile between her hands.

> _Akko 20:31_
> 
> _whatcha doing_
> 
> _Diana 20:31_
> 
> _I'm in bed._
> 
> _Akko 20:31_
> 
> _it's 830_
> 
> _are u 19 or 85?_

Yeah, well, she woke up at 5:30. And she knew for a fact that Akko didn't wake up until after 10 (she'd even missed her morning class, which Diana had scolded her for) because the other girl didn't respond to her good morning text until then.

> _Diana 20:33_
> 
> _Easy to say when you skip class and sleep in._
> 
> _Akko 20:33_
> 
> _THAT WAS ONE TIME_
> 
> _this week_
> 
> _one time this week_
> 
> _so far_

Diana gnawed at her bottom lip, running her fingers through the little Beatrix's soft yarn mane and mulling her options before deciding to go for it. If she didn't get a good response, she could always play it off.

> _Diana 20:35_
> 
> _Come keep me awake._

Dots darted across the screen and then disappeared. And then again. She was starting to feel really dumb for saying that and was trying to force away the heat in her face when a new message flashed—

> _Akko 20:36_
> 
> _and how would u like me to do that?_

Her tongue darted out and wet her lips and she squirmed beneath the sheets, unable to keep herself from blushing furiously as she responded. She felt her lower abdomen surge and she slid her fingers beneath the waistband of her shorts, tapping out a text with her thumb.

> _Diana 20:37_
> 
> _I'm sure you'll think of something._

More dots flashing across the screen. Stop. Start. Stop. Start.

> _Akko 20:39_
> 
> _i'll make ur bed rock_

Oh, this was going exactly where she wanted it.

> _Akko 20:40_
> 
> _FROM_
> 
> _JUMPING_
> 
> _ON_
> 
> _IT_

She rolled her eyes and pulled her hand back out of her shorts.

> _Diana 20:41_
> 
> _Wow, Akko._
> 
> _Akko 20:41_
> 
> _what? I'm a master bed jumper_

Diana squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head against the pillow, switching the screen of her mobile off and dropping it on the edge of her bed. With a heavy sigh, she pushed her hand back into her shorts to feel exactly what thoughts of Akko—repressed, ignorant, useless Akko—had done to her, and she took care of it anyway.

* * *

She had been riding Beatrix much longer than she meant to, but her heart was pounding and her anxiety was through the roof. She barely focused on the rhythm of her posting as she guided the large mare in a 20-meter circle, hands resting quietly against her thighs as she tried to sink into the smooth flow of the trot.

Akko was still practicing. Diana occasionally raised her eyes from her own task at hand to watch the team, galloping back and forth and recklessly jumping on and off their ponies as they ran the same races time and time again. They had one more competition in November, Akko had told her, before the International meet which was to take place at the end of the year. The host country was yet to be announced—it all depended on which teams remained after qualifiers in the divisions around the world.

She watched as Akko and Amanda bolted side by side, carefully weaving through poles as they held a string taut between them. They worked pretty well together, despite their clashing personalities, and the two ponies were a flash of bay and chestnut as they broke apart at the finish and went galloping in different directions. Akko was standing up straight in the irons and gesturing with one hand and a wide grin on her face.

Cute. Diana smirked and brought her attention back to her own mare, who was huffing with the effort of the lengthy work. Diana sat deep in the saddle and let the reins slip between her hands to feed Beatrix her freedom. The mare responded by dropping down to a walk and dipping her nose to the ground with a quick shake of her head. She snorted and stepped over to the rail on instinct.

The Games team was gathered in the middle of their arena speaking with Miss Nelson and Diana knew that practice was about to be dismissed. It was long past dark and the arena's floodlights had sparked to life hours before, though the team had continued practice. It was astounding, really. None of the other teams ever went that late or that hard-the Games team went rain or shine, snow or sleet—and Diana couldn't understand for the life of her why. Akko never seemed bothered, though, and always greeted Diana with the same smile whether she was soaked to the bone, freezing cold, or dripping sweat.

Diana stopped Beatrix in the middle of the arena and swung off, her boots thumping gently into the sand, and slowly ran the stirrups up. Anything to take longer, anything to give her another moment to take some deep breaths and reassure herself that there was no harm in asking. Akko would either say yes, or she wouldn't. Still, she couldn't soothe the way her skin was shivering—it wasn't from the cold—and the fog that had consumed her mind all day. Ever since she had finally worked up the courage to message Akko. The courage to commit to the question she wanted to ask.

> _Diana 14:44_
> 
> _Hey, do you think we could talk after your practice?_
> 
> _Akko 14:45_
> 
> _sure, everything ok?_
> 
> _Diana 14:45_
> 
> _Yes. I'd just like to talk to you._
> 
> _Akko 14:46_
> 
> _ok…_
> 
> _sure?_

She slipped the reins over Beatrix's head, stopping to undo the noseband, throatlatch, and affectionately scratch her mare behind her large ears, and headed for the gate. She shoved her hands into her pockets, trusting the mare to walk quietly behind her, as she undid the latch and pulled the mare into the middle lane. Beatrix's shoes echoed and scraped on the cobblestone as she stepped forward and turned with her owner.

Akko was already headed toward her. Her black cotton reins were still hung over Chariot's neck, stirrups tossed carelessly across the saddle. Akko's helmet was unbuckled and the strap dangled at her neck. The right side of her body was sprayed with wet sand—the arenas were filled with puddles from rain the night before—and the bottom half of her breeches were soaked.

"Should I be worried?" Akko asked as she grew near, chuckling nervously and shoving her hands deep into the pockets of her thick red jacket. Her long brunette ponytail hung, tangled and limp, in a straight line down her back. Her bangs were scattered across her forehead and her temple, sweaty and messy.

Diana took a deep breath.

"Of course not," she said quickly. She clenched her jaw and looked down at her boots, shuffling them against the edge of a stone as she tried to gather her bearings. "Would you… like to walk back together?"

"Uh, sure," Akko replied, brown eyebrows knitting together. Diana could feel the crimson eyes searching her face and knew that the other girl was staring at the way she was blushing.

They started walking together. Chariot obediently following her owner, Beatrix obedient with the lead of the reins that were shoved into Diana's pocket. She switched to the wrong side so she could walk next to Akko, her breath catching as their sleeves rubbed together. Neither girl moved away.

A long silence had passed before Akko said, "What was it you wanted to talk about? You're kind of worrying me." A pause. "I didn't… do anything, did I?" She turned her head, red eyes peeking at the side of Diana's face as they walked.

"Of course not," Diana repeated. Okay, this was it. No, she'd never done this before—Chloe had asked her out—and yes, she was internally panicking. But she'd rehearsed this—she was Diana Cavendish, dammit—and she could  _do_  this.

"I—uh—you see—well—"

_She rehearsed this._

Akko raised one eyebrow. Chariot snorted and the other girl cringed and swiped the snot she'd sprayed all over her sleeve onto her wet breeches.

"You owe me a question," Diana breathed at last. Yes, this was right. She swallowed hard.

"Oh." If it was possible for Akko to look more confused, she did. Her step faltered, but she carried on to the bright white lights of the stable that wasn't far in the distance. The rest of the Games team had already disappeared. "Do I? I don't remember asking you anything. Was I supposed to?"

"No," Diana said. She shivered into her jacket and bit her lip, forcing her gaze straight ahead because she knew if she looked at Akko she would lose her train of thought again and she wasn't about to look like a bumbling idiot doing this. Akko wouldn't want to go out with somebody who couldn't express themselves. She, herself, was a walking bundle of human emotion. And she certainly wouldn't want to go out with somebody who couldn't ask a single question without tripping on words. "You… owe me a question. To ask you. From last weekend."

"Ohhh." Akko nodded, looking down at the stone as she walked. "Right, right. Okay, go ahead. Ask whatever."

They were near the stable entrance, and Diana didn't want to go in just yet, so she came to a stop. Beatrix dipped her head at her side, sniffing at the ground. Akko took an extra step but, realizing that Diana wasn't moving anymore, turned and faced her. Chariot walked over to the grass along the side of the lane and lowered her head to start snapping greedily at the little bit of green grass that was left with the colder weather. Akko let her.

"I—" She paused, licking her lips nervously before tugging her eyes up to meet Akko's. God, she was cute. She forced her mind to focus once more and took a deep breath before saying, "I was wondering if you would like to—"

"Yo, Akko!"

Diana groaned. Out loud.

Amanda was rushing out of the stable toward them with her trademark grin, pulling her untacked and still sweaty pony along with her. "You gotta get in here, Cons made the coolest automatic treat dispenser. Cookie's already figured it out and it is  _funny_  as—"

Diana cleared her throat and leveled blue eyes on the rowdy American. "Pardon me, but do you mind?"

"Mind what, Cavendish?" Amanda grumbled, pulling up next to them. Star made a lunge for the grass beside Chariot but she snatched him back with a jerk of the rope. Akko had turned, confused—the emotion she'd clearly chosen to represent for the evening—to face her teammate.

Diana grit her teeth. "Would you consider taking a walk? A long one? Perhaps across the country and back? We're having a conversation."

"And I'm sure that's  _very_  important," Amanda said, disregarding Diana with a roll of her eyes before turning back to Akko. "Anyway—"

Diana brought a gloved hand up to her face and pinched the bridge of her nose, sucking in air through her nostrils before letting her arm drop. She forced her expression back to neutral as she regarded Amanda and said, her voice far more clear and confident than she expected, "If you would be so kind, I am kind of trying to ask Akko out on a date right now. So, yes, it is important."

Whatever Amanda was going to say disappeared with any resolve that the other girl held onto. Diana could feel two pairs of eyes on her, both flickering with shock.

"Huh?" Akko squeaked out.

"Oh," Amanda mumbled. Her red eyebrows stitched together and then relaxed as she took a step back, tugging Star to get his attention. She raised her hand and thumbed down the lane in the opposite direction and muttered a quick but decisive, "Right, okay… I'm going to go… take that walk."

Star's shoes rang out into the bitter night as the American hurried away.

Akko was still staring at her, red eyes wide with surprise. Her cheeks had been pink from the cold, but now they were a bright red fire. What Diana would have given to warm her hands on them.

"So…" Diana took a deep breath, suddenly nervous again, and forced her eyes to meet Akko's. "Would you… like to go out? With me? On a… date?"

Akko's lips were slack and her tongue darted out of her mouth to wet them. A chill breeze picked up the end of her ponytail and sent her hair scattering across her shoulder. There was a long quiet between them—one that was probably much shorter than it felt—before Akko finally spoke.

"Please," she breathed.

Diana wanted to say something, but whatever it was died in her throat at that single word.

"I mean… yes. Yes. I would love that. I mean, like that. I mean… a date would be… cool. With you." Akko brought her hand up and scratched at the back of her neck, the corner of her mouth tugging into a grimace at her own words. "Yes?" she squeaked, followed by a more confident, "Yes," and a firm nod.

"You… will? Okay." Diana let out a long breath and shifted on legs that she didn't even realize had completely frozen with the rest of her. Beatrix brought her muzzle down to her lower leg and gave it a small nudge. "Great." Her heart was throbbing in her ears and she felt the urge to run away and scream into something until her body stopped having a total critical meltdown.

"When?" she heard Akko ask, but the question didn't really register because her brain was disintegrating inside her skull, and so she replied with:

"Huh?"

Akko chuckled and looked down at her feet, burying her hands back into her jacket. "When… did you want to go on the, uh… the, uh-"

"Date," Diana said quickly. Though she had to admit, she had been panicking so much over asking Akko that simple question that she hadn't bothered to work out the logistics. It was already Friday, and so it was too late to say then, and then they had Jasminka's party, and she had an exam Monday morning so Sunday wouldn't be all that great—"

"I'm free Wednesday," Akko said. "And I promise this time. I was supposed to have a Jump lesson but Miss Callistis is visiting family this week, so…"

Weird. Miss Meridies was visiting family that week, too. "Wednesday. Yes," Diana confirmed. "I… will arrange everything else."

"Okay," Akko replied.

Another silence spread between them. It was awkward, and Diana had no idea what to say, but she knew she needed to say  _something_ , so she said, "Well…"

Just as Akko said, "Alright…"

Diana chuckled nervously.

"Right. Well, I'm going to go untack. Are you coming?" Akko asked.

Diana glanced at her horse, who was staring off at the wood line, at the shadows of the trees that stretched like monoliths over the stable grounds. She shook her head and turned back to Akko. "I'm going to stay back for a minute."

Akko cracked a smile and nudged the toe of her paddock boot into the side of Diana's foot. "Okay, weirdo," she joked. "I'll see you, then." She turned on her heel and started walking off to the stable, turning back only to call Chariot ("Come on, lazy pony!") who was still grazing next to the lane. She perked up at her owner's voice and broke into a trot after her.

Diana let out a very, very, very long sigh and wrapped her arms around her quiet mare's neck. Beatrix leaned into her a little bit, nipping playfully at the bottom of her jacket and earning a swat of Diana's hand, before grunting and looking back at the stable, where Akko and Chariot were disappearing into the bright light of the aisle.

Diana buried her face into her mare's black mane, took a deep breath, and screamed—internally, of course—until she felt like she could function again.

Which turned out to be a  _significant_  amount of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey how you guys holding up, if you're thirsty i brought a whOLE DANG FIREHOSE DRINK DEEP FRIENDS


	17. Fur and Fangs

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

Akko was going through the motions.

There was no other way to put it. Her heart was throbbing in her chest and shrilling in her ears and she was two seconds away from letting out the longest, loudest scream her body was capable of.

But she held it in, because she knew that Diana would have heard her, and that would have been  _very_  embarrassing.

Ignoring the calls from her teammates as she rushed down the aisle with Chariot ("Now now," she managed to squeak out), she led her small mare into her stall and began yanking off the tack with little regard for what she was doing. She haphazardly threw her saddle and bridle onto her wooden tack trunk, swallowing hard as she dug through her grooming kit for a curry before slipping back into Chariot's stall to run it over her body. Her pony was staring at her curiously, ears pricked forward, lips searching—as always—for the bulge of peppermints in her pockets.

Akko froze mid-curry and let herself collapse into her furry pony. She wrapped her arms tight around her small neck, threading her fingers through the wild chestnut mane, and squealed as loud as she would allow herself.

Diana had asked her on a date.

Diana Cavendish, possibly the most  _gorgeous_  person she had ever laid eyes on, had asked  _her_ , Atsuko Kagari, on a  _date_.

She didn't have time to think about how it was going to be her first date ever. She didn't care. That was a thought for later, a worry for another time in another place when she still wasn't reeling from the very real and very in-her-face fact that  _Diana had asked her on a date._

She had been considering it the entire week. After she'd gotten confirmation that she actually had a chance with the other girl, she'd been mulling the thought in her mind with every spare thought she had. But she didn't know how to do it.

"Diana, date me," she had demanded into her mirror, though that didn't seem right, it was far too forceful and she figured Diana wouldn't receive something like that well. She was too independent and would probably just stare back at Akko as though she was insane.

"You, me, date," she had said a day later to Chariot as she stood in her stall. She'd pointed at herself, then Chariot, then asserted the final word with all the power and confidence she could muster. Chariot had just stared at her and pinned her ears, and so she figured that was a sign that her newest idea wouldn't work either.

"Diana, I want to go on a big lesbian date with you," she'd proposed to Sucy, who had howled with laughter and fallen off the couch, effectively spilling her kale and cucumber smoothie all over the floor. The lavender-haired girl had then made Akko clean it up, because, "It's your fault for saying something so stupid."

And then in bed, she'd whispered into her pillow, "Hey there, Diana, how would you feel about some exclusive Akko time?" and her pillow had said nothing back, because it was just a pillow, and Akko had growled in frustration and gone to sleep instead.

But she didn't have to think about it anymore! Because Diana had asked  _her_ , in a way that she hadn't thought of. "Would you like to go on a date with me?" had seemed so simple, and yet when it came out of Diana's mouth, it was possibly one of the most perfect things she had ever heard.

She hadn't realized it was  _that_  easy, or she would have done that long ago!

Akko grinned into Chariot's mane. The mare snorted and squirmed in her grasp, struggling to get to her hay feeder to take a bite, and Akko pulled her back in with a grunt and a, "No, you stay here."

It was like a dream. She expected to wake up at any moment and bury her face in her hands because it wasn't real. But it  _was_  real, because she'd pinched herself many times and every time it hurt and usually she woke up at the good parts, so following that logic she would've woken up right when Diana had made that comment to Amanda about asking her on a date.

Her face was burning. She heard horseshoes on the stone aisle and looked up to watch Diana finally walk by with Beatrix. Diana threw her a timid smile and kept going.

The grin on her face widened and she hugged Chariot tighter. The mare swayed beneath her weight.

"What do you think, Chariot?" she asked the pony, stepping away to grab the mare's head and pull it into her chest. Chariot lipped at her coat. "She's super hot, isn't she?"

Chariot stuck her tongue into the front pocket of Akko's coat and dug out an old peppermint wrapper.

"You have poor taste if you don't agree," Akko grumbled, reaching into her other pocket and pulling out a fresh peppermint to feed the mare. "Besides, who really cares what you think.  You're just a pony."

* * *

She and Chariot had gone for the perfect ride. They'd galloped over miles of rolling green plains, over hills scattered with massive, towering trees that reached into a sky as bright blue as Diana's eyes. Chariot had been thrilled, slowing for nothing as she strode across the tall grass on the outskirts of Luna Nova.

Akko was still smiling, still feeling the wind whistling in her ears and the warmth of the mid-summer day, as she placed her saddle on its rack in the massive tack room. The warmth felt good against her bare legs—it was hot enough to wear shorts—and she relished in the relief from the cold of winter.

She was tucking her saddle and girth into the safety of her saddle cover when she heard footsteps behind her, slow and methodical against the stone floor. Weird, she hadn't seen anybody else at the barn. It had been completely empty. She turned, curious as to who had joined her, but before she could do so she felt slender arms snaking around her waist.

"Hello, Akko," Diana's soft voice whispered into her ear, tickling the brunette hair that fell around her face and shoulders.

Akko felt herself smiling. "Diana," she murmured, leaning back into the body of the other girl. She could feel soft hands running over the outside of her t-shirt, slipping beneath the thin cloth to coast over her abdomen. Akko squeezed her eyes shut, sighing into the sensation, relaxing into the fingers that danced against her skin. Heat radiated out from wherever Diana touched her.

After a moment she turned—she couldn't take it anymore—and slammed her lips against Diana's. A low moan slipped from the back of her throat as she reached up, threading her fingers through those thick blonde curls, and pulled her in. Diana kissed her back, hard, her tongue darting from her mouth to trace against Akko's bottom lip.

"I want you," Diana hissed, breaking her lips away to trail to the soft skin of Akko's neck, engulfing the curve beneath her jaw in warmth.

"But… Chariot," Akko started, unable to suppress the groan that echoed behind her teeth. Her pony was still waiting for her in the cross ties, ready to be put out into the pasture with the rest of the games ponies.

Diana pulled back. A smirk ghosted over her lips as she slid her arms behind the meat of Akko's thighs and lifted her up. "Chariot can wait," she grumbled—and then slammed Akko against the wall. The saddles were gone and there was just them. Just the rhythm of heavy breathing, of pants between kisses, of moans that slid like liquid from Akko's lips as Diana's hands roamed her entire body. She wrapped her legs around Diana's waist, letting her torso go limp with the effects of her desire as the blonde girl set her body afire with pleasure.

She felt fingernails drifting up the outside of her thigh and draped her arms around Diana's neck, breaths hiccupping in her throat in heavy gasps. Lust-filled blue eyes burned into her own as Diana moved without hesitation, her mouth open as gasps fell in waves from between her lips. Diana's fingers were ripping open her shorts, yanking on the zipper, sliding beneath the thin material of her underwear—

Akko startled awake.

She was covered in sweat. She could feel it pricking at her brows, running down her sternum, cold and damp against her burning neck. Her room was still cloaked in darkness, her drawn blinds closing out the light of the moon that still loomed overhead, and Akko took a shuddering breath.

Kuso.

That was  _hot_.

She could feel how painfully wet she was. It clung to the insides of her thighs, damp against the crotch of her shorts, and she desperately wished that she hadn't woken, that she could sink back into the dream and Diana's arms and Diana's glorious hands. Her core throbbed with desire and she squirmed uncomfortably, breathing heavily through her nose in an attempt to ease her aching lungs. The arousal hurt.

Akko groaned and lifted the sheets, burying her face into the warm fabric. This was hardly the first dream she'd had about Diana, but every time they felt so much more real.

She dug a hand under her pillow to pull out her phone. Not even half three. She had a message from Diana that she supposed she'd missed because she'd fallen asleep before she saw it:

_Diana 10:01_

_Can't wait to see you tomorrow._

Akko turned the screen back off and returned it to her pillow. Well, it was certainly going to be hard getting back to sleep. At least in her current predicament. With a guilty sigh, she eased out of her shorts and kicked them to the end of the bed beneath her covers. She slid her hand down, squeezing her eyes shut and letting out a long breath as she began to rock into her own fingers. She desperately wanted to moan, but the walls were thin and Lotte was a light sleeper, so she choked down any noise behind clenched teeth and let thoughts of Diana consume her.

* * *

"Holy  _shit_ ," Amanda hissed when she finally managed to throw back the rest of her gummy worm. "That is the longest shot I have ever taken. What in the hell did you put in that, Jas?"

Jasminka shrugged, lifting up a fat, colorful gummy worm and swallowing it in one go. "There's probably a shot and a half to two shots per cauldron," she said, munching happily on her spiked candy.

Akko was currently gnawing at the worm she'd been given with a look of pure disgust. Her lips curled back over her teeth as she struggled to choke it down. There was no semblance of sugar left in it: it had soaked up all the vodka and was nothing but chewy alcohol.

"This is great," Sucy was mumbling around the mouthful of two worms she was working on. Lotte, ever reliable to never test her boundaries, had vehemently declined the tiny plastic cauldron that Jasminka had offered her. Constanze, too, had opted instead for a Heineken.

The party had taken off a while ago and there were already a  _ton_  of people there. The whole Jump team—Akko had been sure to say hello—and the Dressage team had arrived earlier in the evening. The Eventing team had just shown up and Ashley from the Vaulting team had already texted to say they were on the way. The small flat was swarming with people and loud with the noise of rowdy and almost-drunk girls.

The Hunt team hadn't showed up yet, though, and Akko was itching to see Diana. Well, she was itching from her costume, too, but that was a different story. It was her first Halloween celebration and she had gone all out with a red plaid flannel shirt that she'd torn to shreds, along with an old pair of jeans that she'd ripped up, and her paddock boots. She'd sewn fake hair that she'd gotten at the store into the neck, arms, and in random puffs through the shirt. Lotte had helped her tease her hair into this wild style that rose up and slicked back like some 90s American mullet and had expertly painted her face to look wolfish with her own personal make-up.

"There you go," Lotte had said proudly, showing Akko the finished product of her very first Halloween costume—a werewolf. "You look  _just_  like I'd picture Arthur looking like! If he was a girl, of course. And Japanese."

Akko had grinned and given her two thumbs up.

It was hard not to mess up her hair, though, and even harder not to scratch at the itchy fur that tickled her skin. She rubbed at the sleeves of her flannel and took a sip of her fresh beer to try to cancel out the burn of vodka.

The flat had been decorated to the nines. All the lamps had been turned off and the only light came from a few electric lanterns that were scattered around on different surfaces. Amanda had apparently tried to get them to use candles, but Constanze and Jasminka, the voices of reason, had very reasonably explained that drunk people + candles = fire, and so they had settled for something that wouldn't burn down all of Luna Nova and Exeter in a single evening.

What Amanda  _had_  managed to swing, though, was a fog machine that she'd put in the corner of the living room that was bellowing thick mist everywhere, a video on the television that showed gory horror scenes and played a lot of really creepy noises, and a bunch of other very strange and spooky decorations that had, in Akko's opinion, a nice aesthetic for the theme of the holiday.

Plus a massive banner across the wall that said:

HAPPY HALLOBIRTHDAY JASMINKA, even though her birthday was actually in November.

Amanda was also in charge of the music—Akko hated it—and Jasminka had volunteered to take the responsibility of stocking the drinks. She'd made her vodka-soaked gummy worms, a cauldron of something green that Sucy had helped with that was leaking streams of fog, a whole fridge full of beer, and every single kind of liquor that she could swipe from the store.

To say the least, Akko was already tipsy. She sipped her beer and mingled with Lotte, who was some kind of character out of her favorite book series, Night Fall, and Sucy, who was wearing the mushroom cap that she had spent hours painting on the floor of their common area.

"It's my favorite fungus," she'd deadpanned as she assembled it onto her head and walked out in regular clothes, otherwise. Jasminka had accepted it as it was, "Clear she put in an effort."

Constanze was a robot made out of painted and assembled cardboard boxes, Jasminka was one of those weird Dutch people in lederhosen, and Amanda... well, she didn't know who Amanda was, because she was supposed to be some blue-haired girl from a video game that Akko had never heard of. Her red hair peeked from beneath the blue spray she'd coated it in.

"Hey, Akko, your girl's here," Sucy mumbled, bringing her beer to her lips and taking a sip. The girl was swaying a little bit from the gummy worms, but seemed completely normal otherwise.

Akko had told her roommates that Diana had asked her out on a date, of  _course_ , because how could she have possibly kept something that exciting to herself? It had led to a lot of teasing on Sucy's part and a lot of scolding Sucy on Lotte's part.

Akko swiveled so fast she tripped over her own feet and almost fell, but Lotte caught her with a shake of her head and a, "Please be careful, Akko."

But she hardly heard, because her eyes had fallen on the three people who had just walked in. Hannah and Barbara were those twins from The Shining—she'd seen that movie, so she got that reference—and Diana was...

She didn't know? But incredibly hot?

She was wearing those tight black pants and boots and a black leather jacket over a Victorian looking white blouse that had splashes of red across the front, which Akko assumed were supposed to be blood. Her hair fell in its usual style, wavy against her pale face—which, now that she looked, did look paler than usual—and cascaded over the shoulders of her leather jacket. Otherwise, she looked like completely normal, everyday, insanely gorgeous Diana.

She went to take a sip of her beer and missed her mouth. Beer sloshed down over her flannel and she swiped it away with the fur on her cuff and a growl of surprise. She stepped forward, noting how much taller Diana was with those boots on, and sipped her beer—this time actually making it to her mouth—as she watched Jasminka shoveling cauldrons into their hands.

"Whath thith?" Diana asked, and Hannah and Barbara howled with laughter behind her. Diana shot out an elbow and nailed Hannah in the shoulder, who grumbled and rubbed at where she'd been struck.

"You win so hard for this costume idea," Hannah was screeching at Barbara, who was grinning at the back of their taller roommate's head.

Jasminka squinted her eyes at the team. "Vodka soaked gummy worms. You eat two. Rules of the party. Don't think I forgot. And don't mess with Amanda."

"This is peer pressure. Fine. Let's get this over with," Hannah muttered.

A frown cut across Diana's face and she took the cauldron, picked up both worms at the same time, and shoved them into her mouth with a roll of her eyes just as Akko strode over and said, "I wouldn't do that!"

Diana's hand flew over her mouth and she bent over, blue eyes widening in shock. Akko grimaced as the girl's face made a variety of different expressions before she finally swallowed, keeping her palm clutched over her face as she let out a loud groan. "Dithguthting," she murmured, and Hannah and Barbara both laughed behind her again between bites of their own vodka-soaked gummies.

"I tried to warn you!" Akko said, grabbing the cold sleeve of Diana's leather jacket and pulling her away before Jasminka could give her anything else. That girl was dangerous when it came to alcohol. Amanda had looked up from where she was standing with Constanze, fussing over the music, and cut her eyes at Hannah. The auburn-haired girl, luckily, was paying more attention to chewing the alcohol, and so she didn't see.

"What took you so long?" Akko muttered as she pulled Diana over to the kitchen counter that was already littered with empty beer bottles and a little bit of spilled vodka.

"Thorry," Diana said, folding her arms across her chest. She couldn't have possibly looked more disgruntled with everything and everybody, including herself. "Cothtume."

Akko raised an eyebrow. She reached forward—the alcohol helped her do this, because otherwise she never would have even thought about doing it—and pressed a finger to Diana's upper lip. She rolled it up, careful with the long, press-on claws that she'd attached to her fingernails, and peeked at the sharp fangs that jutted from the other girl's canines. "Ohhh, you're a vampire," she said, nodding as she pulled away.

"Unfortunately," Diana mumbled. Her face had flared a bright red and she curled her lips back to show her fangs, which looked like they'd been glued onto her teeth. Akko stretched a finger out and poked one with the tip of a claw. They felt real. "Thtop it."

Akko grinned and backed up, bringing her beer bottle to her lips and taking a long sip. She set it down on the counter and gestured to the fridge, the many bottles of liquor, the weird punch that Sucy and Jasminka concocted that Akko wasn't brave enough to try, and another tray of uneaten gummy worms. "Drink?" she asked.

"Thure," Diana muttered. She went for the punch, taking an empty cup (making sure to get one from the closed plastic container, not the one that was already opened) and poured herself a massive amount. She took a sip, carefully because the fangs were in the way, and lowered it with a nod of approval. "Kind of good," she said. Sucy, who had heard the compliment, threw a thumbs up and a weird smirk, jostling her mushroom cap to the side.

She had been looking forward to seeing Diana, having woken early with the excitement of the day and the promise of the evening. And now Diana was there, towering over her and looking like an undead goddess, and Akko had no idea what to do. She sipped her beer and nervously shifted on her feet, glancing around at everybody else. Hannah and Barbara had joined the Jump team and Jasminka was walking around trying to get girls to eat her disgusting gummies.

"You look cute," she heard Diana say.

Akko turned back to the other girl, her painted cheeks heating in a blush, and forced a sheepish smile. She hesitated for a moment. She wasn't used to openly flirting and the idea of it gave her a rush. "You… you do, too," she finally managed to choke out. Diana smirked, one fang flashing with the light of a nearby lantern. Though it was dark, Akko could finally see that she had put black make-up around her eyes to make them look sunken. Her pallid face made her blue eyes stand out, bright and glistening, and Akko found herself staring into them.

"Worm?" Jasminka grunted from where she'd sidled up next to them.

Their stare broke and Diana and Akko both looked over and shook their heads.

"Never again," Akko said.

"Abtholutely not," Diana added. She turned and leaned against the counter, the sleeve of her leather jacket pressing against the thick fabric of Akko's fur-lined flannel. Akko could feel the other girl's body rise with a heavy breath and looked over to see her running her fingers over the cup of strange green liquid.

"Thith muthic is dreadful," Diana said at last. She took a swig of her drink, forgetting her fangs momentarily and dribbling some down her chin, which she swiped away quickly with the palm of her hand and grumbled, "Thtupid fangth."

Akko chuckled, arcing out of the way as Avery and a couple other girls from the Dressage team slid into the kitchen, rowdy with gossip, for more drinks. She tugged on Diana's sleeve to get her to follow and the other girl obeyed, looking completely out of place and uncomfortable among the rambunctious girls that surrounded them.

"Hey, Diana," Lotte said as Akko dragged her over to her teammates. "How did your show go last weekend?"

"She did  _great_." Akko beamed up at Diana, whose cheeks were flaring red beneath the thin layer of white make-up. She realized her fingers were still gripping Diana's arm and slowly let her hand fall back to her side.

"It went well. Thank you for athking," Diana replied.

She'd gotten Champion in her division, so Akko knew she was just being humble. She wasn't going to blurt that out, though, because she knew Diana didn't like to tout her accomplishments.

"You sound funny," Sucy said, staring at Diana from beneath her mushroom cap.

" _Sucy_ ," Lotte scolded.

"What?" Sucy grumbled, turning her head to look at the smaller Finnish girl. The cap of her mushroom brushed against the side of Akko's cheek and she took a step back. "I love it."

Diana cricked her lip up and pointed to the fangs, rolling her eyes. She held out her drink to Akko and muttered, "I'm going to the wasthroom," and stepped away.

"Geez, Sucy, do you have to be so abrasive?" Lotte mumbled at her teammate. "You know Diana's sensitive about that kind of stuff. Keep it to yourself."

Sucy shrugged, reaching up to adjust her mushroom cap. "I don't see the big deal, it was a compliment. Besides, it's not like she  _always_  has a lisp, it's just her costume."

Akko stared down at Diana's half-finished drink and lifted it to her mouth to take a curious sip. Hm, it actually tasted kind of good. Though, it was green, and it was made by Sucy and Jasminka, so she figured that the ingredients were likely questionable and decided that a small sample was enough for her.

She wanted to spend time with Diana, but there were so many people that it was hard to even find space to be with only her, not to mention  _hear_  anything through the loud music that Amanda insisted on playing and the shrill voices and laughter of all the girls who tried to talk over it. Plus, she didn't really know how to  _act_. Everything had seemed so fluid before Diana had asked her on a date, but they hadn't gone on it yet and Akko wasn't sure how to proceed. Were they dating? Did they have to  _go_ on the date to be dating? Did somebody have to  _ask_  or specifically  _say_  that they were dating? Were they friends who wanted to make out? Were they gal pals?

Akko groaned and scratched at her sleeve.

"Oh, Akko, we've been looking for you. You two—"

"We have names," Sucy mumbled.

"Yes, okay, you two. Distract Diana," Hannah said, ignoring Sucy's comment and seizing Akko's arm.

Before she even knew what was happening, she found herself being led through the crowd by Hannah and Barbara. The two slipped open the sliding door to the balcony—holy mother was it cold outside—and pushed her out. Orange Halloween lights had been strung up along the black metal railing and a lantern near the glass door cast a little bit of light, but otherwise it was dark with night and thick cloud-cover.

"What's this about?" Akko asked. She set down the two drinks on the small patio table and leveled crimson eyes on the two girls, who were grinning deviously. A chilly breeze made her stiff hair tickle against her neck and she hunched into her fur-lined flannel, shoving her hands into the front pockets of her jeans. Her vision was a little blurry, but nothing she hadn't experienced before. She felt good.

"Wanted to show you something," Hannah said, pulling her phone out of a pocket at the front of her dress. She seemed completely unaffected by the weather. Barbara was giggling behind her hand as she leaned in, watching intently as Hannah flipped her phone over sideways and hit play on a video that she'd pulled up.

"O-okay," Akko replied, teeth chattering from the cold as she turned to look at what Hannah was showing her.

It was Diana.

Dancing.

In her underwear.

And a white tank top.

With no bra.

Akko felt her eyes widening as she stared at the absolutely amazing and oh-so-droolworthy video that Hannah was gifting her with. Flames rushed up her neck to the tips of her ears and she watched, mesmerized, wondering how anybody  _alive_ could be that sexy. Diana was a good dancer—and she wasn't just saying that because the girl was nearly naked—and Akko felt her lower abdomen surge at the sight of her rolling her hips and twisting her abdomen.

"Can you, uh—" She swallowed hard, curling her hands into fists in her pockets. "Can you send me that?"

Hannah laughed and turned the video off, stuffing the phone back into her dress. "Sure thing," she said, winking.

Barbara leaned in, reaching up with one hand to clasp against Akko's shoulder. She felt herself take a step back in surprise, squirming with discomfort as the black-haired girl leaned in close to her ear.

"If you hurt Diana in any way, we will personally cut out your heart and place into a bucket in our entryway, where we will spit on it every time we enter or leave our flat," she whispered, her voice smooth and confident. "Got it?"

All the color that had flooded to her face from the video drained instantly and she stepped back again, grateful when Barbara released her firm grip on her shoulder, and managed to squeak, "Yes," just as Diana was sliding the balcony door open and stepping out.

"What exthactly are you doing with her?" Diana said, glancing between the very guilty looks on both Hannah and Barbara's faces. Akko shrank back and picked up her beer again to take a very long gulp and drain the rest of the bottle.

"Nothing," Hannah said quickly, though the tug at the corner of her lips clearly said otherwise. She seized Barbara's arm and tugged her through the door that was still open behind the blonde and slammed it shut behind them.

"Were they bothering you?" Diana asked. She reached around Akko, her arm brushing against the other girl's waist, to seize her drink. Akko squirmed, feeling the hot blush bursting back into her face at the thought of the video Hannah had showed her. It made her think of her dream, and the familiar ache of lust returned.

Akko shook her head, scratching at the side of her hand with one of her claws, and forced a small smile. "No," she murmured. She shuffled her paddock boots, still dirty from riding earlier in the day, against the stone patio. She was painfully aware that she was alone with Diana, which was what she wanted… but now that it was  _happening_ , her internal organs were shutting down one by one.

The dream she'd had, the video Hannah had showed her, and the fact that Diana looked so damn bombshell in her costume certainly did  _not_  help. She had certainly been hoping the alcohol would've given her a little courage, but all it had seemed to accomplish was making her thoughts a little slower than normal and her vision a little hazy. Everything else had her just as nervous as before.

She could hear the music throbbing inside the flat, the loud voices and laughter of the guests, a werewolf howling on the television. She could even barely see people through the glass, though it was dark inside and the fresh spurt of fog from Amanda's machine made it difficult.

Diana had moved closer. When had she moved closer? Akko swallowed hard and stared down at her feet. The toes of Diana's boots were inches from her own.

"Are you alright?" Diana asked. Her voice was low, quiet, enunciation careful and delicate around the fangs that flashed with a timid smile as Akko looked back up.

"Uh, yes," Akko said. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Diana leaned back against the railing. She peered into her drink, regarding the remaining liquid with careful thought, before throwing the rest of it back and setting the empty cup down next to Akko's.

"You theem nervouth." Diana stepped forward. "And you're thyaking."

Her hand reached forward, thumb brushing gently against Akko's temple. Akko's breath stuttered as she stared into the other girl's eyes. Diana was studying her face, her gaze drifting from red eyes to pale lips. Akko burrowed her fists harder into the pockets of her torn jeans, reminding herself to shut her mouth as she stared back.

"You look like you're going to eat me," Akko murmured. She let a nervous laugh filter from her lips and shifted her gaze to the handle of the closed patio door.

Diana's eyelids fluttered and she leaned in, the soft pads of her fingers trailing down the sides of Akko's face, her jaw, her neck. She pushed the long, styled brunette hair away from her neck and leaned in.

"Maybe I am," she purred, her breath ghosting over Akko's neck.

Akko's gut lurched. The vivid images of her dream sparked into the front of her mind and she suddenly felt weak in the knees. Her hands launched out behind her to grab the corner of the railing just as one of Diana's fangs scraped against the skin of her neck.

"Diana?" she squeaked.

"What would you do," Diana started, letting her mouth drift away from Akko's neck to level glistening blue eyes with ruby, "if I kithed you right now?"

Okay, it would have been hot. It  _was_ hot. Diana was hot and Akko wanted nothing more than for the other girl to kiss her, to press her up against the railing of that balcony and warm her lips with her own.

But Akko couldn't help the laughter that burst from her mouth.

"I don't know," she said, a wide grin bursting across her face. She pulled a hand from her pocket and slapped it over her mouth to try to suppress the giggles. "What would I do if you  _kithed_ me?"

"Bloody hell," Diana cursed. Color bloomed into her cheeks and she stepped backwards, opening her mouth and ripping the fangs from her canines to toss unceremoniously onto the ground with a huff. "It seemed like a perfect moment and I messed it up because of this horrid costume—I'm so sorry, I'm so humiliated—"

"Sorry," Akko spit out, still laughing. She closed the hand over her mouth into a fist and scraped her teeth against her knuckles. The claws scratched into her palms. "I didn't mean to ruin that."

"It's not your fault," Diana groaned. She reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers, squeezing her eyes shut. Her make-up did nothing to hide the cherry red of rushed blood. "We should… just wait. For when you're not hairy and I'm not bloody and the setting is more… appropriate. I'm so sorry. It was… the punch. I'm sure."

Akko chuckled, reaching up to scratch at the back of her neck, at the hair that was stiff with the near half-can of spray Lotte had put in it. "Let's go back in," she said. "It's cold out here."

She wanted to kiss Diana. Desperately. Every nerve beneath her skin ached for Diana's touch, for her lips, for the warmth of her body. The very idea made her muscles quiver until her bones ached, made her blood run like lava through her veins. But she could wait. She  _would_ wait, because she'd already waited 19 years for the perfect moment, and she knew that moment would come—with Diana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys can thank 1mrhyde for the costume ideas and manedblackwolf for the dream, because that was never going to be there.
> 
> thanks for all your support and comments so far, you guys rule.


	18. I Changed My Mind

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

"I cannot believe you're making me wear thethe fangth," Diana muttered as she stared into her floor-length mirror, curling her upper lip to look at the egregious fake fangs that Hannah had stuck to her canines. They looked incredibly realistic, though she would have really just settled for the plastic slip-on ones. These seemed a bit excessive. Plus, they made it  _very_  hard to speak. "And you altho ruined one of my betht bloutheth."

"Aw, you can afford another," Hannah replied, grinning. Behind her, Barbara was snickering into an open palm as though Diana couldn't clearly see her. "You never wear that one anyway. Besides, you look  _super_ hot. Akko is going to come in her pants when she sees you."

Diana rolled her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. "Firtht, thath very inappropriate. Thecond, ith a Halloween party. Not a modeling competition. But, anyway," her eyes trailed over Hannah and Barbara, who wore matching outfits, "What are you thupothed to be?"

"You wouldn't understand, you're socially repressed and I don't feel like explaining it to you," Hannah muttered. "Watch a movie now and then, would you? We need to get going. At this rate, everyone's going to have drank everything and there will be nothing left."

Diana didn't understand why that should matter to either of the two girls. Both of them had been camped out in the den drinking since early afternoon, anyway. But she shrugged and agreed, mostly because she couldn't wait to see Akko. The other girl hadn't been at the barn earlier—Diana guessed she either went at a different time or likely slept in—and she'd had butterflies at the mere thought of seeing her later in the evening.

She had most certainly forgotten about the conditions of her invitation, so when Jasminka shoved a tiny black plastic cauldron in her hand with two fat gummy worms inside, she'd stared at it and said, "Whath thith?"

Hannah and Barbara laughed behind her. They were having  _way_  too much fun with how she sounded with fangs in her mouth. Akko was going to think she was an absolute idiot. She shot her elbow out and struck Hannah gently, ignoring her overreaction and the comment that she burst out with a moment later.

"Vodka soaked gummy worms," Jasminka had said, raising one eyebrow with amusement as Diana wrapped her fingers around them. "You eat two. Rules of the party. Don't think I forgot. And don't mess with Amanda."

She assumed the last comment was for Hannah. After all, she was here for one reason, and that reason was staring at her. Diana had to suppress a laugh when she saw Akko completely miss her beer with her mouth and dribble it all over the front of her shirt. The other girl thought she was smooth and seemed certain no one saw, so she chose to ignore it.

Besides, Akko looked adorable. The shorter girl was wearing a bulky red plaid flannel that burst in random places with brown fur. It nearly covered her entire neck and her hands from where she'd sewn it around the collar and sleeves. She had on a baggy pair of bleach-stained jeans that she'd clearly torn with a knife, though she'd forgotten to put fur in her pants and instead Diana could see the bare skin of her legs. Her dirty paddock boots were leaving dirt everywhere and Diana winced at the thought of cleaning that up.

Not to mention... the rest of it. Diana held back a smirk. Her brunette hair was in a massive slicked back puff on her head and trailed down over her back and shoulders like some ridiculous rock star. Someone had tried to paint hair and whiskers and a wolf nose on her face with make-up, which altogether wasn't that bad, but Akko had already smeared it in places around one cheek.

Yes, this was the reason she was here. The undeniably cute and very awkward Japanese girl that made her chest throb with emotion.

She just... had to obey this ridiculous rule first. Diana looked back down at the cauldron, frowned, and jammed both of the worms into her mouth at the same time.

"I wouldn't do that!" she heard Akko shrill, but it was too late. The overpowering taste of pure vodka burst through her mouth like she'd swallowed a whole bottle of rubbing alcohol and she slammed her hand over her lips, struggling to keep everything inside as she chewed and swallowed, chewed and swallowed until the fire was surging through her throat and into her chest. When she finally managed to choke it all down, she let out a groan of relief. That was something she  _never_  wanted to experience again. "Dithguthting," she mumbled, shoving the cauldron back onto Jasminka's tray. Akko quickly seized her sleeve and started dragging her away. She didn't mind.

She had to admit, the three Games players did a great job decorating their flat. It was dark and moody, with electric lanterns that flickered on random surfaces, casting comforting glows across the faces of the other equestrians. A fog machine sifted mist across the floor, which rose and lingered in the air around them. Orange and green lights were draped over the walls, framing a massive banner that said  _HAPPY HALLOBIRTHDAY_ JASMINKA.

Honestly, the only bad part was the music. Amanda and Constanze were blasting some sort of dreadful American beats that made her ears hurt.

"What took you so long?" Akko had asked, drawing her attention. They'd stopped on the edge of a small kitchen that was already filthy from a bunch of teenage girls getting drinks. She crossed her arms and leveled Akko with a neutral stare.

"Thorry," she said. "Cothtume." She brought one hand up and waved at herself as she said it.

Before she could even react, Akko's finger was pressing against her mouth. She could feel the edge of something sharp against her upper lip and noticed quickly that Akko had attached some sort of claws over her usually bitten-to-the-quick nails. She shuddered at the touch, her breath catching in her throat.

Akko pushed her lip up and hummed. She analyzed the long fangs that Hannah had put on her for a moment before musing, "Ohhh, you're a vampire," and nodding.

"Unfortunately," Diana replied. Hopefully Akko thought she looked good, but she couldn't really get a feel for it. She raised the corner of her upper lip to show off her fangs and Akko immediately reached out and started touching them again. "Thtop it," she mumbled, swatting the girl's hand away.

An easy grin slid across Akko's face and she stepped back, sipping the beer in her grip. She waved one hand at the rest of the kitchen and asked, "Drink?"

Diana shrugged. "Thure."

There was a concoction of something green in a massive bowl and it was fogging as though it had been placed on dry ice. She didn't altogether trust it, but she just wanted to get something in her hand so she could talk to Akko. She popped open a new bag of plastic cups—she was not about to use the ones that were sitting out—and poured herself a massive ladle-full. She took a sip, cautious with the fangs because they made everything way more difficult than it needed to be, and nodded. Surprisingly, it was pretty good. Tasted like juice, but not overly sweet, and certainly not overly alcoholic. "Kind of good," she said.

She lowered the cup and let her eyes run over Akko. The other girl had the corner of her mouth turned up into a lopsided smile and was looking back at her like she was the best thing she'd seen all evening. Diana felt her heart flutter and smiled back.

"You look cute," she said.

She could see the blush, faint beneath the make-up, as Akko's smile grew. "You... you do, too," she replied. Diana felt her the corner of her mouth quiver upwards. The other girl was staring into her eyes in a way that was making her stomach do jumping jacks. She wanted to stare back into those sparkling crimson eyes all night.

"Worm?"

The voice from beside them jerked her attention away. Jasminka had come to a stop next to them—Diana hadn't even noticed—and was holding out the tray of atrocious worms. Diana stifled a grimace and shook her head. "Abtholutely not," she murmured.

As soon as the Russian girl had walked away, she turned and leaned against the counter next to Akko, as close as she dared. Their arms pressed together and her blood surged at the contact. She took a deep breath, the quiet growing between them despite the noise of their surroundings. It was nice. It felt like it was just the two of them, even with the throng of people surrounding them.

"Thith muthic is dreadful," she mused. She took a sip of her juice—dammit, she forgot the fangs—and swiped away the bit of liquid that dribbled down over her chin. She really hoped Akko hadn't seen that, but in case she did, she added, "Thtupid fangth."

Just then, the entire Dressage team pushed their way by. She felt Akko seize her jacket once more and pull her away. The other girl was guiding her all over the place. Not that she minded. She was out of her element and was grateful to relinquish the control.

"Hey, Diana," Lotte greeted her. Diana could barely hear her over the throb of the music. "How did your show go last weekend?" The smaller redhead was dressed as Belle from Night Fall. She only knew because Barbara was obsessed with that absurd excuse for literature and random volumes constantly littered their flat. Sucy, next to her, was wearing some massive piece of cardboard on her head that was painted red and white. She wasn't entirely certain what it was supposed to be.

Akko said something. She didn't hear it, though her lungs pulsed with a shaky breath at the grin she was looking up at her with. "It went well. Thank you for athking."

"You sound funny," Cardboard Head said.

She rolled her eyes, ignoring whatever came next, and pointed to her fangs before glancing back at Akko. She had to get away for a minute—just a brief moment by herself, because the crowd of people was really making her uncomfortable—and so she held out her cup for Akko to take and dismissed herself.

"Where's your washroom?" she asked Constanze, having to yell a bit over the music. The small German pointed down the hallway and Diana followed her finger, twisting and turning around people she knew and barely recognized, to find a door cracked with the light on. She slid inside and shut it, locking it behind her, before collapsing against the sink with a deep sigh. She wished she could spend time with Akko alone and not in a place that made her temples throb, but Akko seemed to be enjoying herself and that was all that mattered. Besides, she would have alone time with Akko on Wednesday. She felt herself smiling at the thought as she raised her eyes to stare into the mirror, at the white make-up that Hannah had smeared over her face in a thin layer, at the dark circles around her eyes that made her look pale and sick. One thing was for certain, she  _did_  look like a vampire.

She could hear the music beneath the door, the distant laughing and chatting of friends, and she let her eyes shut as she gathered her composure. Being with Akko was both easy and hard. Easy because she felt so comfortable and at home, hard because she wanted so badly just to  _touch_ her. To hold her hand while Akko talked to other people and Diana ignored everything and just enjoyed the soft fingers in her own. To wrap an arm around her waist and sink into her side. To pull her into a corner and kiss her, soft and sweet.

But they weren't there yet. And that was okay. She was enjoying the ride.

After a few moments, probably much longer moments than she intended, she pulled open the door and went back into the fray.

Akko was nowhere to be found. Luckily, Lotte knew what she was looking for—Diana was never one to be discreet, even if Akko would have tried to argue—and had said, "She's outside," and thumbed to the balcony where she could barely make out the shape of three figures through the dark glass.

The cold night air hit her like a wall of ice as she opened the door. Barbara was pressed against Akko's ear. The Japanese girl looked thoroughly disconcerted and was leaning away. Her eyes found Diana's with a silent scream that said, " _Help me_." Hannah was looking equally guilty of something.

"What exthactly are you doing with her?" Diana asked. Akko took the opportunity to free herself from the black-haired girls grasp and backed away to seize her beer.

"Nothing," Hannah said, though her voice told Diana that it was certainly not nothing. She seized Barbara's arm and disappeared back into the warm flat, leaving Diana and Akko to stand alone in the cold.

Diana would be sure to question them about that, later.

"Were they bothering you?" She brought her gaze to meet Akko's. She could see her drink sitting on a small table behind the other girl and reached around her, letting her arm press against the waist of her flannel, before pulling back and taking a sip.

Akko breathed a small, "No."

But she looked uncomfortable. Diana couldn't tell if it was the fact that they were alone, something that she  _terribly_ wanted and hoped Akko did too, or something that Hannah or Barbara had said. Her roommates were great friends, but Diana knew how upfront and abrasive they could be at times. "Are you alright?" she asked at last.

"Uh, yes," Akko said, though her voice was weak and a little shaky. "Why wouldn't I be?"

She stepped back, feeling the cold metal of the railing hit her waist, and let her eyes run over Akko as she sipped her drink thoughtfully. There wasn't much left, so she polished it off and set the cup down.

Akko was shaking. Diana didn't know if it was the cold or the same reason that  _she_ was shaking. She felt her entire body sigh as she reached forward and pressed a finger against Akko's temple, against the cold skin, and let a thumb drag affectionately over her face. "You theem nervouth," she said, moving closer. "And you're thyaking."

She felt a haze in her vision as she studied Akko's face and the wide, bright red eyes that were staring back at her. Unconsciously, her gaze fell to pale, chapped lips that were slightly parted and felt her eyelids grow heavy with desire. She wanted so badly to cover those cold lips with her own, to finally feel Akko kissing her back. Though, the other girl had hinted that she'd never had a girlfriend, and that meant maybe she'd never been kissed-

Diana wanted it to be perfect. Memorable. For both Akko  _and_ her.

But it was a cold night, and they were alone on a balcony with the throb of music and the jagged pulse of the Exeter cityscape behind them, and she figured now would be as good a time as any.

"You look like you're going to eat me," Akko said quietly. Her eyes shifted nervously as a gentle laugh slipped through her lips.

Diana's fingers fell, trailing down the side of Akko's cold face, her neck, and she felt herself leaning in. She threaded her fingers through her brunette hair, pushing it from her shoulder and over her back, as she dipped her mouth to the girl's neck. She didn't know what she was thinking—maybe that since she was a vampire it was appropriate—but it didn't seem  _wrong_ to tease a little. "Maybe I am," she whispered, opening her mouth and letting the tip of one her fangs brush against her skin.

"Diana?" she heard Akko say. She looked up.

Her eyes found Akko's lips once more and she took a shaky breath, her gaze switching between clouded red eyes and the lips that were inches from her own, and felt her skin tingling with the urge to just  _do_  it.

"What would you do," she felt herself say, closing the gap between them, "if I kithed you right now?"

But she didn't meet the soft lips she desired. She didn't meet the pressure of Akko kissing her back. She didn't feel the rush of emotion that she knew would consume her.

No, she met laughter.

She pulled back in confusion, one eyebrow raised.

"I don't know," Akko said, laughing hysterically into her hand. "What would I do if you  _kithed_ me?"

"Bloody hell." Diana squeezed her eyes shut, feeling a hot blush rage into her cheeks in embarrassment. She opened her mouth and felt for the fangs, ripping them from her teeth with two quick pops before throwing them onto the ground. They ruined a perfectly good moment and she would be  _sure_  to let Hannah know that later. Nix that, no she wouldn't, because then she would have to relive this moment that she  _absolutely, one-hundred-percent, wanted to wipe from her mind forever._

"It seemed like a perfect moment and I messed it up because of this horrid costume," she groaned, her tongue foreign and struggling against the natural feel of her teeth. "I'm so sorry. I'm so humiliated-"

"Sorry." Akko was still laughing, bent over with the shake of her shoulders. "I didn't mean to ruin that."

"It's not your fault," she moaned. She pinched the bridge of her nose and grimaced. It had been stupid, anyway. They'd both been drinking and who knew how much Akko'd had. For all Diana knew, she might just be able to present herself well when she might not even  _remember_  the next day. She'd let her own impulse take control. "We should... just wait. For when you're not hairy and I'm not bloody and the setting is more... appropriate. I'm so sorry. It was... the punch." It wasn't. In fact, Diana was starting to think it wasn't even alcoholic. "I'm sure."

"Let's go back in," Akko had said after a moment, still choking on her own amusement. "It's cold out here."

And so she followed Akko once more, resigning herself to the stab of embarrassment that would dwell throughout the night, and instead tried to think about what it would be like to finally kiss Akko—for real.

* * *

 

 

> _Akko 01:01_
> 
> _thanks for coming tonight ^_^_
> 
> _and sorry you had to neuter yourself_
> 
> _(vampire joke)_
> 
> _(get it)_

It was late and Diana had only just climbed into bed after scrubbing her face for an insane amount of time. Whatever make-up Hannah had used on her, it had taken  _forever_  to get off of her skin. The sheets felt cool and refreshing against her bare legs and she sighed into the comfort of peace and silence. Her temples throbbed a little from the abundance of noise, but overall she felt fine. In fact, she was still convinced that the punch had no alcohol in it. She'd asked Sucy, who had just smirked and said, "Wouldn't you like to know?" before walking off.

She pulled little Beatrix into her chest, burying her nose into the yarn and breathing deep, before picking up her mobile and texting Akko back. The other girl had stopped drinking after her last beer—she was reserved about it, something that Diana very much admired—and had chosen instead to drink bottled water.

 

> _Diana 01:03_
> 
> _It was my pleasure, thank you for inviting me._
> 
> _Minus the neutering._
> 
> _Are you back to your dormitory?_

Hannah and Barbara were still out. Instead, Akko had walked her the two blocks home from Amanda's flat. It had been cold and Diana's teeth had chattered all the way home, but Akko had placed her hand gently on her elbow and tightened her fingers around her jacket, which had brought some warmth if not purely for the knowledge that the other girl was so close. Akko had left her on her doorstep with a brief hug, a quiet goodnight, and a lopsided smile, her face flushed from the chill of the night, before rushing off across campus to her own dorm.

 

> _Akko 01:03_
> 
> _yes_
> 
> _im freezing_
> 
> _come warm?_

Diana felt heat flooding through her body and grinned into little Beatrix's soft body.

 

> _Diana 10:04_
> 
> _You could have asked 15 minutes ago._
> 
> _Akko 10:04_
> 
> _:3_
> 
> _Diana 10:04_
> 
> _Or you could have just stayed here._

Even though she knew Akko would never have accepted that offer.

She rolled over onto her other side, pulling her plushie close and wishing it was Akko that she was holding onto. What she would have given to bury her face into the other girl's soft hair, to pull her into her arms and fall asleep in her warmth. She sighed, her eyelids heavy with sleep.

 

> _Akko 10:08_
> 
> _i'm falling asleep_

Diana was, too. It was hard to keep her eyes open. It was way past the time she normally went to bed, hours actually, and just staying up to type the last message was hard-

She didn't finish. She drifted off, comfortable in her own bed with little Beatrix folded tight into her arms, and woke up to a half-typed message that she'd never sent. She hit send.

 

> _Diana 08:52_
> 
> _Goodnight, Atsuko Kagari_

And laughed at the response.

 

> _Akko 9:37_
> 
> _better late than never?_

* * *

She had a show the upcoming weekend, which she was  _greatly_  looking forward to purely for the fact that Akko would be there. The Japanese girl didn't have a Games competition until the weekend after, and so she'd committed, once again, to riding in the Pony Jumper division.

She had two things to look forward to. Both involving Akko. Both in the same week.

She grinned at the other girl as she strode down the center lane on Beatrix. Akko had been practicing games and had just vaulted onto Chariot's back at a full gallop, but not without making eye contact with Diana and throwing a thumbs up in the process. In her other hand, she gripped something that she dunked in a bucket halfway down the lane with a whirl of her arm.

Show-off.

"I don't understand how they do that," Barbara said from where she was walking on Belle at her side. "That's insane. If I tried to do that, I'm pretty sure Belle would swim to North America."

"She probably would," Hannah muttered, leaning back in the saddle and patting Cello on the hindquarters. The chestnut gelding was tired from the conditioning they'd done—Miss Meridies wasn't there, so they'd been on their own—and was still blowing a little bit as they walked towards the stables. "No offense, but your mare is afraid of everything."

Barbara shrugged. "None taken. I know. Don't I, you big baby?" she cooed, affectionately patting the black mare on the neck. Belle snorted a response and dipped her head down, her massive ears flopping to the side.

"I will say-" Hannah looked over at the Games team, at Akko who was doing some very goofy poses on top of Chariot to make Diana laugh. "-that I really do like her."

Diana swiveled her gaze to her two teammates, the residual smile from Akko still flitting across her lips, and said, "You do?"

"Yeah," Barbara agreed, clucking to Belle when the young mare tried to wander over to the fence to watch the ponies, "She's nice. And doesn't seem manipulative and condescending, like You-Know-Who."

Diana nodded, pensive as she reached down and scratched the side of Beatrix's withers, and relaxed into the saddle. She'd known neither of her friends had ever liked Chloe, so it felt really nice that they felt the way they did about Akko. "She's... pretty great," she replied after a moment, unable to hide the smile that grew on her lips. She rolled her hips with Beatrix's elongated walk, staring pointedly down at the wispy black hairs of her mare's mane, a soft blush working its way into her cheeks.

Hannah was smirking and shooting a quiet look at Barbara, who tried to hide her own smile. "What do you have planned for tomorrow?"

Diana shrugged and glanced back up at her teammates. "I found a nice ramen bar downtown. It's owned by a Japanese couple-"

"Ooh, I've been there!" Barbara said. "It's so good!"

Diana chuckled, twisting the leather reins in her gloved fingers, and threw a final glance at Akko and her teammates. "That's good to hear. I figured we could get some drinks at the Flying Melon after that."

The Flying Melon was the bar that Diana was _originally_ going to take Akko to. It was small and quaint, family-owned and very different from the pubs that lined University Row. The drinks were pricey, sure, but they were worth it, and she figured Akko would find something she would like there with the vast selection. She was excited, really—first she'd get to share something that was more Akko's style, then they'd get to go to one of her favorite places.

Though, they wouldn't be able to stay out late. They both had a class at eight the next morning, Diana with Organic Chemistry and Akko with Clinical Psychology, and so their night would have to end early. That was okay.

There would be another. She hoped.

She had hooked Beatrix in the cross-ties and was running her hands down the mare's legs in her usual post-workout check when the sound of multiple horses clopping down the aisles echoed through the stable. She rose, running her palm across her horse's sleek, muscular shoulders just as the familiar pony and rider pair stopped right in front of her.

"How was your ride?"

She glanced up to see Akko with her arm slung over Chariot's neck. Her face was flushed from the cold, tan breeches speckled from the sand that she'd kicked up from running and vaulting for the better part of the night. A loose brunette ponytail draped over the front of her shoulder and her helmet strap hung, unbuckled, at her neck. Chariot was still puffing a little bit but seemed cooled out altogether. Her mane looked much better, carefully pulled and thinned to just a couple of inches from where Diana had spent time the previous night (her fingers were still sore, but it was okay, because she'd gotten to be with Akko) and her veins bulged from the close cut of the trace clip that had been carved beneath her neck and barrel.

"It went well," Diana replied, threading her fingers through Beatrix's mane by her withers and smiling at the pair. Games Akko was one of her favorite Akkos. The sport seemed to make the girl radiate with joy and the mare at her side just wrapped up the picture into something so adorable it was hard to resist. Diana passed a hand through her messy blonde ponytail and pressed one toe of her paddock boot into Beatrix's front hoof. "How was practice?"

"Good." Akko nodded with emphasis, teeth clamping down on her bottom lip and rolling it slowly. Her crimson eyes passed over Beatrix and Diana one more time before the corner of her mouth cricked up in a half-smile and she said, "Alright. Well, see you later. Or tomorrow. I... can't wait for tomorrow." A red tinge flared in Akko's cheeks and she looked down at her own boots.

Diana could feel her own blush easing into her face and she looked away, smiling, and said, "I can't, either."

She watched as the girl turned and walked off down the aisle, the ever obedient chestnut mare following at her heels, and turned back to Beatrix with a pat to the neck. She'd wrapped up her daily inspection and had found no heat or anything concerning, aside from the little bit of seasonal thrush in her hooves that she'd treated with some iodine, and so her very content horse was ready to go back into her stall.

Diana was wrapping things up and getting ready to head out, dusting a few pieces of hay from her body after dumping a few flakes into the feeder, when she heard the familiar rhythm of footsteps approaching from the hallway. She looked toward the stall door, placing one hand on Beatrix's barrel as the mare shifted and began nibbling at her hay, to see Akko.

Wordlessly, the girl undid the latch of the stall and sidled inside. Her face and neck were nearly as red as her eyes and she was still in her helmet and half-chaps. That wasn't uncommon for Akko—she always liked to take care of her mare before herself—and so it wasn't an odd sight in the least.

What was odd, though, was the hungry and determined look in her eyes as she lifted her gaze to meet Diana's.

Everything happened before Diana could even think to begin processing a reaction.

Akko reached up and tugged her helmet off, throwing her hand out and dropping it to let it thump against the cedar of Beatrix's bedding, and passed a hand over her wild hair. She stepped forward. Her tongue darted out of her mouth to wet her lips and she inhaled deeply before saying:

"I changed my mind. I really can't wait any longer."

And closed the gap.

In an instant—in one single instant that had Diana reeling from the tremor of her heart as it lurched against the front of her chest—Akko snaked her hand around Diana's neck and their lips crashed together. Her own arm fell from Beatrix on impulse and she wrapped herself around Akko's waist, her blood surging and coursing in hot, burning waves under her skin, and pulled her in. She squeezed her eyes shut just as a surprised breath burst from her nostrils at the sudden sensation of soft, warm lips against her own.

Akko was kissing her, and it wasn't a dream.

No, this was real—so beautifully, perfectly real—and Diana let herself melt into it without another thought.

She felt Akko whimper into her lips after a moment and she pulled slowly away, panting heavily from both the surprise and the catastrophic disaster that was the state of her lungs, her heart, and, hell, the rest of her body, and felt the skin of their lips tickle against each other.

Diana could feel Akko's lips part against her own and knew the girl wanted to say something. She wanted to, too, but she didn't know what and her mind was a haze so instead she leaned forward and captured her in a kiss once more, an explosion of desire sending blast waves through her gut.

Finally, Akko fell away. Her breath came shallow as she raised her ruby eyes to meet Diana's, her fingers slipping from the back of her neck to press against the front of her shoulder. She blinked slowly and took a deep breath before saying-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise!! have a good weekend ok i'm gonna go play subnautica bye


	19. First Date

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

"Wow," was all Akko could think to say. The word slipped from between her lips in a breathy exhale and she let her heavy eyelids flicker open to gaze into the bright blue that were staring back at her. She could feel herself trembling in the other girl's arms, but she didn't care. Diana's breath coasted over her lips and cheeks, warm and shaky, and the hands wrapped around her waist only tightened their grip.

She would have asked if it had been okay—after all, she'd never kissed anyone before—but she didn't think it was necessary. It had been more than okay. It had been  _amazing_. Her lips still tingled with the shock of the connection and she ran her thumb gently over the back of Diana's neck, savoring the moment, savoring every last second that she had just experienced.

"I..." One of Diana's hands fell away. She brought it up to the side of Akko's face, gloved fingers that smelled of leather and horse pressing against her cheek. "I can agree with that sentiment."

The idea of kissing Diana had not left her mind since Saturday night, since the moment the other girl had said they should wait, that the moment should be perfect, that the setting should be appropriate. She'd been mulling her idea of the perfect scenario, passing thought after thought through her mind like a movie reel, until she had come to a decision:

She didn't care.

What would a perfect moment be but an unreasonable expectation? And what was perfect, anyway? None of it mattered to her. All she knew was that she wanted Diana's lips on hers. Just the idea of kissing the other girl would be perfect and she  _knew_  that, so why should she have to wait another moment when she knew Diana wanted it, too? Diana may have been plans and expectations and standards, but Akko was not. Akko lived by impulse. She acted on whim. She coasted through life on a wing and a prayer and the hope that, maybe, things would turn out just fine.

Though, she had to admit, the decision had not been met with any kind of clarity.

It wasn't until she had stopped in front of Diana and Beatrix in the cross-ties. Diana was standing there just the way Akko had first seen her, the way Akko had come to know her. Messy, tired, in somewhat dirty riding gear and tending to her horse as though that was all that mattered. Though Akko could appreciate Diana dressed up for the night in the latest fashion, or in a costume that made her breath stutter, or, kuso, half naked dancing to Hayley Kiyoko... nothing compared to the first Diana that she'd seen. The Diana who inspected her mare like she was made of glass, the Diana who had adjusted Chariot's lumbar, the Diana who mucked her own stall and hummed while she groomed Beatrix when she thought no one was paying attention.

She would have given all her limbs to kiss every single one of those Dianas, but in that moment, she knew which one she wanted to kiss first.

So when she'd told Diana that she couldn't wait for the next day, that she couldn't wait for their date, she realized, all at once, that she couldn't wait at  _all._ And she didn't want to. As she walked away from Diana, listening to the steady rhythm of Chariot's shoes on the ground as she plodded along behind her, the courage that she'd been stoking for days suddenly consumed her in a raging desire to act.

She had put Chariot in her stall and ripped her tack off her in a hurry—Chariot didn't care, she was a pony and supper was waiting in her corner bucket—and tossed it without ceremony onto her tack trunk before storming back to Diana. But she wasn't in the cross-ties any longer, and so she re-routed with a huff to Beatrix's stall.

And found her.

Akko had tossed her helmet to the ground—she'd completely forgotten she was still wearing it—and moved before she could even think to stop herself. She'd said something, though if anybody asked she wouldn't have been able to repeat it, and she experienced a fleeting moment of hesitation but she fought it off and instead met Diana's lips with her own.

Diana had kissed her back. Where Akko faltered with inexperience, Diana had gently guided her forward, had led her without pressure beneath soft lips that sparked into her own with that same flame that was engulfing Akko's insides.

She had been nervous that she would be bad. That she would mess it up. She should have known that Diana would carry her forward. She should have known that Diana wouldn't let her fail. After all, Diana had already proven at every turn that she wouldn't let Akko fail at anything.

So all Akko could think to say was, "Wow."

What else  _was_  there to say?

Diana was holding her eyes with glimmering blue and Akko leaned into the hand that had come to cup the side of her face. She could hear Beatrix contentedly munching her hay at their side, her hoof stamping into the soft cedar bedding, the gentle snorts of approval with each bite.

"Can we do that again?" Akko heard herself ask.

For a moment she wanted to mentally chide herself for saying that, but Diana just laughed and said, "Okay," and so then she decided that what she'd said was  _good_ , because Diana tilted her chin and kissed her again, and she once again got to melt into that blissful feeling of sharing something so intimate with somebody that she liked so much.

When they broke apart a few seconds later, Akko didn't bother to hold back the grin that bolted across her face at the sight of Diana, red-faced but smiling all the same, looking back at her.

"Okay," Akko said, offering a resolute nod as she rocked back onto her heels. "I... will see you tomorrow?"

She didn't really give Diana a chance to respond. Instead, she had turned, plucked her discarded helmet up off the ground (thanking everything that it hadn't landed in a pile of manure) and slid from the stall.

In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best call to just kiss Diana and then leave like that. She probably should have said something sentimental, or something insightful, or something sweet and nice. But she could think about all the could-haves and should-haves later, because her mind could only handle a single mind-blowing scenario at a time, and for now it was settled on the fact that she had just kissed Diana Cavendish.

* * *

The football team was out practicing again, but for once Akko wasn't staring at them. In her humble opinion, they could keep their muscular calves and bulging quads and... well, everything else that was really nice, because the most gorgeous girl at Luna Nova (again, in her humble opinion) was taking her on a date that night. Plus, she'd let Akko kiss her, which was something that made Akko lift her hand and touch her lips every time she thought about it.

All the regret—well, not regret, maybe insecurity, because Akko  _certainly_  didn't regret a single part of kissing Diana—had hit her the previous night after she'd made it back to her dormitory and proceeded to roll around on her bed grinning like a kid on Christmas Day for a  _very_  long time. She realized that she hadn't asked Diana and gotten her consent first and maybe it had seemed okay but wasn't-

But Diana had messaged her and made all that worry go away.

> _Diana 8:39_
> 
> _Are you sure you've never kissed anybody before?_

Akko had squealed into her pillow (quietly, because she hadn't told her roommates anything yet) and replied with:

> _Akko 8:39_
> 
> _well I cant say that anymore_

And they'd texted back and forth like normal for the rest of the night until Diana sent her last message, which was:

> _Diana 10:29_
> 
> _See you tomorrow, cutie._

Diana had called her 'cutie'.  _Diana Cavendish had called her 'cutie'_ and if it wasn't for the prospect of future kisses and a forthcoming date, Akko probably would have rolled over and died right there.

But Akko very much wanted a date and future kisses, so she had valiantly decided to continue on in the act of survival.

The day was cold, which made her mouth dry and her lungs ache, but she ran anyway, because Games didn't stop for the weather and, by that sentiment, neither did Akko. Her sneakers echoed a monotonous rhythm against the track as she focused on the music filtering into her ears and idea of how the night would go racing through her mind. Sweat trickled down her chest and into her sports bra, down her back, dripped from the hair at her temples. But she kept running, because the thoughts were nice and they distracted her from the stab of exhaustion.

She'd had crushes before. Many times, in fact, though never any with the gravity of the way she felt about Diana. Her other crushes had been mostly physical and from afar and she would have settled just to be  _near_  the girl that was the object of her affection. But Diana was different. Akko wanted to share everything with Diana, to bring her as much happiness as the other girl brought her, to touch her and kiss her and curl up in her arms in warm silence. And she didn't know if it was different because the other girl actually returned her feelings or if Diana, as a whole, was simply different altogether.

Though she didn't dwell too much on it, because she didn't want to think too hard about something that made her feel so good. With knowledge came understanding, and with understanding came second guessing, and with second guessing came third guessing... or something like that.

All she knew was that she  _very_  much liked Diana Cavendish.

And so she kept running.

She kept running because Diana lit her mind with the warm glow of promise.

She kept running because she had finally found something that made her feel like she belonged.

She kept running because, for the first time in her life, she felt like she wasn't running  _from_  something.

* * *

The drink she was holding in her hand was probably the most fancy thing she had seen in her life, and she had seen a  _lot_  of fancy things back in Japan.

It was pink and tasted like spicy strawberries, in a glass that had been blown so thin she thought it would shatter beneath her fingers, and a skewer of berries that Akko was currently nibbling off a long plastic sword.

Diana, next to her, had her usual. A gin and tonic, though she'd asked for some kind of gin that Akko had never heard of, but when she looked down at the menu it was the most expensive one and she briefly wondered how in the world Diana could ever afford to spend that much on a single drink. But then she very quickly remembered that the girl was an heiress to one of the most successful veterinary practices in the world and she felt a little less bad that her own drink had costed 12 pounds, even though it was the cheapest one on the menu.

The bar was also  _very_  fancy. And modern. String lights draped from wall to wall to hang delicately from the ceiling. A massive chandelier made from what looked like recycled metal and a variety of different shaped bulbs adorned the center of the small building. Each table was small and intimate with a tiny candle in the middle, but Diana had said she'd wanted to sit at the bar, which was an aquarium. Not a fake one. It was a real, actual aquarium that had a variety of colorful coral and tropical fish swimming happily inside. Akko assumed that the glass was heavily reinforced so that people like her didn't break it, but she was careful to only put her drink on her bar napkin and tried very hard not to lean on the bar too hard. Or kick it. Or fall. Or... pull any kind of Akko mishap, for that matter.

Diana had said it was one of her favorite bars in Exeter. Akko could see why. The place was  _nice_  and there weren't any rowdy students spilling beer or yelling over football. In fact, there wasn't a television, just some really pleasant music that sounded French. And there weren't many people at all—it was Halloween and most people were at bars or parties—and so they got to enjoy the festive glow of tasteful lights and seasonal decorations with only a few others.

Akko had been worried about dinner, because Diana had texted her and told her to not eat before they went out. She hadn't tried much traditional English food, or, really, tried much in the way of European food at  _all_  since she'd moved to England, and was worried about having to eat something that would make her stomach feel heavy and sick.

But Diana had taken her to a ramen bar and the owners had even come out to speak to them—in Japanese to Akko, no less—and it had honestly been some of the best ramen that she'd ever eaten in her life. Even Diana had seemed to like it, though at first she hadn't been really keen on it and was hesitant to start eating.

And if Akko had been worried about things being awkward, her fears were misplaced, because Diana was just as easy to be around as always and had carried the conversation in a way that made things comfortable and... well, just the same as before Akko had barged into Beatrix's stall and kissed her.

"You could have gotten whatever you wanted, you know," Diana said as she sipped her drink and raised a platinum eyebrow at her. "They have beer as well."

Akko shrugged, one finger tracing over the bar as she followed a large angelfish swimming through some pink coral. "Meh, I like to take risks," she replied. She glanced back to Diana, flashing a smile as she shoved her glass forward. "It's actually really good. Try it."

She watched as Diana raised the glass to her lips and took a tiny sip before setting it back on the napkin. Her expression remained neutral, though she said, "That's a bit sweet for my taste."

"Ha. Got that secondhand kiss, though." Akko grinned as she took her drink back, careful not to slosh it around, and ignored the blush that worked its way into her cheeks.

Diana's face turned red, too, but she didn't look away. Instead, she leaned in and planted a chaste kiss against the corner of Akko's mouth and said, "Have a firsthand one, then, too."

Cue fireworks going off in Akko's gut. Her face lit into flames as she turned away and stared pointedly at all the fish that darted around beneath and in front of them. They wove in and out of artificial decorations and live seaweed and coral, flashing by in colorful bursts. Akko rubbed her fingers above the glass and giggled when they all came over to see if they were being fed.

"That one's my favorite," Diana said, pointing across the bar to a very large and very overweight seahorse. Akko eyed it for a moment, watching as it flapped its little fins and drifted stupidly in a circle, and a snort from the effort of trying to hold in a laugh burst through her nostrils. She covered her mouth with a closed fist, feeling Diana's blue eyes studying the side of her face, and looked over. Diana took a drink of her gin and tonic, clearly trying to hide an amused half-smile that was tugging at her lips. "What's so funny? Watch. It's very graceful."

Akko let her eyes fall on the seahorse. He was sideways, his tail wrapped around a piece of seaweed, its round mouth flapping as it drifted upside down and spun in every single direction in an effort to just stay in one place. It looked like the dumbest fish she'd ever seen, so she couldn't figure out for the life of her why it was Diana's favorite-

She felt Diana's hand moving over her thigh in a slow but deliberate movement. Soft fingers slid into her own and she took a deep breath and let her red eyes move back to Diana. The other girl had her chin propped in the heel of her hand and was smirking at her, thumb tracing a soft pattern over the back of Akko's hand. Her hair waved around her face, pale cheeks dusted with red, though her blue eyes were unwavering as they gazed back into Akko's own.

Akko bit down on her bottom lip to force down a wide smile and let her fingers fold into Diana's, let her own calloused skin press into equally rough palms that were the inevitable result of riding, and tightened her grip. The connection made her heart surge into action, made her jaw tense with the ache of emotion. Her breath stuttered in her throat and she said, "That one's my favorite, now, too."

They held hands as they walked through the city, through the old brick paths that lined downtown Exeter, through the narrow streets of artsy shops and pubs. Akko's breath filtered into the cold air before her in clouds and the chill of oncoming winter bit into her heavy red coat, but the warm hand in her own made her feel like she was sitting in front of a fireplace. The streetlights bathed them in a cozy orange glow and, though there were others around, she felt like it was just her and Diana. She leaned into the taller girl, content and at ease despite the absolute chaos that was reeking havoc on the inside of her body, and sighed.

"Did you have a good time?" Diana asked as they walked. They were nearing University Row and Akko could hear the laughter and shouts of drunk students that were outside of bars smoking or walking home for the night. Ahead, she could see the dark shadows of the Luna Nova buildings rising against the night sky. A man in a dark hoodie with a ski mask pulled up over his head and loud music filtering from cheap earbuds strode quickly by, leading a small terrier in a bee costume that strained to sniff at their legs as he passed.

"Yes," Akko said. She turned her gaze up to Diana, whose cheeks and nose were pink from the cold, and smiled. "Did... did you?"

Diana's stride faltered and she stopped on the corner of Main street, her fingers tightening their grip on Akko's hand as she pulled her in. Her other hand closed against the shoulder of Akko's heavy coat and she leaned down. The man with the terrier rounded the corner and kept walking.

Akko met her halfway, feeling her body relax into Diana's. Her lips were cold but soft, moving slowly against her own in a way that seemed hesitant but strained, like she was fighting the desire for more—and maybe she was, because Akko knew that  _she_  was, too. She brought one hand up to Diana's face and slid her cold fingers over an equally cold cheek, threading into blonde hair as she stretched up on her toes to be level with the blonde and kissed back.

She didn't want it to end. She had decided the previous night that she  _never_  wanted it to end, that she wanted to just keep kissing Diana until it wasn't physically possible to do it anymore. But Diana pulled away, the vapors of her breath fogging into the cold night and drifting between them, and murmured a breathless, "Yes."

Akko couldn't stop the grin that flashed across her face, dimpling her cold cheeks. A car pulled up next to them and stopped at the sign, its signal flashing a yellow beacon across the side of Diana's face, before turning.

"Would you... like to come over for a bit?" Diana asked when the car had disappeared down the street. Her ears were red above her scarf and her tongue darted from between her lips to wet them as she searched Akko's reaction.

Akko didn't hesitate, because she didn't want the night to come to a close. So she quickly, without missing a beat, said, "Sure."

She had seen the outside of Diana's row house the night she walked her home from Jasminka's party, but she had never been inside. It was dark in the foyer and Diana flicked on a lamp on a table near the front door, which held a few articles of mail, random sets of keys, a crop, and a pair of riding gloves. The other girl shimmied out of her scarf and coat and placed both on a rack, holding out a hand for Akko to give over her own. Akko had stared at the open hand for a moment, confused, before realizing what she was asking and slid out of her own red coat for Diana to hang it.

The front hallway opened up into a massive, modern kitchen with glistening marble counter tops and stainless steel appliances. There was a large fridge that held only two items: a copy of the 2018-2019 Hunter/Jumper show schedule, and an invitation to a wedding that was addressed to Barbara.

The kitchen was open, dark brown tiles morphing into the shining hardwood of the living area. They had a massive flat screen television that hung on one wall, a PlayStation 4, a few controllers set on top of a glass coffee table. A slightly cracked leather recliner in the corner beside an old looking floor lamp, one of the most comfortable looking sectionals Akko had ever seen. The place was decorated modestly but tastefully, and Akko suddenly felt like she was in the presence of someone who was a much better adult than she was.

"Where are Hannah and Barbara?" she mused, noting how dark the house was and how Diana turned on lights everywhere she went.

"Drink?" Diana had asked at the same time.

Akko nodded. The blonde opened the fridge and pulled out two bottles of Harp, popping the tops off both and handing one to Akko. Akko blinked down at the beer—she hadn't pegged Diana for carrying something cheap like the type she drank—and took a sip.

"They went out tonight. Halloween party at Last Wednesday." Diana replied. She made her way into the living room and sat down on the sectional, placing her beer on the coffee table and smoothing her cream-colored jumper with the palm of her hand. Akko hesitated before following, clutching the cold bottle in her hand to ease the sudden nerves that flared at the thought of being alone with Diana in her flat.

"Oh," she said, and drank her beer. She could feel Diana's eyes on her, watching her, and the fire in her blood told her to keep drinking, so she did.

"You're going to choke on that." Diana chuckled.

Diana was so close that their thighs pressed together. Her hand fell, gently and quietly, to Akko's knee before coasting over the top of her thigh. Akko squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed hard, lowering her beer as she leveled her red eyes with blue. "What... uh... what do you want to do?" Akko croaked, even though she had some idea.

"This," Diana whispered. Her eyelids were heavy over clouded blue eyes as she leaned in and pressed her lips against Akko's, fingers tightening their grip on her thigh as the other hand raised to her neck. Akko could feel soft, still cold fingers threading through her hair, pulling her in hard as Diana molded into her with a sharp intake of air.

She was going to self combust.

She pushed back but Diana was stronger, holding her to the back of the couch as she kissed her with all the desire that she had been holding back on the corner of the street. It wasn't long before Akko was gasping for air each time their lips parted, and each time Diana took a breath before diving back in. It was different—different from the barn and the bar and the cold outdoors—but it was not unwelcome. She felt her body responding instantly, arcing up into Diana's as a muffled moan slid from the back of her throat.

It was like her dreams. But real. This was real.

Her heart throbbed against her chest and she breathed out hard through her nose.

She felt Diana's tongue slide out of her mouth and coast over her bottom lip and whimpered. It was something new and entirely different that set her core on fire with lust and she wanted to do that, too. She wanted to emulate the way Diana was kissing her because she didn't know any better, and so she hesitantly opened her mouth and let her own tongue meet Diana's and-

Kuso.

By the time Diana had broken away she was breathing heavily and felt like a jumbled mess of nerves and emotions. But Diana didn't leave for long. Instead, she wrapped her hands around the beer bottle in Akko's hand and set it down onto the coffee table before swinging her leg around to straddle her waist.

Akko's eyes widened at the feeling of Diana's knees pressing up into the back of the couch beside her hips. Diana seized the sides of her head and pulled her forward, clashing their lips together in a tangle of teeth and tongue, and arced her hips forward.

Kuso.

No.

 _Fuck_.

"Is this okay?" Diana breathed, her lips pulling away with a string of saliva and a heavy gasp. Akko could feel the other girl's chest pulsing with a rapid heartbeat and felt some relief at knowing she wasn't the only one who was exploding from the inside out.

"Yes," Akko gasped, snaking her arms around Diana's waist and pulling her in closer. Their lips collided once more in a discordant rhythm of pants and quiet moans, of warm breath ghosting over cheeks and hands lingering for fear of moving anywhere they shouldn't. Akko felt no pressure, just desire and the familiar rush of adrenaline that she got any time she was with Diana, and so she fought to match the other girl stride for stride with each move, each touch, each gasp for air. Diana's experience was hard to keep up with, but she was determined to try.

She didn't know how they ended up laying on the couch—either Diana had pushed her or she had pulled Diana down—but soon the weight of Diana was on top of her and the silent house was nothing but a chorus of desperate pants and grunts of effort as their hips met and rolled together with each messy kiss. Akko felt all over the place. Her lips were everywhere, sliding over Diana's, missing completely, catching teeth and the edge of a bottom lip. But Diana didn't seem to mind. Her mouth trailed down, across the side of Akko's jaw, onto the soft canvas of her neck-

Akko gasped and arched up, her eyes squeezing shut at the feeling of Diana's tongue and lips working over her pulse point, and let her fingers grip the cream jumper as she let the new sensation take hold. The breathy moans so close to her ear made her core ache and throb and she knew she would be in trouble if she didn't stop it soon.

But she didn't have to, because the sound of the key in the lock sent both of them scattering like cockroaches in the light to opposite ends of the couch, both red-faced and panting and fighting to fix disheveled clothes and hair as Barbara and Hannah walked in mid-conversation.

"Oh, hey Akko," Barbara said. Akko turned away, meeting Diana's eyes and watching the other girl's nostrils flare in an effort to catch her breath, and tried to conceal her own red face.

"Didn't mean to interrupt," Hannah joked, throwing something hard down on the kitchen counter. The sound of keys clattering together rang through the flat as she dropped them on the entry table. "I know you're lesbians, but damn, first date's a little too soon to make babies, isn't it?"

" _Hannah!_ " Diana scolded.

Diana's face was a bright, crimson red and Akko was pretty sure hers was no better. She pulled her legs up onto the couch and tried to shrink into herself, covering a majority of her face with her open hand and sighing heavily.

"Well, since you're both here," Barbara murmured, stepping into the living room and holding out a DVD copy of the original Friday the 13th. "Wanna watch? It's Halloween, after all. Might as well get festive!"

"Yes!" Akko said without thinking. She loved horror movies. "I mean... is that okay?" she asked, looking over at Diana with her eyebrows knit together and raised in an attempt at a convincing expression. She could feel the heat already draining back out of her face with Barbara's change in subject and the prospect of watching a movie she liked.

"I... don't really like horror movies," Diana said slowly, but took a deep breath and added, "but I suppose that might be fun."

And it was a  _lot_  of fun, but mostly because the thrill of making out was replaced by Diana's arm around her shoulders and Akko cuddled comfortably into her side in the darkness that Barbara had insisted on for the ambiance of the movie. Until about five minutes in, when, by that time, Diana had become a mess of irrational human fear and was instead burying her face into Akko's neck to try to hide from poor CGI and tasteless gore. The proximity made her nerves tingle and her brain have to work extra hard to pay attention to the movie, which she could honestly say she didn't do much of.

Later, Akko walked across the cold darkness that flooded campus and let the entire night play on repeat after glorious repeat. Diana had offered to walk her, but she thought that was silly and had refused, so the other girl had just kissed her goodbye at the door and told her to text her when she arrived. And so she thought.

Everything about Diana made her happy, no thing carrying more weight than the other.

Watching Diana ride made her happy.

Kissing Diana under the streetlights made her happy.

Holding hands in the cold made her happy.

Making out on the couch made her happy.

Diana whimpering like a pathetic child because she couldn't handle an old horror movie even though she was 19 years old and didn't have any dirty dishes in the sink and also folded her dirty laundry made her happy.

All of it brought her an immeasurable amount of joy and sent her insides melting into a puddle of destroyed Akko feelings. All of it made her mind race with uncertainty that felt so certain, made her heart threaten to snap every rib in her chest.

But she wouldn't have had it any other way. No, things were coming together in the best possible way, and Akko could do nothing but smile.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it really made me laugh how much you guys read into that cliffhanger because i was literally just transitioning to akko  
> like what insightful thing could akko possibly say after that  
> also the amount of you that thought it was a dream  
> or that i would trash this first date  
> DO YOU HAVE NO FAITH IN ME why would i ever ruin things when they are getting good who would do that ok bye love ya
> 
> p.s. [happy trails from ya resident author and the inspiration for this fic](https://i.imgur.com/d2vtqLU.jpg)


	20. Let's Switch

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

Akko was trying to jump by herself.

Diana briefly wondered why the other girl wasn't off practicing with the Games team like she usually did on Thursday evenings after class, but she tossed it off as preparing for the show that weekend without another thought. After all, Miss Meridies and Miss Callistis weren't around to give them lessons that week, so she supposed that the girl was seeking a little extra schooling.

But, alone, Akko didn't really seem to be accomplishing much of anything at all. Diana shifted her weight in her saddle and watched the brunette as she and Beatrix strode up the center lane with Hannah and Barbara. They'd been planning on going for a hack through the fields (there were some cross-country jumps back there for the Eventing team, so it would be a fun but demanding outing), but as Diana watched Akko pointing Chariot at random jumps and hoping for the best, she felt her mind swaying powerfully in one direction. She was surprised nobody from the Jump team was helping her, but they had seemed to shirk their responsibilities quite a bit without their instructor.

"Girls," she started, tightening her grip on the reins, "Would you mind if I helped Akko, instead?"

Hannah glanced over at Akko, who was sailing over a jump that she'd taken at much too far a distance and was struggling to stay with the motion of her feisty pony. She flashed a look at Barbara, shrugged, and said, "Looks like she needs it. Go for it. See you later."

Diana offered a tilt of her helmet to her teammates in acknowledgment, pressing her right leg into Beatrix's side and urging her away from the other two horses and towards the arena. Beatrix resisted for a moment, used to going along with the company of Cello and Belle, but relented after a moment to follow the gentle command.

Akko had brought Chariot down to a speedy trot. The mare's neck was arched beneath the weight of the tight hold on the reins, her teeth and tongue rolling against her bit. She was straining against her rider's hands, struggling to burst back into a canter with every step. The end of Akko's scarf flapped against the back of her jacket as she ducked forward against the cold breeze with hunched her shoulders.

Diana reached down and unlatched the gate from on top of Beatrix. She guided the mare inside and shut it behind her, quick in her motions before the large mare side-stepped away. When she looked back to Akko, the girl had pulled Chariot into an anxious jig and was sitting on her in the usual Games fashion.

"Looks like you could do Games," Akko said, tossing her a smirk that edged into cherry red cheeks. It was cold, easily the coldest day of the year so far, and Diana eyed Akko's bare, dry hands as they gripped the reins and pulled them back into her waist. She desperately needed a pair of gloves. Diana made a mental note and smiled back.

"I don't quite have the... athleticism for that," she replied pointedly, letting her eyes drift over Akko's body before returning to the bright crimson eyes that were staring back at her. "You looked like you could use some help."

Akko's smile faltered. She sat deep in the saddle, kicking her feet forward, and brought Chariot to a stiff halt alongside Beatrix. The chestnut mare reached her nose out and nudged at the bay mare's shoulder, earning an aggravated snort but nothing more. "That bad, huh?" She gathered her reins in one hand and reached up with the other to push her bangs back into the side of her helmet. "I don't really know what I'm doing. You don't have to help, though, I know you have other stuff to do."

Diana shook her head. The cold bit into the thin fabric of her breeches and she shivered into her heavy coat. "I don't mind in the least. Let me see you take the vertical on the diagonal again," she said, lifting a hand to point in the direction of the jump Akko had just taken. "Come off a turn tracking left."

"Left?" Akko tossed a look back over her shoulder, her brunette hair swaying against her scarf, and returned her gaze with scrunched eyebrows. "That makes a weird approach-"

"That's the point of Jumpers." Diana squeezed her calves and Beatrix stepped forward into the center of the arena next to the chipped white standards of the fence. "Take it at an angle."

"Uh, okay," she heard Akko say behind her. The brunette clucked to her mare and Chariot burst forward in a short strided canter, tossing her head in the air with excitement as Akko guided her around the arena.

Diana rocked back in her saddle and watched, sinking her weight into her heels and correcting her posture from the relaxation she had let herself fall into. Poor equitation began at the laziest of moments, and she knew better than to let herself become complacent. As she watched, she noted her observations.

First problem: Akko was not looking where she was going.

Her head should have turned far before it did to take in the jump that she was moving towards. After all, the body followed the eye, and if she was looking straight ahead, her body language indicated that. Looking at the jump would make her inner shoulder tilt back in turn, communicating to Chariot ahead of time where she wanted to go. But, instead, she looked as she came out of the corner and the pony lingered at the straightaway for a moment before obeying her rider. In a competition, that would cost her crucial seconds.

Second problem: Akko was leading with her shoulders.

Though she was seated firm in the saddle, her shoulders were tipped ever so slightly forward, putting her ahead of the movement. It counteracted the hands and legs that told Chariot to stay, sending the mare mixed signals and, ultimately, confusing her.

Third problem: Akko was holding Chariot too tightly.

Diana could see the reason for it. The wily chestnut mare was ripe with energy and bolted forward at even the hint of freedom, but Diana had seen the mare respond fluently to Akko's body language in Games. Small movements would make the mare hesitate, would tell her just what Akko intended.

And that was the main issue. The communication wasn't quite there. The two were an insurmountable pair when it came to Mounted Games, but Jumping was Chariot's world and she knew it. The mare wanted to tell  _Akko_ what to do, not the other way around.

Akko got a good distance and sailed over the jump easily. Her position looked okay. It was tightening up, and, though pretty amateur for the level of riding that was expected of a team as prestigious as Luna Nova, it got the job done. Besides, Diana had to remind herself, equitation wasn't the end all be all when it came to Jumpers.

No, Akko just needed to perform. Fast, accurate, and clean.

Akko pulled her pony to a trot and rose into the post as she made her way back over to Diana, who carefully repeated everything that she had seen—sandwiched between compliments, of course, because she didn't want Akko to think that she was just there to judge—and watched as the information sank into Akko's mind.

The girl mulled things over in thought for a moment before saying, "I get it. It's just hard because she's so small."

Diana narrowed her eyes at the pair, feeling Beatrix rumble a small snort and stomp her hoof beneath her, before finally making a decision. One that she wasn't all that keen on and one that took quite a bit of internal resolve on her part because no one else had ever ridden Beatrix. But she let her polished black boots slip from her silver stirrups and murmured, "Let's switch."

"Huh?"

"Sometimes it helps to watch somebody else ride your horse to see what you need to do. Besides, you can feel everything you need to feel on Beatrix. It'll be like a delay in all of your movements because she's so much larger."

She could see Akko's jaw tense and roll at the edges of her scarf as she glanced over the large mare. But, finally, she jumped deftly from her small pony and nodded. "If you're sure it's alright," she said.

Diana wasn't sure, honestly, but she still responded with, "Yes, I'm sure," and swung from the saddle.

Akko left Chariot standing where she was—the mare lost all semblance of energy and stood quietly as soon as her rider was gone—and stepped up to Beatrix. She reached up to the mare's face, letting pale and slightly blue fingers trace over the white stripe before turning to look at Diana with a resolute flicker in her eyes.

Taking in the state of Akko's hands and frowning, Diana undid the velcro of her gloves and slid them off to hold out to the brunette. The cold stung into her newly exposed skin.

"I don't-" Akko started.

"Take them," Diana grumbled. Her tone left no room for argument and Akko reached out. Her fingers were freezing as they brushed against her own and she felt her cheeks flush—unnoticed in the weather, hopefully—at the minor touch. "Beatrix can get a bit heavy." She didn't. Beatrix was light and supple, but she couldn't stand the thought of Akko's hands being so cold. She wanted to warm them in her own, but that wasn't exactly possible at the moment and would have been an entirely uncalled for action.

Akko nodded and slid her hands into the black nylon gloves. The fingers were a bit too long, but that was alright. They would keep Akko warm.

"I, um..." Akko looked up at the mare's back, which loomed high above her head, and the short stirrups that only fell to her waist. One glove hand wrapped around the leather, the other taking the soft reins. "Can I get a leg up?"

"You mean you can't vault on her?" Diana asked, smirking. She leaned down and took the girl's lower leg in her arms, subtly concealing the sharp intake of breath in the thick collar of her coat at the proximity of her face to Akko's upper thigh, and boosted her up.

Akko's face was bright red as she swung into the saddle. Her feet sought the stirrups, which were a bit long so Diana took a moment to raise them a couple of holes, letting one of her hands linger on each of Akko's calves as she did so. The muscle was thick beneath her grasp and she felt herself squeezing unconsciously as she nibbled at her bottom lip, struggling to force her concentration into the task at hand.

"Thanks," Akko said once she was all situated. She shifted in the saddle, testing the length of the stirrups by bouncing into her heels. A nervous smile flickered across her lips as she stared down at Diana. "She's tall."

"I warmed her up in the indoor," Diana muttered, ignoring the comment about her horse's height. "But give her a trot around the arena just to get used to her and let her warm up her legs again. Keep her on a loose rein, but enough to have contact with the bit. If she leans into you just give a little twitch up with your inside hand. And if she gets too fast-"

"Diana."

"-then sit back and half-halt her, but I really doubt she'll do that with you. And when you ask for the canter, make sure your inside leg is a little bit behind the girth. Let her do her own thing over fences-"

"Diana."

She swallowed and looked up at Akko, who was grinning down at her.

"I know how to ride."

"Right." Diana nodded, curling her hands into fists and shoving them into her jackets before moving over to Chariot. She watched as Akko urged Beatrix into a walk to the rail and then lifted her into a trot. Her mare flowed, her strides long and easy, her neck arched delicately, her poll relaxed, her eyes focused and ears twitching at the commands of her new rider.

And Akko looked... different.

She was tiny on Beatrix, that was for sure. But it was like there was a mood change, like the energy that she was constantly sending Chariot was being held back. Her hands were quiet, lowered gently onto Beatrix's withers, and her posting came smooth and effortless. She was focused entirely on the mare and riding correctly, Diana noted, and she couldn't help but let herself smile. She should have known Akko would take care of her mare, that Akko wouldn't do anything to ruin the hard work she'd put forward for the horse's entire life.

Akko sat and eased Beatrix into a slow canter as Diana swung into Chariot's saddle. The stirrups were jacked up so high that she felt like a jockey. Her knees lifted way up above the pads and she took a moment to adjust them, feeling bad for her toes brushing against Chariot's legs as she pushed her into a walk.

"This feels so weird," Akko joked as she cantered by. She was rocked back in the saddle, her back straight and perfect, her inside shoulder pulled slightly back as she guided Beatrix into a wide circle. Beatrix looked comfortable, happy.

Weird was right. Diana looked down at the tiny pony underneath her. She never noticed her height when she rode her own mare, but now she felt like a grown adult trying to fit onto a tricycle and she fussed with the tack for a moment longer and readjusted her center of gravity before asking for the trot.

Though...  _different_ , and drastically so, a moment of riding brought a little more comfort to both her and her tiny mount. When rocked back off her forehand, Chariot felt like a tiny horse. Power rippled through her small body, her ears swiveled to and fro with excitement, and energy thrummed at Diana's fingertips. The mare was supple and smooth but moved more up and down than forward. It was a far cry from Beatrix's slow and deliberate strides and, honestly... rather fun.

"Take the vertical," Diana called out, letting Chariot move into a canter. She sank into the easy, lifting stride and played with the deliberate steering, the instant responses that came from each subtle cue of her fingertips.

Diana brought her eyes to watch as Akko rounded the corner. Her head had turned just as Diana had pointed out and Beatrix had responded instantly to the twist in the torso, her bend switching immediately toward the inside of the arena. Her ears pricked forward when she noted the jump ahead and the front end of her body lifted in preparation for the upcoming obstacle.

Akko faltered in her shoulders, but where her inexperience left off Beatrix filled in the gaps. She strode forward easily, bringing herself to a comfortable position before lifting into the air. The large bay cleared the smaller jump by a wide expense, her hooves lifting to tuck into her chest, her back arching perfectly. Akko let herself be carried with the movement, hips fluid, legs sliding only slightly back as she stayed in sync with Beatrix the whole way.

Diana brought Chariot back down to a trot, feeling a warmth blooming in her chest at the sight of Akko riding her mare so well. The grin on the girl's face didn't help much, either, and before she knew it she realized she was grinning back.

"She's amazing," Akko said, bringing Beatrix into a working trot and circling Diana. The girl reached down and patted the side of Beatrix's neck affectionately. "And you trained her yourself?"

"I... did, yes." Diana blushed at the compliment and turned her gaze down to Chariot's mane, to the small white spot on the side of her withers. "Now watch Chariot," she replied, brushing off the fluttering feeling that came with Akko's words as she moved the small chestnut mare back into a canter.

She brought the pony in from the left, just like she'd told Akko to do the first time. The jump itself seemed large for such a small mount, though the power beneath her told Diana that Chariot could easily handle it. The mare lifted her muzzle and let out a series of rhythmic snorts as she approached the fence at the drastic angle. Diana stayed back, deep in the saddle, her hands tugged back to her waist and her shoulders relaxed and following. She waited.

The pressure of her calves against the tiny sides asked for an increase in the length of the stride and Chariot responded immediately, her ears flying forward. The mare would have had to leave early or late, depending on which she forced herself into, but Diana's correction made the distance just right. Diana moved into a half-seat, not quite as open in her release as she was with Beatrix—after all, the neck was shorter and the landing would be sooner, as well—and the minor change to her position altered her center of balance to where it needed to be.

Diana met Akko back in the middle of the arena, where the brunette had relaxed into the saddle and was regarding Diana with a smirk. Her arms were folded over her chests, reins dropped loose around Beatrix's neck. The mare, completely at ease, simply swished her tail and looked towards the blonde and the pony.

Akko looked like she wanted to say something, but glanced away and closed her teeth around her bottom lip to roll the skin thoughtfully. When she finally leveled her ruby eyes with Diana's once more, she was leaning forward in the saddle and preparing to dismount. "Switch back?"

"Um-" Diana squeezed her thighs around Chariot and held her back at the same time, feeling the mare lifting into a light rear and stepping back on her hind legs. Her lips fluttered into a grin. "Not yet."

"Are you stealing my horse  _again_?" Akko groaned. She let her torso collapse forward, her arms wrapping around Beatrix's neck. "Is this going to become habit?"

"Yes," Diana said. She couldn't help it, Chariot was  _fun_. She let go of the reins and Chariot burst into a canter from the halt, bopping around Akko and Beatrix like a happy deer. She let herself laugh. "I'll give her back later."

And Diana did give her back... at the end of the ride.

Hannah and Barbara had long since walked back down the center lane to the barn, waving at both of the still-active riders as they went by. Even the Games team, who had been relieved of practice for the day from Miss Nelson, as per Akko, had finished up and headed back into the warmth.

The last few rays of the sun had just disappeared over the horizon and darkness had taken hold of the Luna Nova grounds. The arena floodlights buzzed overhead, providing some small semblance of warmth in the frigid cold, and Akko and Diana met, once more, in the middle of the arena with their freshly tired mounts.

"I guess you can have her back now," Diana said, swinging her leg over Chariot's back and dismounting with a small stumble. She hadn't expected the ground to find her feet that early. She rubbed her freezing hands against her breeches to try to gather some warmed before running the stirrups up on their leathers and sliding the reins over Chariot's head.

When she looked up, Akko was already standing next to her. The girl held the buckle of the reins in one hand as she stepped toward Diana, a fleeting smile passing over her face. Her nose was a bright red against her pale skin.

"Thank you," Akko murmured. Crimson eyes trailed down from cobalt blue and Diana knew where she was looking, knew exactly what she wanted even before the girl whispered, "Can I?" and she was already slowly nodding back-

Akko closed the space between them and Diana moved forward to meet her, a heat akin to wildfire coursing through her body as she tilted her head awkwardly to avoid hitting Akko with the brim of her helmet. Cold lips met cold lips and Diana sucked in air, one exposed hand reaching forward to find Akko's, to find the gloved fingers that closed around her own as they kissed in the cold, in the middle of the arena, in the space between two tired but content horses that paid no attention to the actions of their riders.

Their coats were thick, too thick, and Diana strained to get closer. She dropped Chariot's reins—the mare would stay, if the history of her actions were any indication—and wrapped an arm around Akko's waist to pull her in.

She could have stayed there forever, warmed by the fire that was Akko, happy against the soft lips that had grown so much more confident than that first kiss many nights ago. But the mares called to them for care, and so after a few long moments that neither girl took the initiative to end, they fell apart with heavy breaths and lidded eyes.

Diana's chest was throbbing as she gazed into Akko's eyes, as she watched the nostrils flare in an attempt to fill empty lungs. Warm breath coasted over her face and she backed up slowly, hesitantly, to let the cold wash over her once more. Fingers squeezed against her own.

"Let's... go untack," Diana said at last, and the two walked back to the barn together, each leading the other's horse, with their fingers still laced in comfortable quiet.

* * *

It was the first time she had sat next to Akko in Hippotherapy.

Sure, she'd had the option before. It wasn't as though their seating was assigned: Diana could sit wherever she pleased at any point in time. But she was a creature of habit, and so the seat that she'd taken on the very first day had been the one that she'd continued to sit in throughout the semester. Even though it wasn't a  _good_  one. Diana usually preferred to sit in the front row, as it was more engaging and easier to see the PowerPoint presentations, but she'd been a couple minutes later than she wanted to be because she'd stopped to help a first year find the correct building and, well... things just spiraled from there.

But now she was sitting next to Akko.

Not that  _she'd_ moved. No, she was sitting in the same place she had since that very first day.  _Akko_ had moved. There was an empty seat by the wall that nobody sat in, anyway, and Akko had come up to her right before classes and cocked her lips in that little arrogant half-smile and said, "Mind if I sit there?"

And, at first, Diana thought that maybe it would be difficult to concentrate, that maybe she wouldn't be able to focus on Professor Finnelan's lecture with Akko so close in proximity, but it had turned out to be the complete opposite. Akko had trouble staying awake—which was ridiculous, because the girl woke up a good two hours after Diana (with text evidence to prove it)-and so Diana kept her focused on the task at hand by placing gentle fingers on the outside of the other girl's hand and reminding her to take notes. It had been like a reward for the both of them: Diana got to touch Akko's hand for keeping her attention where it should be, and Akko got a touch to the hand for... well, keeping her attention where it should be.

And it had all been very nice, especially the jean-covered knee that was leaning against her own and the fleeting smiles that Akko would send her way. Until the other girl started proving the distraction that Diana knew she would be eventually... but she forgave it, this one time, just based on the context of the situation.

Nearly halfway through the class, Akko had given Diana one of her signature smirks and leaned into her space, her pen clutched tight in her hand as she held it to the blank margins of her notebook that framed her neatly written notes. Her elbow had brushed against Diana's, the soft skin and dark hair tickling her forearm, and she'd proceeded to write:

_DATE_

_NO. 2_

_YORK?_

Akko's penmanship was messy and crooked, and she wrote in an off-kilter way that was rather curious, but Diana could still read it. Barely. But only because the letters were all capitalized. No wonder the girl couldn't process anything she'd written down in the class.

Their show was in York that weekend, where Akko would be tackling Pony Jumpers for the second time and Diana would be striving to maintain her leading point status in the 120cm Hunter Over Fences division. So Akko was trying to take her out someplace there? Diana felt a smile pulling at the edges of her lip as she wrote back, the palm of her hand pressing against Akko's to push it gently aside.

 _Maybe_ , she wrote in her usual block text script that she'd practiced over thousands of pages of notes.

She could feel the side-eye the other girl was giving her and tried to cover her smirk with the palm of her hand as she felt the soft outer edges of a palm push her hand gently away. Diana hadn't caught the last couple of minutes of the lecture, but she was open to the right page. She could catch up. Akko wrote a single character:

_?_

Diana couldn't help it. She glanced at Akko out of the side of her eye, taking in the scrunched eyebrows and the very quizzical look that had etched across her features. Akko looked unsure and... well, a little bit self-conscious. Diana reached back over, making sure to take her index finger to drag it gently up the side of Akko's forearm in what she hoped was a reassurance that she was just joking. The goosebumps that immediately sparked across the canvas of her skin made her heart surge.

 _Persuade me,_ Diana wrote.

_I PAY?_

Akko wrote back, followed by:

_OBVS?_

Oh, she wasn't getting it. How innocent. Diana rolled her eyes and glanced to the front of the lecture hall, making sure Professor Finnelan was focused on something else before covering Akko's hand with her own and leaning over to press her lips against Akko's ear, ignoring the wispy brunette hairs that tickled her cheeks.

"Not what I meant," she whispered, pulling back to take in the blush that had rushed into Akko's cheeks. The other girl turned ruby eyes towards her, breaths coming in short puffs from her nostrils, before turning away with a sheepish smile ghosting across her pale lips. It was cute—impossibly so—and so when Akko's hand retreated back to her own messy notes (with a doodle of Chariot, Diana observed), Diana found it incredibly hard to re-focus on the class. But she did, because she was Diana Cavendish and a girl would certainly not come in the way of her studies...

Well, within reason.

* * *

Akko once again had slept the entire way to the show grounds. Though, Diana didn't mind so much. Se had decided not to drive and to instead ride in the van for the nearly six hour trip, and so the weight of Akko slumped against her shoulder and resting peacefully with her warm breath coasting over her neck had been comforting. Diana had barely managed to resist holding the other girl's hand, which had fallen, palm up and limp, between their two thighs.

By the time they made it to York, got the horses settled into their temporary boxes, and made it to their lodging, everybody was exhausted. Akko had barely stumbled from the van, lugging her duffel bag lazily behind her as she trudged to their room.

"See you guys tomorrow morning," Barbara said as they reached the door. Diana's head snapped up in confusion.

"Pardon?"

Hannah's eyes were tired and bloodshot, but her grin didn't falter as she nodded to the door and turned to follow her other teammate.

Diana took a deep breath, looked away, and pushed the door open. Akko slid inside without another word and without acknowledging the antics of the other two girls, her bag scraping against the threshold.

The lodging that the teams had reserved were only for two. There was a single king-sized bed on the far wall of a small, modestly decorated room...

Which she would be sharing alone. With Akko. The whole weekend.

Diana swallowed, hard, and closed the door behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas and happy holidays, everyone!


	21. Confusion

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

If there was one thing that Akko was unequivocally skilled at, it was running on pure instinct and muscle memory when she was beyond exhausted. Which, as it stood, was  _exactly_  the case when they'd arrived at their lodging on Friday evening. Completely oblivious to Diana's extreme state of discomfort and insecurity (even going as far as to say, "Why the heck would you do that?" when the blonde offered to get a cot from room service; after all, they'd already shared a bed once before), she had stripped immediately and gotten dressed into the comfortable old t-shirt and shorts she slept in. She'd climbed into bed without a further thought and was likely asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. She didn't remember—she had been so tired she didn't commit any of it to memory—and so when she woke up to Diana's phone alarm blaring an unpleasant noise into silence the next morning, she had blinked the sleep out of her eyes to find the other girl absolutely as  _far_  on the other side of the bed as she could get.

Like, halfway hanging off.

"Geez," she'd muttered, covering a yawn with the heel of her hand. "I know I don't toss around  _that_  much."

Diana's face had just turned a deep shade of red and she'd excused herself to the washroom. She barely talked the entire morning, even on the van ride back to the stabling area and after she'd had two cups of morning tea. Not that she had come across as negative, but she was surely monosyllabic. Akko vaguely remembered her barely talking in the mornings during the last show they attended (though, that was hard to judge, because Hannah and Barbara rarely let anyone get a word in edgewise) and so she tried not think about it too hard.

Though, that didn't stop the panic that nagged at her throughout the morning as she cared for Chariot. She was digging through her recent memory to try to find something that she'd done wrong. Maybe the kiss the other night wasn't okay? Maybe she'd hurt Beatrix when she'd ridden her? Though, she assumed Diana would have  _said_ something...

Akko unbuckled Chariot's heavy plaid blanket and slid it off, running a hand over the soft hair, long with winter, and the perfectly executed clip that Diana had done for her. The mare looked red where her hair was longer and almost tan where it was shaved close to the skin, and Akko couldn't help but think about how weird it looked every time she saw her. Not a  _bad_  weird, but certainly cleaner than she'd ever seen. The thin and perfectly lined mane, too, made her pony looked polished and professional.

Her voice slipping into her native tongue, she cooed at her mare and wrapped her arms around her muscular neck, speaking jumbled praise into a soft mane that smelled of citrus and shampoo from a warm bath the day before. There were still a couple hours left until her first round, leaving plenty of time to groom, tack, get herself ready, and warm up. As it was, she was already in her show breeches, with a thick pair of plaid flannel sweatpants over top to keep them clean. She wore her white show blouse under her warm red coat.

Granted, it wasn't as cold as it had been the entire week, even for being early in the morning. She and Diana had gotten up long before dawn, when night was still a dark wall against their window, and the first rays of the sun were finally beginning to light the sky. Frost gripped the show grounds in a sheen of white ice and the grass crunched beneath their paddock boots as they walked. And, even though their stalls were on one of the inside rows of a massive stable, the stone floors and heavy iron walls seemed to only trap the bitter air.

Chariot's breath came in visible puffs as she turned and nudged at Akko's flannel pants. The brunette chuckled, fishing her frozen hands into the pocket of her coat and pulling out a peppermint. Upon hearing the crinkle of the wrapper, the chestnut mare's ears flew forward and her lips twitched with excitement. She took the offered candy with a greedy snap and munched happily, sucking at her tongue for the last remnants of flavor once she'd finished swallowing.

"Hi."

Akko turned at the soft voice to find Diana at the stall door, resting her chin on crossed arms and smiling in a way that made her chest twist with emotion. Her hair was already pulled back into its neat show bun, wavy blonde curls smooth against the top and sides of her head. Topaz eyes flashed bright and bold in contrast to her pale skin.

"Hey," Akko replied, a sheepish grin taking control of her lips before she could stop herself. "Uh... how long have you been standing there?"

Diana straightened, though her smile didn't falter. "Long enough," she said. She reached over the iron-barred stall door and held out a cup that was steaming with warmth in her hand. "I figured I'd bring you this. It's... hot chocolate. I didn't know if you drank coffee or tea."

Well, if there was any lingering question as to whether or not she'd upset Diana, it was gone. She let the grin she'd been trying to hold back take full form as she stepped forward and took the warm Styrofoam cup in her hand. "Both. But this is just as good. Thanks, Diana."

"These too."

In her other hand, Diana was holding out a clear package. Inside were a pair of black nylon gloves, much like the ones she wore, but a size smaller.

"You... didn't buy these for me, did you?" Akko asked. Her dark eyebrows stitched together as she warily eyed the gift. "I can't take that."

Diana rolled her eyes. "You need a pair of gloves. I got you a pair of gloves. You can pay me back, if it's that big of a deal to you."

Akko wasn't used to accepting gifts without having one to offer in return. She felt her face flush with heat as she reached out and gingerly took the package from Diana's hand before inspecting the gloves. They were nice, expensive, something she wouldn't have had the guts to spend the money on. She would've just gone for some cheap synthetic leather ones. Diana's smile faltered and she stepped back, burying her hands into her pockets. "I... thank you," she murmured after a moment, lifting red eyes to meet blue. "This is really nice of you." A pause. "When do you ride?"

"First class starts at half eight."

Akko glanced down at her watch. It was 7:15. "Shouldn't you be getting ready?"

Diana hummed, her jaw tightening as she ran her eyes down Akko's body. Akko wasn't quite sure what there was to see—she was shapeless in a thick coat and baggy sweatpants—but she felt herself blushing anyway. "I only need to put tack on," she said. "I just... wanted to see you first."

Akko set the gloves down beneath the water bucket and pushed her hand into her pocket, unconsciously wrinkling the peppermint wrappers inside. Chariot perked up at the nose and moved over, nudging at Akko's coat with a warm, wet muzzle.

"Anyway, I'm afraid I won't be able to watch any of your classes. I'll be in the ring all the way across the grounds and I won't be able to get away," Diana said. She wet her lips and leveled her gaze with Akko's. "I should be able to catch some tomorrow, perhaps."

Akko chuckled. "You don't have to come watch me, anyway. I'll probably do something stupid." She shrugged, unwrapping a peppermint to offer to Chariot on a flat hand. Fuzzy lips lapped at her skin as Chariot sucked up the treat.

Diana rolled her eyes. "You will not."

Silence stretched between them. Down the aisles, the continuous chatter of riders talking to both each other and their horses echoed against the walls. Distant whinnies carried through the air, followed by a responses from other horses as they heard the call. Akko raised the hot chocolate to her lips and took a sip. It was rich, but warm.

"So, tonight?" she finally asked. She stepped to the stall door, rising on her toes to rest her arm across the cold metal.

Diana smirked. She glanced down the aisles, waiting for Miss Callistis to disappear into the Jump Team's tack stall, and stepped forward. She leaned over the gate, warm breath coasting over the side of Akko's face. Akko felt herself blushing beneath the sensation.

"I suppose I can make time," Diana murmured. Her smile tickled against Akko's skin and she planted a quick kiss to the brunette's cheek and whispered, "Good luck today."

Akko's flush heated her skin far more than the warm cocoa in her hand and she watched as Diana turned on a heel and quickly rushed off down the aisle to where the Hunt Team's stall reservations were located. Jaw rolling in thought, she turned to Chariot, who was staring back at her, and muttered, "Girls, right?"

* * *

The first course of the weekend was not all that complicated. And, thank goodness, not very hard to remember. She just had to stay focused on the task at hand and not let her mind wander to a specific girl who had agreed to another date and who was also—and this hit Akko with a hard realization in the middle of cinching Chariot' girth—sleeping alone in the same room in the same bed. The ensuing panic (which Akko had been relieved of the previous night, due to exhaustion that led to a severe case of blissful ignorance) had caused Akko to attach her throatlatch to her figure-eight noseband and vice versa. Miss Callistis had looked at her curiously before fixing it and sending her off to the warm-up ring after a quick, "Are you that nervous?"

Yes, but not about the ride.

She knew that Diana was… experienced… with things. She  _had_  to be, she'd dated that tall brunette Amazon woman for a long time, from what Amanda had told her, whereas Akko had  _zero_  experience and was only just getting used to kissing without having to think about what to do with her lips and hands. Not that she didn't  _want_  all the other stuff. She couldn't deny the way that her body throbbed with desire every time she touched or even thought about Diana. And, well, she'd... well…  _thought_ about Diana. While she was doing things. And stuff.

The idea of a possible expectation was making her mind reel with an electric anxiety that made her body flush with heat every time she thought about it.

She slumped on Chariot, watching the rider ahead of her and running over the course one last time. She'd shoved those thoughts about Diana and solitude and sex into a cabinet deep in the back of her brain and had sealed it with a metaphorical lock and chain. All that gay panic could wait for at  _least_ the next four minutes of her life. One hand, clad in the new nylon gloves that Diana had gotten her, raised to trace her finger around her [course](https://imgur.com/a/XAnYYg2).

"75 on deck."

That was her. She swayed in the saddle one quick time, checking the tightness of her girth, and nudged Chariot forward. She gathered the reins, feeling a little uncomfortable with the material of the gloves against the leather, and waited for the other rider to exit the arena before trotting in.

Chariot's head lifted at the sight of the colorful jumps and she snorted, her muscles tensing and relaxing beneath Akko's body as she glanced curiously around. Akko maneuvered her through the arena, careful not to have her pony look directly at any of the fences, and brought her to a sudden halt between the eighth and ninth.

She sat deep, feeling the quiver of anxiety beneath her, and dropped her hand. She tilted her head down, her chin resting against her stock tie.

The whistle blew.

With a trained response, Chariot burst into a canter as soon as Akko took the reins back. Akko turned her slowly, sitting deep in the saddle and making sure her shoulders were back just as Diana had instructed, and guided her around the outside of the arena to get a straight approach at the first fence.

Without loosening her grip on the reins, Akko slid her hands forward and gave Chariot a bit more freedom. The mare took it greedily, her lengthening strides engulfing the ground beneath her. The pounding of her hooves rang loud in Akko's head, rivaled only by the drumming beat of her heart as her adrenaline surged.

Wait, wait, wait—

Chariot launched over the first vertical, clearing it easily, and Akko let her eyes fall on the second jump right as she reached the peak of her jumping position. Her mare landed on her left lead and curved in the direction that Akko's torso had twisted. Akko took advantage of her mare's agility and spliced through the wide turn she'd originally planned, shaving seconds as she took the second jump at a bit of an angle.

Straighten up, three strides, jump.

The next two strides were short and Akko caught her pony in the mouth just as they landed from the middle jump in the combination, forcing Chariot to rock back onto her hindquarters. Her nose snapped up, nostrils flaring, and her hooves slammed down as she bound forward and soared over the triple oxer.

Akko was already turning over the fence, her left arm leading away from the mare's neck to communicate her intentions. The chestnut mare landed with a huff and took off, fighting the bit and the slight restraint Akko kept her under, and took the fifth at another angle. Her hoof scraped against the top rail of the fence, but it stayed.

Another sharp turn to the sixth, another angle at the jump, another quick straighten-out before three strides to the seventh-

She swung hard to the right, forcing Chariot to swap her leads with the skip of her legs, and sat back hard as she rounded the turn. The swift and tight maneuver was a breeze for the mare, who was used to turning on a dime in Mounted Games, and she twisted her athletic body with hardly a hesitation in her stride and soared over an oxer. It was a three-stride bending line, but that was no big deal to the pair, who simply leveled out the gentle curve and they easily cleared the ninth. Another swap back to the left lead.

Three more. Just three more.

Akko's heart was racing with excitement a she swung back out to the rail, her legs tightening against her mare's sides as she asked for more speed. Chariot responded immediately, bolting forward, her tail lifting and slapping against her hindquarters as her front hooves grappled against the air. The tenth fence took a half-halt to regather the mare, who came in a little short, and so Akko pushed her on after to try to get the distance—

It was supposed to be five strides, but the ground-devouring pace that Chariot had eased her way into took it in four. It was a huge oxer and Akko let torso roll with Chariot's body, curving against the arch of her neck, her hands following the natural tug of the bit as she let the mare have as much freedom as she dared.

The last fence would be the most challenging. It was a tight rollback and a three bar vertical to boot, and so Akko landed and slammed herself backwards, her shoulders tipping dramatically as she gathered the reins back and held Chariot tight. Her sides were heaving as she rolled onto her hind legs and launched into the air, egged on by a swift kick to the side by Akko's heel, and she flew over the last fence with inches to spare and took off at a gallop.

The pair crossed the finish line and continued on. Akko let the reins slip through her hands as she rose in the stirrups, grinning with pride at the performance her mare had put forward, and slapped her neck in a loud, hard pat.

She dared to look at the scoreboard, at the bright red letters that glared over the arena.

Three seconds.

They had shaved  _three_  seconds off the best time of the day and there were only two more riders left to go. Miss Callistis was clapping loudly and energetically as Akko and Chariot trotted from the arena, the rider sloppy and bouncing in the saddle with glee, the pony heaving and snorting with exhaustion.

" _That_ ," Miss Callistis said, a wide grin spreading further across her freckled face, "was  _extraordinary_."

Annabel, at her side, gave her two thumbs up. "Nice ride, Akko!"

"Thanks!" Akko kicked her legs out of the stirrups and scratched the white spot on Chariot's withers. She took a deep breath to calm her aching lungs and grinned.

"Now go get her cooled out and taken care of," Miss Callistis murmured, stepping forward to scratch the pony's forehead. Chariot leaned into the touch, anxious for her post-ride scratches, and wiped a nostrils full of snot across the instructor's coat. Miss Callistis ignored it and chuckled. "You have two rides tomorrow and the courses will be tougher. Rub her down with a little bit of Vetrolin."

"'Kay," Akko said, though as she walked away, she already knew that she most certainly wasn't headed in the direction of the stables. She had never seen Diana ride in a competition before and she felt anxious as she and Chariot lumbered across the show grounds. She was determined to surprise the other girl by showing up in time to watch and so she forced the pony along at a quick clip. Her mare's breath rolled in rumbling snorts and her head bobbed with remnants of energy.

Akko sat, relaxed, her legs dangling uselessly at her sides, the reins clutched loosely in a single hand as she guided her pony. She could see the riders gathered around the Hunter ring ahead, the flashy chrome chestnut in the arena taking massive jumps with ease and poise. The jumps were significantly bigger than the ones in her competition, though she pegged that as a result of a size difference.

Ahead, next to a group of other horses, was Cello and Hannah. Hannah was grinning and laughing with the other riders. Cello stood quiet, asleep, with his hind leg cocked at an angle as his rider goofed off with her companions.

And, a few yards off, under a tall oak tree that cast a long shadow across brown-green grass and part of the arena, was Diana. She and Beatrix looked picturesque, elegant, and Akko sucked in a breath as her eyes ran over the pair. The tall bay mare's mane was perfectly braided into tiny black knots that ran over her muscled neck. Even her tail was done: a French braid flowed down the top and into the long, wavy black hair that swayed around the mare's pasterns. Her black hooves were polished and glistening in the sun, her dapples shimmering beneath the shiny coat.

And Diana… looked incredible.

She was wearing a tweed grey hunt coat that hugged her body perfectly, spotless white breeches, black tall boots that were polished to perfection. Her gloved hands were resting at Beatrix's withers, fiddling with the reins as she stared straight ahead. The blonde bun sticking out of her helmet was flawless, not a hair out of place.

Akko had been so busy studying the pair, admiring her crush and the beautiful horse, that she hadn't noticed the person standing next to Diana. So when her crimson eyes fell onto the tall brunette, she took a sharp breath and tugged Chariot back to a stop.

Chloe was standing next to the pair. Akko recognized her easily. It was hard not to. Long, thick, perfectly straight brown hair fell over her back and shoulders, rolled and shimmered with each turn of her head. She looked out of place in her navy peacoat, her tight jeans, and her black boots. More like she should be walking through London to go to work at a law firm than standing at a horse show in the middle of York. And she was… really pretty. Akko hadn't had time to notice at the bar because she'd been so wrapped up in how her body was responding to Diana. But now her mind was blank with confusion and the hot burn of uncertainty, and so her eyes ran over the other girl with something akin to admiration.

Akko hesitated. If Chloe was bothering her, then she should certainly go interfere and tell the other girl off. If Bedford had been any indication, Diana was far from fond of her ex-girlfriend. But, somehow, this seemed… different.

Chloe's hand was resting on Beatrix's shoulder. Her body was close to Diana's leg as the two stared ahead, watching the chestnut clear the final fence to a round of reserved applause. And, as Akko watched, Chloe turned to Diana and flashed a bright, friendly smile.

Her jaw tightened, a fog lifting into her eyes. She could feel her blood boiling beneath tingling skin, raw with the sharp stab of jealousy. The sight of the two girls together, of Chloe's confident smile and Diana's unwavering stillness, made her numb.

Akko's gaze wavered. For a moment, she noticed Hannah looking to her. The girl's stare flickered between Akko and Diana and she straightened in her saddle, waking Cello from his stupor with a snort of surprise.

She had wanted to watch Diana ride. She had wanted to see the girl she liked at her happiest, at home on her horse and in the arena that she dominated. She… didn't want to watch what she was seeing.

And so she took a deep breath, turned Chariot around, and walked away.

* * *

Diana was acting strange.

She was silent on the van ride back to the lodging, staring down at her fidgeting hands and ignoring the excited chatter of the two teams after a full day of riding. They'd had no interaction for the rest of the day, which was unsettling in itself, but the fact that Diana had walked directly by her stall with Beatrix and said nothing—not even congratulating Akko on her first place—had sent a shiver of anxiety up Akko's spine.

Even now, as Diana sat next to her, a relaxed thigh pressed up against Akko's own, there was the gnawing sense that something was wrong. Akko swallowed hard, watching the blonde out of the corner of her eye. Diana simply gazed through the window at the passing scenery, her body still and unmoving, her teeth rolling over her bottom lip and biting at the wind-chapped skin.

If Akko had expected some sense of comfort, she didn't find it in Diana's actions. She didn't know what to say, and so she'd said nothing at all. It felt weak, but she didn't trust the insecurity and the anxiety that would certainly lace her voice if she spoke to the other girl.

When they got back to their lodging, Diana dropped her bag on a stiff armchair near the bed and immediately dismissed herself to the shower. Akko sat down on the bed, unsure how to proceed but gathering the determination and trying to reassure herself that everything was normal and Chloe had nothing to do with anything and was only being friendly. She flipped through nearby pubs and restaurants on her phone, trying to find some place that Diana might like to go. She'd never been to York, but downtown was only a quick and inexpensive Uber ride away and everything seemed pretty close together.

She looked up when Diana finally came out of the washroom. The other girl was already dressed, her wavy blonde hair still wet and limp around her pale face. She looked upset, her eyes red and puffy, and Akko took a deep breath and tried to act normal like she'd told herself to do— _it's not you, Akko, you didn't do anything_ —before saying, "There's this pub downtown that looks pretty cool, if you're in the mood for that kind of thing. Or we can go somewhere else. Wherever you like. I've never been here so…"

Diana leveled blue eyes to Akko's and frowned.

"I… um… do you mind if we take a rain check?"

Her eyes were glistening like there was a sheen of liquid over them and Akko swallowed hard as she took in the sight, her breath catching in her throat at the words and the aura of sadness that surrounded the blonde.

"I… would like to go. But not tonight," Diana murmured. She swiped the back of her hand across her cheek and Akko rose, stepped forward.

"Diana." Her eyebrows knit together with confusion. "What's wrong?"

Diana's hand lingered at her face. She squeezed her fingers against the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, taking a shaky breath. When she opened them, Akko swore she saw a tear leak from the corner of her eye, but Diana's hand was swift to swipe it away as she stepped back.

"If you'll just…" Her voice broke. "Excuse me."

Diana turned on a heel and left. Just left. She didn't even bother to take her jacket, she just grabbed the door handle and stormed out before Akko could even move, before Akko could even react.

Akko stared after her, breath quivering and hitching, stomach turning with anxiety. The room was empty and silent and Akko suddenly felt so painfully alone.

She thought back to the morning, to how quiet Diana was. To the show earlier. To Chloe. To the two standing together, to Chloe smiling. But Diana had kissed her good luck, and she'd brought her hot chocolate and given her gloves…

But then she'd cancelled their date?

Her head throbbed with an ache from both dehydration and stress. She rifled through her bag and found some ibuprofen, took it with a long swig of water, and laid back on the bed to stare at the ceiling.

Akko didn't understand. Everything was so horribly confusing.

And that was the worst part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i may have had a bit of fun on visio.
> 
> ok bye!!


	22. The Unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who did this?

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

Her day had been going fine. She'd woken up beside Akko—okay, not necessarily where she  _wanted_  to be (because she would have  _rather_ been in her arms, but Akko had passed out the night before and Diana didn't want to assume anything)—and everything had been going very smooth. No issues with Beatrix, the show grounds were nice and clean, the weather was not quite as bitterly cold as it had been (plus it was sunny), and she'd been able to give Akko the gloves she'd had overnight shipped in time for the other girl to wear for the show.

Plus, she'd gotten to kiss her on the cheek. And though it wasn't as ideal as her lips, she had taken what she could get under the pressure of other people around to possibly see. Not that she really  _cared_  if people saw, she just didn't want to deal with something like that at a show where everybody knew everybody and rumors would fly in the time it took for Beatrix to take a gymnastic bounce. It was the last thing she wanted to clarify at a competitive showing: yes, I like Akko; no, we aren't officially dating; no, we are not banging in the hotel room that we are happening to share, alone, and also sleeping in the same bed, alone, even though I would love to be doing exactly that.

She had been waiting at the side of the arena with Hannah and a few riders from other universities that they had come to know through the circuit as juniors and, now, seniors. Hayley was there, too—she was in Hannah's division—and so Diana was avoiding her purely for the fact that Chloe might have tailed along with her. She didn't dislike Hayley by any means, but the possibility of seeing her ex-girlfriend kept her on edge.

The classes were running behind, severely so, and Diana was irritated. She likely could have seen Akko ride with all the time she'd spent sitting around pretending to pay attention to the conversation. Their under saddle class had already taken place well over an hour ago and it seemed the stewards had decided to take a tea break before setting up the course.

Though, that wasn't what ruined her day. No, Diana could handle a little irritation with a show that was running behind schedule. If she let something like that ruin her day, no show would ever be enjoyable. It was the appearance of her always-there ex-girlfriend that made her mind blank with panic and her blood run hot with discomfort.

"Don't look now," Hannah had muttered, pulling Cello up so close that their thighs pressed together, "but Chloe decided to come along for the ride again."

It was as if it was the brunette's cue, as though Hannah's words had echoed through the universe like a loudspeaker, because in the next moment Chloe was at her side and asking if it was alright for the two of them to speak.

Just the sound of her voice made Diana's insides lurch with anxious pain. She glanced desperately at Hannah, who was looking back at the two of them with a glint in her eye that said,  _"Let me rip her entrails out and scatter them over the grass for you."_ But this was a show setting, one where sponsors frequented and expectations of formality (especially when it came to representation of Luna Nova and herself) were close at hand, and so she'd quietly murmured, "Privately," before nudging Beatrix into a walk.

There was an oak tree nearby and the shade beneath it was a drastically different temperature than in the heat of the morning sun. Diana shivered beneath her lightweight attire, wishing for a coat or something else to warm herself, though she was hoping that the chill would make Chloe want to talk less and leave faster.

"What do you want?" she muttered, pulling Beatrix to a halt and trying not to look at the other girl. Chloe looked pretty, as always. At one point Diana had thought she was beautiful, but that opinion had faded fast along with the respect. Now, all Diana could see was an outfit that was unsuitable for a show setting and boots that she hoped ended up stepping in a fresh pile of manure.

"I've been trying to speak with you for a while now," Chloe said. She placed her hand on Beatrix's shoulder—an action that made Diana's lip curl with distaste—and leaned in as she spoke quietly. Her voice had once been something Diana had loved, too. Quiet and soft, laced with the hint of her French background that made her accent interesting and hard to peg altogether. "You haven't responded. Why?"

"I blocked your number," Diana said simply. She didn't wish to have this conversation. Not at any time, not at any place. And  _especially_ not in a competitive setting where her mind needed to be focused entirely on her performance.

"Wow."

For the first time, Diana glanced down from Beatrix to actually look into the dark brown eyes that were staring back at her. Chloe's eyebrows were furrowed with a misplaced confusion that made Diana take a deep breath and squeeze her eyes shut to control her temper before proceeding. She turned her attention back to the arena, where a gorgeous chestnut warmblood was just trotting in.

"Chloe, what is it you'd like to say? I don't know how I could make this more clear. I want nothing to do with you," Diana said, trying, unsuccessfully, to keep the malice out of her voice. "But go on with it."

Just being near Chloe put her in such an extreme state of agitation and anxiety that she felt herself squirming in the saddle. She sucked in air, trying to still her gently shaking body by focusing on the horse in the arena. He was pretty, had an Oldenburg brand. And the chrome—he must have cost a fortune.

"Is it so bad to want to apologize?" Chloe asked. "And I was hoping that... maybe... we could start talking again?" She turned to Diana, flashed a hopeful smile. Diana clenched her jaw and ignored it.

"I'm not interested." Diana tightened her grip on the reins, her thighs closing around Beatrix's side as she prepared to move the horse back over to the other riders. Beatrix's ears pricked up at the sudden change in posture. "You can apologize all you want, Chloe, but do it into the mirror. I don't care anymore, and you hurt yourself more than you ever hurt me."

Chloe stepped away from Beatrix, her hand falling uselessly to her side as she turned wide brown eyes back to Diana. The look may have worked a year or two ago, but now it was nothing more than an annoyance. "I just want to try again. I miss you. I miss us."

Diana nudged Beatrix forward with a roll of her eyes. "There is no us."

"Who is she?" Chloe blurted.

She took a deep breath. Turned in the saddle. "I hardly think that's any of your business."

Chloe was biting at her bottom lip. She folded her arms across the front of her peacoat, turning her gaze to the ground as she shrugged. "I just don't understand why you won't just try again. Instead you'd rather take a chance on the unknown." She raised her arms and gestured around her, as though the whole of the world was made up of Akko.

Diana swallowed. Looked skyward. Let one hand fall onto Beatrix's withers with a squeeze that she hoped would give her strength.

"Chloe, I would rather take a chance on free-falling into a pit of ravenous vipers than waste any more of my time on you," Diana hissed—and walked away.

* * *

 _Known_. Adj. Recognized, familiar, or within the scope of knowledge.

 _Unknown_. Adj. Not familiar, without the knowledge of.

Which... was Akko?

She stared out through the window of the van, past the rolling hills and the barricade of trees and late afternoon sun that lingered in a deep blue sky. Akko's leg was pressing against hers and she thought about the touch, she thought about Akko, she thought about Chloe.

She had pulled a rail in her class. Though she'd come in first under saddle, it no longer mattered. The fault had moved her out of the ribbons for her first class over fences and would not be redeemable in the next day, even if she won both of her classes. Her interaction with Chloe had brought her to fumble her focus, had caused her to tense with anxiety that fed directly into Beatrix and resulted a whole host of problems. She was lucky that Beatrix was reliable, because the mare automatically picked up where she fell short. But the horse couldn't carry the weight of the burden herself. The rail was Diana's fault and Diana's fault alone.

Not that she particularly cared about her standing in the York Show. She would likely still sweep the top position in the National standings with the current points she had and was still building on. But it wasn't the security of her ranking that made her not care. It was the fact that her mind was elsewhere, that the inside of her body was still retching from her conversation with Chloe. Thinking about Chloe was like laying down and having somebody throw a rock onto her chest. Seeing Chloe was a brick dropped from a high-rise.  _Talking_ to Chloe was a meteor that smashed through the atmosphere and impaled her deep into the earth.

Possibly the most upsetting aspect of the interaction was the last words that left Chloe's mouth.

_Instead, you'd rather take a chance on the unknown._

She knew that Chloe's words shouldn't hold weight. Especially in the area of romance. Especially when it came to Akko, who Chloe didn't even  _know_.

But they did, because it was hard to dismiss somebody that she had loved for two years. It was hard to dismiss somebody who had known her like the back of her hand.

Akko was sweet. She was kind and understanding. She was a good listener. She was funny, even if at times it was unintentional and came at her expense. She was... Akko. Nothing more, nothing less.

But was she known?

Was it worth the chance, or would Akko just be standing next to Beatrix in two years at a show six hours away from home and begging Diana to let her have another chance because she'd royally screwed up and banged some dude at a college party because she had low self-esteem and absolutely no regard for-

Her thoughts were spiraling and there was  _no_  basis for it, but the fear was real and it was palpable and the pain of possibility hit her like that meteor all over again.

Diana excused herself to the washroom to take a shower as soon as she got back to their room. She felt guilty facing Akko. She felt guilty thinking the worst of a girl who had been nothing but kind, who had been nothing but exactly what Diana needed her to be. Her whole body ached and she just needed to be alone more than anything else.

She stood in the shower and cried. She cried as the hot water flushed her skin red, as it pruned the soft skin of her fingers. She cried as the stream rose in rivulets around her ankles to spiral upwards, thick and humid. She cried with her hands pressed against the wall, her hair stuck to her temples, draped in front of her eyes, across her shoulders, down her back.

She cried because Akko was sitting outside that door and she was the unknown. She cried because Chloe  _had_  been known and failed her anyway.

When she'd finally composed herself enough to leave the washroom, her eyes had fallen on Akko and with a sharp intake of air she remembered that they had a date. Their second date, which Akko had asked her on, which Akko was surely waiting for.

Diana wanted to go. Badly. But she couldn't. She felt like she was naked on sharp rocks, like she was held together by a single thread that was straining with the weight of her emotions, threatening to loose the whole of her. The last of Chloe's impact burst through her cracked walls with the force of an enraged army and she fell at the hands of her worst enemy.

"There's... pub... pretty... mood. Somewhere else? Never..." Akko's voice was a distant murmur, white noise to the background of her screaming mind, her racing heart.

"I... um. Do you mind if we take a rain check?"

Akko stared.

"I... would like to go," Diana managed to choke out. "But not tonight."

She couldn't do it. There was no reason to subject Akko to the stupid, childish emotions that were running through her. No. Akko didn't deserve that. She deserved better. Better than Diana. Better than... this.

"Diana." Akko had risen, stepped forward. "What's wrong?"

The kindness that sparkled in those bright red eyes scared her and she'd turn and fled. The last thing she needed was for Akko to see her cry. To see her weak. And so she ran to the place where she always did in those rare moments when shit hit the fan and she couldn't handle it herself.

Her friends.

"Diana?"

Barbara had answered the pounding on their door and Diana felt herself fall inside, her fingers pressed against the bridge of her nose as she struggled in vain to regulate her breath and fight the tears that stung at the corner of her eyes. But it was no use—Hannah and Barbara knew her well—and soon the black-haired girl had engulfed her in a tight hug.

Hannah emerged from the shower, draped in only a towel with her skin still flushed from the heat and her auburn hair damp around her shoulders. But upon seeing her friend in the state she was in, she quickly threw on whatever clothes she found first and joined Diana and Barbara on the edge of one of their beds.

"I'm assuming this is about Chloe," Barbara had said. And though Diana got the impression her friend was talking to Hannah, she answered anyway, choking back her sobs and sniffling against the back of her hand.

"Why does she," she took a sharp, rattling breath, "still get to me?"

"Because you let her have control," Hannah said bluntly, one hand coming to resting on Diana's knee and squeezing in an attempt at comfort as she sat back and analyzed her friend. "You've got to learn to just  _ignore_ her."

Barbara sighed heavily, shooting teal eyes at Hannah that said,  _"Let me handle this,"_ before taking over. "Diana... what she did to you won't ever  _not_  hurt," she started. Her voice was low and quiet as she held the taller girl against her, fingers running up and down the other girl's upper arm. "But it doesn't have to have this kind of effect on you. Anything she says is going to be manipulative and stupid and you just have to remind yourself of that."

"I  _know_ ," Diana moaned. She sniffled and swiped at her nose, inhaling deeply and rocking back to sit up straight. Hannah and Barbara were both staring at her with a look of pity that made her uncomfortable.

"It's hard not to. I get that," Barbara murmured. She squeezed her fingers around Diana's arm, reaching up with her other hand to brush the damp blonde hair out of her eyes. Diana was staring straight down at her hands, at her flexing fingers, her blonde eyelashes wet with tears. "But it's time to forget about her and move on."

Diana squeezed her eyes shut, her hands clamping into fists. "It's not that. It's not... Chloe."

"Then what is it?" Hannah asked without hesitation. She was running a hairbrush through her wet hair, combing out the knots with her lips pulled into a grimace at the discomfort.

"It's Akko."

Hannah lowered the brush, leveling Diana with narrowed eyes. "What's this have to do with Akko?"

"What if..." Diana sniffled, tilting her chin back and breathing deep through her nose to quell the threat of new tears. "What if she does the same thing?"

"That's  _stupid_ ," Hannah blurted.

Barbara's finger shot up in a hush motion, eyes widening at Hannah in a warning. She proceeded, tentative and quiet. "Diana, you can't go around thinking everyone is going to hurt you the same way Chloe did."

"No  _shit_ ," Hannah said, ignoring Barbara's glare. "Akko's not the sharpest tool in the shed but she is the complete  _opposite_ of Chloe. Do you really think we'd be trying to-"

" _Hannah._ "

Hannah grumbled and planted her face in her palm, sighing heavily and looking away.

"Diana." Barbara's voice was slow, careful. Kind and reassuring. "What makes you think that Akko would do that to you?"

Diana rolled her shoulders in a childish shrug, her nostril tweaking upwards to curl the skin of her nose. Her jaw clenched as she stared up at the ceiling and tried to make gravity force her tears back inside.

"I don't know," she mumbled. "She's just... unknown."

"Your whole life is unknown. Tomorrow is unknown. Hell, Diana, the next  _minute_ is unknown. Since when has that ever stopped you?" Barbara brought one hand to cover Diana's and squeezed, feeling the fingers go limp with the touch. "There are going to be what-ifs all the time. And not just Akko. But..." Barbara hesitated, glancing to Hannah, who nodded a confirmation before continuing. "But you like her, right?"

"Yes," Diana mumbled. "I like her... a lot."

Hannah couldn't take it anymore. She rose, the hairbrush falling to the ground as her hands flung to her sides in exasperation. She whirled to face her two friends. "Then what's the bloody issue, Diana? You've got a super cute girl sitting alone next door and you're running away because your  _ex-girlfriend_ is a bloody cunt! Get your shit together and go  _do_  something about it, Cavendish!"

Diana's white-blonde eyebrows stitched together as she raised a watery blue gaze to stare at Hannah. The auburn-haired girl stared back, her face red with irritation.

"Akko is  _not_  Chloe. She can be dumb as a bag of bricks but she's not that miserable French chav that you wasted two years on. You weren't even this happy with Chloe-" she shoved a finger in Diana's face when the blonde's mouth opened to say something, "-and don't even try to argue that. You like her, so go  _like_  her and put Chloe in the past where she belongs."

Blue eyes turned to teal and Barbara simply shrugged. "She's right, you know."

"But what if-"

" _Shut the bloody hell up with the what-ifs!_ " Hannah nearly shouted. "If I hear one more what-if out of your mouth I'm going to snap! That girl-" she swung her arm out to the side, pointing at the wall and the direction of Diana's room, "-has done absolutely nothing wrong. She doesn't deserve for you to act shady and run off to go cry in your friend's hotel room about something she didn't even do."

"How are you one to talk?" Diana snapped. "What about Amanda?"

Hannah's nostrils flared with anger as she glared down at the blonde. "Look, I know you're hurting right now, but there is absolutely no need for you to bring up Amanda and try to turn the hurt on me. That was my fault, alright?" She shoved her fist to her chest for emphasis.

"Hannah-"

"No, shut up, Barbs. If she wants to know, she can know.  _I_ fucked things up with Amanda because I was scared and ran away just like you are right now." Her cheeks were so red that Diana could barely see the constellation of freckles beneath her eyes, across her nose. "I ran and hid like a frightened child and didn't even  _try_."

Diana's lips pursed shut as she gazed at her friend. She'd always chalked it up to something that Amanda had done. "Pardon?"

"You heard me," Hannah grumbled. "I could have had my heart broken into a thousand pieces by that girl. But you know what's worse? The fact that I never even got to find out, because I was stupid and afraid. She could have been the love of my life for all I know. I was a complete arsehole and pushed her away."

Barbara was frowning down at her lap. She'd let go of Diana's hands long ago and was fidgeting with her own fingers in awkward silence.

"So go the bloody hell over there," Hannah murmured after a long quiet, the volume of her voice lowering drastically as she stared Diana directly in the eyes, "And take a chance on the god-damn  _unknown_."

* * *

Akko was asleep.

At least, that's what Diana thought. By the time she'd squeezed back into their room it was long past dark and she'd been gone for hours. Hours that she needed to compose herself, to not look so distraught and strung out and to get her feelings in line. Hannah and Barbara had let her rest for a while in one of their beds before cleaning herself up to go back to Akko.

On the way out, she had made sure to turn around and ask:

"Question. Why do you have two beds in your room?"

Only to be shoved out without another word.

The only sound in the room was the quiet murmur of the wide-screen television on the desk across from the bed. It was some kind of paranormal show. Japanese subtitles flashed across the bottom as ghostly bright eyes from the investigator glowed against the night vision camera.

Akko was curled onto her side, facing away. Brunette hair, still slightly dark with dampness, splayed across the white pillow and sheets. She'd showered and was in just her white t-shirt and the red sleep shorts she always wore. Her legs were long, pale, smooth. Her toes curled against the comforter.

There was a partially open pizza box on the nightstand and a half finished bottle of water next to it.

A pang of guilt struck Diana so hard that she had to move one hand out to grasp the wall as she squeezed half-lidded eyes against the fog of sadness that impaled her mind. She could have been out with Akko. The other girl could have been laughing and enjoying herself, but Diana had left her all alone while she cried over something completely ridiculous.

She did not deserve Akko.

The small, thin body twitched and Akko rolled over, sleepy eyes blinking at Diana as she stood in the entryway.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," Diana replied.

Akko sat up, her jaw rolling to suppress a yawn (she failed) as she stretched her arms above her head and let out a grunt of satisfaction. "Are you okay? I was worried."

Diana hesitated. She stepped forward, teeth clamping down on her bottom lip as she rolled the skin thoughtfully. "I'm fine... now," she murmured.

Akko's arms lowered, crimson eyes flickering over Diana's unmoving body before their gazes finally met. She brought her hands to rest in her lap, fingers intertwining together. She frowned and Diana felt another stab in her gut. "Was it something I did?"

"No, no." Diana's eyebrows twitched and she stepped forward, her breath catching in her throat at the uncertain expression that Akko was wearing. "No, of course not."

"I just... I saw your ex today," Akko said slowly. "She was with you and... I didn't know if maybe... I was just going to watch you ride and..."

" _No_ ," Diana said quickly, shaking her head. Her jaw rolled and she closed her eyes in an attempt to gather her thoughts, her breath, her resolve. "She... was unwelcome. I am very much done with her." She swallowed. "And this had nothing to do with you. You're... you're great, Akko. I'm sorry."

Akko shrugged. She glanced at the television, at the mumble of the hosts as they pursued some made up ghost, before looking back down at her lap. "You don't need to be sorry. I understand."

She didn't. How could she? Diana knew it, she could sense it. And so she walked forward until she was only inches in front of the other girl and stared down at her, at the wide red eyes that met her own, at the kindness that reflected inside them. "Akko, there is..."

Diana hesitated. She lifted a shaking hand and brought it to the side of Akko's face, cupped the warm cheek, ran her fingers over the soft skin of her temple. Her hair was clean and smooth and danced against her skin like liquid as Diana threaded her fingers into it. "There is no one I want more than you. I'm a complete idiot and I let somebody who doesn't matter get under my skin. I'm sorry."

Akko took a sharp, shuddering breath, her eyelids drooping slightly as she stared back at the blonde. Her lips parted a little bit, then closed, then parted again, and finally she said, "You're not an idiot."

Their stare met in a stalemate. Akko was quivering underneath Diana's hand as though she was scared to move another inch and, to be honest, Diana didn't blame her. All she had done so far was run, was throw the girl's kindness and good will into the ocean and run in the other direction while the waves consumed her and yet she'd stayed there on the shore, fighting the current and the tug of time. It wasn't fair and Diana knew it, she knew that she was wrong-

"I got pizza," Akko whispered, the corner of her mouth cricking in a forced smile.

"I..."

Diana choked down the doubt, the insecurity, the last two years of her life and the entire god-damn ordeal with a girl who didn't matter, who  _wouldn't_ matter anymore, and she leaned in.

"I don't want the pizza," she breathed, and her lips crashed against Akko's.

Akko exhaled a hard breath against her cheek, her hands rising to wrap around Diana's neck and thread into her wavy blonde hair. Soft lips pressed taut against her own, a tongue darted out to swipe against her bottom lip, and Diana moaned into the kiss and let Akko pull her down. She tasted spicy, but not in a bad way, and she was kissing back with a hunger that Diana hadn't yet felt from her. Before, she had been tentative and slow, following Diana's movements like she was worried she would make a mistake, like she was afraid of her own desire.

Akko couldn't make a mistake. Diana didn't care if she kissed like Beatrix going in for a treat on a hot summer's day with her nostrils dripping snot and sweat. She wanted her, all of her, and so she couldn't be bothered-

But Akko kissed her in a way that made her stomach churn with lust, that made moans rise in the back of her throat to catch behind her teeth in a fight to be free. She made Diana's whole body burn and throb, made blue eyes cloud with desire, made lungs beg for air and blood pulse beneath tender skin.

Akko grunted against her weight as they collapsed onto the bed. She broke away, panting heavily as she stared back into Diana's eyes. Diana could see exactly what she, herself, felt. The craving, the ache, the  _need_  to be close and be wanted and to  _know_ that. And she wanted Akko to feel wanted. She didn't want to hold back anymore, she didn't want for Akko to feel like she was on a one-way street and Diana wasn't at the end.

Akko tilted her head, and Diana fell to meet her.

Her heart thrummed against her chest, hard and relentless, pummeling in her ears like war drums as her lips moved against Akko's with a hunger that she had  _never_ felt with Chloe. Because Akko wasn't Chloe. Akko was Akko, charming and oblivious and sweet and so  _fucking_ gorgeous, and Diana couldn't get enough.

So what if Akko was unknown. If the unknown felt this good, maybe the end result, whatever it would be, would be worth it.

Besides, unknown didn't have to be  _bad_.

"Diana," Akko breathed, her eyes rolling back as Diana's lips left her mouth and trailed down over her jawbone and against her neck where she ran her tongue against the sensitive skin. " _Kuso_."

She wanted the unknown.

Her leg slipped between Akko's thighs and pressed forward, meeting soft flesh and hard bone and receiving a gasp of surprise and pleasure as Akko tilted her chin back and panted.

" _Diana_ ," Akko mewled again. Her fingers clenched into blonde curls and she pulled Diana's lips back to her own, kissing hard and hungry and confident. Their tongues snaked together, tentative at first but then forceful and messy, lips slipping and sliding between gasps and moans. The ache between Diana's legs was begging,  _pleading_  for relief.

Diana began moving her hips. She cradled Akko's head as she broke away and stared into the wide ruby eyes that were gazing back. Akko's pink lips were slightly parted and quick, heavy pants slid out as her hips rose to meet the thigh that grinded against her. The other girl's hands slid down to grasp Diana's shirt, clenching the fabric tight in her fingers.

"I want you," Diana whispered. She gripped Akko's fingers in her hair and pulled her head to the side, lowering her mouth to let out a long exhale and a breathy gasp of a moan into her ear.

"Dō shiyō," Akko blurted suddenly and Diana pulled back in surprise to see the girl's pupils dilate as her breath slipped into fast, desperate gasps. The girl struggled to push her away. "Ussō, Diana—no, ussō, ussō, ussō-" Her mouth opened and her hips bucked up suddenly as she shouted, " _No! Fuck!_ " just as a gasping, shuddering moan echoed from the back of her throat and her eyes rolled back as Diana watched. Fingers clamped down hard and clawed against Diana's waist through her shirt, white-knuckled and desperate for purchase.

"Oh my God..." Diana heard herself say. She was panting, too, but from the lack of oxygen, not from...

Akko shook beneath her. The girl's face was a bright, crimson red and wide eyes sparked with fear as they slowly focused and found Diana's.

Diana felt her jaw slacken as she stared down at the mess of a girl beneath her, at the trembling body and the muscles that had gone limp against the sheets. Her eyebrows knit together in confusion and her nostrils flared for air as her lips parted and she exhaled a breathy, "Did you... just..."

"I...  _oh_ ," Akko squeaked, her voice shrill and scared. Suddenly her arms were grappling desperately and Diana found herself being shoved roughly off as Akko scrambled to her feet and nearly fell off the bed as she bolted away. The washroom door slammed shut behind her, the walls shaking with the blow of the wood against the frame. She could hear Akko whimpering behind the door, muffled Japanese pulsing above the gentle murmur of the television in random bursts.

Akko had just...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stayed up until 1 A.M. writing this because I could *not* stop.


	23. Anthills, Duck Ponds, and Horse [REDACTED]

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

_**FILE UNDER** _ _: MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENTS OF ATSUKO KAGARI'S LIFE_

_**CLEAR SLOT NO. 1 – MOVE TO SLOT NO. 2** _

_**REPLACE WITH** _ _: CASE NO. 2117: ACCIDENTAL ORGASM WHILE MAKING OUT WITH DIANA CAVENDISH_

_**DATE** _ _: 3 NOVEMBER 2018_

_**IDEAL OUTCOME** _ _: DEATH_

_**WORST POSSIBLE OUTCOME** _ _: ANYTHING BUT DEATH_

_**CRINGE LEVEL:** _ _MAXIMUM_

_**LIKELIHOOD OF DAILY RECOLLECTION** _ _: GUARANTEED_

There were three very important factors that led to Case No. 2117 AKA The No. 1 Most Embarrassing Moment of Atsuko Kagari's Life AKA The Great Humiliation of 2018.

First was the way Diana was kissing her. The blonde's lips had met hers with a hunger that made her lower abdomen tug hard, that made her gasp into the mouth that was against her own in both surprise and excitement. It was different from when they made out after their first date. While the first time had been… heavy, by Akko's standards, it had been far more reserved compared to  _this_. She knew that she wasn't ready to go all the way, but there was no harm in kissing—Akko could stop Diana at any time and she knew that—and so Akko certainly didn't want something that felt so good to end. Besides, as long as their clothes were on, she was good, right?

Second was the thigh that slid between her own and pressed hard against her core. It hit just the right spot and sent chills pulsing through her entire body, made her insides weak with desire. It was the first time anybody had ever touched her there and, sure, it was jeans against the thin layer of fabric that was her shorts, but to Akko's body it might as well have been skin on skin because it felt so impossibly  _good_. Diana had started rocking her body, her thigh rubbing against Akko with every push and tug of her torso, and her lips had moved from her mouth to her neck and… wow, is this what making out with Diana Cavendish was really like? She had moved with the blonde unconsciously, her hips meeting every slow grind with a pressure that made her choke on her gasps. The intense feeling between her legs was making her weak and shaky. But… as long as they had their clothes on, she was good…  _right_?

And third, the one that had caused her to completely come undone, was when Diana whispered in that raspy, breathy voice: "I want you." The hottest girl she had ever laid eyes on wanted  _her!_ Akko!

Diana had leaned forward and warm breath had drifted against the shell of her ear, followed by a low moan so close and hot that it pushed her over an edge she didn't even know she was  _close_  to.

But she had her  _clothes on so she should have been good!_

"Dō shiyō!" she had heard herself yelp. She had to get Diana off of her and fast or she was going to…

She was going to…

_No!_

_Abort!_

**MISSION CRITICAL**

She started flailing underneath the weight of the taller girl as she plead to Diana, to any God that ever existed for any society, to her miserable, stupid body for failing her in the  _worst_ possible way at the  _worst_ possible time—

"Ussō!" she yelled. "Diana, stop! No! Ussō, ussō, ussō!"

Her leg muscles were twitching. Diana's thigh was still against her and moved one final time as the other girl sat up and stared at her with confusion.

_Oh._

_Fuck._

It happened.

She felt her hips buck at the last bit of contact that slammed her unwilling body over that precipice. Her muscles seized and contracted and she whimpered, "No! Fuck!" in a final plea for mercy before her back arched off the bed and a low moan of betrayal that she didn't even know was knocking at the door slipped from her mouth and into the air. She gasped into the sensation—incredible but so fucking horrible—and clawed at Diana's shirt in a desperate attempt to ground herself from the joke that had become her reality. If Diana'd had any doubt, if Akko had any hope of playing things off, it was gone.

She… just had an orgasm. Underneath Diana Cavendish. With her clothes on. While they were making out. There was literally  _nothing_  in the world that could possibly be more humiliating than that—not even the time she'd fallen into the duck pond and thought she was drowning until she realized it was a foot deep—and she wanted an instant death, a quick escape.

"Oh my God," she heard Diana say. Her blurry vision slowly cleared to take in the girl that was gaping at her in disbelief. Platinum eyebrows were stitched together in confusion as blue eyes searched her face.

Akko's face was burning so hot that she thought it might be on fire. She felt herself sweating as she sucked in quivering breaths, her nostrils flaring desperately in an attempt to fill her lungs and steady her shaking body. She could feel how wet her thighs were and knew that her shorts had to be soaked through.

"Did you… just…"

**ACTIVATE ESCAPE**

She sucked in a shaking breath, her lips falling open and grasping for words that she couldn't find. The embarrassment of what just happened was poison in her veins. "I…" she started, but nothing came so she just squeaked a useless, " _Oh_ ," and squirmed her way out from under the other girl to bolt to the washroom before she had to look at that pale, beautiful face for another moment.

She wanted to scream.

She wanted to cry.

She wanted to be  _very_  far away.

She buried her face into her hands and stared into the mirror for a moment, taking in her red and hot face, her disheveled hair, her quaking shoulders. She felt so guilty and so miserably  _disgusting_. A slew of unconscious Japanese slipped from her throat as she turned away from the reflection that made her sick and threw herself onto the cold marble floor, wrapping her arms tight around her legs and curling up into the absolute smallest ball that she could fit herself into.

"Akko?"

Diana's quiet voice came from outside the door, followed by a gentle rap of the knuckles against the thick wood.

Akko said nothing. She did  _not_  want to face Diana. How could she? Diana was going to think she was a complete freak. It wasn't like  _she_  had lost control of her own body and humiliated herself in front of the girl she liked.

No, perfect Diana couldn't do anything wrong. Leave it to Akko to screw everything up in the worst possible way. In the most disgusting, creepy, inappropriate way.

"Akko."

The door handle turned—kuso, she hadn't locked it in her panic—and pushed slowly open. Diana hesitated outside before slipping inside. Akko could hear her feet against the hard floor, could feel her presence as she moved closer. She did not lift her head.

She wanted to cry.

She didn't, because she had no control over own body,  _apparently_.

"Akko, honey."

The pet name made her squeeze her eyes shut, hard.

"Are you okay?"

Diana knelt next to her. Akko felt a warm hand close over her shoulder, a thumb gently caress against the soft fabric of her sleeve.

" _No_ ," Akko groaned, her voice muffled into her knees. "I'm not."

"There's nothing…" Diana hesitated, her voice shaking a little. Fear? Uncertainty? Disgust? Akko didn't know. "There's nothing wrong with what just happened."

Akko finally lifted her head, leveling red eyes with Diana and huffing out a quick breath before grinding her teeth together. "There is  _everything_ wrong with what just happened." Her tongue darted out of her mouth and wet her lips as she looked away. "I'm so humiliated," she moaned.

"I know," Diana said quietly. "I get that. But… it's okay. Really." A beat. A breath. "It… wasn't your first… was it?"

"Of  _course_ not," Akko snapped with a little more venom than she meant. "But I think it's a little early to discuss my self-care regimen!"

"I… I wasn't…" Diana swallowed and looked down, tightening her fingers against Akko's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do anything that made you uncomfortable and… I would have stopped if…"

"It's not your fault," Akko whined. She bit down on her lip, unintentionally drawing a little bit of blood. The metallic taste scorched against her tongue. "I didn't know…  _that_ … would happen."

Diana sat down in front of her, her legs tucked neatly underneath her body. She reached forward with her spare hand and brushed Akko's bangs out of her eyes. "There's nothing wrong with it."

"It was gross and weird," Akko replied. She took a sharp breath, staring pointedly down at the scar on her left knee—she'd fallen off a lesson horse and landed on a sharp rock years ago—and let words she was trying to hold back tumble out of her mouth. "You're never going to want to be my girlfriend now."

"What are you even talking about?" Diana replied. Her fingers threaded through Akko's long hair and combed in a repetitive motion in an attempt at reassurance. "That's ridiculous, Akko."

"There's no way," Akko whimpered. She let her forehead fall back against her knees and let out a frustrated groan. "I was going to ask you tonight and now I could never… you would never... I'm so stupid, I'm  _so stupid!_ "

She wanted to hit something.

She didn't, because she didn't believe in hitting things.

"Look, Akko, I would love to… you know what, maybe we should have this discussion when you're not so upset and we're not sitting on the washroom floor." Diana chuckled, but it sounded forced, nervous. "I… I brought you a pair of my sweatpants," she added cautiously, rising to grab the pair of grey sweatpants she'd placed on the counter next to the sink and holding them out to Akko. "I just… assumed you were…" A furious blush lit into Diana's face and she bit her lip, turned away. "I could just tell you weren't wearing any underwear and—"

Akko wanted to die.

She didn't. She wasn't lucky enough.

"Thank you," she muttered. She looked away.

"Just come back out, please?" Diana murmured. It was more of a statement than a question. She licked her lips and gave Akko one final glance—Akko supposed she was waiting for her to say something—before leaving and closing the door behind her.

There was a deep, burning sense of shame as Akko cleaned herself up and slid into Diana's sweatpants. They were too big and nearly hung off her hips and the legs were long and bunched at her ankles. She crumpled her shorts into her fists, washing her hands for a very long time and avoiding her reflection in the mirror before taking a deep breath and going back out into the world that had played a horrible joke on her.

Diana was sitting on the edge of the bed. She'd changed into pajamas—an old t-shirt from Royal Windsor and a pair of shorts—and turned her gaze up hopefully when she heard Akko walk out. Her blonde hair was messy and swept back from where she'd run her hand through it.

"Hey," she said.

Akko swallowed and said nothing. She stood sheepishly, childishly, with her shorts in her hands and her blush cropping up new.

"Come here."

Akko shoved her shorts deep into her duffel and pulled the sweatpants up for the second time since she put them on, hesitating before stepping towards Diana. She stopped right in front of the other girl, her head lowered with shame and her teeth worrying her bottom lip. "I'm really sorry," she murmured.

"Akko, there is no need to be sorry." Diana's arms closed around her waist and pulled her forward, held her closer. Akko stood still, unsure, her muscles rigid with worry. "I definitely don't think that you're gross or disgusting or any of those things…" her voice trailed off and she looked up, blue eyes hopeful. "If anything, it's… kind of a compliment, you know?"

Akko groaned and lifted her hands to bury her face into them.

"Okay, too soon for patting myself on the back. Got it. I know you think it's embarrassing but… look, come here, would you?"

Diana's arms left Akko's waist and her legs scrambled against the edge of the bed as she pushed herself back, clambering onto the mattress and pulling the sheets open in an invitation. The television was still on but it wasn't Ghost Adventures anymore. Akko rolled her tongue against her teeth in thought before turning the table lamp out and sliding under the covers. The sheets felt cool and refreshing against her bare feet and she pulled the comforter up as much as she dared without trying to disappear (even though she wanted to) and laid back against the pillow.

Akko felt Diana's arm snake around her waist, pull her in. She let herself fold into the embrace, pushing her face into the crevice between Diana's shoulder and neck and sighing into her warm body. Fingers started stroking through her hair, comforting and soft.

She wanted to cry.

She did.

"Shh, it's okay." Diana tightened her grip. Akko could feel the other girl's jaw working against the top of her head. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about. I  _promise_ I have had more embarrassing things happen to me."

"Doubt it," Akko mumbled into Diana's shirt. She sniffled and wrapped one arm around Diana's torso, gripping into the t-shirt and holding tight. Being held felt good, even if she didn't think she deserved it. Even if she didn't think she deserved Diana.

Diana hesitated, her chest pressing against Akko as she took a deep breath. "Two years ago I was handling a teaser stallion and he ejaculated all over my legs while I was pulling him away from the mare," she muttered. Her shoulders shrugged against the sheets. "It was in front of my cousins and a barn hand. I got called Horse Whisperer for months."

"Sounds like me and that stallion have a lot in common," Akko grumbled. Her jaw clenched and she pressed her hand into Diana's waist, feeling the soft skin beneath her shirt.

"Okay." Diana chuckled and tilted her head back. The hand that had paused in her hair continued to thread through, monotonous and pleasant. "Bad one. I fell off Beatrix last year in the cross-country field and landed in what I thought was an anthill and stripped in front of Hannah, Barbara, Amanda, and Miss Meridies. Turned out it was only dirt."

Akko felt herself smiling through the slowly leaking tears. She closed her eyes and nuzzled into Diana's neck, moving her fingers in an unconscious stroke against Diana's side. "Did they laugh?"

"What do you think?" Diana muttered. "Of  _course_  they laughed. Who wouldn't laugh at a Cavendish rolling around on the ground and stripping to her underwear while screaming bloody murder?"

"I would laugh," Akko said, chuckling.

"Exactly."

"I fell in a duck pond while tossing them bread and thought I was drowning for nearly two minutes before I realized it wasn't deep at all and by that point everybody in the park was staring at me," Akko muttered. "Tonight tops that."

A pause, and finally, "Bread is bad for ducks."

" _I was twelve_ ," Akko grumbled.

Diana hummed, her fingers moving around to cup Akko's temple. The blonde leaned down and planted a chaste kiss to her forehead. "I still don't think what happened is embarrassing in the least," she said.

"And if you had an orgasm with your clothes on under the hottest girl alive?" Akko asked. She tilted her head up, a soft exhale slipping from her nostrils to coast over Diana's neck. She had stopped crying minutes ago. She trailed her hand up, over Diana's chest, to press against the wet spot that her eyes had left and experimentally touch the bulging collarbone under her fingers. Diana breathed in sharply and squirmed a little bit.

"Not possible," Diana replied. "I was on top of the hottest girl alive. But… fair point, I suppose I would be a bit embarrassed as well."

"See."

"Though since it wasn't me, it was really hot."

Akko rolled her eyes, her fingers trailing across the collarbone to the sternum, then up to the soft skin of the neck. She could feel Diana swallow beneath her touch. "Very funny," she mumbled.

"I'm serious," Diana murmured. She tilted her head back, her lips moving against Akko's forehead as she spoke. "That was probably the single hottest moment of my life to date."

"Well I'm glad my pain is your pleasure." Akko's lips brushed against Diana's neck and she kissed gently, experimentally. Diana smelled good, clean, like expensive shampoo and whatever perfume she wore that always clung to her skin in a way that made Akko want to get closer. A pause. "Why did you think it was ants?"

"There were tiny flecks of black dirt all over me," Diana grumbled. Akko could feel her skin heating beneath her and held back a laugh. "What would you have thought it was?"

"Dirt."

"Smartass."

Akko chuckled. She kissed Diana's jawbone—she wanted to cover the whole of her in kisses, but now wasn't the time and she wasn't about to risk the earlier incident happening again—and said, "I wish I could have seen that."

Diana sighed. "I'm glad you didn't. That or the horse ejaculate. Though I'm sure you would have thought no worse of me, am I right?"

"No," Akko admitted. "I wouldn't have."

She felt better. Diana's stories didn't take away the humiliation that she felt at the events of the evening. No, she would be thinking of that moment for the rest of her life and cringing into herself. But Diana was kind and understanding and knew how to take the pain of insecurity away and that was nice. Maybe, one day, she'd be able to laugh about it. Not any time soon, though, that was for sure.

"The tele is still on," Diana said after a long quiet.

"Mhmm."

"I refuse to sleep with that on."

"Turn it off, then," Akko said.

With a sharp intake of air, Diana squirmed out from underneath Akko and sat up. Her platinum hair was nearly white in the moonlight, her blue eyes glistening as she scanned the bed and the rest of the room. "Where's the remote?"

"Dunno."

" _Akko_."

Akko smirked up at her. Her eyes felt tired and heavy from crying, but she really didn't want to fall asleep. It was her last night alone with Diana and she wanted to stay awake forever, to enjoy the closeness and the content feeling that throbbed inside of her. "Might be in the bed."

Diana sighed and began digging under the pillows and around the sheets. "Where in the bed?"

"Might be underneath me. Kinda feels like it."

"Bloody hell, you're incorrigible. Get up, then."

"Can't. Dead."

Diana brought one hand to her face and passed her palm over it, dragging the skin down as she groaned. "Really, Akko?"

"This isn't Akko, this is Akko's corpse. Leave a message." She closed her eyes for emphasis, but she couldn't stop the bright grin that had sprouted across her face.

Hands started digging underneath her body and Akko squirmed at the sensation, an unexpected giggle erupting from her throat.

"Where is it?" Diana grumbled. But she was grinning, too. Her fingers moved in for the tickle, groping against Akko's sides as the brunette started squealing and twisting. She raised her hands in front of her body, struggling to fight off the sudden attack in a slew of shrieks.

"Stop, stop!" Akko begged, her giggle morphing into a full laugh as she slapped at Diana's upper arms. Diana was laughing, too, and she stilled her arms and grinned down at her. Panting, Akko raised one hand over her head and slapped at the nightstand until she found the remote. She turned the television off and dropped it back down. It hit the edge of the table and bounced to the floor.

"… Seriously?" Diana said.

Akko hummed and smirked. She stared back for a moment before whispering, "Thank you."

Diana just smiled. It was lazy. Effortless. Beautiful. Akko felt her chest tighten.

Akko reached up and grabbed the collar of Diana's shirt, her fingers wrapping tight into the fabric, and pulled the blonde down into a kiss.

Warm breath mingled together as their lips touched with a shock that started at the top of Akko's head and ended in the fingertips that she pushed up to thread into Diana's hair. Her thumb brushed against the shell of an ear and she felt Diana sigh against her lips.

There wasn't the desperate lust that had been there earlier. No, this kiss was different. It was soft and slow, a gentle and silent conversation of unspoken words and hidden emotion. It lasted for a long time but Akko breathed in rhythm through her nose so that she wouldn't have to break away.

Diana pressed her forehead down against Akko's and pulled back only a tiny bit, the skin of her lips still tickling against Akko's, and let out a long, heavy sigh. Cerulean blue eyes were searching Akko's. "I like you quite a lot, Akko Kagari."

"Good," Akko said, before realizing that the sentiment should be returned and said, stupidly, "I like you too."

Diana drifted away, leaving Akko in a coldness that didn't last long because the girl fell back against the pillows and opened her arms. Akko gratefully slid back into place, nestling against Diana's chest and burying her face into that perfect crevice that was so very comfortable.

There was a long silence in which Akko was sure Diana had fallen asleep. The rise and fall of her chest came in an even rhythm and her hand had frozen in its ministration where she'd been scratching the back of Akko's scalp. But, finally, a whisper.

"About that girlfriend thing."

Akko huffed, keeping her eyes shut. Sleep wasn't far off. "I refuse to combine the best day of my life with the most embarrassing day of my life. Check in tomorrow."

"I can understand that."

She felt Diana moving around her. The gentle tapping of thumbs on a phone screen. The thud as it hit the sheets and the warmth that returned when the blonde enveloped her once more. "Goodnight, Akko."

"'Night," Akko replied, though she barely got the word out before she drifted off, content and happy and relaxed in Diana's arms, in the presence of someone who cared so much to make her feel better, someone who she wanted to make just as happy.

Life sucked, but it was still good.

* * *

Diana's alarm shrilled through the room, loud and obnoxious and making Akko want to pick up the phone and throw it out the window and onto a motorway where it would be run over by the largest, fastest semi-truck and smashed into a million pieces.

"The hell," Akko moaned. Her eyelids were heavy with sleep and she forced them open, vision hazy as she glanced around the room. It was still dark out—it wasn't possibly time to wake up, was it? She felt like she'd  _just_  gone to sleep. "What time is it? Turn that thing off."

She was still in Diana's arms. She felt the other girl swatting her hand around to find the phone. The screen was bright and blinding in the dark and Akko felt herself shiver away from it. She turned and glanced to the nightstand, to the digital clock that flashed bright red numbers back at her.

12:01

It was midnight.

Akko sighed heavily and clenched her teeth, rolling back to Diana's arms. But she didn't find them. Diana had turned over and was facing her, her wavy blonde hair wild around her face, her bright blue eyes capturing red.

"Akko," Diana whispered. Her voice was husky and laced with sleep. She brought her hand up and ran it down her temple. Akko leaned into the touch and let her eyes fall shut again. "Be my girlfriend?"

"Huh?"

Akko's eyes flashed back open. She searched Diana's face to see if she was serious. The tired eyes staring back at her were unwavering.

"It's tomorrow," Diana added.

"Did you set an alarm for midnight so you could ask me that?" Akko asked. She licked her lips and snaked an arm around Diana's torso. She was warm and soft, a welcome comfort.

Diana's platinum eyebrows quivered, the corner of her lip pulling into a half-smile. "Yes."

Akko chuckled. It was hoarse and broken with exhaustion and she grinned back. Her hands gripped at Diana's shoulder blade, rippling with muscle underneath her shirt, and said, "Yes."

"Yes?"

Akko nodded against the pillow. "Yes."

"So… yes."

"Please let me go back to sleep, I'll still be your girlfriend in the morning and you can echo me all day long," Akko mumbled. She squeezed her eyes shut and felt Diana sidle closer and pull her in close with a content sigh. The proximity was suffocating and Akko knew she had about thirty seconds before she had to roll over so she could breathe. Diana was grinning into her forehead.

"Okay. Goodnight."

Akko would have responded, but she was already asleep.

* * *

"Hello, gorgeous."

Akko turned from where she was bent over picking out Chariot's hoof to find Diana leaning over the metal stall door and grinning at her. She let the hoof fall to the ground, ignoring the fact that Chariot had picked up her hind in preparation for the next, and rose. She brushed off the dirt on her flannel pants and stepped over to the gate.

Diana was already dressed for the show, her hair and make-up and outfit polished and ready to go. Akko still hadn't even braided her hair—Annabel had promised to do it before she left for her own classes—and she felt messy next to the picture of perfection in front of her. Diana looked like British aristocracy, or the cover girl for an equestrian magazine.

Her heart throbbed at Diana's voice, at Diana's words. She really knew how to make a girl lose her mind.  _That_  was for sure. And she was Akko's girlfriend. Her newly minted, sweet beyond measure, ridiculously hot girlfriend.

She felt herself swelling with happiness and flashed a smile back. "Hey," she said. She wanted to use pet names—she'd tried them out when she was alone, tasted the words on her lips—but she was still too shy and didn't want to sound weird.

Diana unlatched the gate and stepped inside. She held out a Styrofoam cup. "Coffee," she said. "Two creams, three sugars—you should probably cut down on that, it's a significant amount—"

"Girlfriend, not mother," Akko scolded. She lifted the cup to her lips and took a sip. It was too hot and burnt the tip of her tongue and she crinkled her nose and lowered it. "Thank you."

Diana hummed and held her hand out for Chariot to lip at. The mare quickly became disinterested when she realized there were no treats and turned away. "Good luck today," the blonde said. "I know you'll do great."

"You, too," Akko replied. Diana leaned down and kissed her gently on the corner of the mouth and Akko felt her cheeks heating as she huffed and looked down.

"Cute," Diana mumbled. She turned to leave.

Akko felt her hand shoot out and she grabbed the sleeve of Diana's grey tweed jacket. Diana looked down at the dirty hand that had touched her very clean outfit and she cleared her throat before brushing off the dirt and bringing her eyes to meet Akko's.

Akko lunged forward and kissed her, quick and sloppy, before rocking back onto her heels and grinning. "Just figured you could use some luck too."

"Luck. Yes." Diana's face flared and she brought a closed fist to her mouth to cough delicately into it. She smiled, slow and hesitant. "Thank you."

Akko watched her go, watched her disappear down the aisle to where Beatrix was waiting. The whole weekend had been weird and awkward and amazing. She'd won her first class. She'd seen Diana with Chloe, which was apparently not in the context that she'd been afraid of. There'd been the cancelled date, The Great Humiliation of 2018 (which Akko had decided to call it in her mind), and… Diana was her girlfriend.

"Diana's my girlfriend," Akko whispered out loud, her lips rolling over the words, trying them on for size as she stood next to the pony that was shoving her roughly in the side in an attempt to get treats.

The words felt right.

No, they felt… perfect.

* * *

"You… and  _Diana Cavendish_?" Lotte was nearly shouting through the grin hidden behind the palm of her hand as she stared at Akko, who had walked through the door blurting the news of her weekend—The Great Humiliation of 2018 not included and to never be repeated out loud and in public—and her cemented relationship with Diana. "Can I tell Frank? He is going to be  _so_  happy for you two! He's been shipping it since that night at the Red Stallion! He even mentioned to me, 'Wouldn't it be cute if they were together'? And now you are and it is  _so cute that you're together!_ "

The drive back from York had been long and stiff, but Akko had fallen asleep slumped against Diana with her ribbons in her lap (a first, a second, a fourth, and a Reserve Champion-her times hadn't been as good the second day) and a very at-ease mind. Diana had held her hand between their thighs the entire way as she dozed on and off against the top of Akko's head (which Hannah and Barbara had been visibly excited about). The drive could have been even longer and Akko wouldn't have minded, because the company was nice and she loved being so close to Diana.

Lotte squealed so loud that Akko was convinced the neighbors had heard and would later complain. She threw her arms around Akko—who was dirty, sweaty, and very exhausted—and hugged her tight.

"I don't care," Sucy had said, waving her off dismissively from the couch where she was watering one of the weird plant farms that she kept on the windowsill. "But I will let you know that I'm happy for you."

"She cares," Lotte mumbled under her breath, rolling her eyes. "The whole thing is façade."

"Heard that," Sucy replied, her voice even and monotone. "Am choosing not to care."

"Thanks, Lotte." Akko grinned and shifted her heavy duffel on her shoulder. She couldn't wait to shower and climb into her own bed. "And Sucy, I guess."

"Cider?" Lotte offered, pulling a Strongbow out of the fridge and holding it out. It was early still, barely eight, but Akko knew she would pass out as soon as she hit the sheets and she wanted to make it to her 8 A.M. class because Diana would fuss at her if she didn't.

Akko shook her head, holding one hand out to decline the drink as she kicked her paddock boots. "Too tired." She pointed down the hall, eyebrows scrunching with focus. "Shower. Bed. Sleep. 'Night."

By the time she'd climbed out of the shower, which she had made so hot that she felt like she burned a layer of skin off, she was nearly falling asleep on her feet. She quickly threw on clothes and clambered into her bed, sighing into the comfort of her sheets.

Though… she missed sleeping with Diana. She missed the warmth, the comfort, the feeling of safety that she got when she sank into those welcome arms. Her bed was comfortable because it was hers, but she almost wanted to trade it to be in an uncomfortable bed with Diana.

Akko forced her eyes open and dug her phone out from under her pillow. She already had a message from a couple of minutes ago.

> _Diana 9:15_
> 
> _Wish you were here._

Diana was thinking about the same thing. That was nice.

Akko didn't text back. She didn't have the energy to type out the message and send it, so she let the phone fall back into the sheets and closed her eyes.

But she did whisper, "Me, too," into the darkness, and she hoped that, maybe, Diana could hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this is my favorite one so far.


	24. Movie Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the discord did this

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

Diana was  _not_  lying about Akko coming underneath her being the single hottest moment of her life. She had  _never_  in a million years thought that she herself could possibly hold that kind of power over somebody and the very thought of it turned her on beyond belief.

Her tongue darted out of her mouth and she wet her bottom lip before clamping down on it with her teeth. Heavy breaths slipped through her nostrils in an effort to keep quiet, moans suppressed with a bite and fading in her throat. Hannah and Barbara weren't home—they'd gone to class a while ago—but it had been a habit that she was not willing to let slip.

Her chest rose and fell with her hips and she thought of Akko. How could she not?

The way Akko's eyes had gone wide and she'd whined out Diana's name and fell apart at her fingertips. The heavy rise and fall of her chest as her breath left her lungs. The desperate grind against her thigh—

She almost felt bad for using one of Akko's self-proclaimed most humiliating moments to get off… once or twice. Or… okay, this was the third time, but after that she really had to take a shower and get dressed and go to class. Besides,  _she_  didn't find it embarrassing in the least. It had been very much the opposite experience for her.

Diana tilted her head back, toes curling, and clamped her legs down hard, letting a whine die against the back of her teeth as she came again. She rode it out with slow jerks of her hips and her jaw clenched tight before slamming her thumb down onto the soft button of her vibrator to turn it off. She was a panting, sweating mess, so much so that even her hair was wet, and she let her tired wrist fall against the sheets to drop the small toy by her side. Heavy breaths puffed through her nostrils and she squeezed her eyes shut.

As fast as the throbbing was gone, the guilt set in. She knew that she should have more respect for Akko than to think about her like this. Though, she  _was_  technically her girlfriend, and she supposed it was better than thinking about somebody else. In fact, it was probably the  _right_  thing to do, but guilt was guilt and not always understood.

Her sheets were damp. She was going to need to wash them when she got home. She slowly eased herself up into a sitting position, her muscles quivering with exhaustion. Tiny droplets of sweat were clinging to the skin between her breasts and she squeezed her eyes shut and sighed.

It was going to be a long day. Akko was coming over that night to watch a movie—something she was picking, probably horror—and she couldn't wait. It was their make-up date, and since it was Akko's invitation, Diana had let her choose what she wanted to do. And all she wanted to do was cuddle and watch a movie.

Which was  _certainly_ something that Diana didn't mind, at all.

But the proximity would likely take a toll on her body and she knew she'd end up getting turned on because Akko had that effect on her even when she wasn't trying. It was the inevitable effect of being so close to somebody that she found so attractive.

Diana sighed.

Maybe she should wait another day to change her sheets.

* * *

"Yo, Gayvendish."

If Diana hadn't had Beatrix's front leg clutched in her hands, she would have face-palmed at the nickname. Instead, she leaned back in her heels and tugged the leg forward into a deeper stretch, watching as her mare huffed and leaned into it. She felt the other girl sidle up to her back, peering over her shoulder at the mare and her actions.

"What's up?"

"I believe that's obvious," Diana replied. She readjusted her fingers around Beatrix's black foreleg and raised her shoulder up before gently setting her leg back down. The mare dipped her nose in the cross-ties, a low snort slipping through her slightly snotty nostrils. It was freezing out and Diana had put two rugs on her, the lighter weatherproof over the heavy stable rug, along with her neck rug that made her look like puffy and much larger than she was. It was cute—Diana loved putting her mare in her jammies—and just looking at her made the blonde smile.

"I hear we're step-friends now," Amanda said.

Diana rolled her eyes and reached up to scratch the top of Beatrix's neck. The mare's big ear flopped back and forth with the tug on the muscle. "If that's how you want to see things."

Amanda stepped around her, sliding under the crossties to kneel beneath Beatrix. She started readjusting one of the blanket straps. "Oh, don't be such a bitch."

Diana squeezed her eyes shut. Took a breath, took a moment. "Pardon?" she said at last, moving in to gently push Amanda aside. "Please don't do that, I keep them tighter on purpose. She once got a hind hoof wrapped up when she was rolling."

"Oh." Amanda shrugged and tightened the strap back up, hooking it back into its eye and standing with a roll of her shoulders. "My bad, was just trying to help."

"That's fine, but next time please ask before you begin adjusting my equipment or touching my mare."

Amanda ran a hand through her messy red hair, leaning back against the stone siding of the wash stall and crossing her legs at the ankles. She folded her arms across her chest, eyeing Diana with curious emerald eyes that looked both devious and troubled.

Diana straightened and let out a long sigh as she leveled her gaze with the American. "Is there something I can help you with, Amanda?"

"Er…"

The girl hesitated, wetting her lips and glancing away for a moment before returning her gaze to Diana. She let her hips sink back so she didn't look quite so arrogant. "Well, first, uh… I know I kind of messed with you at the beginning and I'm… sorry."

One platinum brow quirked as Diana studied Amanda's face. She tilted her chin up a little and narrowed her eyes. "Beginning?"

"You and Akko."

Diana blinked. Nodded. She really wasn't sure where the other girl was going with this. "Right."

"Look, you make her really happy and… I'm really glad she makes you happy after your ex. You… deserve that. You make a good couple."

Warm breath tickled against Diana's neck and she glanced over to find Beatrix's soft muzzle right next to her. She planted a kiss to the top, right at the end of her white stripe, and closed her mouth over the skin to puff air onto her. Beatrix blew another cloud of hot air against her face.

"And I'm sorry I blamed you about Hannah."

Diana's eyes twisted back to Amanda. Whiskers tickled her lips as she turned her head away from her mare's nose. "Pardon?"

Amanda sighed. She kicked herself off the wall and hunched her shoulders over, lowering her chin into her scarf and shivering into her thick green coat. "Barbara talked to me yesterday."

"Okay."

She still didn't understand where Amanda was going with this conversation. It wasn't like the other girl to just come up and be near her for more than three minutes without a slew of "Gayvendish" and a bunch of other inappropriate lesbian jokes. The American had something on her mind and Diana resigned herself to listening.

"I know you had nothing to do with it. I… was stupid to think that you did. I guess I was just looking for someone to blame." Green eyes stared down at the floor and Amanda kicked at a hoof-shaped clod of dirt. "So I wanted to say sorry."

Diana nodded again. Her eyebrows stitched together as she crossed her arms and rocked back on her heels. "Two apologies in one day?" She dipped her head in acknowledgment. "The apocalypse must be near. I must have missed that on the news this morning. Was it international or local?"

"Diana, can you please just listen to me for a minute and stop being sassy?"

She pursed her lips and sighed. First name meant serious. Amanda was actually being genuine. Diana wasn't quite sure she had ever seen that side of the feisty American. "Fine," she replied.

"I like Hannah."

She said nothing. She couldn't think of anything to say, aside from wondering why Amanda was telling her this. Diana had never had anything to do with the strange relationship that the two shared, nor did she have anything to do with the falling out or the residual animosity, and so Amanda bringing up her feelings was quite out of the blue.

"Like, I  _still_  like her."

Diana stared.

"And I kind of want to try again."

Diana thought back to the previous weekend, to Hannah's rant about how she'd messed up with Amanda. She didn't want to speak for Hannah and say that Amanda  _did_  still have a chance (because that was the impression she got), so instead she asked, "So how does this involve me?"

Amanda hesitated. She bit down on her bottom lip and chewed for a minute, glancing down the aisle to make sure nobody was coming. "I'm rooming with Akko this weekend." She paused before proceeding. "Were you planning on going?"

Beatrix was getting impatient. She stamped her foot and snored, twisting in the crossties and stepping over to the side to look at the two chatting girls. Diana stretched her arm out and set her hand on the mare's soft neck to try to ease her. "I was planning on it, yes."

The Games were taking place in the last place in the world she ever wanted to go: Oxford. And, yet, Diana was determined to go finally support Akko and see her ride in a real competition. She'd hardly gotten to watch the friendly with Appleton and had let her nagging subconscious keep her from Scotland. She didn't want to miss the next.

"Hey!" Akko's cheerful voice rang through the aisle as she came to a stop in front of the cross-ties. She was in her usual thick red coat with a pair of post-ride dirty breeches and her messy hair draped over the scarf that fell loose around her neck. Her helmet was clutched in her hands. "Did you guys know Miss Callistis was Chariot du Nord?"

"Yes," Diana and Amanda said in unison, not looking up from each other.

"Huh." Akko shrugged, shifting on her ankles as she scrunched her eyebrows in thought. "No wonder she has all those pictures of Shiny Rod in her office and all those trophies with Chariot's name. Am I just oblivious or something?"

"Yes," Diana and Amanda said in unison once more.

Akko reached up and scratched the back of her head, staring off at one of the industrial lights above the wash stall before saying, "Huh," again and walking off.

Diana brought a hand to her face and pinched the bridge of her nose. They waited for Akko's steady rhythm of footsteps to disappear entirely before Amanda continued.

"Give you my spot in her room," Amanda said, finally, her voice hush. "If you get Hannah to come."

"Hannah isn't going to come without Barbara and they'll want to room together. And I  _really_  doubt they'll want you in the same room as them."

"Already arranged to stay with Jas and Cons."

Diana sighed, passed a hand through her hair. It would be easy enough to get Hannah and Barbara to come. They'd already expressed interest. Plus, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't ready for the drama between the two redheads to finally come to a close. And staying in the same room with Akko…

Well, that was enough to sway her in itself.

"Fine," she said, nodding in resignation. "Deal."

* * *

Diana was nervous.

She didn't understand why. After all, Akko was her girlfriend which meant that she very much liked Diana and there was no reason to  _be_ nervous.

But she was. Very much so. She paced back and forth in the living room, ignoring the low filter of music that came from Hannah's room, and tidied things that had already been tidied just because she had to do something with her hands.

She and Chloe had never just… stayed in and relaxed. Their relationship had been one of aristocratic show, where the heiress of the Cavendish Estate and the daughter of a French politician were expected to look nice and be proper at all times. They may have been unconventional in terms of the nature of their relationship, but they still honored the expectations of a high class couple. Diana had to admit it had been tiresome at times—she always felt like she needed to look her best and behave a certain way around Chloe, even in private—and so the proposal of a movie date inside her own house, just the two of them, had her confused.

"What am I supposed to wear?" she'd asked Hannah when she got back from the barn. The auburn-haired girl had raised an eyebrow and stared at her as though she'd grown another head.

"Pajamas for the Netflix, nothing for the chill," she'd said, laughing with amusement as she waved her hand dismissively and disappeared back into her own bedroom.

She would've asked Barbara, who likely would have given her a less crass answer, but her sister was in town and she'd gone out to dinner.

And so Diana had followed the only advice she'd been given. She'd hesitantly gotten dressed in the same pair of grey sweatpants that she'd let Akko borrow and a long-sleeve shirt that she sometimes slept in when it was especially cold. Not that it  _was_ cold—they kept the flat very temperate—she just figured… the less bare skin, the better. She was looking out for herself in that regard.

There was a knock at the door. Diana sucked up her fleeting courage, steeled her nerves, and opened it.

"Did you know it's snowing?" Akko asked as she burst in with an armful of items and shoved them unceremoniously into Diana's arms. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold and she shivered into her thick coat and began kicking off her shoes, which squeaked against the hardwood floor with each movement.

"Uh." Diana hesitated, eyebrows stitching together as she glanced down at the handful of things Akko had given her. A movie, a bottle of wine, jar of something weird and red, her mobile. She carefully placed everything down on the kitchen counter and turned back to her girlfriend, who was shrugging out of her coat. Snow was melting into her hair and against the flannel pants she was wearing. Diana let out an audible sigh of relief. Well, at least Hannah hadn't been lying about the pajama part. "I can see that. Nice jumper."

It was a red jumper that had a rearing unicorn on it. Akko looked down and blushed before pulling it over her head. "I was just trying to be warm," she mumbled.

"You know you can…"

Akko tossed her coat and jumper onto the floor on top of her wet shoes.

"Hang that?"

"I brought a movie, its horror because that's all I really have and I know you don't like them so I tried to pick one that wasn't so bad. And also I brought wine but I didn't know which kind of wine you drank so I just told the guy at the market that it was for a pretty girl who was really classy and he gave me that red one. It's something I can't pronounce but I hope it's good." Her face was bright red. "And also I brought something to open it because I didn't know if you would have one which is stupid because of  _course_ you do—" She did. "—and that's my phone, I just didn't have a free pocket to put it in because I have my keys in one and my wallet in the other and—"

Diana needed Akko to  _stop talking_ , so she did the only thing she could think to do and snagged the girl's small shoulders to pull her into a kiss. She felt the girl's muscles stiffen and then relax beneath her grip. When she broke away, Akko's face was flushed and her lips were twitching as though she was ready to burst out into another long-winded ramble.

"Are you nervous, Akko?"

Akko's jaw clenched. She licked her lips and looked down at her socks, which were mismatched. "Of course not." Her chest puffed with air and she added, "Why would I be nervous?"

"I'm nervous," Diana admitted.

Akko's crimson eyes turned up, met Diana's. Her jaw rolled again and her brown eyebrows stitched together. "You are?"

Diana nodded. She forced what she hoped was a reassuring smile and reached up to run Akko's soft, slightly damp hair between her index and middle finger. Being nervous was  _not_  something she would usually readily admit to. Instead, she would more often turn on the stoic Cavendish façade and play it off as though she was neutral and unaffected. But this was Akko and emotions were okay, especially if it made Akko feel a little better.

"Okay," Akko murmured. She nodded back, her eyes sparking with resolve, and swallowed. "Then, yes, I'm nervous." She paused, rolling her teeth over her lip as she studied Diana's face. "Is that stupid?"

Diana shook her head. She let her arm fall away. "I don't think so." After all, everything was new and it was their first real date as girlfriends, even if it was in their pajamas at Diana's house watching a movie that Diana was guaranteed to hate (regardless of Akko's description of, "not that bad," whatever that meant). The vulnerability was starting to make her uncomfortable and so she bent down to pluck Akko's discarded outerwear off the floor and hang it on the hook that was  _literally_ a foot away before turning to the things Akko brought.

First, she picked up the DVD.  _Premonition_. Yes, she was guaranteed to hate that, but it was Akko so she would pretend to watch it anyway. Next, she looked at the wine. "Malbec is nice," Diana said, studying the vineyard label—it was one she'd never had—before moving to the cabinet to pull out a couple of wine glasses. Stemless, because she wasn't about to pick up the glass that Akko would inevitably shatter all over the floor with a stem. "And you are correct, I do have a corkscrew, though this one is just fine." It was a simple waiter's key. She assumed that Akko didn't know how to use it and so she got to work on popping the cork before sifting through a drawer to find her aerator to put over the neck.

Akko chuckled nervously as she watched. She reached up and scratched the back of her neck. Diana glanced over, taking in the sight of Akko in a cozy looking mounted games t-shirt, the small biceps that flexed with the motion of her arm, the ripple of soft skin against her clavicle. She licked her lips, took a deep breath, and turned away.

Finally, she picked up the jar and stared at it, one eyebrow quirking up as she tried to imagine what in the world it could be.

"Oh, those are mine," Akko said, her hand snaking out to take the jar. She popped it open and shoved one into her mouth. It was slimy and purple and coated in liquid. "Pickled plums. Want one?"

"No… thank you," Diana replied. Akko shrugged and replaced the lid, sliding her fingers into her mouth to lick the juice away and  _dammit—_

Diana very quickly looked away again, avoiding the rest of the action as she held out one of the glasses. She picked up her own and clinked it against Akko's. "Cheers, then." She took a sip.

The wine wasn't bad at all.

Akko was staring at the red liquid, lips working around the taste. She rolled her shoulders in a shrug and licked her lips before walking off into the living room. Diana followed. She got to work setting up the movie on the PlayStation (she didn't use that thing, but Hannah and Barbara had taught her how to watch a movie on it) while Akko went around turning off the lights.

"What are you doing?" Diana asked when the first lamp flickered off.

"It's a horror movie," Akko mumbled. "You don't watch it with the lights on."

Diana had sighed, but she didn't argue. Though, the amount of suffering was getting ridiculous. She was about to watch a movie with her girlfriend, alone, on her couch, in the dark, in their pajamas, with a glass of wine—

She took a deep breath and clenched her teeth as they settled down into the sofa, Akko throwing herself comfortably back and curling her legs up under her as she sipped at her wine. Diana sat stiffly next to her. Eerie music started playing and Diana immediately felt herself getting uncomfortable. She squirmed where she sat, pressing the wine glass to her mouth and taking a long drink. The wine warmed her mouth and throat.

She could feel Akko staring at the side of her face and she glanced over to find red eyes meeting her own. Akko twisted against the back cushion. "Are you gonna cuddle?"

"Oh." She was suddenly grateful for the darkness hiding her blush as she wrapped an arm around Akko's shoulders and pulled her in. The other girl sank into her body, warm and comfortable, and they settled into watching the movie. Well, Akko did. Diana mostly paid attention to the cute girl in her arms and focused on the soft hair that fell between her fingers as she stroked it. She drank her wine, occasionally glancing at the screen, but there was nothing she liked there and everything she liked  _here_.

Her heart hammered at the proximity, at Akko's warmth, at the fingers that toyed with the bottom of her shirt. She knew Akko had to feel her pounding ribcage, and that small bit of knowledge only made the muscle throb harder as though it was laughing at her.

After a few minutes, Akko stood.

"More wine," she muttered, walking off.

Diana blinked, glancing down at her own nearly full glass. "You know you're not supposed to drink it like juice, right?"

"Mhm."

She returned a moment later and settled back into Diana's arms. Diana sighed back into the soft body and finally let herself relax. It was comfortable to just sit with Akko, even if her choice of movie was something that Diana wanted nothing to do with. The wine was warm and so was the girl. It was nice.

Until Akko sat up. Cold flooded into where her body once was as Akko leaned forward and placed her glass, empty once again, onto the coffee table and turned.

"Akko, are you okay?" Diana asked, her gaze shifting from the empty glass to the side of Akko's face. She sat up and put her own glass down, fingers combing down Akko's back. "If you're not comfortable…"

"I am," Akko said quickly. She turned, inhaling sharply through her nose. Her eyes fell into blue and her tongue darted out of her mouth to wet her lips. "It's just that… I've seen this movie a lot. And I don't really want to watch it again."

"We could check Netflix or HBO then," Diana suggested. Platinum brows knit together as she studied Akko's curious expression, trying to get a read on what Akko was thinking but coming up blank. "Maybe for something that doesn't make me sleep with the light on?"

"That's not…" Akko took a deep breath. She leaned in. "That's not what I meant."

Diana inhaled sharply as soft lips fell against hers. She closed her eyes, feeling a cold shiver running through her body at the sudden sensation. She tried to force away her body's response, knowing that she didn't need for her urges to take control, knowing she didn't need to make Akko feel uncomfortable or pressured or—

Akko clambered awkwardly into her lap, her knees bumping against Diana's thighs as she pressed into the kiss, pulling away only momentarily to gasp into the air before diving back in.

Oh, God, she was in trouble.

Lips left her own to trail down her jaw, over her neck, and Diana suppressed a moan, knowing that Hannah was in her room. Sure, the music was on, but she didn't need the other girl to walk out on them making out. Even with the urges that were flashing through her core, she still maintained some semblance of humility.

Akko's fingers were dancing at the bottom of her shirt, scraping against the soft skin of her hips and stomach, and Diana felt her back arch at the touch. The hand was trailing up, coasting over her abdomen, ghosting against her skin in a way that had her gasping in surprise and she quickly turned her head to capture Akko's mouth once more so she wouldn't make any noise.

Akko pulled away, her nostrils flaring with her heavy breath, her fingers drawn to a halt on Diana's ribcage, trailing tentatively along the edge of her bra. "I… I'm sorry," she said when Diana's wide eyes met hers. "I didn't mean to…"

She started to pull her hand away.

Diana seized it, pushed it back, felt Akko's hand hesitate and then cup her over the thin fabric of her bra. She squeezed her eyes shut and huffed out a breath of air.

It had been so long since anybody touched her like this and she  _ached_. Her heart was slamming a painful rhythm against her chest, her blood surged with heat. If Akko wanted to touch her, Diana was  _not_  going to stop her.

Akko licked her lips and pressed the heel of her hand experimentally forward. Diana swallowed, held her gaze, watched her reaction as her fingers moved and slipped beneath the bra to cover the soft skin of her breasts. She looked determined and curious, maybe a little bit scared, too. Her thumb scraped against a nipple that hardened beneath the touch and Diana let out a heavy breath, her vision fogging. She felt her own hands fumbling at Akko's waist, running along the muscular sides, coasting over the rivets between hard abs and wishing she could  _see_ them.

Her fingers stilled beneath the tight fabric of a sports bra and she felt Akko squirm.

"Wait," she breathed. Her hands froze on Diana's breasts and she sat up a little. "I… I might need more wine for this."

Diana frowned. She let her hands fall away from Akko, gently tugging the shirt back down to where it was before pulling Akko's arms away from her. The girl stared at her in confusion.

"Akko, if you have to drink to do this, I'm not interested."

"But I want to," Akko murmured. Her lips had a purple hue from the wine and her eyebrows scrunched together as she searched Diana's face. "I want to… I'm just…"

"Nervous?"

"Yes," Akko admitted.

Diana sat up. She wrapped her arms around Akko's waist and pulled her down, close against the couch cushion, and kissed her gently on the lips. "Nervous is good. Drunk and nervous is not good."

Akko sank into the couch, nibbling her lip as she turned her eyes back to the movie in thought. "I just don't want you to think I don't want you. Because I do. I'm just scared and I don't think I'm ready and I don't want you to break up with me because—"

"Akko." Diana's voice was stern, but cautious. She moved away for a moment to fix her bra and shirt before settling back down with the brunette tugged in close. "You being not ready is completely understandable and I would never hold you at fault for that. And I don't think you don't want me. The worst thing you could possibly do is force something that you're not ready to do. I don't mind waiting." She took a breath. Reached up and pushed Akko's bangs out of her eyes. Her fingers lingered against the girl's temple. "Let's just enjoy each other as we are and let everything come naturally, okay?"

Akko nodded, kissed her. They settled back into comfort, back into the warm ease of just being together, and Diana finally tried watching the movie for about twenty seconds before she decided to… not do that.

She was fine with things as they were, with Akko taking however much time she needed to take the next step in their relationship. Diana was enjoying every step of the way with her regardless. Akko was wonderful in every sense of the word and she was happy just for the opportunity to occupy the same space.

But she  _was_  glad that she hadn't decided to wash her sheets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, the discord did this
> 
> you know who you are


	25. Oxford pt. 1

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

"Ha! I win!"

Akko ripped out her earbuds and tossed them into the console of the treadmill. She was panting for air as she grabbed the handles and leapt up to place her feet on the edges. The black pad continued to streak by wildly beneath her as she dipped her head and sucked in air. Her bangs were plastered all over forehead, sweat dripping from her temples.

"Sub seven, too!"

Diana quietly glanced over at Akko, her pace steady as she took in the sight of the heaving girl. She pulled out one earbud. "We were never competing, Akko."

"Yes we were. I told you so at the beginning of the run," Akko huffed. She slammed the back of her fist down on the speed until it slowed to a walk and clambered back onto the treadmill. Her sneakers plodded lazily along as she brought her hands behind her head in a long stretch. "I said let's race for a mile. You said nothing because you put your music or whatever on and weren't listening. Not  _my_  fault you ignored the challenge."

It was snowing out and Akko, determined to get her run in for the day ("I  _have_ to be ready for this weekend," she'd told Diana, "because Appleton will be there") had decided to move her workout indoors. Rain and cold didn't bother her, nor did extreme heat, but snow was just dangerous because she'd likely slip, fall, and break every bone in her body. So, for the first time since she came to Luna Nova, she had decided to try out the gym.

She'd invited Diana, who had reluctantly come along.

"I'm not so sure I'm keen on making a fool of myself in front of you," Diana had said after Hippotherapy ended and they'd risen from their seats. "You're very athletic."

"So are  _you_ ," Akko had argued. "So you should just come along and spend time with me because I'm your girlfriend and I'm asking you very nicely."

Diana had rolled her eyes as she carefully arranged her books in her bag, zipping her pens into their appropriate pouch. She was really organized— _too_  organized at times, Akko thought—and everything with Diana had its specific place. "That sounds like blackmail, but fine. I'll join you."

And now, with the snow falling heavily outside (and Akko thanking the entire world that her competition that weekend was indoors), the two were running in front of the large window that overlooked the center courtyard of Luna Nova. The gym was modest but nice. All the equipment was updated and very well kept, shiny and new. There was a line of treadmills, bikes, ellipticals, even a stairmaster. Squat racks and benches, free weights and machines. Akko was a little disappointed that she hadn't bothered to take advantage of it earlier.

Plus, it was hardly busy at all! Even better!

"I heard you," Diana replied, huffing a little with the effort of her jog. "I chose to ignore it. I know you're a better runner. Why would I accept a challenge like that?"

Akko glanced over. She was going at a 9 minute pace and looked completely comfortable. She reached over and started hammering the button on the speed, the treadmill whirring as it responded.

"Akko!"

Diana's hand smacked against Akko's and she quickly returned the speed back to its original setting. She shielded the console with her hand and grunted as she shifted her gaze straight ahead.

"Aw, you're no fun," Akko muttered. She turned her treadmill off and snatched her earbuds and water bottle up to slink off to the locker room. She'd only run a mile, which wasn't ideal, but it was a fast one and she and Diana had done weights before. Well, Diana did. Akko mostly slung them lazily and goofed off or did a whole lot of pull-ups (because Diana kept staring at her while she did them) and then rolled around on the yoga ball to give her arms a break.

Besides, they left for Oxford the next day and a sort-of half-day of working out was probably in order in preparation for the demanding two days of Games.

Diana had very cautiously and hesitantly warned her that they might see her ex-girlfriend. Apparently she went to Oxford, which was a little bit intimidating but also really made sense that she would date somebody who went there. But, then, it made very little sense as to why she was dating Akko. But Akko didn't dwell on that thought for long, because Diana liked her and she knew it, so that was enough for her. Besides, Diana's ex-girlfriend didn't really scare her. The girl was tall and... okay, a little imposing... but Akko had already deterred her once.

Besides, she had her thoughts full with the Games. She was expected to lead her team to victory over Appleton (and, well, everybody else, but Appleton was their biggest competition) in preparation for the upcoming International Mounted Games Competition the next month.

She sighed as she tossed her earbuds and water bottle down on the bench and started rummaging through her locker to gather her coat and duffel bag. Diana would be finished any moment—she'd said she was only doing a mile, too—and so Akko would just wait to walk her back home. She  _could_  have gone to the barn, but the weather was poor and she figured Chariot could use a day of rest, too. Her mare had been working hard with both the Games and Jump teams and deserved a break.

"What was that about not being fun?" she heard Diana say from behind her. And, before she could react, she found her back slammed against the wall of lockers and Diana was kissing her hard.

Akko grinned into the soft lips and kissed her back for a few seconds before the urge to giggle became too much to bear and she broke away and sank into Diana's sweaty arms instead.

"Oh, I'm very happy I'm so funny," Diana joked. A kiss to Akko's cheek made the girl squirm like a pinned rodent. "That's exactly what I was going for in this situation."

Following their second date—which, if Akko was being honest about, still embarrassed her, though not as much as The Great Humiliation of 2018—Diana had sent her a text message that made her feel much better about their current situation:

 

> _Diana 10:57_
> 
> _I need you to know that there is absolutely_
> 
> _zero pressure to engage in anything you're not_
> 
> _ready for. I like you for you and there's no_
> 
> _rush to do anything at all. I like taking my_
> 
> _time with you. So, please, know that there are_
> 
> _no expectations between us. Except that you_
> 
> _not be a jerk. Which you have not yet been._
> 
> _Akko 10:59_
> 
> _ok_
> 
> _:3_
> 
> _your boobs felt nice though_
> 
> _Diana 11:03_
> 
> …  _Thank you?_

Akko just laughed again and planted a quick kiss to her lips. "Come on, let's get out of here. I've got stuff to do."

Diana's eyebrows scrunched as she eyed the brunette, digging into her own locker to slip into her own thick coat and gather her belongings. "I thought you weren't going to the barn tonight?"

"M'not," Akko mumbled. She shoved her earbuds and water into the side of her duffel and slung it over her shoulder. "Amanda's coming over to do the line-up with me. I probably should have done it days ago but I've been kinda busy."

Probably because her girlfriend had forced her to study for a Clinical Psychology for the past two days while she studied for Equine Nutrition-

"But you got a B on that test," Diana countered, prodding Akko in the shoulder and loosing her slightly damp blonde hair to tug a wool hat over it. "And I  _was_  going to invite you over, but I see you've decided to wait until the last minute to take care of your responsibilities."

"Okay, Okaasan, chill out," Akko whined. She rolled her eyes and slid her fingers beneath the strap of her duffel as they walked out. She felt Diana's arm snake around her waist and she leaned into the touch.

"Not your mother," Diana murmured into her ear. Warm lips pressed to her cheek again and she turned to see Diana smiling back at her. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah," Akko replied. She watched Diana trudge off through the snow in her sneakers, shorts, a heavy coat, and her wool hat and couldn't stop the grin that burst across her face. She felt hear chest stirring with content. "Tomorrow."

* * *

Akko was in paradise.

Or, that's what she felt like. She was kicked back in her bikini in a jacuzzi, had a beer in one hand, her girlfriend's arm wrapped around her shoulders, and was surrounded by her laughing and drinking friends.

Miss Nelson had booked them all rooms in one of the nicest downtown Oxford hotel rooms that happened to have a heated pool and jacuzzi ("You won't regret this one bit," she'd told them during the drive up) and the respite from the cold, snowy weather outside was  _exactly_  the thing to lift their spirits for the upcoming competition.

And, well, Diana in a bikini did not hurt. At all. Akko may or may not have missed her mouth with her water bottle and dumped water all down her stomach. Diana had blushed, probably because Akko had embarrassed her, and very quickly looked away as though she was trying to act like she hadn't seen to save Akko from humiliation.

She had three nights alone with Diana. Three glorious, wonderful nights alone with the prettiest girl on the planet in a really nice hotel room, plus days of nothing but Games, her pony, and all of her friends. The Oxford competition was already setting up to be a blast. Even if was freezing and still snowing outside. Akko had barely made it through the week she'd been so excited.

"Did Chariot get settled in okay?" Diana asked. She had her own gin and tonic in her hand—she'd gone and got it from the bar because Amanda had brought what Diana referred to as "terrible options"-and she sipped it contentedly as she sank into the warm water. The bare skin against Akko was enough to make her short circuit and, so far that night, she had continued to ask Diana to repeat herself quite a few times. But this time, she paid close attention to the very difficult question that was being presented to her.

"Yes. Uh, yes," she said. "But it was really cold."

Just an hour earlier, Akko had been shivering into her coat at the Oxford Equestrian Center, spreading out the hay in the corner and watching as the small chestnut mare started to dig into it. She'd given her a hot meal—basically just her regular grain soaked in warm water—and had made sure her blanket was snug around her. Akko always felt bad leaving Chariot in the cold, but she supposed that she was just a pony and she was somewhat used to it.

Still, she knew  _she_  wouldn't want to be outside in sub-zero weather.

"I hope Spirit will be okay," Lotte said from across the jacuzzi where she had her phone in one hand and a Strongbow in the other. "I only brought his lightweight."

Sucy had sank so far into the water that her mouth was barely exposed above the bubbles. "He'll be fine. He's hairy and fat enough. He's probably sweating underneath that blanket as it is."

"Sucy, can you  _please_ not fat shame my pony?" Lotte whined. "You know he's already on a very strict diet." The phone rocked in her hand and she caught it quickly, skewing her glasses on her face and quickly setting the device up on the edge where it would no longer be in peril. Diana had twitched with anxiety at the sight, but settled back against Akko when she realized the phone was okay. "And by the way, I won't be in the room tonight. Frank should be in soon and I'm going to stay with him."

"I figured," Sucy murmured, flashing a grin at the Finnish girl. "I'm going to order all the porn and tell front desk to charge it to Lotte Yansson."

"I swear Sucy, if you do that I will-"

"Yo, nerd crew! Stop jerking off together and come get in the actual pool with us!"

Diana rose, water streaming down her pale body, and clambered out of the jacuzzi. Her wavy hair was soaked and dark at the tips, splaying around her shoulders and back. Akko's eyebrows stitched together as she watched the blonde, trying to keep her mouth closed and the drool inside since Lotte and Sucy were there.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To take care of a specific American," she muttered, setting her drink down and tearing off to jump into the pool at Amanda's side and tackle her into the water. The redhead was sputtering and confused when she came back up, her hair plastered to the sides of her face.

Akko watched them splash around, feeling a warmth that wasn't the water around her. Amanda was yelling profanity as Diana, Hannah, and Barbara slammed a tsunami of water into her and Akko found herself wondering exactly when it was that they started to get along again. After all, she had seen Diana and Amanda chatting amiably the other day—neither of them looked irritated, anyway—and Amanda hadn't said a bad thing about any of them in a while.

"I don't know how you brought her out of her shell," Lotte commented, turning from where she had twisted to watch as well, "But I suppose if anybody could have, it's you, Akko."

Akko sipped her beer—she was nursing it because she had to ride in the morning and she also wanted to make out with Diana later and not be tipsy—and shrugged her shoulders.

Jasminka slid into the jacuzzi next to Akko, munching happily at a frozen taquito that Amanda had brought, and sighed as she relaxed into the water.

"Where's Cons?" Lotte asked. She glanced at her phone to see if she had a message from Frank and took a long swig of her Strongbow. Sucy was still slumped into the water, watching the three of them with disinterest. Her lavender hair rose like a dark cloud in the water around her.

"In the room," Jasminka replied. "She got a video call from her parents so she's talking to them and then she'll be down. She doesn't like water, though, so don't expect her to get in."

Akko liked watching Constanze talk to her parents or Jasminka. It was like a dance with their hands. She set her beer bottle back down on the edge of the jacuzzi and sank into the water much like Sucy, sighing with content.

"You seem really happy," Jasminka murmured. She swigged her beer and bit into her snack, then added with a full mouth, "You must really like Diana."

Akko nodded. She turned to look at Diana again. She was standing in the shallow end with Barbara, a tall goddess as she pulled her wet hair into a bun and smiled back at her chatting friend. The water trickled down her slim body in rivulets, ran over the navy fabric of her bathing suit. Her muscles tugged beneath her thin arms and Akko couldn't wait to curl up inside them later that night.

She felt herself grinning.

"Yeah, I do," she said, and stood up to go jump in the pool and drench her hot girlfriend with more water.

* * *

Everyone was a little bit nervous. Well, except for Lotte, who was flirting and talking to Frank on their two ponies at the back of the arena, and Amanda, who was as arrogant as always. Akko sat quietly on Chariot, feeling the energy pulsing through the muscles beneath her as they waited for the competition to start. She was starting the first race, which was pole bending, as usual. She'd already cantered through the poles a bit in warm up and the team had practiced hand-offs, but now it was time to go and she was ready. Well, as ready as she would ever be.

She raised her eyes to the stands that lined the massive indoor pavilion, finding the platinum blonde hair of Diana among the viewers. Hannah and Barbara were at her side, chatting animatedly and pointing to the different ponies—probably picking out the cutest ones, knowing them—and Diana was quiet and neutral as she watched. Akko lifted a hand in a small wave and Diana waved back.

It was heated inside, which Akko was very grateful for, and the nylon shirt beneath her jersey made it almost so warm that she was starting to sweat. But Akko figured it was much better than the cold, and so she didn't complain. She tugged at the collar of her shirt and rolled her shoulders, fidgeting just for the sake of fidgeting as anxiety quivered beneath her skin.

"At the line," the starting judge called. The six teams, Appleton on their left and another school they hadn't faced before on their right, stepped into the starting box.

Chariot was anxious and jigging as soon as she crossed the white line that stretched from each side of the arena. Her muzzle pointed straight into the air and a long, rumbling snort slipped through her flaring nostrils at the prospect of running. The other five ponies she'd lined up with were dancing where they stood, eager to begin.

The flag lifted-

A whistle blew. Akko sighed and reined Chariot back, turning her around to reset her before she got too excited.

_"False start. Belfast. Five meter penalty."_

Akko could hear the Belfast rider grumbling to herself as she pulled her pony back behind the starting box. Her pony had stepped over the line and she was forced to start behind the line. Well, that was good for them, but the ponies were getting more and more anxious as the time passed. The judge called them back to the line, lifted the flag once more.

It fell. Chariot launched. The arena erupted into shouts as teammates encouraged the riders.

Akko clutched the baton tight in her hand as she weaved in and out of the poles, her torso tilted back as she switched the weight of her seat right and left as Chariot bounded between them. She sat back hard at the end, her left arm stretching dramatically to the side as she urged Chariot in an agile 180.

The team next to them hit a pole. It fell. Akko heard the rider swear loudly as they turned around and leapt off their pony to fix it. On her other side, Frank was a stride behind on his own thick bay horse.

They weaved around the last pole and Akko's heels slammed against Chariot's sides, sending the pony hurtling forward at an all-out gallop. She stood in the irons, the hand holding the baton stretched forward and out to Jasminka, who was sitting atop a prancing Cookie, one hand clutching the cotton reins. The other hand was open and waiting.

Akko's torso reeled backwards as she slammed the baton into Jasminka's palm. She felt the other girl take off and in an instant she was upright in the saddle, her feet pressed forward in the irons as she pulled the reins back to her chest and brought Chariot down to a jigging walk.

They had the lead. Akko was confident that there would be no mistakes. Cookie was less agile, but fast and cautious, and Lotte never made an error in poles on Spirit. Amanda would be their anchor and finish with the speed they would need to clench the win.

And it went exactly to plan. As soon as Amanda flew over the line, grinning and throwing the baton to the ground as she stood to bring Star back, the team erupted in cheer and smacked her on the back as she rode by.

They had won the first race. They were off to a good start.

* * *

There was a celebration in order, and the Games Team made sure that they were going to do it the right way. Well, within reason, because they all had to wake up very early and ride the next day. They'd agreed to meet at The Bear Inn after they'd showered and changed (a suggestion that had come from Diana, as she was familiar with Oxford), and Akko was excited to spend time with her friends after such a successful day.

Luna Nova had ridden to near perfection for the majority of the day. Though they'd been beaten in a few races, they had still managed to come out on top after the first day of Games with a score of 48. Appleton was behind them by ten points, but with a win worth six, they could just as easily catch up. Their rides the next day would have to be equally on par.

But Akko was confident. Even more so with the fingers that were intertwined with her own as the taller girl led her down the narrow cobblestone street to the small pub. It was popular, Diana had told them, but tucked away from tourists and mostly frequented by Oxford students and other locals. And she wasn't wrong. There was hardly a place to stand as she, Diana, Barbara, and Hannah slid through the wooden black doors to the old bar.

The Games Team, at least, was very easy to spot. The rowdy crew had taken up a corner booth in the small back room and Amanda stood and waved to them around a couple of Oxford students as they entered. The Hunt Team broke free to the bar as Akko made her way over.

"There's our good old Captain!" Amanda called. "We waited long enough, couldn't you hold off the quickie 'til later?" An easy grin slid across her freckled face as she poured a beer from one of their full pitchers (there were multiple, even though Akko had told her they needed to take it easy) and handed it out for her. She took it with a grateful smirk and held it forward, ignoring the comment that came along with it because  _obviously_ they'd been delayed because she and Diana had to share a shower... and not in  _that_  way! In the way that both of them had to get ready and Diana took  _forever_ because she refused to go out with hair that she had called an "electricified lion's mane".

"Cheers," Akko said, her glass clinking against those of her five teammates and sloshing slightly across the aged wooden table. She brought it to her lips and took a long sip, listening to Lotte and Jasminka review their performance with loud, excited voices. Constanze was busy browsing the .pdf file of the ten Games that had been selected for the next day and showing Sucy, who looked far more interested in the photos of patrons that lined the wooden walls.

Akko could see why the pub was a local favorite. Though crowded, it was cozy and nice and reminded her of a smaller version of Last Wednesday Society. She stood quietly over Lotte's shoulder—there was no room to sit, and she didn't mind standing—and sipped her beer slowly. She'd already decided that she would only be having one. There was a competition to win, a team to lead, and a girl to impress. Those were factors enough to make sure she had her head in the game (pun intended) the following day.

"Appleton's here," Diana muttered as she sidled up next to Akko, pressing into her shoulder as she brought a beer to her lips. The fact that she'd chosen a beer was something that made Akko raise her eyebrows. The confusion must have been palpable because the blonde smiled and said, "It's a local craft. Try?"

Akko took a sip of the proffered drink, her nose curling with distaste. It was like somebody poured a bunch of sugar in there, which usually wouldn't be something she minded, but with a beer it just seemed weird. "Too sweet," she murmured, then turned her attention to Lotte. "Lotte, did you invite Frank?"

"Of course," Lotte replied. She whirled on her wooden stool, clambering awkwardly to her feet to look around Akko and Diana. "Is he here?"

Diana pointed to room that held the bar. Lotte took off through the crowd.

Akko felt an arm snake around her waist and she glanced up at Diana. A dusting of red had crept into her cheeks as she looked away, smiling sheepishly, and sipped her beer. Akko leaned into the touch, her Games jacket crinkling into Diana's jumper, and let the warmth engulf her.

"You did great today," Diana said for the third time. She'd already told Akko twice: once when she'd caught up with Akko as she was taking care of Chariot after the Games and again when they'd gotten back to their room to take showers and get ready for the evening. "It was a lot of fun to watch."

Akko could tell that she enjoyed it. The few times her gaze wandered up into the seats (and by few times, she meant a lot of times), Diana, Hannah, and Barbara had been cheering for the team.

"Eh? Is that why you bought that shirt?" Akko asked.

She felt a thumb twitch against her side and snickered. Diana had showed up with an  _International Mounted Games Association_ shirt rolled up in her fist—one she'd bought at the sales booth—and Akko had joked her mercilessly for buying it until she found the soft cotton being smacked against her shoulders and had retreated, shrieking, to the shower.

She felt blonde hair tickling her cheek as Diana leaned down, nose brushing against Akko's skin as she whispered, "By the way, take a look at that."

Akko's red eyes followed Diana's blue. Amanda was standing with Hannah. Having a conversation. And Hannah was...  _smiling_? It was strange to see the two together without ripping each others throats out and her head cocked to the side as she studied the interaction.

"Okay, don't  _stare_  though," Diana murmured. She tugged Akko a little bit closer—there was a guy next to her who had been trying to get by—and drank her weird sweet beer.

She settled back in, nodding at Frank and the very large grin that stretched across his wolfish features when he saw Diana's arm around her. Lotte was smiling happily at his side, both of her small hands clutched around Frank's larger one, as she loudly teased him for the many times she and Spirit had beat him in head-to-heads. Frank merely replied with a, "Not sure how, your pony's fat," which earned him a playful slug to the bicep.

It was nice to be surrounded by her friends with the teams actually getting along and everybody so happy. Akko felt warm and content with the family of friends that had become her home away from home and the excited chatter of the many people she cared about as they gathered in the same place with drinks and smiles.

And she was enjoying herself. Very much. Until a familiar, arrogant voice filtered into her ear from behind.

"Hm, imagine this. Cavendish and Kagari. That's a sight to behold."

Akko could feel Diana's arm muscle flex against her waist. She dropped it—an act that made Akko feel suddenly cold and confused—and turned to face the haughty smile that graced Andrew's face as his bright green eyes ran over the two of them. His black hair was slicked over to the side, dangling around his forehead and temple.

"Knew there was a reason you had no interest in talking to me, Atsuko. I see now that you instead have eyes for the better sex," Andrew said. His jaw worked, tendons flexing in his cheeks as he ducked his chin in an acknowledgment at Diana. "Though I'm not sure why you'd be interested in this one."

"It's Akko," Akko grumbled. Diana's eyes were flashing and she could  _feel_  the anger that was vibrating off of the blonde. "And I don't think my sexuality or my choice in girlfriend is any of your business."

Andrew smirked and turned his gaze from her as though she was nothing more than a pestering fly—an act which angered Akko very much and made her face turn red—to regard Diana instead. The two held stares for quite some time before Diana finally spoke.

"There are plenty of college girls around here that would love to be manipulated by the rubbish that comes out of your mouth," she snapped. "Why don't you go find one of them?"

Andrew shrugged. He lifted a hand to inspect his nails in an act of disregard. "Eh, I would love to, but I invited an old friend of ours so we could catch up."

In an instant, the angry red of Diana's face had flooded away and she had paled completely. "You're bluffing," she replied, though her voice didn't sound very confident, and Akko could only look between them in confusion. She had no idea what the two were talking about. She knew Diana had once been friends with Andrew, she had told her that much at the Red Stallion that night that now seemed so long ago, but she didn't know they had a mutual friend and she certainly didn't understand why Diana looked so upset-

Until the source had pushed her way around a crowd of students and joined Andrew's side.

" _Again_?" Akko heard herself groan when her eyes fell on Chloe. "Do you just show up  _everywhere_?"

Chloe just stared back at Akko. She was pretty, way prettier up close than Akko anticipated. Her jaw was high and sharp, her long brunette hair falling neatly around her face and shoulders. Her eyes were a deep brown and surprisingly warm. Her nose was a little crooked, but not necessarily in a  _bad_  way, and her cheeks were dusted with a faint constellation of freckles. She was tall and confident and most  _certainly_  had to have had a model portfolio because there was no way she didn't. Akko felt herself squirming a little bit under the gaze.

"So I finally get to meet your new Korean girlfriend," Chloe said. The kindness in her eyes was countered by the sharp venom of her voice, which held an accent that Akko most certainly couldn't pin. "Nice of you to bring her to our favorite bar."

"This isn't  _our_  favorite bar," Diana seethed. "Because there is no  _our_. And she's-"

"I'm Japanese," Akko growled. "There is a  _huge_  difference, are you really that ignorant? And you go to Oxford?"

"And she's rude. Lovely," Chloe replied.

Akko frowned. "I don't get it. Why are you messing with Diana?"

"I'm not  _messing_  with her," Chloe said. "I came here because Andrew invited me. That I happen to be in the same place with Diana had no precedence in my decision to be here tonight."

"I really don't believe that one bit."

"That sounds like it's your issue, not mine."

Diana inhaled deeply at Akko's side. "Akko, let's just go. There's no need for us to entertain them. It's what they want."

"We were here first!" Akko argued.

Andrew was grinning at the three of them as though he had thrown his favorite fighting dogs together and was watching them duke it out. It was stupid and childish (Akko felt like Diana using that word) and not something that she wanted to deal with on a night that was supposed to be very good. She rolled her eyes at the taller girl, shifting her beer to her opposite hand as she wrapped her arm around Diana's arm and pulled her in. Diana glanced at her momentarily, her jaw stiff and her blue eyes both angry and confused. She felt tense and rigid beneath Akko's touch.

Akko was not much for confrontation. She had never raised her voice in her life, save for screaming at jump scares from horror movies or yelling encouraging things to her friends or teammates, and so an argument was something that she was certainly not keen on. But this Chloe girl had to go. She was constantly showing up and making Diana uncomfortable and Akko could not understand why any of it was necessary. Diana was kind and sweet and didn't deserve it.

So she puffed up her chest, leveled crimson eyes on Chloe, and took a stand.

"How about the two of you find somewhere else to catch up? There's a lot of other pubs around here. I passed at least three on this street alone."

"Now, Atsuko, I believe this is a public space..." Andrew started.

"And I have every right to be here," Chloe added.

Diana was staring down. Akko followed her eyes, brows stitching together at the sight of Chloe's arm wrapped around Andrew's waist, before finding the smirk that Andrew was wearing. She got it right away. There was no way they were together—they were pulling the same stunt that Akko and Diana had back at Bedford. Just to get a rise out of Diana. Just to make her upset. And it was working.

"Why are you so desperate?" Akko asked, stare finding Chloe's once more. "I'm pretty sure Diana doesn't want you around and yet you keep trying. It's so stupid and it makes no sense."

Chloe's glossy lips parted and a low chuckle slid out as her eyes ran over Akko's body. She took a moment before saying, "Me, desperate? I really think that Diana's choice in rebound would be the act classifying as  _desperate_."

If Akko had no self-confidence (she did) and if she wasn't fully happy with who she was as a person and how she looked (she was), she may have let Chloe's words get to her. But she didn't—Diana wasn't desperate, and Akko  _wasn't_  a rebound (she hoped)-and so the words were nothing but a mild comeback that carried no weight in their current conversation. If anything, it served as the final bookmark in the chapter that was Akko Dealing With Diana's Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Who Called Her Korean When She Clearly Wasn't.

And if Akko was one for physical violence (she wasn't) and had any interest in punching Chloe (she didn't), that might have been the action she had then resorted to.

"Chloe, get a life. Really," Akko said. Diana had looked up-she was blushing furiously, with anger or embarrassment Akko couldn't tell—and she tightened her grip on the girl's bicep in a desperate plea for both forgiveness and motivation for what she was about to do.

Chloe had opened her mouth to retort, but nothing had a chance to come out, because in that moment Akko threw her very full beer directly into her face.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look who's back even though i said i wouldn't. likely no update tomorrow, v. busy with visiting family for christmas etc. but these next two chapters should be... fun. see you monday!


	26. The Effect of Akko Kagari

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will be the only chapter in this fic that is not akko or diana.

 

* * *

**AMANDA**

* * *

Amanda was unlovable.

At least, that's how she felt when the whole thing with Hannah happened. She'd liked the auburn-haired girl for a long time, though she wasn't certain when romantic feelings replaced platonic. Hannah had been her best friend—someone that shared her playful sense of humor—and they hit it off immediately during their first ride together at Luna Nova. It was a welcome friendship, one that she cherished wholeheartedly and threw herself into in a desperate desire to make herself at home in a place that was very much  _not_  her home.

She hadn't wanted to go to Luna Nova. And she certainly hadn't wanted to compete in Hunter/Jumpers. She had gotten accepted into the University of North Carolina back home, one of the best schools to pursue the sport that she  _actually_  wanted to compete in: soccer. But her parents owned a prestigious Hunter/Jumper facility that was nestled on hundreds of acres in a valley near the Blue Ridge Mountains, and so Amanda was expected to pursue the family name that had become commonplace in the American equestrian world.

Not to say that she didn't love to ride horses. She  _did_ , but not the haughty, stick-up-your-ass type of riding that her parents were into. The type of riding where she was expected to act like a southern belle, like the groomed lady that she felt like she was far from. No, she wanted adventure and thrill. In her mind, the only life worth living was one where she felt the rush of danger and excitement.

Amanda did not want to ride pretty. No, she wanted to be the Lone Ranger. She wanted to gallop over desert and wide open fields with the freedom of an old frontier cowboy. She would often find herself grounded from riding alone when her parents would come out to find her spinning their fancy Hunters around barrels or racing across their pastures with the reckless abandon of a truant boy.

It was the curse of being the only daughter out of four siblings. The expectations of carrying on the feminine tradition of the O'Neill family was hers and hers alone. It was a heavy burden to bear, and one that Amanda had spent her whole life trying to escape. In a world of old money where the new money of the O'Neill Estate was constantly competing for recognition and respect, Amanda was a flaw in the system, a scar on the name that her parents had built.

Maybe that's why she didn't get along with Diana Cavendish. The heiress of the Cavendish Estate fell obediently into her role as British aristocracy and Amanda saw it as weakness, as a lapse into the patriarchal ways of an old society. Where Amanda fought her expectations daily, Diana embraced them without question.

In her mind, Diana was the problem.

Hannah England was different. She came from money, just like the rest of them, but she stuck out like a sore thumb and rebelled in her own way. She was wild and careless but conformed just enough to fool the best of them. She was a snake in the grass, a sly fox of a girl who thought little of expectations and much of her own desires.

In a story where Amanda was the protagonist, Hannah was the perfect sidekick. Witty, clever, and feisty, with just enough compassion where it was needed that Amanda had let herself sink into a friendship that she never knew she needed.

Hannah was the first person that Amanda disclosed her family woes with, the first person that she shared her desire to play soccer over riding (which was a dream long dead, because her chance was gone with the acceptance to Luna Nova). Hannah was the first person who listened and understood the reason behind her rebellion, the first person who encouraged Amanda to follow her own path. All her life, Amanda had known only one thing: resistance. With her parents she was on a single, one-way street with no off-ramps, no option for deviation. With Hannah, the world was at her fingertips and she felt like she could go  _anywhere_. It was Hannah who encouraged her to try out for the Games team over the Hunt team, it was Hannah who told her that it was her life and she needed to do what  _she_  wanted.

And maybe that's why she fell in love with her.

It was tough being in love with her best friend. Every fleeting touch was misery, every glance was analyzed over and over again in her mind until she rationalized that it meant nothing. She  _wanted_  it to mean nothing. She had often gotten the feeling that Hannah had felt the same way: the hand on a shoulder or a hip that would linger, the off-hand comments that Hannah would try to pass as jokes ("if we're both single in five years, we should just get married" or "we would be perfect for each other, you know"), the warm brown gaze that Amanda often felt on her during rides or classes together.

But Amanda made no move. A move would risk a friendship that she cherished, a move would risk the loss of someone so important to her that she couldn't bear the thought of losing.

Which was, as it stood, exactly what happened.

Months of pent-up feelings on both sides erupted in a single night of drinking and fun. They were away at a show in Bristol and had gone out to celebrate Luna Nova coming out on top on the point leaderboard. Amanda often drank a lot when she found a reason to—it was the result of her status as a late teen and being reckless to boot—and so that night was no exception. But Hannah drank a lot, too, and the alcohol slowly withered away the resistances, brought down the cracked wall that was holding them apart.

They'd crashed back into the hotel room, all lips and hands and uninhibited lust, and for the first time Amanda felt herself come apart beneath the girl that she had been so in love with for so long. The night was like a dream, amazing and perfect and wild with desire.

But with morning came regret.

Amanda didn't want to lose Hannah. She didn't want the other girl to know the extent of her feelings and so she'd played it off with the cool ease that she'd practiced her entire life. She acted like it was no big deal, like it was simply the result of two very close friends who just happened to drink too much. After all… that happened, right? Hannah was an affectionate and sexual person and Amanda lived in the moment. It was bound to happen eventually, Amanda reasoned.

And that's when Hannah had… agreed with her. Part of her had been hoping that Hannah would pick up where Amanda couldn't, that Hannah would confess her feelings and their relationship would evolve into more and Amanda wouldn't feel like it was  _her_  fault if something terrible happened because  _she_  wasn't the one who put everything on the table.

But Hannah had said, "You're right. It meant nothing."

Everything Amanda feared-losing Hannah, the one person she had connected with and the person who meant the most to her—happened almost immediately.

Hannah shut her out.

It seemed effortless on her part. Like it was easy to throw everything away, like Amanda meant nothing just like that night. And it had fallen so in line with everything else she had come to know, from her family and her "friends" back home: when you fail to meet expectations, you are tossed into the wind and told "good luck with the rest".

But then Akko came around.

Atsuko Kagari, who was carefree and nonjudgmental and just wanted to be friends with everybody. A girl with seemingly no restraint, who threw herself into the world and hoped it would accept her and if it didn't, well, that was okay, because she would be just fine.

At first Amanda didn't like Akko. At all. She had stolen the Captain role right out from under her, a wildcard who appeared out of nowhere and took Luna Nova's new Mounted Games team by storm. Amanda had been convinced that Captain would be hers. After all, she had been at Luna Nova for a year already. Miss Nelson knew her. The team knew her. She'd gotten a pony bred specifically for Games and was wild and rambunctious, just the right personality to game and game well.

But Akko came along with her nonchalant attitude and her hand-me-down pony and everybody seemed smitten. And Amanda was, too, in time.

Akko had this way of making everybody feel at home. For a girl who was far from her own, she had settled into the presence of others with a casual ease, like she had known everybody for her entire life. And though Amanda had tried to resist it, at first—mostly for the fact that she was jealous—she had eventually let herself be charmed just like the rest.

Suddenly Akko was the glue that brought everybody together. Her interest in Diana left a trail of bleeding affection that the others slowly picked up behind her. The division between the Hunt team and Games team, one caused by Amanda herself, slowly withered away, harsh word by cruel joke, and fell into serenity.

She had watched the developing relationship between Akko and Diana with something along the lines of both fascination and jealousy. Akko, with her desperate crush and complete obliviousness to Diana's unquenchable lesbian thirst, and Diana struggling in vain to flirt and only being met with a near-visible question mark above her head. It was a mix of funny and frustrating and, even though she didn't like Diana much and had been convinced for quite some time that the blonde had something to do with Hannah's attitude, she had to admit that she was happy for them. After all, she'd been there for the whole Chloe Cheating On Diana fiasco and it was heartbreaking to watch the once very confident girl deteriorate beneath the weight of loss.

After all, she had been through it, too. Just in a different way. She mourned the loss of something she never had.

And Akko… Akko deserved happiness overall. She put so much out, it was only right that she get some of that back. Plus, Akko had told her once that she'd never had a girlfriend (though Amanda hadn't, either, save for the keeper on her soccer team that she'd fooled around with a few times) and so it was exciting to see her friend go through those emotions for the first time.

And sure, she had interfered a little at first. But that was mostly just out of fun and she really wanted to see if Diana  _actually_  liked Akko. Getting a rise out of Diana Cavendish was unequivocally one of her favorite things and so she couldn't let the chance to do just that slip by without taking advantage of it a little bit.

But the whole thing had brought her to a realization that could no longer be ignored.

She and Hannah had not failed each other. They had failed themselves.

She knew now that Hannah had felt the same as her. That Hannah had shut Amanda away for the exact same reason that she had. They were both scared of losing each other and, as a result, lost each other. It had been a massive miscommunication to both themselves and each other.

Akko was the key that opened that door by bringing the two teams together. All she had to do was step through the threshold. She just had to take that terrifying step to fix it.

And so she decided to do just that.

That was why she had made the bargain with Diana to have Hannah and Barbara come along with her to the Games competition. She wanted that opportunity to talk to Hannah without the shield of false hostility, without the barrier that they'd erected between each other. It was still there, sure, but Amanda was sure now that she could bring it down. Barbara had taken the time to speak with her earlier in the week, to let her know that Hannah felt the same but thought she'd ruined everything.

In Amanda's book, nothing was ever ruined. Things just got banged up a little.

That night, at The Bear, it was working. Sure, their conversation was artificial and awkward, but they were talking and it wasn't angry and Hannah had even  _complimented_ her riding—

"You look awesome on that pony," Hannah had said and blushed into whatever fruity drink she'd ordered at the bar. Amanda had chugged some of her beer and looked away.

"Thanks," she had said. They were close together and alone. Barbara had thrown Amanda a very obvious wink before she'd gone off to talk to Frank and Lotte.

She had been about to say something more, about to maybe either fish for another compliment or deliver one herself (maybe about how cute Hannah looked, because she  _did_  look very cute) when a loud screech behind her made her swivel in surprise.

The scene that was playing out in front of her was  _not_  what she expected.

Chloe was standing in front of Akko and Diana, but she was absolutely drenched. Beer was trickling down her face, dripping from her chin and her hair, splashed all over the front of her jacket. Her hands were raised to the sides in disbelief as she tried to blink the liquid out of her eyes.

Akko was standing there, her empty pint glass in her hand and her red eyes wide with both shock and glee. Diana had backed off completely and looked like she wanted to be anywhere else. Her expression was tense and anxious and Amanda knew she was barely holding it together.

This… didn't look good at all.

"How fucking  _dare_  you?" Chloe shrieked. She flicked beer off her hands and stepped forward, her face red with rage and humiliation. If it came down to blows, Chloe was tall but Akko was lithe and athletic. They'd play wrestled once and Amanda had been shocked at how muscled the small girl was. But there was one problem—Akko would never, not in a million years, hit anybody. She would probably just lay there and take the beating.

But Amanda would not let it come to physicality. Not at all. One glance to Diana told her that she needed to get her out—get them both out—and  _quick_.

"Sorry!" Akko squeaked, though she didn't sound very sorry at all. "I just figured since you're so thirsty and all!"

Amanda would save that laugh for later and probably clap Akko on the back for it.

Damage control, initiate! Amanda set down her own glass and rushed forward. Andrew had stepped away and was howling with laughter as though it was the funniest thing he had ever seen—she made sure to take note so she could tear him a new one later—but Chloe was primed and ready to beat the shit out of Akko.

But before the tall brunette could even raise her fist, Amanda's palm had slammed into her wet chest to hold her away.

"Get her out of here. Now," Amanda hissed to Akko, who immediately and gratefully seized Diana's arm and stormed off through the crowd. Amanda turned her green eyes back to Chloe, her teeth grinding together with anger. "What the fuck is your problem?"

"What's  _my_  problem?" Chloe snapped. She raised her fist—the one she had been thinking about hitting Akko with—and swiped beer away from her eyes. Mascara smeared with the action. "That cunt is the one who threw beer on  _me_!"

"This is pure gold." Andrew was cackling, loud and obnoxious.

"Diana doesn't want anything to do with you," Amanda said. She felt her lip twitch with distaste. The girl reeked of beer and desperation. "And I don't understand this petty fucking game you're playing, but you need to fuck right off and let her live her god damn life. You're the one who fucked off and ruined it. You don't get to have a say in what she does anymore."

Chloe didn't reply. She shrugged Amanda's hand off her, shooting a glare at Andrew before turning and storming off through a group of staring onlookers.

"And you—" Amanda whirled on Andrew, her finger jabbing into his chest. He stopped laughing but the smirk never left his face as she glowered down at her, "—can get the fuck out, too."

"Gladly," Andrew muttered, raising his hands in mock defeat. He followed Chloe.

Amanda felt a hand, soft but firm, seize her lower arm and tug. Hannah.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" the auburn-haired girl asked. She was red in the face, her tongue rolling over her lips as she studied Amanda. Her expression was unreadable. Anger, maybe? Embarrassment?

Great, now she was in trouble with Hannah for confronting Chloe. Picturing Andrew's prince-bred pony dumping him in a pile of manure, she sighed in acceptance of her fate and let Hannah pull her through the bar, into the bitter night air, and into the side alley adjacent to the building. She shoved her hands into her pockets and shivered into her jacket, puffing a stream of air in front of her as she stared down at the shorter girl.

"I know, I shouldn't have—"

"Stop," Hannah interrupted.

Amanda stared. Blinked. Okay, so Hannah didn't want to hear an apology—

"I was going to… later. But I think you deserve this now and I can't wait anymore."

"Hu-mmph!"

Amanda's confusion was cut short by the soft lips that crashed against her own. She was so startled that she froze, her hands stiff and clenched in her pockets, her eyes wide with surprise. But then the gravity of what was happening hit her full force and she sank into Hannah, the cold of the night and the snow that crunched underneath their feet distant in the background.

And she kissed her back.

Hannah pulled back after a moment, her breath warm and clouding around Amanda's face. One hand was clutching the front of her jacket as though to ground herself.

They were at a pub. They were drinking. Amanda swallowed hard, staring into the warm brown eyes that were looking back at her, and hesitated.

It was as though Hannah knew what she was thinking. And maybe she did. The other girl had a knack for finishing her sentences, for beating her to the punch line of her own jokes, for voicing the vibe of a room with the innate perception of an observer. Maybe that's why she was a Psychology major. It fit.

"I haven't had anything to drink," Hannah admitted. "I only got juice. I didn't want you to think that this didn't matter. I made that mistake the first time and I don't want to do it again. You matter, Amanda."

Amanda let out a long, slow breath. Something in her chest lurched at the words and she swallowed her own words, the ones that she had wanted for so long to say, because she didn't want it to be here, now. She nodded slowly, her teeth gnawing at her bottom lip, and finally said, "You matter, too," because the other three words could wait. They  _would_ wait.

"Now let's get back in there," Hannah said, grinning, "And have a good time."

"Akko and Diana," Amanda replied, glancing off to the alley, to the white cobblestone streets that were flooded with the orange glow of the streetlights, where the sound of laughter and chatting echoed against the walls.

"Akko will take care of it," Hannah murmured. She tilted her head up and planted another small kiss to Amanda's still lips, smiling into them as she reached into Amanda's jacket pocket. The American felt a cold hand close down against her warm skin and finally let the smile slip through the uncertainty.

"You're right," Amanda agreed. "Akko always fixes things."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year's eve!


	27. Oxford pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is mature. and uh.. that might be generous. okay? you heard it here first, no complaints pls!

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

One of the last things she had expected Akko to do was to throw her beer in Chloe's face. Diana couldn't say she was upset about it—sure, it had come as a surprise and she herself would never have done something so uncouth—but the entire confrontation had her anxiety so scaled up she didn't really have the opportunity to think much about it. Her ex-girlfriend was standing in front of her,  _again_ , this time at the whim of her ex-best friend's entertainment, and she just wanted to leave. It wasn't fair that Chloe kept showing up and interfering with her life. It was even less fair that Akko had to deal with it, too.

It made her feel horrible.

She stopped Akko outside the pub, planting her heels in resistance as the girl tried to tug her off down the narrow street and back to their lodging. This was Akko's celebration, Akko's night, Akko's competition. It wasn't her fault that Andrew had invited Diana's crazy ex-girlfriend. He had only done it as a form of revenge, one of his many over the years. As a way to get under her skin for what she had supposedly done to him.

"Akko, go back inside," she said. She wrapped her scarf tight around her neck and huddled into her coat, leveling blue eyes on the brunette. Akko had stopped and looked at her curiously, dark eyebrows stitched together in confusion at the sudden stop.

She cocked her head ever so slightly to the side and narrowed her eyes. "Why would I do that?"

"I'll head back by myself," Diana murmured. The cold stung her face and her breath shallowed as the cold air burned her throat. "You don't deserve this. Just go back to your friends. It's your night to have fun."

"Oh, shut up," Akko grumbled. "I don't care about all that." She reached out, seizing Diana's cold hand, and started walking again.

Diana let herself be led back, her eyes downcast at her shoes as they crunched against the thin layer of snow. Akko's fingers threaded through her own, warm and comforting, and the smaller girl leaned into her.

"Are you mad?" Akko asked. "About... the beer thing?" Her voice was hesitant, kind of shaky. But Diana couldn't tell if it was from her chattering teeth or a fear of Diana's infamous temper.

Diana shook her head. "No. I'm not mad at you," she answered honestly. She rolled her jaw as she brought her eyes up and stared straight ahead. She felt so distant, far away, as though the only thing holding her down was Akko's hand gripping her own. "I feel awful. I keep…" she hesitated, frowned. "I keep ruining everything. You don't deserve this. I don't deserve  _you_."

Hot tears were streaking down her cheeks, leaving ice cold trails in their wake. When had she started crying?

Akko stopped.

Diana could hear the laughter of a few people standing outside a nearby pub, could smell the faint scent of cigarette smoke. A football team had just scored—cheers had erupted from inside—and somebody yelled something garbled and unintelligible. Diana squeezed her eyes shut, shied away from the scrutiny that was Akko's bright red eyes.

"What are you talking about?" Akko said softly. She was wearing a warm smile, the corners of her eyes turned upwards. Her breath froze into the air, a thick vapor that lingered between them, and Akko took Diana's other hand in her own. "You haven't ruined anything. Nothing that happened is your fault."

"It's  _my_  ex." Diana felt her cheek muscle twitch and she looked down at their joined hands, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. "And therefore my fault."

Akko chuckled. Not in the  _that's funny_  way, more in the  _that's ridiculous_ way. "You're so smart, but I don't think you get how that works. You can't control other people. Diana, you're amazing. You're patient and so nice and pretty and I feel like I don't deserve  _you_."

"That's stupid," Diana muttered. She sniffled and tilted her head to swipe her cheek against her scarf. Akko must have noticed because she dropped one of her hands, which was immediately flooded with cold, and gently wiped her tears away with her thumb.

"See? It's stupid when you say it, too."

"Akko, I…" Diana let out a heavy sigh, feeling herself soften and melt into the warm eyes gazing back at her. A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "I really like you."

"Ditto," Akko said. She rose on her toes and kissed her, lips cold but soft, in the middle of the snow-covered brick street. Some drunk chav from the bar nearby cheered and yelled something that was definitely  _not_  an innocent comment.

Akko laughed into the kiss and dropped away, squeezing Diana's hand again. "Besides, who's to say we can't still celebrate? We'll just do it alone. C'mon, let's go."

She still didn't think she deserved Akko. She didn't think she ever would, honestly. She was kind and sweet and easy going. She took everything at face value and questioned very little. Everything else in her life was always so convoluted and complex. Her studies, her riding, her estate. Usually, there was always a solution to be found, always some abstract problem that Diana had to work around.

But Akko… Akko was simple.

Diana could get used to simple.

* * *

"I can't believe we're doing this. This is the strangest thing I have ever done in my life to date."

"Eh," Akko said, glancing over her shoulder. "What kinda boring life have you been living?"

Diana was shivering, her arms crossed over her nearly bare chest, as she watched Akko kneeling on the bathroom floor and sticking her hand under the stream of water that was shooting out of the faucet. She was in her little red bikini—God bless that bikini and Akko's incredible body—and drawing them a bath.

"Dammit, I wanted to get in the jacuzzi," Diana had muttered when they hit the warm gust of air that was the hotel lobby and she'd glanced at the heated pool and jacuzzi behind the massive glass wall. Children were everywhere. And not just a few. It was like somebody was having a birthday party and parents had just let them run wild with little regard for anybody else. Diana scowled, shoving the hand that wasn't holding Akko's deep into her coat pocket. Her face was flushed from the cold and she sniffled a little bit, dipping her face to rub her nose against her scarf.

"No problem," Akko had said, as though the solution had been there the entire time. She shrugged and grinned up at Diana. "We can make our own."

Diana had no clue what the other girl had meant, but she quickly found out when they got back upstairs to their room and Akko told her to change into her bathing suit. She followed her orders, hesitantly but with overwhelming curiosity, and, well mostly because if they got in their bathing suits Diana would have an opportunity to see Akko's incredible abs again. Really, she didn't need another reason.

And now she was standing in the bathroom, her feet cold against the marble floor, while Akko filled up the tub.

"This isn't a jacuzzi," she had said, though she couldn't hide the amusement in her voice.

Akko turned the faucet off and scrambled to her feet, dipping her toes into the water with a wince. "Same basic idea," she replied, submerging one foot all the way before clambering in completely. She plopped down with a splash, wincing as she looked back at Diana. "Kinda hot. Hurry up and get in because I'll overheat in, like, three minutes."

Diana sighed in defeat, chuckling to herself as she stepped forward and tested the water with her fingers. It was scalding hot. It was a good thing she liked that. Chloe never used to take a shower with her because Diana insisted on having the water at such a high temperature. She climbed in and lowered herself down at the opposite end of the tub as Akko, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them as she stared at the girl across from her.

"See? Jacuzzi."

Diana smiled. Akko stretched her legs out and curled her toes against the side of Diana's foot, which made her jerk away from the tickle with a laugh. The ends of the brunette's long hair were submerged and floating around her shoulders. Her skin was flushed from the heat, her cheeks bright red as she licked her lips and let her eyes fall over Diana's body. It would have made her uncomfortable, but she was checking Akko out, too, and so they stood on even ground.

"You have… a really nice body," Diana breathed before her brain even gave her the option of holding the words back. She felt heat rising to her cheeks, though she supposed they were already just as red as Akko's. The tug on her lower abdomen made her inhale sharply.

"You… you do, too," Akko murmured. There was a haze in her eyes that Diana hadn't seen before.

Her breath shallowed in her nostrils as she clenched her jaw and looked away.

Silence stretched between them, a vast expanse of awkward air. Diana squirmed and felt the water lapping at her waist—it wasn't deep enough to reach her chest—and she took a deep, shuddering breath to fill her anxious lungs.

"It's really hot in here," Akko said, laughing. "I'm sweating." She sank down into the water, a smooth calf brushing against Diana's. A little bit of water sloshed out of the bathtub with the movement.

"It is," Diana confirmed, though she couldn't be sure if it was the bath that had her so hot or the boiling of her blood at the sight of the extremely attractive girl sitting right in front of her. She rolled her jaw, bending forward to rest her chin on her knees. This—sitting in the bathtub in her bathing suit with another girl-was something she had never done before. It was strange, but at the same time oddly comfortable. It felt right to do something a little weird with Akko. With Akko, the rigid rules and expectations that had coined the British heiress's life seemed to fall away to impulse and cautious abandon.

The other girl twisted in the tub, sloshing around more water and scrambling gracelessly for a moment before she managed to upright herself. She dropped forward onto her knees and leaned in.

Diana smirked. She raised her head and tilted her chin forward, waiting for Akko's lips.

But, instead, she felt hands pushing against her knees and found herself falling over backwards with the sudden, unexpected pressure. Akko was laughing loudly and playfully as Diana splashed back into the water, her shoulders sliding against the slippery plastic of the tub. Water shot out everywhere—all over the wall, the floor, the bathmat. "Hey!" Diana scowled. "That wasn't very—"

Akko shot forward and lips hit her own so hard her upper teeth bit into the skin. Diana could feel the other girl's sharp breath, the hands that wrapped around her bare, wet waist to hold her steady. She let herself ease slowly backwards, the water lapping at her arms and chest, as Akko pressed into her and kissed her hard.

Akko's leg slid between her own and moved forward, rocked into her. Diana's breath stuttered and she pulled away, her eyes falling to the slender white thigh that was pushed up against her. Akko looked down, too, almost as though she was surprised by her own action. Her nostrils were wide and flaring as crimson eyes turned back to blue. Her lips parted.

For a moment, Diana thought Akko was going to apologize. It was what she came to expect of the other girl. She would do something that was perfectly okay and then back away, almost as though she was terrified of rejection, and Diana would have to reassure her that nothing she did was wrong. But… Akko didn't do that. Instead, she moved forward, tentatively capturing Diana in another kiss and rolling her hips forward as she started moving against her much in the way Diana had... that night.

Water rolled around them, warm wave after warm wave, as the ferocity of their kiss grew. Diana let herself slide deeper into the bath as she brought her hands up to grip into Akko's hips, feeling the thin skin of the girl's pelvis flexing over the bone with each slow, painful movement. She was throbbing, aching. She could feel herself getting more wet with every grind against her core. If this didn't stop soon, she would be... very uncomfortable.

She broke away again, breathed heavily into the flushed skin of Akko's neck. Akko panted against the shell of her ear and Diana could feel her lips brushing against her pulse point.

"Akko," Diana murmured. She dug the pads of her fingers into Akko's hips, pushing her up and away.

"S-sorry," Akko stuttered. Her tongue darted from her mouth and licked her lips as she let her arms slide away from Diana's waist and press against the floor of the bathtub to push herself up. Her thigh stayed locked between Diana's legs. "Sorry if I—"

"No, no," Diana reassured. She let one hand fall from Akko's hip and ran it over Akko's perspiring temple, threading fingers into the slightly damp hair. "I like it. It's just… it's really hot in here." She chuckled, bit her lip.

Akko flushed. "Oh. Right. We can… get out." She rocked back onto her knees and reached behind her to pull the plug of the drain, the water swirling and gurgling as it fell away. "We kind of made a mess." Akko chuckled, eyeing the water everywhere as she scratched the back of her head and stood. "My bad."

"It… was nice," Diana breathed. It was hot in  _many_  more ways than the steam from the bath, anyway. She scrambled to her feet, brushing water off her abdomen and thighs, and reached for a towel to start drying herself. The air was chilly compared to the water and goosebumps nipped at her pale skin, lifting the soft blonde hair on her arms.

"We don't, um…" Akko hesitated, hugging her towel loosely around her body as she nibbled her lip and brought her eyes to Diana's. "We don't have to stop."

Akko stepped forward. Let the towel fall away. Her skin was a prickled from the air, too, a canvas of tiny hills spread across her smooth skin. One hand fell to Diana's waist, a thumb dragging slowly across the front of her hipbone, and she pressed in.

Diana felt her back meet the wall. It was soft, gentle, nothing like the way Diana wanted to put  _Akko_ against the wall. Akko's lips were warm on her own in a barely-there kiss, a hesitant brush of affection that left Diana craving more. She leaned forward, but Akko pulled away. Fingers wrapped around her own and tugged and she followed Akko out of the washroom and to the… bed?

"Akko, we can cuddle after we get changed. I am not getting in that bed with a wet bathing suit on," Diana scolded. She pulled back.

Akko was looking at her strangely. She fidgeted, her fingers flexing against Diana's, and said:

"Then… take it off."

Blood pounded mercilessly into her face, drumming against her ears as she blinked at Akko. There was no way she heard that correctly. "I… um. Pardon?"

For the first time, she noticed that Akko was shaking. It was hardly noticeable, but there. Her shoulders were quivering, the muscles around her jaw tense and working as she took a wavering breath. She dropped Diana's hand and reached behind her to pull the string of her bikini between her shoulder blades and it fell loose.

"Y-you can finish," Akko stuttered.

Diana swallowed. Something in her gut was doing somersaults and she was scared to move, afraid that the scene unfolding in front of her was fragile and would disappear as soon as she lifted a finger. "Akko, we don't have to—"

"I want to," Akko cut in. She wet her lips and leaned forward, the triangles of her bikini top cold and wet against Diana's skin, and kissed her. Slowly, carefully. A question, a plea for affirmation. Not a statement.

Diana's ran her fingers up Akko's shivering sides, met the dangling fabric of the top, and gently lifted it and let it fall to the floor. She felt Akko's fingers on her own top, fumbling and nervous as she felt for the hook and slipped it out. She raised it and Diana ducked away, letting her eyes drift for the first time to her girlfriend's body.

Bloody.

Fucking.

Hell.

A shuddering breath slid from between her lips as she stared. She couldn't  _not_. Akko was looking at her, too, and she suddenly felt nervous and exposed but it was okay, she could do this. Her heart hammered against her chest—there was no way Akko couldn't feel it, couldn't hear it—and white noise filled her head with a primal static.

Akko hooked her bottom, slid out of it, kicked it away. Diana followed her movements, sliding out of her own wet bottom, letting it crumple at her feet as she stepped carefully out of it. The air chilled her damp skin.

"Kuso," Akko whispered. She was shaking a little harder now, her hands finding Diana's waist and squeezing as she looked up, worried red eyes finding the placid lake of blue, and breathed in hard. "I'm nervous."

"Me, too," Diana replied. Her voice came out low, husky with desire, and she leaned slowly in to press her forehead against Akko's, stepping forward to bring their bare bodies together. One hand rose to caress the girl's cheek, a thumb running slowly over her jawbone. The other danced along the girl's spine.

"Y-you've done th-this before," Akko said. A nervous chuckle escaped her lips and she shifted in Diana's arms. Her eyes never wavered, holding Diana's in a stalemate, a silent appeal for reassurance. The brunette's body was warm and soft against her own.

"Not with you," Diana murmured.

Akko's fingers flexed and tightened against Diana's waist once more. Diana knew she was scared, knew that she was afraid of messing up. She had been there. And Akko had brought them this far. She had taken a long, powerful, terrifying step forward on her own.

So it was only fair that Diana would take her the rest of the way.

Her fingers slid around the back of Akko's neck and she tugged, felt the response ready and waiting beneath her touch. Akko surged forward.

Diana met her in the middle, a collision of soft lips and warm breaths. Her body was throbbing, screaming, begging for the girl in her arms and it was all she could think about. She pressed forward, urging Akko backwards, following when the girl stumbled back into the bed and scrambled up, her heels finding purchase in the sheets. Their lips never parted. They grappled together, all tangled limbs and desperate mouths and wandering hands as Diana climbed on top of the brunette and moved against her.

After a moment, Diana broke away. She seized Akko around the waist and guided her until her head hit the pillow. She wasn't going to do this sideways on the bed. Maybe for their third or fourth time, but this was Akko's first and, well, she wanted her to be comfortable and at ease. Diana's first time had been long before she was ready—it was only because she thought she had to, because she thought it was the obvious next step. It had been uncomfortable and awkward and everything that she thought it  _wouldn't_ be.

If she had anything to do with it—and she had everything to do with it—Akko's would not be the same.

Her breath came in heavy pants, the stirring in her abdomen melting through her core as she gazed down at Akko's body. The brunette was still beneath her, gazing up with wide red eyes. She wanted to touch her everywhere, to run her hands over that pale, smooth skin... but she didn't know where she wanted to start.

All in good time.

"What?" Akko asked. Her voice was barely a wheezing breath, a mix of nervous fear and arousal.

"You're just..." Diana let out a long, heavy sigh and leaned down, lips brushing against Akko's cheek. "Really beautiful," she finished, a whisper into Akko's ear, and brought her mouth to the soft, waiting skin of the brunette's neck.

She felt Akko's hands on her waist, fingernails coasting up her sides to send shivers down her spine. Diana's chest heaved and her abdomen rolled beneath each shiver-inducing touch and she slowly, carefully, and with great hesitation pushed her leg between Akko's and moved it forward.

Akko was wet against her. The brunette gasped at the connection, the burst of a warm breath coasting over Diana's neck as she turned. Diana knew what she wanted, and so she complied and found the girl's lips once more. A ghost of a moan slipped from behind Akko's teeth as she rolled her hips forward and met Diana's offered thigh in a tentative grind. A gentle whimper made Diana break away.

"Are you alright?" she asked. Her thumb rolled against Akko's temple as she gazed into the big eyes that were staring up at her. The fingers of her other hand trailed down Akko's neck, over the hill of her collarbone, against the ridges of her sternum.

Akko nodded vigorously. She took a deep breath and said, "Yeah. It feels good." She chuckled and added. "I won't... uh... you know. Again. I promise. One time thing."

"Good," Diana murmured, laughing. She threaded her fingers through Akko's hair and tugged until she tilted her head back. She dipped, her mouth colliding with a delicate neck once more, and slowly trailed down. Akko's nails were still scraping along her sides, her back, gentle but desperate in their ministrations. Diana took a nipple into her mouth, felt it harden against her tongue, and Akko's chest heaved with a gasp as her hips fell and arched forward.

"Kuso," she heard Akko whisper. One hand dropped to the sheets as the other coasted up her back and gripped at her shoulderblades. The grip was tight but not painful. Diana took sharp breaths through her nose as she rolled her tongue and sucked lightly, firm but cautious, and the pads of the fingers on her shoulder gripped harder.

She could tell Akko wanted to do something with her hands when they started moving everywhere, gliding over her abdomen and her breasts, tugging at her back and dipping to her hips and then traveling back up. But Akko could wait. They had all night. Where Akko's patience ended, Diana's began.

Diana brought her mouth back up, let them fall once more onto Akko's waiting lips. The other girl moaned against her, her gasps coming heavy and shallow as Diana's free hand trailed down, coasting over the flat valley of her stomach, against the gentle dips of her abs, over the sharp curve of her hipbone. Akko pulled back when Diana's thigh fell away and her palm moved to cup her core. She was hot and wet and Diana had to squeeze her eyes shut and swallow hard to still the ache that throbbed through her veins.

One finger pressed forward, ran against her gently and experimentally, sliding through folds slick with desire. Akko choked on a moan and arched her back, her breasts rising with a heavy breath and her mouth falling open for a shuddering gasp to slip from between kiss-blushed lips.

"Ngh, Diana." Hands found purchase once more on Diana's shoulderblades and dug in. She was gazing up at Diana with half-lidded red eyes that were clouded with lust and Diana watched as they widened at the touch, when focus fell away as she carefully slid a single finger inside and curled it. "Fuck," Akko hissed, her fingernails pressing half-moons into Diana's skin as they clawed for a hold. Her hips bucked low before lifting to meet the pressure of Diana's finger.

"Are you alright?" Diana asked again. Her breath shallowed, caught in her throat and behind her teeth, as she sat up and ran her fingers over the side of Akko's face, down across her modest chest and finding the center of her ribcage.

"Yes," Akko whispered. Her eyes squeezed shut as she squirmed beneath the pressure of Diana's palm. "Keep going."

Diana complied. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips as she gazed down at the brunette's reaction as she began to move inside her, slowly and carefully at first until Akko's hips were moving to meet each thrust. She slid a second finger inside-

and Akko cried out, throwing her head back as her whole body arched and twisted. Diana watched with a hard surge in her chest as she curled her fingers and began to move in steady rhythm. Akko's nostrils flared with each desperate breath of air, her jaw clenched, her eyes closed and opened as she struggled to hold Diana's stare. Her hands had fallen back to the sheets and she was grasping them, white-knuckled with effort, as her entire body reacted to Diana's touch.

Diana lowered herself back down and Akko brought her head up and crashed their lips together, moaning and gasping into the pressure of the kiss as Diana hooked an arm beneath Akko's torso and held her tight. She wanted to be there to ground her, to be a shield of protection in case things became too much and Akko needed to stop, to be something to hold onto. They rocked together in a combination of gasping and heavy breathing and choked whimpering, of sweating skin and stray blonde hair that seemed to always be in the way, of teeth and wet lips that struggled to keep a rhythm.

She could feel Akko starting to come apart. Breaths shallowed even more, shuddering and rattling and echoing at the back of Akko's throat. The other girl's fingers were straining against the sheets, jerking the fabric up with every buck of her hips, and her lips had long since stopped working against Diana's. Her head fell back against the pillow and Diana watched her girlfriend—God, she was so fucking hot—as her bright red eyes glazed into an empty stare back into Diana's own.

Diana slid her thumb through Akko's wet core and pressed the pad of it gently in the one spot she knew would end everything, moving in slow circles as she continued to roll her fingers inside.

Every single muscle in Akko's body contracted at the contact. Her lips parted, dry from the rhythmic panting for air, and a single, guttural moan slid from within.

"I'm gonna-"

"Come," Diana finished for her, her voice quiet but firm. She licked her lips and leaned down, knowing exactly how to get Akko there from the night she'd accidentally reached her peak while they were making out. She buried her nose into Akko's hair, a long breath coursing over the girl's ear as she repeated the word in a breathy whisper. "Come."

Akko came.

She whimpered loud and long, her teeth clamping down on her bottom lip, her heels digging into the sheets as she pushed herself toward the pillow. Her abdomen crumpled and her shoulders rose. Her chest heaved in a shuddering gasp. Her fingers ripped and clawed at the sheets. Diana felt muscles clamping around her as the other girl's hips bucked and pressed into her fingers, desperately riding out her orgasm. Red eyes shimmered and brightened, a sudden clarity passing over the dilated pupils as she lurched forward. Akko's lips found Diana's but she didn't kiss, she just moaned and panted against her mouth in an attempt to ground herself as the waves inside her fell to weak, quivering stillness.

And she sighed back, her chest heaving beneath a sheen of sweat, her bangs damp against her forehead. Diana lingered, her lips still parted as she watched Akko slowly coming down from her high. Akko's face was flushed as she dropped her hands away from the abused sheets and wrapped around Diana's waist, her hands weak and shaking against her body. Diana slid through Akko one final time, making the girl's body shudder and her hips tilt away, before her hand came to rest, fingers curled and careful not to touch anything, off to the side.

"Are you alright?" she breathed, asking for the third time. Her blood was loud in her ears, pounding against her skull as she stared down at the sight of the beautiful girl below her. At the brunette hair that fanned out on the white pillow, at the lips that moved slowly over chapped lips, at the trembling breaths that were sucked in through flared nostrils.

"Y-yes," Akko replied, her voice hoarse and deep in her dry mouth. "That..." she swallowed, fingers flexing into Diana's side. "Wow."

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

She was scared that she might have. Diana could get rough, a lot of the times unintentionally, but she had tried her hardest to be gentle and careful. She had reminded herself with every stroke, with every curl of her fingers, to go slow and make sure that Akko was okay. The last thing she wanted was to hurt her, was to make her feel uncomfortable.

"No," Akko replied. A small smile twitched at the corner of her lips. "You didn't. It felt great."

Hands tugged at Diana's body and she slipped down, fell to the pillow beside Akko. She grinned into the blushing face of her girlfriend and leaned forward to kiss her gingerly at the corner of her lips. "Good." She could feel how wet she was—it clung to the insides of her thighs and made her ache with desire—but she could wait. Besides, Akko might not be comfortable-

"It's my turn," Akko murmured. Her mouth spread into a smile and she ran a soft hand down Diana's side, over her hips and the top of her thigh.

"Akko," Diana started, breathing out slowly as her lungs slowly caught up to present time. "You don't have to."

"I know," Akko said. She rolled over, her damp body pressing against Diana's, one thigh slipping between her legs and pressing inward to achieve a squeeze of Diana's eyes and a small gasp. She tightened her muscles around Akko's leg.

"I want to." The brunette pushed herself up onto a shaky elbow, analyzing Diana for a moment before falling back against the pillow and laughing. "Just... give a girl a minute to recover, would you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote half of this at work. do you know what that does to a girl? also, i had to get up and walk many, many times.
> 
> happy new year. cheers, mates <3
> 
> (and don't forget, we always get akko's perspective. so, uh... let's ride it out into ch. 28, shall we?)


	28. Oxford pt. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is like 90% mature. do not read this next to your mother (coughunabletosleepmanedblackwolf) or near your family at all. do not blame me if you do.

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

The way Diana stared into Akko's eyes while she moved inside her was driving her wild. Akko's tongue darted out of her mouth, wetting her dry lips.

Diana was holding her tight in one arm, curling over her. Akko clutched Diana's shoulder blades, feeling the muscles roll and tense beneath the soft skin with each thrust of her arm. She felt like she was looking through a fog as she stared into unwavering blue. The blonde's lips were slightly parted, quiet gasps rolling against the roof of her mouth. There was the hint of a smile—one that made Akko's chest swell with affection while also getting more turned on—that twitched every time Akko's eyes rolled back with a moan. Waves of platinum blonde hair fell around the other girl's pale face, tickling Akko's chest as it brushed against the bare skin.

Akko hadn't known what to expect. Pain, maybe? She'd heard a lot about pain. Not that it was the reason she was scared—she had a pretty high pain tolerance and wasn't really worried about that aspect—but because she was worried that she would make a mistake, that she would make things awkward or strange or just ruin them altogether. The last thing she wanted to do was disappoint Diana. Especially when the other girl knew what she was doing, knew what to expect.

She had thought about having sex with Diana... a lot. Even when she'd tried before, she wanted to. She was just scared and the amount of panic that gripped her mind had taken over and caused a complete and total meltdown. But she had a beautiful girlfriend who had shown how kind and patient she was and her whole body ached with desire that couldn't be ignored. She didn't want to wait anymore. There was no point. Much like their first kiss, Akko didn't think there would ever be a "perfect" time. No, she had to throw herself into the deep end and hope for the best in typical Akko Kagari fashion.

It wasn't as though she'd  _planned_ on that being the exact night. It just kind of happened. The sight of Diana in her bikini in Akko's makeshift bathcuzzi (which was a completely bullshit act, if Akko was being honest, because she really just wanted to see Diana's body) had put her on the edge of that precipice. And though she was still terrified to take that last step, the way Diana had moved beneath her as she kissed her in the tub had pushed her over the edge and sent her freefalling into the abyss. An aching throb had pulsed through her body and she knew, then, that she couldn't wait. She wanted Diana. There, then.

She didn't regret it.

The feeling of Diana inside of her made her entire body tingle and her hips rose each time the wrist resting between her thighs tensed, the ligaments hardening against her skin. She lasted a lot longer than she thought she would based on The Great Humiliation of 2018. Though... she  _had_  kind of taken care of herself in the shower earlier. How could she not? Who could blame her? She had an incredibly sexy girl in her room who kissed her in a way that made her skin tingle, whose touch made her head sizzle with disorientation.

Akko could feel her orgasm building. Her leg muscles tensed, toes curling as she pressed forward, an unintentionally loud moan quivering against the soft lips barely moving against her own. She pawed at the fabric in her hands, tightening her grip on the sheets—she couldn't kiss Diana anymore, she couldn't focus—and held on.

Diana's thumb pressed into her with just the right amount of pressure. Her head fell back, limp against the pillow, and she struggled to hold those lust-filled blue eyes with her own through the fog that was flooding into her vision.

A long, wavering moan slid from the back of her throat and her jaw tensed, pulling her lips apart as she squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm gonna-"

"Come," she heard Diana say. Her voice was soft and sweet, ringing through the blood pounding in Akko's ears. She felt the other girl nuzzle against her neck, into her hair, warm breath coursing over her ear. "Come." A breathy whisper—so hot and perfect and overpowering—and Akko felt herself sinking, melting into the incredible feeling of Diana's fingers, Diana's body.

She fell apart with a long whine, her eyes flying open to find pools of blue and her mouth moving in a frantic attempt to say something, anything as wave after wave slammed into her. She felt her legs moving, kicking as she tried to push herself up, into the fingers that still curled a steady rhythm inside her. The corner of Diana's mouth pulled into an encouraging smile, short pants filtering from between pale lips that Akko just  _had_  to kiss-

She surged forward to meet them, just for something to hold onto while she came, though she couldn't move them. The soft skin of the blonde's lips brushed against her teeth as she gasped against warm breath.

Diana stilled inside her, a lingering pressure that seemed to hold Akko together, and she sank into the pillow. She was a shaking, sweating mess. She raised her hips into fingers as they left, adjusting slowly to the sudden empty feeling, and she shuddered away from a firm touch to where she was still sensitive. Diana's hand was glistening and she put it daintily to the side, careful to not get anything on the sheets or Akko. Though, Akko figured that really didn't matter, because she was a mess and the sheets were, too.

"Are you alright?" Diana asked again. Her voice was a pant of air. She was gazing down at Akko with an expression that was either satisfaction or worry. Maybe both, Akko couldn't tell.

"Y-yes," she stuttered.  "Wow."

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Akko wet her lips, swallowing hard in an attempt to ease her dry mouth, and let out a heavy sigh. "No," she said. "You didn't. It felt great."

Nothing hurt. Nothing felt bad. No, she felt  _incredible_. Diana had been careful and patient and so insanely hot that Akko felt a fresh wave of arousal surge inside her. Her skin was still tingling, numb with pleasure. Her hands found Diana's waist and she tugged her down, wanting to feel her naked body against her own, wanting to be closer.

Diana's cheeks were dusted with cherry red as she leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of Akko's lips. "Good," she murmured, husky and deep, and the tug at Akko's abdomen sparked.

She wanted to give Diana the same thing Diana had given her. She wanted to touch her everywhere, make her writhe and moan and come apart at her fingertips. "It's my turn," she heard herself say. Her hand found Diana's soft skin, a little damp with sweat, and she traced her fingers gently down.

"Akko, you don't have to."

Diana looked uncertain, maybe a little bit nervous. Her teeth closed around her bottom lip and blue eyes twitched from Akko's lips to her still heaving chest. Maybe she thought Akko felt pressured. Maybe she thought Akko wasn't ready for that part.

No, Akko wanted it more than anything else.

She pressed in, the sensation of hard nipples against her chest giving her a sharp intake of breath, and slid her thigh between Diana's. The other girl's legs parted to let her in and she pushed forward, licking her lips while she watched the reaction. Diana's eyelids fluttered and she gasped, muscles tightening against Akko's skin.

"I know," Akko whispered. She pushed herself up—her body was still weak and quivering and she hadn't realized it until that movement—and added, "I want to." Her arm, shaking with the effort of holding her body up, buckled. Akko fell back against the pillow, a nervous laugh filtering through her lips. "Just give a girl a minute to recover, would you?"

Diana grinned back. She stayed on her side, hips rolling as she pressed herself into Akko's thigh, and ran fingers through damp brunette hair. "Take all the time you need."

"You're, um..." Akko rose again, a long sigh slipping through flaring nostrils as she gazed down at the flushed face of her girlfriend. She chuckled and curled the pads of her fingers into Diana's waist as the other girl grinded into her. "You're really wet."

"Yeah," Diana breathed. Her eyelids drifted shut again, lips parting as a long breath fell from within. Her voice was a hushed whisper, a barely-there gasp of air. "I am."

Akko let her free hand wander. She wanted to touch Diana everywhere, and so she did. She stilled her thigh—she found she didn't have to do much, because Diana's hand fell to the back of it and she was grinding against it on her own—and coasted her palm up the girl's soft side. Skin rose and fell over curved mounds of ribs and Akko made sure to take her time with each one, marveling at how they expanded with each shaky breath that Diana took.

She pushed herself up, kissing those flushed lips as she moved, and held herself above Diana.

"Ow," Diana hissed, laughing when one of Akko's elbows struck her hipbone.

"Oh! Sorry!" Akko squealed. She blushed and offered a sheepish smile, pressing her palm to the spot she'd hit and rubbing gently. "Sorry!" she apologized again.

Diana grinned back, bright blue eyes locking onto crimson. She rolled onto her back, fingers sliding at the wispy hairs of Akko's neck. "It's okay."

She tugged Akko down.

Akko met a soft, wet lips that moved against her own in a frenzy. Diana's hips rose and fell, rocking against her, wet and sliding against her skin. She was doing all the work. Akko couldn't have that. She pushed away from Diana and trailed her mouth down, kissing everywhere, tongue darting out to taste salty skin. She took her time, her hand covering everywhere that her lips couldn't, fingers cupping and flexing against warm skin and soft breasts.

Diana closed her eyes, sighed. Her back arched beneath the touch, pressing herself into Akko's inexperienced mouth.

Akko lifted her gaze to the girl's face and watched as her tongue darted experimentally against a stiff nipple, curling and sliding. Diana bit down on her lower lip and arched up again, a hint of a whimper dying in the back of her throat to come out as nothing more than a squeak.

Kuso, that was hot. Akko wanted more of  _those_  noises.

She felt herself shaking a little bit. She was nervous, yeah, but also aroused and anxious and quivering with the anticipation of the power she held at her fingertips. She dragged her fingernails down Diana's side, against the outside of a thigh, and watched as goosebumps trailed in their wake.

"Akko," Diana panted.

She opened her eyes and looked up. Blonde hair was spread everywhere, falling across Diana's shoulders and the pillows and the sheets, a halo of silken gold around a blushing face. She looked vulnerable and sexy and desperate—was this how Diana felt when she looked down on her?-and Akko's skin tingled with a surge of fresh fire. Akko let warm skin fall away from her mouth and sat up.

"Is everything okay?" Akko asked. Diana had a strange look on her face. The other girl's fingers tightened against her neck, fingernails scraping against her scalp, and hips rocked against her thigh in a steady rhythm.

Diana nodded weakly. She moaned, tilted her head back.  
Akko bit her lip and looked down at her thigh, slick with Diana's desire, and pulled it away. Exploration could wait for another time—Diana couldn't.

She rocked back on her knees, placing one hand on Diana's sharp hipbone. Diana had looked up again, surprised at the sudden rush of cold air that had replaced Akko's thigh, and watched through shallow, desperate gasps as Akko pressed into her. She was hot. Wet. Slick. A heavy breath burst from her nostrils as she slid inside, warmth engulfing her fingers, and curled at the knuckles in the same way Diana had, feeling the hard ridges that met the pads of her skin.

Diana's eyes rolled back, her jaw slackening as a long, lewd moan filled the air between them. "Oh, my God," she whimpered.

Her long torso rolled with each thrust of her hips, pale skin glistening beneath a sheen of sweat. Akko didn't know whether to use her wrist or her shoulder, so she just went with what made sense and what felt natural and rocked with her whole arm and torso. Her hips moved on impulse, sliding against the thigh she was straddling, and she let herself moan at the sensation.

But she was careful, because the last thing she needed was to get off when she was trying to get  _Diana_ off.

"That feels good," Diana whispered. Her eyes met Akko's, wide and glazed, and tongue and teeth passed over dry lips. "Don't stop. Ow!" She bucked away, a wheezing laugh bursting into the air. "Not so hard."

"Sorry," Akko murmured, blushing. She pressed her palm forward and curled her fingers in a rhythm that was hard to stick with because she kept getting distracted. Diana's heaving breasts, the way she slid against her fingers, the one hand that had fallen to grip the sheets much in the way she had. And what was she supposed to do with her other hand? She left it on Diana's hip, knowing that if she moved it she'd probably lose focus on her current task.

Blue eyes were staring into her own and, if Akko hadn't been paying attention, she might have missed the sudden devious spark that passed over them. But she didn't. She just didn't know what it meant-

Until Diana's hand fell from her neck to her thighs, danced up against the damp, sensitive flesh, and cupped her. She felt a finger sliding through and against her and her hips buckled at the sudden pleasure.

"Diana," Akko wheezed. "What are you doing?"

"Touching you," Diana said flatly, her expression neutral as she slid a finger inside, the ligaments of her wrist pushing against thin skin and veins as she curled it.

Akko gasped and shuddered. This was supposed to be Diana's turn...  _not_  hers! But the moans and the whimpers that were coming from Diana were suddenly loud and desperate and she was panting as she pressed her finger erratically inside Akko. She couldn't focus, just as much as Akko couldn't, and so Akko gathered her resolve and threw herself into making Diana feel as good as she'd made her feel. It was hard because she could feel her own orgasm building again, but she pressed in deep and curled with each hot exhale of breath through her nostrils. It was the only way she could keep a rhythm.

Diana was gasping for air. Strands of hair were clinging to the droplets of sweat that scattered across her forehead, eyes glazed and unfocused and primal with lust, but holding the stare all the same. Her bicep flexed every time she moved inside Akko.

"Akko," she breathed again, then a more desperate, "Akko. I'm—I'm-"

Her hips slammed forward and the muscles of her jaw rolled and tightened, a few short whimpers dying against her teeth. Her finger froze in Akko, twitching against hot flesh, and Akko arched into the palm that pressed into her. She could feel the quivering around her hand, the rush of heat and the sudden desperation that had taken hold of Diana's body.

Akko couldn't hold on anymore. She came, hard and loud into the hand against her. Her whole body buckled and she had to slam her free hand down against the sheets just to stay up. She panted hard, squeezing her eyes shut as the corners of her vision blurred into darkness. She struggled to stay upright as tremors waved out from her core to tingle through her whole body.

Diana's hand fell away. Fingers snaked around the wrist between the blonde's legs and tugged Akko away, then slid under her shoulders and pulled her down and into a warm, damp body. The chest beneath her was rising and falling in hard waves, shuddering with each shallow breath. The muscles of Diana's legs were stiff and straight. The air around them was hot and smelled like sex and arousal.

When Akko had finally gathered herself, finally fed her lungs enough to let her speak, she nuzzled into Diana's neck and breathed out hard. "Did you, um..."

"Yes." Diana said quickly. She laughed. "You couldn't tell?"

"I guess, kinda," Akko replied. She couldn't get her voice above a grating whisper. "I wasn't sure."

"Oblivious," Diana murmured. Her legs kicked up and she pushed herself up against the headboard, still panting, and leveled a gaze to Akko. The corners of her lips were tugged into a smug smirk.

Akko frowned back. "That wasn't fair," she said, pouting. "You made me... twice and you only..." she hesitated, bit her lip, rolled it against her tongue. "I owe you now. Two, really, if we're counting that one time-"

"No one owes anybody." Diana was still laughing. "Don't be ridiculous. I apologize. I couldn't resist. You're just..." She puffed out air, twitched her fingers against Akko's back. "I couldn't not."

Akko's wrist ached a little bit. She pulled it up and analyzed it, staring at the red skin and flexing her still sticky hand back and forth. She didn't think something like that would make her so sore—after all, she held reins and did, uh, other things—and so it came as a little bit of a surprise.

"Are you alright?" Diana asked. She was looking at Akko curiously. Her own hand was lifted delicately off the sheets as she tried, once again, to not touch anything. Not that it mattered. Akko had already kind of wiped her own fingers everywhere without even thinking. She did not mention this to Diana.

"I'm going to start charging you a quid for every time you ask me that," Akko said. She turned and curled into Diana's body, sliding a hand over her chest and pulling her in.

"Okay." Diana chuckled. "But... are you?"

" _Yes,_ " Akko hissed. She squeezed her fingers against Diana's ribcage and eased up on her elbow, glaring down at her girlfriend's mischievous grin. "I'm fine! That was great. Would you like a ribbon? A trophy?"

"Blue ribbon."

"Blue ribbon it is," Akko said. "Diana Cavendish: First Place at Sex. How's that?"

"Trophy, too."

"Grand Champion at Sex."

Diana's topaz eyes shimmered with amusement and she turned her head to kiss Akko's bicep—it was the closest she could get to kissing anything—and grinned. "Good."

"Wait." Akko narrowed her eyes, reaching up to gently touch Diana's face only to have it smacked away to a, "Can you please not touch my face with the fingers that were inside me?" before pulling it away with a sheepish smile and a quick apology. "If you have the blue ribbon  _and_  the trophy, what about me?"

"Blue ribbon and gold trophy. Grand Champion. Green division." Diana pushed up with a grunt, her arms shaking a little—that made Akko feel really accomplished—as she held her own body. "I'm going to clean up."

"Why?" Akko asked. She fell back down against the pillow, squirming into the damp and very messy sheets. The comforter was hanging halfway off the bed. "Let's just get messy some more."

"Teenage boy," Diana muttered. The smirk told Akko she was joking. "Rest your wrist and... the rest of you. I would like for you to be able to ride your pony tomorrow. You have games to win. We can always do this... again." Her face flushed and she looked quickly away as she kicked her legs off the side of the bed and stood. "I would certainly like to do that again. Often."

She strode away, the gentle click of the washroom door leaving Akko in her own silence. She rolled onto her back with a huff, digging her feet into the warm sheets of the bed, and stared up at the glow of the lamp on the ceiling, at the shadows that arced against the wall. She rolled her teeth against her bottom lip as she thought.

Akko liked to think of herself as fearless. She liked to think she was scared of nothing, like she could accomplish anything so long as she grit her teeth and powered through it. After all, she leapt onto a pony at full speed with little more than five feet of distance to accomplish the task. She dangled off at a gallop, throwing her faith into her own abilities and counting on nobody other than herself to carry her home. She did all kinds of things that were scary to other people.

The washroom door creaked open and Diana emerged. She stepped over to the bed, still naked, and bent down to smile into a brief kiss. "Go clean up," she said, "and we can cuddle and see if Ghost Adventures is on."

"Marathon tonight," Akko mumbled as she glanced at the clock. She stood and stretched. "Turn it on."

Fear did not always have a foundation. Akko knew that, and she mulled it over as she stumbled into the washroom and turned on the sink to run her hands beneath the warm water. She stared into the mirror. At her hair, messy and tangled. At her flushed face. At her own body. She could hear Diana cursing at the remote.

She shouldn't have been scared of tonight. But she had been. And that was okay, because it made Akko learn one very important thing.

She didn't always have to rely only on herself to hold that fear at bay, because, for once, she hadn't had to do any of that. As the shadows crept in, dark and foreboding, it was Diana who had stepped up and pushed them away. It was Diana who reassured her, Diana who took over and let her know that everything was going to be okay. And everything  _was_  okay. Better than okay. Everything was so gloriously, wonderfully, incredibly  _great_.

"Akko, hurry up!" she heard Diana yell. "I can't find this stupid channel and this remote is horrible!"

There was nothing to fear with Diana. There were no shadows. Only light.

Light and a whole lot of technological ignorance.

* * *

Waking up in Diana's arms, with their naked bodies pressed up together under the sheets, had been both wonderful and horrible.

Wonderful because her girlfriend's bare skin was on hers, because their legs were tangled together and blonde blended with brunette against a single pillow (because Akko had taken over Diana's), and because it was so warm and nice and perfect and she wanted to stay there forever.

Horrible because it was half five in the morning and the sun wasn't out yet and Akko didn't even want to think about breakfast much less leaving those perfect arms and having to go out in the cold and get her pony ready to ride.

But she had to. Chariot was waiting on her for a warm meal. Her team was waiting on her to lead them to victory.

Diana stalked after her, tired and quiet as they shivered into their coats, clutching a hot cup of coffee (for Akko) and a hot cup of tea (for herself) that they'd gotten at their lodging. It tasted horrible, but it was warm and caffeinated and, on a freezing Sunday morning while her numb hands fumbled with the package containing Chariot's food, she really couldn't ask for anything else.

They rode at eleven. It was a good few hours away, but Chariot needed to eat at her usual time and Nelson likely wanted to go over the line-ups one more time ("Just to make sure!" AKA second guess what Akko and Amanda put down) prior to the start. Akko had tried to tell Diana that she could stay in bed, but-

"What's the point," Diana had murmured, yawning as she rolled out from under the sheets and stepped around the damp bathing suits that they'd left crumpled on the floor. "No warm body to cuddle anymore."

She'd looked gorgeous. Messy, sleepy, mumbly Diana that had to be coaxed out of Akko's arms with a promise of, "We can cuddle again tonight."

"Among other things," Diana had said with a husky chuckle as she started plucking up the discarded clothing.

But now they were cold, tired, and very uncomfortable in barn that was loud with the frenzy of early morning feeding.

Chariot dug into her food with veracity, her teeth clamping around the grain as though she had been starved her entire life and Akko had just now become kind enough to give her a bite to eat. She slobbered, brown and gooey, as she grinded at the food, staring curiously at Diana and Akko as they moved around her. Diana had started mucking the stall ("You don't have to do that!" Akko had said, but Diana had replied with, "Doing something is nice," and done it anyway) and Akko was scratching at the pony's withers and brushing the cedar bedding away from her thick red coat. The barn was loud and busy, even though it was early, as riders and trainers ran through the aisles in a hurry to feed, groom, and ready ponies and horses for the upcoming event. Wheelbarrows rolled against stone, stall doors creaked and slammed shut, and ponies nickered and whinnied for their breakfast.

Akko was carrying on in a conversation with Chariot—in Japanese, as she usually did, and mostly about the upcoming day and how cute she was—when she felt arms close around her from behind. She hadn't even realized that Diana had finished cleaning the stall, though she shouldn't have been surprised, because there really wasn't that much to clean. She leaned back into the thick coat and the firm arms, turning her head to sigh into the blonde's soft neck and tickling blonde curls.

"You're going to do incredible today," Diana whispered into her ear. Akko could feel her smiling into her cheek.

She turned in the strong arms, pressing a kiss to cold lips, and grinned. "Maybe. What do I get if I do?"

"Whatever you want."

"Can we have sex?" she blurted.

She said that very loud. Okay , a lot loud. But it was morning and volume control was  _not_  her current priority.

"Akko." Diana stepped back, laughing but blushing furiously as she pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. "Please learn to be a little more discreet."

"Yeah, please do," Amanda said as she walked by, tossing a mischievous grin through the iron bars of the stall. "Because everyone in this aisle just had to hear about how you two are fucking tonight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F


	29. The Little Red Colt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's safe to read this next to your mother.

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

Diana couldn't sleep.

Akko had drifted off long ago in the middle of one of her Ghost Adventures episodes, which Diana had since turned off. She'd curled up against Diana's side, her head rested comfortably between the pillow and her neck in a perfect fit. Warm washes of air drifted over her skin with each peaceful breath, fingers twitching and tickling against Diana's ribcage in her sleep. She'd had to grab the girl's hand, threading her fingers through Akko's, to keep it still because it had been driving her crazy.

Akko was soft and warm—almost too warm without clothes, but that was okay—and Diana relaxed into the smaller body that was wrapped around her. Her lips brushed against Akko's forehead as she stared off at the shadows that the pale glow of moonlight outside had stretched across the white walls of their room. She  _needed_  to sleep. They had to get up in just a handful of hours to get ready for the competition, but it just wouldn't come. She was wide awake. A few times she was tempted to wake Akko just to have somebody to talk to, just to have somebody to keep her company, but that wouldn't be fair. Akko had to ride. She needed rest. Diana didn't.

Her fingers trailed lazy patterns over the soft skin of Akko's back, against the dip of her spine and the relaxed muscles underneath, and she thought about her mother.

She thought about her mother all the time. She'd passed 11 years ago when she finally lost her long battle with leukemia—Diana was only eight—and not a day went by that Diana didn't wish she was still around. Her mother had been her best friend, her role model, the pillar of the Cavendish family after her father had died even years before that. She had run the Estate until her final breath and, in some ways, it could be argued she was  _still_  running it.

It was her mother who taught her how to ride. It was her mother who told her to treat every living being with kindness, regardless of its future use within the cruel and unfair circle of life. It was her mother that had her back every step of the way for eight years. She had been Diana's rock, Diana's strength.

"You know I'll always be with you, right?" she'd told Diana multiple times throughout the later stages of her illness when she was bedridden in hospice care. "I'll always be here."

That may have been true for the first year or two. Diana felt her mother everywhere she went. When she curled up in bed at night and cried into her teddy's body, it was her mother's arms. When she mounted her old pony and took part in her lessons even though she didn't want to, it was her mother guiding her over jumps and through fields. Her mother was the wind that nipped into her face on chilly spring mornings, the bright beam of the summer sun as she sweat her way through tossing hay and feeding and caring for the horses in every way she had been taught.

And then, one day, she was gone.

The realization happened, quite fittingly, during weaning season. The thoroughbreds were to be removed from their mothers—it was an inevitable obstacle in the path to adulthood for every horse—and Diana was helping her Aunt and the grooms separate the young fillies and colts from their mothers. She was leading a young chestnut colt away from his mother, his spindly legs twisting and spinning for purchase against the stone as he yanked on the halter in an attempt to turn back. His mother was pacing the fence of her small enclosure, bellowing cries of despair echoing into the morning stillness as she called for her son. The two were desperate, fighting the natural ebb and flow of life, straining to remain together despite the tug of the rope and the tall fence that kept them apart. Diana pulled him down the lane, slowly and carefully, her heart aching for the growing desperation of nickers and whinnies, and brought him to the barn at the opposite end of their property that held the other newly weaning foals.

The stable was filled with sadness. It ricocheted off the walls, hung in the chill of the air, each cry lingering longer than the last. Across the Cavendish Estate, the mares cried, too.

She had placed the colt into an empty box with hay and layers of soft bedding and stood just within the door as he began to circle. Circle after circle, endless and monotonous, his tiny hooves carving a path in the deep cedar and his tail flagging with anxiety as he searched. Every time he would get to the open window he would lift his neck and stick his tiny nose out, his lips stretching and quivering with a desperate call, before circling again.

It was hard to watch.

Diana watched.

It was then that she realized she felt nothing.

Not nothing in the sense of nothing at all. No, she felt the bitter air biting through her coat and jodhpurs, she felt the shaking of her eardrums with every shrill cry of the colt. She felt sadness for the life in front of her that was going through a complete upheaval. She felt tired from the early morning, a morning far too early and far too emotionally demanding for a ten year old, but such was the life of a Cavendish and it no longer bothered her even on the worst of days.

She felt all kinds of things. Except the most important thing. The presence that she had grown accustomed to, the lingering knowledge that she wasn't alone even when she physically was.

She didn't feel her mother.

Suddenly, it was like she was watching the colt through different eyes. He was cute, small for his age, with no markings at all—rather uncommon for a red chestnut like him—and his brown eyes were darting wildly around as he searched for the mother that he would never again see. Even if she wasn't far off.

Diana had stepped forward, had halted the weanling with an arm around a soft neck, and hugged him. He froze, quivering beneath the sudden affection, and settled into the small bit of comfort that was being offered at a moment when his world was going through the most change it likely ever would.

Maybe he could sense that she didn't have her mother anymore, either. She doubted it. He was just a foal. But she stayed there anyway, finding solace in the connection of a life so similar to her own, until he finally moved off and resumed his pacing and his whinnies.

That had once been her. Circling endlessly through memories about the person she loved the most, calling for a mother that would never come back.

There had been a sense of freedom in letting go, as lonely and as painful as it was. Her mother was not there anymore—she knew that, as hard as that was to come to terms with—but she was still  _there_ , in a sense. The colt would soon find his freedom, too. He would go off to a life on the racetrack and then later into another sport if he was sound enough. He would have a whole herd of other horses that would become his family. His mother would have another foal, as was expected of the Cavendish broodmares, and soon forget about the little red colt that had once walked away and never returned.

She had felt her mother only one time since.

And it was when she was circling endlessly once more, her hand wrapped around the lead rope as she strained that long night in September to keep Beatrix moving. While Akko walked beside her, chattering on about anything and everything to keep the two of them awake, offering every few minutes to take over and let Diana go rest. Her mother had been there—Diana could  _feel_  her—and it was almost like she was trying to tell her something.

Diana hadn't understood at the time. She thought it was her worry for Beatrix, her desperation for the last living piece of her mother to be alright come the light of day.

She had been wrong.

But she understood now, as her grip tightened around Akko's body and she pulled her in closer, snuggling into the warmth at her side and feeling a peace that she hadn't felt even with Chloe.

Akko stirred next to her, her lips smacking together as her body twisted and her head pulled away from Diana's shoulder. Her eyelids flickered open, unfocused and glazed with sleep as she stared back into the side of Diana's face.

"Diana," she'd mumbled, a sleepy slur of her name that made Diana's heart stir.

Diana had leaned in and kissed Akko's forehead, pulling her back down and resuming the monotonous trail of her fingers up and down the other girl's spine. "Go back to sleep, Akko."

Akko hummed, her body shifting and moving into Diana's as she resettled and got comfortable again. Her hand found Diana's arm and stroked at her bicep, a welcome touch that awoke the sleep in Diana's mind and made her eyes flicker shut. The impending sleep was there even after Akko had drifted off again and her thumb had stilled against her skin.

Diana had been following that little red colt his entire life. She'd called him Red before he left and even after he acquired his racing name of Elysees Sunset—named for his sire, Champs Elysees, and the mother he would never see again—and gotten to work on the track at Newmarket. He had won only one race in his short career, his second outing in a five furlong turf, before retiring from the sport a few races later with a hairline fracture in his shoulder. A year after, he was fully recovered and had gone on to become a young girl's first event horse. He still lived with her in Suffolk and every once in a while Diana would google his name to find that he'd competed in a new lower level event. Nothing was guaranteed, as was the natural course of life, but she hoped that he would be with that girl forever.

He had found freedom and companionship and a life worth living even long after his loss. And if that little red colt could do it, the little red colt who once paced and cried frantically for the past as if there was no way at all to move forward, so could Diana.

Diana finally let her eyes shut, finally let herself drift off with Akko curled in her arms and engulfed her in warmth.

Her mother would have liked Akko very, very much.

* * *

Lotte and Sucy had cornered her in the stable the next morning, when her eyes were still thick with sleep and the two cups of hot liquid in her hands were scalding her fingers. She should have passed Akko's coffee off to her, but the brunette had her arms full with all her gear and Diana had lingered back at the car to put her mobile on the charger (she had forgotten to do it the night before) and check her e-mail to see if there was any Cavendish Veterinary business she had to attend to. There wasn't. Aunt Daryl was doing a good job of running everything in her absence.

"Hey, Diana," Sucy had said, wrapping an arm around Diana's shoulders and steering her in the opposite direction—she'd been walking to Chariot's box—as Lotte fell in at her side. "Got a sec?"

"Well, I suppose I do now," Diana murmured. She shifted her fingers against the cups, wishing she had gloves on at least, and let herself by led away from where she had been heading.

The sun was finally rising, streaming through the aisles of the Oxford stable in pale yellow tendrils, and the temperature had dropped considerably in the early hours between morning and day. The birds that lived in the rafters had long since woken up and were playing a chorus of chirps throughout the stable, a background noise that Diana had long since become accustomed to and rarely noticed any longer. Riders rushed through the aisles, yawning with pads of hay in their hands or sloshing water onto the stone as they lugged around 20-gallon buckets for the horses.

"We wanted to talk to you about Akko," Lotte said, peering up through thick glasses. "But first… is everything okay? From last night? Frank told me about Andrew. He's going to tear him a new one, don't worry."

Diana flushed. Did everyone have to know about her personal issues? "I'm fine, thank you."

"Great," Sucy drawled. She was sneering at Diana, her lips curled into a taut smirk. "Now, about Akko and this big lesbian relationship the two of you are having."

"Sucy, can't you have a little tact?" Lotte scolded.

The three stopped just outside the large metal doors of one end of the aisles, right next to a massive pile of manure and used cedar that another rider was dumping a wheelbarrow into.

Diana narrowed her eyes. She set the two cups down on the bench right outside next to the water spicket, glancing between the devious glint in Sucy's red eyes and Lotte's kind smile. "Is… there something I did?" she asked. The way Sucy had brought it up… well, it worried her. Maybe Akko hadn't been completely comfortable with the night before? Maybe she'd said something to her friends? She buried her hands into her pockets and fidgeted with the peppermint wrappers she found inside.

"Yes," Sucy said. That stare was unsettling. Diana frowned.

"Sucy, knock it off," Lotte said, elbowing her taller friend. "We just… um, wanted to make sure you knew that everything is alright. With us. And you. I know that our opinion really doesn't matter, but we think you two are great together and we wanted to make sure you knew that."

Diana nodded, gaze flickering over Lotte's shoulder to a rider who was letting her pony pick at a patch of grass nearby. "Your opinion does matter," she replied, her attention swiveling back to the two girls. "It means a lot. Thank you."

"I know you probably think we don't like you." Lotte hunched into her coat, shivering against the cold. "But we really do, you know. And Akko does too, obviously. She likes you a lot."

"And I really don't care," Sucy pointed out. "But I do care about Akko."

Diana didn't know what to say. She felt like she was getting lectured by parents. She shrank beneath the scrutiny, platinum eyebrows stitching together as she struggled to find words.

"Basically, we just wanted to say that—"

"If you hurt that sweet summer child, we will come for you," Sucy finished.

"No!" Lotte squeaked. "Shut up, Sucy!" She took a deep, exasperated breath and shot the lavender-haired girl a glare. "That we're  _here_  for you," she corrected, her voice sharp. "If you need anything. I know you've got Hannah and Barbara and all, but—"

Sucy's grin grew. "And if you ever need the dorm by yourself, let us know and Lotte will leave."

"How come just me?" Lotte snapped.

"Because I have custom made earplugs," Sucy said, snickering. "Which is perfect for someone who yells as much as Akko. I can't  _imagine_ how loud she is in—"

"Okay!" Diana blurted, waving her hands in front of her face and taking a step backwards, a furious blush sparking into her cheeks. "Got it! Thank you!" She pointed to the two cups that were sitting on the bench. "Hot coffee. Getting cold. Thanks for the… talk."

"Okay, bye, Diana!" Lotte chirped.

She bolted off, but not before hearing Sucy saying to Lotte:

"There is no way she  _isn't_ a screamer, have you met her?"

* * *

Luna Nova had lost the pole bending race. Not that they'd made a mistake—they'd ridden perfectly—they just hadn't been as fast as St. Andrews. The other team had blitzed by them at the last minute, claiming first place by half a stride. Luna Nova had to settle for second.

They were still ahead in the points, but Appleton and St. Andrews weren't too far behind. They just had to ride like they had the day before and everything would be just fine. Diana had faith. She sat beside Hannah and Barbara, the former noticeably cheering much louder for Amanda than the previous day, and nursed her bottle of water. The stadium was hot and humid and she'd long since shed her coat and scarf and rolled up the sleeves of her jumper.

Akko looked vibrant and full of energy as she bounced around on Chariot, the bright yellow KAGARI on her back flashing every time she turned. She was digging into her knee-high navy socks to pull out the crumpled sheet of her line-up and gathering with the other Luna Nova riders to remind everybody of their positions. The stewards pulled the poles away and set up the equipment for the next race.

Amanda ripped the white headband off and tossed it to Akko, who slid it over her jockey helmet and turned to flash Diana a beaming smile. Diana grinned back and waved, earning an elbow to the side from Barbara and a, "Your girl's about to kick some Appleton arse."

Hannah and Barbara were having a blast watching the Games, which Diana was both happy and surprised about. They'd spent so long questioning the sport, acting like it was far beneath them as Hunters, that the cheering and the excitement was something that was almost altogether unexpected. But they were  _very_  much into it—Hannah had even turned to Barbara at one point and said, "Wouldn't it be fun to do this kind of thing, too?"—and Barbara had agreed with a vigorous nod.

They screamed and clapped with each successful vault of the team, with each hand-off as the riders clashed their palms together like soldiers at war. They groaned every time another team beat them to the punch and loudly commented about how irritating Andrew was—Barbara was very much off that bandwagon as of the prior evening—as he pranced around on his black Arabian with his cocky smile.

The next race was the sock race. Akko had told Diana numerous times that it was her favorite, so she couldn't wait to see Akko actually play it. There were 20-gallon buckets lined evenly in each lane and a pile of wrapped up socks at the end of the arena—each rider had to dunk a sock, grab a new one off the ground, and hand it off to the next rider to repeat the same process. Except for Akko. She would dunk, grab, and dunk a second time to finish the race.

It required vaulting, speed, and precision. All of which Akko was good at.

Not that she was really  _bad_  at anything in the Games. She was just better at some than others (she was terrible at anything that required hitting a small target among other targets), much like everybody else out there.

Constanze was up first. She and Stan pranced up to the starting box, the loud dapples of the shorter pony shimmering beneath the industrial lights of the stadium as he turned his hindquarters and pawed at the air. Akko had mentioned that Constanze usually started or anchored for any races that involved picking items up off the ground. The girl's pony was so short that all she had to do was bend down and snatch it off the ground. It would give them a comfortable lead for the rest of the race and, finishing with Akko as a proficient vaulter, would clinch a victory in most cases.

Constanze didn't disappoint. As the flag fell and the ponies spurred into action, the small German girl dipped dangerously to the side off her pony and rounded the socks in the sand, snatching one easily and flying home to save crucial seconds for the rest of the team. Diana could see Andrew staring over at them, his Arabian struggling to bolt out from under his firm grasp of the reins, the white headband slightly off-kilter on his helmet.

Lotte was next. Spirit may have been a chunk of a Haflinger but he was fast and turned on a dime. Lotte made no mistake, not even on the vault (which was hit or miss for her) and she charged home to hold the new sock out to a waiting Sucy. Their hands smashed together and Sucy and Mushroom took off.

Appleton was drawing even now, with St. Andrews not too far behind. Sucy was one of the slower riders—she always took her time even when they were pressured—but she was accurate to a point of perfection and, even with the lack of speed, she often came out on top when other teams made mistakes. But most other teams  _weren't_  making mistakes, and by the time the roan pony crossed the line and the sock met Akko's waiting hand, Appleton was a hoof in front.

But not for long.

Chariot exploded forward, launching into the air as Akko's heels wailed against her sides. Andrew had left the start first but Chariot and Akko bounded by him in a matter of strides. She stood in the irons, leaning far off to the side of her pony and dropping both stirrups in the process as she dipped her entire wrist into the bucket and dropped the sock. In a flash she was upright again, kicking, one hand gripping the mane as the other flapped at her side to try to get the small chestnut to go faster.

She leapt off Chariot's side at a sprint, clutching the cotton reins in one hand as she lunged down and grabbed the last sock. Chariot had already turned and Akko was bouncing next to her, her muscular legs flexing as she planted both heels and rocked back. Her body arced through the air and landed perfectly in the middle of the saddle while, next to her, Andrew missed his own vault and the rider behind them blew the turn.

Diana watched as the girl's head turned to look behind her, taking note of the comfortable lead she'd acquired with the mistakes of others, and carefully placed the sock into the bucket while never slowing the gallop. She flew over the finish line, grinning as her legs slid and flopped around uselessly underneath her, and pumped an arm victoriously in the air as the rest of the team cheered and congratulated her.

"Yeah, Akko!" Barbara yelled, whistling loudly.

Hannah had risen next to her and was jumping in the air and yelling, "Go Luna Nova!"

Akko had pulled Chariot up next to the team. She was chatting and laughing animatedly with Amanda, the reins dropped and her mare's barrel heaving beneath her, nostrils flaring as she gathered her breath. Appleton had just finished but the other teams were still racing.

"Hey, hey! HEY!"

A loud yell from somebody on the Belfast team turned Diana's attention from Akko to the opposite end of the arena. Their last rider had missed the vault and their pony had spooked at the miscalculation, launching out of the rider's grasp and bolting away. The reins flew from over the pony's neck and the stirrups slapped against its sides, bringing it to a frenzy as it surged across the lanes in an attempt to get away from the offending items.

"Loose pony!" the steward called.

The pony nearly crashed into a bucket and snorted, loud and rumbling, as it dodged to the side and took off again. Straight at the crowd of ponies that were gathered at one end of the arena.

Akko hadn't been paying attention. She'd been chatting with the rest of her team, basking in her victory and oblivious to the loose pony that was racing across the arena. And, to be fair, it wasn't as though the races had stopped—the other teams were still thundering down the lanes, their own ponies only slightly affected by the wild one. The rider was dusting herself off and yelling for somebody to grab the pony.

Akko finally looked up when Jasminka yelled and pointed, but by that point it was too late to move Chariot. Her arm shot toward the oncoming pony in a quick-thinking attempt to make it turn, make it stop. It didn't.

Diana stood.

The pony crashed into Chariot's side with a loud thud, metal clinking together as stirrups slammed with stirrups. A mass of tangled limbs went flying through the air as the chestnut mare was thrown off balance along with the other pony, who went to his knees before stumbling back to his feet and trotting off with a loud snort.

Chariot only stayed upright because she flew into Star and Amanda, her neck stretching up as her eyes widened in surprise. Akko lurched in the saddle, her legs still dangling out of the stirrups, and flew off backwards as Chariot launched forward in an attempt to get away from the chaos that had erupted in a matter of moments. Lotte, behind them, leapt off Spirit and seized the loose pony by the reins just as Amanda and Star moved forward to grab Akko's pony.

Akko landed in a cloud of dust but was hardly down for a moment before she climbed back to her feet, covered in loose dirt and stumbling off to the side. She wasn't saying anything, wasn't yelling for help or crying out for attention, but as soon as she hit the fence she leaned up against it, curling in over the arm, the same one that she'd stretched out at the other pony, clutched to her chest. Jasminka had ditched Cookie for Constanze to hold and was running up to her.

A whistle blew, loud and long, and every rider leapt off their own horse and hit the ground. A long silence took the place of what was previously yelling and the thundering of hooves, followed by a burst of chatter and Nelson yelling, "Kagari, are you alright?"

She wasn't alright. Something was wrong. Akko was hurt.

In an instant, Diana was bolting down from the stands and flying down the steps three at a time to get to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey you guys rule
> 
> someone requested the diakko discord link so if you want to join:
> 
> https://discord.gg/peqwfyP


	30. It's All In The Wrist

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

Akko was no stranger to pain.

She would consider herself rather accident prone, honestly. She'd had three concussions in her lifetime: once when she'd fallen off the kitchen counter trying to reach the strawberry wafers Okaasan kept at the top of the cabinet, once when she fell off her lesson pony and smashed into a jump standard, and once when she had Zorro'd onto the back of a two-year old on a dare from the top of a fence and had instantly gotten bucked off and landed on the top of her head. She'd had to get stitches four times: the same time she fell off the kitchen counter (because she'd busted her scalp open), once when she was trying to help Okaasan cut vegetables and sliced through the back of her hand instead, once when she had gotten thrown off a horse into a fence that had a nail sticking out of it (she still had a massive scar on her upper arm) and once when a horse that had studs in its shoes had kicked her in the thigh.

She'd had sprained ankles and wrists, even fingers, had pulled muscles and strained ligaments, had a laparoscopic surgery to get her appendix out when it burst when she was 16 and then had her gallbladder removed after  _that_. She was constantly covered in scrapes and cuts and there wasn't a day in her life that she didn't have a new bruise with no idea of how she'd acquired it.

But she had never,  _never_  broken a bone.

She knew her mistake of sticking her arm out to try to stop the pony as soon as she did it. The wild brown eyes told her that he wasn't going to stop for anything, that he was going through her and Chariot whether she liked it or not. The pop that echoed around her and rattled the inside of her skull was confusing until she felt a sudden sharp, searing pain pulse through her wrist.

At first she thought she must have hit it on something—maybe the cantle of the saddle or a rogue stirrup or something else—because the pain was over as fast as it was there. But when she found herself on the ground and she went to stand and she lowered her palm to push herself up and excruciating pain shot through her entire arm, she knew that it wasn't that simple.

Especially when she noticed she couldn't even flex her fingers without a sharp stab from her thumb to her elbow.

Akko stumbled to her feet and walked with a daze to the fence. She suddenly felt sick and confused and a wave of nausea made her clench her teeth. Her wrist was already swelling, ballooning out against her skin, and a dark bruise was taking shape. She stared at it as she learned against the fence, hunched over to protect it—because every movement hurt like hell—and felt the dull ache as it coursed through.

"Kagari! Are you alright?" she heard Nelson yelling.

"Uh, I don't think so," she murmured, her voice wavering even when she tried to keep it steady. The whole of the arena was like an eerie buzz in the background and she looked up, remembering the crash anew and finding her pony in Amanda's hands. She pushed herself off the fence and rushed over, ignoring a reach from Jasminka and clutching her arm tight to her chest for fear of moving it. She used her good arm to skim over Chariot's body to make sure she was okay. She was, just shaken.

"She's fine, Akko," Amanda said. She was staring at the way Akko was holding her limp arm."But you're not."

Firm hands closed around her shoulders and she turned to find Nelson standing behind her. The steward and Game organizer had rushed over, too, and she found another hand grasping her good arm.

"That's broken," the steward asserted. "She needs to get to the hospital."

"God dammit, Kagari," Nelson growled, as though it was  _her_  fault a horse had smashed into her.

"No it's not!" Akko held her arm out and tried to touch her horse, only to hiss in pain and reel it back in. It  _couldn't_ be broken—she had  _never_  broken anything—and it's not like it even hurt  _that_  bad.

"Oh,  _hell_ ," a soft voice said from behind her.

Okay, Diana sounded worried. Akko turned to stare at the blonde as she strode over, bright blue eyes flickering with worry as she stared at the rapidly swelling wrist. The other girl glanced at Miss Nelson and the two had a silent conversation that made Akko narrow her eyes as she stared between them.

"I'll take her to hospital," Diana said quickly. "I know the area."

Miss Nelson nodded.

"Huh?" Hospital? Okay, that was  _not_  necessary. "Can I just get some ice for a minute or two?"

Diana's voice was soft, careful. "That looks broken, Akko."

The Game organizer glanced at the steward, at the rest of the teams that were standing awkwardly beside still hyped up ponies. "We have to get this moving again. Luna Nova, are you fine with five?"

Miss Nelson shrugged. "We don't have an option."

"Okay, I just need some ice then," Akko was saying to Diana, ignoring the conversation around her. She wasn't about to leave her team. They had Games to play, and she was on a majority of the line-up because the second day was pretty vault heavy. "We still have eight games."

"Amanda, give me Chariot," Miss Nelson said. The redhead passed off the reins and the coach took the pony in one hand and started leading her. "Miss Cavendish, I'll meet you there as soon as this wraps up."

Diana's arm was around her waist and she was pulling Akko away. "Wait!" Akko squeaked. "Chariot?"

"Miss Nelson will take care of her," Diana said gently. "We need to get you to hospital. Come on."

"Line-up!" Akko grunted, reaching down to her sock—wrong arm, fucking ow—to snatch the paper out of her sock and pass it off to Amanda before relenting and letting Diana lead her away. Sharp pain flashed through her wrist again when she moved it. She turned to stare over her shoulder at her team, wondering just how everything got so  _chaotic_ in a matter of minutes. Everyone just needed to calm down. She was fine, she just needed a  _minute_.

The outside air hit her in a wall of cold and she shivered against Diana's arm, pressing her wrist in close to her chest and listening to the crunching of gravel beneath her paddock boots. Diana wasn't saying anything. Her gaze was locked ahead in a focused stare as she trudged toward the lot that held all the vans and cars.

"I'm really fine," Akko insisted, turning to Diana with a hopeful smile. "It's probably just sprained, it's really not that bad—"

One MRI later, it very, very much broken.

Akko stared at the x-ray the doctor was showing her, zoning out on the skeletal picture of her wrist and hand. She couldn't see anything, though the doctor made sure to outline the exact point of the break. It looked like little more than a jagged dark line. Diana, meanwhile, was analyzing the MRI as though she knew exactly what she was looking at. She probably did.

"You fractured your scaphoid. Luckily, it's only minimally displaced and it's in the distal third. It could have been far worse-"

Like she knew what any of  _that_ meant.

"Worse?" Akko blurted. She held her arm up, cringing at the ache, and stared at the massive swelling that started at the bottom of her thumb and ran over the majority of her wrist. It was twice the size of what it should be. Not to mention the  _bruising_. "I don't see how it could be much worse than this, you're saying I can't ride!"

"Akko." Diana placed a gentle hand on Akko's good wrist. "Please let her finish."

"-it's only in the distal third," the doctor proceeded again slowly, eyeing Akko with anticipation of another outburst. "Which means you're looking at about six weeks in a short cast and you'll likely need to wear a wrist guard to stabilize the bone for a few months after that."

Akko huffed loudly through her nose, glancing at Diana with wide eyes. Months? How was she going to ride? She raised her arm and looked at it again, curling her lip in distate for the offending limb. She could ride one-handed, sure, that wouldn't be too bad, especially since it was her off hand, but she wouldn't be able to vault and it would be really hard to steer Chariot-

"Thank you," Diana said before Akko had a chance to add anything else. The doctor nodded and left, taking with her the scan of Akko's wrist.

Akko curled in on herself where she sat on the patient cot, leaning over her arm and groaning. The pain was worse now, far more so than when the whole thing had actually happened, and they'd only been there for an hour. A stinging pain throbbed from her thumb to the top of her arm. "I've gotta get back to the team," she muttered, bringing her eyes up to meet Diana's. "I can ride with this, it's fine-"

"Akko."

Diana sat down next to her, lifting a hand to gently push Akko's bangs away from her eyes. Akko tensed her jaw in response, looking away and staring off at nothing as she tried to take everything in. She'd never been away from riding except for the times she'd had surgery, and even then it wasn't  _that_  long. Her breath was shallow as white noise echoed against the inside of her skull.

"Akko, it's going to be alright."

"Alright?"

Akko wanted to laugh. And so she did, but it came out sounding very much like a choke. She swallowed hard and brought her gaze to meet blue, the sounds of beeping and the rushing of nurse's feet outside her room a cruel soundtrack to her current situation. "How is this alright?" she asked. "I won't be able to ride for internationals. That's in a  _month_."

"You don't know that, Akko, it might-"

"She said six weeks! And what about jumping?" Akko hopped to her feet, feeling a fresh wave of pain, and turned to face Diana. " _You're_ not the one sitting here with a broken wrist and being told you can't ride."

Diana pursed her lips. "Well, no."

"And what about the team? I'm letting them down!"

"Akko." Diana crossed her legs at the ankles, planting the heels her hands against the already crinkled paper of the cot and leaning forward. "None of this is your fault."

"I could have paid attention," Akko snapped. She lifted her arm up above her heart so the pain wouldn't pulse so much and winced with the movement. She could hear somebody talking outside her room, something about fiberglass and getting a cast ready and care instructions. It was all too much. She looked down at her feet, rolling her jaw in thought, her heart hammering at the very thought of not being able to ride in the international competition.

And what of her scholarship? If she couldn't ride, especially during the most important competition of the year, Luna Nova would almost certainly send her right back to Japan.  _Or_ make her parents recoup the cost, which they definitely couldn't afford.

Diana's phone vibrated in her hand and she switched it on to look at it. Akko peered at the bright screen, catching sight of Amanda's name lighting up on a text message. Diana didn't reply. She just turned the phone off and looked away, purposely avoiding Akko's inquisitive gaze.

"What was that?" Akko asked, very carefully, because Diana did not look happy at all and Akko had a feeling she already knew the answer.

Diana shook her head, blonde hair waving against the sides of her face. "Akko, let's just get you fixed up so we can get you back to the room and get you fed-"

"What did it say?"

"Akko-"

" _What_ did it say?"

Diana sighed, a frown etching across her lips as she met Akko's intense stare. "The team came in third."

* * *

"Akko, it is  _not_  your fault," Amanda was saying from across the room.

Akko was sitting mournfully on her bed, hovering over the brand new cast that Constanze was busy doodling on ("Please let us sign it!" Lotte had asked) and pouting at her dirty fingernails—she  _still_  hadn't had a chance to shower or anything and she had no clue how she was going to do it with the stupid cast—while taking in the news of the day. The sling the doctor had given her was thrown on the ground by her feet and she kicked at it every time she swayed her legs.

"If it's anyone's fault it's mine. First, I should have seen that pony coming. Second, I shouldn't have screwed up every single race that I subbed in for," Amanda grumbled. She was staring at Akko's cast, her arms folded across her chest as she leaned up against the wall. The whole team, to include Hannah and Barbara, had joined them in Akko and Diana's room. Diana was sitting quietly off to the side on the desk chair—it had been a rather tense ride back from hospital—and reading something on her phone with a very focused stare.

Nelson had met them there right as they were about to leave, just as Akko's cast was warming the skin of her arm and setting into place. It wrapped around her thumb and went up nearly to her elbow... and  _hurt_. The ibuprofen they'd given her had barely taken the edge off the pain, and now that her body actually knew what was going on, it was relentless. Her entire arm throbbed with the pain of the break, swelling hard into inside of the cast ("It's going to be a little tight until the swelling goes down," the doctor had told her, "but don't worry, it won't feel like this for long").

Her coach had words for her that put her  _somewhat_ at ease when Akko had asked the first question on her mind, though certainly not entirely:

"Since the injury occurred during a competition and the recovery of your injury is not a significant amount of time, Luna Nova will simply have to wait until you're well enough to ride. However, to maintain scholarship eligible during that time, you have to achieve a grade point average of at least 3.2. The physician tells me you should be back in around two months' time."

But Akko wanted to be back  _quickly_. And a GPA of 3.2? Hers was barely a 2.5! Though, what was another .7? She would just have to do really well on her exams.

Meanwhile, her team was still trying to reassure her.

"I didn't do so well, either, Akko," Lotte said, placing a hand on Akko's knee and offering a reassuring smile. "We all got kind of flustered after everything happened and the whole team fell apart."

"Yeah, and that's  _my_  fault," Akko growled.

The team was  _not_  going to make her feel better. They'd fallen from first to third place in her absence. Which, sure, it didn't matter because they'd already qualified for internationals, but it had just made Appleton look way better and gave them even more points for year end.

"Look, Akko, it sucks and all, but shit happens and if you're just going to sit here and feel sorry for yourself..." Amanda muttered.

Akko frowned, pulling her arm away when Constanze finished signing her ridiculously long name with a box robot that said  _Feel better, Akko!_ and wincing at the stab of pain. "I'm not feeling sorry for myself," she grumbled.

"Maybe... it would be best if we let Akko rest," Diana suggested. She'd been silent for a long time. She lowered the phone in her hand and glanced around the room, at her own teammates and the rest of the Games team. "It's been a long day."

Akko watched as they all left, Lotte patting her on the shoulder and saying a quiet, "It'll all be okay, Akko," before disappearing out the door with the rest of them. Soon it was just her and Diana and a long quiet where the blonde eyed her from where she sat. Akko could tell she didn't know what to do and she didn't blame her. She was grouchy and just wanted to rip the stupid painful cast off her arm and wave a wand and have everything be healed and alright. She was mad at herself for sticking her arm out at a charging pony, she was mad at herself for not noticing in the first place, she was mad at herself for getting hurt and letting her team down and-

"Akko, why don't you take a shower? It might make you feel better."

"How?" She held out her cast, crinkling her nose and pouting at the offending object. "How am I supposed to do that with this stupid thing? And it  _hurts_."

Diana sighed. She tossed her phone down on the desk and rose, moving over to Akko to kneel in front of her. "Look, I've broken my arm before. I know it's awful. But your break is really minimal and it won't take long at all to heal. You'll be better before you know it."

Diana had broken her arm? Akko blinked up, eyebrows knitting together. "You did?"

"Yes." Diana nodded, a terse smile tugging at her pale lips. "I did. I was thrown into a jump a few years ago. I know what it's like to not be able to ride for a while. Especially in the middle of show season. But it'll be just fine." She slid a hand over Akko's knee, over the dirty breeches that she still hadn't shed, and squeezed. "Now come on. Let's get you clean. We have to drive back tomorrow. Ride with me?"

"Huh?"

"In my car."

Oh. Right. She'd ridden up with the team in the van, but, well, that might be kind of uncomfortable with the cast and it would be nice to spread out in Diana's car. "Yeah," she muttered, pushing herself to her feet with her good arm. "Alright."

"We're going to have to wrap your arm," Diana said as she guided Akko into the washroom. "I have some vet wrap that I can put over it for now, but you're still going to have to keep it out of the water as much as you can."

"Vet wrap?" Akko squinted at Diana. "Why do you have vet wrap?"

Diana leveled Akko with a neutral expression that just said,  _Really, Akko?_ , before disappearing to her bag and coming back with some bright yellow veterinarian wound wrap. She took Akko's arm—carefully, and Akko made sure of that because she whimpered loudly to earn a gentler touch even though it didn't hardly hurt—and began winding the water resistant gauze around the cast.

"Alright," Diana said when she'd finished, grasping the bottom of Akko's jersey to pull it off. "Let's get you in."

"I don't need  _help,_ Diana," Akko moaned. "I can still undress myself." She brought one hand to the bottom of her shirt and started tugging on it for emphasis. Except, well, it brought a lot of pain to her arm and it ended with her instead being tangled in her own clothing and grunting while Diana stood back with her arms crossed and watched. "I lied," she admitted after three whole minutes of struggling. "I need help."

Diana chuckled and stepped forward once more, very carefully and delicately removing Akko's jersey around her cast. Her sports bra was next—that was hard, because it was tight around her torso and she had to contort her body to get out of it—and she was finally standing in front of Diana in just her dirt-stained breeches and socks.

The blonde was staring at her, her ligaments flexing in her cheeks as her jaw worked, blue eyes running over her body in a way that made Akko look away and squirm. Sure, Diana had seen her naked… once. For a while. Still, it felt awkward and she shrank underneath her one arm.

"Geez, you don't have to look at me like that," Akko murmured. She held her broken arm up and lifted one leg, stumbling a little before planting herself against the wall for support, and started peeling off her socks.

Diana hummed. She finally lifted her eyes and stepped forward, kissing Akko delicately on the corner of the mouth before turning and leaving the washroom, the door shutting gently behind her... but not before folding her jersey and sports bra and setting it on the sink.

Akko stared at the folded clothes. Clothes that were covered in dirt and sweat and who knew what else. She rolled her eyes—she probably would have laughed if she wasn't in such a bad mood—and shed the remainder of her clothes to kicked them into a pile on the floor.

She had no idea how to do this. There was literally no graceful way, not that Akko would ever find it if there  _was,_ and so she ended up clambering into the shower (really loudly, she kind of banged a whole lot of her other three limbs on the way) and hanging her arm out through the curtain.

Akko was standing beneath the water, grumbling and struggling to even deal with the body wash. She had managed to open it by scraping the lid against her thigh, but currently had it between her legs and was trying to squeeze it out onto her hand. She was huffing at the effort to keep her other arm up and out of the way and get the soap out when she heard the door creak open. The shower curtain pushed aside and Diana stepped in, a pale goddess of a girl with her wavy hair flowing around her shoulders and her bright blue eyes finding Akko's.

"Um." Akko choked on whatever words that were waiting to follow, the hand trying to deal with the body wash freezing as slippery container clattered down from between her legs. She very quickly reached down and grabbed it. "Diana?" She felt her cast arm drooping a little bit and tightened her resolve, holding it out anew as she licked her lips and stared at the girl in front of her as she straightened.

Diana stepped forward, the water pounding a steady rhythm against the front of her body as she took the body wash from Akko's hand. "Helping," she said with a sigh, pouring it onto the wash cloth she held in one hand. She blinked away, a drop of water dripping from her blonde eyelashes, and rubbed the cloth together. "So just stand still, would you?"

Akko stood rigid as the other girl ran the soap over her body. She felt like she couldn't breathe. Her lower abdomen stirred as she stared at Diana's body, as she struggled to keep herself from shaking against the gentle strokes that passed over her skin. She could feel her face turning beet red and swallowed hard.

"Are you alright?" Diana asked. Her eyebrows stitched together as she eyed Akko, the cloth stilling against her lower back. "I'll do your hair, too. I know it's pretty hard with one arm."

"Hard. Yes," Akko squeaked.

Diana rolled her eyes and chuckled, throwing the cloth into Akko's chest—she would have caught it but her reactions were delayed because she was staring at Diana's boobs—and it thumped to the floor of the tub near her feet. She ignored it, staring at the goosebumps that had spread a canvas over the blonde's alabaster skin, at the water that ran in clear rivulets over muscle and bone. She felt herself reaching forward, her hand clasping around a wet waist as she pulled Diana in to a huff of surprise.

"Akko…"

Akko kissed her, feeling the warm water pouring down over her eyelids and around her lips, dripping into the corner of her mouth. Diana pressed against her, body slick and soft against her own, before she pulled slowly away and rested her forehead against Akko's.

Drops of water hung on her blonde eyelashes, slid down over her temples and off the tip of her nose as it brushed up to Akko's. The hand at her side was still clutching the open shampoo bottle upside down. It leaked slowly out with the squeeze of her fingers, rushing with water into the drain, forgotten. Akko's hair was clinging to the sides of her face, pouring streams of water down her back and shoulders.

"We need to finish so we can get in bed," Diana said, her voice husky and grappling around the water that fell around her lips.

"I know," Akko murmured. She sighed into the other girl's warm body, her arm weighing and drooping heavy at her side. "I just wanted to say thanks."

Diana smirked, pulling back as she up-righted, swiped her eyes on her bicep, and squeezed shampoo into her palm. She threaded her fingers through Akko's hair, massaging gently as she blinked through the spray of the water and smiled into crimson eyes. Akko leaned into the pleasant sensation, trying to concentrate on the pleasure over the pain in her arm.

"You're welcome," Diana replied. She leaned forward and kissed Akko gently as she combed through her hair. "Now let's finish up, we have a long day tomorrow."

* * *

Sleep was arguably the hardest part about being in a cast. Her arm throbbed and she couldn't get comfortable, even with Diana next to her. At one point, she rolled over and thwacked her cast against Diana's hip bone and they both woke up wailing in pain to result in Diana clutching her hip and moaning in sleepy confusion and Akko slurring curses as she rolled around on her back hugging her wrist to her chest. It had been hard to get back to sleep.

Akko had at least been able to help load Chariot up into the van. She hadn't been able to put her shipping boots on—Diana had to do that while Akko held her and struggled to unwrap peppermints with her single hand—and the whole thing had been frustrating at best. Her skin had swollen so much into the inside of her cast that every movement was a shock of pain and no amount of ibuprofen even touched it.

And now, with her arm in her sling and resting at her side while she tried to ignore the throb, she had collapsed over the center console of Diana's car, one hand dangling over the girl's thigh as she drove and her head resting morosely on her bicep. Hannah and Barbara had tried to cheer her up for a while by playing driving games, but they had both quickly gotten bored. Barbara had tried to read NightFall before complaining about feeling carsick (to which Diana said, "If you get sick in my car because you chose to read during the drive, I will never let you in here again") and falling asleep. Hannah was slumped against the window and had been texting furiously for a while, alternating between grinning and grinning even wider.

"Are you alright?" Diana asked, a hand falling from the steering wheel to briefly squeeze Akko's limp hand. She shifted in her seat and sighed, eyes glazed as they stared ahead at the back of the van.

"Quid," Akko muttered, turning her palm up against Diana's fingers.

"You have to answer me first."

Akko felt her tickle the heel of her hand and grunted, jerking her forearm away only for Diana to find her hand again. "I'm bummed. Quid."

Diana pulled her hand away to flick her turn signal, following the van into another lane and rocking her neck back and forth in a quick stretch. "I don't have one."

Akko growled, squeezing her eyes shut. Diana's hand returned, but fell on Akko's head to let her fingers start roaming through her messy brunette hair. Akko hadn't bothered to brush it that morning—it was a hassle that she hadn't been focused on while she was trying to get dressed with one arm while insisting to Diana she could do it herself—and so it was still wild from sleep.

The drive wasn't long, but it felt like it. Only two and a half hours, which was a relief in itself purely because Akko could do nothing but mope about how she wouldn't be able to ride and had to deal with this stupid cast that made  _everything_ hard. Only the tips of her fingers were sticking out from it and she kept unconsciously flexing them, which shot pain through her forearm and made her regret every decision in her life until that moment. It was early afternoon when they made it back to Luna Nova and Akko stumbled back and forth from the van, tossing her gear haphazardly into her tack trunk with little regard for organization or leather protection. Diana stalked after her with a scowl, carefully rearranging the tack so that it wasn't so neglected, and helped her with the heavier items that needed two hands until she got fed up with Akko and told her to go do something else.

Akko felt horrible. Diana shouldn't have to be helping her do simple things. Nobody should have to help her do  _anything_.

The worst part was probably the look on Miss Callistis's face when she saw Akko's arm. They had a show the weekend after next—the important year end one that Akko was expected to ride in—and Miss Callistis had let out a heavy sigh and said, "It's alright, Akko," even though Akko could tell it wasn't okay at all.

By the time she'd made it back to her dormitory, the three roommates each disappearing into their own rooms with a sigh of exhaustion, she was starting to feel a  _little_ better. Two months wasn't that long, really, and the doctor hadn't specifically said she  _wouldn't_ heal sooner. There was still a possibility she could ride at internationals, at least in a couple races that didn't involve vaulting, and she might even be in the saddle sooner. All she had to do in the meantime was get good grades and focus on getting better.

Which sounded fine and perfectly reasonable, until she logged into BlackBoard to check her most recent exam grade, one she'd taken in History of Psychology on Friday.

She'd failed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o7


	31. Theory of Emotion

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

 

 

> _Akko 20:51_
> 
> _um_
> 
> _I kind of_
> 
> _failed my HOP test_
> 
> _;_;_

Diana stared down at her mobile, at the text that had been lighting her screen for the past few minutes, and rolled her jaw in thought. She remembered Akko saying that she had taken a History of Psychology test right before leaving for the Games competition and that she didn't think she had done all that well. Which irritated her to no end, because Akko absolutely  _needed_  to study and get her grades up, but now, more than ever, it was absolutely crucial. With a broken wrist, Miss Nelson had made it quite clear that the Japanese girl would have to maintain a certain GPA in order to hold her scholarship at Luna Nova or risk being sent back home.

She squeezed her eyes shut, curling over her crossed legs and feeling the soft plush of Mini Beatrix pressing into her lap. It had been only a few hours since she'd left the barn and Akko. She'd already done some laundry and studying, mostly getting a little bit more ahead of the readings and starting a few research papers that weren't due until the end of the semester, before finally climbing into bed to relax. It had been a long day and the cool sheets felt good against her skin, though she found herself missing the warmth of Akko and honestly wished that her girlfriend was there with her.

Diana sighed, letting herself fall back against her pillow as she held the mobile up above her head. She didn't want to have this conversation over text, so she dialed Akko instead, vaguely noting that it was the first time she'd actually  _called_  her girlfriend.

"I'm in trouble, aren't I?" came the very tiny, worried voice of Akko when she answered the phone after a single ring.

Diana gnawed her lip. She pulled Mini Beatrix to her chest and hugged her. "No, Akko, you're not in trouble," she murmured, trying to think about exactly what to say without sounding like a lecturing mother, something that Akko very much liked to call her when she tried to remind the other girl of her responsibilities. "How poorly did you do?"

She could hear some shifting around, followed by an, "Ouch." A moment later, Akko breathed into the phone and said, "I mean, I failed. But only by a point, I guess?"

"A point. Okay." Diana sucked in air, her fingers sliding through the yarn of her plush's mane as she shifted her legs beneath the sheets. "I would like to say that's not so bad, but considering you failed, it still is."

A breath. A hesitation. "I know," Akko whispered. She sounded sad, which immediately brought a pang to Diana's chest. She did want Akko to take her studies seriously, but she did  _not_  want her to be sad. "I'm sorry."

Akko did not need to be apologizing to Diana. It wasn't  _Diana_ she was hurting. Though, she supposed if Akko lost her scholarship and was sent back to Japan... well, that would be a terrible thing and Diana was not ready for something like that to take place. She liked Akko, very much so, and the thought of her going away was not one that sat well in her mind.

"I'll help you," Diana blurted.

There was a long pause. Diana could hear more squirming and breathing on the other end of the line. Then, finally:

"Huh?"

"I can help," Diana repeated, clenching her hand tighter around the small stuffed horse in her hands. "I'll help you study."

"Diana, you're not a Psych major," Akko replied.

"That doesn't matter." She turned onto her back, staring up at her dark ceiling and squeezing her eyes shut. "I tutor all kinds of students. I know some good techniques for studying I can share with you. I know how to help."

"Diana, you don't have to-"

"Akko, I want to," Diana cut in. "I don't mind at all."

"O-okay," Akko said. "If... if you're sure." The other girl chuckled nervously. "I'm not very smart, though."

"Akko." Diana sighed, swallowing. "You're very smart. You just don't apply yourself."

"Yes, Okaasan. Haven't heard that one before," Akko replied in a rumbling grunt. "Hey, um... can I... ask a question?"

The sudden trepidation in her girlfriend's voice made Diana hesitate. She pressed the phone under her face and against the pillow, resting her head on top of it and trying very hard not to breathe too loudly. "Yes?"

"Was... was I..." Akko's voice wavered. "Was I bad?"

Diana felt a small smile creep across her face. She chuckled, letting out a long sigh of relief. She had thought Akko's question was going to be something that she wasn't sure how to answer. "No, of course not. You..." she paused, licking her lips as she thought of how to continue. "It was great, Akko. You did fine."

"Oh." She could hear the sigh of relief on the other end of the line. "Okay. Good."

Just the thought of the other night made Diana squirm beneath the sheets. "Though I will admit, once isn't really enough to say," she murmured, hesitating before adding, "You could... come over, and I can give you a certain answer for sure."

Silence.

A shift.

"I, um..." Akko breathed, chuckling nervously. "It's late. And, um... my wrist really hurts."

Diana laughed quietly, snuggling deeper beneath her sheets. "I was just kidding, Akko."

"Oh. Right." Akko sounded sleepy. She must have rolled around, because a static shot through the speakers that made Diana reel away from her mobile. "I miss you."

A smile tugged at the corner of her lips. "It's only been a few hours, Akko."

"Yeah, so?" Akko mumbled. She yawned. "My bed's not as comfy without you in it."

Diana had to admit, hers would be much more welcoming with Akko in it, as well. She wished the other girl was there, even with the amount of squirming she constantly did throughout the night and the rogue limbs that she'd find on her face or smacking against her, or the fingers that twitched and tickled while Akko slept. Even the gentle snores were comforting (except when Akko slept on her back, then they would get loud and drive Diana crazy). She sighed into the phone and said, "I miss you, too. We should really get some sleep, though. You can't be late for class in the morning."

"I know."

They both grew quiet, a long bout of awkward silence stretching between them as neither of them said anything. Finally, Akko spoke:

"Would you, um..." Akko trailed off.

Diana was exhausted. From the weekend, from the drive, from the entire day. "Yes, Akko?" she mumbled.

"Would you... stay on the phone with me? Maybe?" Her voice was husky and wavering as Diana had come to recognize when the other girl was on the verge of sleep. "It's just, I'm kind of sad, and..."

Diana felt herself smiling. She pulled the mobile away from her face, wincing as she squinted at the bright screen, and put it on speaker. "Of course," she said, setting the phone down next to the pillow and cuddling right up to the edge. "Go to sleep, Akko."

A long breath. She could tell Akko was smiling. "Thanks, Diana." Another pause, drawn out with nothing but quiet exhales, and a very sleepy, mumbly, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Akko," Diana whispered, and let herself fall asleep to the peaceful, steady breathing of Akko... who might not have been beside her, but was with her all the same.

* * *

It was only her second time riding Chariot seriously (Diana had not considered the first time in the indoor to be serious in the least) and it was a very, very strange sensation to be riding the flighty pony as opposed to her massive Hanoverian. Her legs ached from keeping the stirrups jacked up so high—she was too tall for the pony and her boots kept banging up against the mare's legs—and she found herself quickly becoming exhausted with the effort of focusing so hard on her position.

She never realized how easy she had it on Beatrix. She could relax on the larger mare, let her leg naturally fall into place without interfering, let her body slip into a flow that was comfortable and pleasant. But on Chariot, she had to constantly be aware of her legs, her body, her shoulders. She was panting as she eased the mare up from cantering on a 20-meter circle and immediately dropped the stirrups to stretch her sore legs out.

"Wow, she looks way better with you than she ever looked with me," Akko muttered from where she was sitting on the mounting block. She looked absolutely miserable, hunched up and shivering in her red coat and burying her face into her scarf. A very sullen look was flickering in her wide red eyes as she watched. "Maybe you should just ride her for me from now on."

Diana had offered to help keep Chariot conditioned while Akko couldn't ride. But she hadn't been the only one to offer her services. Hannah, Lotte, Amanda, and Wangari had all stepped forward and expressed an interest in keeping the small mare in top physical shape until Akko could get back in the saddle. Akko had accepted, very graciously and near tears, and so the five girls had made an agreement to ride the mare one weekday each, with Diana filling in one day on the weekend. That way, Chariot would have a heavy and equal dose of both Gaming and Jumping and wouldn't lose a single day of training.

"That's not true," Diana asserted, easing Chariot up to a walk and leaning down to give her a pat on the neck. Chariot's nostrils flared from the effort of her workout. She bent down into the contact of the bit and chomped at the metal in her mouth. "You two are an incredible pair. No one can ride her like you do."

"Yeah, well, she looks like a fancy Dressage pony with  _you_ ," Akko whined. She pulled her broken wrist tight into her chest, held up by the sling, and frowned at Diana and Chariot as they walked over. "She doesn't go like that for me."

Diana knew that Akko wanted to ride. She knew she wanted to be in the saddle instead of watching others go around on her mare and doing things that she herself should have been doing. It was, honestly, very disheartening to watch the disintegration of her mood as she could only sit and observe someone else on Chariot.

At the very least, the swelling of her wrist had gone down over the past few days and it only seemed to hurt Akko when she forgot it was broken and tried to use it. Which... was often.

"And she looks like a fancy Jumper with you," Diana countered. She swung her leg over the pony and dropped to the ground, running the stirrups up and loosening the girth. Akko stood and stepped forward to start unbuckling the bridle with one hand, patting her pony on the neck and giving her a big, loud kiss on the cheek. "You two are the perfect pair."

"I feel like I let her down," Akko mumbled. She wrapped her arm around Chariot's neck and leaned into her pony, pressing her face into the short chestnut mane.

Diana moved to the other side, carefully tucking up the other stirrup as she watched Akko hugging her mare. She was looking away from them, off towards the stables and the bright light that led to the inner aisle of the barn, but Diana could still see the shimmer on her cheeks beneath the glow of the stadium lights.

"Akko." She moved to the mare's neck, reaching out to gently stroke Akko's cheek with the back of a gloved hand. She drew it away, noting the wet smear that had gone across the leather and frowning.

Akko had not cried when she'd actually broken her wrist. She had not cried when she got the news from the doctor. She had not cried with the realization that she likely couldn't ride for around two months. She not cried about the possibility of missing Internationals. Honestly, Diana hadn't been surprised. She knew Akko was sad-that she was upset and frustrated and ultimately miserable-but the brunette had proved herself to be strong and resilient, able to adjust on the fly and approach new challenges with a certain grit and determination that Diana admired.

Diana dropped the reins. If she had learned anything about Chariot over the past few months, it was that the mare would stay by her owner's side regardless. She unbuckled her helmet and let it fall in her spare hand as she leaned over the pony's neck, draping one arm around Akko's shoulders and bending down to press cold lips against a salty cheek. Chariot stood quietly, a pillar of support between the weight of the two girls, and did not move a muscle. Diana rested the side of her face on the mare's neck beside Akko's. The thick red mane pricked and tickled her dry skin.

Akko turned her head to look at Diana, crimson eyes glossed with tears that leaked silently from the corners of her eyes. "I failed her," she murmured, her fingers brushing against Diana's chin as they threaded into the mane for an anchor. Her lips were so close that warm air glided over Diana's cheeks. "She's worked so hard for me. She deserves to go to Internationals with the rest of the team."

"You didn't fail her," Diana replied. The night was cold and catching up to her now inactive body quickly, flooding her blood with a chill that stung her skin. She could smell the thick, musty scent of Chariot's winter coat, her own helmet-sweat drenched hair, Akko's lavender-scented shampoo. The sound of a horse's nostrils snorting in time with a rhythmic canter echoed from an arena nearby. "You didn't fail anybody, Akko. What happened is not your fault." She squeezed her hand against Akko's jacket, wishing she had at least taken her glove off so she could touch her hair.

The muscles of Akko's cheek twitched in response and she sniffled, squeezing her eyes shut and frowning. She said nothing.

"You'll be better before you know it," she murmured. "Until then, Chariot's still your girl and she very much knows that." She tilted her head and pressed her lips to Akko's. Akko leaned into it, a heavy sigh slipping through her nostrils as she returned the kiss.

"You're my girl, too, though, right?" Akko asked, breaking away and meeting Diana's blue eyes with a sad smile. The fingers entwined through Chariot's stiff mane reached up and gently pressed against Diana's cheek. They were cold, but Diana leaned into the touch anyway, offering what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

"Of course, Akko." She leaned in, planting a brief kiss on chapped lips. "I'm your girl, too."

* * *

Diana did not believe in impossible tasks. She once had to break a filly that seemed to want to do nothing but rear and buck, who would whip around and slam her against fences or simply throw herself on the ground to avoid being ridden. But with time, effort, and a whole lot of patience, that little filly had become Beatrix. There was getting over Chloe-that had seemed an overwhelming mountain of impossibility when she first approached it—and yet still, she overcame. There were essays and research papers that made her want to rip her hair out, exams that she worried she wouldn't be able to learn the information for, the first time she jumped a course of 100cm.

But getting Akko to focus on studying was slowly and very surely making Diana think that there was, indeed, an impossible task in world that was full of nothing but possibilities.

Akko had been given the opportunity to retake the failed History of Psychology test. At Diana's encouragement, she had gone to the professor's office hours ("But talking to them is scary!" she'd moaned, to Diana had said, "Do you want to stay at Luna Nova, or not?") and explained her situation and asked for another chance to take the failed exam. It was never something that Diana had done, herself—she made sure to never let her grades slip out of reach of perfection—but it was a technique of begging-without-seeming-like-you're-begging that she sometimes encouraged on students that she tutored.

"No professor wants to see their student fail," Diana had carefully explained to a woeful looking Akko who had stood outside the professor's classroom looking like she was about to walk into a fire. "As long as you're putting in the effort, they'll give you every chance to succeed."

Her professor had given her another chance. Akko had run out of the office screeching and pumping her arm in the air until she'd come down from her high moaning with pain over her wrist (which she'd tried to throw in the air, too) and then chattered the entire way to the stable about how brave she was for asking. Diana was proud of her, but she still had to overcome another obstacle on her course to keep her scholarship: she had to actually  _pass_  the test, and with a very decent grade, as well. Along with a multitude of  _other_  exams.

It was Friday night and they had no show that weekend, a welcome relief from all the traveling that they'd been doing. Weekends off were a rare occurrence that Diana cherished. Shows were fun, to be sure, but nothing beat the ability to do her own thing on her own time without the stress of competition and the demand of visible perfection.

And so she'd invited Akko to spend the night. It was the first time Akko would be sleeping over at Diana's and so she had been filled with a nervous energy the entire day. She'd tidied her already tidied room, put new sheets on the bed, hidden her most embarrassing items (a photograph where she looked silly and the diary she kept on her desk), and had paced her room looking for other things to take care of before Akko arrived.

There was a single catch. One that had made Akko groan out loud.

They had to spend the night  _studying_.

And so they had. For hours they had pored over the material for Akko's failed History of Psychology exam and the relevant chapters as outlined on the syllabus. Diana had instructed her to make notecards for terms, studies, and notable psychologists. For theories Akko couldn't understand, Diana had her write everything down—verbatim—and then break everything apart sentence by sentence until her mind grasped each concept and made sense of it. She'd quizzed her, setting aside Akko's weakest topics to repeat later, until the other girl had thrown herself across Diana's bed and had engaged in complaining more than studying.

And it wasn't as though they'd studied straight through. There were many breaks, way more than Diana would have ever taken herself if this was her own material, and each time it was more and more difficult to get the brunette back on track. They'd gotten water, which apparently was a whole ordeal that needed fifteen minutes in itself. They'd made dinner. They'd then eaten that dinner. They took a break because Akko just  _had_  to show Diana, "one of the funniest videos she's ever seen," which then spiraled into more videos until Diana slapped her own MacBook shut. They'd made out for a little bit—Diana couldn't complain about that one—and then Akko had started flipping through her notebook showing Diana all the horses she'd doodled along the way. Which, okay, they weren't bad—and by that standard were they by no means anything that showed actual artistic adequacy—but by this point, Diana could tell that she was losing the Japanese girl completely and that any further studying would be a monumental mountain that she wasn't sure was worth undertaking.

Still, she was going to try.

It may have been the selfish reason that she  _wanted_  Akko to stay at Luna Nova. Or that she  _wanted_  to see Akko succeed in everything she did. But, right now, getting her to pass her exams was the most crucial effort on Diana's current schedule.

"That's a great drawing of Chariot, Akko," Diana mumbled, taking the notebook from her girlfriend's hands and flipping back to the page of scribbles (note: teach Akko how to actually take notes) and leveling an icy stare into Akko's red. "But I care very little for it at the moment. I'll look at every horse you've ever drawn when you pass this test."

Akko groaned, throwing herself over backwards onto Diana's bed and, with the action, crumpling quite a few papers that had been scattered about. She was wearing nothing but her white t-shirt and her little red shorts and Diana could help but let her eyes trail to the smooth, bruise-littered legs and the tiny bit of abdomen that showed when Akko's shirt rode up. Akko threw her arm dramatically out to the side and huffed.

"Can't we just take a break?" Akko whined. "We've been doing this forever."

"Four hours," Diana said, "is not forever."

"Feels like it." Akko huffed and kicked into Diana's thigh with her bare foot. "This is torture. Sleepovers are supposed to be fun!"

Diana rolled her eyes, moving a hand to push the cold foot away. "And you're a 19 year old university student that stands to lose a full-ride scholarship, Akko. The nature of this 'sleepover' is more a way to get you to study for a test you already failed."

Akko pouted, eyebrows stitching together as she twisted to sit up on her elbow and stare at Diana. "I thought you invited me over so we could have sex."

Diana flushed. They hadn't done anything since that first time and Akko hadn't yet given any indication that she wanted to again. The broken wrist had been their main focus and, well, the week had been so hectic they'd hardly gotten to spend much time together as it was. She quickly averted her eyes and stared down at the cue cards she held in her hands. "I—Akko, that's not, I mean... that would be... but..." She breathed a sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. "We need to study, Akko."

Akko was smirking. "I like it when you're flustered," she mumbled, flopping back onto the bed. "Fine. But I want a kiss for every right answer I get."

Diana took a deep breath, running a hand through her wavy hair and letting her face return to its normal color before finding Akko's gaze once more. She looked smug—cute—and the mischevious look on her face told Diana that Akko certainly didn't plan to comply with her demands much longer. But, fine, if the incentive actually helped, Diana would try it.

After all, it's not like Diana didn't  _want_  to kiss her, so it would be a reward for both of them.

"Your lips are going to remain very dry," Diana deadpanned, the corner of her lip twitching into a smile. "But if you insist." She glanced down at the card in her hand. "Three theories that William James contributed to modern day psychology."

"Easy," Akko said. "Pragmatism, functionalism, and the theory of emotion."

" _James-Lange_ theory of emotion. Now describe each."

Akko glared. She sat up and pointed to her lips. "I don't work without pay."

Diana sighed, rolled her eyes. She leaned in and pressed a kiss to Akko's waiting lips.

"What was  _that_?" Akko muttered when Diana pulled away. She narrowed her bright red eyes and cocked her head to the side.

"A kiss," Diana said flatly.

Akko grunted. "That was  _not_  worth it."

"It was an easy question," Diana hissed. "You can have something more when you answer something that actually takes a bit of thought. Like describing each, as I've already asked."

"Fine." Akko folded her legs underneath her and bit her lip as she stared off in thought. "Pragmatism is the theory that we determine truth based on our own truths which means that truth is entirely subjective."

"That is the general idea, yes, but it's not-"

"It doesn't have to be  _verbatim_ , Diana," Akko groaned. "It's a multiple choice exam. So long as I can actually pick it out from three other answers, I'll get it right."

Diana squeezed her eyes shut and slipped the card to the back of the deck, turning her head to lean in and press her lips against Akko's once more. She felt warm fingers snaking around her neck, threading through her hair to pull her in closer. A moan of approval echoed against Akko's teeth as her tongue darted out to drift over Diana's bottom lip.

Her insides stirred, woken with the sudden desire the other girl was displaying. She jerked away, shrugging out of the hand behind her head, and took a shaky breath. "Functionalism," she said, steadying her voice with much effort.

Akko was grinning back at her. She'd moved in a little closer, her knee brushing against Diana's thigh. "Our inner conscious helps us adapt to changes in our environment," she stated, clearly pleased with herself. " _Not_  verbatim."

She shuffled the card in her hand and moved in for another kiss, not surprised this time when Akko pressed forward with vigor. She allowed it to last for a moment too long, letting a palm fall to Akko's thigh and dancing across the soft skin. A long breath of air fell from Akko's nostrils.

Diana's chest was throbbing. She backed off again, squirming where she sat at the edge of her bed and sucking in air. She could feel the fire in her cheeks as she showed Akko the next card. "You have one more William James theory."

"The  _James-Lange_  theory of emotion," Akko breathed quickly, unmoving from where Diana left her. Ruby eyes moved to capture blue as she continued speaking. "An external stimulus..." she began, shifting to plant her hand against Diana's thigh, "will create-" Her hand crept up, fingers a featherlight touch on her skin. Diana inhaled deeply, feeling her heart slam hard against her chest.

Akko's fingers slid into the leg of Diana's shorts, moving intently up. Diana froze, the cards in her hand shifting with her loosened grip, as Akko pushed beneath her underwear and ran through her. A fresh wave of arousal coursed, ruthless and overwhelming, through her body as Akko pulled her hand away, her eyes falling on the wet juices that were clinging to her fingers as she rubbed them together. She lifted her eyes again, smirking. "A physiological reaction."

"Right," Diana whispered. She didn't care about studying anymore. She dropped the cards, ignoring the fact that they'd scattered all over the bed and the floor—she'd pick them up later, it didn't matter—and lunged forward, hands finding the sides of Akko's head as she wound her fingers through soft brunette hair and crashed their lips together. Akko was hungry, desperate, fighting against her as she tried desperately to start taking her clothes off with just the one hand.

But Diana didn't care about clothes. They had all night. They'd come off eventually. Right now she wanted one thing:

Akko.

Akko was ripping the sling off her shoulder, grappling with the front of Diana's shirt with the other hand as she threw her broken arm out to the side, out of the way, and pulled Diana down on top of her. Diana slid her thigh between Akko's legs, reveling in the dirty moan that slid from the other girl's parted lips, and kissed her greedily as her hand slid beneath the waistband of those red shorts, huffing a breathy moan as she felt how wet Akko was. She wasted no time—this was not the intimate care of their first, this was carnal lust—and pushed inside with a quick but careful thrust that made Akko's head fall back against the pillow and her mouth fall open in with a squeaky cry and a, "Diana,  _kuso_."

She didn't know what that meant, but the way Akko's eyes flickered open to meet hers briefly before rolling back told her that it wasn't bad. Diana drove forward, panting against Akko's mouth with each thrust, their foreheads leaning together for support as Akko stopped kissing her, low moans and unintelligible whispers falling from her lips as her hips rose and fell in rhythm.

And, good God, was it hot.

It may have been impossible to keep Akko focused on studying. It may have been a difficult task to keep her on track, to consider the necessity of success and the importance of what was at stake. But Akko was right, it had been a long night, and if the other girl hadn't have gotten all of the answers right in her little game... well, Diana likely would have shown restraint in preference for further studies.

But Akko had gotten nothing wrong. Her answers had been correct.

And minutes later, as Akko clenched her thighs and came hard around Diana's fingers, shuddering and rocking her hips up to meet the fingers that had curled inside her while she choked on her own cries of pleasure and mewled Diana's name along with a slew of Japanese, Diana couldn't help but think that was an even better answer than any of the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've got nothing my friends, hope you enjoyed it


	32. The Glass Closet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo @unabletosleep, i hope you don't mind i used your reference to a 'glass closet' but i liked it so much i couldn't help myself. thanks for the idea mate.

 

**AKKO**

She did not like watching other people riding her mare when she herself couldn't.

Not that she  _minded_ other people being on her pony. It was certainly okay—Chariot was kind and a lot of fun to ride and she loved sharing that with others—but with the current state of her wrist and the inability to ride  _herself_ … well, it really, really sucked.

Akko could hear the rain pummeling down against the tin roof as she dug the heels of her paddock boots down against the rail of the fence and slouched over herself. It had started raining late in the night, which Akko hadn't minded in the least at the time because the sound of raindrops pattering against Diana's window only made cuddling with the warm body next to her even more comfortable. They'd woken a bit later than they planned and laid in bed far longer than they should have, mostly because Akko insisted that they stay. It was cold outside the sheets and she was cozy next to Diana's bare body. She just wanted to stay for hours with her nose buried in the crook of the other girl's neck and the soft hair that waved around her face, talking about nothing in particular and just… enjoying. They had curled up together and watched the grey sky and the rain that streaked rivers down the windowpane, quiet in their content.

But, all good things came to an end, and Diana finally won the battle between laziness and responsibility and had forced Akko to get out of bed and get ready for the barn. She didn't want to get out of bed at all, and she more importantly didn't want to leave Diana's arms, but at least it was the barn and not studying. Akko could be grateful for that much.

Now, as she watched Diana circling the arena on Chariot, the rain was nothing more than a burden. Though they were in the indoor, it was still cold and damp, and Akko was miserable as she buried her hands deep into the pockets of her coat and shrank into it. Her breath puffed into the air before her, nose dry with the smell of cold, the cough-stirring must of hay, and the heavy scent of horse manure. She watched, passive and unmoving, as Diana rose in a quick post to keep time with the short steps of the feisty pony. Chariot's neck curled beautifully, her muzzle tucked in close to her chest and her nostrils rolling with snorts of exertion as she kept up the rhythm being asked of her. After a moment, Diana sank deep into her seat and brought the mare back down to a walk.

"She feels good today," Diana called from across the arena. She glanced up from patting Chariot, wearing a broad grin as she flexed her fingers against the reins. "Much better than Beatrix was."

Admittedly, Diana's mare had been extremely unforgiving. The mare had fought her every step of the way, grunting and stiffening in rebellion of her usual poise, which Diana had simply attributed to being in heat. Beatrix had gone around the arena with her tail flagged off to the side, lazy and resistant, until Diana had finally said, "Toss it," and gotten off.

Chariot, though, looked as good as Diana said she felt. The little chestnut pony was perfectly well-behaved, doing everything asked of her—which was going slower and moving much less rambunctiously, as Diana demanded—with forward willingness and not a single complaint. Akko had been riveted as she watched her mare rocking into the slowest canter she'd ever seen her do as she coasted in a perfect circle, surprisingly at ease beneath Diana's tall frame.

"Lemme on for a minute," Akko declared, jumping down off the fence and stepping forward. "I wanna canter her like that."

"Don't be daft," Diana replied. She eased Chariot up and dropped her stirrups, relaxing on the mare's back as she chewed at the bit and dipped her head. "There's no way I'm letting you get on this pony with a broken wrist."

"C'mon," Akko moaned. She strode up to her pony and tugged at one of the reins, feeling Diana's grip unrelenting. The other girl glowered down at her, platinum eyebrows knit close together. "Just for a minute? I can ride with one hand."

Diana shook her head. "Absolutely not."

Akko frowned and kicked at the dirt. "I deserve a reward for studying for so long last night," she muttered. "And I think riding  _my_  pony is a plenty good reward. I'll stay real close to you, promise."

"I believe you were rewarded last night," Diana retorted, unable to hide the smirk that flew across her pale lips. She tugged on the reins, backing Chariot a few steps before whirling the agile mare in a spin. "In fact, I believe you were rewarded multiple times, if I interpreted the noises you were making correctly."

Akko flushed. "Yeah, well, you wouldn't let me…" she muttered, eyes lingering on Diana and Chariot as they began to circle her at the walk. "My wrist's only broken a little. I can still do stuff, you know."

"Within reason." Diana let the reins slide through her hands and Chariot stretched her neck out gratefully. "And I don't believe riding a horse is within reason."

"She's a pony."

"No, Akko."

Akko let out a long sigh. Diana was not going to relent, likely even to let her just get on the pony and walk around a little bit. She was about to open her mouth to argue more just for the sake of arguing, but a voice from behind made her lips fall shut.

"Miss Cavendish. I've been looking all over for you."

The thin chain of the indoor's metal stock fence clanged through the arena as Miss Meridies slid inside, striding confidently up to the two girls and the pony with a terse smile. She had a knit hat pulled tight down over her head, the bottom bit of her lilac hair jutting out around her neck. Her nose was bright red as though she'd been out in the cold.

"Ah, Miss Kagari. How's your wrist?"

"Still broken," Akko muttered grumpily, looking away and resuming a childish kick at the dirt around her boots.

Miss Meridies nodded, raising an eyebrow. "Well, I certainly hope it heals quickly," she said, not without kindness, before switching her attention to Diana. "The end of year ceremony has been scheduled for the 23rd. I need to know if your Aunt will be attending so I can reserve the meal."

Diana nodded, sliding off Chariot's back and adjusting her breeches before tending to the stirrups and girth. "I'll check in with her and give you a response as soon as I can," she replied. "The location?"

"We're hosting this year," Miss Meridies replied. The corners of her mouth twitched with a smile. "A relief not to travel for once. The top point earners are pretty close, but you should solidify the award again this year if all goes well next weekend. Which," she paused, her smile widening, "I have no doubt it will."

Diana's expression remained neutral as she humbly accepted the compliment. "I'll certainly do my best," she said. She pulled the reins over Chariot's head, pushing the mare away when she tried to rub her face much like she did to Akko, and regarded Miss Meridies with another nod of acknowledgment. "Thank you."

The Hunt coach reached out and gave Chariot a quick scratch to the forehead before offering another small smile to Akko. "Feel well, Miss Kagari," she said before turning on her heel and striding off.

"End of year ceremony?" Akko asked once the instructor was out of earshot. "What's that for?"

"Award ceremony," Diana said. She began unbuckling the bridle's throatlatch and noseband, finally rewarding Chariot with a long scratch to her cheeks when she asked again. "It's much like a gala. Though, I have no intentions of asking my Aunt to attend."

"Eh? Why?" Akko stepped up to her mare and leaned over her back, giving her a pat to the shoulder and sighing into the fluffy warmth. She smelled like horse and dirt. She smelled good. Her hand moved up to ruffle the mane as she met Diana's gaze. The other girl's pale cheeks and nose were red from the cold, a few strands of blonde escaping the confines of her helmet and draping around the sides of her face. Akko wanted to kiss her. She practiced restraint and didn't.

Diana chewed at her lip, glancing away. "I… wanted to ask if you'd accompany me this year," Diana said slowly. "It's… generally a very nice occasion, and I would like to share it with you. I would rather like to… show you off. If that's alright." Her cheeks dusted with a darker red, flushing with the statement.

"Oh, um." Akko reached up and scratched at the back of her head, frowning as she turned her eyes down to Chariot's hoof as it stomped against the ground. "That's… kind of the same weekend as internationals."

"Oh."

"I mean, there's no guarantee I can even ride, but I'm the Captain and I kind of owe it to the team…" Akko started.

"No. I understand," Diana said. Her voice was firm but laced with disappointment as she turned away. "That's perfectly alright. I'll just… see if Aunt Daryl can go after all."

Akko's frown deepened as she watched her girlfriend begin to walk away with Chariot. It's not that she didn't  _want_ to go with Diana to her event, even if it sounded fancy and uptight. No, she very much wanted to. But she had a responsibility to her team, to Chariot, to herself, and even if she couldn't ride… well, she didn't really have a choice in the matter.

With a resigned sigh, she followed her girlfriend and her pony, her gut gnawing with the realization that, in a sense, she was letting them  _both_  down.

* * *

"Guys. GUYS!" Akko shrieked, slinging open the door to her dorm (which slammed into the wall and left a brand new mark in the plaster from the handle, adding to the collection that she'd already caused) and bursting into the foyer. Lotte looked up from where she had been sitting on the couch watching some kind of garbage television, mouth frozen around a granola bar as she stared from behind her thick lenses.

"Akko, are you alright?" Lotte asked. She rose, tossing the remainder of her granola bar onto their cluttered coffee table and leveling Akko with narrowed eyes. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes!"

The doorframe shook as Akko threw the door shut behind her, tossing her satchel dramatically onto the floor and ignoring the books that spilled out. She couldn't hide the broad grin that was bursting across her lips as she raised the papers over her head and flapped them around. "I passed!"

"Good God, is there a whole herd of horses in here?" Sucy grumbled as she emerged from her bedroom and stalked down the narrow hallway. She stopped in the den, blinking at Akko from behind her perfectly straight lavender hair. "Oh. It's just Akko. Same thing."

"I passed my test!" Akko yelled again, unable to stop herself from bouncing on her toes with excitement as she slapped the exam down on the kitchen counter. "I passed!"

"Well, geez, what do you want? A gold star for the brilliant effort on your re-take?"

"Sucy," Lotte scolded. Her own lips twisted into a smile. "That's great, Akko! How did you do?"

Akko threw herself against the counter, ignoring the pain that shot through her arm when she pounded her cast against the edge, and beamed down at the bright red mark at the top of the paper. "I got a B. I got it back after class today. She graded it so fast!"

Sucy walked over, eyeing the paper for a moment before pulling open the fridge and seizing one of her weird kale drinks. She unscrewed the top and held it to her lips, drinking deeply before swiping a bit of green off her upper lip. "You know that's curved, right?"

Akko frowned, pushing her hair behind her ear as she turned to glare at her roommate. "So?" she grumbled. "Only by six points."

Sucy set her bottle down on the counter and pulled the paper over, dropping a black fingernail down onto the mark at the top. "That six points gave you a B. Otherwise, you would have gotten a C."

"Akko, that's still not very good…" Lotte murmured, crossing her arms over her chest and frowning at her two roommates from the den. Akko glowered over the bar at her, her nose curling in distaste. They were her friends, her roommates! So what if her grade got a curve? She'd worked hard to even get a passing grade in the first place. And if  _her_  grade was curved, that meant everyone else's was, too.

"Well, considering I only had this weekend to really study for it, I think I did just fine," Akko mumbled. She snatched her paper back from Sucy and straightened her back, huffing at the two intense stares.

"Actually," Sucy deadpanned, "you've technically had since the beginning of the semester if you wanted to get ahead, and since this was a re-test, at the bare minimum you probably had weeks more than this past weekend."

Akko growled. She crumpled her paper in her hand and threw it into Sucy's face. Her friend caught it and threw it back.

"We just want you to stay at Luna Nova," Lotte said gently. Her smile returned, though hesitant, and she strode over to put a hand on Akko's shoulder near her sling. "But it's great that you got a B. You worked hard for that."

"You mean Diana worked her hard," Sucy corrected. A smirk flickered across her lips, sparking her dark red eyes. "Probably worked her hard all night."

"Sucy!" Lotte snapped, eyes widening as she shot a glare at the very pleased girl.

"I'll have you know," Akko murmured, blushing as she raised a pointed finger at Sucy as she took a step back. "We studied for hours before we had sex. Hours!"

Sucy threw her hands up, eyes widening. "Cool, cool! I did not need to know that! It was a joke, I really don't care!"

Akko grinned, grabbing her crumpled exam back off the counter and smoothing it out. "I'm gonna go tell Diana," she said with excitement, nearly bouncing on her toes as she pranced off down the hall to her small room. Okay, so she  _had_  only gotten a B with a curve. So? It would still boost her overall grade by a lot. And considering she had failed the first time, the new grade was a massive improvement. Studying still sucked, but it gave a lot of confidence knowing that she could actually do decently if she tried. And, if she tried even  _harder_ … well, maybe she'd get an A with a curve!

Akko slammed her door behind her (rattling the doorframe again to a, "Stop it, Akko!" from Lotte) and ripped her sling off, throwing herself onto her unmade bed and letting her broken wrist fall to the side with a thump. She held her phone above her face, promptly dropping it onto her face and grunting, before rolling over and carefully typing a text. It was hard with one thumb, but it didn't slow her down  _that_  much.

 

> _Akko 3:15_
> 
> _GUESS WHAT_
> 
> _are u still in class?_
> 
> _who cares_
> 
> _not me_
> 
> _sorry about the vibes_
> 
> _hopefully its on silent_
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 3:16_
> 
> _I got a B :3_

She kicked her sneakers off, throwing them to a floor scattered with both dirty and clean laundry (because folding was for the weak) and stared at the background of her phone while she waited for a response. It was a picture of Diana and Chariot—she'd sneakily taken it while Diana was riding—and the very image of the gorgeous girl riding her pony made her want to squeal with glee. Diana was tilted forward, her hands soft and low at Chariot's withers, a long blonde ponytail bouncing on her back as her gaze locked straight ahead in focus. Chariot, too, was in perfect mid-stride, her legs reached out in a working trot.

Diana's text flashed up on her phone.

 

> _Diana 3:18_
> 
> _Yes, I'm still in class. That's great, babe, good job!_

Akko beamed, kicking her foot into her messy sheets.

 

> _Akko 3:19_
> 
> _I owe u kisses_
> 
> _how about 2_
> 
> _maybe 1 more as interest_
> 
> _so 3 kisses_
> 
> _I guess 4 if u want 4_
> 
> _:3_
> 
>  
> 
> _Diana 3:20_
> 
> _Stop being so cute. Barn later?_

She hadn't planned on going to the barn. It was pouring rain again and Games practice had been cancelled, plus she had to start a research paper for Clinical Psychology that she'd gotten a whole lot of books for—featuring her first foray into the library—not to mention a quiz for Hippotherapy. Though, she had Diana's google drive for that one, so she pretty much had all the answers because her girlfriend took such incredible notes.

But she  _did_  want to see Diana. Really badly, as a matter of fact. She didn't get to see her the day before, because Diana had gone to the barn at a different time and they didn't have any classes together, and she desperately missed her warmth.

 

> _Akko 3:20_
> 
> _Maybe_
> 
>  
> 
> _Diana 3:20_
> 
> _Please?_
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 3:21_
> 
> _what do I get_
> 
>  
> 
> _Diana 3:25_
> 
> _Anything you want._
> 
> _Akko 3:25_
> 
> _aaaanythingggg? :3_
> 
>  
> 
> _Diana 3:27_
> 
> _Within reason._
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko: 3:28_
> 
> _Alpha zero_
> 
>  
> 
> _Diana 3:35_
> 
> …
> 
> _I like you, Akko Kagari, but you are something else._

* * *

Akko lingered in the aisle leading to the indoor, listening to the clopping of horseshoes echoing against the stone as she peered out into the brightly lit arena. There were three horses and riders, but Akko only cared about one pair. Her eyes fell on Diana and Beatrix as they cantered gracefully in a serpentine, swapping leads professionally with each change in direction. Diana looked so focused and graceful, her legs unmoving against the mare's side. Beatrix was clearly no longer in her moody heat and she was obeying perfectly, neck arched and back fluid with each stride.

They were picturesque. Beautiful. Akko felt her breath stutter, her heart throb with pride. A slow smirk etched across her face as she stepped up to the gate and leaned against it. Diana glanced over, her lips twitching as she returned the smile, and kept riding. Akko watched, admiring the fluid connection of horse and rider. The other two riders in the arena stayed to one end: everyone made room when Diana Cavendish was riding.

She watched until long after the other riders had left the arena, until Diana had finally pulled a huffing Beatrix back up to a walk and released the reins to finally let her relax. She bent over the mare's neck, arms encompassing the thick muscle as she gave her a big hug and ruffled her short black mane.

"You came," Diana called, flashing a grin as she pulled Beatrix to a halt in the middle of the arena. White froth coated the mare's lips and mouth and sprinkled across the bottom of her neck and chest. She dipped her muzzle down and gnawed at the bit, tail swishing delicately behind her.

"Phrasing," Akko said, earning a blush that made her smile triumphantly as she slipped through the gate—banging her arm and "ow"ing, of course—and stumbled over to where Diana and Beatrix stood. "You guys look great."

"Thank you." Diana looked down at her mare, affectionately scratching at her withers as she readjusted her legs on the side of her polished saddle. She looked perfect as ever, her cheeks and lips flushed from the cold, eyes bright against her pale skin. Her wavy blonde hair fell gently between her shoulder blades, splaying across her back. Her leg muscles tensed beneath her tan breeches with each small movement.

She dropped the stirrups and slid off, landing with a puff of dust against the arena dirt and running up the stirrups as she began to unbuckle the girth. Steam rose from Beatrix's damp back as she pulled the saddle off, the metallic buckles of the girth clanging against the stirrups as she set it carefully to the side of the mounting block. Akko watched—Diana didn't usually remove the saddle until she was in the cross-ties—and her head cocked gently to the side as her girlfriend led the big mare to the mounting block.

Diana leveled her with flashing blue eyes, coughing into a closed fist and nodding to her mare. "This seems within reason, considering you did well on your test."

"Wait, really?" Akko asked. Her eyes widened as she glanced between Diana and her mare. She stepped forward, a slow smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. "You mean it?"

Diana nodded carefully, her jaw tense. She looked as though she might change her mind, so Akko quickly rushed forward and clambered up the mounting block. Beatrix was tall and Akko had to really stretch to get on comfortably without hurting her arm (which she did anyway) but once she had settled down on the warm, sweaty back, she sighed with relief and grinned. She reached for the reins.

"I'm not that generous," Diana said. She pulled her helmet off, setting it gently on the bottom step of the mounting block before climbing up.

A moment later, Akko felt Diana's warm body pressed up behind her on Beatrix's back. The mare stood quietly, accepting the two riders without complaint. Diana's arms slid around the sides of Akko's waist and took the reins, legs closing around a wide barrel for the mare to lurch into a long-strided walk.

"Aw, I could've ridden by myself," Akko mumbled. Though, she couldn't argue the comfort of the girl behind her, and her entire body relaxed into Diana's. She could feel warm breath bathing her neck, could smell the aged sweat of helmet mixing with the remnants Diana's perfume. The blonde said nothing, settling the reins in one hand as her other wrapped around Akko's abdomen and held her close. "This is nice, though," she admitted.

"Good," Diana whispered into her ear. She planted a kiss to Akko's neck and Akko could feel her smiling against the skin.

Akko smiled back, relishing in the the way the mare's stride rocked beneath her and closing her eyes as she leaned back against the offered support. She turned her head, pressing her face into the crook of Diana's neck and breathing deep, her hand closing around the leather fingers gripping at her waist. There was a tug in her chest, a burning fire that spread through her, and as her eyes flickered open and she looked up to find the side of Diana's face, at the gaze focused ahead with the hint of a smile on her lips, she felt something unfamiliar. Something... more.

* * *

Akko was not one for keeping secrets. While she may have been more tentative about some subjects based on the likelihood of the topic to a) embarrass herself or everyone around her, b) hurt somebody's feelings, or c) hurt herself in some way, the truth generally always came out in a way that usually included A and sometimes the addition of B and C. Her friends back home knew as much about her, and so secrets among the friend group were generally not indulged to Akko herself for fear of a leak.

She didn't blame them. She had a big mouth that spewed questionable content on the regular and, though she thought she may get better with age, this was not the case.

The longest secret she'd ever managed to keep in her life was her sexuality, and that was simply the result of the palpable fear of her family's rejection. Which hadn't been unfounded: her parents were traditional and, though relatively open-minded, did not accept certain things as indigenous to their culture. Homosexuality was one of those things, and the very idea of her parents not accepting her was a thought that made her blood run cold.

So when Akko was forcibly removed from the closet thanks to a nosy Okaasan, the reaction from her parents was ultimately one that she did not expect. A thousand ideas had gone through her head whenever she'd imagined coming out to her family: homelessness, therapy, disbelief, maybe the possibility of death itself if Otousan was in a particularly bad mood (that was a stretch, but her imagination tended to run wild). On the best of days, she let herself dream of her parents enclosing her in a massive hug and telling her that they loved her anyway, that the thought of someday having a daughter-in-law would be just as wonderful as a son-in-law.

The gut-lurching combination of sadness and complete disregard had not been on her chessboard. Akko was no stranger to failure: she failed tests, she failed whole classes sometimes, she failed friendships and at personal endeavors that usually went incomplete. She failed herself  _often._ And yet her parents had always reassured her that she was doing just fine, that she was resilient enough to get through it the next time or find another way to achieve what she wanted. Never once, not until that single day, did Akko feel as though she failed her parents.

But that day, she did.

It had been like a funeral. Her parents had not been angry, they had not been disbelieving. Nor had they been happy or accepting. No, they had  _mourned_ her: what they wanted for her, what they expected her to be, the future that they always pictured. That day, they laid to rest the Kagari Atsuko they had raised and in her place was Akko, the girl with the fatal flaw, the girl who had simply been pushed right back into the glass closet where everyone could see her, could mock her, but she couldn't leave. It had been like an unspoken agreement to just  _never_  speak of it again. The glass wall between them was clouded and tainted with avoidance, and as much as she tried, Akko couldn't see them clearly any longer through the haze.

It had been years since her sexuality had been mentioned. But she had  _met_  someone. Not just someone. She had met Diana Cavendish, the gorgeous heiress to one of the most prestigious veterinary practices in the  _world_ , the top rider at Luna Nova, one of the (if not  _the_ ) best Hunter riders in all of the UK. She was somebody to be proud of, and not just for her accomplishments but the very person she was. She was a secret that Akko could not keep.

And so she told her parents. She reached for them, pressed her hand up to that glass and called to them.

It had been late for her and much too early to be acceptable for her parents, but the thought was there along with the flame of courage and so she'd picked up her phone and dialed. She  _needed_  them to know. They were her parents, her family, the very source of the blood that ran through her veins and each breath that entered and left her lungs. If she couldn't tell them, what kind of person was she? What kind of daughter? What kind of girlfriend?

So when they answered after more rings than it usually took, with Okaasan asking a very confused, "Atsuko?", Akko had very quickly blurted:

"I have a girlfriend."

The line had grown silent. Silent for a very, very long time. So long, in fact, that Akko pulled the phone away from her ear just to make sure the call was still connected, that her mother was in fact on the other end.

Finally, Okaasan spoke. Her voice was quiet, and Akko got the distinct feeling that she was trying not to let Otousan hear the subject of their conversation. "Atsuko, this is not an appropriate time for this."

Akko's eyebrows furrowed and she curled her legs under herself on her bed, hunching over as she held the phone to her ear. "Then when  _is_  an appropriate time? We haven't talked about this once and I finally  _met_  someone. I want you to meet her—"

"Atsuko," Okaasan cut in, her voice sharp. "I would rather not discuss this."

"But-"

"Atsuko." Her name again, but it sounded like poison coming from Okaasan's mouth. "There will never be an appropriate time. We cannot stop the choices you make, but please do not involve us."

A lump filled Akko's throat as the familiar, metallic pang of fear stabbed her, hard and ruthless, as the silence grew once again. She didn't know what to say. It was the same thing that had happened before. It wasn't a rejection. It wasn't disbelief. It was... nothing. Akko was nothing to them.

"Goodbye, Atsuko," Okaasan said, and the call ended.

Akko's jaw clenched and rolled as she let the phone fall in her hand. She tossed it carelessly in front of her, watching as it thumped against the sheets, and simply stared at the Call Ended screen. She felt the urge to throw something, to pound on the wall, to smash through the glass closet that her parents had put up around her just because she wasn't what had wanted her to be. And what did it matter who she liked? Who she loved? What did that have anything to do with  _them_? It was her life to live, not theirs, not anybody else's.

She had pressed her hand up to that glass, had asked for release. Okaasan had looked at her and simply walked away.

She hit nothing, as was the usual choice she made. Instead, she curled in on herself. The tips of the fingers in her cast flexed over the fiberglass covered with the sentiments of her friends, pain shooting through her wrist at the sheer movement. Her other hand moved to grip the messy sheets of her bed and she pulled them into her fist. She squeezed her eyes shut, her shoulders rocking with silent sobs as she muttered a soundless sentiment through wet lips:  _Why am I wrong? Why am I wrong? Why am I wrong?_

_Why?_

And when the worst was over, when her stuttering and choked breath was nothing more than a rattle in her throat and the tears were more manageable and she wasn't tearing at the sheets as though they were at fault, she lifted her phone and dialed another number. The number of the person who accepted her, who didn't think she was wrong, who didn't put up barriers or hide her away in plain sight.

It was late. She was likely already in bed, likely on the verge of sleep if not already dreaming.

She answered quickly.

"Please come over," Akko heard herself whimper as soon as the line connected, half choking on the words themselves.

"I'll be right there," Diana said, her voice laced with sleep, and hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry updates are coming a bit slower than usual. I have a bunch of current projects and I'm writing about 10k words a day to include them as well.


	33. The Flight of the Filly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

It was late, past eleven, and Diana had been in the final stages of falling asleep. She was dangling on the precipice of darkness, ready to slip off in the next few breaths, when the sudden vibration of her mobile beneath her pillow startled her into consciousness. When her fumbling hand finally found it, she blinked at the name on the screen for a moment—Akko had said goodnight well over an hour ago—and answered it.

"Please come over."

There was a level of despair in her voice that Diana had never heard before. In an instant, she was throwing her sheets away from her body and yanking on a pair of sweatpants and her coat and slipping from her flat as quietly as she could so as not to wake Hannah and Barbara. Not that she cared if she did.

In hindsight, she really should have at least asked Akko what was wrong. Her mind ran with ideas as she jogged across campus, her keys jingling in the pocket of her coat and her phone clutched tight in her hand. What if she was hurt? What if something terrible had happened? The very thoughts, thoughts that only spiraled, only made her run faster, dodging around patches of black ice and ignoring the burn of cold at the back of her throat.

Akko was waiting for her behind the sliding glass doors that led to the dormitory, hugging herself with her one arm and shivering in just her white t-shirt and red shorts. Diana's breath hitched at the sight of her. Her usually bright eyes were sunken and sad, rimmed with red from crying, and her whole body seemed to sag.

"I'm sorry," she choked out when Diana rushed inside. She sniffled. "I know it's—"

Diana closed her arms tight around Akko, pulling her in without a second thought. She could feel the smaller girl's body go limp against her own, hand gripping at the back of her coat and clinging firm, grounding herself in the fabric, in Diana.

Akko's shoulders rocked with silent sobs as she held on and Diana only squeezed tighter, resting her chin against soft brown hair and staring straight ahead into the bright lights of the empty lobby, her blood cold with worry. She had never seen Akko like this. Even when she was upset she was usually composed. This was something new and she felt a throb of empathy as she ran her fingers through the other girl's hair.

She said nothing. What was there to say? She didn't even know what was  _wrong_.

"Stay tonight," Akko finally said as she pulled away, swiping at bloodshot eyes that were still wet from crying. "Please. I need you."

She hadn't brought anything. She had Nutrition at 8 a.m. and nothing to change into, none of her hygiene supplies. She'd have to wake up very early to get back to her own flat and get ready for the day.

_I need you._

She squeezed her eyes shut, a fresh wave of emotion washing through her as she gazed back into pleading red eyes. "Of course," Diana murmured. She pressed her lips to Akko's forehead and pulled her back in close.

Diana had never been in Akko's dorm before. In fact, she had never been in any of the dorms before. She'd had her flat with Hannah and Barbara since she started at Luna Nova and it was large and roomy, on the more expensive side of campus that usually housed young professionals who worked downtown.

It was tiny, opening into what barely even counted as a kitchen and a very small shared living space that had an old couch and a rather messy coffee table. Akko's room itself was barely bigger than her own closet, the full-sized bed taking up a majority of the room and a small desk occupying the rest. There was barely any wall showing through the amount of anime posters Akko had taped up everywhere. Her schoolbooks were tossed carelessly beside the old wooden desk, which held mostly half-empty water bottles and a fallen stack of manga. Clothes were everywhere. Akko clearly didn't believe in folding. Or organization at all, for that matter.

Not that Diana had expected anything else. The clutter was very Akko. It didn't bother her.

Her bed was small and the mattress was hard, but Akko's body was soft and the girl clung to her like Diana would disappear if she didn't hold on tight. Diana cradled her in her arms, feeling the warm breath coasting over her neck, wet eyelashes tickling her skin.

"What happened?" she finally asked, one hand sliding beneath Akko's shirt to rub at her lower back. After a moment, when Akko didn't speak, she added, "You don't have to tell me if you're not comfortable with it."

But Akko told her. About her parents, about coming out, about the years she spent being out but not quite, about the phone call with her mother and the hard rejection of reality. Akko choked up all over again as she spoke, her lips wet as they moved against Diana's neck, her fingers flexing against the sleeve of Diana's t-shirt.

Of all the milestones that their relationship could encounter, coming out had honestly not been something that Diana had considered. She had never even thought to  _ask_  Akko if she was out to her parents, if she was comfortable in her sexuality, if it was a sensitive topic. Akko had always just seemed so confident and sure of herself that it didn't even cross her mind.

She mentally scolded herself for being so dense and thoughtless while she listened, her jaw rolling as she stared up at the ceiling and rested her chin against Akko's warm forehead. It was rather egocentric of her to consider Akko might ever have it as easy as she did. After all, she never had to come out to her parents, and her Aunt cared so little that it was almost a non-issue entirely. The only thing Aunt Daryl cared about was the Cavendish name, which she considered to be unaffected so long as Diana was with somebody who she felt was worthy of that much.

That's not to say she didn't panic over it at the time. It was a big deal with Chloe, who pressured her into coming out, and she had gone through the mental and emotional turmoil that involved the possibilities of what could happen. She stood to lose nothing in assets as the business, facility, and estate had all been left to her in her mother's will. And it wasn't as though she had ever been close to her Aunt, but the idea of rejection was still there and very real. It had been a scary time.

But it had been an easy transition for her. One that she really never had the opportunity to be grateful for, because she didn't know anything else.

She should have asked Akko. It was an important topic that she failed to register.

In that moment, as she listened, she hated Akko's parents. She hated Akko's culture. She hated that Akko felt such extreme guilt over who she was, that she had spent years being who she wasn't because she had no other choice. A pang of sadness gnawed at her gut and she unconsciously squeezed Akko tighter.

"I'm sorry," she heard herself say when Akko was finished, when the girl's hitching breath had slowly steadied and the grip on her sleeve had relaxed against the skin of her bicep. It was extremely late, far too late for Diana's preference, but she wasn't tired.

"For what?" Akko asked. Her voice was quiet, husky from tears. "You didn't do anything."

"I'm sorry that you ever had to go through that," Diana clarified. "That you still have to go through it." And she was. There was obviously nothing she could do to fix it. The only thing she could do was be there. Listen. Be Akko's pillar of support in her moments of weakness.

She had no power over society, over culture, over hatred. Though she wished she did, especially when it came to something that hurt Akko.

She felt Akko shrug against her, shifting slightly so that her cast wasn't underneath her and was instead digging into Diana's thigh. It wasn't comfortable, but she didn't complain. Her fingernails traced up and down Akko's spine, slow and rhythmic. It was a cruel taunt that the only comfort she could provide was the exact touch that Akko's culture forbade.

They were silent for a long time. She honestly thought Akko had fallen asleep. Her breath was a steady pattern, her fingers still against her arm. But a whisper broke into the quiet, into the dark, and it filled Diana with so much pain that she had to squeeze her eyes shut to hold herself together.

"I wish I hadn't been born wrong," Akko said. "I wish I was normal."

Her jaw tensed and relaxed. Tensed and relaxed. Her chest clenched, hard, and she had to swallow to push away a sharp stab of hurt and the tears that stung the corners of her eyes.

Wrong.

She knew that Akko meant wrong in her culture, wrong in her parents' eyes. But she couldn't help but feel like Akko was calling  _her_  wrong, too. Their whole relationship. Everything. Wrong.

She had never in her life felt like anything was wrong with her until that moment and it was coming from the girl in her arms, the one person who everything felt so  _right_  with.

And it hurt. It hurt so much that the body against her didn't feel warm anymore, that every brush of Akko's fingers against her skin gave her a cold shiver of pain, made the cloud in her mind even thicker.

The very real possibility of being hurt again came flooding into her with a fresh wave of doubt, and she didn't know if she was strong enough to fight it off. The urge was there, the same one as before, relentless and overpowering, a shadow that consumed her mind just as it did before.

Diana suddenly wanted to run.

* * *

Diana did not go to her class in the morning. It was the first class she'd missed since the spring semester, when everything happened with Chloe and she missed an entire day because she couldn't find the strength to get out of bed. When she had done nothing but cry and plead for something, anything to make the pain go away.

She left Akko's dorm early in the morning, waking with the sun after a sleepless night with an urge to get away. Akko had still been in bed, tucked comfortably beneath the sheets that she'd somehow managed to hoard over the course of the night, but had eyed her through squinted eyes nonetheless.

"Are you alright?" she'd asked. "You seem off."

"Yes," Diana had lied, without a hint of emotion, and seen herself out.

She had walked slowly across campus, the chill of the morning a distant consideration to the thoughts that ran rampant through her mind. Students were already making their way across campus, either headed to the community center to get coffee or breakfast or maybe study for a morning exam. Any other day, she would have been embarrassed to be seen in public in sweatpants. She didn't care. Her feet carried her home without guidance, a forced movement through a funnel of confusion. She relied on muscle memory.

Diana laid in bed and stared at her alarm clock, at the red numbers that glared 08:03. She should have been in class, should have been taking notes for the upcoming Nutrition exam the next week. It was their last exam before finals and would be crucial for the comprehensive test that awaited at the end of the semester.

She didn't care.

Her chest hurt. Anxiety had made a home in her head, itching beneath her skin as she stared at the screen of her mobile.

Akko had texted her.

> _Akko 07:58_
> 
> _did u make it to class?_
> 
> _thanks for coming over :3_

Diana did not reply.

Instead, she'd flicked into the settings of her phone, into the page that held blocked numbers. A few were spam callers that she'd auto-blocked on reflex. But there, at the bottom of the list, was the number that she didn't think she would ever forget.

_071138432868_

**UNBLOCK | RETURN**

She unblocked it.

Her fingers hovered over the message option, unwilling to move for a long time, as the conversation from the night before ran through her head.

_I wish I hadn't been born wrong._

Diana pressed her heavy eyes shut, her breath shallow as she rolled her jaw and typed out the message. The gnawing pain forced her muscles to move, forced her mind to take her where she didn't want to go.

_I wish I was normal._

She sent it.

> _Diana 08:06_
> 
> _Did you ever think we were wrong?_

The reply came quickly. Like she had been expecting it the whole time.

> _Chloe 08:06_
> 
> _What do you mean?_

Her lips were chapped. Dry. She nibbled at the skin, her eyes glazed with a fresh sheen of tears as she burrowed further under her sheets and typed a response.

> _Diana 08:07_
> 
> _Us. You and me. Being gay. Being together._

She wasn't sure what hurt more: the response or the implications it had on her current state of mind, of her current desire to flee and not look back.

> _Chloe 08:08_
> 
> _Of course not._

She dropped the phone to the bed and picked up Mini Beatrix, staring at the little plush that looked just like the real Beatrix, at the yarn mane that was tangled from nights being held close, at the soft sheen of fur that was rumpled, at the glistening black beads for eyes that were often cold against her skin. A fresh wave of guilt, of sadness, of real and painful  _fear_  ran cold through her blood and she curled in on herself.

Chloe hadn't thought they were wrong together. And her heart had still been broken. She had still been tossed away like she didn't matter, like she was nothing more than garbage meant for the bin.

And Akko… thought they were wrong. That they weren't natural. That if she had any choice in the matter she wouldn't be with Diana, she'd be running into the arms of some guy and seeking solace in what she thought was normal and right and wouldn't think anything of it.

Who was there to stop her from doing that? Who was there to stop her from trying to seek out the normalcy that her parents craved? That her culture demanded? The burden was a heavy one to bear and Akko was clearly torn up about it.

Akko didn't say it outright. But it was there. It was behind those words, hidden beneath the weight of, "I wish I wasn't born wrong," and, "I wish I was normal."

She and Diana were  _wrong_. She and Diana were not  _normal_.

God, it hurt. Everything hurt.

Diana pushed Mini Beatrix away with a heaving sob, burying her beneath a pillow at the other end of her bed, and sank into her tear-soaked pillow instead.

Where a confident mare once stood, there was nothing but a flighty filly with fear quivering in her eyes, with her muscles tense and at the ready to move. It wasn't too late to run. She had space, she had distance, she could get away. The feelings were there and they were strong but they could still be fought, she could still break loose from the chains and just  _run_. Her mind was screaming for it, the ache in her body demanded it.

Everything was telling her to run. Run, Diana. Run.

* * *

Hannah and Barbara had asked her what was wrong numerous times throughout the day.

Was it Akko? Was it class? Was it Beatrix? Was it her family?

Every time, she lied.

"I'm fine."

Diana wasn't fine.

And she knew she looked like she wasn't. She could feel how ghostly pale her face was, could feel the dark bags that sank beneath her eyes, could feel the fog that had settled into her vision. Her stomach churned with hunger, but she couldn't eat. She couldn't focus, couldn't do anything but put her mind and body into automatic and coast through the day, coast through their lesson, coast through everything that her day demanded.

She felt numb. She  _was_  numb.

She couldn't even focus on Beatrix. Beatrix, who moved so gracefully beneath her, whose rhythm and stride drew her in like a good song. The mare who always seemed to get her out of slump, the mare she could get away on, the mare that just made everything  _better_.

But even Beatrix couldn't make anything better. Not today. Nothing could touch the searing pain that shot through Diana's core, the sadness that ate at her throbbing chest, the cells of fear that divided over and over again in her brain until her head was nothing more than the relentless burn of anxiety.

She had continued riding long after their lesson had ended.

"Are you sure?" Hannah had asked, one eyebrow raised suspiciously as she stared at Diana from atop Cello. "That was a pretty intense lesson…"

Barbara, too, had eyed her with scrutiny.

"I have a few things I'd like to work on," Diana had lied. She knew they didn't believe her. She knew they had an idea that something was very wrong. But she didn't want to talk about it. She didn't even want to  _think_  about it, and yet it was there, hungry and feasting.

And so she continued to ride. Though tired, Beatrix went on without complaint. Her flowing trot carried Diana in circles. Circle after circle after circle, around and around just like Diana's mind. She spaced out as she posted in rhythm, thinking little about her position or the effect of her seat on the mare below her. It came naturally. She stared straight ahead between the mare's ears, at the darkness that flooded the grounds of the stables and the flashing monotony of her surroundings.

It was all a blur.

The Games team was still practicing, as they usually did long after the Hunt team was over, and Diana had glanced over only once to see Akko leaning against the fence and watching the others ride, her attention focused solely on her teammates and the games. But she had only looked the one time, because the pain that came with the sight of Akko had been too much.

Run.

She urged Beatrix into a canter, sitting deep in the saddle and letting her hands relax at the mare's withers as she carried her forward. She cut across the diagonal and switched leads, feeling the swap of the legs beneath her as the large mare complied eagerly with her request. They moved in a figure eight, Diana asking for the flying change at the center of every diagonal, letting herself focus on the control that she had over what her mare was doing. She let her mind fade to black, to emptiness, to nothing, and simply rode.

She didn't know how long she cantered Beatrix, but by the time she finally brought her back down to a walk, she was heaving for air. She gratefully took the reins, stretching her neck forward as she let out a series of coughs. Steam rose from her drenched neck, vapors poured from her nostrils. The extra work wouldn't hurt her. It would simply serve as conditioning. Diana didn't have it in her to feel bad: that would take her mind to break free of the shackles that she was currently under, to actually think, to actually feel.

Diana breathed hard through her nose as she let her mare walk, the reins limp in her fingers and her legs dangling from the stirrups. She focused on the bounce of the black mane, on the thick hair that brushed at her hands, at the ears that twitched and swiveled. If Beatrix knew that something was wrong with her rider, she didn't show it. She carried on, business as usual, ever reliable and wanting nothing more than to please.

A voice called to her. It was white noise, familiar but dim, nothing but static. She didn't respond because it didn't register.

It called again.

She looked up.

"Dianaaa!"

Akko was waiting at the gate, one foot propped up as she leaned into it and watched. She looked cold in her coat, her face red from the sting of the wind and a bomber hat that Diana had never seen pulled low over her forehead and ears. Brunette hair draped around the sides of her face, cascaded over her shoulders and back. She looked so pretty. It only made Diana hurt more.

She gathered the reins and brought Beatrix to a halt in the center of the arena, turning away as Akko slid in through the fence and started walking towards her. Slinging her leg over the saddle, she slowly eased herself to the ground and fixed her breeches, letting the feeling of the ground come up to her as she adjusted her center of gravity. By habit, she began to fix her stirrups and Beatrix's girth.

"Hey!" Akko said as she neared. There was a bright smile that coasted across her lips when Diana looked up. "Did you lose your phone or something? I texted you a couple times today…" she trailed off, reaching up to rub at the back of her head as her smile turned sheepish. "Or if you were busy with class and stuff… I'm sorry if I was bothering you."

"I have my phone," Diana said simply. "I'm sorry."

"Oh. Okay."

Akko looked confused, dark eyebrows knitting together as she studied Diana's face. She closed the gap, leaning in to plant a chaste kiss on her mouth. Her lips felt cold against Diana's, a fleeting touch that only made her jaw clench tighter as she looked down. She did not return the kiss.

"I wanted to say thanks… for coming over last night," Akko said, reaching out to gently close a hand around the sleeve of Diana's coat. "It meant a lot. I'm sorry I was such a mess."

A current of guilt surged through her blood. Her mind ached with her body. Her breath came shallow and labored, a burn working its way through her cheeks as she swallowed hard and raised her eyes to meet the bright crimson red that she wanted to fall into. She didn't. She felt her own eyes glaze as she pushed that desire away.

"Are you okay?" Akko asked, cocking her head gently to the side as her grip tightened. "And don't ask for a quid. I don't have one. But you're acting kinda funny." She chuckled, lowering her arm and shoving her hand into the pocket of her coat. Her broken wrist rested in its sling against her chest. She shivered, noticeably. Diana wanted to wrap her up and keep her warm, but she knew she couldn't. There was no fire inside of her. Only cold, only dark, only hurt.

"No," Diana admitted. She rolled her bottom lip between her teeth and looked to Beatrix, her grip tightening on the reins as her mare looked back. There was strength in those brown eyes, strength that Diana didn't have, and so she fed off it.

"What's… what's wrong?" Akko's voice was hesitant, scared. "Did I do something?"

"No," Diana replied. She  _hadn't_ done anything. She had only been Akko. Wonderful, sweet, kind Akko. Akko who smiled through pain and laughed freely, Akko who was courageous and resilient and so many other things that Diana couldn't even begin to list them all. And, to be honest, if she did… it would just hurt.

Akko shifted on her feet, red eyes searching Diana's face. "Then what's wrong?"

"I, um…" she trailed off, squeezing her eyes shut as she summoned courage through the torrent of smoke inside that was making everything so very hard to see, hard to hear, hard to feel. "I can't do this."

"Do… what?" Akko was starting to look alarmed. Her gaze had grown frantic, darting from Diana's eyes to the neutral frown. "What are you talking about? You're kinda scaring me."

She squeezed the leather of the reins between her fingers, met Akko's eyes, and said, "I can't be with you."

All at once, the color drained out of Akko's face. She blinked back, as though clearing her vision, as though she'd just sprinted full speed into a brick wall and was trying to right herself. Her voice came out a stammer, a whisper. "W-what?"

"I can't… I can't be with you," Diana repeated. Her mouth tasted metallic and she thought she might be sick. She took a deep breath and looked away. "I'm sorry, Akko." She could feel the fresh sheen of tears sliding across her eyes, streaking hot and wild down her cheeks.

"Diana?" Akko squeaked. "What?"

She didn't respond. She couldn't. She couldn't see Akko like this, couldn't handle it. God, she was so bloody weak, she couldn't even look at what she'd done. She sucked in a long, quivering breath of air and started to walk off.

Beatrix lingered a moment, her muzzle reaching towards Akko, a quiet snort rolling from her nostrils with a puff of visible air. Diana watched her mare briefly, swallowing the pain, choking on the regret and the desire to just turn around and take Akko into her arms, to kiss her, to be with her, and tugged the reins. Beatrix turned and followed her owner.

She would always be that flighty filly. The filly that stood ready to run, ready to bolt, ready to flee from anything that threatened to harm her. She wasn't strong enough to be anything more, she wasn't strong enough to stand in the face of fear and rally. Loneliness was a constant, the theme that was Diana Cavendish. For so long she had let people force it upon her, had been shoved back into that darkness at the hands of another be it by nature or by choice.

Diana would not let another person have that power. If it was to be, it would be at her own hands.

She was scared. And so she turned, ever the frightened filly, and fled, leaving Akko standing, unmoving and shocked and silent, in the middle of the arena.  She didn't look back.

She ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to akko: i am even more sorry


	34. The Cliff of Whitchurch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you are in a bad place and the last chapter affected you greatly, do not read this until you are in a better place mentally. (no, there's no harm or violence or anything)
> 
> if you're a masochist: night riots- as you are

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

Void. That's the only way she could describe how she felt.

She felt like something had been ripped out of her chest. There was a hole, a gaping wound on the inside that flooded with pain, a glacier in her chest that branched through her body and turned everything to an ice cold ache. There was nothing in the world she had ever experienced even close to this—even when her cat Mana died two years ago—and she honestly felt like something heavy was sitting on her lungs and she couldn't  _breathe._

Akko sagged into her bed, her arm dangling uselessly off the side as she stared at nothing. Her eyes were wet and swollen from crying and every time she thought she had nothing left, more came. Hot tears streaked over the side of her face, dripping off the bridge of her nose and onto her already soaked pillow.

The sheets felt hot and suffocating around her but she didn't bother to remove them. There was no point. Comfort wouldn't come no matter where she was, no matter what she did. The choice of how she decided to suffer was the only one she had at this point and she honestly didn't care anymore to exercise the only cruel right she was given.

Her lips, chapped and dry from the salt that had leaked over them, pursed as she pressed her eyes closed and let a new wave of sobs rack her body. She wanted everything to be a nightmare. A terrible, horrible nightmare that would go away when she woke up, that would disappear forever and Diana would still be hers and maybe it would even be the previous night and she would wake up in her arms—

Sleep was the only relief, but every time she woke it was worse than before. When reality slammed into her and she felt sick to her stomach and wanted to retch but there was nothing inside because she hadn't eaten, because she couldn't tell if the gnawing pain inside her was hunger or heartbreak and she knew she couldn't eat if she tried, anyway. She didn't want to do  _anything_. She didn't want to move, she didn't want to get up. Even going to the bathroom was too much of an effort and she would stare at herself in the mirror, at her swollen and red eyes and the visible path that the tears had left down her face, at the messy brown hair that she hadn't bothered to brush.

At the girl who no one wanted.

And she would curl over the sink and cry into the void, into the empty, into the nothing.

She hadn't gone to any of her classes. She didn't care. There was no way that she could pick herself up and go to class, there was no way she could gather the energy to compose herself for fifty minute blocks out of the day. And she had Hippotherapy. The  _last_ thing she needed to see was Diana, because she knew she would fall apart at the seams.

She had so many questions and there were no answers. Had she done something? Had she said something? Did she kiss that bad? Was she that awful at sex? Was she too stupid, was she too talkative, was she too friendly or maybe not friendly enough or maybe she wasn't pretty enough or she didn't dress well enough or she wasn't a good enough rider or maybe she  _embarrassed_  Diana because everyone knew she embarrassed herself often enough-

Every single thought that ran through her head hurt more and more and more and more and she just wanted to  _scream._

She didn't. Screaming required energy. She had none. She melted into the hot sheets and wept.

Everything hurt.

Everything hurt.

 _Everything hurt_.

She had never felt so disconnected and alone in her life. Her feelings for Diana were so painfully strong that everything just amplified tenfold and she felt like something was crawling inside her, pulsing from the outside in and crushing her.

Her phone blinked with messages, but not any that she wanted. She wanted Diana. She wanted Diana to message her and tell her that she still liked her and it was a mistake, that she didn't want to break up at all, that she wanted Akko to come over and they would cuddle and be together just like normal. But there was nothing. Diana hadn't messaged her since the day Akko had called her parents:

 

> _Diana 9:57_
> 
> _Goodnight, beautiful._

She wished that maybe there was a mean message somewhere. A message where Diana was telling her that she didn't want her. A message of Diana saying that she didn't want to  _be_  with her. But no, that was the last message, the last painful message that made Akko's head pound and cloud, made her beg for mercy between her clenched teeth until her bones rattled.

"Akko."

Lotte's quiet voice came from outside her door, followed by the gentle raps of her knuckles. Akko rolled her jaw and swallowed hard, fingers wrapping around her sheets and clenching.

"Go away," she croaked. Her voice was hoarse and deep and nothing she recognized.

The door opened anyway, just as Akko expected it would despite her cry to be left alone. Lotte slid in, shutting it behind her as she stepped up to Akko's bed and knelt. She reached out and placed a hand on Akko's shoulder, but it was nothing more than a bitter breeze to an iceberg, a thorn prick to a stab wound. Akko flinched away.

"Akko, I know you're upset, but you've got to get up and eat something."

Her voice was kind and soft, a desperate attempt to soothe and Akko knew that, but at the same time it was like grating metal to her ears. She licked her lips—they were coated in the thick film of disuse—and opened her mouth to let out a heavy sigh. "I'm not hungry."

"We have to go to the barn soon, too," Lotte murmured. Her bed sank beneath the weight of her roommate as she sat down beside her. She was hesitant as she continued, frowning as she gazed down at the side of Akko's face. "… Diana's supposed to ride Chariot tonight."

Akko whimpered at the name, her jaw aching as she ground her teeth together. "What did I do?" she choked, a new torrent of tears flooding her eyes. She rolled over onto her back, feeling a fresh stab of pain. "What did I do, Lotte?"

"Honey, I don't think you did anything."

Akko felt fingers threading through her greasy hair. "Then why?"

Lotte sighed. "I don't know," she whispered. "Sometimes things don't make sense."

"But I want it to make sense," Akko moaned. Her throat was so dry. She thought of kissing Diana, of cuddling in close to her warm body, of the strong arms that had wrapped around her not even 48 hours ago. "I want it to make sense. Why can't it? What's wrong with me?"

"I don't know," Lotte said again, a lost echo of a sentiment in the hollow realm that was Akko's mind. "I don't know."

* * *

Everything felt like nothing.

That was the only way Akko could think to describe it. Food tasted like nothing, Chariot felt like nothing, her friends words were nothing. She was completely numb. A moving, walking, breathing lifeform that simply existed and nothing else. She'd seen Diana once, only because she'd chanced a look to the girl's seat in Hippotherapy when she finally got up to go to classes. Her blonde hair fell limp around a pale face that looked gaunt and tired, her whole being cast in a shadow. She hadn't even looked up. Akko had sat in her old seat, the one by the window where she could see the football players, but she didn't even care to look. She didn't want anybody else. She wanted Diana and she wished she didn't because Diana didn't want  _her_.

It had hurt just to see her and Akko had fought nausea for the rest of the class as Finnelan's voice droned like static at the front of the room.

Akko was empty inside. A shell of who she usually was. She didn't understand because before Diana she was fine with being alone, she was okay in her solitude and would find comfort and happiness in her friends or in her own hobbies. But now she  _couldn't_. Loneliness was her keeper and she couldn't escape.

Hannah had ridden Chariot for her on Diana's day.

Akko didn't go to the barn. She couldn't go. Lotte had simply given up trying and later Sucy had brought her one of those disgusting kale smoothies and told her to drink it, that it was good for her, that a little bit of food would make her feel better.

She didn't drink it.

Akko let Amanda drag her out. Well, not let. She had fought it every step of the way: the shower that her friends had basically pushed her into, the clothes that they'd set out for her to wear, getting her out of the house and to Last Wednesday Society through the cold and sleet. Akko had simply trudged along robotically, her legs moving automatically beneath her as she tagged along by the redhead's side. Sucy and Lotte had stayed back at the dorm. They said they needed to study, but Akko knew they were tired of dealing with her and wanted time alone from the pit of despair that had taken residence in their dorm.

She was tired of dealing with herself, too, but there was no way out. There was only forward, as Sucy told her, and she would have to carry on until everything was okay again.

But how could things be okay again?

She was in the shadows once more, the darkness that was Akko Kagari's second attempt at romance and second experience with failing wholly and completely. Though this was  _clearly_  far worse than the first. She had thrown herself into Diana Cavendish wholeheartedly and without hesitation because she wanted her, because there was something there, something strong, and she  _still_  felt it even though she didn't  _want_  to and even though it  _hurt_  like somebody had a knife in her back and was wrenching it, day and night, minute after minute. A constant haunt of memories: kissing Diana for the first time, curling up with her and feeling her muscles tense in fear at dumb horror movies, the look in her eyes when they made love for the first time, like there was nobody else those blue eyes wanted to fall on—

Akko stared at her still very full pour of lager, her reflection a wavy blur in the golden liquid. Amanda sat quietly by her side, holding her own drink and staring straight ahead. There was an anxious air between them, unspoken thoughts and sentiments that she knew Amanda wanted to express but Akko didn't really want to hear, and so she embraced that awkward quiet because at least it was something new to the pain of crying alone in bed.

She brought the cold pint glass to her lips and took a sip. It tasted like nothing.

"How are you holding up?" Amanda asked finally. Akko looked over to find the other girl studying her, the normal spark of mischief in her green eyes gone and replaced instead with worry.

Akko shrugged. Her shoulders rolled in and she hunched over in her seat, placing her casted arm up on the bar and staring at it. Her eyes fell on where Diana had written her name in her perfect handwriting with a heart next to it and her lips quivered. She pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth and choked everything down.

Somebody slid into the bar stool on the other side of her. She looked up.

It was Hannah.

"Hey, Akko," she said softly, a sad smile edging across her face. Hazel eyes darted over to Amanda in a silent greeting before returning to her. "How are you?"

Akko started crying.

She couldn't help it, she didn't want to, but seeing Hannah—Diana's roommate and friend—was too much for her to hold it in any longer. She shoved her pint glass away and brought her hand up to her eyes, pinching into the corners and wrinkling her nose in an attempt to stop. She just wanted some relief from everything. Just one painless moment, that's all she wanted, that's all she was asking for and yet she still couldn't  _get_  that.

An arm closed around her shoulders and Hannah was pulling her in, pulling her close. She could sense the bartender staring at her but he turned and walked down to the end of the bar out of respect. She appreciated that.

"She's an idiot," Hannah murmured. Warm breath coasted over her damp cheeks and she swallowed hard, forcing the tears back to where they belonged, dammed behind her eyes for a later time. "She's a bloody idiot, Akko."

"I'm sorry," Akko wheezed. She swiped at her eyes with her sleeve and lifted her beer, choking it down on long gulps. "I'm sorry," she said again when she put it back on the coaster.

"Don't be sorry," Amanda said. She looked out of place, like she didn't really know how to provide comfort, and she probably didn't. Amanda wasn't good at that kind of thing. But where she left off, Hannah picked up, and she sank gratefully into the other girl's arm and stared down at a life ring in the wooden bar. "No one expects you to feel alright."

A quiet. Shuddering breaths. Every noise in the background of the pub grated at her ears.

"Has she said anything to you?" Akko finally heard herself whisper. She looked up, searching Hannah's gaze for some kind of answer. She had never been this up close to the other girl. Her eyes were flecked with gold and a constellation of freckles scattered over her nose. Her thick auburn hair looked soft and wavy. Kind of like how Diana's was. Maybe they used the same shampoo. Akko moved back a little bit so she wouldn't smell it.

Hannah shook her head. "No," she said. She waved to the bartender for a beer when he came over—well, when he realized Akko was done crying (at least so rambunctiously)—and he nodded before pouring. "She hasn't spoken to anybody."

"I wish she would talk to me," Akko whimpered. She felt for her phone in her pocket and plucked it out, dropping it onto the bar and staring at the screen. The screen that still held Diana and Chariot as her background picture. She hadn't the heart to change it. If she changed it everything was real. If she changed it Diana was gone, Diana truly  _wasn't_  hers anymore. If she changed it, she was alone.

"I know," Amanda said. She placed a hand on Akko's knee and squeezed. "I want to kick her ass for you."

Akko frowned. She took another sip of her drink and sat up straighter just so her back wouldn't hurt so badly. Her muscles were sore and aching from the amount of crying and shaking she'd been doing, not to mention lying in bed for so long.

"I'll kick her ass for everybody if she ever comes out of that bloody room," Hannah grumbled.

"I don't want to do that." Akko sniffled and curled her lip in a deep frown. "I just want her back."

"You could try messaging her," Hannah suggested. "She won't talk to us, but it's been a while and maybe she'll be ready to offer some kind of explanation."

"What am I supposed to say?" Akko asked. She shoved her still damp hair behind her ear and clenched a fist as she stared at her phone. "I've never done any of this."

"Just ask if you can talk," Amanda said. Akko did not miss the half-smile she sent in Hannah's direction. "Sometimes that works."

Akko nodded. It was worth a shot. It was better than sitting around doing nothing while the unknown feasted on her sanity. If she  _knew_  what she did wrong, if she  _knew_  what Diana was thinking, maybe she could fix it. She was good at fixing things. She flicked open the messages with Diana, pushing away the ache that gnawed at her unanswered messages from days before, and typed.

 

> _Akko 7:51_
> 
> _Hi._
> 
> _Can we talk?_

Amanda nodded. "Yeah. Like that." She frowned and exchanged another look with Hannah.

Akko clutched her phone in her hand as though it was her lifeline, staring at the screen and watching as dots flashed across the bottom. They stopped and started again, multiple times, and she felt an ice cold chill course through her veins when they finally ceased for good.

"She's not going to message me back," Akko said. She gnawed at her lip and glanced between Amanda and Hannah. She felt dead behind her own eyes. Empty, sunken, trapped somewhere she didn't want to be at all. Her chest ached and even the air she breathed was like poison that spread with every second she had to live in her own nightmare. She closed her eyes and took a deep, shaky breath.

Her phone vibrated.

 

> _Diana 7:55_
> 
> _I can't right now._

"I'm going to fucking kill her," Hannah exclaimed, a little too loudly, and other patrons at the bar turned to stare at them. "You're amazing, Akko, and she doesn't even deserve you. I'm going to rip her heart out for you and shove her face in it—"

"Han." Amanda's voice was stern, but soft. "That's enough." For once, the wily redhead was the voice of reason. Akko was grateful. "Sometimes things take time. I think you and I both know that. Akko, how about another beer?" We can just chill and talk about something else."

But Akko was crying again, her phone clutched tight in her clammy palm as the words of the text blurred with the tears in her eyes. All she could manage to choke out was, "I think I want to go home now," even though she didn't know where home was anymore.

* * *

Akko did not want to go to the Hunter/Jumper show.

She did not want to be anywhere near Diana Cavendish. She didn't want to have to see her, have to hear her voice, have to breathe the same air. But she was on the Jump team and she had to support them. Miss Callistis had made that much obvious, unrelenting to Akko's situation with her broken wrist. Though it wasn't all for naught, because at least her instructors had talked her professors into giving her extra credit in each course for the weekend. A few points tacked onto a final grade was something she desperately needed.

But she still didn't think it was worth it, especially from where she was standing.

There was pain that she could take even if it weighed her down to where she could barely keep going. And then there was suffering that was off the menu and made walking off the edge of a cliff far more appealing. There was misery that was reserved for people who deserved it, and Akko was beginning to wonder who she hurt along the way.

 

The four hour van ride to the Whitchurch show grounds had been some distraction, at least for some of the time. The Jump team girls were loud and rambunctious, chatting animatedly and passing jokes freely between them. Akko had let herself laugh a couple times, but only because she felt like she had to, only when she could force herself to briefly rise from the hole she was in. Otherwise, she sank against the window and played her music so loudly that she knew the other girls had to hear it. She didn't care—it was a noise in her head that wasn't her own thoughts—and so she'd cranked the volume so high it hurt.

At least Diana wasn't in the van. She drove, as she usually did. Occasionally Akko could see the reflection of her car in the window and she would shrink away and instead focus on Mary or Wangari or Miss Callistis. Anything to avoid, anything to get away.

Diana had not texted her since the night before when she said she couldn't talk. Akko did not try again. And that's not to say that she didn't want to because she  _did_ , she wanted to so badly that it throbbed inside of her.

This was uncharted territory. This was somewhere Akko had never been and never wanted to return to.

As the beat of music thrummed in her ears, the ability to hold off her own paralyzing thoughts began to fade. And then she was there again: standing in the middle of the arena, talking to Diana for what she was beginning to think would be the last time she ever would.

She had been excited to see her. Sure, Diana hadn't replied to her texts all day, but the other girl had a fairly busy schedule and Akko was not all that demanding. Maybe something had happened to her phone, maybe she had just forgotten to respond altogether. That was okay, it happened.

The night before had been bad but Diana had been warm and sweet and Akko had fallen asleep in her arms comfortable and at home. Okaasan's words had all but been forgotten when she was being held tight and there was no place that she would have rather been than with Diana. With the girl who made her heart pound that little bit faster, with the girl who made her chest throb with affection.

Just Diana's name on her tongue tasted sweet and it dripped from her lips like summer rain.

Beneath the golden floodlights of the arena, Diana didn't look like she felt well. Akko thought she might be sick. Maybe she'd caught a cold, maybe she'd eaten something bad or was tired because Akko had kept her up late and made her get up early. But she was still beautiful, she was still Diana, she was still the one person she couldn't wait to see.

She wanted to thank her. Maybe see if she wanted to go out for a drink or maybe just go cuddle for a bit. For all Akko cared, they could stand there in the middle of the arena in the freezing cold and just be together. It didn't matter.

"Are you okay?" she'd asked after Diana hadn't returned her kiss. Maybe she really  _was_  sick. Her eyes were heavy with dark half-moons and her face looked pale and sharp. "And don't ask for a quid," she'd joked, hoping to crack a smile. "Because I don't have one. But you're acting kinda funny."

Diana had frozen. She was staring at Akko as though she was dead behind the eyes, as though she was looking  _through_  her and not at her. It was disconcerting and Akko was filled with the sudden sense of dread. It ran, cold but burning all the same, through her blood, loud in her ears and dense at the back of her throat.

"No," Diana said. Her voice was quiet and not all there, as though she had disconnected completely.

"What's… what's wrong?" Akko asked. Diana was making her nervous and she shifted uncomfortably, her eyebrows stitching together as she tried to get a read on her girlfriend. She was thinking the worst. Something happened back home, something with her family or the business.

Had  _she_  said or done something wrong? She couldn't remember. Diana hadn't mentioned anything and it wasn't like they had argued. "Did I do something?"

"No," Diana had repeated. Akko wanted to sigh with relief, wanted to sink back into Diana's arms and laugh for thinking that she had done something and then find out the real reason behind how strange Diana was acting. But the look on her face told her that wasn't exactly the case. It  _was_  about Akko. She swallowed hard, fear edging the corners of her vision.

"Then… what's wrong?" she asked slowly. Beatrix was standing quietly beside Diana, her tail swishing as she watched the two girls interacting. Even  _she_  looked uncertain.

"I, um…" Diana shut her eyes and took a long, deep breath. "I can't do this."

The words were empty in the air between them, hollow as they dripped from Diana's lips. Surely she wasn't talking about  _them_. Maybe it was riding, or the show, or something else…

"Do… what?" Akko asked. She searched Diana's face for an answer, her heart hard and painful as it started slamming mercilessly against her chest. Her muscles had started to quiver and ache, and not from the cold. "What are you talking about? You're kinda scaring me."

Ice cold eyes. That's all Akko could focus on as they stared into her own, emotionless and so very…  _gone_. This wasn't her Diana. This was somebody else entirely.

"I can't be with you."

The world was spinning beneath her feet. Her breath got stuck in her throat and she had to remind herself to breathe, to swallow, to stay standing entirely. She blinked back at the other girl, wondering if that was really what she had just heard, waiting for Diana to burst into laughter and tell her it was a joke. Not that Diana ever joked like that—she was deadpan and unreadable at times but not cruel—and so Akko had only managed to choke out a barely there, "W-what?"

"I can't… I can't be with you."

Diana was crying. Tears were streaking down her face. How had she not noticed Diana was crying? Had she even  _been_  crying this whole time? Was she  _herself_  crying? Because she couldn't tell, she suddenly couldn't feel anything but the throbbing inside her and the noise in her head as Diana said, "I'm sorry, Akko."

"Diana," Akko breathed, staring in disbelief. "What?"

But she got no answer.

There was  _no answer_  and Diana was walking away, Diana was leaving, Diana was  _gone_  and Akko was just standing there so uselessly while everything in the world melted away and it was just her and she wanted to  _scream_  because this couldn't possibly be reality. Everything was good, everything had been  _fine_  and Diana had come over and held her and comforted her and now the last person that she'd ever pegged to hurt her, the last person that she'd ever pegged to just  _leave_ her like that had just shattered her entire world into a million pieces and she was left behind to pick them up and try to put them back together—

How do you put something like that back together?

Where do you start, where do you go, where do you  _end_  if not right back at the beginning?

The warmth had flooded away until there was only cold and Akko shrank into it. She disappeared into the void that had suddenly swallowed her whole, she caved beneath the crushing weight of reality and the hand that life had just dealt her.

 

She thought it couldn't get worse.

But now, as she stood and stared into the room that she was expected to stay in for the weekend, the room that she was expected to just get through every agonizing moment that she had come to find were strung by seconds into minutes into hours into days, moments that went by in a blurry haze, it was worse.

Who had roomed her with Diana?

This was a cruel joke. This wasn't happening. There was no  _way_  she was going to spend the weekend right beside the very reason that her heart felt like it was going to explode, the very reason her head ached from crying and the very reason she was  _still_  crying. She couldn't sleep next to that, she couldn't  _breathe_  next to that.

This was the kind of suffering that she couldn't handle, that she wasn't  _equipped_ to handle,

but the only cliff in Whitchurch was the one right in front of her, and it was not at all the one she wanted to throw herself off of.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the feedback on the last chapter was absolutely incredible, thanks to everyone who took the time to leave a comment. i know i'm hurting you guys right now and we're in a dark place but there is _always_ a light at the end of the tunnel and we will get there.
> 
> love you all.
> 
> \- lux
> 
> ETA: yes, i am in fact dead inside after writing this


	35. Displaced Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one actually broke me, so... keep that in mind.

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

"You are a bloody idiot, Diana Cavendish, and don't let anybody ever tell you otherwise!" Hannah shrieked as she burst, unannounced, into Diana's room. The doorhandle ricocheted off the wall, leaving a very large dent that Diana would have been upset about had she not been upset about  _other_  things. She looked up from where she was bent over her notebook, where the notes she'd taken a week ago—a week ago when her world wasn't upside down—blurred into black.

She blinked at Hannah, whose cheeks were red from both cold and fury. Her auburn hair was wild around her face and she was ripping off her overcoat as she stepped forward. "Pardon?"

"Why the hell did you break up with Akko?" Hannah growled, tossing her coat onto Diana's bed—which had gone unmade for days—and folded her arms over her chest.

Diana did not feel like having this conversation. She was tired, so tired, and she had spent the better part of the night just staring at the same page of notes while her mind replayed the same reel of breaking up with Akko over and over again. "I don't want to talk about it, Hannah," she mumbled. Her voice edged around the thick mass of sadness that had been stuck in her throat for days. "Could you leave me alone, please?"

"No!"

Hannah threw herself down on Diana's bed, staring around the room at the clutter and the general disorder that was so atypical for the Cavendish. "What a bloody mess," she cursed. Diana followed her eyes to the multiple glasses of full water, because she didn't feel like drinking but if she did she didn't want to drink  _old_  water, and the clothes that she'd shed out of and just left on the floor. Hazel eyes leveled with her own once more and Diana felt the urge to shrink beneath the glare. She tensed her jaw and remained as stoic as she could muster.

"You have  _wrecked_ that girl, Diana," Hannah huffed. The muscles of her jaw were tensing with anger. "She is as much a bloody mess as this room."

Diana said nothing. She rolled her tongue in her mouth and looked down at her hands, which were fidgeting against the bottom of her shirt in thought. She had seen Akko in Hippotherapy, had stared at the back of her head the entire lesson and let the combination of guilt and desire gnaw away until she felt sick to her stomach and had to excuse herself before the end of the lesson.

She hadn't looked well. In fact, she looked sick and frail and nothing like the happy-go-lucky Akko that she knew so well. Diana pursed her lips and fought back the mist in her eyes.

"You owe her an explanation," Hannah said, her voice sharp as she glowered at Diana with flashing eyes. She sounded like a mother and Diana couldn't help but feel like she was being lectured. Her arm shot up and she jabbed a pointed index finger into Diana's bicep. Diana flinched away. "Get your shit together, Cavendish, because this  _not_  who you are and I don't know what's going on in that ridiculously intelligent brain of yours, but it's nothing smart and I can tell you that much. That girl cares about you a  _lot_ , so if you're worried about another Chloe-"

"The hell is going on in here?" Barbara grumbled as she stumbled into the room. Her black hair was askew, tangled on the side of her head, and a few lines from the couch were indented into her cheek from where she'd fallen asleep watching trash television. "You guys are so loud."

"Has she even told you she broke up with Akko?" Hannah snapped, whirling to face their third roommate. "Because I had to find out from Amanda  _today._ "

Barbara frowned, eyebrows knitting together. Diana quickly looked away and chewed at the inside of her cheek, a terrible habit that she couldn't quell through her current anxiety. "Well, yeah, she told me yesterday. How are you feeling, Diana?"

Diana didn't look up. She turned in her chair and hunched over her desk, staring at the mobile that was still lit up with her exchange with Akko.

 

 

> _Akko 19:51_
> 
> _Hi._
> 
> _Can we talk?_

 

 

 

> _Diana 19:55_
> 
> _I can't right now._

What was she supposed to  _say?_

She was in that horrible stage where she regretted everything, where she missed Akko so badly that she wanted to just run to her dorm and tackle her into a massive hug and hold her tight and tell her that she was wrong, she was so  _bloody_ wrong and she'd made a huge mistake-

But she'd already done it.

And she did it for a reason, a reason that had haunted her from the moment she met Akko. She was scared of the pain, she was scared of the hurt, she was deathly scared of falling in love.

And as soon as she felt it, she found a reason. And she ran.

She wanted to disappear, she wanted to fade from existence, to step out of her window and into the sleet and just disappear into a fog of nothing. But she couldn't. She had to live with what she'd done. With what she'd done to Akko.

But it was for the best. If she'd waited, Akko would just be deeper. She would be deeper. She'd spared Akko as much as she could because she didn't want the other girl to deal with her being scared, with her being ready to run at the drop of a hat. It wasn't  _fair_.

So she did what she thought was best.

Hannah and Barbara were arguing behind her. She laced her fingers together, digging her nails into her knuckles, and stared hard at the text messages while she worked her jaw and tried very hard to stay composed.

"Sometimes you have to do what's best for you," Barbara growled from where she stood at the door.

"And Akko wasn't what's best for her?" Hannah yelled back. "Are you joking, Barbs? You were right there with me the whole way trying to get them together!"

"But that doesn't mean she's  _ready."_

Their voices were like nails on chalkboard, like the screeching of metal against metal, and it hurt so much.

"She'll never be ready if she doesn't take the plunge! Akko is incredible, Diana's just a bloody idiot!"

She couldn't do it anymore. She flew up so fast that her chair slammed into the side of her desk and fell over as she whirled. "I get it. You don't have to point out what I already know. I am a bloody idiot." Her voice was raising in a way that she didn't like, in a way that she was usually able to control. But she didn't want to, there was no need, there was so much inside that just needed to get  _out_. "I'm well aware I'm the villain here. But do you know how-" She took a deep, shuddering breath, very much conscious of the tears that were leaking out of her eyes. "Do you know what it's like to lose your mother? Do you know what it's like to lose your father? Do you know how it feels to have your heart ripped out of your chest time and time again?" She picked up her chair, just because she had to, just for something to do with her hands. "So shoot me if I don't want it to happen again. So  _shoot_  me if I'm bloody  _terrified_  that Akko's going to do the same thing-"

"You're so stupid. I can't do this," Hannah hissed, launching to her feet and throwing her hands in the air. "You run and you run and you run and you expect for everything to just be cut and dry when it's handed to you. Well guess what, Diana, life is a game of risk and if you never take that risk you never get  _anything_."

"Coming from you!" Diana's nose twitched in distaste as she jabbed a finger at Hannah. "If I recall, you're the one who ran away from your own feelings for Amanda. What room do you have to talk?"

"Guys..." Barbara was saying, her voice quiet and timid as her roommates threw words at each other.

"And I admitted I was a giant idiot and actually  _did_  something about it!" Hannah's face was red with fury and her watering eyes were staring directly into blue. "But you? You're just a coward. You're a coward, Diana Cavendish, and you'll never be anything else! You know what? I hope Akko meets somebody who treats her great, who doesn't give up the second things look scary. I hope she does, and I hope you sit there and  _watch_."

That was too much. Diana buried her face into her palms and shrieked, an animalistic, carnal cry that she had never heard herself make, before screaming, "Get  _out_!"

"No problem!" Hannah screeched back.

A shoulder slammed into Barbara as Hannah raced out, the door to her own room slamming so hard that it made the picture frames on Diana's wall shake.

"Diana, do you want to talk?" Barbara asked, scratching at the back of her head.

"No!" Diana wailed, biting down on her lower lip hard as she glared at her other roommate. "Just leave. Please, just leave me alone."

"Oh... okay," Barbara said. She backed away slowly, one hand out like she was calming a rabid beast. And maybe she was, because Diana felt so completely out of control that she didn't know who she was anymore. "Just... if you need me. I'm here."

Her own door shut quietly.

And Diana whirled. Her chest throbbed with pain, her breath came so hard her nostrils flared and her cheeks billowed with the effort of trying to control her aching lungs. She reached for her diary, for the one thing that she spilled everything to, and tore out the last page, the last page that ended with that fateful line that made her so scared that she turned and ran with her tail between her legs at the slightest hint of an obstacle.

 _I think I love her_ , she'd written.

She crumpled the thick paper in her hand and pushed open her window, feeling the cold slamming her like a wall of ice, and threw that thought as hard as she could into the street, into the freezing winter night, into the sleet that drummed against the roof in the same way her heart pounded against her chest.

She threw that sentiment as far as she could, but it still gripped her tight, it still made her weak and weary, it still made her want to scream into nothingness until she disappeared entirely and everything faded to black. Hannah was right, Akko deserved somebody better. Akko deserved somebody who wouldn't run, she deserved somebody who would love her without being scared, somebody who wasn't scared of their own shadow when it came to emotional intimacy.

Diana crumpled to her bed and dug Mini Beatrix out from under the pillow she'd been lodged under, buried her face into the soft fur, and cried. She cried because she wasn't good enough, she cried because she was a coward, she cried because she was everything that she never wanted to be. She cried because she was nothing but a scar, but the kind you hid beneath tattoos or under long clothing, the kind that you made stories up for or dismissed entirely. Nothing to be proud of, but there all the same, the sad leftovers of pain that nobody ever wanted, that nobody ever asked for.

* * *

Akko was coming to the Hunter/Jumper show.

The anxiety and dread that filled Diana at the very thought of being near Akko for the entire weekend made her shiver uncontrollably as she drove behind the van. Every muscle in her body was tense as she white-knuckled the steering wheel, staring straight ahead and ignoring the awkward silence that filled her vehicle.

She and Hannah were not on speaking terms. They hadn't had any kind of communication since the night Hannah screamed at her, since the night Hannah told her exactly what she already knew: that she was a coward, that she hurt Akko, that she was wrong.

Barbara was struggling to fix everything, to be the glue that held the team together by serving as a liaison between them. It wasn't working. Diana wanted nothing to do with anybody. She didn't want to speak, she didn't want to hear, she didn't want to feel. She didn't want to go to the show in Whitchurch at  _all_ , but responsibilities were responsibilities and her world rotating on its axis did not count for an excuse to not fulfill them.

The only words that were uttered during the entire ride were, "I have to pee," and, "Barbara, move your stuff." Not even music played on the radio. Nothing but silence ebbed around them and fueled the unsettling atmosphere that lingered within the confines of their temporary cell.

But Diana's mind was not silent. It was loud with thoughts, screaming with memories, every single one of them with Akko and every single one of them so painful in the beauty that they once were. It was like watching a film and screaming while the main character screwed everything up. Yelling at them to get it together, to do whatever it took to keep the girl, do dive in headfirst and think of nothing but the possibilities.

Only she was that main character, and she could not hear the audience. It was all background noise and it was getting louder, louder, louder until something it was shrill and deafening in her ears-

"Diana, pay  _attention_!" Hannah hissed from the backseat, grabbing both her own shoulder and Barbara's as she lurched over the console and grabbed the steering wheel. The honking of the car in the lane next to her, the one that hers was starting to drift into, faded away to nothing. "If you can't handle driving right now, let me or Barbs do it! And Barbara, wake the hell up!" She gently smacked the side of the black-haired girls cheek as she fell back with a huff.

She just needed to sleep. To sleep forever, to not wake up into the reality she'd built around herself. So she was relieved when they finally made it to Whitchurch, when she'd gone through the motions of settling Beatrix into her temporary box and made it to her own lodging. Hannah and Barbara were staying alone—that was fine, they were probably sick to death of her anyway and she didn't think she could stand to be around them the entire weekend as it was—and so the room was her own.

Or so she thought.

Until the door opened and  _Akko_  was standing there, her duffel over her shoulder as she started to shuffle in... and froze.

Red eyes, hidden beneath circles of darkness, fell on her as she sat at the end of the bed pulling her paddock boots off. She stared back, blinking, not really sure if she was actually seeing Akko or if it was just a cruel trick her mind was playing on her, until she was quickly snapped out of her daze by Akko squeaking, "I can't do this," and slamming the door shut—on herself, first, with a yelp—followed by a loud thud on the outside of the room.

 _Who_ put her in a room with Akko?

Wait.

She had.

She'd done it weeks before, she'd rearranged the rooms so that she could be with Akko and they could have a nice weekend together while they were at the show and bloody hell if she didn't  _forget to change it_.

Diana stumbled to her feet, forgetting that one boot was half on and kicking it away with a curse as she flew to the door. She ripped it open, glancing around the hall until she found Akko collapsed against the wall and curled in on herself with her duffel thrown haphazardly to the side. Her face was tucked into her folded arms, her fingers twitching in her cast.

"Akko," she said hesitantly, holding the door open as she peered down at the crumpled girl. "Come on, you can have the room, I'll find something else."

"I don't want it," Akko moaned. It was muffled into her arms. "Just leave me here, please."

"Akko, come on." Diana reached forward, but Akko flinched away as though her touch was fire. She didn't blame her, but it hurt. "I'll go somewhere else."

Akko grunted and clambered to her feet, slinging her duffel over her shoulder and following Diana—albeit it a distance—into the room. Diana stared at the single bed and clenched her jaw as she strode forward and threw herself into the armchair in the corner, burying her face in her hands.

"It's fine," Akko mumbled, though the lurch in her voice told Diana it was anything but fine. "I don't care. It's fine."

She didn't say anything more. She threw her duffel onto the ground and slid into the washroom. The sound of the shower started and didn't stop for a very, very long time.

The problem was there  _were_  no options. The rooms were all booked and had been for weeks and Hannah and Barbara were not about to allow her to sleep there, Hannah would've been sure of that. Besides, she was probably laughing right now at the idea of Diana having to spend a whole weekend staring at the result of her actions.

And so she climbed into bed. She curled up on one side and squeezed her eyes shut and wished that sleep would come, but it never did. And when she heard Akko moving around in palpable hesitation before her weight sank into the mattress, Diana wished she was asleep, because the sound of Akko weeping into her pillow was the worst thing she had ever heard in her entire life. She felt like she was being gutted as she laid there, her own silent tears leaking against the pillow, and tried very hard to be anywhere else.

* * *

She and Beatrix did not do poorly. Despite her complete lack of focus and her desperate desire to be anywhere else, possibly curled into a fetal position in the corner of her mare's box and forgetting the world still revolved, she took first for her classes for the day.

It was a result of hard training, because muscle memory and practiced perfection took over where she was inattentive, and her mare put in extra work that, ultimately, shouldn't have been necessary. She had stood in her mare's box for quite some time, avoiding the stir of the barn and the other riders that would inevitably speak to her, and fed Beatrix peppermint after peppermint, focusing on the soft lips against her palm, on the tickle of freshly shaved whiskers. Being with Beatrix usually offered some sort of comfort—it was like a hiatus from real life—but lately she couldn't. There was nothing in the world that could stop the stab of pain that lingered, incessant and debilitating.

"We're going out tonight," Barbara announced from the gate and Diana glanced up from where she'd been mindlessly scratching at Beatrix's shoulder. "The whole team. This is our last show of the season and I won't let you tell me no, so don't even start."

Diana was exhausted. She didn't sleep at all the night before, not with the distant heat of the body next to her that she so badly just wanted to roll over and take in her arms. Her chest had ached with desperate longing and she had clenched her fists together and grit her teeth as she burrowed into the pillow and listened while Akko's muffled cries faded to steady breaths.

She had known Akko was hurting—Hannah had told her that much—but she had not expected it to be this much. She had not expected the frail and solemn Akko that she found before her, the girl who sagged beneath sadness that clearly weighed heavy on her shoulders.

What had she done?

What had she  _done_?

She asked herself that question on repeat the entire night, a constant flow of bullets to her brain.

Akko had woken before the sun rose, before Diana had even though to get out of bed. Long before she would have any other day. Diana had laid there and pretended to be asleep while she silently got ready and left, and when she was gone Diana had pulled the pillow she slept on into her arms and breathed deep the scent of jasmine while she sobbed into the cold fabric.

But Barbara had not given her a choice. Akko was not there when she got back—she didn't have to ride, obviously, so she'd left the show early with the Jump Team and was likely already out—and so Diana had the room to herself to get ready. She didn't try. Jeans, her navy blue jumper. A pair of brown boots that she'd dug out of her closet and just thrown into her bag because she honestly didn't care what she brought. She dressed robotically and met Hannah and Barbara outside. Hannah was ignoring her, not like she expected anything different, and simply looked away while she hammered out some texts to who she assumed was Amanda.

They walked to the Black Bear downtown. It was a short walk, through a few old brick alleys and down another side street that was in desperate need of repair. But it was cold and Diana hugged her coat tight as she shrank into her scarf, her knit hat pulled low over her brow. She stayed silent as she walked. What was there to say, anyway? It wasn't like she wanted to be out. It wasn't like she wanted to be there, to be  _anywhere_.

She just wanted to hide.

But she couldn't. Life wouldn't let her get away that easily. Her problems stared her in the face just as they always had, but she couldn't run this time. So she took a deep breath and followed her friends into the old Victorian bar and ordered a double gin and tonic that she hoped she would soon drown in.

Of course Akko was there. The Jump team was there. The Black Bear was the spot they went to every time they were in Whitchurch. It was where they got a drink after their shows, where they relaxed into not having to be so perfect and poised and where they weren't competing against each other except for the girls who were going shot for shot with complete disregard for their performance the next day.

Diana sat at the bar alone, slumped up against the sloped wood. She watched Akko through fleeting glances and the familiar nagging urge to go over and be with her. The brunette stood quietly with a beer in her hand, half checked out of whatever conversation was going on between Mary and Wangari, and slowly drank her beer. She went back for another and, for a moment, her dull red eyes met Diana's and she held them briefly before shrinking back into herself.

She didn't want to interact with anybody. Even when Barbara tried to get her to move, tried to get her to talk with the team from Leeds that she knew so well. Instead, she sucked down her drinks, within reason since she had to ride again in the morning, until her vision blurred and she faded into her own thoughts. Thoughts that were so distant, thoughts that were nothing more the ghosts in the cemetery where she buried the problems she couldn't face.

And she left with Hannah and Barbara, long before the Jump team left, and she swore for a moment Akko looked over and watched her again through sad eyes, through eyes that were pleading for her to just come  _back_ , but she didn't.

Diana Cavendish. Coward.

The room was dark when she slid inside. She changed slowly, slipping into her grey sweatpants, the same ones that she'd let Akko wear that night that seemed so long ago, and a white Luna Nova Equestrian Team t-shirt that she'd gotten during a clinic the summer before. She stepped to the window, pulled the curtains aside, and stared into the dark sky, into the downtown lights that flickered against the horizon. There were people beyond those lights that weren't her, that weren't drowning on the inside, that were probably happy and laughing with their loved ones.

The door opened. Not gently, but only the way Akko could open it, with thudding and shuffling and a curse to top it off. She pulled off her Mounted Games jacket as she moved, tossing it carelessly to the floor before her eyes lifted and fell on Diana.

Diana's chest lurched. Her skin tingled as she stared at Akko, as she drank in the form of the girl who she had broken, the girl who she had sworn she would never hurt. Her muscles ached, shook. She hugged herself and looked away, back through the window to the scene beyond which was now nothing more than a blur.

She could hear Akko moving. Could hear the sound of her belt buckle, her shoes thumping against the wall as she kicked them off, the scrape of her feet against carpet as she nearly lost her balance.

And then there was silence.

She thought maybe Akko had gotten in bed, that Akko had maybe gone into the washroom and just closed the door very quietly, or maybe she was checking her phone or had just zoned out in the way she sometimes did when she was thinking very hard-

There was a noise behind her, the heavy exhale of a breath. She turned.

Akko stood behind her. She wore nothing. Her pale skin was prickled with goosebumps that spread over flesh that Diana knew was so soft, over the gentle slope of breasts and the ridge of her collarbone and the muscular arms that had held her just right. She was shaking, too, her whole body quivering as she just froze and stared, crimson eyes that lacked their usual sparkle boring into her own.

Diana let her eyes close slowly before she opened them again, her vision fogging as she slowly drank in the beauty of the person standing before her. They were both frozen in time, unmoving, and Diana got the distinct feeling that Akko was daring her, that she was challenging her-

She took a deep, shuddering breath and her chin twitched shakily to the side, and that was all it took.

Akko crashed into her, cold hands snaking around her neck as she pulled Diana in close, lips smashing together in a mixture of teeth and tongue and saliva and Diana kissed her back hard because she  _wanted_ it, because she wanted Akko more than anything she had ever wanted before. Her whole body felt like it was going to burst. Her skin was bleeding with desire, her heart slamming hard against the confines of her ribcage as the smaller body pushed her back, back against the window and the city of Whitchurch beyond, and their world became nothing more than desperate pants and quiet moans as Akko slipped her legs between her own and pushed hard.

Diana brought her head back, quivering as Akko moved to her neck, tongue dancing against her skin, hands roaming up her shirt and over her chest, passing against hard nipples and an abdomen that was rolling with breaths that heaved and shuddered as her hips grinded against the offered thigh.

There were a million reasons that she shouldn't have given in, that she should have stopped this before it started, that she should have put a hand to Akko's chest and told her no, stop, this isn't right, we shouldn't-

But there was one reason she did, and it was Akko, it was the girl who slammed into her like there was nothing in the world she wanted more. Akko was drinking her in, Akko was taking her for her own, and Diana had never felt more wanted in her life and it was at the hands of a girl who she made feel so very unwanted.

A hand was in her waistband and moving down and Akko had let the skin of her neck go and was panting against her pulse, warm air that coasted over her skin and melted into the cold before warming again, and Akko's hands were running through her and God she was dripping against the fingers that pressed forward. She gasped and rolled her head backwards, feeling her hips being eased up on the wooden windowsill as Akko lifted her eyes and stared directly into her own as she slid inside.

Akko's nostrils flared with each breath. Diana could feel how hard Akko's heart was beating and she placed her palm against her sternum, marveling in the way the muscle throbbed beneath her fingers, marveling in the heat that radiated from the other girl's body. And she let Akko fill the void inside her, she let Akko inside because she wanted Akko inside all along but she was so fucking scared, so fucking scared of being alone again, but right now she wasn't, because Akko was holding her and Akko was thrusting into her hard, her breath coming in shorter gasps with each curl of her fingers. There was no moaning, there was no speaking, there was nothing but two girls panting desperately as they moved together in a way that they very much shouldn't have been.

Red eyes were like lasers into her own but it was like there was nothing behind them, just the unfocused gaze of a fogged mind. Diana stared back, unblinking. Akko was shaking hard and so was she, in the way that she would shake in those first couple of months when she wanted so badly to touch Akko but was scared to, in the way that she did when she was so terrified of rejection but also craving that little bit of intimacy with someone she liked so much.

Akko's fingers thrust and curled, over and over again, hard and jerky and Diana's hips rose to meet her every time. She didn't want this to end, she didn't want to go back to the inevitable loneliness that would come after, she didn't want for Akko's hands to leave her, and so she held on for as long as she could, desperately clinging to that last bit of heat, desperately stoking the fire that would go out as soon as Akko stepped away.

Akko's cast had fallen around her hips and was digging into her, pulling her with each quivering thrust, coaxing and supporting in the way that Diana should have been doing all along for  _her_.

She felt so weak. She felt so alone, but the look in Akko's eyes told her that she felt alone, too. Neither of them were anywhere, they were both so far away, so distant, but they were displaced  _together_  and it was raw and beautiful. The bridge they were on was one that wasn't there to begin with, it was one they were building so they could cross together, but Diana didn't know if that bridge would be there when it was all over or if it would simply collapse under the weight of her failures, under the weight of her cowardice and the pain she'd caused.

There was a shimmer in those ruby eyes and for the first time Diana could see that Akko was crying. Tears were streaming hot and silent down her cheeks, dripping slowly from her chin and onto the shirt that was pushed up and crumpled over Diana's breasts, and for the first time she realized that  _she_  was crying, too. Her cheeks were wet and tears dripped from her eyelashes and her chest heaved as she sucked in air and shuddered with sobs.

She couldn't hold out anymore, even though she tried. She came. The arms that had wrapped around Akko's neck tightened hard as she fell forward into the other girl's arms, her core still wavering and shaking with a dwindling pleasure that she didn't even feel because she was feeling so many other things, like the quivering body against her own and the sobs that were racking the other girl's shoulders and making her slump with grief, at the blood that burned and scorched inside of her, at the gnawing ache within that was screaming,  _I love you_ ,  _I love you, I love you_ , but she didn't say it because she was still so scared-

Akko's shivering lips parted and a long breath slipped out. Her body was burning and damp with sweat, shaking hard beneath Diana's touch as she finally took a step backwards.

Diana's body flooded with cold, with ice, with the draft from the window that was nothing compared to the way Akko looked at her.

"I'm sorry," Akko whispered, blinking slowly, a shadow passing over her neutral expression as though the gravity of what had just happened hit her all at once. "I shouldn't have done that."

Diana could only stare. She could only watch as Akko turned, dressed quickly, and left, the sound of the door banging behind her drawing her from the stupor she was in, drawing her from the haze and the shock, as she stayed frozen against the windowsill with her sweatpants pushed partially down and her shirt still in complete disarray.

She could only watch as Akko had left her there much in the same way Diana had left her, vulnerable and incomplete, her heart breaking into a million different pieces as the world slowly fell apart around her.


	36. Prove It pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want them feelsies: wet- the middle
> 
> shed your rain jackets and come with me

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

Akko couldn't get away fast enough.

She didn't know what she had been thinking. The entire day had been an emotional rollercoaster and she was the unwilling passenger, unable to escape the draining onslaught that was confusion, desire, and sadness… but sadness more than anything else. There had never been a more torturous feeling than sleeping next to Diana but not being able to touch her, nothing more torturous than having the girl she wanted right at her fingertips but so far away all the same.

She had gotten back to the lodging far before Diana had even finished riding and had curled up on the blonde's side of the bed, burying her face deep into the pillow that Diana had slept on, sucking air in shuddering gasps as she breathed her in. She wanted Diana to come through that door and take Akko into her arms, to hold her tight and tell her that everything was alright, to just give her the  _chance_  to prove herself. Sure, she knew that she had a lot to work on. She was well aware that she was stumbling through darkness in her first relationship, testing the water as she went to see what was okay or not. But had she really been doing  _that_  terribly?

She was wiping away the last of her tears when she saw the black yarn poking out of Diana's bag and she slid to the floor. It wasn't as though she  _intended_  to go through Diana's things—she had just seen it and she had to  _know_ —and so she lifted up the top of the luggage to find Mini Beatrix placed carefully on top of her neatly folded clothing.

Akko carefully picked up the small plush resemblance of Diana's mare and hugged her to her chest, running her fingers through the yarn mane and tail. Why did she have Mini Beatrix if she didn't have feelings for her? And why would she bring her along to a show?

Hope stirred inside her and she had held the plush that smelled so much like Diana for far longer than she should have before she carefully placed her back inside Diana's luggage, making sure to rearrange the tail so that it was draping out in the same way it had been before.

It was like a beacon of light in the darkness, something that Akko grasped and held onto as she went through the motions of the evening, as she pretended to be social and to be human in a way that she had never had to do before. Every movement felt forced and heavy, amplified by the knowledge that Diana was so close—she was sitting at the bar, looking just as miserable as she had in the Red Stallion so long ago—and Akko had to fight everything to keep from just going  _over_  there, because every time she stole a glance, Diana was looking at her, too.

There was a pull inside of her that made her entire body feel like a blur, like a fog of her own being, as though a lifeline connected her to Diana and was drawing her in, a question that begged a response.

And so Akko did respond.

But not in the way she intended. Not that she  _intended_ anything.

She'd had too much to drink and she knew it, she  _knew_  that it was a bad choice when she was going to have to sleep so close to Diana, when she was going to have to be alone with her and try to hold everything together. But, in all honesty, she  _wanted_  her mind to stop working, she  _wanted_  to lose herself somehow, because she couldn't do it on her own and maybe the beer in her hand could.

But the sight of Diana, her hair golden in the glow of the moon, her face pale and thoughtful as she gazed out at the skyline of Whitchurch, was enough to sober her instantly. She looked so beautiful standing there and Akko thought of Mini Beatrix, she thought of that magnetic force that was sucking her in, and she did the only thing she could think to do to respond to that question and ask the same back.

If Diana still wanted her…

If Diana still wanted her, then this was the only real way to find out, wasn't it?

Diana had turned away as though the sight of her was like pressing a hand to a burning stove. Akko felt an endless series of quakes running through her body as she shed her clothing and stepped slowly forward, the air cold and bitter against her bare skin, nipping relentlessly in a way that made her want to jump under the covers to get warm. But there was warmth in Diana, a fire burning inside that she had felt and she  _knew_  was there and maybe it was  _still_  there—

So she met Diana in a stalemate, holding an ocean of blue against bright crimson fire as she waited for a response. She asked that question, not bothering to consider where the answer would lead. Whatever happened would happen and Akko would deal with the consequences as she always did, in the fallout of her own actions when she could reflect on what she had done and curse her impulsive nature.

Part of her had been expecting Diana to turn away, to walk off, to ask her what she was doing. But none of that came. Diana had frozen in time and space and Akko had seen that sparkle that she'd seen before, that glisten of desire as Diana drank her body in. Akko felt her chest surging, her heart an erratic drumbeat against her chest, her eyes glazing with realization.

Diana  _did_  want her.

Diana moved, just barely but enough for Akko to know that it wasn't in a way that she was going to leave and so Akko had let everything pour out of her, let herself burst at the seams, let every single emotion that had been walled up within that painful chamber inside spill forth in a torrent of desire. She found those soft, familiar lips and kissed them hard because she was so scared that if she didn't put everything she had into it that the whole of them would fall apart and that thin layer of hope would collapse as quickly as it had been built. In that moment she was so horribly, desperately scared.

But Diana had kissed her back. Diana had wrapped her arms around her neck and pulled her closer, had met her with that same need, and so Akko held nothing back. She wanted all of her, she wanted every single last drop of Diana Cavendish because if she was going to lose her she was going to lose her like this, she was going to lose her as she bared everything, she was going to lose her knowing that she had showed Diana how badly she wanted her, she was going to lose her giving her everything she possibly had.

Diana had all but melted underneath her. Her breath ghosted over Akko's face, heavy and quaking, as Akko held her gaze and drove into her. There was nothing around them but the sound of their own shuddering pants but as Akko stared into those cerulean eyes, at those pale lips that quivered with every thrust, there was something there and it was like Diana was shouting something, desperate for her to hear, desperate for her to know, but she was shouting in braille and Akko had forgotten how to  _feel—_

And suddenly Diana was crying. For a fleeting moment Akko had thought that maybe she'd hurt her but quickly pushed that thought far to the back of her mind because Diana was still meeting her in the middle, was still huffing with every thrust of her hips, and Akko suddenly realized that  _she_  was crying too and tears were spilling from the pools in her eyes, dripping hot off her chin onto Diana's shirt.

But through the haze and through the tears she held her there, she held her locked there beneath that question until she felt Diana fall apart entirely, her whole body responding in a series of spasms as she collapsed into Akko's arms. Akko held her up, the source of her tortured mind so real and burning against her, until she felt Diana holding herself up once more and Akko let herself back up, slowly, carefully, to finally embrace what she had done.

Seconds passed, each more painful than the last, and Diana said nothing. Diana had space to move, she had space to leave just like she had before so many times, but she didn't budge. Her chest rose and fell with each heavy breath as she slumped against the windowsill, the muscles of her arms quivering uncontrollably. There was fear in her eyes as she stared back and Akko had the sudden feeling that Diana was scared of  _her_ , that she had done something so terribly wrong but she just had to  _know_  and yet she still knew  _nothing_ , she knew  _nothing at all._

What had she  _done_?

Akko panicked.

She fled.

She didn't know where she was going, she didn't even stop to think about it, she just knew that she needed to get away and she needed to get away  _now_. She felt like she was suffocating and she needed air, she needed to breathe, she needed to feel anything but the emotions that were surging through her like a strike of lightning.

She stumbled into the cold air, her bare feet striking against the frozen stone, her skin prickling against the chill of a dark winter night, but she didn't care. What was ice to a glacier if not a reminder?

Akko found a bench and she let herself fall into it, ignoring how wet it was from rain earlier in the evening, letting the frozen water pierce into the thin fabric of her shorts, soak into her skin. She buried her face into her hand, letting her cast fall to the side, her wrist throbbing with unintentional use, and simply closed her eyes. It was the first time that she actually  _wanted_  to cry, that she actually  _wanted_  to let everything out, but there was nothing left. There was nothing. Nthing but the empty and the numb, because she had left everything she had with Diana.

She didn't know how long she'd been sitting there but her skin was numb and her fingers were blue and frozen against her forehead when she felt weight sink down beside her.

"Akko."

Akko lifted her head slowly, her spine quaking with the force of holding herself up, and found Diana.

She was shivering in her t-shirt, her hands buried between the thighs of her sweatpants as she gazed back. Her toes flexed against the cold, wet stone beneath them, her breath freezing into vapor in the air surrounding them.

"Come back inside," she said. "You're going to freeze to death."

"What do you care," Akko grumbled. She looked back down, plucking at a frayed bit of her cast. "Just leave me out here."

"I care a lot." Her response was rushed. She let out a long sigh and hung her head, wavy blonde hair hiding her face from view as she stared down at her own hands. "I care a lot about you."

"Yeah." Akko rolled her eyes, huffing into the cold. "You care so much that you just drop me like a lame horse. You care so much that you don't even give me a reason, you're just  _gone_." She knew she couldn't hide the malice in her, the venom that dripped from her lips, and so she didn't bother to try.

"First, I would never—you know what, that's not important. Akko, I didn't know what to say. I still don't know what to say. I don't know what kind of explanation I can possibly offer you when I can't even figure it out on my own." Diana sounded stilted, like she was spilling out words that she'd rehearsed, like she was practicing to a wall and not the living being that was Akko, that was her ex-girlfriend, that was a real person with real feelings and it made Akko so  _angry_.

"And do you think  _I_  ever know what to say?" Her voice was getting louder and she took a deep, shaking breath to try to regulate her feelings but she'd lost control over them days ago. "You say it anyway, Diana, and you hope for the best. You don't sit there and bottle things up and hurt other people because you're emotionally crippled!"

She knew she said something wrong as soon as Diana shot up from the bench, as soon as she whirled on Akko with fury in her eyes—that same fury that Akko had sworn up and down she never, ever wanted to be on the end of—and jabbed an accusing finger forward. "You do  _not_  get to call me emotionally crippled," she snapped, her nose twitching with anger. "You do  _not_  get to sit here and throw insults around because you're hurt. I get that. I know I hurt you. I didn't do it on purpose. I  _never_  wanted to hurt you and it's a horrible feeling to sit here and see you like this because I—" She stopped, swallowing hard, her jaw rolling as though chewing on her words. "I was trying  _not_  to hurt you."

"How could  _this_ ," Akko waved one very frozen hand into the air, "not hurt me? I don't even know what I  _did_  because all you do is try to reason with me. I don't want to be reasoned with, I'm not one of your stupid research papers. I want to know how you feel and why you feel it because I didn't even get the  _chance_  to do anything and do you know how much that sucks?" Her tongue strained against her words. The back of her throat burned because she was crying  _again_  but not because she was sad, because she was so frustrated, because the girl standing in front of her was a book that wouldn't let herself be read and Akko just wanted to turn the pages and delve in.

"You don't get it," Diana spat. She folded her arms over her chest, glaring at Akko from beneath furrowed white brows. "You don't get it, Akko."

"And what," Akko groaned, "is there to get if you don't  _talk_  to me? If you hate me, fine. Just tell me you hate me. That would make everything so much easier. If I'm terrible at everything, tell me that too. I get it, I'm an idiot and I'm awkward and I'm nothing that Diana Cavendish would ever want—"

"That's  _not_  it," Diana cut in, tongue darting out of her mouth to wet her lips as she exhaled hard through flaring nostrils. "That's not it, Akko. You want to know how I feel? I'm terrified. I'm terrified that you're just going to throw me away in the end—"

"So you do the exact thing that you're afraid of to  _me_?" Akko was yelling now. She could feel her face flaring with heat, burning against the frigid air, and she threw herself to her frozen feet. "Because that's fucking fair, Diana. That's so fucking fair and makes a  _whole_ lot of sense."

She couldn't do this anymore. She had her answer. Diana was weak and couldn't confront of her own fears and she didn't have time for that. Not here, not now. This was Diana's battle, not hers. She whirled on a heel.

A cold hand flew out to grab her arm, effectively stopping her in her tracks. Fingers squeezed down, hard, and Akko grunted and turned.

"I'm sorry," Diana pleaded. Her teeth were chattering from the cold. "Akko, I'm sorry. I should have talked to you. I should have said something. I'm just so scared. I'm scared to lose you. I've lost so much already. I can't do that again."

"Everybody  _loses_  something," Akko growled. "I get it, Diana, it sucks. But have you ever stopped, just once, to even think that maybe you're not the only one? That maybe I'm scared, too?"

Diana paused, staring at Akko with clouded blue eyes and cheeks flushed from cold. "Why would you be scared?"

Akko felt her lip curl as she stared back. She took a deep breath. "Everyone's scared of getting hurt. Some of us just don't throw good things away because we're  _scared_. If I ran away from everything I was scared of I wouldn't even be at Luna Nova. Kuso, I wouldn't even have Chariot. I wouldn't be standing here at a show that I can't even ride in." Her throat was hitching as her mind rolled over her thoughts. "I was scared of getting hurt, too, Diana, but it looks to me like  _I'm_  the one that had a reason to be."

The pain that flashed across the taller girl's face was palpable. Her face contorted awkwardly as she struggled to come to terms with the reality that Akko had just slapped her with and her lips opened and closed, opened and closed until, finally, she spoke in a hushed whisper. "I'm sorry."

"That's great," Akko mumbled. "I'm glad you're  _sorry_. Now if you don't need me anymore I'm going inside, it's cold and I think my toes might have fallen off." She looked down. "They're still there, nevermind."

She had started to pull away again when Diana's whisper stopped her.

"I do need you."

Akko raised her eyes. Diana dropped her arm and shrank back, her arms hugging her thin torso once more, her entire body racked with shivers from the cold. Soft blue eyes were gazing into her own, holding her there just like Akko had.

"I do need you, Akko. And I do want you. I want you more than  _anything_." Diana breathed the words between them. They coasted to Akko, a thick cloud that dissipated before her eyes. "I don't want to run anymore. I want to… I want to try."

Akko couldn't feel any part of her body anymore. She was so numb from the frigid air, so numb from her frigid thoughts. She found herself searching Diana's face, desperately seeking something,  _anything_  to hold onto that wasn't an empty sentiment.

"Prove it," she dared. She tasted the words on her tongue as she spoke them. "Prove it, Cavendish. Prove you're not going to run away again, and when you do that—" A beat. A breath. "When you do that, I'll be standing right here, just as I always have been."

* * *

Akko curled in on herself, letting the hot water soak into her still numb flesh as she hugged her knees tight to her chest and tried desperately to warm the chill that was still shrieking against her bones. The water lapped at her legs, at her midsection, and she dipped one hand into the tub to splash some on her face to try to rid herself of the aching dry that came from salty tears. She didn't know what to think now. She didn't know what to  _do_. She had left Diana outside, left Diana to her own thoughts, and now as she hunched over in the bathtub and tried to quell the anxiety, she still didn't know where they stood.

There was no resolution, and yet… it was better than nothing. It was still the unknown, still a dark pit that Akko was staring down into with trepidation unlike she'd ever felt, but it was… better. She had thrown herself off that great cliff and had landed. Maybe on her knees and maybe with a few cuts and bruises, but she had landed and she was  _okay_.

The door to the washroom creaked open and Akko startled, nearly dropping her cast in the water as she looked up.

"Hey."

Akko swallowed as she looked up at Diana. Her nose and cheeks were cherry red as she stepped in, slowly bringing the door to a close behind her as she wrapped her arms back around herself and shivered hard. Her teeth were chattering as she puffed out a breath and brought sad eyes to meet Akko's. "C-can I…" she trailed off.

"If you want," Akko murmured. She scooted back to one end of the tub, watching as Diana slowly shed her clothes. She stood before Akko for a moment, her fingers wringing together almost as though she wasn't sure that she actually still had an invitation, and Akko couldn't help but notice that she had never seen Diana look so terribly vulnerable the entire time she'd known her. Is this what hid beneath the layers of confidence, of pride and humbled arrogance, of the stiff aristocracy that came with being a Cavendish?

Diana climbed into the tub, taking up residence at the other end and sucking her own legs to her chest as she sighed into the hot water. Lines of heat immediately broke across her thighs, red beneath the water and pale in the exposed air, and Akko watched her carefully as she shrank in on herself and sat quietly, one hand dipped into the tub as she curled and flexed her fingers.

They were silent for a long time. It wasn't awkward but it wasn't comfortable, either, and Akko sighed into her knees as she tried to focus on the warmth of the bath and not the girl sitting next to her. She felt the tip of a finger press gently against her calf and glanced up from where she was carefully studying the writing on her cast—just for something to do other than think about everything—to find Diana looking intently at her legs, her temple resting comfortably on one of her knees. Her pale golden hair waved around her face, wet at the tips where it fell into the water, soft and flowing just as it always was in that way that made Akko want to reach out and touch it. Akko gazed at her curiously, her breath slowing in the same way it always did when she took in the beauty that was Diana Cavendish.

"What's this from?" Diana asked, her fingernail scraping Akko's skin.

Akko tilted her torso to the side to find Diana pointing at one of the larger scars that ran diagonal across her calf muscle. Red eyes flickered back up to blue. "I fell off my bike when I was a kid. Kind of landed on the pedal."

Diana hummed, smiling sadly and trailing her finger up. She pointed to another scar, one that looked more like a chunk of skin had been taken at some point. Scar tissue ebbed at the outer edges of white. "And this one?"

"Ninja star," Akko said simply.

Diana let her hand drop and lifted her head, brows furrowing together as she scanned Akko's face. Akko knew she was looking for some sign that she was joking, but she wasn't, so she let herself laugh quietly. "I might have tried to dabble in ninja stars at one point."

"Ninja stars?" Diana's smile was more genuine now, tilting up at one corner as she leaned back against the wall and sighed. "Why does that not surprise me?"

"You probably shouldn't be surprised at this point," Akko murmured. She reached up to run a wet hand through her hair, pushing it out of her face as she followed Diana's movement and leaned back, too. She was warming up, finally, and now that she could feel her toes they  _hurt_. She tilted her head against the wall and let out a long breath, squeezing her eyes shut as she let herself relax into feeling okay. Not good, but she would readily take okay over the crippling depression that had been her last few days.

"Hey, Akko?"

Her eyes blinked open and found Diana's again. The blonde was gnawing at her bottom lip, her arms hugged around her legs once more.

"Hm?"

Diana hesitated. She looked away and said, "Can we... start over?"

"Start over?" Akko narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Like..." Diana took a long, heavy breath and looked up at the ceiling in thought. After a moment, she brought blue eyes back down to flicker back to Akko. Her mouth cricked into a forced, awkward smile. "I'm Diana Cavendish, and I'm a huge coward but I have a soft spot for sugar cookies and pretty girls."

Akko nodded and scratched at her knee, thinking about it for just long enough that Diana's smile was fading to something more akin to anxiety, before saying, "Okay. I'm Atsuko Kagari, but you can call me Akko, and I can be brave enough for the both of us... within reason."

"That's my line," Diana quipped. "You can't use that on me."

Akko felt a grin break across her face and she laughed, a laugh that made her chest throb with a faint tinge of actual happiness, and she let her body sink down a little deeper into the water that was quickly fading to lukewarm. "How would I know it's your line? I don't know you, remember?"

They stayed long after the water was nothing more than another chill, long after the time that Diana probably should have gone to bed, long after their fingers and the bottoms of their feet were pruned from exposure. But it was okay, because just talking with Diana was nice, even if she had to explain every single scar that she'd ever gotten, making up absurd stories for the ones she couldn't remember—just to see Diana smile.

* * *

For the first time in days, the sheets were soothing and comfortable, not hot and unbearable like ropes pulling her into the mental anguish that her thoughts hammered into her mind. The inside of her head was not silent but quiet. It was easy, and it was a welcome relief to the relentless ache that was slowly releasing its hold. She was so exhausted and her body felt ready to collapse into sleep, to collapse away from the exertion that had come with heartbreak, with overthinking, with hopelessness.

Diana was laying far on the other end of the bed and had been for quite some time, saying nothing. She'd settled quickly into her own tiny real estate, her breath slow and methodic, a rhythm in the background of Akko's wakefulness. Akko figured she'd fallen asleep quite some time ago—she hadn't moved, not a single muscle—and so she stayed quiet in her own state of restlessness, unmoving even though she wanted to.

Akko was once again thinking of what came next, of what everything meant, of the implications of the entire night when she felt the mattress shift beneath her. Diana rolled over with a heavy sigh.

"Akko?"

Akko turned her head on the pillow, gazing through sleep-hazed eyes at the bright blue that were peering back at her. Diana didn't look like she'd been asleep at all, really. Akko huffed. "Why are you awake?"

"I can't sleep," Diana whispered. She was hugging Mini Beatrix tight to her chest—how had Akko not noticed that she had her?-and Akko felt a fresh wave of longing rushing beneath her skin, a soft tingle lingering in its wake. "Why are you awake?"

"I can't sleep," Akko echoed. In fact, she didn't know if she'd be able to sleep that night at  _all_. Though her body ached for it, her mind just wouldn't turn off.

The sheets licked at her skin, tugging at her clothes as Diana sidled across the vast distance between them. She curled up close to Akko, but not close enough that she was touching, though the yarn from Mini Beatrix's mane tickled at her collarbone.

Akko felt her breath hitch. She rolled over to face Diana, studying the face that had become so familiar but at the same time felt so foreign, and wrapped one arm around the stuffed horse, around the pale arm that was already snaked over it. Diana's skin was warm, it was soft, and Akko sighed into the small touch, sighed into the face of the girl next to her. Diana nuzzled into the pillow, her blue eyes flickering shut as her fingers stretched out, the very tips grazing against Akko's neck.

It was hardly anything. It was an arm over an arm, it was the ghost of a tickle against her skin, and yet it was enough. Akko let herself sink into it, let herself relax into the warmth of the one person she wanted the most. There was a fence between them, sure, but they could both jump. Where Akko rushed obstacles, where she threw herself forward without caution, Diana approached slowly, reserved, biding her time for the right moment to leave the ground.

That was okay. The other side was solid ground and Diana just had to realize that, just had to realize that she would land and Akko would be there, already waiting.

And though she was in limbo, though she lingered in a place that spiraled with paths and she didn't know which one was the right one to take, Diana was there, too. They were stuck together—and that was much better than being stuck apart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> congratulations on champing through the worst of it, my friends. this round's on me.


	37. A Long Road Home

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

Everything hurt.

And not just from the cold, not just from the burn of her skin against the ache of the frigid air. Her  _everything_  hurt—her mind, her bones, her very core—and the feeling was so overwhelming that all she could do was stand and watch Akko walk away. She soaked into the space that built between them, her thoughts engulfing the last words that Akko had said before she turned and went back inside:

"Prove it," Akko had said, crimson eyes burning into her own as she uttered words that Diana remembered hearing once so long ago. "Prove it, Cavendish. Prove you're not going to run away again, and when you do that-" She had paused, as though she wasn't sure how to proceed, before continuing. "When you do that, I'll be standing right here, just as I always have been."

Just as she always had been.

Akko  _had_  always been there. Waiting. At the ready. Welcoming Diana with open arms and holding back nothing. It was Akko who had made those first crucial steps that led to where they were: their first kiss, the solidification of their relationship, their first time. It had all been Akko. Inexperienced, fumbling Akko, who had summoned all the bravery that Diana had never been capable of, that Diana couldn't offer herself.

All this time, Diana had thought it had been  _her_  who was calling the shots. After all,  _she'd_ done this before. She'd been with somebody, she knew the ropes and how to act... well, for the most part. She was the one who was supposed to be sure-footed and confident, she was the one who was supposed to help guide Akko when she got lost.

She'd done none of that. All along, it had been Akko who was guiding  _her_. It had been Akko who took her hand and led her down the path they were on, and it had been Diana who let her go and fell away.

How was she just now realizing?

Instead, she had taken the trust that Akko had so willingly given her and shattered it. She had let herself drown in her own fear, had let herself run from possibilities on the basis of other possibilities. To hear that Akko had been just as scared,  _was_  just as scared, was something that she hadn't even considered. And why wouldn't she be scared? It was her first time, her first relationship, her first everything. And Diana had given her every reason to be.

Diana stumbled back into the lobby, her whole body numb and quivering from the cold, and back to their room. She could hear the water running in the washroom, the splash of relatively stagnant water as Akko climbed inside the tub. Of course she was taking a bath—she was likely frozen to the bone—and Diana felt the urge to join her. To soak in the warmth of the bath and in Akko's presence, to just be  _with_  her.

_Prove it. Prove you're not going to run again._

Fear was there. After all, hadn't she ruined everything? In a single moment she had thrown herself from the shortest odds to the longest, had fallen into the territory of risking so much for so very little. There was a long path ahead of her, but she could  _do_  this. Akko deserved somebody who would fight for her, somebody who would go to  _her_  instead of making Akko come to  _them_.

Brick by brick, she would rebuild this.

Her skin quivered with nervous anxiety as she stepped hesitantly through the door, feeling the steam of the hot bath wash over her. The mirror was already fogged, a blessing in itself because Diana did not want to see the current state of herself, and the air was muggy with heat. It felt good.

Akko was sitting in the tub, one arm wrapped around legs pulled to her chest, the other resting on the ledge in an attempt to keep her cast away from the water. Diana must have startled her, because she jumped, water sloshing everywhere, and nearly dropped her arm. Red eyes met her own and Diana offered a weak smile, hugging herself as she tensed her jaw to try to stop how hard her teeth were chattering. Her heart was beating fast with nervous energy and she squirmed beneath Akko's gaze.

"Hey," Diana said. "C-can I..." She didn't know how to ask to join Akko. She felt vulnerable, frightened, like a child asking a mother for something she knew she very much didn't deserve.

But Akko already knew her question, already read her in that way that made her nervous, and said, "If you want."

She peeled her t-shirt and sweatpants away, shivering as her skin was exposed to the air, and stood before Akko much in the way Akko had stood before her earlier that night. She'd been naked in front of Akko before, sure, but never like this, never when the unknown stretched so far between them, and she felt herself shrinking into herself as the other girl's eyes ran over her body.

Diana climbed into the tub, holding back a sigh of relief at the heat of the water against her still-cold skin, and sank down into it at the opposite end of Akko. She mimicked the brunette's pose, pulling her knees to her chest, making sure to leave the distance between them intact as she let the silence grow just as far.

Akko was so close and yet felt so far away, so barely-there, that Diana felt a lump building in her throat as she lay her head down against one knee and watched the other girl. She was disconnected, far away, the wall between them so very palpable and so very real that Diana felt as though she were to reach forward she would find that invisible barrier holding her away.

It was not hard for Diana to find Akko beautiful. She  _was_. She was natural and easy and so very nice to look at that the flutter in her chest had become commonplace. But as Diana gazed on, she found more. There were flaws in that perfection, there were scars in that beauty, and how ignorant had Diana been that she had focused on something else for so long that she hadn't seen them?

Could she really say that she loved Akko if she didn't know everything about her?

And so Diana decided she would start from the outside, she would learn everything that she possibly could because she  _wanted_  to learn everything. She wanted to know every single part of Akko, not just the ones that she could see, that she could feel. There were so many things that Diana had neglected to do on the path that led them to where they were now that the very thought of how much she'd failed crushed her lungs and made her breath stiff and weak.

She reached forward, her finger tracing over the longest scar she could see that wound across Akko's calf muscle and decided this is where she would begin, this is where she would find every single one of those flaws and learn to love them. She would find her own strengths in Akko's weaknesses, because what better way was there to build a foundation?

Akko looked up from where she'd been focused on her cast. Curious red eyes bore into her own, making the static grow louder in her own head as she stared back.

Diana would work from the outside in, slowly and with care, because there was no rush, there was no hurry. The first time she had sprinted full speed, had gone for what she wanted in the way that only served to fail her in the end. But she had a second chance, and this time she was going to enjoy the scenery.

This was where she would start.

* * *

She'd solidified her place as the top point earner for the 120cm Over Fences division and Miss Meridies was ecstatic. She'd rushed Diana in Beatrix's box as Diana was pulling the braids, engulfing her in a warm hug and a slew of praises that all melded together in one long, mumbling slur.

"You rode beautifully," Miss Meridies complimented, placing one hand on Beatrix's still sweaty neck and the other fondly on Diana's shoulder. "Absolutely gorgeous. If your points stand, you'll likely even take top point earner for the entire collegiate division."  
Diana only nodded and offered a half-hearted smile. She would have liked to have been more proud of herself, but it wasn't as though she put much effort into it. In reality, it was Beatrix who deserved all the praise. It was her mare who had recovered from her suspensory tear not even a year ago to redeem herself in her placings, to put forth the same amount of effort as she had prior to her rehabilitation. Though Diana could claim some of the merit in her riding ability and equitation, it was truly Beatrix who carried her as a team.

If Diana had to tell the truth, her partnership with her mare was not equal. In many ways, she failed to carry the burdens that should have fallen on her, instead putting them off and relying on the strength of Beatrix. She saw that now.

She had resumed caring for her mare, carefully flexing each leg and checking for any points of soreness or heat, when the sound of the box door opening and closing brought her attention away from her task.

"Hey," Akko said, smiling sheepishly and clutching a styrofoam cup in her good hand. "I know it's cold, so I brought you some tea." She held it forward, greeting Beatrix with a gentle coo as the mare stepped forward to investigate. "It might not be that hot anymore because I kinda got hung up watching Wangari's round, but..." she trailed off, looking down and shuffling her feet.

"Thank you." Diana's hands fell from Beatrix's soft skin and she took the offered tea, fingers dancing over the foam. It wasn't that hot anymore, Akko was right, but she would drink it all the same. She leaned against her mare's shoulder, taking in the warmth of her body and looking anywhere that wasn't Akko.

"You rode... really well," Akko said, stepping forward to close her hand around Beatrix's face and gently scratch at her forehead. "And Hannah said you're top in points. Congratulations."

Diana could feel the heat of a blush dusting her cheeks. She raised her eyes to meet Akko's just as she had in the middle of one of her classes. Akko had been sitting there the whole time, hunched in her coat and shivering in the cold as she watched. It had been the first time she'd ever seen Akko watch her ride and it had fueled her with a determination that she hadn't felt before. She'd poured everything she had into focusing on herself, on the mare beneath her, and looking as perfect as she possibly could. Had she been trying to impress Akko? Prove something? Maybe a mix of both. She wasn't sure. But those red eyes had met hers and the hint of a smile had played at the other girl's lips as Diana had bowed her head mid-stride in acknowledgment and thought about how Akko was looking on for the rest of her ride.

"Thank you," she repeated. Her breath had shallowed and she searched Akko's face, running over the tired eyes and the shadows that were still there just like they were before, at the unbrushed hair that fell from beneath the bomber had she had pulled low over her brow. She held back the urge to reach forward, to touch that soft cheek and push the hair out of her eyes. Everything was awkward but she had nobody to blame but herself. This was her fault, this was her doing, and the responsibility fell solely on her shoulders.

"Do you need any help?" Akko asked. She rotated onto her heels, fingers tracing down the thin white stripe of Beatrix's face. "I have some time."

Diana glanced at her mare. Beatrix had already been fully cared for, but she really didn't want Akko to leave. "You can brush her if you want," Diana said, throwing a glance at Akko's casted arm—it was about all the other girl could do in her state—and nodding to her grooming box beneath the feed bucket.

Akko glanced at Beatrix's already groomed body, one eyebrow raising quizically, but she obeyed nonetheless. She plucked a brush out of Diana's kit and began to slowly run it over the mare's body, carefully paying attention to her girth area and where the saddle had once been. They fell into a silence, Akko brushing over Beatrix's still damp hair, Diana running her hands down legs, over ligaments and muscles, trying to focus on inspecting her mare but failing miserably in the presence of the other girl.

Akko stepped around to the same side, her movements steady and deliberate, careful to focus on every single place on the mare's body that Diana had already groomed. Her legs were so close and Diana's breath shallowed as she shivered in the proximity of the brunette. Eyes trailed up muscular legs to find Akko looking down at her and she froze, hands wrapped around Beatrix's pastern, the skin cool and soft beneath her touch.

Akko squated down, her bad arm pressing tight against Diana's, her breath warm as it ghosted against her. Diana's heart was beating hard and she wanted so desperately to close that gap-

"Do you want to ride back to Luna Nova with me?" Diana asked. She just wanted time with Akko. To be near her. She didn't care if they were doing everything or nothing at all.

"I can't," Akko replied after a beat. "I should really be with the team."

Diana nodded. She had expected that much. She stood, straightening her legs and working out the kinks that had popped into her knees from squatting so long, and rolled her shoulders. Akko followed suit, the brush falling to her side as she leveled Diana with crimson eyes.

"But... I was wondering." Akko looked nervous. She reached up and scratched at the back of her neck, flushed bright red as she kicked at a handful of hay on the ground. "I was just, um, wondering..." she started again, bright eyes flashing with worry as she met Diana's neutral stare, "if you wanted to... go out... this week. Sometime. With me."

Diana let out a long sigh, feeling her whole body weaken at the question. Akko wanted to go out with her. Even... after everything, she still wanted to spend time with her. Her blood was on fire as it ran through her veins and she shivered into her coat.

"If you don't want to," Akko said, backpeddling with the lack of response, "I get it, you can just tell me, I was just... I don't know. I... still want to. Try. I want to try. If you do."

"Yes," Diana breathed without hesitation. "I want to."

"Okay. Okay, good." Akko chuckled, looking down and fiddling with the brush in her hand. "Is there... anything you want to do in particular?"

Diana shook her head. She could hear shuffling on the outside of the box, could hear the yells of her teammates as they started gathering their horses to load into the van and head home.

"Diana," Barbara called from the aisle. She caught sight of Akko standing next to her and took a step back, blushing as she said, "Oh, uh, sorry. We're just... ready. When you are."

She nodded back. She was ready to get home. She was ready to get back to her routine, to put her head back to where it needed to be, to make everything right again. When Barbara was gone down the aisle with Belle, Diana took a deep breath and brought her eyes back to meet Akko's.

"Anything," she said at last, wanting so badly to touch her. "Anything at all."

* * *

Their flat was tense, unspoken words permeating the air in the space that the three girls shared, lingering like a cloud of poison between the small talk and hasty greetings.

Hannah still wasn't talking to her and she didn't blame the other girl. She'd either spent a majority of her time out with Amanda or hiding in her room, the latter of which she was currently doing. Even Barbara had been avoiding both of them, careful to either spend her time studying in her room or across campus on the library.

Diana curled up in her father's leather armchair, tucking her legs neatly underneath her, Mini Beatrix cuddled up in her arms as she leaned back against the soft cushion. Her mobile was clutched tight in one hand as she stared down at the messages she'd shared with Akko over the past week.

Not that they were talking much. She'd hardly seen her at all, save for a few fly-bys at the barn, and Akko wasn't texting her as much as... well, as much as she used to. The good morning texts and the good night texts were still there, but the stretches between messages during the day seemed to grow with the stab of sadness that shrouded her. It was like Akko was scared to talk, was scared to make contact beyond what she knew was acceptable, and the memory of what it had once been like made Diana's chest throb with an ache of loneliness that was almost worse than before.

Her message from earlier had still gone unanswered.

> _Diana 19:29_
> 
> _Tomorrow still?_

They'd planned to get together Friday evening. Just a beer at Last Wednesday, nothing fancy, though every thought about the upcoming... date?-was it a date?-made her shake with a nervous anxiety that was worse than when she'd first started talking to Akko at all.

The sound of a door cracking open drew her attention away from her phone and she glanced up to see Hannah stride into the kitchen with a couple of dirty glasses. Hazel eyes fell on her for a moment before her roommate quickly looked away as though Diana wasn't there to begin with.

They couldn't keep doing this. They couldn't keep dancing around the elephant in the room. Diana took a deep breath and dropped her phone on Mini Beatrix's soft body, sliding out of the armchair and following Hannah into the kitchen.

Hannah was dumping her glasses into the dishwasher, dressed in nothing but an oversized t-shirt and a pair of boxers that Diana had the distinct suspicion she stole from Amanda, her hair tied back into a loose ponytail. She jumped when she realized Diana was behind her, back crashing into the counter as one hand flew to her heart.

"Bloody hell, Diana, can you not?" she puffed out, taking a deep breath as she set down one of the glasses in her hands. "You came out of nowhere."

"I apologize," Diana said carefully, taking a step back and blushing as she dipped her head. "I just... wanted to see if you'd be interested in having a conversation."

Hannah sighed, shutting the dishwasher and moving to the fridge to grab a fresh bottle of seltzer water. "And what do you want to talk about?"

Diana leaned up against the counter, feeling the marble cold beneath her thin shirt, and raised her eyes to Hannah. The other girl was moving about as though she was ready to go back to her room, carefully avoiding Diana's stare. "I wanted to apologize."

"No need," Hannah said, her voice terse as she made a move to leave. "You did nothing to me."

"Stop." Diana's hand shot out and she grabbed Hannah's upper arm, holding her back with pleading eyes. "I know I said some hurtful things. I apologize. I was... not in a good place."

Hannah froze, letting out a heavy sigh as she rocked back and finally turned to face her. "I get that, Diana. I really do. You don't need to apologize for that. I've done it, too." She pursed her lips and looked down at the bottle of water in her hand, fingers twisting over the top as she thought about what to say next. "I'm not mad at you. I just..." she trailed off, frowning and looking down at her bare feet shuffling on the marble floor. "I just don't like who you become when you... get like that."

The words stung. She ran a hand through her hair and glanced away, planting her palms against the edges of the counter as she sank back. "I know," she said after a moment. "I don't, either."

"I've been there." Hannah set the bottle down and settled against the counter next to Diana. "So I really  _do_  get it. But you can't just stop moving forward because something set you back." Diana could see her jaw working as she chewed through her next words. "I know it sounds hypocritical for me to say. That's why I was trying to get you to listen this whole time. Akko is great, both Barbs and I have talked about it, and..." She hesitated. "I really liked who you were when you were with her, you know?"

Diana said nothing. And not because she disagreed, but because she liked herself better when she was with Akko, too. And yet she had thrown it away, she had thrown everything away as though it meant nothing and there she was trying to rebuild something that she had willingly broken except she wasn't sure she had enough glue-

"Akko told me you guys spoke," Hannah said.

"She did?" Diana glanced up, gnawing at her bottom lip as she scanned her friend's face. "You talked to her?"

"Of course." Hannah shrugged, eyebrows stitching together as though what she was saying was obvious. "Why would I not?"

Diana frowned. She pushed herself away from the counter, folding her arms cautiously over her chest as she eyed her roommate. "I didn't know you and Akko were that close."

"We're not that close," Hannah countered. "But Akko's nice and she'll talk to anybody who will listen." She plucked her water bottle back up and unscrewed it to take a quick sip.

She was right. Akko was sweet and never had anything to hide. She was an open book. Her fingernails dug into the soft skin of her arms as she cautiously met Hannah's eyes once more. "What did she say?"

"Just that you spoke, really," Hannah muttered. Her voice softened as she added, "She still really likes you. A lot. So if you're asking if you still have a chance with her, then I... I think you do."

"Okay." Diana let out a long sigh and swallowed back the fear that had worked its way into her throat. "Good."

"Yeah." Hannah pushed herself away from the counter. She seemed hesitant, like there was something else that she wanted to say that she couldn't quite get out. Finally, she glanced back at Diana. "But I will tell you that if you want her back, you may want to step up your game."

Diana blinked up. "What?"

Hannah smiled sadly, fidgeting with the bottle in her hands before finishing with something that made the haze of her brain burst anew:

"She's been talking to Avery a lot. And... they seem to be getting along pretty well."

* * *

_Thursday, December 6, 2018_

> _Diana 19:29_
> 
> _Tomorrow still?_
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 20:23_
> 
> _yes_
> 
>  
> 
> _Diana 20:25_
> 
> _I can't wait._
> 
>  
> 
> _Diana 21:13_
> 
> _Are you there?_
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 21:14_
> 
> _yes sorry i'm busy_
> 
>  
> 
> _Diana 21:15_
> 
> _Alright, sorry, I'll leave you be._
> 
>  
> 
> _Diana 22:57_
> 
> _Goodnight, Akko._
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 22:58_
> 
> _goodnight diana_

_Friday, December 7, 2018_

> _Aunt Daryl 05:55_
> 
> _We need you here this weekend. Sale of broodmares finalized,_
> 
> _need your signature for approval Saturday morning or buyer_
> 
> _backs out._

Diana stared down at the text message that she'd received, curling up beneath her sheets. It was still dark outside and her room was cold and quiet but at least the covers around her still held a little bit of warmth. She held Mini Beatrix tight, frowning deeply.

She'd been trying to sell the whole lot of their Hanoverian broodmares for quite some time. There was little in the way of making money off the warmbloods, mostly because it took years of training to get the youngsters trained and ready to go at a level that barely even brought them out in the green, and so both she and Aunt Daryl had decided it wasn't worth it to keep them. The only problem, though, was the Estate, including the breeding facility, belonged solely to her. A few years ago Aunt Daryl would have been able to sign for her as a legal guardian, but now it was up to  _her_  to finalize sales such as this.

That meant... she had to leave tonight. For Leeds. It was a five hour drive one way and so she'd have to leave directly after her last class.

Which  _also_  meant she wouldn't be able to go to Last Wednesday with Akko.

She pinched the bridge of her nose and leaned forward, rolling her jaw in thought as she considered her options. Not that she really had any. She  _had_  to go back to Leeds, there wasn't any other choice. She could drive back as soon as she signed the papers on Saturday morning, just after seeing the herd off, but driving that far back-to-back within 12 hours would be absolutely miserable.

But if she had company, good company, it wouldn't be that bad.

She waited until Hippotherapy. She wasn't uncouth, she knew better than to text or call Akko that early in the morning, and so when Akko settled into the chair next to her (she'd at least moved back beside her, which was a comfortable feeling even though they didn't really talk the entire class), she let her pen fall to her notebook and turned to face the brunette with the spark of determination that she'd managed to summon while she waited.

"Hey, Akko?"

Akko glanced up from where she was bent over and pulling her books out of her satchel. "Hm?"

"I, um..." Well, this was going well already. She realized suddenly that she was about to cancel their date, if it even  _was_  a date, and invite the girl on a cross country trip. But Akko would certainly say yes, right? A spur of the moment adventure seemed right up the brunette's alley. "I can't go out with you tonight."

"Oh."

The look of surprise on Akko's face made the guilt inside her surge. She folded her hands together in her lap, twisting them nervously as she looked away. "I'm sorry, I have urgent business with the Estate and I have to leave pretty quickly after class..."

"It's okay, Diana." Akko's forced smile made that knife of guilt twist. "I understand."

"Do you want to come with me?" Diana blurted, raising her eyes to meet Akko's. "I could show you the Estate and we could have a nice weekend there. I'll take you for a ride and I'm sure you'd really like Leeds, downtown is beautiful-"

"I can't."

What?

Diana blinked, platinum eyebrows knitting together as she scanned Akko's face. She thought it would be a nice getaway for them. It would be a good chance for her to rekindle the flame she'd put out, a good place to get away from Luna Nova and the expectations of school and friends and just be  _together_.

But Akko looked serious.

"I can't, I'm sorry," she repeated. She pulled out her notebook and opened it to her page of notes from last class—she'd been taking notes much more diligently since Diana had taught her how—and stared down at the block of messy handwriting. "I have an exam  _and_  a research paper due on Monday," she added. "I'm sorry."

"I could help you study," Diana said quickly. "And I'll help you with your paper. I won't do it for you, but I can review it for you and-"

"I can't," Akko said again. She looked downcast, her lips tugging in a straight line as she sketched at her notes with her pen. Her brunette hair hung, long and straight, over the side of her face and shielded her eyes as she traced over the same letter over and over again. "I'm sorry."

"Right," Diana murmured. "I understand."

At that moment she cursed her family, her duty, the Estate that she was in charge of even though she was too young to hold that kind of responsibility. She cursed her luck, the poor decisions she'd made, herself.

And as Akko's mobile flashed with a message and Diana glanced over to see Avery's name as Akko typed out a hasty reply with a fleeting smile across her face, she knew that she had much more to do than curse. She had to  _try._ She had to  _prove_.

It would be a long road to Leeds, a long road alone, and as Diana settled down behind the wheel of her Mazda and the road blurred together through tears, she decided that she would stay on that road, she would stay on that path, would stay the course that she had stumbled away from.

Akko said she would be there waiting. And so Diana just had to trust, she had to believe, and more than anything she had to close her eyes and make that leap.

She could do that. She knew now that she could.

But it would still be a long road to Leeds and an even longer road home.


	38. Her Ideal Self

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

If the previous week had never happened at all, Akko would have insisted that studying was the worst thing she ever had to do.

She was absolutely  _sick_ of it. Sick of staring at notes, sick of reading passages in textbooks, sick of writing on cue cards and re-writing outlines just to memorize terms that she would brain-dump right after the exam. It was mental torture. She could be doing so many other, better things: watching horror movies with Sucy, texting Diana, shaving off her own skin with a dull razor blade. Anything that wasn't the endless stream of psychology that was burning through her brain.

She choked her way through a few more theories before stumbling to her feet, popping her back with a quick stretch and roll of her shoulders. Hunching over her desk for so long made her spine ache, made the bottoms of her thighs hurt, but it  _had_  to be done. If she wanted to stay at Luna Nova—if she wanted to be with Diana—she had to pass her exams and actually get a good GPA at the end of the semester.

Akko stalked over to her bed and threw herself down on the mess of tangled sheets, digging under her pillow to retrieve her phone. She'd realized she had to keep it at least five feet away, otherwise she would just sit there browsing Instagram or delving into the dark holes of the internet to avoid actually studying. She had two messages and her self-imposed five minute break was already a minute in.

> _Diana 7:29_
> 
> _Tomorrow still?_

She would finally get to see Diana, would finally get to spend time with her and talk. A few beers at Last Wednesday would be a welcome break from the endless cycle of studying and class and she would be lying if she tried to say that she hadn't been counting down the hours until she finally got to be with the other girl. She'd hardly seen her all week, save for Hippotherapy (which didn't really count, because Akko had been so focused on taking good notes) and a few passing hellos in the barn. Things were awkward, she couldn't deny that, but everything flowed when they were together and it would be a  _good_  thing, right?

> _Akko 8:23_
> 
> _yes_

Akko flicked over to her next message.

> _Avery 7:57_
> 
> _yoo, we still good for Sat? we're making mimosas, I already_
> 
> _got the stuff._

Of course she was planning on making mimosas. Akko chuckled.

> _Akko 8:24_
> 
> _yes lol_

A reply flashed immediately back on her screen.

> _Avery 8:24_
> 
> _sweet see you sat_

With a groan, she shoved her phone under her pillow and clambered back over to her desk, throwing herself dramatically into the wooden chair and peering down at the slew of notes that were spread before her. She had a Clinical Psychology exam on Monday and had spent the entire week studying. At this point she knew humanistic psychology like the back of her hand (well, the one she could see) and if she didn't get an A she had already decided she was burning her textbook and making s'mores in the flames.

She picked up her cue cards and flicked through them, rattling off definitions inside her head. She knew them almost verbatim now, Diana would be proud if she was there.

Akko wished she was there. She sighed and tried to focus her thoughts.

 _Empathy,_ the ability to see through the lens of the patient and connect through similar thoughts to understand what the patient is going through. Further enhanced with the key idea of  _unconditional positive regard_ , in which the patient is cared for in a manner that both patient and therapist are equals. In order for this to work, the therapist must show the ability to listen and comprehend, to share genuine connection and not force a response.

It was a waiting game where one bided their time and let the other make the connections, to make those crucial first steps to their own healing. It was guidance, it was understanding, and it was patience.

She tossed the card down.

 _Ideal self_ , the idea one has of the person they must be, of the person they should become. It's the view of perfection based on reaction, on social conditioning, on the way they want the world to see them. But throw  _incongruence_ in the mix and suddenly the world is off kilter because they're  _not_  the person they pictured they would be but instead their  _real self_ , somebody that they didn't anticipate, the heart that beats beneath the steel wall of idealistic portrayal. But take that wall away, bring that barrier down, and the tide of realization hits faster than that person can even comprehend.

Add empathy. Add unconditional positive regard. It was like a potion: throw everything in the pot, stir together, and hope that everything blends in a way that creates acceptance. It was a slow process of hope, a slow process of belief, a slow process of trust.

Akko thought of Diana, of the panic in her eyes when she stood in the cold and admitted how very scared she was. At the way the girl had stood before her, bare and exposed in many more ways than physically. That wall had come down and all that was left was Diana as her real self, Diana as a frightened girl who thought she had everything to lose.

She had told Diana to prove herself, but she knew it didn't all fall on Diana. She had a lot to prove, too. She had to prove that she wasn't going to hurt her, at least never on purpose, and she be there even through the weakest of moments, when her real self hit too hard and the incongruence was too much to bear.

But how did she do that? How could you prove something when the other person didn't give you a chance?

With a heavy sigh, Akko shuffled the cards and started anew.

* * *

Her legs pumped hard beneath her, her breath coming in heavy pants as she leaned forward on the bike and strained against the resistance that she'd cranked up over time. Sweat trickled down her forehead, her spine, between her breasts and soaking into her sports bra. She was absolutely exhausted—she'd been on the bike for nearly 45 minutes—and yet she kept on.

Being outside was easier. She could distract herself, she could look at the scenery or people watch or just focus on where her feet fell as she ran. Though zoning out was a habit of hers, it was easier to not  _think_  so much.

But she couldn't run with a broken wrist. She'd tried on the treadmill and it had throbbed and hurt with every stride and so she'd quickly abandoned any hope of pursuing her favorite exercise and instead had settled for the bike.

There was only one problem: it was boring.

Her thoughts couldn't be diverted. They were stuck on a loop, a constant loop of memories with Diana, the bad overshadowing the good, and every minute was more painful than the last. The ache in her glutes and her hamstrings were nothing compared to the ache in her mind and she white-knuckled the handlebar as she tried so hard to get away from something she  _couldn't_ leave behind.

The current song she was listening to did  _not_  help. But not listening to anything didn't help, either, because no matter what she thought and thought and thought and—

_I'll be your mermaid, caught on your rock_

_Coming for your aid, isn't it odd?_

_Isn't it silly now that you know?_

_Someone this slippery can't let you go._

Her finger pounded at the resistance as she increased it to the next level, her torso tilting forward as she planted her weight in the hand that clutched at the bar for stability. She pushed hard, gritting her teeth as her lungs strained for air.

She was standing in that arena again, the cruelest nightmare of her waking thoughts, a memory she couldn't escape no matter how hard she tried. She  _wanted_ to forget that feeling of despair, that feeling of betrayal, that feeling of complete and utter hopelessness that filled her as she watched Diana walk away. She wanted to forget everything, to get past it, to move on like nothing ever happened and just be  _them_  again.

But how?

Why was this so hard?

_"I don't want to run anymore. I want to try."_

But why didn't she try in the  _first_ place? How had she been so willing to throw everything away, to toss away the possibility of something very real just because she was a little bit scared?

_You should have left me, cut off the rope_

_I'm too much sugar, I am your dope_

How had she never considered that  _Akko_ had never been scared, too? It was her first relationship, it was her first  _everything_ , of course she was terrified beyond anything she had ever done. To date it had been her biggest obstacle and she had gone through a  _lot_  of tough things that tried her resolve over her lifetime.

_I'm just as scared as you, alone in the rain_

_I'll jump if you jump too._

Could they even get it back to where it was? What if they  _couldn't_? Akko wanted more than anything for them to be like before. She wanted to feel that flare in her body when she saw Diana, she wanted to feel that excitement and that thrill of seeing somebody who she knew felt the same.

At least, she had thought Diana felt the same. But, now, how could she even be sure?

How was she supposed to trust that Diana wanted this, too?

_Believe me, it is true._

_You know that I would jump too._

_Into the blue._

Everything had been going great.

At least, she thought so. How come Diana couldn't just talk to her in the first place? How come she couldn't just  _say_ what she was scared of? Did she trust Akko that little?

_It's proof, we've got nothing to lose_

_There ain't nothing to prove_

_You know I'd jump with you_

She slammed down on the resistance again, forcing her legs to move faster, harder. The sweat was dripping onto the floor now, pouring down her back and drenching her shirt. Her breath came in heavy gasps and her lungs strained for air, but still, she pushed on. She would keep going until the very last bit of energy was tapped out, until her body was collapsing from exertion and the world around her was melting away from exhaustion.

Akko clenched her teeth, stood in the pedals, and grunted with effort as she strained forward.

_Like the oceans dancing with a storm, I will dance with you_

_While my waves enclose you 'til you're warm, like the water's glue_

_Hold your breath and let me count to three, when you know it's right_

_Take my hand, we'll dive into the sea_

Everything seemed awkward and forced. Before they had been natural, flowing, a river that ran freely with no obstructions. But now the dam was built and how were they going to get over something like that?

She felt like screaming but she didn't, she couldn't, she was in public and there were people around so instead she slammed her feet down again and again and again until the corners of her vision began to fade to black and she was wheezing and gasping with each shaking breath. Fight, Akko. Fight.  _Push._

_It's true, you know that I would jump too_

_Into the blue_

_I'll be your mermaid_

She had nothing left. She pulled her feet from the pedals and let them spin beneath her, her hand smacking for her water as she tilted her head back and poured it into her mouth, over a dry tongue and lips sticky from rapid breathing. Akko was exhausted, she couldn't go any longer, she was at her limit and there was no possible way she could keep on.

But as she stumbled from the bike, as the world swayed beneath her feet and she righted herself on shaking, throbbing legs and she found herself walking, she realized she  _could_ keep going. She could do this because she  _always_ had something left even when she thought she didn't.

Akko had more. She would keep going. Just in a different way, even if it was slower, even if it was painful.

* * *

She lay in her bed, staring up at the ceiling as the world spun around her. She'd had far too much to drink at Last Wednesday, way past her usual limit, and she couldn't escape the nauseating pang in her gut that made her sit up in her bed and push herself back against the headboard.

She was sweating, clammy. Not that it was even hot in her room because it wasn't, it was cold, but her shivering body was still damp and her t-shirt clung to her back. The sheets felt hot and wet on her legs and she kicked them off only to pull them back on a moment later when the chill became too much. Her neglected books and notes were tossed haphazardly on her desk and floor along with the clothes she'd worn that evening. With a sigh, she reached for her nightstand to take a long drink of water. It made her feel sick, but she knew she needed something.

Avery was a  _heavy_  drinker. Maybe even worse than Amanda. She had taken shot after shot, even somehow convincing Akko to take them with her even though she  _knew_  she couldn't keep up, but it had been nice just to get out and let loose after a week being cooped up studying. Diana hadn't been able to go out with her because she had to go to Leeds to take care of Cavendish business. Akko got that, but their cancelled date—was it a date?—still hurt. She'd been looking forward to it all week.

And what hurt even more was that Diana had  _invited_ her to Leeds. Diana wanted Akko to go with her and Akko wanted to go  _too_ , but if she didn't do well on this Clinical Psychology test on Monday she was absolutely screwed because her final grade wouldn't be high enough to get the GPA she needed. And then she'd have no chance with Diana at  _all_  because she'd be back in Japan. Even though Diana had offered to help her study, she knew that she wouldn't be able to get anything done if she was that close to her. She couldn't focus on anything else when Diana was around.

She pulled her phone out from underneath her pillow, grunting with the effort of moving her abdomen, and flicked open to her messages. It was late, past two in the morning, and she knew that Diana was more than likely asleep. There was no way she wouldn't be. She'd spent the entire night driving. She opened her messages and looked at the last few that they had exchanged.

> _Diana 9:23_
> 
> _Hi._
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 9:24_
> 
> _Hi :3_
> 
>  
> 
> _Diana 9:27_
> 
> _What are you up to?_
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 9:28_
> 
> _LWS with Avery_
> 
>  
> 
> _Diana 9:28_
> 
> _Oh_

Oh. That was the last message that Diana had sent her that evening. What was that about? She grunted as she squinted at the bright screen, her stomach turning as she typed out a new message. Okay, so it was late. Really late. Who cared?

> _Akko 2:17_
> 
> _Are you awake?_

Ha, longshot, like Diana would be—

> _Diana 2:17_
> 
> _I can be._

Akko felt herself smiling through the headache that was forming in the front of her temples. She typed out a quick response.

> _Akko 2:18_
> 
> _can I call?_
> 
>  
> 
> _Diana 2:18_
> 
> _Sure._

Akko lurched to her feet, careful not to disturb the other body in her bed, and swayed with the sudden solidity of the floor. She reached out and found the wall as she stumbled from her room and into the small shared space in the middle of her suite, hastily dialing Diana on the way.

The voice that answered was a sleep-laced, soft melody that was easily Akko's favorite song. "Everything okay, Akko?"

"Yeah," she said, settling down on the couch with an awkward flop and pushing herself up off the pillow. "I just wanted to hear your voice," she slurred.

"Are you drunk?" Diana's voice was scolding but Akko could hear the smile behind it.

"No, I'm fine," Akko said, though it was a lie and both she and Diana knew it. "Okay, maybe a little bit. I only got home half an hour ago. What are you doing?"

"Gymnastics," Diana deadpanned. Akko could hear her rolling over, the sheets rustling around her body. "There's no better time than two in the morning."

"I never knew you did gymnastics," Akko said. She settled down on the couch, making sure to keep her eyes wide open because every time she closed them she got the spins. She focused on a mark on the ceiling, fidgeting with the bottom of her t-shirt. "I could settle for watching that."

"Come here then," Diana mumbled. She yawned into the phone. "I'll show you anything you want to see."

"Are you flirting with me?" Akko asked. She couldn't stop her grin.

"Yes."

The chuckle on the other end of the line made her grin even wider, if that was possible. Her own laugh made her stomach lurch and she sat up quickly, swallowing down a fresh bout of nausea.

The sound of her bedroom door clicking made Akko turn to see Avery standing behind her, yawning and stumbling into the kitchen to get a fresh bottle of water. "You alright?"

"Yeah," Akko replied. She stretched and tipped on the couch, righting herself quickly with her broken wrist and yelping with surprise at the shock of pain.

"Who's that?"

"Oh, it's Avery," Akko murmured, watching the other girl standing in the small kitchen and chugging a bottle of water in a t-shirt and a pair of shorts that Akko let her borrow. "She's spending the night."

The other end of the line grew silent, save for a long, shaking breath. A moment later Diana's voice came through the line, more awake than before and a little sharper, and said, "I have to go," and the call ended.

Huh. That was weird. Akko blinked as she swayed to her feet, the phone slipping in her clammy hands as she used the wall to support herself. Avery was staring at her strangely, dark eyebrows pinched together. "Are you sure you're alright?"

No. No, she wasn't. There was no time to dwell on Diana's odd behavior—with seconds to spare, Akko lurched into the suite's shared bathroom and promptly threw up everything inside of her.

* * *

"I'm not sure if this conclusion paragraph really flows. Can you come look at this?"

Avery was sprawled across her bed, resting against Akko's headboard as she stared at her own laptop with an intense glare. She looked fine, which was something that Akko couldn't believe because she herself felt so very ill and had already thrown up twice since they'd woken up. Not that she didn't  _want_  to keep sleeping, but her head was throbbing and she felt so dehydrated that she just wanted to sprawl out on the cold bathroom floor and think about her actions.

In hindsight, inviting Avery to Last Wednesday was probably a  _very_ bad idea, but Akko had still wanted to go out (even though she wanted to go out with  _Diana_ )and all of her other friends had been busy. She'd tried to get them to come with her:

> _Akko 4:00_
> 
> _LWS tonight? Diana had to go back to Leeds._
> 
>  
> 
> _Amanda 4:02_
> 
> _Date with Hannah, sorry._
> 
>  
> 
> _Sucy 4:03_
> 
> _no_
> 
>  
> 
> _Lotte 4:03_
> 
> _Weekend with Frank!_
> 
>  
> 
> _Constanze 4:07_
> 
> _not tonight, sorry_
> 
>  
> 
> _Jasminka 4:27_
> 
> _Sister's in town!_

And so she'd messaged Avery. Who  _could_ go out. Which actually worked out, because they were getting together for their peer research paper the next day, anyway, and so the other girl could just crash at her place and they could get to work when they woke up, which would leave the rest of the day to study.

Except Akko had  _not_  predicted that the Canadian was a drunk tank and had let herself get suckered into it, too, and now she couldn't concentrate on her paper at all because every time she tried to focus on the screen of her laptop she had the intense urge to vomit.

"You sure you don't want to make those mimosas?" Avery asked, raising an eyebrow at Akko's pale and clammy skin. "Hair of the dog."

"Absolutely not," Akko muttered. She lowered herself onto the bed next to Avery and peered at the laptop, feeling her head ache with the effort, and read the last paragraph that Avery's mouse was blinking over. "I think it looks fine," she said when she was finished, pinching the insides of her eyes with her fingers and letting out a heavy sigh. She reached for the toast she'd set on her nightstand and nibbled at it, tasting nothing but feeling sick nonetheless, as she pulled her phone out from under her pillow and checked her messages.

"Still nothing?" Avery straightened up and turned to look over at her friend.

"No," Akko said sadly. She'd been messaging Diana all morning trying to get a response and yet there was still nothing.

> _Akko 6:58_
> 
> _good morning I'm dead send casket_
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 6:59_
> 
> _jk_
> 
> _not dead_
> 
> _but maybe_
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 7:20_
> 
> _are u rly not awake yet?_
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 7:37_
> 
> _Diana? are u ok?_

She knew Diana had to be up early. Even if she didn't, she never slept in. And she had ended the call so abruptly last night that Akko couldn't help but think that she had done something, said something.

The last time Diana hadn't returned her messages had been… that day. Was that happening again? Was Diana just going to shut her out? Was she going to run again and not even let Akko know what she'd  _done_?

Akko felt sick to her stomach, but not from her hang over.

"I'm sure she's fine," Avery said hopefully, offering an encouraging smile. "You two seem perfect for each other. I can't imagine you not ending up together in some kind of way. I've never seen Cavendish smile so much as when she sees you at the barn. She's usually all serious."

Akko had told Avery everything last night. Sure, it may have taken a shot and a beer or two to get it all out, but it felt  _good_  to talk to somebody who didn't have any bias. She wasn't friends with Diana and she was hardly friends with Akko and so she didn't really know them. She was an objective listener, somebody who could just look at the whole picture and offer advice.

So, even though Avery had gotten her plastered drunk, she had actually been quite glad that her other friends hadn't been able to go. It was like a weight had been lifted from her lungs and she could breathe a little easier. Not like she could before, sure, but easier.

"It sounds to me like she really wants to be with you," Avery had told her. "I had the same problem with my boyfriend. We're long distance and he's still in Winnipeg. We actually broke up once because we were scared of the distance." She shrugged and took a long gulp of her very colorful mixed drink. "Communication is key," she slurred, her stare quivering a little bit as she tried to hold Akko's eyes. "Figure that out and the rest comes easy."

Communication is key. The rest comes easy.

It was a simple concept, one that was ultimately easy in theory, but how could they get there if Diana wouldn't  _talk_  about things?

"She's probably just busy," Avery said next to her, placing a hand gently on Akko's knee and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "You said she was dealing with a sale, right? I'm sure she'll get back with you when she's finished."

Akko nodded weakly as she chomped down on her toast, chewing mechanically and forcing the little bit of substance down her dry throat.

"So you think this looks good, eh?" Avery turned back to her computer and leaning forward to scrutinize the writing. "In that case, I think we just need to source and—"

Akko's phone started vibrating. She looked down.

… Diana?

"What are you waiting for? Answer that!" Avery said, a broad grin spreading across her face as she sat up and let her laptop fall shut. "Don't just stare at it!"

Akko swallowed hard and answered.

"Um, hello?"

Um, hello. Good one, Akko. That's how we answer phone calls from Diana.

"Hey." Diana's voice was weak and shaky. "Can you come outside?"

Outside? Akko's eyebrows scrunched together as she turned to Avery, who was nodding furiously.

"I, um…" she hesitated. "I'll be right there."

In an instant her hangover was forgotten and she was stumbling away from Avery, away from her dorm, flying down the stairs barefoot, sore legs spinning beneath her as she rounded into the lobby. There were a few students already milling about who looked at her curiously before walking off.

Diana was standing before the glass doors, hands buried deep in the pockets of her coat as she paced back and forth. Her blonde hair was a mess of waves around her face and shoulders, her eyes were dark and rimmed with red and she looked as sick as Akko felt. Akko swiped her card and burst out, choking back a fresh wave of nausea as Diana saw her and rushed forward.

"I'm so sorry," Diana burst out, but she hardly even finished the sentence before she burst into tears. "I'm so sorry. I'm so stupid, I'm such an idiot."

The floor was cold and the frigid air from outside rushed at Akko like a wave of ice. Surprisingly, it felt good. Refreshing. But she couldn't focus on that brief feeling of relief for long because Diana was a mess in front of her, sobbing and bending over herself as she wheezed for air. Akko blinked in surprise, caught off guard and ultimately unsure of how to react.

"I don't want to lose you," Diana sputtered, righting herself and pressing her palms to her eyes as she tried to quell her tears. "I can't lose you. I'm a complete dolt and I never should have let you go. I'm so sorry, Akko. Please, I'm so sorry." She sniffled and hugged herself, unable to even raise her eyes. Tears ran from her chin and over the front of her coat. "I don't want to see you with her. I want to see you with  _me_ ," she said weakly, her voice wavering through sobs.

"Huh?" was all Akko could say, her eyes widening as she took in the shaking, sobbing image of Diana before her.

"I know it's probably too late," Diana moaned, fingers threading into her hair and gripping hard as she squeezed her eyes shut. "I know I messed up. I know I ruined everything—"

"Diana," Akko cut in, her voice harsher than she meant it to sound but she needed to understand what in the world was even going  _on_  because she couldn't make sense of any of this. "What are you even talking about?"

"A-Avery," Diana whimpered, wiping furiously at her cheeks and bloodshot eyes. "You've been spending a lot of time with Avery and—"

Akko groaned and smacked herself on the forehead before rushing forward and taking Diana into her arms, squeezing hard with her good hand and letting the other girl rock against her as a fresh wave of sobs hit with the contact. "Diana, we're paired up for a peer research paper for Clinical Psych. And I don't want anybody but you." She pulled away, reaching up to swipe at Diana's tears with her thumb. They were coming faster than she could move. "Did you really think I would like somebody else when I have a chance with  _you_?" She couldn't help the smile that burst across her face at the sight of Diana peering back up at her with very wide, very confused blue eyes. "You really can be dumb sometimes. Come on."

She seized Diana's hand and tugged, dragging the still sniffling girl up the stairs and to her dorm. Avery had already changed by the time she got inside and was slinging her bag over her shoulder. She regarded Diana with a curious cock of her head before flashing Akko a bright smile and saying, "I'll source it for us and have it ready for tomorrow. You two…" her bright eyes shifted between a very flustered Akko and a Diana that looked like Beatrix had gotten hit by a truck, "You two have a good day."

The door closed behind her and the dorm was silent—Lotte was gone and Sucy would likely be asleep well past noon—and Akko pulled Diana into her mess of a room, closing the door behind them and taking her into her arms once again. Diana sank into her, arms wrapped tight around her shoulders as she buried her face into Akko's hair.

"What are you even doing here?" Akko asked after a moment, guiding Diana backwards and pulling her down to sit on the edge of her bed. The sheets were everywhere and her room looked like a tornado had gone through it, but she didn't have any time to be embarrassed about that or, for that matter, the current state of  _herself_. She knew she looked like a wreck, too. "I thought you had to deal with the mares."

"I signed the papers and left after you called me," Diana said, her voice still quaking as she drew long, shaky breaths. "You said you were with Avery and I didn't—I didn't want you to think I didn't want this."

"Avery is straight, anyway, I thought you knew that," Akko said, laughing despite how serious the conversation was. It was ridiculous, to be honest—did Diana really think that she'd be interested in some random girl not even a week after everything happened? Even after they'd both agreed that they wanted to keep trying? "You drove overnight because you thought I was interested in  _Avery_?"

Diana nodded, swiping at her nose with the sleeve of her coat. Her blonde eyelashes were wet around red-rimmed eyes as she looked up to find Akko's. "Yes. You've just been so distant all week and—"

"I've been studying all week," Akko said, moving her hands to Diana's coat to start taking it off for her. Diana let her, holding her gaze to Akko's face as though searching for any hint of a lie. "I  _have_  to get an A on this exam Monday and Avery and I had to finish this paper. I would have loved to go with you to Leeds but I wouldn't have been able to study." She chuckled, gently pushing the thick navy coat off of Diana's shoulders and letting her shrug out of it before tossing it over her desk chair. "I can't exactly focus when I'm with you."

"So you don't like Avery?"

Akko laughed and shook her head, finding Diana's hand and squeezing it hard. "Of course I don't like Avery. I like  _you_. I… I  _really_  like you. I can't believe you drove overnight for this. You could have just  _asked_."

"I panicked," Diana said, frowning. Her fingers intertwined with Akko's and she squeezed back. "I didn't know what to do. I didn't—I didn't know—I was scared of losing you."

"You're silly," Akko mumbled. She wrapped her arms around Diana's waist and pulled her backwards to collapse against the pillows, against the mess of sheets that were half ripped and hanging off her bed, and pulled her close. She ran her fingers through Diana's tangled hair, feeling the warm breath coasting over her neck as Diana moved in and settled against her body. A familiar warmth flooded through Akko and she squeezed her eyes shut, sighing contentedly. "You know I'm yours as long as you'll have me. I told you I'd be right here, didn't I? I wasn't just making that up." She planted her lips to Diana's warm forehead, scraping her fingernails against the other girl's scalp as she held her there.

Diana seemed to sag against her. Her fingers flexed against the bottom of Akko's t-shirt, wet eyelashes brushing against Akko's chin as she squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm so sorry."

"You don't need to keep apologizing," Akko replied, Diana's skin tickling her lips. "You don't have anything to be sorry for."

"Yes I do," Diana moaned. She pushed herself away so she could look Akko in the eyes, frowning into the amused smile Akko was wearing. "I have everything to be sorry for. I… ruined everything. I caused all of this. If I wasn't so stupid everything would be normal and none of this would be happening and—"

"Shh." Akko let thick hair fall from between her fingers and instead ran her thumb over Diana's cheek, her temple, the edge of her ear. She looked exhausted, sunken, but still so beautiful. "Everything's just fine. We'll get back there."

"Why do you still like me?" Diana's voice was a whisper, rough around the edges and laced with doubt. Blue eyes held red and Akko made no move to look away.

"How could I not?" Akko asked. The corner of her lips quirked into a lopsided smile. "Have you met you, Diana Cavendish?"

"I don't like me very much," Diana said. She looked like she was about ready to cry again and so Akko moved back forward and pressed her lips once more to Diana's forehead, pulling her by the back of her head. The other girl grew quiet for a moment, a few shuddering breaths slipping from between her lips, before adding, "This isn't who I want to be."

"Nobody's ever who they want to be." Akko felt so adult saying this. She smiled internally at herself for her very wise words. Maybe she'd make a good psychologist after all! "You don't have to be anyone you're not. I like you exactly how you are. The real you." Her fingers massaged Diana's scalp, feeling the muscles in the body against her slowly relaxing.

Diana's breath was warm and rhythmic, her eyes fluttering shut as she snuggled closer. Akko pulled her in, savoring the familiarity and heat of her body, the calming scent of her hair, the soft fingers that tickled her waist. The other girl was exhausted and Akko didn't  _blame_ her. How was she able to drive the entire night?

Her voice was laced with sleep, barely a whisper against Akko's neck. "Thank you."

Akko said nothing. She could tell Diana had slipped off before the last word even left her mouth. Her hand was slack over her waist, her chest moving up and down in the slow, steady melody of sleep. Akko pressed her eyes shut and sank in, letting the terrible state of her body give way to the pleasant comfort of being surrounded by Diana, to the one person she could possibly want buried so close against her.

Diana might not have been the person she expected to be but that didn't mean that she wasn't incredible. Akko could feel the incongruence, the battle within to be everything she thought she needed to be, to be everything she thought she  _had_  to be. But everybody had flaws, Akko knew that most of all, and Diana's real self, the vulnerable girl who let herself fall apart in front of her, was ideal to  _Akko_. Akko didn't care because everything that she had been, the weaknesses and the strengths and everything in between, made up the person that she loved. The girl that she loved.

Diana Cavendish  _was_  ideal, whether she knew it or not, and Akko would tap into every last reserve to show her. She just needed a little bit of that humanistic potion, and it was a good thing Akko knew how to make it.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV story that's all i've got to say MAYBE KEEP THAT IN MIND BEFORE YOU PANIC
> 
> the song akko is listening to is: skott- mermaid


	39. Picking Up The Pieces

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

_"I'm so sorry babe, but something happened. I cheated on you."_

_Something happened._

_I cheated on you._

_I cheated._

"Oh, it's Avery. She's spending the night."

_Oh, it's Avery._

_Avery._

_She's spending the night._

The words Akko spoke had forced a cold chill through her blood and she had shot up, suddenly wide awake with nervous energy. Avery. Avery was spending the night at Akko's place. Probably sleeping in her bed. What if they had—had—

She could taste the bile rising in the back of her throat, the same nausea that impaled her when Chloe had told her what she had done. She wanted to be sick, she wanted to curl over the side of the bed and let out all of the bad thoughts that flooded her mind with the relentless force of a tsunami. Wave after wave of panic hit and for a few moments she didn't know what to do, how to react, how to  _think_.

Hannah's voice was shrill in her ears.

"She's been talking to Avery a lot. And they seem to be getting along pretty well."

Nothing was folded as Diana shoved everything hastily into her luggage, ignoring the possibility of hygiene items spilling into clothing, of dirty mixing with clean, of any semblance of her usual organization. She didn't care. In a matter of minutes she was shrugging into her thick navy coat and rushing through the front door of the Manor, tossing her belongings into her car before storming off down the far-too-long lane to the stable.

The documents were in a manila folder in the barn office, sitting cleanly on top of the large desk calendar that outlined the sales of yearlings, the breeding dates of their Thoroughbred mares, the foaling dates and veterinary exams of the ones that were already pregnant. She flipped through multiple pages of the bill of sale quickly, scrawling her signature on each below their pedigrees and papers. And she left a note—a hasty one-

> _Aunt Daryl,_
> 
> _I apologize for leaving this duty to you, but I have an emergency and must return to_
> 
> _Luna Nova. Please see the mares off in my stead. If there are any issues, contact me_
> 
> _directly. I do not anticipate any._
> 
> _Diana_

The long drive home began not minutes later and it was the longest drive of her life.

There was no escape from her thoughts. Nothing but empty road before her, the dark of night, and the fear of what lie ahead at the forefront of her mind. What would she find when she got back to Luna Nova? Everything that she wanted gone? Would Akko have already moved on and put Diana far away from her mind?

Akko had said she wanted to try. She had said she would be there, waiting.

But what if she had changed her mind?

The silence was torture, but music was worse. Her grip tightened around the steering wheel as she drove, the monotony of the scenery pulling her into a lull. The only thing keeping her awake, keeping her focused, was Akko. Akko would be on the other end of this long, miserable road, but the only question, the question that lingered, was whether or not she would be there. Waiting. Like she said she would be when they stood in the cold and screamed and cried and her vision had blurred to black and Akko was all she could see-

Akko.

She had to get Akko back.

What had she been thinking?  _Why_ had she broken it off in the first place? Akko was right. Everybody was scared. Loss was inevitable and there would never be a point in her life where the threat  _wasn't_  there. She could lose Beatrix and she didn't sell her, she could lose Hannah and Barbara and she didn't live alone. So why would she throw away what could possibly the best thing in her life because she was  _scared to lose it?_

She should have just spoken to Akko. She should have just opened her mouth and let it all out, should have expressed how she felt and found some comfort in the girl instead of finding misery outside the girl-

Why was she so bloody stupid?

The road before her blurred through her tears as a dense fog sifted through her mind. She leaned forward in the seat, knuckles white against the steering wheel, her shoulders lurching in a sob. There was no escape from her mind, no escape from the pain that crept up her aching spine, from the fear that closed in from every single angle until everything felt glazed and forced and she had to remind herself to breathe, remind herself to  _drive_ , because she wouldn't know anything for sure if she didn't make it home.

And then she'd finally made it. She made it hours later, painful hours that made her feel like she was suffocating, minutes that ticked by so slowly that she wasn't sure she was moving at all, seconds where her heart throbbed and ached and caved in on her ribs.

The sun had come up hours ago and she felt like a zombie, she felt like she was walking into the apocalypse— _her_  apocalypse—but the story had led her here, had let her to the inevitable, and this was the door she  _had_  to open because there were no others and whatever lurked behind lurked  _behind_  and-

"Hey," she managed to choke out as she planted the phone to her ear as she rushed by the Chariot du Nord statue. It was frozen in the winter, the stagnant water at the bottom of the fountain solid ice around bits of leaves and branches from the trees above. She took a deep breath, struggling to control herself even though she knew exactly how strung out she looked, and added, "Can you come outside?"

When she heard the line go dead she began to pace nervously, her hands shoved deep into the pockets of her coat. She was impaled with a stab of regret. Had she made a mistake by coming? Had she made a mistake  _period_? She should have just asked Akko, she should have just clarified over the phone instead of flying into a frenzy. After all, she was supposed to be working on being able to  _talk_  about these things, but the only thing that had come to her mind was to  _go_. To get there, to get to Akko, to get the girl. She didn't want to have the same thing happen as before. She had already failed to hold up her part of the relationship. She would not fail again.

Any composure fell away as soon as she saw Akko. She looked pale and sick in her t-shirt and shorts and was watching Diana curiously behind dark eyes as she swiped her card and stepped through the glass doors.

She lost it. All of the stoicism she had talked herself into since she'd gotten back to Luna Nova and made her way to Akko's dormitory. All of the confidence that she'd been able to summon. All of the hope that Akko hadn't done what she'd feared, that Akko still wanted to try.

She had so many things that she wanted to say and they were all hung behind her teeth. Words that she had rehearsed in the car, words that had streamed through her head like subtitles to a movie as she stared at the everlasting road ahead.

 _Akko, I made the biggest mistake of my life on that night I told you we couldn't be together. Ever since the first time I saw you I knew that this was exactly what I wanted, that_ you _were exactly who I wanted, and I have never made such a horrible decision in my life as I did that day. I want to take it all back, I want to travel to that night and make those words disappear into the ether, to take you in my arms and kiss you instead in the way you deserve to be kissed. I should have never run. But I'm not perfect. I let fear control me, I let fear win, and I promise I will never let that happen again. I_ do _want to be with you because I think that this could be real. I haven't been able to get you off my mind since that first time we spoke and I still can't get you off my mind. I can't let you go, I can't lose you._

She could taste them on her tongue, she could feel them hung behind her teeth, and yet all that came out was a weak, whimpering, "I'm sorry."

A sob lurched at the back of her throat and, though she tried to force it down, she couldn't. Tears sprung to her eyes, streaming hot down her cheeks and she babbled on, looking anywhere but the girl she came to see. She couldn't. "I'm so sorry. I'm so stupid. I'm such an idiot." She took a deep, wavering breath, struggling to wipe away her tears but they were coming too quickly. "I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. I'm a complete dolt and I never should have let you go. I'm so sorry, Akko.  _Please_ , I'm so sorry."

A Cavendish did not beg.

Diana was begging.

"I don't want to see you with her." The words made a fresh sob rack her shoulders. "I want to see you with  _me_."

"Huh?"

Akko was just staring at her. Why was she just staring? The fear in her gut struck anew.

"I know it's probably too late." She wound her fingers through hair that felt wild in her hands and tugged, struggling to find something to ground herself. "I know I messed up. I know I ruined everything—"

 _"Diana._ "

She glanced up.

"What are you even  _talking_  about?"

She sounded angry. Diana struggled to compose herself once more, straining to clear her face of the salty tears that burned her skin. This had been so stupid of her to do. She had thrown Akko away, she had left her for somebody else. This was all her fault and she had no  _right_  to be here asking for her back.

Yet here she was.

"A-Avery," she mustered. "You've been spending a lot of time with Avery and—"

She felt familiar arms close around her and pull her in and she lost the foundation of composure she'd built, sinking into the warm, thin body being offered and struggling to still her aching spine.

"Diana, we're paired up for a peer research paper for Clinical Psych. And I don't want anybody but you."

 _I don't want anybody but you_.

She was a sniveling, whimpering mess and Akko was wiping at her face and smiling. How was she smiling?

"Do you really think I would like somebody else when I have a chance with  _you_?"

Yes. Yes, she did, because Akko didn't have a chance with her,  _she_  had a chance with  _Akko_. Diana deserved nothing. She stared back into ruby eyes, struggling to blink the sheen of tears away from her own. And when the fog cleared, when the clouds parted, she found Akko—the Akko as she had always seen her—gazing back at her with the same look of adoration that had been there all along.

She did not deserve Akko Kagari. She did not deserve the girl who took her upstairs and brought her tight into her arms and spoke such kind words, who cared for her in a way that she couldn't reciprocate. She deserved the likes of Chloe, a girl who would lie and cheat and manipulate. She deserved to be the one left standing in that arena in the bitter cold of a winter night, she deserved to be the one to have her heart ripped out of her chest by an icy fist.

She deserved a lot of things, but there was one thing she knew:

She did not deserve love.

* * *

She was warm when she woke, wrapped up in one of Akko's comfortable fleece blankets and still fully clothed. Save for her boots, which she'd either kicked off or Akko had taken off for her.

But there was no body beside her, just emptiness.

She slowly opened her eyes, the feeling of her belt digging into her hips suddenly unbearable. Her jumper had ridden up her waist and she tugged it back down as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and sat up. Late afternoon sun was streaming in through the window. Just how long had she been asleep?

Akko was sitting at her desk, quietly examining the mess of notes that were spread out in front of her. She looked diligent. Studious. Though her eyes were swollen and her cheeks were dry and the hint of a headache stabbed at her skull, she felt herself smiling. There was focus there that she'd never seen, very much un-Akko-like, and Diana watched while she twisted her torso in a stretch.

"You really are serious about this studying thing," Diana said after a moment. Her voice was still husky from sleep and from crying for so long. "I've never seen you like this."

Akko turned in her chair, the stack of index cards still clutched in her hand. She didn't look as pale as she did earlier. Some of the color was returning to her cheeks, though she still looked tired and drained.

"Hey." She flashed a half-smile, one that made Diana's stomach flutter, and lowered her hand to her thighs. "How are you feeling?"

"I believe I should be the one asking you that." She planted her palms behind her back and scooted up to the headboard, running a hand self-consciously through hair that she knew resembled a lion's mane, only less… kept. "What time is it?"

"Little after three." Akko stood, cards in hand, and clambered into the bed to sit next to her. "I got up an hour ago and figured I would study and let you sleep. You were kinda out."

Diana flushed. She resisted the urge to lean against Akko's shoulder and instead drew her legs in to her chest, eyeing the cards that the other girl was holding. In the corner of each, she'd taped… candy?

"What… is that?" Diana asked, narrowing her eyes and nodding her chin to the cards.

"Oh, I taped Skittles in the corner of them all so I can remember by taste. I eat it with the term and then I associate it with the flavor so that I can eat Skittles while I take my exam and get everything right. Genius, huh?"

Genius. Something… like that. "And how long did you spend taping individual candies to each different card?"

Akko smirked, bumping her shoulder up against Diana's and plucking up the card on top. "Don't worry about that part," she replied, staring at the front where she'd messily scrawled  _behavioral modification_ and tearing the tape. She popped a red Skittle into her mouth and flipped the card.

"That is so unhygienic," was all Diana could say as she watched Akko chew and study. "And what if you're not allowed to eat while you take your exam?"

"Not allowed to eat?" Akko swallowed and leveled Diana with a glare that said,  _how dare you even suggest that_? "Why would I not be allowed to eat?"

"Nevermind." Diana laughed, leaning against her thighs and flashing a weak smile at the brunette. "You're taking this seriously. I'm proud."

They grew quiet as Akko flipped through her cards, fussing with tape and chewing her candy slowly, taking her time as she read the answer on the back and moved on. Diana didn't pay much attention. She couldn't, not with Akko so close and things for once not feeling awkward. She soaked into the warmth of the other girl, letting her breath come slow and easy as she relaxed. She could have easily fallen back asleep. She didn't.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Diana glanced up. She hadn't even noticed Akko had set the cards down and was studying her face. Fingers reached forward and brushed against her cheek, pushing a wayward strand of blonde behind her hair, and Diana blushed.

Akko continued without waiting for an answer. "And you don't have to talk about it if you don't want. But… what… happened with Chloe?" Her fingers lingered on Diana's cheek. Reassuring, warm. Present.

"I, um…" There was no easy way to speak about it, was there? She took a deep breath. "We were together for almost two years. Since sixth form." She clenched her jaw and looked away, not wanting to see Akko's face while she spoke about Chloe. "She went off to Oxford, I went to Luna Nova. Things were fine for a while and… then they weren't." Diana shrugged, running a nail across the fabric of her jeans. "She cheated on me. She told me about the once, but—" She paused, frowning. "I found out it was way more than that. All men. And she was still sleeping with me, too. She didn't even think to consider that—"

"She could have given you something," Akko finished for her, a statement of disbelief more than an intentional interruption. "You got, um…" her voice was meek as it trailed off.

"Tested? Yes, of course." She could feel how red her cheeks and ears were at the thought of even speaking about this with Akko. It was humiliating. "I'm fine, but… it… was embarrassing. Among other things."

"Who would cheat on  _you_?" Akko blurted, eyebrows furrowing in a combination of anger and confusion. "Has she even  _seen_  you? Jeez, you're a knockout with clothes on and then, kuso, naked, you're, like… pscchowww." Akko brought her fingers to her forehead and pulled them out in a mock explosion. Diana couldn't stop the smile that broke through her frown.

"That's how I feel about you," she said quietly, reaching up to gently take Akko's hand in her own and squeeze. Akko's fingers slid between her own, natural and soft and comfortable and just so  _right_. Her heart flared.

"Is that what you're afraid of?" Akko asked, serious again. Red eyes were boring into her and Diana met them hesitantly. "Are you afraid I'll do that to you?"

All she could offer was a weak shrug. It wasn't that she was afraid Akko would cheat on her. It was just that feeling of not being wanted, that feeling of not being right, that feeling of being so very  _inadequate_ that she was terrified of. It was the way she felt as a result of everything. How could somebody who claimed she loved her put her so far down that she didn't even think about the possibility of even putting her in danger? How could somebody who claimed she loved her take every ounce of confidence, every bit of dignity, and just ring it dry like a wet towel until she was nothing more than ashes drifting away with a light breeze?

"I would never do that," Akko said, giving Diana's hand a squeeze. "I can't guarantee I'll never do anything stupid, because I do stupid things all the time, but I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.  _Especially_ that." She leaned in, lips brushing against Diana's temple. "I don't think there's anyone in the world who could take my eyes off you, anyway."

Diana leaned into the touch, into the tickle of Akko's lips against her forehead, and sighed. "Why are you so kind?" she asked after a moment, straightening up so she could study Akko's tired eyes. "When all I've done is make things so awful?"

"Reacting to feelings doesn't mean you made everything awful. Well, I take that back, it was awful." Akko frowned and chuckled. "But you're kind, too. You're great. You've been so supportive through a lot of stuff and…" she trailed off, gnawing at her bottom lip in thought. "Next time, just talk to me. Please?"

"There won't be a next time," Diana said quickly. She let out a long breath and squeezed her eyes shut for a few seconds before forcing them open again, dipping her chin as she grit her teeth and added, "I promise, I will never do anything like that ever again."

Akko nodded. She looked almost like she didn't quite believe Diana, like the doubt was still there, but she said nothing and instead squeezed her hand once more.

Diana couldn't blame Akko if she didn't believe her. After all, she'd taken that trust and let it slip away like dust through her fingers. But she was determined, focused. She knew who she wanted, what she wanted. It had just taken messing up, and messing up terribly, to get there.

And she'd spend as long as it took until she scraped up every bit last bit of trust and put it right back where it belonged.

* * *

"Um, what are you doing here?"

Diana froze with her hand in the fridge. She rose slowly, clutching the cold water bottle in her hand and letting the door fall shut to find Sucy standing a few feet away. She did  _not_  look happy.

"I—"

"Are you really over here after what you did to Akko?" Sucy folded her arms across her chest, maroon eyes narrowing at Diana from beneath side-swept lavender bangs. "I'd like to say I can't believe she'd give you the time of day, but it's Akko we're talking about, so we both know that's a lie. She's too nice."

Diana frowned, fingers tightening around the bottle in her hand as she took in the other girl's unsettling stare. "I just… came to talk to Akko," she said, trying to put confidence behind her words but failing miserably. The Confident Cavendish had stepped out for the day and in its place was The Cavendish Who Couldn't.

Sucy plucked a green apple off the counter and tossed it in her hand, leaning against the wall in a way that made Diana very hesitant to even try to step around. "And take advantage of her?"

"No! Of course not." Diana could feel her cheeks growing warm. "I would never—"

"Would never what, Cav? Hurt Akko?" One carefully sculpted eyebrow arched. "Would never do anything to harm her?  _You_ didn't have to deal with her all last week. She wouldn't sleep. Wouldn't eat. Wouldn't do  _anything_. But no, now that it's all taken care of, you're just going to swoop back in and ignore the mess everybody else had to clean."

Ouch.

Diana flinched away from the words, her skin flaring with heat. She reached up and tugged at the neck of her jumper. What could she really say? Sucy was right. "I—I don't intend to…"

"Look, I get it," Sucy cut in. She blew at her bangs before taking a loud, crunching bite of her apple. The juices dribbled down her chin and she swiped them away with the back of her hand. "People make mistakes. You made a big one. It happens." She offered a casual shrug and pushed herself up straight.

Diana opened her mouth, ready to say something, but found a finger sticky from apple juice crash against her lips. "Don't bother," Sucy hissed. "One more chance, Cav. But if you ever, ever hurt that girl again—" She leaned in, breath tickling Diana's ear, her hair. "—I will shave this Barbie hair off your head while you're sleeping and shove it down your throat."

Sucy took a large step back, a smug smile etching across her face as she took one more bite of her apple and turned on a heel just as Akko was wandering down the hall with a,"Diana, did you get lost?"

Maroon eyes glanced between Akko and Diana, finally landing on the brunette with a warmth that Diana had never seen her show. "Akko, you're an idiot," she mumbled before stalking off to her own room, the door rattling against the frame as she slammed it.

"What was that about?" Akko grumbled. She reached forward and took the bottle of water that was sweating against Diana's palm, uncapping it in one swift motion and taking a long swig. "She's not usually that grumpy on a Saturday."

"Just…" Diana hesitated. Blood was still tingling beneath cold skin and she looked away from Akko, down at her bare feet where the girl's thin toes curled up as she rocked back to her heels.

"Just reminding me, that's all."

* * *

Akko's hand was warm in her own as they walked slowly across campus. Icicles hung from the barren branches above, reflecting the last bit of sun that crept from beyond the line of trees that surrounded the university and the stables. The last few patches of leftover snow had nearly melted away and all that remained was brown with bits of dead grass and twigs. It was getting colder and Diana shrank down into her coat, her thumb running over the outside of Akko's cold fingers. It was nice. Quiet. Akko didn't say anything as they walked, just peered around campus as though everything was new and she'd never seen it before. Her tangled brunette hair fell in messy waves from beneath her bomber hat to drape over a colorful scarf that didn't match in the least.

There was hardly anybody else around except for a few students that rushed between buildings, mainly the library and the community center. The world seemed silent around them, their footfalls echoing a mismatched rhythm against the brick pathway. Diana could hear Akko's breaths, slow and long, and occasionally she would playfully blow into the cloud of cold vapor in front of her.

It felt like just the two of them, alone together but sharing their space, and all Diana could think about was the hand in her own and the girl at her side.

She quietly observed Akko, smiling sadly every time the other girl turned to flash her own lopsided grin. Pangs of guilt stabbed her with every stride. She wondered if it would ever settle, if the deep sense of betrayal would ever be gone. Before, everything had been so bright and promising, blinding with hope. Now the world felt dim, like she was watching everything play out through a looking glass with a shadow cast over the lens. She had nobody to blame but herself. She turned her gaze to the ground, her thumb carrying on the rhythm of slow circles against the back of Akko's bony hand as they turned onto the narrow alley that led to her rowhouse.

Diana hesitated at the door. She didn't want to leave Akko. She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts, with her guilt, with herself. She turned, finding Akko gazing curiously back at her. Akko's feet shuffled nervously as she nudged at a pebble and glanced away.

"Do you want to come in for a bit?" Diana asked. "We could watch one of those horrible movies you like. I could make tea. Or supper. Or we could just cuddle for a bit." Her fingers flexed against the tips of Akko's, unwilling to let go, unwilling to lose the contact.

Her fingers were left cold as Akko pulled her hand away to scratch at the back of her neck, forcing a half smile as she eyed the red front door. "Not tonight," she said, lowering her hand and shoving it deep into her pocket. "I really should study, and…" she licked her lips and looked away. "Not tonight."

"Right." Diana nodded, swallowing as she tried to force a frown away. "You need to study. I understand."

"Yes," Akko breathed.

And she would likely need to study the entire next day, too. Diana kicked at the same pebble, the toe of her boot scuffing against the brick. "Akko, what do we do now?"

"What do you mean?" Akko asked. She brought glistening eyes back up, cocking her head slightly to the side in that way she did when she was mulling a thought.

She suddenly felt silly asking. What did it matter what they were? What did a relationship label really even mean except some leftover influence of the patriarchy? But she  _wanted_  to know, she  _needed_  to know, and so she said, "Us. What are we? Where do we go from here?"

"I think…" Akko sighed slowly, hunching into her scarf and blowing out another visible breath of air. "I think that I'm okay with where we're at right now."

What did that mean?

Diana's platinum brows furrowed as she struggled to understand. Akko must have seen, because she clarified with, "Let's just see where everything takes us. You know, on its own."

Diana nodded, looked down at her boots. She still didn't have an answer, at least not the one she wanted, but she had to accept it. It was much easier to pull things apart than to put them back together. Putting things back together took time, effort. Focus. She swallowed. "Okay."

She felt warm breath on her cheek, cold lips press against the skin. Her chest lurched with the contact and she turned hazy blue eyes back up to find Akko's mouth twitching in a weak smile as she settled back down on her heels. She wanted so much more, she wanted to take Akko into her arms and kiss her hard, to not let go, to feel her warm body and soft hair and taste those sweet lips again.

Akko spun to walk away, but Diana stopped her with one final question.

"Akko."

She half-turned, one eyebrow raised in question. "Hm?"

"Can I text you?"

Akko smirked. She pulled out her phone, her thumb flying as she hammered something out. Diana's phone vibrated in her back pocket and she reached for it, watching as Akko offered a surprisingly smooth wink and turned once more, the echoes of her light footsteps fading down the brick walls of the alley.

The streetlamps had come on, the orange flow casting shadows along the walls, the houses, the side of her face. She swiped at her phone and looked down.

> _Akko 17:46_
> 
> _hi, cutie_

And as she watched, a new message popped up.

> _Akko 17:47_
> 
> _I just saw the most beautiful girl._

Diana grinned.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI HELLO i would like to share some fanart that people have made. i can't even believe people are making fanart of this and i'm fangirling so hard over all of it. you guys have been so supportive and lovely through all of this and i appreciate every last comment/review and sticking with the story.
> 
>  **nyannya** made this of diana & mini beatrix: <https://imgur.com/5pmbpaq>
> 
> and **razgrizx86** , as masochist, decided to capture out favorite scene from 33: <https://imgur.com/gHc7kXv>
> 
> also i do have a spotify playlist if anyone cares, the link's below, the songs are chapter by chapter until the end it's just a jumble because i don't write past the current word and i have no idea what's coming next so i just put it together as i go.
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/pipebombdreams/playlist/0jbjpUkyl7ojulbKtsju8K?si=cb2CifEMSiKl9_yqazuS0Q
> 
> love you guys <3
> 
> lux


	40. Studying Diana Cavendish

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

"Akko, wake up."

The voice on the other line was muddled and distant. Akko let the phone drop onto the side of her face, grunting with displeasure at the fact that she had been called so very early.

"Huh?" she barely managed to mumble. Being awake was not on her agenda for the current time. She needed at  _least_ two more hours, if not the entire rest of the day. She'd gone to bed late—Sucy had wanted to watch a movie and Akko's eyes and brain hurt from studying—and so she was completely exhausted. She took a deep breath through her nose, smacking her lips as she lingered in that phase between sleep and wakefulness.

Diana sounded far too awake for whatever time it was. "Please? Meet me at the barn in half an hour. Bring your study material. And don't bother wearing a coat."

"Whaaa?"

"I will come over there and drag you out of bed if I have to," Diana scolded. "Please? It's a lovely day and I have something planned."

"But it's so early," Akko whined. She flexed her fingers against her sheets, sinking into the warmth of her blankets with a sigh. They were so comfortable and the idea of leaving them was not something she wanted to entertain. "Come over here and I'll drag you into bed and then nobody has to do anything they don't want to."

There was a hesitation on the other end, followed by a, "Tempting," and then, "But no. Please? It's past nine." Her voice was soft and cute and there was no way Akko could possibly say no to that.

"Fine," Akko grumbled, rolling over onto her back and letting the phone fall onto the pillow. She left it. "But if this isn't worth being awake I'm gonna be so grumpy with you."

"I'm not worth being awake?" Diana teased. Akko could hear her smile. "I see. Well, if you decide I am, I'll be at the barn."

The line clicked dead.

She still felt half asleep as she stumbled across campus to the barn, her satchel with her Clinical Psych textbook and notes shrugged over her shoulder. It was bright and sunny and way more students were out than she would have expected so early on a Sunday, but Diana was right—there  _was_  no need for a coat—and the sun warmed her face in a way that it hadn't in months. It was nice and felt like spring in December and Akko slowly woke as she walked, taking in the smell of trees and horses as she grew closer to the barn. Even the horses on turn out were feeling good. They ran and played in their pastures, kicking up their heels and bolting along the fence line in groups.

Akko found Diana in Beatrix's stall, bent over as she carefully scraped dirt out from around her frog. She looked quite similar to the first time Akko saw her: tan breeches that hugged the muscles of her legs perfectly, a long sleeve white compression shirt, her padded navy vest. Her hair hung in a loose ponytail, dangling over her shoulder as she focused on her mare's hoof. Beatrix's padded leather bridle hung above the saddle set carefully on the rack just outside the door.

Akko tossed her bag onto Diana's tack trunk and draped over the stall door, ignoring the ache in her wrist when her cast thudded against the wood, and said, "Did you call me out here just to watch you ride?"

Diana turned, a small smile drifting across her pale face as she gently set Beatrix's hoof down. "I was beginning to think you actually did think sleeping was better," she joked. "But, no, not exactly."

"Then why am I here?" Akko whined, throwing her face dramatically down against the top of the stall door. "You woke me up for nothing!"

Diana shrugged, rapping the tip of the hoofpick against the wall to clear the dirt off before tugging open the stall door to retrieve her saddle. "Then go back to sleep and I'll go for a ride by myself."

"We're going for a ride?" A grin burst across her face and she hopped up on her toes. "I'll go get Chariot!"

"I already rode Chariot this morning," Diana said quickly, already buckling the girth as Beatrix stood quietly and nibbled at some of her hay. "And absolutely not. You're riding with me."

"Aw, c'mon," Akko groaned. She huffed and kicked at a dirt clod on the ground. "I should be able to ride my own pony. Besides, my arm only hurts a little sometimes."

"It's broken."

"Yeah, but I get the cast off tomorrow!" she shot back. She pulled Beatrix's bridle off the hook and handed it over the stall door when Diana stepped forward to grab it. "And then I've just gotta wear that stupid brace forever."

"Forever is a tad dramatic," Diana mumbled as she slid the bit between Beatrix's teeth. She tugged the crown up over the mare's floppy ears, affectionately running her fingers through the forelock and situating everything perfectly before buckling the noseband and throatlatch. "I highly doubt you'll still be wearing it by retirement." Blue eyes darted over to catch Akko's with a smug smile. "Grab that bag for me, will you?" she asked as she led Beatrix from the stall.

"What's in here?" Akko grunted as she picked up a bag that weighed much more than she expected. It was almost as heavy as her own. "Are you studying too?"

"No," Diana said. She stopped Beatrix to tighten the girth, scolding her mare with a growl when Beatrix swished her tail and turned with pinned ears and bared teeth. Beatrix snorted, stomping a hoof and straightening back out. "Lunch. A few other things."

Akko grunted an acknowledgment, squinting her eyes as she shouldered Diana's bag along with her own. "What do we need lunch for?" she asked, feeling her head tilt slightly to the side as she followed the blonde down the aisle and out into the bright sun. The grounds were flooded with riders, all out to take advantage of the nice weather, and the sounds of hooves against sand and the wheeze of nostrils was a comforting rhythm that Akko drew in like music she would never tire of.

Diana didn't answer right away. Instead, she stepped up the mounting block and swung gracefully into the saddle, righting herself before turning with a soft smile that made Akko's chest flutter. "Come on," she said, gathering the reins in one hand and stretching the other forward for Akko to grab. "You'll find out."

Akko shrugged, shifting the bags so they were behind her back as she stepped up and took the offered hand to clamber up behind the taller girl. Beatrix's skin was warm beneath her but the feeling of Diana's body was even more comfortable. Akko wrapped her arms around the girl's waist, sighing into her back as Beatrix lurched into a long-strided walk down the center lane.

Diana's hair smelled like lavender and tickled her face as Akko leaned her cheek against her shoulder, letting her body sink into the superfluous motion of Beatrix beneath her and the rolling sway of Diana's torso as she relaxed against her horse.

"Where are we going?" she asked after a moment, watching the other riders as they made their way past the many arenas that housed the different disciplines. Some riders glanced up to look at them, a mixture of curiosity and confusion spelled across their faces. Diana didn't seem bothered by it, and so Akko wasn't, either.

"Somewhere I like to go," Diana replied quietly. She let one hand fall from the reins and found the back of Akko's hand on her waist, threading their fingers together as she leaned back and let Beatrix move freely.

Where the lane started to curve back on itself, Diana urged the large mare onto a dirt path that stretched through the woods. It was wide, well-worn from hooves and feet alike, and still slightly damp from the snow that had melted the day before. Beatrix's shoes squelched into the earth as she bowed her neck and let out a rolling snort in relaxation. The trees were barren, save for the dark green spruce that dotted the modest forest, but birds fluttered rambunctiously overhead and let out long calls from high branches. It was peaceful and quiet, more so as the sounds of chanting riders and yelling instructors faded behind them, and Akko sighed into Diana's neck as she watched the scenery passing slowly by. The bags weighed heavy on her back, but she didn't mind so much.

Their ride wasn't long, but it still made Akko drowsy from comfort. Her eyes felt like lead but she kept them open, savoring the silence, the warmth of both Diana, Beatrix, and the entire day, at the focused stare of Diana as she turned just before crossing a narrow stone bridge that let over a modest stream. Instead, she led them off the beaten path, following the winding cut of the water. Here the grass was lush and soft, almost like Chariot's winter coat, and Beatrix navigated through large rocks and jutting stones that littered the ground around them. After a few moments they reached a small area that was tucked away behind a massive crag, adjacent to the babble of the stream and covered with a thick layer of moss-like grass. Trees surrounded the tiny grove like a protective barrier, but overhead the sun lit the space in a bright, warm glow.

Diana straightened in the saddle and Beatrix immediately responded, coming to a halt and dipping her muzzle to the ground to lip at the grass. "This is it," she said, turning so her lips brushed against Akko's bangs. "You first."

Akko slid carefully down from Beatrix, using Diana's waist and leg for support until her feet hit the ground and she was sure she was stable. Diana followed suit, running the stirrups up and loosening the girth only slightly. "You can set the bags down," she said. "But can you hand me the halter from mine?"

"Sure," Akko muttered. She knelt on the ground as she started rifling through the heavy satchel to dig out the leather halter that Diana had placed next to a blanket. She held it out, watching Diana curiously as she slid the bridle from Beatrix and eased the halter over her head. Beatrix dipped her nose into it, ears flicking back and forth as she eyed the grass greedily. "She won't leave?"

Diana shook her head. "This is one of her favorite places, too." She let go over the halter and the mare lurched away, immediately pressing her lips to the ground as she began to graze contentedly. "She'll be happy for a while."

She laid the blanket out in the sun, settling down on top of it before leaning back on her palms and eyeing Akko. "Is this alright, or would you rather still be asleep?"

"This is fine," Akko said, blushing as she reached up and scratched the back of her neck. She was alone with Diana on a beautiful day and there was nothing but them, the sound of Beatrix snorting and tearing at grass, the harmonic chirping of birds, and the gentle rustle of water around stone and fallen branches. She had to admit it was a pleasant thing to have gotten out of bed for. She glanced around, fighting the heat in her cheeks as she fiddled with the buckle on her satchel. "It's pretty."

Diana hummed from where she sat, bright blue eyes running over Akko in a way that made her quickly look away. She looked so pretty sitting there with her blonde hair radiating in the sun and her flush lips quirked into a small smile. "Come here," she said, nodding at the empty space next to her.

"I—Okay," Akko managed to say through breath that hitched at the way Diana was looking at her. She stumbled over and plopped down beside her, lifting the strap of her bag from around her shoulder and letting it fall limp at her side. It was warm and cozy directly in the sun and Akko took a long, deep breath of fresh air and let it wash over her skin.

"I figured you could use a change of scenery," Diana said, sitting up and hooking her arms beneath her thighs as she turned her gaze to the clear stream that shimmered and waved beneath the sun. "Sometimes I find studying somewhere else helps a bit more."

 _But you're here, and I'm going to just want to stare at you,_ Akko wanted to say. She didn't. She shuffled through her satchel and pulled out her textbook and notes, setting them out in front of her. "But what are you going to do?"

"Just be with you," Diana murmured. Her cheeks reddened and she looked down. "That's enough for me. I, um. I brought wine and some sandwiches for when we're hungry." She dug into her own bag and pulled out a bottle of wine and a couple of plastic cups, holding it up to show Akko. "I thought that maybe we could enjoy the day. It's supposed to be cold again tomorrow."

"It's not even noon," Akko pointed out as she rustled through her notes to find where she'd left off. Nearby, Beatrix raised her head and glanced off at something deep in the woods before she resumed eating.

"Well, if you don't want any," Diana huffed, flushing as she turned away and pulling out her fancy corkscrew, "then I'll just have it by myself."

"I'm kidding." Akko chuckled and pulled out her pen, tossing it onto her notebook as she straightened her back and watched Diana pull out the cork. "Gimme some."

"How mannerly."

The wine was dark and red as Diana poured it into the two cups and held one out. Akko took it, suddenly unsure what to do as though she had never held a drink in her hand before, and stared down into her cup with reservation. Diana took a sip of her own and settled back down, letting out a long sigh as Akko followed suit. It was heavy but soft in her mouth but burned down the back of her throat. She set the cup delicately down in the grass as she got to work studying.

Diana was right, it  _was_ pretty nice to be studying somewhere that wasn't her room. The air between them was peaceful, comfortable, and Akko found herself settling into her thoughts. But they weren't on Clinical Psychology. She had no interest—she'd looked over her notes a thousand times over—and the girl at her side was so distracting that she processed very few of the words that blurred before her. She knew them, well in fact, and could rehearse nearly every theory word for word off the top of her head.

What she  _didn't_  know was Diana Cavendish.

That wasn't to say Akko didn't know her in a sense. She was devoted to her studies, to her riding, to her friends and her family and her estate. She was kind and patient, but her temper could flare in a way that she looked feral in the eyes and was altogether frightening. She was athletic but not as much as Akko, disturbingly intelligent but humble, gorgeous in that quiet way that made her intimidating. She loved true crime novels, if anything could be said from her personal library and the book she had settled down to read, though psychological horror scared her to where she had to sleep with the light on.

Akko's fingers found a small pebble in the grass and she ran stone polished from age through her hands, staring down at her notes as her eyes glazed in thought.

There was so much that she knew about Diana but so much she  _didn't_  know. She was a glacier of a girl, only showing what she wanted people to see, only letting people in but so far before she closed the door and turned them away. Akko's jaw clenched as she tossed the pebble into the stream with a satisfying splash. Ripples ebbed and flowed from where the stone impacted, disturbing the smooth water as they wavered in perfect circles.

Underneath was darkness, the unknown, and Akko wasn't even sure Diana knew what was there. A girl who seemed so self-assured on the surface was nothing but ruins behind her fortifications, nothing but uncertainty and doubt and the unrivaled trepidation of somebody who had been broken far too many times.

The ripples drifted outward and faded to nothing, the water growing clear once more. Akko could see the bottom now, the pile of smooth stones and silt that shimmered in sun's rays.

She sighed.

"Akko?"

She turned to find Diana studying her. How long had she been zoned out? She swallowed hard and ducked her chin.

"Are you alright?"

"Qui—"

"No quid."

"I was just thinking," Akko admitted, picking up her cup to take a sip of wine. It was nearly gone and she swirled the last bit of liquid at the bottom of the cup, pursing her lips.

Diana slipped her glasses off, shut the book, and set both off to the side before leveling Akko with a curious blink. Beatrix had drifted a little ways downstream, still close enough to hear the call of her owner, happily munching away at the fluffy grass. "About what?" she asked. She planted her elbows behind her and leaned back. Akko followed suit, shoving her notes and books aside and laying back on the blanket to let her head fall against the soft fabric, blinking up into the blue sky.

"You," she admitted after a moment. She turned her head to run her eyes over Diana's face, watching as the other girl dropped down along with her and rolled onto her side.

She was so close. Akko could feel her breath against her face, could see the constellation of barely-there freckles around her nose and right under her eyes. She felt pressure on her arm, felt Diana's fingers running gently and affectionately over her bicep. Her skin burned and ached, but she stayed where she was, choosing to observe instead of act.

"What, um… what about me?"

The searing sensation from weeks before that had run through her core that night Diana let her ride Beatrix returned, flaring beneath her skin with a raging fire. And Akko knew what it was. She knew why Diana fogged her mind, why Diana made her feel cold and hot all at the same time, why words sometimes came with great effort and why every movement felt like the fumbling desperation of a newborn colt.

She might have even said that she loved Diana Cavendish.

But how could she say that now? Sure, she did feel love when she looked at the other girl, when their eyes met and those bright blues shimmered back into her own. She wasn't dense, she knew the difference between affection and love. The world fell away when she was with Diana and that was something that she had never felt before.

But, now… now, she didn't really know who Diana was. She loved the parts she could see, she loved the parts that Diana had  _shown_ her, but if she was going to be in love she wanted to love Diana entirely, not just the  _idea_  of Diana. She wanted to love all the parts. Good and bad.

"What kind of music do you listen to?" she heard herself ask.

"What?"

"Well, like, you never listen to anything." Akko's eyebrows stitched together as she studied Diana's confused expression. The fingers dancing on her bicep grew still. "It's always quiet even in your car. But you've got to like  _something_ , right?"

"I don't quite understand why you're asking," Diana replied. "Is that important?"

"It is to me." Akko took a deep breath through her nose and frowned. "I want to know everything about you. I want to know what kind of music you like. And what's your favorite food? Did you have any pets growing up? Well, aside from the horses, obviously, but like… cats. Did you have cats? I had one. Her name was Mana and she was a calico. A fish once, too, but I killed him in like a week because I tried to give him orange soda." She was babbling. Whatever. "And do you like to paint, or write, or do you play any instruments? I've never seen any in your house, but maybe you keep a cello in the closet or something. Or do you like board games or card games or have you ever played any other sports?" Akko turned back up to the sky, rapping a few fingers against her cast. "I don't know anything."

"That's quite a few questions."

Akko's arm grew cold as Diana's hand fell away. The other girl rolled onto her back, jaw clenching as she stared up at the blue sky, at the clouds that sifted slowly through. "Girly stuff, I suppose. Pop. I love a good stew, my mother used to make the best. I never had any pets other than the horses, my Aunt was afraid the furniture would get ruined, but I've always wanted a cat. I like cats. Dogs, too, really." She paused, took a breath. "I… can't remember the rest of the questions. There were a lot. Sports, I think? Just riding, really. I never had time for much else."

Akko nodded. She didn't remember everything she'd asked, either. She let her cast arm fall, the tips of her fingers prodding at Diana's hand. She felt an index finger and thumb gently roll over the exposed tips. "Well, can I know it all?" she asked, turning her head again to study the side of Diana's face. "Like what makes you sad, and what makes you happy, and what makes you really mad but you don't show it?"

She could see the soft skin of Diana's throat rolling with a swallow, the muscles and ligaments in her cheek twitching. Her lips opened, closed gently, and then opened again.

"Yes," she breathed, finally turning to face Akko once more. Her eyes softened as her pupils dilated, a soft puff of air slipping through her nostrils. "You can know anything you want."

There was a buzzing in Akko's brain, a nervous whining that drawled in the space behind her eyes, and she felt fingers still against her own. The world felt silent around them, even Beatrix nothing but a distant memory. Akko found herself staring at pale pink lips, at the way they fell slightly open and quivered as Diana quietly said, "Akko?"

"Yeah?" Her voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper as she pulled her gaze back up, back to the ones she knew so well but knew so little, and took a shaky breath.

"Can I…" Fingers twitched against her own once more, nervous and unconscious. "Can I kiss you?"

A deep blush rolled like storm clouds into Diana's cheeks as she desperately searched red eyes. Akko could feel her own chest lurching with heavy heartbeats, each slow and quivering breath ringing loud in her ears.

"I would like that," she whispered.

Diana lifted herself up onto her elbow. Her fingers moved up to trace gently over Akko's temple, pushing her fringe away from her eyes and sifting through her hair. She leaned in, tantalizingly slow, and with a moment that seemed to linger a lifetime Akko could feel her entire body reacting and struggled not to just surge forward, not to just crash into Diana's lips the way she once had before.

But she didn't. This wasn't the time for reckless abandon, for a wild show of unleashed passion. As much as she wanted it she would wait, she would revel in the moment and the way Diana's fingers twitched in her hair and the way her eyelids fell heavy as she looked at her. Akko would let Diana come to her.

She tilted her chin up, an affirmation, and Diana took the signal and closed the gap. Her lips were soft and hesitant at first but then grew more confident as Akko slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her in, kissed her back slowly and tenderly and in all the ways she thought Diana  _wanted_  to be kissed. The ways she thought Diana  _needed_  to be kissed. The ways she thought Diana  _should_ be kissed.

After a long moment Diana broke away, her breath coming in short gasps and her lips still tickling against Akko's as her eyes fluttered open and she said, "Thank you."

Thank you. What kind of comment was that? A half-smile danced across Akko's lips as she chuckled. "Uh-huh."

Diana's cheeks turned even more red as she fell away, drifting back to her own side of the blanket with a long exhale. "You should... get back to studying," she said slowly, blowing a loose strand of blonde out of her eyes that Akko very much wanted to move for her. So she did. She reached up, fingers brushing gently across Diana's forehead as she tucked the wayward piece of hair behind her ear. Diana offered a small smile, one so pretty and fleeting that every muscle in Akko's body ached to see it again.

"I don't want to study anymore," Akko said, feeling herself redden with the statement. "I can't anymore. I know as much as I can. Can we just..." she hesitated, fire lighting her cheeks. "Can we just keep kissing?"

"Yes." Diana's voice was a breathy exhale and she dipped back down, almost as though she had been waiting all along, as though she had been expecting Akko to forgo her studies in favor of this. And of course Akko did. It was true, there was nothing more that she could learn that she didn't already know. She had been through her notes countless times, had memorized each theory and term, had quizzed herself relentlessly until she thought she had everything down.

The day was perfect and so was the girl and so when Diana leaned down and captured her lips once more she dove into it, quiet and slow, taking her time as Diana moved with a gentle pressure that chilled Akko's blood, that made her skin ache, that made her close her eyes and disappear into the kiss, into the moment, into the girl.

No, she would still study. But something that she  _wanted_  to learn, something that she  _ached_ to learn. And so they kissed long after their lips had chapped and the wine had gone all but forgotten. They talked about everything and nothing at all until their throats were dry from use and Beatrix was making her second round of picking through grass. They lay together, enjoying the warmth of the day and the peace of the grove, simply enjoying.

Slowly, and with great care, as though she was handling the most fragile item in the world—and maybe she was, at that moment—Akko studied Diana Cavendish.

* * *

The exam was harder than she imagined it would be.

She had studied again that night when she returned to her dormitory, desperately cramming as much information as she could into her head, but she knew that there was nothing more she could do. No, she would either ace it or fail completely—failure, of course, being anything beneath an A—and so she'd gone to bed with a nervous anxiety that she had never before felt over schoolwork.

And now she was panicking.

She stared down at the questions, her mind blanking as she desperately pressed her palm to her forehead and read and re-read the current question she was stuck on. Her fingers threaded into her hair, tugging as though she might release that compartment of her brain that held the exam material for Clinical Psych. She had studied everything she could possibly could based on her notes, scrutinized each line of the chapters, and yet these questions were laid out in a way that took everything she had learned and made her  _think_ about it.

Okay, maybe that was the point. But  _still._

Akko took a deep breath. Then another. And another. She glanced up. She could see Avery and Hannah nearby, both scribbling furiously on their own exam sheets. Her eyes flicked back down and she steeled herself.

She was Akko Kagari. Akko Kagari might have failed at a lot of stuff, but she did not fail at things that she wanted as badly as this.

The exam was multiple choice with a free essay as the last question. She flipped to the last page, swallowing hard as she read the free-form question typed across the top of a blank page:

_Describe Carl Rogers' approach on humanistic psychology and the three conditions upon which he determines to be crucial in a successful patient/therapist environment. Provide examples for each._

Carl Rogers. Humanistic psychology. Throw everything in that pot, stir it together, hope that it blends just right and that maybe, just maybe, that acceptance could be established, that trust could be built, and the outcome would be positive.

She closed her eyes, thought of Diana. She thought of blue eyes, of blonde waves, of soft lips that pressed gently against her own and begged to be answered with kindness. She thought of the girl warm in front of her as she wrapped her arms around a soft waist and felt Beatrix swaying beneath her, of the scent of grass and pine, of the quiet rustling of a babbling brook. She thought of ripples against still water, of smooth rocks glistening beneath, of red wine filling her mouth and fingers dancing hesitantly against her own. She thought of the last text she had gotten, a simple, " _Good luck, Akko, I know you can do it._ "

She did not think of Skittles, though she ate them anyway, chewing thoughtfully as she mulled her answers.

In the span of a moment, Akko felt a sudden rush of clarity that she hadn't had at all since the exam had left the professor's hand and hit her desk.

With her eyes narrowed in determination and a sudden wave of excitement flaring beneath her skin, Akko buckled down and started writing. And, when she was finished, when the messy scrawl of knowledge had been gathered onto a single page that she would ultimately never see again, she turned back to where she was stuck.

And everything else came easy.


	41. The First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry this took so long. i've been stressed out at work & on top of that had writer's block and then when i finally wrote this my computer deleted it so i had to re-write the entire thing.
> 
> either way, i hope it scratches an itch or something.

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

Diana's first kiss had been nothing like her first kiss with Akko. There hadn't been that build up of tension, that feeling of desperate need that had culminated in complete and utter relief when Akko charged into Beatrix's stall that night and kissed her. In fact, it had almost been planned in that unplanned sort of way, an arrangement of sorts, and honestly Diana hadn't ever expected anything to come from it. Certainly not Chloe in the way that she came to know her, certainly not Chloe in the way she  _now_  knew her.

Chloe had been spending the night at the Manor. It was nothing out of the ordinary—as best friends, they often spent the night at each others homes—and so this night was just as typical as every other time. It was late and they were curled under the sheets of Diana's bed, watching some benign show on the telly just like they usually did. Chloe's bare legs had entwined with hers long ago and she had slumped next to her, her head resting comfortably against Diana's shoulder. She was often affectionate and Diana never complained. Her mother had been long since gone and perhaps she was attention starved, perhaps the physical closeness brought her a level of comfort, and so she rarely denied Chloe's actions.

Besides, Chloe was just as affectionate with Andrew. The three were close, a triad of friends, and rarely were they seen without each other. The son and daughter of wealthy politicians, the heiress to a great estate: it only made sense that they shared life experiences that they could each relate to.

They were the only ones Diana had discussed her sexuality with. And though she had left it like a question mark over her head when she'd confessed, the doubt that had lingered in her mind for so many years was long since gone. Andrew and Chloe certainly never teased her for it. They were much too mature, much too aware of their behavior and would never go as far as to say something uncouth, even in jest.

So everything was... normal.

Until Chloe shifted against Diana and said, "Hey, Diana?"

Asking questions was Chloe's forte—she liked to treat Diana as a human Google—and so Diana had only hummed in response, expecting something much along the same lines.

"I kind of want to try something."

One platinum eyebrow arched quizzically as she turned to look at her friend. She had never been really physically attracted to Chloe. She wasn't much of Diana's type. Too girly, too high maintenance, and... well, too straight, really. But that night there was something of a spark in those deep brown eyes and it seemed like Chloe herself was looking at her in a different way, like there was something there that she never noticed before.

"What's that?" she asked.

"I want to kiss you," Chloe had replied without an ounce of hesitation.

"Pardon?" Diana's eyes widened as she sat up a little straighter. She couldn't possibly be serious, right? Sure, Chloe was really into platonic intimacy, but this was a whole new road that she'd never gone down.

Chloe took a deep breath. Was she blushing? "Just to... see what it's like, you know? I've never kissed a girl before and, well, you've never kissed anybody before, so why not practice with me?"

Diana felt her throat lurch and something much like a grunt and a choke came out. She desperately searched those deep brown eyes, looking for some semblance of a prank (Chloe was very apt to pranks) or maybe a test of sorts (Chloe was very apt to friend tests). But there was nothing there other than sincerity and maybe a little bit of worry.

"I..." Diana licked her lips, her muscles stiffening as she felt herself nodding slowly. "Okay."

Why had she agreed? She had never had any kind of non-platonic thoughts about Chloe before. They were friends, friends that may have been cut from the same mold but were so very different in so many ways. But she knew that her first kiss would come at some point, her first  _real_  kiss, and so she desperately didn't want to fail and the offer was right in front of her-

And practicing with Chloe made sense. She was her best friend, so she definitely wouldn't judge her if she was terrible at it. In fact, she'd kissed a lot of guys before, so she was probably really  _good_  at it and could provide a lot of tips if Diana was absolutely garbage.

So she'd agreed.

Chloe's fingernails scraped across her neck, winding through her hair as she slowly sat up and leaned forward. Diana froze—she didn't know what to do—and simply waited, blue eyes wide with disbelief that this was  _actually happening_ and she was about to kiss her  _best friend._

Chloe's lips met hers softly, hesitantly, and everything else just came naturally. Diana felt herself sinking into the kiss, her lips moving on instinct as Chloe slowly deepened the contact. She brought her hands to Chloe's shoulders, just for something to hold onto, really, and let her eyes flutter shut. Her whole body felt like a relieved sigh and she didn't want it to end, it was so nice and so slow and so quiet and just so very  _pleasant_ and God her lips were soft and her peppermint chapstick made Diana's skin tingle-

Chloe broke away, her flushed lips parting as she let out a long breath, her eyes flickering open to meet blue. "Wow," she whispered, her fingernails brushing against Diana's scalp as she gripped blonde waves a little tighter. "Your lips are so soft."

"I..." Diana laughed nervously, clenching her hands a little tighter on Chloe's shoulders. "Thank you?"

"Uh, I think I'd like to... keep doing this. Is that alright?"

"Yes," Diana said quickly, finally moving her still muscles so that they weren't frozen beneath her own skin as she licked her lips and moved forward. "I'm alright with that."

This time there was more, a desperate mix of tongue that at first Diana was shy about but slowly embraced and, God, she had never felt this way about Chloe but suddenly there was a tug on her lower abdomen and she couldn't help but moan into the lips against hers and Chloe moaned  _too_  and good Lord she was most  _definitely_  gay and that night just served to solidify everything-

Akko was different.

Akko was not an experimentation. She was not the result of bicuriosity or whatever Chloe had on her mind that night. She was not the result of young temptation, of a simple desire to solidify her identity, of youthful boredom. Akko was something that she had wanted since the moment she saw her. She was the result of a girl who caught Diana's attention immediately because she was everything Diana pictured herself with. Akko was the girl who made her heart flutter, who made her worry about how she looked and how she smelled and how to make things just  _right_  because she wanted everything to be perfect.

So, if she was being honest with herself, Akko was her first  _real_  kiss. It had been the kiss that she'd dreamed of, the one that set an explosion of light off inside her skull, that had made her skin burn with relief because it was finally happening and she had wanted it for so  _long_.

But it wasn't just that first kiss in Beatrix's stall that made her feel like that. No, it was every kiss, every time, and even the thought of Akko's lips against hers made her bring her fingers to her mouth because she still felt that phantom tingle, that ghost of lightning that shot through her veins. Her heart would beat faster, her breath would seize in her throat, her eyes would flutter shut at the noise whining through her head.

She had wanted Akko.

She hadn't wanted Chloe. Not until she made herself available, until she threw herself into Diana's field of vision with glaring lights and obnoxious horns. And yes, she fell in love with Chloe—how could she not?-but now she was realizing that Chloe was nothing more than a stepping stone, nothing more than a learning curve on a path that led straight to Akko.

Well, she hoped Akko. It  _felt_  like Akko.

And so when Diana found herself thinking of Chloe that night as she lay in her bed and stared up long after she should've been asleep, at the shadows that the waning moon cast across her ceiling, she did not feel the need to run. She did not feel the urge to get away, to end things, to flee like her heart depended on it.

Instead, she rolled over, burying her face into the side of Mini Beatrix as she plucked up her mobile and squinted into the bright light that glared back at her. Her last message had been from Akko, a .gif of a cat sticking it's tongue out along with a goodnight message, and she typed her own out. Sure, it was late, but Akko could get it in the morning. Maybe it would even make her smile when she woke up.

> _Diana 01:16_
> 
> _Hi. I'm thinking about you._

She needed to sleep. She had a class early in the morning and so did Akko and so when her mobile vibrated in her hand she was a little bit confused but very much screaming on the inside when she swiped the screen and Akko had said:

> _Akko 01:17_
> 
> _what a coincidence_
> 
> _me too :3_

Diana smiled in a way that Chloe had never made her smile, her chest clenched in a way that she had never felt with Chloe, and she wondered how in the world she had ever missed that, how in the world she had ever missed that what she felt for Akko was so very different than how she ever felt with Chloe,

how in the world she had ever missed that Akko was  _real_.

* * *

_Design a Treatment Plan for an Elderly Pony With a History of Laminitis_

It was an easy enough care plan that wasn't due for another week. Diana hunched low over her notebook, sketching out a box for each day, broken into three parts for three meals, and began her assessment of the necessary proteins, minerals, and forage that would be essential to the subject's diet. Caring for ponies seemed easy from the outside looking in. They were small and thus ate smaller amounts, but at the same time were high susceptible to a painful disease called laminitis. Even a pony such as Chariot had to be monitored closely: her grain had to be portioned correctly, she wasn't allowed to indulge in rich grass like the larger horses, and her weight could never be above a certain threshold. Thus Diana thought of Chariot as she wrote out the plan that she would later transfer to her computer for a more professional look, picturing the small chestnut mare years later except it was up to Diana to keep her safe for Akko.

Imagining Chariot as her subject made her a little more attentive than she would have liked to admit she'd be otherwise.

It was cold again, but nevertheless Diana relaxed on the icy stone surrounding the statue of Chariot du Nord. Hippotherapy was next—Akko said she'd wrapped up her workout and was headed down soon—and so Diana had decided to study in her favorite spot while she waited. And, sure, it wasn't as warm as it had been during the weekend, but the sky was clear and the sun warmed her face so it wasn't all that bad. Besides, she was anxious to hear about how Akko's exam had gone that morning.

Until a certain voice grated her ears.

"Yo! Gayvendish!"

Bloody hell.

Diana froze with her pen against her paper, pressing the heel of her hand into her forehead as she let out an audible sigh, letting her notebook fall shut in her lap as she looked up. The girl was hardly dressed for the weather—a flannel with not even a coat over top—and she shoved her hands deep into her jean pockets as she ran a hand through wayward red hair and grinned.

"Hello, Amanda," Diana greeted, though she couldn't even force a friendly tone. Sure, she and Amanda had been getting along better as of late, but anytime the other girl greeted her with Gayvendish... well, it never boded well.

Amanda's trademark smirk etched across her lips. "Heard you and Gaygari are back at it."

Diana frowned, looking down at her hands. They were dry from the cold and she desperately needed lotion. "I suppose," she replied, her tone neutral as she actively avoided Amanda's intense stare. "Though I hardly think that's any of your business."

"Well, it is my business when one of my favorite people cries in front of me for an hour," Amanda shot back. She plopped down, uninvited, at Diana's side and crossed her legs at the ankles. "And it is my business when I see her get her hopes back up like she is now."

Diana pursed her lips, rapping her pen against the front of her notebook as she threw a desperate glance towards the main doors of Akko's dormitory.  _Come on, Akko._  "I assure you I don't intend to-"

"Smash her heart into smithereens again?" Amanda effectively cut her off as though she had anticipated Diana to say just that. She quirked an eyebrow and nudged Diana with her elbow. "I'll believe it when I see it, Gayvendish."

"Look, Amanda-" Diana let out a heavy sigh, straightening her back and tensing her jaw as she glanced at her watch. They had ten minutes to get to Hippotherapy, and if Akko waited much longer they were going to be late. "Is there a reason you're here? Other than reminding me of my mistakes, that is?"

"Yeah, I guess," Amanda mumbled, her smirk slowly disappearing as she turned her gaze down. "I wanted to say good on you for realizing and fixing it. I guess. Not to say that as a compliment. You definitely messed up bigtime and I still want to kick your ass, but..." she trailed off, gnawing at her lip as she brought squinted green eyes back up to meet blue "I'm glad you didn't go down the same path that Hannah and I did."

Diana didn't reply. Even the thought of that whole scenario and the gnawing realization that it could have been her and Akko made her stomach turn. She took a long breath and shrank a bit into the neck of her jumper as Amanda continued.

"Don't get me wrong. I don't think you deserve Akko at all. But I'm glad you're at least trying."

Ouch. That hurt. Diana frowned, twirling a long piece of hair around her index finger as she stared intently at her boot and the toe that was kicking into the brick. "Do you honestly think I don't know that?" she said at last, swallowing hard as she met Amanda's eyes. "I don't need you to point it out for me."

Of course she knew that she didn't deserve Akko. She didn't even deserve a second chance with Akko in the least. And, yet, there she was, vying for exactly that. But the last thing she needed was Amanda O'Neill telling her that. The  _last_  thing she needed was  _all_  of her friends telling her that. Which... they had.

"Amanda!"

Hannah was beaming as she burst through the doors of the nearest building. Amanda shot up at Diana's side, her entire demeanor changing as her mischievous smirk morphed into a bright smile.

"Hey, babe. You done for the day?"

"Yup." Hannah stretched out her hand, her grin never faltering as Amanda took it like it was the most natural place in the world. She barely passed a glance at Diana, offering a, "Oh, hey, Diana," before whispering something in the redhead's ear and tugging her away. She and Hannah still weren't exactly on good terms, and at times the small talk and forced greetings felt petty at best, but she was glad that she wasn't still getting the silent treatment. That was an improvement, at least.

She sighed, her gaze trailing after them as they went. At the hands that linked tight together, at the arms that swung between them, at the gentle lean of Amanda's shoulder against Hannah as they laughed about something Diana wasn't privy to. Likely her.

Hannah and Amanda had been at odds for over half a year. There had been nothing but nasty insults, nothing but childish behavior that only seemed to grow over time, and yet...

Looking at them now, at how happy and carefree and in love they seemed, it was almost as though it never happened. How had they gotten to that point? How had they just accepted everything that happened between them and moved on so easily?

But Diana supposed that, in the end, they had both been at fault. They had both run. They had both hurt each other. They had done it  _together._

Akko had done nothing wrong. And Amanda was right, she didn't deserve Akko. Not in the least. She started shoving her belongings back into her satchel, her jaw rolling with thought at the words the other girl had spoken.

"Dianaaa!"

Despite her thoughts, the happy lilt of Akko's voice made a smile flutter across her lips. She stood, tossing the strap of her bag over her shoulder as she composed herself and glanced up to find Akko strutting along the path that led from the dormitory. Her teeth flashed in a genuine grin as she lifted her arm and waved. The fiberglass cast that she'd worn for so many weeks was finally gone, replaced with a smaller black brace that gave her more freedom of motion. She was nearly prancing by the time she got to Diana, freezing in front of the taller blonde with one hand shoved into the pocket of her coat.

"Hi," Akko huffed, smile never faltering as red eyes met blue. Diana felt a surge, a bolt of lightning through her system, and her previous interaction with Amanda was all but forgotten.

"Hi," Diana said back, white knuckling the strap across her chest. "How did the exam go?"

"It went good," Akko chirped, bouncing on her toes. "I think I aced it."

"Well," Diana corrected, ignoring the confused look that slid like a shadow across Akko's face before adding, "And I'm glad."  
"Yeah!" The corner of Akko's mouth was pulling up further in one corner in that adorable way that dimpled her cheek. She passed a hand through soft brunette hair before holding her brace-adorned wrist out, wincing as she waggled fingers in Diana's face. "And check this out!"

There was a tan line around the base of her hand from the cast and the skin looked more dry than Diana's hands felt. "How's it feel?" she asked, though she already knew the answer by how pained Akko looked just moving her fingers.

"Great," Akko lied, forcing her smile to return. "How about we give this baby a test drive?"

A fresh fire lit Diana's cheeks as she stared, open mouthed, eyebrows stitching together in confusion. "A-Akko, I don't... I don't think it's wise to..." she stuttered, frowning at her own sudden lack of composure. It didn't help that Akko had taken a step back and was  _laughing_ at her.

"Wow, lewd much?" Akko reached down and seized Diana's hand, the thick fabric of the brace pressing against her palm as Akko's thin fingers pressed weakly against her own. "Get your mind out of the gutter."

If it was possible to turn more red, she did. Akko was smirking at her, clearly pleased with herself.

"C'mon, Diana. We're gonna be late," she said at last, offering another small squeeze of her fingers and failing to hide the grimace that came with it.

Diana glanced down at their hands, at the soft skin of fingers that held hers tight despite the pain, and felt a warmth rush through her body. She thought of Amanda and Hannah, of the many long months of disparity the two shared and the way, not moments ago, they held hands and smiled at each other as though they saw nobody else. It was like everything that happened between them didn't matter, like it was all forgotten.

And then there was Akko, whose carefree grin sparkled in her crimson eyes as she tugged Diana to the Equine Studies building, their hands linked together as though nothing else mattered, as though  _no one_  else mattered.

It didn't matter if Diana didn't deserve Akko because that could be changed with time, with effort, with focus and self-reflection. It didn't matter if Amanda or anybody else thought that Diana didn't deserve a second chance because she  _had_  that chance and she wasn't going to let it go to waste.

No, none of that mattered. Only the hand that held her own, the girl that walked at her side, the bright red eyes that smiled up at her.

No, she didn't deserve Akko.

But she would do everything it took to make sure that one day she did.

* * *

Diana stared at her MacBook, frowning at the words she'd written on the description of her nutrition plan before erasing the whole paragraph and starting anew. Though she'd already carefully designed the meal-to-meal guide, she was finding it difficult to actually put down in words her intentions behind each ounce of grain, behind each specific supplement. And she knew that it was something that  _shouldn't_ be difficult. After all, she knew the material like the back of her hand. Though, the fact that Akko's shoulder was resting up against her own had her quite out of sorts.

They lay on Akko's bed, both propped against the headboard as Diana typed away at her project and Akko worked on studying material for an upcoming Behavioral Psych exam. Akko was silent as she perused her textbook, legs crossed underneath her as she folded over herself and guided her reading with her index finger.

"Do you want to come over and study?" Akko had asked after Diana had finished riding Beatrix and, since Diana knew she would go home and do nothing but think of Akko instead, had readily (read: faux hesitantly) agreed.

It had been two hours and Akko had barely budged aside from stretching her arms over her head. It was the longest Diana had actually seen her sit down and focus on something and, though she secretly wanted more attention than the textbook was getting, she found herself rather proud of Akko's scholarly determination.

So when Akko's voice broke the silence between them, it startled her.

"How's it going?"

Diana felt her skin shiver at the sudden voice and her head shot up, fingers freezing over the keyboard as she turned her gaze to meet Akko's.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." She chuckled and scratched at the back of her neck. "You've been awfully quiet."

Diana smiled sheepishly, feeling a warm blush cropping up in her cheeks as she said, "I didn't want to disturb your studying. You seem rather focused."

"So do you," Akko replied. She quickly looked away, back down to her textbook, and grew silent once more. Her index finger resumed its scanning of each sentence, lips moving as she mouthed the words to herself. Diana watched for a moment before attempting to force her attention back to her project.

The weight against her shoulder grew as Akko slouched next to her, a puff of a breath slipping through the other girl's nostrils as she let her book fall in her lap and raised her head. Fingers slid over Diana's knee and she glanced up, one platinum brow quirked as she met Akko's soft eyes.

"Hey," Akko said, her voice barely above a whisper, and leaned in.

Diana felt her blood stutter. A surge of electricity coursed through her veins as she tilted her head to meet Akko's lips. She drew a quick breath at the contact before sighing into the body beside her, into the slow, gentle movement of the kiss, into the fingers that lifted and traced along the side of her jaw and into her hair.

Everything inside of her was stirring.

But Akko drifted away.

"Sorry," Akko whispered. She didn't sound sorry at all. "I've been waiting for so long and I figured you weren't going to do it, so I-"

"I didn't know you were waiting," Diana replied quickly. She swallowed her hitched breath, feeling fingernails scratching against her scalp as Akko slowly let her hand fall, tangled and tugging at her wavy blonde hair. "I would've kissed you a long time ago."

Akko hummed, a fire stoking her cheeks as her hand pulled away completely and she looked down. A few seconds of silence stretched between them before she said, "You... you do  _want_  to, right?"

"Kiss you?" Diana couldn't stop the chuckle that erupted from her throat. "Of course I do."

"Okay." Akko nodded, sliding her hand over Diana's knee once more to offer a tentative squeeze. "Okay," she said again, though she didn't sound entirely convinced. "Good."

Diana frowned, moving her hand from her keyboard to cover Akko's. "Do I not seem like I do?"

"I dunno," Akko murmured. She shrugged, her shoulder rolling against Diana's. "I just don't want to be wrong or overstep or read things wrong or-"

Diana rushed forward, capturing Akko's lips with her own, feeling a warm, startled breath coasting over her face as Akko froze. The other girl's muscles stiffened before slowly relaxing, her hand turning beneath Diana's to tickle at her palm.

When they finally broke away, Akko let her head fall back against her headboard, sighing contentedly as a half-smile slid across her lips. "Good," she breathed, nodding. "Yes."

Diana gnawed at her bottom lip as she turned away, shutting her laptop and pushing it off to the side. She wrapped her fingers through Akko's and hesitated before saying, "Hey, Akko. I've been meaning to talk to you about something."

"Oh." Akko pulled back, her head cocking to the side in that adorable way she tended to do when she was confused, and pushed her textbook off her lap. It fell off her bed in a flutter of pages and Diana knew very well that neglect likely damaged the spine, but she said nothing. "Uh, what's that?"

Diana focused on Akko's hand. She traced a finger over the lifelines that adorned the soft skin of her palm, carefully considering her words before they left her mouth. "That... night you spoke with your parents. You said..." she trailed off, wondering if she should continue, wondering if she actually even  _wanted_  to know the answer. "You said you wished you hadn't been born wrong." She lifted her gaze, met the very confused spark behind Akko's ruby eyes. "Did you mean that?"

There was a long quiet, a staredown where Akko's searching eyes studied her own before she said:

"Huh?"

Diana felt her brow knit. She blinked. "That night you talked to your mum," she said. "Before, um..."

"Oh. Oh, right. That." Akko chuckled nervously, her fingernails scraping gently against Diana's hand as she curled her fingers. "I dunno. I mean, it sucks, you know?" She forced a half-smile and met Diana's eyes. "You don't know. I get that. It's different over here." Her smile fell to a frown and she looked back down, at their hands, at their interlocking fingers. "It's not okay where I'm from. My parents are surprisingly... okay. I mean it still sucks, but it could be worse."

Diana tightened her grip on Akko's fingers, holding her gaze on the side of the girl's face while she mulled her words behind her lips. Waiting. Listening.

"I don't  _not_  like who I am," she said after a moment, tilting her chin up in thought. "I do and I wouldn't  _change_ that. I don't think I'm wrong I just wish-" She paused again and Diana could see the sheen of tears coating her eyes. Bloody hell, she definitely shouldn't have asked this. She hadn't been expecting to upset Akko. "I just wish I wasn't wrong to everybody else. To my parents."

Akko's nose twitched and she brought her chin down, pulling her hand away from Diana's to swipe at her eyes with her palms. "I'm sorry. It's stupid. I know it should be easy and I should just embrace things and say hey, Okaasan, Otousan, forget you, this is who I am." The corners of her mouth were tugging into a deep frown as she searched Diana's eyes like she held the answer somewhere within her. "And I didn't realize it bothered you so much. I'm sorry. I just... want my parents to love me. You get that, right?" Her eyes widened as she realized what she said. "I mean— _kuso_ ," she hissed, pulling her hand away and closing it into a fist. "I didn't mean to—I wasn't thinking-"

"Akko." Diana brought her hand up, cupped Akko's cheek. "It's okay. You're right. I don't understand." She clenched her jaw, moving in to press her forehead to Akko's. "But I want to."

A fleeting smile slid across Akko's face as she huffed a breath of warm air over Diana's lips. "You don't have to get it," she whispered, eyes softening as they gazed into blue. "Just stay, would you?"

"I can do that. This time, I can do that." Diana nodded, pressing a brief kiss to the corner of Akko's lips.

"Okay." Akko nodded, squeezing her eyes shut and threading their fingers together once more, grimacing as she squeezed despite the pain in her wrist. "Good."

"If you want me to stay tonight-" Diana pulled away, smiling nervously as she toyed with Akko's fingers. "If you meant in  _that_  way, I can stay, too."

"No," Akko said quickly, bursting into laughter that instantly brightened her eyes once more. "I did  _not_  mean it like that, lewd-o. I have an exam tomorrow and you-" She prodded her finger into Diana's bicep. "You are a distraction."

"I didn't mean-"

Diana huffed, blushing furiously.

But she had meant it. She didn't want to run anymore. She would stay because she had a reason to, because she  _wanted_  to. Cultural insecurities be damned. It didn't matter anymore.

She would stay because Akko was worth it. She should have known that a long time ago.

And when those soft lips pressed against hers once more, quiet and comfortable and drowning out the world around them, it felt like their first kiss all over again.


	42. Mutiny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @tibbsgirl @tibbsgirl @tibbsgirl

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

"Diana!"

Akko knew she shouldn't have squealed into the phone, but she couldn't help it. She clutched the paper holding her exam grade in her hand, throwing herself down on her bed and holding it above her to stare up at the bright red mark. Her freshly wet hair splayed across the pillow and the sheets felt refreshing against her warm skin. It was back to freezing outside and a hot shower had felt incredible after the barn. It was even better now that she could take her brace off and actually wash her wrist.

She rested one hand on her abdomen and sighed, unable to contain the grin that spread across her face. She could hear shuffling on the other end of the line followed by an, "Akko? Is everything alright?"

"Yes!" Akko exclaimed. She paused, holding her phone away to look at the time. It was barely past eight. "Wait, you weren't sleeping, were you?"

"Of course not," Diana huffed. "I'm polishing up the rest of this project. What's going on? Is something wrong?"

Akko growled, flopping around on her messy bed as she turned and smiled into the pillow. "No. Nothing's wrong. I got my exam back today."

There was a long quiet at the other end of the line. Finally, Diana said, "Well, you sound happy, so I'm assuming you did well?" Akko could hear the sound of the other girl's MacBook clicking shut.

"Yesss!" Akko rolled onto her back, unable to hold still. "I got a 97! I would've gotten a perfect score but I missed two questions and that's okay because it's the best I've ever done!" She held back a squeal, waving the stack of papers in her hand before tossing them unceremoniously onto the floor in a flutter. "That means I'm not gonna have to leave Luna Nova! Yet, anyway."

Diana chuckled. Akko could hear the smile in her voice when she said, "You won't have to leave Luna Nova. But that's incredible, Akko. I'm proud of you. You studied very hard."

"Thanks," Akko chirped, her chest throbbing at the very thought of Diana being proud of her. "I would've told you at the barn but I didn't get a chance to see you." She had tried to find her after Games practice—sometimes Diana would wait just to chat for a bit—but that night the girl had been long gone.

"I'm sorry," Diana apologized. "I would have stayed, but I wanted to get back quickly so I could wrap this up and study a bit." She could hear more movement, the sound of a thump, a sigh, and Akko knew she'd just thrown herself in bed. "We'll have to celebrate," Diana added. "What would you like to do?"

Akko's lip curled in thought. Finally, a slow smirk slid across her lips. "I can think of something."

"Last Wednesday this weekend, perhaps?"

"Not quite what I had in mind," Akko murmured, slinking under her covers and glancing over at her door to make sure it was locked. "I was thinking something a little more personal."

"Oh?" Diana sounded confused at first, but then let out a much shorter, much more surprised. "O-Oh. I... um. Like, just the two of us? I could think of somewhere to take you or-"

"Still not what I had in mind. I was thinking of something a little more self-indulgent." Akko smirked to herself. She took a breath before asking, "Want to come over?"

"Oh," Diana repeated, but this one came out as more of a breath. "I—I wish I could, Akko, but I still have a bit of studying to do and I promised Barbara I would review her essay later tonight."

"You don't have to stay," Akko murmured. "You could just come over for... a little bit. Or we could meet in the middle." She chuckled. "I know it's cold outside, but we could, uh, heat things up."

Diana hummed. She let out a long breath that made Akko squirm. "I don't have to come over," she whispered, and Akko could  _swear_  she heard one of Diana's low, breathy moans. "We could just make do for now."

Akko frowned, letting the phone fall next to her head as she tried to wrap her mind around what Diana was saying. "What do you mean?" she finally asked, feeling a little like something was very much flying over her head.

"Touch yourself." Diana's voice was husky in that way it usually got when she was turned on. Akko felt her breath catch in her throat. Had she really just said what Akko thought she said?

" _Huh_?" Akko squeaked.

"You heard me," Diana said. Akko could hear shifting, another low groan. "Touch yourself and tell me all the things you want to do to me."

"Are you... are you..." Akko choked on the rest of her words, her jaw slack as she struggled to keep her breath steady. She stared at the phone as though it was a foreign object, listening, struggling to figure out what in the world she was supposed to do with this.

She didn't reply for so long that Diana finally said, "I'm sorry. That... was really out of line. I thought—I thought maybe..." Akko could hear the cringe in her voice, followed by a low groan. "I'm so humiliated."

"No, no. No! It's okay," Akko said quickly. She swallowed. "I just, uh, I've never done this and I don't know what I'm supposed to do and please don't be embarrassed because-" She gnawed at her lip. "Because that was really hot."

A pause. A relieved breath. "Okay. Just... follow my lead, then."

Akko nodded, even though it was really just to herself, and slowly slid her good hand below the waist of her shorts. "Okay," she said, letting out a long breath she brushed her fingers against herself. "I—I am."

"Are you wet?"

Akko could feel a bright flame burning her cheeks and she squeezed her eyes shut, letting her lips part the tiniest bit as she breathed, "Y-yes. Are—are you?"

"Very," Diana said. Her breath came a little louder, a little more ragged, and Akko kept her eyes firmly shut and pictured her, blonde hair spread everywhere, pupils blown, fingers working on herself as low, lewd moans left her mouth. The very image was so hot that Akko felt a fresh wave of heat course through her abdomen. "I wish you could feel how wet I am."

 _Kuso_. Akko swallowed a moan and sank against her fingers, moving them slowly, teasingly. Just the idea that Diana was doing this too was so unbelievably  _hot_. "I do, too," she whispered.

"Now tell me what you want, baby," Diana purred.

Akko quickly hit speaker with her other hand so that she wouldn't have to be so close to the phone and licked her lips, rolling her hips slowly, breathing heavily through her nostrils. "I want you."

Diana hummed. "What about me?" A gentle moan. "You'll have to be more specific."

"I want to be inside you," Akko choked out, flushing harder at the words that left her mouth. This felt so weird and yet, at the same time, so unbelievably sexy. "I want to hear you moan my name."

A hushed moan slipped through the line and Diana gasped. "I want that, too," she hissed. Her voice was shaky as she continued. "I want these fingers to be yours."

"Pretend they are," Akko murmured, feeling proud because maybe she was getting the hang of this. She twirled her slick fingers, unwilling to make a move, knowing it wouldn't take much to push herself over the edge. She wanted to hear Diana moan, wanted to hear Diana let out that long whine that seemed to catch behind her teeth when she came. "I want to pin you down and fuck you so hard you're screaming."

 _That_ was something she never thought would come out of her mouth. Her ears were bright red and she wanted to cringe into herself, but it was a little late for shame.

"Bloody  _hell_ ," Diana hissed. Akko could hear the sharp intake of breath. "Oh my God, Akko, that's so hot," she whined, practically purring into the phone between suffocated moans and quick breaths.

Well, Diana liked it, and Akko wasn't going to lie, she was so wet it was clinging to the insides of her thighs. They hadn't had sex since, well,  _that_ night, and She slipped out of her shorts, kicking them away as she bucked her hips up into her hand.

"I want to taste you," Akko said. She had pictured it a thousand times over. Sliding down Diana's body, kissing her way down that alabaster skin, feeling the taller girl's muscles squirming underneath her as she worked her way to what she wanted most. She slid a finger inside herself, letting out a moan much louder than she intended—hopefully Lotte was listening to music or talking to Frank—and rocked into it. "I want to make you come with my mouth," she gasped.

Diana moaned, low and garbled, and breathed once more into the phone. "I want that," she whispered, whining and ruffling the sheets against the phone as she squirmed. "I want that so badly, Akko."

"Good," Akko murmured, feeling the blood flow away from her face as she gained more confidence. She didn't nearly feel so embarrassed about the things she was saying anymore. "Because next time I have you alone, that's exactly what I'm going to do."

"Hell," Diana hissed. Her breath was coming faster, more shallow. "Akko, I'm so close already."

Akko let a moan much louder than she intended slide from between her lips as she moved her fingers up and circled, feeling the pressure building in her core. She pulled her feet up and curled her toes into the sheets, tighting her muscles as she focused on reaching her own peak. "Me too," she whispered, moving her fingers faster.

"I want to hear you come, Akko." A moan turned into a whine and Akko knew Diana was ready. Breaths slid like warm liquid through the phone and Akko pictured herself hovering over her body, pictured the way her eyes would meet Akko's in those few moments before with that desperate look as her pupils blew before she tilted her head back and shuddered.

It was enough.

"Dian-" She didn't finish. Akko let out a long, stuttered moan as she came into her hand, her toes flexing and curling against the sheets, her hips rocking against her own fingers as she rode out her orgasm. She could feel her phone slide off her pillow but made no move to recover it because she could still hear the muffled whine that came from the other end, the shaky moans that followed, the hard breathing and leftover whimpers as Diana slowly recovered.

"Kuso," Akko heard herself say. She shuddered, running her fingers against herself one more time and shuddering at her own sensitivity before pulling away and letting out a heavy sigh. She sank into sheets that she knew were wet. That was fine, she would just roll over and sleep on the other side until she washed them. "Diana, that was... wow." She chuckled, a bit nervous now that everything was over and the realization that Diana had just listened to her masturbate on the phone hit like a truck.

Diana was clearly still trying to recover her breath. "That most certainly would have been better if I was there," Diana panted, laughing, before adding, "But, bloody hell, you made that so sexy."

Akko twisted beneath her sheets, rubbing her thighs together, the aftermath of her orgasm still tingling through her body. "I've never done  _that_  before," she said, laughing nervously. "But that was... yeah. Yeah."

"I, uh," Diana huffed a breath, chuckling, "I have to go help Barbara now. That... was not your reward."

"Then what was it?" Akko asked. She plucked her phone up and turned it off speaker, tucking it under her face as she sank into her pillow.

A beat. "That was the appetizer," Diana murmured, her voice low and husky, before saying, "I'll text you in a bit, Akko."

"Okay," Akko breathed, but the line was already dead. With a huff she rolled over onto her side, tucking her knees up to her chest and very much delaying the fact that she needed to get up to clean herself. She pulled her phone away, staring at the blinking blue light that told her she had messages, and swiped it open.

> _Sucy 8:32_
> 
> _Please do not ever make me listen to that again._
> 
> _Lotte 8:37_
> 
> _as a reminder we have very thin walls?_

Embarrassment flushed her cheeks and she turned over and buried her face into her pillow, hoping that the cool fabric would put out the fire in her face. It didn't.

* * *

She wanted nothing more than to ride.

Watching her team practice without her was a taunt. She hung over the fence, smacking her wrist brace uselessly against the wood as her eyes followed Sucy running the three mug. Mushroom loped lazily underneath her and she made no move to urge him on and Akko could feel the frustration seeping off of Miss Nelson. At least her turns were tight, though, and Sucy's accuracy was no contest, so in reality the pair wasn't really holding the team back. But if Sucy asked for speed, if she made an  _effort_ , she'd be able to gain the team a substantial lead in an actual race.

But Sucy couldn't be bothered. She sat back in the saddle as Mushroom neared the finish, easing an already slow gallop down to a canter as she crossed over and Lotte took off in her stead.

"Miss Manbavaran, is there a reason you're putting no effort forward?" Miss Nelson called from Akko's side. Akko huffed as she draped over the fence, blowing at the little bit of hair that jutted out from the sides of her bomber hat as she watched Sucy turn towards them and roll her shoulders in a careless shrug. Amanda was glowering at the pair, her lips curled into a snarl as she tried to hold Star back from bolting. The small bay pony reared up on his hind legs, jerking at the bit and twirling in the air as he struggled against the hold of his rider.

"You could at least  _try_  to go faster," Amanda hissed, whirling Star one-handed as she turned to watch Lotte. Spirit was slow, much slower than Mushroom, but Lotte was at least trying to get him to pick up speed. Her legs were wailing against his sides, though he blatantly ignored her.

Internationals were in a week and a half and the team did  _not_  look good. There was no motivation, no semblance of teamwork, and all everybody seemed to be capable of was yelling at each other.

"You could try to not be a snarky bitch," Sucy shot back at Amanda, whirling to glare at her from behind side-swept lavender bangs. "How about you worry about your own crazy pony?"

Miss Nelson growled at Akko's side. "Girls."

"Knock it off," Akko yelled, frowning as she climbed up the fence and straddled the top board, crossing her arms over her chest. "We're not going to beat Appleton if you guys don't act like a team."

"We're not going to beat Appleton  _anyway_ ," Amanda grumbled. She kicked her feet out of the stirrups and leaned back in the saddle, ignoring Star when he tried to lunge out from underneath her. "We look like shit."

"Well maybe we wouldn't if you guys weren't so busy yelling at each other."

"Well maybe we wouldn't if you hadn't tried to hold off a charging pony with your hand," Amanda snapped. "Maybe then we'd actually have a Captain who could ride with the damn team."

"That's enough!" Miss Nelson shrilled, stomping forward and snatching the baton out of the hard sand where Jasminka had tossed it down. "If you all don't fix your attitude by next week I will personally pull you from the competition. Now go cool your ponies off and be back here tomorrow with an adjustment."

Akko held the gate open for the team before stalking after them. She drew up next to Star, moving cautiously to the side when he jittered nervously. Amanda was glaring straight ahead. "What's your problem?"

"Ignore her," Jasminka called from her other side. "She had a fight with Hannah."

"Hannah has  _nothing_  to do with this," Amanda grumbled. She tightened her hold on the reins, jaw clenching beneath her helmet strap. "And this has everything to do with Akko being a shit Captain. We're less than two weeks out from Internationals and her head is so far up Cavendish's ass that she hasn't even made the line-up."

Akko frowned. "That's got nothing to do with Diana. I've been studying and, besides, I'm really hoping my wrist is going to be better so I can ride in some of the races—"

"She has been studying a whole lot," Lotte added in from where she was leading the group on Spirit.

"She's been up Cav's ass a whole lot, too," Sucy deadpanned.

"And, sorry Akko, but I really don't think you're going to be able to ride." Jasminka reined Cookie in a little bit so she could offer Akko a reassuring smile. "You can hardly even move your wrist still."

Akko pulled her hand out of her pocket, flexing her fingers around the brace. Sure, range of motion was still not really there and it hurt if she curled her fingers too much, but she could  _kind of_ use it. A week and a half definitely had to be enough time for her to treat it like normal.

"We should probably just start making our own line-up," Amanda was saying as she turned away from Akko to regard the team. "Might as well at this point."

"Hey!" Akko stopped, eyebrows knit in frustration. "You can't just—"

"We can do whatever we want," Amanda tossed over her shoulder, waving her hand dismissively before adding a very mocking, "Oh Captain."

That wasn't fair.  _Akko_ was the Captain. She'd been chosen by Miss Nelson and Luna Nova and it was  _her_  responsibility to make the line-up, even if she should have probably done it a couple weeks ago. And sure, she'd been barely present at practices and all. But everything had been going on with Diana and her wrist and studying and she honestly just didn't even think about it—

She glanced over to the dark Hunter arena, where the white paint of the jumps reflected in the low moonlight. The Hunt Team had finished their lesson over an hour ago and the floodlights had long since been turned off.

Akko didn't even have Diana to fall back on.

But she did still have somebody.

She stalked angrily off to the barn, her paddock boots clomping heavily against the stone as she made her way to Chariot's stall. Her mare hadn't been ridden yet that day—Wangari was supposed to, but she was sick—and so the little mare perked up at the sudden appearance of her owner. Her fluffy ears pricked forward and she whickered a greeting, immediately wandering over to nudge at the pockets of Akko's red coat in her never-ending search for peppermints.

Akko wrapped her arms around the pony's neck, pulling her in and ignoring the lips that smacked against her jeans as she hugged her close. It wasn't fair. She helped the team qualify for Internationals. She should be riding with them, she should be making the line-up with her own strengths and weaknesses in mind along with everybody else's.

Instead she had a team that was pissed off at her for a bunch of stupid reasons that were outside of her control.

She let go of Chariot, experimentally sliding the fingers of her brace-clad hand through the short mane. The hair was thick and so was the neck and she could get a reasonably decent grip. Besides, if she had a saddle on, it would be easy to just grab the pommel with her right hand and then she wouldn't really have to rely on her left that much for vaulting—

Akko hummed, her eyes narrowing in thought as she listened to the distant echo of hooves and the voices of her teammates down the aisle. They likely wouldn't be coming down this way… at least for a while.

Akko threw open the stall door and started digging through her tack trunk. Chariot didn't need to be brushed, Akko had groomed her earlier while the rest of the team had been tacking up, and so all she needed to do was throw on a saddle and bridle and just fifteen minutes in the arena to make sure she could do exactly what she thought she could do.

That was all she needed. Fifteen minutes.

She hastily threw on a dirty saddle pad from the previous day's ride, followed by her saddle and bitless gaming bridle. If Chariot was confused about the late hour tack, she didn't show it. She stood quietly, greedily gulping down any peppermints that Akko slipped her between tightening the girth and buckling the bridle. It was a little hard to do—her one hand didn't want to work as well as the other—but she still managed to do it quickly and without hurting herself. That was a start, right?

Akko shoved her helmet on and pulled Chariot from her stall, leading her quickly down the aisle and slipping out into the dark. The lights in the arena weren't on anymore, but that was okay. She could see enough in the moonlight. There were no other riders. The Games Team was usually the last to end practice and everybody else had gone for the night.

Akko put a foot in the stirrup and swung into the saddle, sighing at the very feeling of just sitting on her pony again. Sure, she'd been able to sit on Beatrix twice, but Chariot was hers. Chariot was home. She let her legs dangle as she urged Chariot into a walk, clutching the reins in her good hand as the mare walked obediently forward. She was a lot less perky than she had been, likely because of Diana's slow and restrained rides, but Akko didn't mind so much. As long as she still had the go when she was asked. Besides, she had to admit that Chariot was way more muscled than before.

She nudged Chariot into a trot, letting her broken wrist rest at her mare's withers as she rose in a fast post. Her legs were having to work much harder than she remembered and she tightened her calves around her pony's barrel, focusing on the movement and the feeling of short legs pumping beneath her.

Chariot felt good. Her ears flicked back and forth as she trotted around the poles that Miss Nelson had left up, obedient and willing. She likely wouldn't get too hyped up, either, since all of the other ponies were in the barn—

Akko braced herself, kicking her feet out of the stirrups as she grappled against with Chariot's mane, tightening her fingers as much as she could and grimacing through the pain as she threw herself off her pony's back. She landed awkwardly, huffing in frustration as she jogged at the still trotting pony's side and tried to work out the logistics of how she was going to do this. This was ridiculous. It was easy, she should be able to do it. Since when did she rely so much on one single wrist?

She squeezed her fingers through Chariot's mane and reached over the saddle, gripping the pommel hard as she took one, two, three steps and launched into the air, wincing hard at the pain that shot through her wrist as she awkwardly landed in the saddle. Chariot bolted underneath her, startled by the less than graceful vault, and Akko had to quickly straighten up to grab at the reins.

Akko cursed under her breath, holding her wrist to her chest and grumbling. Okay, it didn't hurt that bad, and besides it was at a trot so it would likely be easier to get the momentum at a gallop. She leaned forward, kicking Chariot on, feeling the mare lunge willingly forward underneath her as she flew into a run.

Getting off would be the hard part. She could put most of her strength into her right arm for the vault, but she really needed her left to keep her straight when she hit the ground. Otherwise she'd land crooked and would lose precious time. So she  _had_  to use her wrist to stabilize herself, at least a little bit.

She grit her teeth and threw her legs over the saddle.

_"Akko!"_

The shrill, angry scream that pierced the silence made Akko jolt awkwardly in surprise. Her ankle caught on the cantle of the saddle and she jerked sideways, sending Chariot hurtling away from her with a frightened snort. The reins pulled at her wrist and she cried out, hitting the hard sand in a roll and tucking her hand up into her chest. Chariot took off across the arena in a rampage of thudding hoofbeats, the reins dangling off her ears as she broke into a trot and went straight to the closed gate where she began to pace.

"Akko!"

"I'm fine," Akko growled, pushing herself to her knees and flexing her fingers to make sure they still worked. Her wrist hurt, but it was most definitely just the same.

"You have got to be kidding me," Diana hissed, her paddock boots an angry rhythm against the ground as she slipped through the fence and stormed over. Akko glanced up to see blue eyes wild with anger. "You could have  _seriously_ hurt yourself. And way worse than you already are!"

Akko felt her lips twitching as she glared down at the ground, sinking her fingers into the cold sand and squeezing. "What are you even doing here?" she grumbled, pushing herself to her feet and dusting the sand off of her jeans and coat. "You finished riding a long time ago."

Diana's arms were folded across her chest. Helmet-wild blonde hair waved around her red face. "I texted you after I rode and said I was going to wait for you. I asked the team where you were and they didn't know, either. I've been looking all over for you."

Oh. Akko hadn't checked her phone. It was still on her tack trunk.

"And it's a good thing I  _didn't_  leave because you probably would have injured yourself—"

"I would've been fine!" Akko snapped, kicking at some dirt before whirling on a heel and striding quickly towards her pony. Chariot was standing quietly now, waiting by the gate where she knew she'd be let out. Her muzzle dipped to the ground as she let out a loud, rumbling snort.

She could hear Diana trailing after her. "Akko, that was incredibly reckless. I guarantee you the doctor will let you know when it's okay to ride again. What if something had happened to Chariot?"

"Nothing would happen to Chariot," Akko mumbled, gathering the reins and running the stirrups of her saddle up. She would have kept working on her vaulting, or at least seen what else she could do with her wrist, but there was no way Diana would let her get back on her mare. So, instead, she opened the gate and started to walk off. "I think it's silly that I'm not allowed to ride my own mare," she said when Diana caught up to her stride, hands buried in the pockets of her navy coat. "My wrist feels fine and I should be able to use it."

"That's not how that works," Diana scolded. "And I know that your wrist doesn't feel fine. You still need more time for it to heal."

"Look." Akko stopped, huffing as she tightened her grip on the cotton reins. "Our team qualified for Internationals. And part of that involves me riding. So I  _will_  ride, whether or not this stupid wrist is ready." She held her brace up for emphasis and glared at it. "I just have to get used to it. That's all."

"Akko." Diana reached forward, snagged Akko by the sleeve of her coat. "You can't. It's too dangerous."

"Okay, Okaasan," Akko grumbled. She tugged her arm away and ran a hand down Chariot's face, frowning as she clucked to the mare and urged her to follow.

"I'm not your mother. I'm your-"

"You're not my girlfriend,  _either_ ," Akko snapped, whirling to glare at the blonde as she walked. "So you're welcome to stop telling me what to do at any point in time."

That was a huge mistake and she knew it as soon as the words came out of her mouth. She froze, bitting her lip and wincing at what she said.

Diana stopped, a deep frown tugging at her lips as she stared after Akko. "I wasn't—I wasn't going to say..." Her voice grew quiet as she glared. "You know, I get you're upset, but that wasn't fair at all."

Akko opened her mouth to apologize. To say something. Anything. But Diana was already walking off down the lane, head ducked, blonde hair golden in the moonlight and waving around her shoulders. She didn't turn back.


	43. A Warm Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6,200 words of run on sentences
> 
> i'm sorry?? or am i??

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

Diana could tell that the Games team wasn't getting along.

It wasn't hard to see from where she sat atop Beatrix in the middle of the Hunter arena, pretending to watch Barbara practice her distance and pacing with Belle while sneaking peeks over to the practice that the other team was having not far off. She could see Amanda gesturing wildly with her hands as Sucy threw something back at her, could see the shake of Miss Nelson's head and the very displeased look on Akko's face. Though, even if she hadn't been looking, the level of animosity could clearly be heard in the screaming of the team members.

"You could try not fucking dropping it," she heard Amanda snap at one point when Jasminka missed a hand off to Lotte. She had heard Miss Nelson follow with a rampage of scolds, but she had quickly turned away to pay attention to her own team. It almost felt like she was intruding on some kind of domestic dispute that she wanted nothing to do with, so she most certainly didn't check back in. Except, well, to glance at Akko. Just because it was Akko.

She could still hear the bickering when she walked with Beatrix down the lane, vaguely listening to Hannah and Barbara talk. Hannah was going off about Amanda:

"She can just be so dense," Hannah was saying, tossing her auburn braid over her shoulder as she draped an arm over Cello's neck. "Like, I specifically said she didn't  _have_  to go home with me this weekend even though she offered and all she said was, 'Okay, I'll see you Monday.' Of  _course_ I want her to go with me. She's so daft."

Barbara had turned, dark eyebrows raised curiously at her friend. "Why didn't you just say you wanted her to go?"

"That's not the  _point_ ," Hannah hissed, making a move to look underneath Cello's neck to find Amanda in the group of ponies at one end of the Games arena. "The point is she should  _want_  to go. I even told her I wanted her to meet my family and we talked about it before." She sighed, straightening back up and patting her chestnut gelding on the neck. "I guess it's not important to her."

"I don't know." Barbara shrugged, ignoring a nudge to the shoulder from Belle. "It sounds like you're being a bit obtuse, Han. You should just ask her to go."

"I agree with Barbara," Diana murmured, even though she was only half paying attention to the conversation going on around her. "You should just be straightforward and ask."

Hannah frowned, shooting a raised eyebrow at Diana. "You're the last person I should be taking love advice from," she mumbled. "Though, I suppose you do have a point."

"You both just need to learn how to talk to people." Barbara grabbed Belle's muzzle and gave her a smooch right above the nostrils before pushing her away. "I know, love," she cooed to her mare. "It's almost time for supper."

Beatrix was walking quietly, her tongue rolling against the bit in her mouth as she ignored the pinned ears Belle gave her everytime the black mare looked over, at Cello's red tail that occasionally slapped against her haunches. If it wasn't for the bright look in her deep brown eyes, Diana might have thought something was wrong with her. But she was moving just fine and she seemed alert otherwise, and so after she thoroughly inspected each ligament, tendon, and muscle, she placed her mare into her stall and felt content when the mare went straight to her feed without hesitation.

The Games team wouldn't be practicing too much longer and she hadn't really been able to spend much time with Akko. The other girl had been studying non-stop. Diana plucked up her mobile, sending Akko a quick text message.

_Diana 18:36_

_Hi. I want to see you._

_Wait for you after practice?_

She waited a moment, hoping that Akko just might have her mobile on her since she wasn't riding, but when she didn't get anything within a few minutes she shoved her own mobile back into her coat pocket and turned back to Beatrix. She would just catch Akko after practice—sometimes she left her phone near Chariot's stall so she could focus (because she was easily distracted)-and that wouldn't be too long.

Well, it wasn't  _supposed_ to be long. But she found herself waiting around a  _lot_  longer than she anticipated, and when she pulled out her mobile once more and found that it was after 19:00, she jumped off her tack trunk and stalked off to the other barn where she could see the rest of the Games team caring for their ponies.

Everybody was there but Akko.

"Um." Diana hesitated, glancing around with her hands shoved deep into the pockets of her navy coat. She glanced to Lotte, who was very focused on carefully picking Spirit's hooves. Her strawberry blonde hair was an absolute mess and her glasses rested over her pony's thick withers. The golden gelding seemed unbothered by serving as a shelf.

"Hi, Lotte," Diana started, determined to not startle the smaller girl who startled anyway. She dropped Spirit's hoof, the sudden contact with the ground causing his withers to shudder and her glasses slid down onto the dirty black mat. An unintelligible mumble slipped from Lotte's mouth as she dove down to grab them before they got stepped on.

Lotte turned, wrapping the cloth of her jumper around the lenses and polishing them as she looked up at Diana with unfocused blue eyes. "Oh, hi, Diana," she chirped, a pleasant surprise etching across her face as she pushed the newly cleaned glasses over the bridge of her nose. "What's up?"

Diana felt her eyes shifting, noticing that Amanda was very obviously staring at her with a very uncomfortable focus. She cleared her throat and leveled her gaze on Lotte. "Have you seen Akko, by chance?"

"Oh." Lotte cocked her head, as though confused, and glanced around the aisle. "She was with us not too long ago. Maybe she went to go visit Chariot?"

That did seem like a likely place. Diana nodded, offering Lotte a curt, "Thank you," before whirling and striding off—not without a quick glance back at Amanda, who was still staring as though she wanted to say something—towards Chariot's stall. Behind her, she could hear Lotte say:

"Where  _did_  Akko go?"

Diana knew immediately that Akko was not in Chariot's stall as soon as she rounded the bend to the pony's aisle. The stall door was wide open and, for a moment, she thought that maybe Akko had taken the mare out to pick a bit of grass because she did that sometimes. Except the small leather halter was hanging on its hook and Akko's trunk was wide open and her saddle was missing—

Diana squeezed her eyes shut, hard, took a deep breath, and  _sincerely_ hoped that she was misguided as curled her hands into fists in her pockets and stepped outside.

She wasn't.

The floodlights that lit the arenas had been turned off but she could still see the outline of Akko and Chariot. Akko had just urged her into a gallop and Chariot bolted underneath her, head held high as she responded to the demands of her rider.

She could see Akko shifting, working out where to put her hands in the exact way Diana had seen her do dozens of times before. It was obvious what she was trying to do and Diana rushed forward, knowing full well that there was only one way things would end and it would be Akko hurting herself even more than she already was. Her wrist was certainly not ready for the amount of pressure she was putting on it by attempting to vault.

"Akko!"

Her voice left a little more desperate than she meant it to and she realized her mistake as soon as Akko jolted to the side in a loss of balance, her foot striking the saddle and startling the already hyped chestnut mare. Chariot bolted out from underneath her, her head jerking wildly to the side as she struggled to get away from the grip of her tangled rider. Akko landed hard on the ground, curling into herself as Chariot took off across the arena.

"Akko!" Diana called again, feeling the blood rush from her face as she bolted into a run to the arena.

Akko was already moving, already righting herself, and it was clear she wasn't hurt though she was holding her wrist a little awkwardly and bloody hell if it she had broken it anew-

"I'm fine," she grumbled, barely audible beneath the sound of Chariot's hooves against the packed sand.

Akko looked at her wrist, flexed the fingers. She seemed unharmed.

"You have got to be kidding me," Diana hissed. Concern turned to frustration and the words left her mouth before she could even think as she slid through the rails of the fence and moved towards the other girl. The blood surged back into her face, her cheeks reddening as she glared down at Akko. "You could have  _seriously_ hurt yourself. And way worse than you already are!"

She reached out to take Akko's braced wrist, to look at it and make sure that it  _was_  okay, but Akko turned away and rose instead, brushing herself off and scowling. "What are you even doing here?" she asked. There was a hint of irritation that was totally unfounded because Diana was the one who found  _Akko_ on the verge of hurting herself more. "You finished riding a long time ago."

Diana frowned, reaching up to run her hand through her messy blonde hair. She crossed her arms and glared at Akko. "I texted you after I rode," she answered, "And said I was going to wait for you. I asked the team where you were and they didn't know, either." Come to think of it, Akko's mobile  _had_  been resting on the edge of her trunk. "I've been looking all over for you," she added. "And it's a good thing I didn't leave because you probably would have injured herself—"

See: Akko most  _definitely_ would have injured herself.

"I would've been fine," Akko shot back. Her lip curled as she glared back and spun, stalking off with long strides to where Chariot had finally come to a stop. The mare was looking very much confused and upset as she snorted, nervous eyes darting from Akko to the barn.

Anger had quickly been replaced by frustration and concern as she followed. She sighed, shaking her head. "Akko, that was incredible reckless." But at least she wasn't hurt. "I guarantee you the doctor will let you know when it's okay to ride again." To make a point, she added, "What if something had happened to Chariot?"

"Nothing would happen to Chariot."

Akko was holding her wrist gingerly as she fixed her stirrups, her dark eyes focused on the leather straps as she carefully tucked them up. She pulled the reins from over Chariot's head, tugging the mare gently through the gate. For a moment, she lifted her eyes to meet Diana's. "I think it's silly that I'm not allowed to ride my own mare," she murmured. A shadow passed across her face and she turned away once more, lifting her wrist to stare at it pointedly as she flexed her fingers. "My wrist feels fine and I should be able to use it."

"That's not how it works." No, she wasn't a doctor, but she  _was_ in school to be a veterinarian and so obviously quite a bit of it was translatable to human anatomy and physiology. "And I know that your wrist doesn't feel fine." She could tell just by watching Akko curl her fingers. They were stiff and couldn't even close into a fist without a wince of pain clouding her eyes. "You still need time for it to heal."

"Look." Akko had that scolding sound to her voice that clearly said,  _I don't want to argue about this anymore_. She stopped, but she still didn't even look over at Diana. "Our team qualified for Internationals. And part of that involves me riding. So I will ride-"

Diana shuffled nervously, closing her fingers around a peppermint wrapper in her pocket. Akko was getting a little heated and she really just wanted her to understand that she could hurt herself, her pony, her future. It wasn't like she was trying to stop Akko from doing something she loved, but the way Akko was speaking to her was making her think that's how she read it.

"—whether or not this stupid wrist is ready," Akko continued, waving her hand dismissively in the air. "I just have to get used to it. That's all."

"Akko."

She wouldn't even  _look_  at her. Her ponytail waved around the side of her neck as she turned and started walking again, hunched into her coat and acting like Diana wasn't even there.

Diana's hand closed around the fabric of Akko's coat to stop her. "You can't. It's too dangerous."

"Okay, Okaasan," came the muttered reply. Akko jerked her arm away.

Diana huffed, frowning, and stepped forward. She wasn't trying to tell Akko what to do. She wanted to see her ride in her competition more than anybody else. But she also didn't want Akko to be forced to be unable to ride for even longer—or possibly ever even the same as before, if she fractured her wrist bad enough—and she just wanted Akko to  _see_  that.

"I'm not your mother." Diana sighed. Chariot was dipping her head obediently, walking quietly alongside her owner. "I'm your—"

"You're not my girlfriend,  _either_." Akko spun on her heel, crimson eyes flashing with anger.

But the words felt like a stab to the gut and Diana felt her chest throb with pain. There was so much there behind the simple statement. So much that Diana could hear and she knew Akko meant:

_You were my girlfriend until you messed it up. You were my girlfriend before you decided you didn't want to be. This is your fault, this is your doing. We once were and now we're not—because of you._

Because of Diana.

"So you're welcome to stop telling me what to do at any point in time," Akko added. She froze, a look of horrified confusion passing over her expression, as though she was startled by what came out of her own mouth.

Her skin stung. A wave of nausea passed through her and she blinked back at Akko, her breath caught somewhere in her throat, lingering somewhere with the same doubt as before that surged through her blood. Finally, she somehow mustered the ability to speak.

"I wasn't—I wasn't going to say…"

Friend. She was going to say friend. She knew Akko wasn't ready yet, that Akko was still somewhere in her own head, but she hadn't known that Akko still held so much resentment towards her. If she felt that way, why was she even still trying?

She swallowed, feeling the tears start to flood her vision, and clenched her jaw. "You know," she said, struggling to keep her voice from wavering, "I get you're upset, but that wasn't fair at all."

Her nose twitched. She did  _not_  want Akko to see her cry. She did  _not_  want Akko to see how badly everything she said just hurt. So she turned and walked quickly off, letting her hair fall in golden tangles around the sides of her face, and rolled her jaw in an effort to hold everything back.

It wasn't fair. Not from Akko. Not to say Diana didn't know she deserved it. She knew she made a terrible mistake. But everybody else was already clubbing her with her own shame: Hannah, Amanda, Sucy. Even Barbara had said something about it, albeit in a nice way in an attempt to be supportive while also letting her know very clearly how much she'd messed everything up.

Akko said she would try. Everything had been going fine. Akko had been so kind and supportive and was giving her a chance she didn't deserve but now it seemed like Akko  _knew_  she didn't deserve it, that Akko  _doubted_ that things could be the same—

"Diana! Wait!"

She could hear the rush of boots behind her, of beat of shoes clomping against the cobblestone as Chariot trotted at Akko's side. She didn't want to do this—not now, not here—but Akko wasn't going to afford her the opportunity for reflection, the opportunity to think.

"I'm sorry!"

Diana froze, squeezing her eyes shut and willing the tears to go, but her ability to hide the flood of emotion when it came to Akko was something she had no control over. She clenched her fists hard, digging her nails into her palm and grinding her teeth together.

A hand grabbed her arm, pulled, turned her. Akko's nostrils were flared, her eyes wide with worry, with fear. She wasn't even hanging onto Chariot anymore and the mare just stood there, watching curiously.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it. You're right, it wasn't fair," she spit out, licking her lips before letting out a long breath. Her grip tightened on Diana's sleeve. "I know you were just trying to be—"

She needed time to cool down. Time to settle herself. Now was  _not_  a good time for her to speak because when she was emotional like this she said things that she didn't mean or she said things that she otherwise would have phrased differently—

"I know I'm not your girlfriend anymore," Diana hissed, squeezing her eyes shut in a final attempt to quell the tears that streaked down her cheeks anyway. "I know that. And I know it's my fault. Everybody has been reminding me of that every single day since." She pulled her arm away from Akko, swiping the back of her hand across her cheeks. Not that it helped because they were freezing against her skin anyway.

"Diana—"

"I know you want to ride. I'm not trying to stop you. I just don't want to see you get hurt."

Akko frowned. Looked down. Her paddock boots shuffled against the stone. "I know, I—"

"And if you're that adamant about not being my girlfriend," Diana added, lip curling with frustration, "Then why are we even trying? What's the point?" She threw a hand in the air, taking a moment to swallow and suck down a deep breath. "Why not just call this quits? Why not let go?"

She was well aware that her volume was reaching a level that was not appropriate for their current situation, but the only way she could keep the waver in her voice at bay was to force everything out. She wanted Akko—she wanted Akko desperately—but it wasn't fair for either of them to be on a dead-end road with no hope in sight.

Even if she very much did not want to hear the answer.

"I  _don't_  want to," Akko cut in. Her eyes were pleading, desperate. "I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated. I had a bad day and…" her voice trailed off as she straightened up, huffed. "That's not an excuse. I know it. I wasn't lying when I said I want to try again and I am and I think it's all okay but—" She looked like she wanted to move forward, to do something, but she didn't. Her voice fell. "But it still hurts, you know? I'm trying to get past that. I really am."

Diana said nothing. She gnawed at her lip, letting her breath come shaky and forced, blinking the tears away from her eyelashes. She knew Akko still hurt and the guilt ate at her. It was there in the morning when she woke up, during class whenever her mind strayed from the lesson, when she finally lay her head down at night to sleep. It chewed her up and spit her out all day every day and there was no escape except when she was with Akko and she was reminded that it  _could_ be okay, it  _could_ be made right.

But right now it didn't seem like it could be okay or right at all.

She twisted at her fingers in her pockets and glanced at Chariot. The mare's ears flicked forward at the glance and she raised her nose, the bright red of the insides of her nostrils flashing with a deep breath. Her brown eyes glimmered much in the same way Akko's did. Confused. Waiting. Unsure.

"I'm sorry," Akko said again, even though Diana was quite convinced she had nothing to be sorry for. "I just need a little time to... I don't know. Think?"

"How much time do you need? How much more do you need to think?" Diana hissed, pulling her hands out of her coat to clench at her sides as she tilted her chin up and huffed. "I don't know what more I can do. I'm literally throwing myself at you."

She knew the words were wrong as soon as she spoke them and the flash of resentment in Akko's eyes proved it.

"Throwing yourself at me?" Akko reeled back on her heels, dark eyebrows knitting together as she glared back. "You 'literally'  _threw me away_ ," she spat, moving her hand so quickly that Chariot spooked to the side. "I think that taking time is a perfectly okay thing to do."

Ouch. "I didn't throw you away. That was never my intention."

Diana wanted to be at home. Studying. Reading. Sleeping. Anything but this. Anything but watching everything fall apart in front of her again. She wanted to turn back time, to rewind the clock, to just go back further and further and further until that stupid thought of running wasn't even in her head anymore-

"Then why?" Akko was somewhere in between angry and distraught now and her face contorted in a way that said exactly that. The corner of her mouth tugged back and her nose curled, almost as though she, herself, was fighting tears which wasn't entirely improbable but Diana couldn't really see that great in the dark and so she couldn't be sure.

"I told you." Diana lowered her voice, eyes cutting to the side as she watched a rider's outline appear in the light of the barn opening. She could tell they were watching them, curious, but after a moment they turned and walked off and she continued. "I was scared, Akko. It was a terrible decision and-"

"Everyone's scared!" Akko interrupted, stomping a foot and spooking Chariot once again. Chariot took a long step back, lowering her nose to the ground and letting out a long, quivering snort as she pinned her ears. Diana glanced to her, ready to lunge if she started to take off, but she didn't. Akko continued.

"You don't just  _run_  because you're scared and expect to come back and everything be exactly like it was before and-"

Akko's voice became a drone, a white noise reverberating in her skull that made her want to clutch her ears and collapse until it was gone. She wanted silence, sweet silence, and the feeling that everything was going to be just fine but instead everything  _wasn't_ fine and it was all falling apart before her eyes again and again and again and there was nothing she could do about it, but everything at the same time, except that was all in the past and she had messed up again and again and again and-

Hannah's voice echoed in her mind:

> " _I really liked who you were when you were with her, you know?"_

And she did, too. She had liked herself so much, she had felt those foreign feelings of being at home and alive and so very comfortable and content-

And Sucy's:

> " _Now that it's all taken care of, you're just going to swoop back in and ignore the mess everybody else had to clean."_

But she was trying to clean her  _own_  mess, she was trying so very hard to make things right again, to bring things back to where they were and show Akko that she really did want to try, really did want it to  _be_ , that she was just so terribly afraid of the feelings that always brought so much heartache-

And Amanda's sharp voice, making her chest throb desperately for relief, and she cringed away from Akko in a moment of pure self-hatred:

> " _I don't think you deserve Akko at all."_

She didn't, either.

But, oh God, did she ever want her, all of her, every single fragment.

"Because I love you," Diana blurted, feeling a fresh wave of tears stinging at her eyes with the very words that slipped from between her own lips, the ones that she'd wanted to say but had held back because she knew what they meant, she knew what they brought but now they were there, hanging in the space between them, bold and unprecedented and so very much out of place but she couldn't hold it in any longer, her bite wasn't strong enough to keep them behind her teeth, her heart ached for Akko to know and bloody hell if she didn't want to turn and run so very far away but she stood her ground, stood firm in the face of fear and rejection because she  _had_  to, she had to for Akko, she had to for herself and-

"Huh?"

Akko's eyes had widened and she was gaping at Diana, her lips slightly parted, visible breaths puffing out of her mouth as she stared. It was like her brain hadn't processed the information, like the words had hit a wall that was right before her face and had just dissipated into thin air and for a moment Diana hoped that maybe they did, maybe it was all a farce and she didn't blurt that in the heat of the moment but Akko's next words shattered that hope in a moment's time.

"You... love me?"

Okay, so it wasn't ideal. She daydreamed about this in a much more romantic setting, one that didn't involve her crying in the middle of the center lane at Luna Nova with the smell of horses and anger resonating around their very conversation. But there she was. Confessing her feelings in that exact situation. So she had to own it, she had to stay strong because that's what she had failed to do all along.

"I love you," she said again, much less forcefully this time, and ducked her chin in the hope that her hair would shroud her face in some last ditch effort to hide. "I ran because I love you. I ran because it terrified me and-" she could feel the tears streaking down her face again and her breath hiccuped in her throat. "I have lost-" She was losing control again and her voice shuddered and shook with her quaking body. "I have lost everything that I have ever loved and do you know what that's like? Do you know what that does to a person?" She sucked in air, desperate for reprieve but getting none all the same. "It wrecks you, Akko, it tears you apart and makes you feel like  _nothing_."

Akko was unreadable. She was just staring like Diana had sprouted multiple heads and was now spewing some completely foreign language and Diana desperately wanted her to just say something,  _anything_ , but she didn't.

Diana closed her eyes. Opened them. Powered on. "I love you," Diana said through clenched teeth, "and I wanted to love you then but I wasn't ready and you said that thing about being wrong and I was so afraid that you would try to be whatever you thought was normal." She tossed her hands in the air in defeat. A white flag that she waved shamefully, that she waved even when she wanted to stand victorious.

But there was no victory to be found.

So she stood before Akko and waved that flag and felt herself crumpling on the inside beneath the weight of her own emotions, drowning in the waves of feelings that rose and fell within her chest. The air around her was suddenly so cold and so oppressive and she wanted nothing more than to be in front of a warm fire, curled in the cracked leather of her father's recliner and thinking about nothing at all.

Especially this.

"I love you," she said for a third time, rolling her jaw and swallowing back her own rising terror. "And I'm sorry for everything that I've ever done. I know I don't deserve you. I know I don't deserve everything that you are and everything that you offer me and-" Her voice broke and she pressed her fingers tighter against her palm, finally raising her watering blue eyes to meet the shocked red that were burning back into her own and for a brief moment she was in front of that fire, she was reclined in comfort and inner harmony and Akko was with her and everything was okay-

But it wasn't.

"-and I don't blame you if you walk away, because anybody else would and I wouldn't blame them. I wouldn't blame anybody," she finished, her lips clammy as they pressed together and parted once more so she could breathe.

> " _I get that you're upset, but that wasn't fair at all."_

Her own words were a shockwave to her body, a dull ache that pulled at her bones. It was so very cold and her fingers were numb, her face stung from the cold wind, her core surged with ther desire to just get away. Chariot was standing there, still, watching, observing, like she knew what was going on and those brown eyes shimmered with knowledge that was far too sentient and human for what she actually was but it was there all the same and she knew and  _Diana_ knew, she knew then and there and all at once:

"And I realize now that I'm the one who hasn't been fair," she said, steeling herself for what she was about to say. "Not you. It was never you." She took a breath, met Akko's eyes, and continued with resolve. "I love you." The tendons in her jaw wavered. "And that's not fair. None of this is fair. So I think that I should just-"

She could sense the presence of the Games team finally emerging from the barn, could hear Amanda's voice shouting, "Hey, Akko, what are you doing?" and Lotte's very concerned, "Tell me she didn't."

Akko was still frozen in time and space, in her own head, and she merely blinked as though she had no idea what was happening and maybe that was true, maybe she was so shellshocked that she wasn't hearing anymore because Diana had been there before, had experienced the same thing.

But she still had to finish, she still had to do what she needed to do and even if it wasn't what she wanted at all it was for Akko, it was for the girl who stood before her and hurt because of her, who cried because of her, who felt heartbreak much sooner than she should have  _because of her._

Red eyes. Warm fire. The girl she loved.

"-I think I should just let you go."

* * *

The walk back to her flat was like a hike through the frigid arctic, like she was shuffling through snow that slid into every crevice of her body and chilled her to her bones. Every last moment of the past hour was impaling her, every word she spoke slithering through her mind and wrapping around each individual cell of her brain in a torture that she didn't even think was ever possible. She thought to her last moments at the barn, when Amanda had swooped in with a sideways glance to Akko and had said, "We've been looking everywhere for you. Come on, numbskull," and Akko had laughed in that weak way that meant she wasn't really sure what was going on but she had to react anyway. She had let herself get pulled away, let herself fall into stride with the rest of her team while Chariot lingered for a moment, her eyes locked on Diana, before following almost as though she really didn't want to at all.

And Diana had waited. Had waited until Akko was long out of sight, until the winter air made her skin burn and her eyes water, and had finally turned and trudged home.

She shed no more tears and instead let her body succumb to the numbness that had become so familiar, a theme song to her life, and instead went through the motions.

She showered. Could she have said if she conditioned her hair, if she washed her face with the  _new_  facewash that had the exfoliating beads instead of the old one that made her skin too dry? No. There was no chance she could say. She also didn't care.

She changed into sleep clothes. A t-shirt that she grabbed off the top of her stack, shorts that she'd worn the night before and had left sitting on her bed. If anybody had asked what she was wearing she would have had to look down to see for herself even though it had only been moments before.

She opened her MacBook. Checked her e-mails. Five, three from Aunt Daryl and two from her professors. If she had been asked what they had been regarding, she wouldn't have been able to relay any information. She replied nonetheless, comprehending nothing she read. One sentence, one word, maybe. Whatever faked a reply well enough. She finished everything with:

_All the best,_

_Diana Cavendish_

She felt empty, she felt dead, she felt...

Nothing.

Nothing at all, just like she always did when her world collapsed around her, because that was what Diana Cavendish did. That was how she trained her body. Her mind would power down and leave her only to muscle memory, only to the habits that she had grown accustomed to doing without thinking.

She had laid down on top of her comforter, a misnomer because it brought absolutely no comfort at all, and clutched Mini Beatrix tight to her chest as she stared up at the ceiling, at the blank white canvas that burned into her irises. A blank white canvas that stretched so far that she couldn't see anything else, couldn't see anything but  _nothing_ , the null and the void, the empty.

But there was a pounding, a noise that broke through the dark and made her clouded vision waver.

Was it in her skull?

Her mind?

Her chest?

Diana took a sharp breath of air as she sat up in bed, as she listened through the quiet.

The pounding continued, harder than it had been and much louder, much more demanding. Hannah and Barbara had gone to the library after the barn and she was the only one home, she was the only one even if she was no one at all in that moment.

She rose, blanking her gaze and forcing herself to regain that neutral expression that she had practiced so well as she pushed open her bedroom door. Her legs were mechanical beneath her, moving without thought, her bare feet padding rhythmically against the wooden stairs, against the wooden floors. The banging went on, a fist hard against the door, a fist desperate for something and Diana was sure they had the wrong flat, was sure that if it had been under any situation she would have angrily swung open that door and given them a stern talking to.

But as her finger grasped the handle and she pulled, the chilling numb that had taken hold of her body fell away. Fell away to desire, to shuddered breaths, to quiet but desperate need.

Akko was standing there in nothing but a pair of sweatpants and her t-shirt and she was shivering in the cold. Her hair was still mostly wet and clinging to her cheeks. Her brace wasn't even on and her one arm was pale and a little bit thinner than the other and she clutched it in the good one, her entire body quaking as those wide red eyes met blue and Diana found herself in front of that warm fire, engulfed in the comfort that it came with it, consumed by the flame that was Akko Kagari and every single fiber of her body that screamed to stoke those embers anew.

"Don't go," Akko cried in a rush, her lips barely moving as she forced the words out and stepped forward, stepped across the threshold that divided cold and warmth and set fire to the air between them. "Don't go, Diana. I love you."


	44. A Cool Ocean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5,600 words of metaphors
> 
> i'm not sorry for any of this
> 
> ~~DO NOT READ THIS IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER. OR YOUR FATHER. OR BROTHER. OR SISTER. OR ANY KIND OF FAMILY. OR ANY PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP. OR YOUR VERY JUDGY CAT.~
> 
> bye forever until next time

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

"I love you."

The words washed over her in a flood of warmth and every muscle in her body stopped working. The buzzing in her brain had fallen to complete silence save for those three words over and over again. It was like the world had ceased to move any longer and she was standing on some transcendent plane that held just the two of them, just Akko and Diana and the truth that had tethered between them and lanced every single ounce of doubt that had plagued Akko's mind.

She opened her mouth to say something, to say  _anything_ , but all that fell out was a very stupid and very deep:

"Huh?"

Diana's eyes shimmered with tears as they stared into Akko's, pleading for her to say something but she was caught so off guard that she didn't know  _what_  to say because in the middle of a somewhat heated and rather emotional argument Diana had said something that made her head reel, that made her blood run hot, that made her breath shallow.

But, finally, she mustered the strength to add, "You… love me?"

Diana took a deep breath. "I love you," she said again, and once more that radiating heat flooded through Akko and made her weak in the knees.

Akko just stared at her, just watched as her lips started moving again, half expecting her to say that she didn't mean it or that maybe she had misspoken but instead Diana continued with, "I ran because I love you. I ran because it terrified me and I have lost—"

Diana looked like how Akko felt on the inside, confused and scared, her body wavering as she sniffed and struggled to maintain some barely-there essence of her trademark composure. Her voice shook with each consonant, collapsed with each vowel, cracked beneath each desperate syllable that slipped through her quivering lips.

"I have lost  _everything_ that I have ever loved and do you know what that's  _like_? Do you know what that does to a person?" She was rasping. Quaking. She sucked in a wheezing breath and mindlessly tried to swipe at her red cheeks with her palms. "It wrecks you, Akko. It tears you apart and makes you feel like  _nothing_."

Her words were raw and desperate, like she had scraped them from the bottom of some dark place where they'd been shoved out of sight to gather dust but they weren't  _forgotten._ They cast shadows over everything, shrouded the good within the darkness of a cold, unrelenting grasp. And there stood Diana, finally tearing at her own foundation in some frantic attempt to uproot the malicious bonds of her past, to clear a path for what she wanted most and Akko knew in that moment, as Diana gasped her very core into the cold winter night, that she was making room for  _her_.

"I love you."

Her voice grated like stone against stone but coming from Diana it was a sweet melody that Akko never wanted to stop listening to. "And I wanted to love you then but I wasn't ready and you said that thing about being wrong and I was so  _afraid_  that you would try to be whatever you thought was normal."

Diana threw her hands in the air and took a step back, gasping for breath. Akko wanted to rush forward, to close her arms around the beautiful mess of a girl in front of her, but she couldn't move. It was like her brain was misfiring and nothing attached to her would respond and she could only stand there and stare stupidly like she did every time she was caught off guard and as hard as she fought, as much as she  _wanted_ , she couldn't close that gap.

Akko wanted to scream that she would never be anything that she wasn't. That she wanted Diana and she wanted  _all_  of this, all of everything, but her mouth wouldn't move, either, and in all honesty she wasn't certain she was breathing any longer.

Chariot had been long forgotten. She could have wandered off into the black of night and Akko wouldn't have noticed, but she stood quietly at her side, the strength that Akko lacked, and Akko mindlessly reached out and placed a shaking hand against the pony's soft shoulder.

"I love you," Diana breathed. "And I'm sorry for everything that I've ever done. I know I don't deserve you. I know I don't deserve everything that you are and everything that you offer me and… and I don't blame you if you walk away, because anybody else would and I wouldn't blame them. I wouldn't blame anybody."

Golden hair waved around her tear-streaked cheeks as she spoke. Her muscles went rigid and she stood a little straighter, a little more normal, and a deep, shuddering breath resounded in the air between them. Clear blue eyes gazed into her own.

"And I realize now that I'm the one who hasn't been fair. Not you. It was never you. I love you and that's not fair. None of this," she waved a hand between them for emphasis, "is fair. So I think that I should just—"

Akko could hear approaching footsteps, could sense the presence of her own team, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from Diana, away from the ocean in her eyes, the glisten of tears reflecting in the moonlight. She wanted to dive in, to bathe in the cool blue water she found there, to soak in the adoration she found in the gaze that held her own. Amanda said something, or maybe Jasminka, or maybe Sucy or Lotte or maybe even Constanze by some miracle for all she knew but she didn't care. She couldn't focus on anything else.

"I think I should just let you go."

No. No, no, no. She wanted to scream it but when her lips parted all that came out was empty air, all that came out was a gasping rendition of what could have been a laugh, before a hand closed around her arm and was pulling, pulling her away, but she didn't want to let go.

Blue eyes. Cool ocean. The girl she loved.

She wanted Diana, she wanted every single part of her without restraint and her mind throbbed as she tried to strain against the tug but she was helplessly submissive to her own backfiring brain and through shallow breaths and the ebb of her own vision, everything faded to nothing.

* * *

 

> _"I think I should just let you go."_

Diana's voice was haunting her thoughts and Akko could not escape the rattle of chains, the shrill echo of phantom words as they bounced about inside her skull.

Akko did not remember stumbling back to her dormitory alongside Lotte and Sucy, who were peppering her with questions like, "What happened with Diana?" and, "Did she hurt you again?" and, from Sucy only, "Do I need to order ricin to poison her with?" She ignored them all, paying attention only to the pounding of her heart and the numbing sensation that eased around her lungs, and instead forced herself forward.

_"I love you."_

She stumbled into the shower and stood there beneath the falling water until it grew cold, until her fingers had pruned against the wall that held her up and she wasn't entirely sure whether she'd actually washed her hair or not so she did it again, and probably a third time after that. When she finally climbed out, her skin shivering from how much the water had cooled, she was as lost as ever. Except with very clean hair. She threw on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, her skin still damp because she couldn't be bothered to focus long enough to dry completely, and blindly went back to her room.

Lotte was sitting on her bed.

"Hey, Akko," she said gently, offering a reassuring smile that seemed to blur before Akko's eyes. "I figured you might want to talk."

Akko swallowed, running her hand through her wet hair. She felt her jaw tense. "I don't," she murmured, glancing to her phone that was sitting on her night stand and hoping to see that blinking blue light but the screen was nothing but black. "I want to be alone."

Lotte's smile fell to a frown and she leaned forward, peering at Akko from behind thick lenses. "What happened with Diana?" she asked, clearly having no intention of going anywhere. "Did she…" she trailed off, eyes flickering across Akko's face.

"No," Akko said quickly, her fingers finding the bottom of her t-shirt to clench the fabric. "Well, not really. I don't know."

> " _I love you."_

"Lotte." The words were leaving her mouth before she could hold them back. "How do you know if you love somebody?"

The smaller girl's blue eyes widened behind her glasses. She studied Akko's face, tongue darting from her mouth to lick her lips as she considered her reply. "Well," she started, "I suppose when you don't want to be without them." She shrugged. "I knew I loved Frank when I couldn't imagine myself with anybody else. I knew that he was all I wanted." Another weak smile coasted across her freckled face. "But it's different for everybody."

The room grew quiet, save for the sound of students laughing somewhere down the hall in the dormitory building, and Akko took a shaky breath.

"Do you… do you think you love Diana?" Lotte's soft voice was a bolt of lightning into the silence. "Is that why you're asking?"

> " _I should just let you go."_

Akko closed her eyes and all she could see was Diana, all she could see was that ghost that she desperately wanted to stay but it felt like she always wanted to  _leave._  Let her go? She didn't want to be let go, she wanted to be held onto, she wanted to disappear into the warmth and comfort of Diana's arms and never move. She wanted Diana's voice in her ear, even when it was stilted and forced and far too aristocratic. She wanted that restrained laugh that Diana rarely ever let slip. She wanted the softest, sweetest lips against hers and the range of goosebumps that rose beneath Akko's touch. She wanted the scent of her shampoo when she buried her face into wild blonde hair. She wanted to sit and watch the way Diana took notes like it was a fine art or the way her eyebrows unconsciously twitched into different expressions while she read.

She wanted Diana Cavendish.

No, she  _loved_ Diana Cavendish.

All of her. Every last bit, from the confidence to the faux arrogance to the frightened and overwhelmed. She wanted the strengths  _and_  the weaknesses because they were all the ingredients that composed Diana, that had created the person she admired the most. None of it could be segmented and Akko didn't want that anyway. She had felt that pang of love for Diana when everything was good and she still felt it when everything was horrible, when everything fell apart.

"I have to go," Akko barely managed to squeak. She shoved her bare feet into her runners.

"Wait, what?"

"I have to go," she repeated.

She was out the door before Lotte could say another word and she was sprinting, running through the cold until her lungs ached and begged for air and her skin was numb from the frigid air but she didn't  _care_  because she had to get to Diana, she had to put everything back together the way it needed to be and not let her get away again, not let her leave like she did before. She ignored stares from other students that came from beneath the flood of lamplight, from beneath the shadows of the bones of trees that stretched into the dark sky, from beneath the glow of a waning moon. Her sneakers rang against the concrete, the only sound that shattered the stillness of the night save for the rhythmic breaths that slipped unconsciously from between her lips.

And before she knew it she was at Diana's door and the rowhouse loomed before her, dark and foreboding but she  _had_  to be there, she  _needed_ to be there, and so her fist fell upon the wood and pounded as she wheezed for air, as she ignored the icy air that stung deep into her bones and made her blood run cold beneath her skin.

She waited.

No answer.

Her fist struck the door once more. She sucked in air, her body giving way to the quaking of shivers. She waited until the door handle finally turned, creaked, and the door swung slowly open and Diana was standing there. She was so beautiful and so perfect, even though she looked like a mess, but she was  _Akko's_ mess and she was  _Akko's_ to fix because the doubt was there and it was real and it was palpable and Akko had to dispel it but all that came out of her mouth when she saw Diana's stunned face was:

"Don't go."

It was a wheeze, a lingering breath, and she knew that she had to say what she wanted to say, what she meant to say. The words that had been on the tip of her tongue for so long but she had been so confused because she had never felt it before, she had never experienced anything like it and it was new and foreign but she had to do it, she had to be brave and she had to let Diana know-

"Don't go, Diana." She sucked in air, swallowing her fear. "I love you."

The words came out a forced gasp but they were there nonetheless. Diana's eyes widened, pools of blue ocean that Akko let herself fall into. She let the waves wash over her and take her in, take her forward, and in a moment she was stepping across that threshold and the warmth of the interior of the house was closing in around her. Her lips found Diana's, found exactly where she wanted to be, where she needed to be. They were soft and perfect and they met hers with the same force, with the same desperation. The door slammed shut behind them. Akko couldn't tell who had closed it but it didn't matter. Only Diana mattered.

Their lips fell apart for a brief moment, and Akko heard herself say, "Don't leave me. Not again."

A beat. Diana's voice was a breathy whisper. "You love me?"

Akko felt her eyes soften, felt her skin crawl and numb with desire, and she nodded as her gaze fell to Diana's lips and she said it once more. This time, the words slipped through in a resolved whisper, in a forceful confirmation. "I love you. I love you and I want you. Only you."

Diana let out a long breath, her very essence sinking like a deflating balloon, as though Akko's words had taken a burden off her shoulders and she could finally be at peace and maybe she could, because that was how Akko felt. At peace. At home.

With the girl she loved.

Her hands found Diana's hair, found the wild blonde locks that looked golden in the low orange light of the lamps around them. Her arm felt weird without as brace but she thought little of it when her skin brushed against Diana's neck and a wave of electricity surged through her body. She wanted to kiss her, wanted to drink her in, wanted to satiate herself in the girl she loved and so she did. Akko fell forward, let her body press against Diana's in desperate need as their lips collided together once more.

Soft moans slid into the air and Akko had the forethought to ask, or more accurately state:

"Hannah. Barbara."

"Not here," Diana breathed into her mouth and Akko pressed her backwards, pushed her into the wall where the framed mirror next to the door rattled but did not fall. And if it did she wouldn't have cared, because there was only one thing in that moment and it was Diana Cavendish and her lips and her hair and her body and everything that made her weak in the knees every single day since they had first met, first spoken.

Since fire met water.

And seven years of bad luck could have very much waited a single night.

"Cold," Diana said into her lips.

Akko drifted away for a moment to say, "Huh?"

"You're so cold," Diana said, giggling nervously as fingers threaded through Akko's hair and tightened. Her face was flushed and her pupils blown and she pulled Akko into her, held them firmly together.

Akko's reply came quick and if it wasn't in the heat of the moment she would have praised herself. "Then warm me up," she breathed, and covered Diana's lips with her own once more.

Diana was falling into her, caving beneath her touch, melting against her skin. Akko felt a stab to her lower abdomen, a desperate plea of raging desire, and as soon as Diana's tongue snaked from her mouth and pressed against her bottom lip she knew that she couldn't hold back anymore. Her lips left Diana's and instead found the crook of her jaw, the soft and sensitive skin of her pulse point, and the desperate moan that left the other girl's mouth made her throb between her legs.

"Akko," Diana gasped. Her fingernails scraped against Akko's scalp. "Bedroom."

"Right," Akko panted. She didn't want to break away but she did and she waited those few desperate moments that seemed like an eternity from the parlor to the exact second the bedroom door closed behind them. She licked her lips, tasting Diana's peppermint chapstick. But she wanted to taste all of her, she wanted to cover Diana's body with her mouth and drink her fill, to bathe in the ocean blue that met her own flame red when the blonde turned.

She felt hungry, rabid, and she lunged forward, crashing against Diana once more, all tongue and teeth and gasps and moans, her fingers finding the bottom of Diana's shirt and pulling, slinging the fabric across the room with a desperate flick of her bad arm. She loved Diana and she wanted Diana to know it, to feel it.

Cold fingers danced against her sides. Diana tugged, barely able to free herself from Akko's grasp for the brief moment it took to remove the affronting clothing and let it fall to the ground before Akko was on her again, lips and tongue working on her neck, her shoulders, her collarbone. She could see Diana's chest heaving, the rise and fall of her breasts as she desperately filled her lungs with air.

Akko was not cold anymore. Her skin burned, set aflame by the girl who withered under her touch.

"Akko." The sentiment of her name fell breathless from Diana's lips. She was pulling, her fingernails digging crescents into Akko's shoulder blades. Akko could barely focus because her brain was fuzzy with lust but she knew what Diana wanted and so she guided her back, waited until her shin hit the edge of the bed.

Fingers found Akko's cheeks and Diana pressed their lips together and she guided them down, back, a freefall onto cool sheets and a soft mattress. Akko was grateful because it took the weight off her wrist, which she carefully tucked close to the warm skin of Diana's side. Her thigh slid on impulse between Diana's legs and she felt hips rise to greet the offered leg.

Diana gasped into her mouth and teeth gently fell against Akko's kiss-swollen bottom lip. Akko grinded into her in response, relishing in the response from her body as her stomach tensed and rolled. She slid her hand down the side of Diana's neck, over the rise of her breasts and across the peaks of her nipples.

She wanted to touch everywhere at once, to memorize Diana's body. She was the cartographer and Diana was her map and she desperately craved to plot every last inch of the beautiful landscape beneath her wandering fingers.

"I love you," Diana whispered into Akko's lips.

"I love you." Her response was instantaneous this time. There was no misfire in her brain, no failure for her tongue to push forward the words she longed to say. It was there, ready, and as soon as Diana tasted them on her lips she surged forward again, her eyes fluttering shut. A whine of a moan echoed into Akko's teeth and she devoured it, hungry, before her mouth fell and she once more tasted the salty skin of Diana's neck, the vague hint of lotion on her chest. She took her time because time was all they had, kissing down her breasts, rolling her tongue over hardening nipples, feeling muscles tense and harden underneath her fingers as Diana grinded more desperately against her thigh.

"Akko," Diana said again. Akko's eyes slid up from where her lips were clasped around Diana's breast. Her vision was clouded, hazy, and she could barely register the flicker of desire in the other girl's eyes. "Please."

No.

She would have said it but her mouth was busy and so she let her gaze fall and resumed what she was doing, ignoring the pitiful whine that left Diana's lips when she realized she wasn't getting her way. It had been so long since she'd touched Diana and she longed for it and  _this_  time she was going to savor every last drop.

Diana could wait.

Her tongue rolled over Diana's abdomen, her hips, pressed against the skin that shuddered involuntarily. When she reached where she wanted she sat up slowly, swallowing hard as she met Diana's lust-filled eyes once more. A couple of jokes came to mind but she kept her mouth shut because she admittedly didn't know much but she knew that now was not the time. Instead, she dared to move her unbraced wrist and though her fingers were not as deft and much more stiff than she wanted, she only needed them for one thing. Her hands hooked into the waistband of Diana's shorts and she pulled, red eyes never leaving blue.

Diana tilted her head up, her breath heavy and ragged as she raised her hips and let Akko slide her shorts away from her body. "I haven't shaved," she panted, her face flushed a bright crimson. "I'm sorry."

"I don't care," Akko growled. In all honesty it just made her mouth water more because that meant Diana hadn't been planning this, Diana hadn't anticipated this with Akko or anybody else, and for a moment she had to squeeze her eyes shut because the surge of fire through her body was almost too much.

When she opened them again she let herself take in the sight of Diana's pale, writhing body, the eyes that gazed expectantly into her own, the platinum hair that spread in waves around the face of the girl she loved so very much.

Yes, she loved her.

Why had there ever been doubt?

But Diana looked almost frightened. Worry etched across her brow and she gasped out as Akko started to lower back down. "Wait."

Akko was staring down, unconsciously licking her lips at the glistening folds that were begging for her mouth. At Diana's reservation she let her eyes flick back up. She cocked her head automatically to the side in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"I've never…" Diana swallowed, reached up. Fingers thread through Akko's still damp hair and she found herself leaning into the touch. "I've never—I haven't—Chloe never wanted to—I don't know if—"

Akko shivered beneath the weight of realization and she had to fight eyelids heavy with lust. Her answer came out in a wispy breath. "I want to."

Diana's eyes squeezed shut and she nodded, slowly lowering her head back to the mattress. Her hand fell from Akko's hair and instead found the hand that was resting, unused, at her side. She laced their fingers together and squeezed and that was all the confirmation Akko needed.

She could feel her own aching core, could feel how wet she was by the dampness against her thighs, against the fabric of the sweatpants that clung to her. But if Diana could wait, so could she. It wasn't about her right now—it was about Diana and making her feel loved, making her feel wanted, making her know that the space she'd opened inside for Akko was not something to regret—and so she dipped down and kissed once more over jutting hipbones, over the soft flesh of thighs.

"Please," Diana said again, a barely audible whisper between pants and gasps. "Please, Akko."

She had made Diana wait long enough.

Akko kissed her first, a light brush of her lips fueled mostly by curiosity and hesitation than anything else, but the response was immediate. Diana pushed up, a sharp gasp slipping through a partially open mouth. Akko wanted more of those noises. No, she wanted better noises, and so she threw caution to the wind and dove in, her tongue sweeping over wet, sensitive skin. Diana let out a choked moan and bucked her hips up so hard that skin hit teeth and she whimpered a little bit and so Akko snaked an arm under her thigh, pressed fingers into her hipbone, and held her down hard.

She had no idea what she was doing, so she made it up as she went along and hoped for the best. She watched Diana's reactions. Every roll of her hips, every squirm of her torso, every gasp and moan that filled the gap. She watched knuckles that alternated between relaxing and tightening against the sheets and knew she was doing something right when they turned white, when the sheets were pulled up and the muscles of Diana's forearm flexed and tightened.

Kuso, she hurt. It took everything in her not to pull her hand away from Diana's and touch herself but she didn't. She stayed resolute. She tightened her grip on the slender fingers between her own and focused. She focused on rhythm, on meter, on the stanza she wrote against Diana with her tongue as the melody of moans came to life in the air around them.

She didn't taste like what Akko had expected, not that she really  _knew_  what to expect. Maybe a little salty but mostly like nothing at all, though she was slick and it was hard to keep a steady pace with how much she was moving. Her thighs tensed and wavered against Akko's shoulders, shifting as her knees pulled up and she strained against the forced hold to the bed.

"Akko," Diana hissed, groaning once more when Akko dragged her tongue up. "I'm close."

Her tongue was starting to ache from effort and it was hard to breathe and she was  _not_  a quitter, but she couldn't fight the urge to be inside of her, to feel that flex against her fingers that she had come to enjoy so much. So she pulled her hand away from Diana's hip and brought them instead beneath her mouth, watching as Diana looked up in surprise. The shock in her eyes was a brilliant flash of pleasure as Akko slid into her, curling her fingers hard, watching as she threw her head back down and moaned long and loud. Her hips started moving again, free from restraint, and Akko let them. She closed her lips around Diana and rolled her with her tongue, flexing her fingers and watching, waiting, expecting.

It didn't take long at all.

"Akko, I—"

Followed by a word that Akko had  _never_  expected Diana to say.

" _Fuck_."

Diana cried out, her back arching off the bed, a long and wavering whine rattling against the walls of her throat. Her hips rocked hard into Akko's fingers, against her mouth, grinding with each hard pulse. The grip on Akko's hand hurt and she tried not to cry out as she felt the sudden and familiar ache in her wrist and instead focused on carrying Diana through, instead focused on the steady movement of her tongue and holding her fingers in place until she could feel Diana coming down, could feel that shudder of sudden sensitivity, and she slowly pulled away.

Diana was a mess beneath her but it was a mess much unlike earlier, a mess that Akko had made with her own hands and, well, mouth. The wrench in her chest hurt but this time it was adoration, not sadness, and she couldn't stop the smirk that tugged at one corner of her lip as she swiped the back of her hand across her lips and chin. The blitz of pain in her broken wrist stabbed once more and she finally let out a cry of, "Ow, ow," to which Diana replied with a breathless, "Bloody hell, I'm so sorry," and let her go.

But it was fine, it really was, and Akko let out a whisper of a giggle as she fell forward and curled into a chest sweaty with exertion. She watched the up and down of Diana's breasts as she struggled to catch her breath. Her face was flushed and her nostrils flared with the effort of breathing. One hand fell against Akko's back and fingernails gently stroked down, making her muscles shiver underneath the soft touch. She longed for more, for Diana to touch her. But not yet.

"How was that?" Akko asked, dragging her fingers across Diana's hipbones and grinning at how she pulled away.

Diana's head fell weakly to the side as she gazed into Akko's eyes, a weak smile flitting across her lips. "Need you ask?" she replied, shivering as Akko's palm ran over her chest. "I don't believe I've ever come that hard in my life." She laughed nervously, taking a deep, shaky breath. "I have something new to think about now."

"Huh?" Akko raised her eyebrows, letting her hand explore just because she could. "What do you—" It clicked. "Ohhh." Her lips curved into a mischievous smirk. "Well, geez, what'd you think about before?"

It was dark but Akko could still see the way Diana's cheeks heated and it made her chest swell with pride at flustering her. "I—you, obviously, but—" She pressed the heel of a hand into her eyes and whined. "Obviously it's you, but—"

Akko's eyes narrowed in suspicion as she watched the flood of terror on Diana's face. "You're being sketchy." She poked Diana in the sternum. "Why? What is it you think about?"

"I can't," Diana whimpered. She squeezed her eyes shut. "You'll be so mad."

Akko sat up, let her palm rest against Diana's chest. She stared down at a frowning Diana, at worried blue eyes, and the realization dawned on her in a flood of humiliation. " _Kuso_ ," she hissed, her lips falling open as the blonde cringed back. Crimson eyes flashed as she glared down, dragging her fingernails between Diana's ribs. "You do  _not_  think about that. Tell me you're kidding."

Diana's throat contracted as she swallowed.

" _Dianaaa_!" Akko whined, throwing herself back as her hand continued to wander. "That's so embarrassing."

"I'm sorry!" Diana moaned, the tips of her ears growing bright red. "It was so hot, you don't understand!"

Akko frowned, huffing as Diana's skin twitched beneath her fingers. Her hand coasted between her legs and found the insides of her thighs still damp. "Well, that's fine," she grumbled. "Because I just whip out that video Hannah sent me whenever I feel like getting off."

"You're lying," Diana hissed. She squirmed, her breath hitching as Akko slid against her, lips parting in a gasp.

Akko shrugged. Grinned. She pressed forward and dragged through, lifting her hand momentarily to rub the wetness between her fingers, to take in the hunger that had returned to Diana's eyes. "I guess you'll never know." She moved her hand back, taking in the whimper, the tentative and unconscious roll of hips. "But maybe you should give me something else to think about. You know, just in case."

"Hey, Akko?"

Diana's voice was little more than a whisper.

"Yeah?"

She was so wet that Akko felt a fresh surge to her core and she shuddered her way through a breath, a swallow.

Flushed lips tugged into a smile, one that made Akko feel like something inside her was melting away, like every bit of emotion pulled to one single place in her chest and funneled every last shred of focus to her heart, to that smile, to the girl.

Akko couldn't stop her own smile, the swell of affection, the fingers that moved automatically to make Diana hiccup a gasp. And as she drove into Diana once more, as lips crashed desperately into hers, she whispered, "I love you," right back into them and let herself fade away, let herself sink down, let herself drown in the cool blue ocean that was Diana Cavendish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so all i do is drink whiskey and write this and all my friends have started calling me Heming-gay and I'm not displeased with this
> 
> also I want to share fanart that was made by the beautiful **yumirix** and **pichiiparu** ily guys you make my heart happy
> 
> yumirix drew diana: <https://imgur.com/vQB8zV4>  
> and pichiiparu drew akko (this is based on a joke from the discord jhstrl;kjrah56g): <https://imgur.com/I7wxjRd>
> 
> hope you guys are okay after this chapter ok bye again


	45. Weight of the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry this took so long. i've been sick all week and it's v. hard to write when i'm coughing and sneezing everywhere. especially uhh some of this content.
> 
> bye (not) forever!!

 

* * *

DIANA

* * *

The air around them was nothing but heat, but raging fire. Her fingers slid against Akko's sweaty shoulders as she struggled to hold a grip. She knew that her fingernails were digging crescents into the other girl's skin and she was being rough about it but she couldn't help it and Akko  _had_  to know she couldn't. There was no way she didn't. It wasn't possible for Akko to not know exactly what she was doing to her, exactly the mess she was making of a girl who once had everything so tightly kept together.

Bright red eyes locked into hers as Akko pressed into her, mouth slightly ajar as a gasp of effort slid from between pale lips. Diana had never been touched like this—she had never felt truly wanted, truly desired like this—and so the very feeling of Akko curling inside with each grunt of a thrust made her weak, made her shiver, and all she could do was struggle to hold on. All she could do was ground herself in fire, in the burning embers of Akko's eyes, and let herself fall into the warm body that engulfed her.

"I love you," Diana breathed, because it was all she could say, all she  _wanted_  to say, and let her head fall back to the mattress once more. She could feel the disaster that her hair had become, the waves of unruly blonde that swirled around her and tangled with each grind of Akko's body. The sheets beneath her were crumpled and wet and in the back of her mind she knew that she'd have to change them before she went to sleep but she didn't care, she didn't want to think about it. Akko was  _there_ , she was with her, she was around and inside her and she felt the same because:

"I love you, too," Akko said, her lips brushing against the shell of Diana's ear as she whispered her sentiment and drove forward. Brunette hair tickled against Diana's neck, against her cheek, swirling around her shoulders as Akko's muscles flexed and hardened in steady rhythm.

She could feel the tension inside her building again and she knew it wouldn't take long. Her fingers tightened against Akko's shoulders and she gasped, letting her eyes flutter shut as her hips rose to meet each thrust. She felt weak and shaky and she knew she was losing control of her leg muscles but she held on anyway. She held on because she didn't want it to end. But, this time, it was because everything felt so good, so right.

Akko's nose nuzzled into her neck, her lips kissed and her teeth nipped and Diana knew she would have angry marks in the morning but she didn't care. Warm, gasping breath hit her ears in rhythmic waves and it made her mouth fall open, made whines echo against the roof of her mouth, made her own breath hitch and shudder.

Before she could fight it back once more her toes were curling into the sheets and that familiar pulse was waving through her torso and between her legs and she was riding the edge, she was dangling before that plane of heaven that Akko was in control of but torturing her with in just the right way-

"Akko," Diana whined, her nails running down Akko's sides, over the hills of her ribs, as her hips became unconsciously more frantic. "Please. I want to come."

Akko hummed into her ear. She could feel that playful smile tugging at the other girl's lips.

"Then be a good girl and come for me," Akko hissed.

A thumb pressed forward, rubbed against her hard and unrelenting. Fingers curled and caressed in a frenzied choked on a breath, her shoulders finding purchase in the bed as her hips slammed forward and she came hard, wave after aching wave shivering through her core. She could hear herself mewling unintelligible gibberish, could feel herself clawing at the soft skin of Akko's back, but there was no longer any semblance of self-control. In that moment she was Akko's, Akko's alone, and nothing mattered but the strong arms that held her while her body flexed against the fingers that became still inside of her.

"Bloody hell," she finally panted, letting her fingers relax before her arms fell back to the bed entirely. "I, uh, don't think I can move anymore."

Akko was grinning. Her teeth flashed in the moonlight that pierced through the window as she sat slowly back, curling her fingers in a tease that made Diana whimper and shiver away.

"Good," Akko purred. "Maybe now you can forget about that other night you liked so much."

In that moment, with her bangs clinging to the sheen of sweat on her forehead and her brown hair tousled and tangled as it fell around her thin shoulders, she looked more confident and self-assured than Diana had ever seen her. Gone was the girl who blushed with each flirty interaction, the girl who had relinquished control for fear of a mistake, the girl who had tip-toed her way into bravery. It was a different side of Akko, an untamed beast that had broken free from a cage of insecurities, and Diana liked it very,  _very_  much.

She had opened her mouth to say something, likely a cheeky retort to Akko's prodding statement, but any idea of what she was about to say left immediately when she heard the rush of footsteps against the hardwood floor, growing closer and louder, and instead all that came out was a garbled and non-distinct, "Don't!" just as the door to her room slammed open.

"Oh," was the very quick, very breathless reply that came from Hannah as she stared, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, at a very half-naked Akko whose fingers were still inside a very fully-naked Diana. "Hell. I just—heard—and worried-"

"Get  _out!_ " Diana shrieked, struggling to find something to cover herself with and coming up completely empty-handed so instead she grabbed Akko and tugged her body down so they were flush together and Akko was covering any possible modesty that still remained. Akko let out a surprised grunt, her fingers wet and sliding over the inside of Diana's thighs as she yanked her hand away.

"Okay!" Hannah squeaked, whirling with her hands over her eyes as she grabbed the door handle and slammed the door shut. "Good to see you, Akko!" she added as a lame, muffled side-bit, clearly smothering her face in her hands.

Her face was a burning fire and she knew it, she knew exactly how hot and how red she was because it was flooding her cheeks and into the tips of her ears. "Oh, my God," she mumbled, pushing the heels of her hands into her eyes as Akko shifted on top of her. The other girl's shoulders were shaking and for a moment she thought Akko was crying but when she pulled her hands away she realized she was  _laughing_. "What's so funny?" she grumbled, squirming uncomfortably as the cool air hit her sweaty skin. She grabbed a quilt that had been lying across the corner of her bed and draped it over herself and Akko, pulling them up and onto the pillows instead of the damp sheets they'd been on top of for the past hour.

"She just comes in like that?" Akko said, giggling to herself as she rolled onto her side and beamed at Diana with a wide grin. "That's so bold."

"Yes," Diana moaned. She turned, wrapping one arm around Akko's waist as she tugged the other girl close and buried her face into her neck. Akko was still chuckling as Diana let the flame in her cheeks cool against warm skin. "I've asked her to stop so many times but she just keeps—wait, how are you not embarrassed about this?"

"I don't care." Akko's shoulders twitched in a shrug. "It's not like I look bad or anything."

"I-" Diana blinked, eyebrows stitching together against Akko's skin as she huffed and thought about that statement. Sure, Hannah and Barbara had seen her naked plenty of times—all on accident, if she was being honest, and all while coming into her room unannounced—but being found with Akko in a very lewd manner was something that she wasn't altogether prepared to handle. "No," she said with a sigh, running her fingers over the rivets of Akko's abs. "You certainly don't."

Akko hummed, running her fingers through Diana's hair to slowly and painlessly work at the snarls. "You don't, either," she murmured, leaning forward to press a breath of a kiss to the corner of Diana's lips. "So you don't need to be embarrassed."

She  _was_  still humiliated and Hannah would certainly get a piece of her mind at a... later... time, when she wasn't completely preoccupied with the girl in her arms and how perfectly beautiful she looked. Though she was still  _very_  much aware that Akko was still wearing the baggy grey sweatpants she'd run over in and that was completely unacceptable. Her fingers trailed down the muscled abdomen, slipped beneath the waistband of those pants, and slowly trailed down.

A sigh of approval slipped from Akko's lips and she arched her back, fingers tightening into blonde curls as she rolled her hips forward in an effort to get what she wanted most.

"Tell me again," Diana moaned, sliding a finger through Akko and shuddering when she felt just how much the other girl wanted her.

"That I love you?"

Diana squeezed her eyes shut, a sharp inhale filling her lungs as she lowered her mouth to Akko's neck, her chest, the soft skin over taut muscles. Akko was rolling and squirming, her legs kicking into the sheets as Diana hooked her fingers into the waistband of her sweatpants and pulled. Her hips rose obediently and she let out a pathetic whine when Diana leaned back in and let out a short puff of warm air against wet skin.

"I love you, Diana," Akko whimpered once more, the fingers of her bad hand gently pushing wavy blonde hair behind Diana's ear. She leaned into the touch, lifting her eyes to meet Akko's, to seek warmth, to find love.

"I love you, too, Akko."

The sentiment slipped into Akko's body along with her tongue and she reveled in the sudden gasp, the low whine, the roll of hips against her mouth. She melted into her, lips and hot, heavy breaths against warm skin. And she thought about those three words—those three words that she had longed to hear, longed to say—as she tasted the girl she loved and wrote the gravity of her love against her body.

* * *

Diana had an 8 o'clock class that she hadn't missed at all that semester.

She also didn't care, because Akko was snuggled warm and cozy in her arms and the sheets were soft and cool and rain was pattering gently against her window.

So she skipped it.

It wasn't as though she had made that decision lightly. She had, after all, woken up at 06:30 as per routine and debated whether or not to wake Akko so that she could have her usual breakfast and shower before heading out. She'd even shifted beneath the weight of the body and limbs that were tangled through her own, but Akko had let out the cutest whimper and only held tighter and so she'd resigned herself to her thoughts.

Alright, so it was just Nutrition. There was nothing going on, likely just another review for finals, which she admittedly did not need because her notes were far superior to the rest of the class and she knew all the answers anyway. She'd gotten perfect marks on every other exam, project, and paper, and so missing a single class would not have any ill effect whatsoever.

The notion of skipping gave her anxiety, but she let herself succumb to the girl whose brunette hair was wild and tangled against the pillow and whose fingers twitched and tickled against Diana's side as she slept. Their clothes were still slung everywhere across the room and her MacBook had been open and on all night, but none of that really mattered. Nothing mattered but warm skin, but steady breaths, but the smile that tugged at Diana's lips as she sank into peace. She let herself fall into thought, let herself travel back to childhood and a time when her mother was still alive.

She couldn't remember her father. There were small things, fleeting memories that popped up at random times and made her stop and reflect, made her grasp for a better recollection but it was like trying to cup water in her palm and the thoughts slipped away.

She knew what he looked like, of course. There were portraits and pictures, her favorite being the one from her parents' wedding day, where her mother wore a shimmering white dress and a radiant smile and her father looked like he'd scored a win in the Gold Cup at Royal Ascot. It was right next to the wide staircase that led to the east wing and she would often stop and stare, would often marvel in the beauty that was young love captured in a single moment of unadulterated happiness. Happiness unmarred by sadness, by tragedy, by death.

Diana had been too young to process the day that Daryl had tearfully broken the news of the accident to her mother. She had been too young to understand why her mother could do nothing but cry, why the manor suddenly felt so cold and empty and withered with the state of despair that was its keeper. She selfishly wanted her mother to get out of bed, to make her dinner, to play with her or take her for a ride on her favorite mare. And she didn't understand why her father wasn't coming home ever, though he was rarely around in the first place, and everything was so  _wrong._

All she had was pictures. A leather recliner. A few old documents that held his signature. Those flickering memories that felt like another lifetime altogether, like scenes from a movie of somebody else's life. Not her own.

For the longest time, she couldn't understand the purpose of being with another person. Her mother was different after that day and it was like the world had rotated to a separate axis altogether and they circled a new sun, but this one was dark and dismal and scarred with loneliness and loss. To Diana, it didn't seem right that you just gave so much of yourself to somebody else, to somebody who held your heart in their hands and you had to trust them to not drop it. They could leave, they could  _die_ , and then what? Then you were alone and a piece of you was missing, a piece that you had before but was now gone, and so in the end it was just one big sacrifice.

"Why did you marry Papa?" Diana had asked one day when her mother was in one of her sicker stages, the days when the chemotherapy wasn't working anymore and every morning was question of bed-ridden illness or awake and alright. The rougher days made Diana sad, especially if it was sunny and warm and her mother was stuck inside, and so she would take to lying at her side and prodding her single parent for knowledge.

Her mother had given her a sideways glance around the Hanoverian breeding program she was holding, one blonde eyebrow arched with curiosity. "Because I loved him," she said simply, as though the answer was there the whole time, and went back to the stallion she was perusing.

"But why?"

She could remember the labored breath her mother took as she lowered the catalogue. The long pause in which she reached for the glass of water on her bedside table and took a long drink. It was a moment before she settled back against the headboard and answered.

"Because he was a kind and gentle person," her mother had replied, "and I wanted to spend my life with him."

"But you're not," Diana said. And, in a very childlike and blunt way that she now regretted when she looked back, added, "Because he's dead."

"Yes." The response had not been snapped, nor irritated, but simply matter-of-fact. "He is. But I spent his life with him and that's still important."

Diana had stopped to think about it for so long that her mother had once more picked up her catalogue. Finally, she had asked, "But what about yours?"

"Pardon me?"

"What about your life?" Diana studied her mother's face for any kind of reaction, but it remained neutral as always. "'Cause he's not here anymore."

" _Be_ cause," her mother corrected. "And my life was better for being with him, if only for a short time. Having some time was better than none at all."

Diana had not understood. She understood even less when her mother passed and she was left with that emptiness, with that loneliness, and the darkness took over what little light she'd had left. She'd seen those few rays again with Chloe, sunlight that peeked through clouds and threatened to part the storm, but that had all gone away and then she understood even  _less_  because it had seemed that life was about loneliness, about adapting to your own two hands and no one else's. What was the point?

She hadn't even realized that she'd drifted back to sleep until Akko stirred next to her. Fingers tickled at her ribcage, followed by a long yawn that made her weary eyes flutter open.

"Mm," Akko purred, tightening her grip around Diana's torso and pulling her closer. Her eyes slanted with a wide, drowsy smile. "Morning."

"Good morning," Diana murmured, planting a kiss to Akko's forehead, unable to stop the smile that spread across her lips. "How'd you sleep?"

Akko hummed. Buried her face in the crook of Diana's neck and kissed. "Better than ever."

A hand wandered over the muscles of her back, her torso, her abdomen. From beyond her bedroom door she could hear both Hannah and Barbara getting ready for their day downstairs, an act filled with quiet murmurs and the comforting clink of dishes and utensils, and the guilt of skipping ebbed once more.

"Didn't you have class?" Sleep still tugged at Akko's voice but the path of her fingers was telling Diana that she had no plans of falling asleep once more. "I thought you had an 8 a.m on Fridays."

"I..." Diana hesitated, nibbling at her bottom lip as she stared into the weary red eyes that met her own. With a final mental push, the gnawing irresponsibility of missing class was shoved away entirely. "I decided I had somewhere else I would rather be."

"Where's that?"

Diana couldn't tell if Akko was joking or not because she had a way of deadpanning the silliest of questions and so she answered honestly anyway. "With you, obviously."

Akko let out a raspy chuckle that tickled Diana's jaw. "I know. I just wanted to hear you say it."

Fingers were trailing down and touching her now and Diana felt her hips move unconsciously. A low moan slid from her mouth before she could stop it and she took a deep breath, turning to find the playful smirk that lit Akko's eyes.

The rollercoaster of emotion that was the previous night hit her hard and she opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Instead, she pressed her forehead into Akko's cheek and clenched her teeth, letting fingers move against her and around her, and took in the heat, the waver of her own muscles, the twitch of Akko's cheek as her grin widened. She let the uncertainty wash away and instead recalled the sentiment that she had longed to hear but thought she wouldn't, the words that left Akko's lips a moment later in a whispered, "I love you."

Akko might not always be there. She could fall away, she could leave, she could disappear entirely and fade to nothing more than the same wisp of memories that were Diana's father. But she was there  _now_ , she was there when Diana  _wanted_  her to be, even after everything, and there was no other place she wanted to find herself in that moment.

And she finally understood what her mother was trying to tell her. What she didn't understand as a child or a teenager or even a young adult. What she didn't understand until that moment when Akko was giggling into her neck because she'd gotten herself tangled in the sheets and was flopping all over her like a fish out of water.

She understood that having Akko in her life for some time was much better than not having her at all. Akko made her happy, made her warm, made her feel comfortable and at home at the smallest touch. She might not always be there, but she was then and Diana's life was better for it and so it made  _sense_.

Sure, there fear would always be a quiet voice in the back of her mind. A dim pulse of a threat that loss was inevitable, that loneliness would always loom a dark cloud on the horizon. It was the weight of the world and Diana felt that, she knew that, but it was okay because of the giggling mess of a girl who knew nothing but acceptance and glee. A girl who was a beautiful reminder that love was a very real thing and it was in the form of a bright smile and a yelping, "Ouch!" as Akko twisted her wrist the wrong way and fell down across Diana's torso in a huff of defeat.

Fear was the weight of the world, but the world was in her arms, and suddenly the burden did not seem so much to bear.

* * *

Even the trees were frozen.

Icicles hung low from the dangling branches, reaching toward a hard-packed ground that seemed to ring out underneath Beatrix's steady hooves. At her side, Cello stretched a red muzzle towards a long tendril of ice that hung from a low limb and let out a thoughtful snort.

Her breath warmed the lower half of her face as she blew into her scarf and squirmed against the soft leather of her saddle. The last thing she had wanted to spend her Friday evening doing was riding in the freezing cold in temperatures that had dipped to -4 over the course of a very windy day. Hannah had been silent for the entire hack—she hadn't complained about the cold or the wind a single time, which was out of character—and that didn't change as the two horses walked side-by-side along the winding trail leading from the back fields to the stable.

It was awkward, much like every interaction for the past few weeks. Hannah seemed entirely uninterested in conversation and Diana was never one for handling herself in social situations such as this, and so the quiet had only thickened between them until it was nearly unbearable. Barbara had been a welcome relief between the two of them and for once her ramblings about boys from Appleton were something to hold onto. She was the string that held the trio together, but she'd been ill with a cold for the last two days and had chosen to stay home and rest. Of course Diana fully supported that idea (and enforced it), though now she very much did wish that the apex of their triangle was where she should be.

She had tried to apologize to Hannah the once and then that ended up with the whole Avery thing and, well, even more awkward. Hannah had seemed grumpy and withdrawn since, and that wasn't to say that Diana wasn't, herself, because she most certainly was, but things were not as they should have been and she was very much aware of that.

Was it up to her to say something? Or Hannah? What would she even say?

_Hey, Han, I'm a horrible friend. I apologize for being such a mess and would quite like to forget about everything that happened in the past month or so._

Yeah, that wouldn't work. Hannah was rather spiteful. If Diana hadn't already known that, the recent events involving Amanda would have certainly been a big indication.

"Diana?"

The soft voice of her friend brought her from her reverie and she flexed her gloved fingers against the reins, trying to keep them warm as she poked up out of her scarf and felt the cold impale her lips. The wind stung her face, burning her face and making her eyes water, though she ignored it as she turned her gaze to find hazel eyes looking back at her.

Hannah's cheeks were flared a bright red and she'd tugged her hair from its braid in an effort to seek some warmth. Auburn hair billowed from beneath her helmet, draping around the thick wool scarf she'd carefully tied around her neck and cascading down the shoulders and back of her coat. She looked almost childish, like a kid who was just going on a pony ride for the first time, and she rocked slowly in her saddle with Cello's long strides.

"I'd like to apologize."

Diana blinked. Narrowed her eyes. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"I do," Hannah said, frowning as she shifted in her saddle and threaded her fingers through Cello's short red mane. "I've been a terrible friend. About Akko, the Avery thing... everything, really."

"I'm the one who mistreated you," Diana murmured. The wind and cold stung into her mouth as she spoke and made her teeth ache. "I've been dreadful lately."

Hannah shrugged, swiping the back of her glove against her red, runny nose. "I won't argue that. But I should have been more supportive. I knew you were vulnerable after Chloe and-" She frowned and met Diana's gaze once more. "After Amanda, I hardly have any space to judge. Akko makes you happy and I'm glad it all worked out. Even if I had to, uh, see that firsthand last night."

Diana flushed and cleared her throat. Beneath her, Beatrix took the reins that had slid through her fingers and reached down, snorting at the ground as she plodded along.

"I appreciate the sentiment," she said after a moment. "Though I still hardly think you have anything to apologize for."

Diana burrowed back into her scarf, ignoring the tickle of wayward strands of hair as she moved. She could see the lights of the stable between the trees, could hear the monotonous praise of riders, the call of instructors, what she once thought was very annoying and inappropriate shouting from the Games team. Beatrix quickened her pace, her ears flicking forward at the prospect of supper.

"I didn't argue with Amanda about my family," she heard Hannah say.

"Pardon?" She lifted her chin back out of her scarf. And she wasn't asking because the statement confused her. It was rather windy in her ears and it made it hard to hear.

"We argued about you," Hannah said, her voice a bit louder, a bit more confident. "I... heard some of what she said to you the other day. At the Chariot fountain. It upset me."

Diana frowned and shivered inside her coat. Thank goodness they were almost back. Not that the barn would be much warmer, but at least it would shield the wind. "She was right," Diana admitted, forcing a smile that had nothing behind it. "Everything she said, I already knew myself."

"Yeah, but it was out of line," Hannah countered. She was staring straight ahead as they left the woods, watching the Games team practicing in the distance. "That thing about you not deserving Akko. That's not true at all." She leaned back in her saddle and scratched mindlessly at Cello's withers. "You do deserve Akko." She offered a weak smile as she turned back to Diana. "I like you two together. That's why I was so upset when you did what you did."

Diana said nothing. What was there to say?

"You deserve what makes you happy. Which is Akko," Hannah added. She puffed at a strand of hair and tugged on the reins, bringing Cello to a halt as she leveled a gaze with Diana. "You deserve to  _be_  happy."

Beatrix halted automatically next to her workmate, ears twitching to and fro as she glanced between the barn and the chestnut gelding standing next to her.

"That's not one-sided," Diana said, holding Hannah's stare and letting a small smile grow. "You deserve to be happy, too."

Hannah nodded, turning to gaze thoughtfully at the team that was just winding down their practice, their ponies walking around the equipment scattered through the arena as they cooled out. It was dark but Diana could still make out their faces, could see Amanda swivel on Star to look in their direction.

"Go fix it." Diana nodded in Amanda's direction. "I believe we've both learned what not talking about things earns us."

She could see Akko hopping down off the fence, the arm that rose in an enthusiastic wave when she saw the two Hunt Team riders staring in their direction. Her smile grew with the swell in her chest.

"Yeah, you're right," Hannah mused. She nudged Cello forward, turning only to give Diana a wink and a grin. "For once."


	46. The Effect of Diana Cavendish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember that time in ch. 26 i said that would be the only perspective that wasn't diana and akko's
> 
> i changed my mind k

 

* * *

**HANNAH**

* * *

The aristocratic family that she came from would by no means approve of Amanda O'Neill. The O'Neill was everything that the Englands were not: crass, rambunctious, a free-spirit that saw nothing as an obstacle aside from her own stubborn attitude. And, sure, Amanda was from a wealthy family back in the States where the O'Neill name dominated the Hunter/Jumper scene, but they were new money and American to boot and Hannah came from wealth, from high society, from an old line of respected equestrians and entrepreneurs.

It was something her family would truly not accept.

That was precisely why Hannah liked her. Because she was exactly what her parents didn't want to see her with. She was exactly the type of person that Hannah found fascinating, that she wanted to be like herself. Amanda promised adventure, laughter, the freedom that she didn't see herself having in following the footsteps of every other member of the England family. Amanda made her think about the days when Hannah would pretend to be Lara Croft at the manor, when she would scale the marble statues in their back garden or jump from each antique piece of furniture until her mother screamed at her for ruining clothing and soiling expensive fabric. She brought her back to the days when she would take their fancy Hunter/Jumpers for long gallops through the fields beyond their estate until their nostrils were blowing with effort and their necks were foamed with sweat. When she was with Amanda, she was all those things again, all those people that she admired but never had a chance to be.

But there was a canyon between where she wanted to be and who she was  _supposed_  to be, and Amanda was that leap. A long, terrifying journey into something that she wouldn't be able to look back from because there would be nobody waiting for her when she returned.

Her parents did not know she was bisexual, nor her siblings It was something that she would not be able to tell them until she was positive that she could break free, until she was one-hundred-percent certain sacrificing an inheritance and a family that she loved regardless of their haughty lifestyle, and so Amanda was a wrench in the machine that made everything stop.

She'd tried to hold back. She truly did. At first she had told herself that she was okay with just being good friends with Amanda. After all, they were on the same team and their personalities meshed so well that at one point Barbara had expressed concern over being taken over as Hannah's best friend. Which was absolutely ridiculous, because she and Barb had been together  _forever_  and she was absolutely irreplacable.

But then Amanda had to go and be amazing and so bloody  _attractive_  and there was that one time they went to the river and she'd seen Amanda in a bikini and good Lord the muscles on that girl were  _extraordinary_ -

The very thought of that incredible body had made Hannah shiver for weeks after.

And then the flirting, the passive comments that could have easily been shoved off as banter but Hannah  _knew_  it was flirting based on the way Amanda looked at her and Hannah looked at her the same way. And she told herself that she should stop, that she should go ahead and accept the American as a good friend and nothing more, but they spent so much time together on the Hunt Team that every second that ticked away just made her fall harder and harder.

There was the side of Amanda that many didn't get to see. That sweet side, that shy side, the one that got completely flustered when Hannah beat her at her own flirting game. It was so cute the way a blush flared into her cheeks and she started to stutter and she couldn't hold eye contact. It was absolutely  _adorable_ when she made a cute comment back, one that wasn't crude or crass or anything that was expected of the wily girl, one that was an actual compliment, and it made Hannah's breath shallow and her eyes glaze with both adoration and confusion.

But she made no move. She made no move because the weight of her heritage was a grim reminder of everything that she stood to lose and she didn't know if Amanda was real, if it was something that was even worth sacrificing her entire life for. Besides, she had Amanda as one of her best friends, and that was better than not having her at all. Right?

Her parents were in the midst of trying to set her up with some guy from Appleton, some heir to a technology corporation, on the very night that brought her and Amanda together and subsequently ripped them apart. There had been days, weeks, months of relentless flirting and it was all Hannah could do to not melt into the other girl's arms. But every other time she had been sober and able to hold back, able to maintain the poise that she'd been groomed into from a young girl. Every other time she had gone home alone.

It was that night in Bristol that changed everything.

Amanda was no stranger to being drunk and Hannah knew that well. Amanda was wild in all aspects, in every sense of the word, and she often let herself indulge in pubs during shows. She was the life of the party while she was sober but when she drank she was  _the_  party, and so for once Hannah wanted to join her. She wanted to lose her inhibitions, too. She wanted to engage in the merciless flirting that would happen when Amanda was drunk. It was something she could keep up with, sober, but when Amanda was drunk it escalated so much that Hannah was usually left blushing and blubbering and so the challenge was so very appealing she couldn't resist.

It was a mistake. It was her mistake, because she was the one who made the first move. She was the one who lost control and crashed into Amanda. Into the girl that she had wanted for months but tried so desperately not to. She was the one who initiated  _everything_ , the one who had made that terrifying step and threw everything that she knew she was, that she was expected to be, into the wind.

Hannah wanted Amanda O'Neill.

She always had.

The alcohol became a catalyst, a hellbox that set off the incredible night that Hannah had longed to have. Amanda responded in a way that told Hannah that she wanted her, too, and as they fell into a tangled mess of kisses and roaming hands and happy giggles, the explosion resonated in the best way possible.

But with the blastwave of pleasure and relief came negative pressure and in the morning there was dissonance, there was the awkward silence of two people who were unsure of how to continue, and Amanda had uttered words that Hannah had been so scared to hear:

"That was fun," Amanda had said. Hannah remembered the way she scratched the back of her neck, had ruffled hair that was absolutely wild from the night before. The American chuckled nervously and added, "Alcohol's a hell of a drug, ain't it?"

Hannah was not a stranger to mindless, emotionless sex. Hell, she had Tinder. It wasn't hard to find a guy or a girl that just wanted a night of fun and nothing more and it wasn't anything that she was opposed to. A girl had her needs, after all, and she had never been modest or prude in any way.

Amanda was different. She had  _wanted_  it. It had  _meant_ something. It had meant  _everything._

But apparently it hadn't meant anything to Amanda. Not like it had to Hannah. To Amanda it was just another night, just another decision that she'd made as a result of intoxication. And so in that moment Hannah knew she had misinterpreted, had misread the months of flirting and tension. Amanda was flirtatious. Hell, she flirted with anything that didn't have a dick, and so Hannah should have  _known_ that she wasn't special in any way.

It hurt. It hurt a lot.

And, so, a little more angrily than she probably should have, she'd said, "You're right. It meant nothing."

Everything fell apart.

Amanda pushed her away.

It seemed so  _easy_ for her, which only made Hannah feel even more worthless. It seemed so easy for Amanda to throw everything away, to just forget the friendship that they'd built, and honestly it had felt so much like everything else in her entire life. She was used to using and being used. It was the mantra of any well-functioning aristocracy: if they didn't serve a purpose, they were no longer needed.

Hannah served no purpose, and so she was no longer needed.

But then everything with Diana happened.

Diana Cavendish, the picture perfect heiress to the Cavendish estate and the Veterinary empire, who had let herself fall from grace so effortlessly with the introduction of somebody who swept her off her feet. Hannah had grown used to seeing Diana in the way that she presented herself: flawless and all-knowing, somebody who both she and Barbara and so many other students at Luna Nova looked up to immensely.

Suddenly there was humanity there. There was that spark of life, of vulnerability, that Hannah had only seen once before and it was during her breakup with Chloe. Diana had fallen apart then, too, but it was in an entirely different way. She had collapsed beneath the weight of her own grief, had let herself become victim to very real heartbreak that she seemed so very above.

It had been horrible to watch.

But then there was Akko.

Akko brought forward the cracks, the light that was struggling to find its way through the dark, and it was like being a bystander and watching her own scene with Amanda play out before her very eyes except this time she could  _see_  how ridiculous it was. Akko clearly liked Diana, that much was certain, and Diana was trying in vain to show the same affection but they just weren't connecting for so long even though Hannah wanted to shove them together and shout, "Now kiss!"

And as she watched the budding romance, the rise and fall and then rebith of something so right and so  _perfect_ , she knew.

She and Amanda had failed each other.

Amanda had felt the same. Amanda had been there the entire time, ready and waiting and trying so very hard to make Hannah see that. She hadn't wanted to lose Amanda. Hannah had wanted to keep her around, even if it was in a platonic way, and she was just so very scared that if she made a move she would lose her family but more importantly  _Amanda_.

She had done exactly that.

But being friends with Diana had changed that entirely. She watched as Diana followed the exact path that she herself had been on, one that went from absolute glee to complete devastation with the change of the tide, and she wanted so desperately to just shake Diana and tell her to get her act together. She wanted to scream into the Cavendish's face, something she would never have dared to do months before, and tell her that she was being an idiot. She was making all the mistakes that Hannah herself had made. She was throwing away the one thing she wanted because she was  _scared_ and that was  _stupid_ because Akko was amazing just like Amanda was-

And so when Diana was finally trying to make everything right, when she was throwing her pride to the side and trying so hard to fix things between her and Akko, it upset Hannah that Amanda would have the gall to tell Diana that she didn't deserve Akko because yes, she  _did_. Diana deserve to be happy just like Hannah did, just like Amanda did, and bloody hell if Hannah had never taken that step in that bar and Amanda hadn't given her that chance they would still be where they were  _at_.  
Amanda, of all people, had no right to say those things to Diana. And Hannah had no right to be unsupportive, to stir the pot with the false prospect of Avery, and so the two of them were being so hypocritical that she just couldn't stand it anymore.

"That was not fair of you to say at all," Hannah snapped once she thought they were well out of earshot of Diana. She had turned to make sure that the blonde was far enough away, but saw that Akko had joined her anyway and so she likely wasn't paying attention.

"Huh?" Amanda shot her a glance, one eyebrow quirked curiously. "What are you talking about?"

"Telling Diana that she doesn't deserve Akko." Hannah huffed and pulled her hand away from Amanda's. "That wasn't fair. We probably don't deserve each other, either, but here we are." She stopped in her tracks, kicking at a small twig and turning to face the taller girl. "She's trying to make everything right. We should be supporting her."

"Did you even see what she did to Akko?" Amanda asked. She was already on the defense. "The girl was an absolute mess. And now she thinks that she can just snap her fingers and work her Cavendish magic and everything she did can be forgotten. I'm sick of watching her feel so entitled to everything."

"She doesn't feel  _entitled_ to anything." Hannah could feel herself glaring. She folded her arms over her chest and straightened her back, knowing full well that Amanda was not going to take criticism to her actions well. She rarely did. "You don't know Diana the way I do. She's just trying to make things right."

"And who says she's not just going to hurt Akko again?" Amanda shot back. "You don't know Akko like  _I_  do. She really likes Diana and I don't want her to think love is just one big mess."

Hannah frowned. She ignored the cold that nipped through the fabric of her jumper—she had severely underdressed for the weather, but such was fashion—and stood her ground. "And who's to say love isn't one big mess? Have you met us?  _We_ managed to work it out."

"Yeah, after you were a giant bitch for half a year."

"Well  _you_  weren't exactly pleasant yourself,  _O'Neill_." Her nose twitched with irritation. "And I certainly don't appreciate being called a bitch."

"You're right," Amanda apologized. She bowed her head, frowning sheepishly as she nervously folded her hands into the pocket of her hoodie. "That was totally out of line."

"And so was what you said to Diana," Hannah grumbled. "You don't know what she's been through like I do. Sure, you saw what happened with Chloe, but were you  _there_? I live with her. I had to hear her cry herself to sleep every night and pray to a God she doesn't believe in to take the pain away when she thought we couldn't hear her. It was nice to see her finally be happy with someone and, sure, I was mad, too, but she needs somebody in her corner."

Amanda's freckles could hardly be seen from how bright her cheeks were.

"But Akko-"

"Akko is an adult." Hannah tossed one hand in the air, absently digging through her satchel with the other to find her knit cap—the one that matched her jumper, of course—to tug over her auburn hair. "If she wasn't still interested in fixing things with Diana, she wouldn't be trying, either. It's her decision to make. And I don't know about  _you_ -" She leveled her gaze with bright green eyes once more, eyes that flashed with uncertainty and irritation. "But I certainly don't want to watch them make the same mistake  _we_ did."

"You mean that  _you_  did?" Amanda hissed. "You're the one that ran."

"And it wasn't like you made any attempt to stop me. You weren't real about your feelings, either, so if anything you should be taking lessons from Akko, because she's at least brave enough to be transparent. So get off your high horse. Or, really, your short pony."

It was a harsh thing to say and Hannah knew it, but she couldn't help it. Just  _thinking_  about the entire situation—the months that she'd lost with Amanda, the emotional turmoil that had festered inside for so long—made her irrationally angry. And she knew it was wrong, she knew that she should have let herself cool off before talking to Amanda about something so sensitive, but she was Hannah England and everything she did was excessive or not at all.

She knew that. Amanda knew that. But instead of fixing it there, instead of talking like they should have, they turned on their heels and stormed off in opposite directions once more, just like they always did.

* * *

Hannah had treated Diana poorly and she knew it.

Diana had made the attempt to talk to her, had made the attempt to apologize and make things right, and yet Hannah had decided to still hold her grudge and potentially make things worse just because she was still upset. It wasn't right and she knew it, she knew that she had made a mistake and betrayed one of her best friends in a terrible way, and yet she couldn't even begin to fathom how to make things right again.

But she had to do it. She had to make an attempt, because Diana was her friend and, if she was being honest, the one who had the heaviest influence on her of all, and she did not want that relationship to fall apart. It was up to her to pick up the pieces, because she was the one who had dropped the ball and failed to support her in the first place.

It was cold. The wind bit into her cheeks. Beneath her, Cello quickened his pace at the sight of the barn. He wanted to get back to eat and she knew it, but she also still wanted to work up the nerve to speak to her friend. Barbara wasn't around. It was a good time to talk. Well, as good a time as any.

"Diana?"

Diana looked up from where she had been buried in her scarf to try to shield herself from the wind.

Hannah cleared her throat, ignoring the tickle of her hair against her face as she met her friend's gaze. "I'd like to apologize." That seemed like a good start.

Diana simply stared at her for a few moments before saying, "You have nothing to apologize for."

"I do." She grabbed onto Cello's mane and twirled it around her fingers, something that she liked to do when she was thoughtful or nervous. "I've been a terrible friend. About Akko, the Avery thing. Everything, really."

"I'm the one who mistreated you," Diana said. Her voice was low, muffled by the wind and her scarf and the space between them. "I've been dreadful lately."

Okay, sassy Hannah would have immediately jumped on that one and made a snarky comment, but instead she just said, "I won't argue that," before realizing she should add more. "But I should have been more supportive. I knew you were vulnerable after Chloe and-" She thought of how upset Diana had been, the crying and the misery and the way she fell apart in both Hannah and Barbara's arms. "After Amanda, I hardly have any space to judge. Akko makes you happy and I'm glad it all worked out. Even if I had to, uh, see that firsthand last night."

Her face heated with the memory of seeing her roommate and—girlfriend? She didn't know anymore—in a very precarious position and she tried to force it out of her mind.

"I appreciate the sentiment," Diana said. She sounded composed, as usual. "Though I still hardly think you have anything to apologize for."

She did, though. She had so much to apologize for. Diana might, too, sure, but Hannah was no less guilty of what had happened between them.

Cello let out a rumbling snort and Hannah affectionately scratched at his withers. She wanted to talk to Diana about Amanda, about her own problems. She spoke about Amanda to Barbara, sure, but it was different talking to somebody who had no experience with her sexuality and really only knew the ins and outs of the opposite sex. And, sure, she'd never talked to Diana about it before, mostly because she was intimidated by Diana's air of superiority, but she knew now that her friend had more in common with her than she ever could have imagined and she wanted to embrace that.

"I didn't argue with Amanda about my family," she said, just as a huge gust of wind whistled through the trees around them.

"Pardon?"

"We argued about you," Hannah stated, raising her voice so Diana could hear her over the wind and the rustle of branches. "I heard some of what she said to you the other day. At the Chariot fountain. It upset me."

Diana smiled sadly. "She was right. Everything she said, I already knew myself."

And that's where Diana was wrong. She didn't need to think that. Diana was a catch—Hannah would be lying if she said she never had a small crush on the other girl—and she truly deserved to have somebody who loved her. She was kind, intelligent, and, okay, maybe a little socially stunted, but that could all be fixed. Especially with somebody like Akko.

"Yeah, but it was out of line," she said. "That thing about you not deserving Akko. That's not true at all. You do deserve Akko." The muscles of Cello's neck flexed beneath her fingers as she mindlessly scratched. She turned to give Diana what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "I like you two together. That's why I was so uspet when you did what you did."

Diana's lips formed a line and she turned straight ahead, righting herself in her saddle and readjusting her feet in the stirrups.

"You deserve what makes you happy. Which is Akko," she repeated. She brought Cello to a halt, out of earshot from the rest of the riders as they grew closer to the stable, and turned to face her friend. "You deserve to  _be_  happy."  _Especially after everything,_  she wanted to add. She didn't. Akko shouldn't be compared to Diana's past because she wasn't. She was new and  _right_  and Hannah and everybody else could see it.

"That's not one-sided," Diana had said after a moment. "You deserve to be happy, too."

Hannah clenched her jaw, turning back in the saddle to eye the shadowed figures of the Games Team as they cooled out in their own arena. She spotted Amanda among them, saw her swivel in their direction for a moment before straightening back out and settling Star into a calmer walk. Akko waved from where she was hanging off the fence. Hannah knew it was mostly for Diana, but she raised a hand anyway.

"Go fix it," Diana stated. "I believe we've both learned what not talking about things earns us."

She was right.

How had Diana figured it out before her? Diana Cavendish, who had known little about communication and how to actually  _speak_ to people in a way that resonated in an actual social situation. It was one thing Hannah had always prided herself on—how to read a room, how to adjust to body language and changes in voice and tone, it was one of the reasons she chose to be a Psychology major—and here was a girl who had grown up without family, with friends who had abandoned her over time.

It was Diana who had made her realize her mistake with Amanda. It was Diana who had shown her what true happiness looked like, Diana who had shown her that it was possible to own up to your own failures and make them better. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, Diana had once again guided her in a way that she had never expected.

And so she nodded. Grinned. "Yeah, you're right," she said. And then, just to be sassy, added, "For once."

Amanda was leaving the gate with the rest of the team when Hannah and Cello strode up. Though her chestnut gelding was known for his patience, it was wearing thin. He stretched one leg out and pawed at the ground, tugging at the reins in the direction of the stable where his supper waited. "Easy, Cello," Hannah murmured, patting her gelding's neck. "Soon."

The usually hyped up Star had calmed down considerably and was quiet beneath Amanda as they rounded the side of the arena. Amanda's gaze met Hannah's and she reined him in, smiling nervously in the way she did when she wasn't quite sure how to react. It was always Amanda's go-to to laugh or smile in situations that she thought were awkward or uncomfortable.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," Hannah replied. She nodded at her girlfriend from atop her much taller horse. "Nice to look down on you for once," she added, mostly because she knew that a little bit of humor would put Amanda more at ease.

It did. The other girl smirked, swinging her leg over her pony and plopping onto the ground with a thud as she straightened up, cleared her throat, and said, "Then get off that horse and we'll make things right again."

Make things right again. Yes, that was exactly what she was going to do. She dropped her stirrups and slid from Cello's back, sliding the reins over his head and pulling him around so that she was walking side-by-side with Amanda. "I'm sorry about what I said the other day," she started. "It was out of line and I shouldn't compare anybody else with us."

"Eh." Amanda shrugged, throwing one arm around Star's neck and pulling him in to muss his forelock. He jerked his head away from the harassment and snorted. "It was a pretty good comparison. Besides, you were right. It was fucked up for me to say that. I've gotta say sorry." She frowned and looked off to where Akko and Diana were chatting a ways off. Diana had a huge grin on her face and it made Hannah smile.

"Yeah, you should," she said. "But you can do that later." She pressed forward and kissed Amanda on her cheek. It was cold and flushed but still warm at the same time because it was Amanda.

"I—yeah, later." Amanda chuckled and unbuckled her helmet, glancing down with a sheepish smirk. She glanced over at their two friends again. "And Akko and Diana? Are they doing alright? Last night was, uh..." She paused and scratched at her temple. "A little questionable."

Hannah's gaze followed Amanda's as she reached forward, taking the other girl's hand in her own and squeezing, wanting to feel her close despite the layers of cloth that separated them. "They're taking care of it," she said, unable to stop the hint of a smile that flashed across her cold, wind-bitten lips. "Let's go do the same thing."


	47. She Keeps Me Safe

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

"Hey, shorty. I brought a peace offering."

Akko blinked up from the textbook she was zoning out over, swiping away the little bit of drool that had formed at the corner of her mouth from trying not to fall asleep. She'd spent nearly her  _entire_  Saturday studying for finals the next week and her brain had thoroughly reached its limit long ago, yet she forged on like the dutiful girl who had promised the girl she liked (loved?) she would. Diana had been studying all day, too—not that she needed to, she was so smart and aced all her courses easily—and the lack of conversation helped her stay on course. Even if she  _did_  long for some sort of distraction that wasn't watching students slip on the patch of ice she could see from outside her window. That had gotten old after a couple of hours.

But now Amanda was standing in the threshold of her bedroom with a six pack of Harp and a broad, hopeful grin, and she was flooded with the relief at the prospect of  _finally_ doing something else.

"How'd you get in?" Akko asked. As far as she knew, Amanda didn't have a keycard to the dorms and she hadn't heard a knock or anything.

"Ninja." Amanda shrugged, her lopsided grin widening as she set the beer down on the edge of Akko's desk and pulled two bottles out. "Only kidding. You didn't answer your phone and Lotte said she wasn't here, so Sucy let me in. Any reason she's walking around with a succulent in her hand?"

She'd thrown her phone on her bed—easiest way to keep from messaging Diana or staring at the  _very_  nice picture the other girl had sent her the previous night—and hadn't checked it in a while. Her lip cricked into a smile at the mention of Sucy and that stupid cactus. "Yeah, they're bonding," she replied, barely able to suppress a giggle as she took the offered beer and clinked their bottles together. "She said it's important to have a positive relationship because it stimulates healthy growth or… something." She waved a hand dismissively and took a sip of her beer.

Amanda snorted and threw herself down on Akko's unmade bed, swigging her own beer and watching as Akko twisted her desk chair back and forth. "Got it. She's a special one."

"Something like that," Akko muttered. "What's up? Why'd you come over?"

"Ah, yeah." Amanda ruffled her short red hair and scratched the back of her neck, looking away as she smiled sheepishly. "I'm not real good at this, but I kind of wanted to say sorry. For… you know, the other night, and the whole Diana thing."

Akko felt her eyebrows scrunch together and she tilted her head to the side, studying the flare of heat that surged into Amanda's freckled cheeks. "Diana thing?"

"I guess that apology is more for Cavendish."

"Alright. Well, uh, you don't have to apologize. It's cool." Akko offered a reassuring smile and leaned forward in her chair. She stared down at the bottle in her hand and twirled it against her thigh. "I don't hold grudges."

Amanda frowned. She tapped her fingers against her beer and met Akko's gaze with a roll of her shoulders. "Doesn't mean I wasn't a bitch and shouldn't say sorry. So, uh, sorry."

A muffled yelp came from outside and Akko turned to glance out the window, chuckling at a student who had slipped on the ice and was flopping around in a bush next to the path. "It's okay," she said after a moment. She turned back to Amanda. "How are things with Hannah?"

Amanda seemed to perk up immediately. A wistful smile slid across her lips as she let herself fall back on Akko's bed. "Better," she murmured, swirling her finger around the rim of the bottle. Akko  _very_ much hoped she wouldn't spill the beer on her sheets because she didn't feel like doing laundry in the least. "We talked last night. Well, more than talk, but… you know." The American raised up on her elbows and winked.

"Okay." Akko held her palm out and grimaced. "Glad things are good, but I do not need to hear about that."

"Your loss."

"Hardly," Akko mumbled. She pointed to where her phone lie on her bed. Amanda read the gesture and tossed it over, growing quiet as Akko nursed at her beer and checked her messages. A missed call and two texts from Amanda (" _Yo, come let me in,_ " and, " _You're gonna leave a girl in the cold? Wow, Gaygari_."). A text from Diana (" _Come spend the night?"_ )

"Ooh, that's the look of someone who's getting laid tonight," Amanda shot out at the smile that flickered across Akko's face. Akko rolled her eyes and typed back a quick response (obviously a yes) before letting her gaze travel back to the smirking girl on her bed.

"Shut up," Akko hissed, very aware of the blush cropping up in her cheeks. "What else did you come over for? Because it wasn't just to say sorry."

"Wow." Amanda gently placed her hand over her heart in feigned hurt. "Do I always have to have ulterior motives?" She straightened out, swigging her beer and swiping at the mouth with the back of her hand. "Yeah, I kinda wanted to talk about the line-up, actually."

"Oh." Akko shifted uncomfortably. "I kinda still haven't made it yet."

"I figured." Her eyes widened at the scowl Akko gave her. "I mean, not that I'm assuming—aw, hell, Akko, you know what I meant. Anyway." She pulled a folded and very neglected piece of paper out of the chest pocket of her flannel. "I swiped the potential games from Nelson's office earlier. Figured we could go over everything, eh, Captain?"

Akko glanced at her open textbook. She  _did_  need to keep studying if she was going to go over to Diana's, but she really didn't think she could concentrate anymore. But she also really didn't want to think about the line-up, really didn't want to think about picking out the roster for races in an international competition that she wouldn't be able to participate in.

But it wasn't her team's fault that she'd gotten hurt. They had been nothing but supportive, nothing but optimistic. They'd worked hard to get this far, too, and even though she wouldn't be able to ride, it was her duty as the Captain to set them up for success. She couldn't fail at that because of her own internalized disappointment.

She glanced down at her wrist. Reached out and closed her fingers around the front cover of the textbook, flexed hard around the thick material. Nothing hurt. Not the bone, not the muscle, not any of it. But she'd made a promise to Diana—and herself, really—to get doctor clearance before risking anything. Besides, she still had time. She had a week. Miracles happened if you believed, right?

Yeah, right.

She swallowed her pride and, with a defeated sigh, closed her textbook and nodded to Amanda. "Yeah, let's work on that."

* * *

Chariot seemed more athletic than ever and Akko wasn't sure whether to feel proud that her pony looked so great or disappointed that it wasn't at her own hands. After all, her friends had been riding her mare for her. But it wasn't like Akko wouldn't have been doing the same exact thing had she not been hurt. And, if she was being honest, she probably would have upped it a notch. She liked pushing Chariot to her limits just as her mare liked pushing Akko to hers.

"She's looking fantastic," Miss Callistis said as Wangari sat deep in the saddle around a tight rollback and Chariot leapt deftly over a vertical, her ears pricked forward and legs tucked carefully beneath her. Wangari was grinning—she always had a blast riding Chariot—as she stood tall in the stirrups and eased the mare back down to a canter and finally a trot. The chestnut pony was barely puffing as Wangari brought her over, one hand falling against a fuzzy neck in an appreciative pat.

"Feels good," Wangari said, a bright smile lighting her face as she kicked her legs out of the stirrups and relaxed in the saddle. Chariot stopped hard at the feeling of dangling legs and lifted her muzzle, snorting in Akko's direction as if to say, " _Did you see that, Mom?_ " and reaching one hoof forward in an impatient paw.

Akko nodded, smiling despite the turmoil in her gut that was her own insecurity, and stepped forward to scratch her pony's forehead beneath her frizzy forelock. "She really does look good," Akko admitted. Jumping had brought out different muscles that she hadn't seen on her mare since she first got her, since right after the pony stopped her jumping career to become a gamer. But now she was fit in more ways than just speed and agility. Her neck glistened with sinew that bulged and rippled into an arch, her hindquarters smoothed out over her haunches from propelling herself into the air. She needed to be clipped again, but Akko certainly didn't trust herself to take care of that. That was a job for Diana.

"You want to cool her out?" Miss Callistis asked, red eyes meeting Akko's from behind her thin lenses. "I'm sure Wangari wouldn't mind."

"Nope," Wangari said quickly, swinging her leg from over Chariot's barrel and already offering the reins to Akko as soon as she hit the ground. "Akko's mare, not mine."

"Wait, really?" Akko raised an eyebrow, glancing between Miss Callistis and Wangari. "I don't have clearance yet."

"It's just walking." Miss Callistis shrugged. Grinned. "Besides, I'm here. I won't let anything happen. Not that Chariot here would, either."

Akko frowned. "My helmet's all the way at the barn."

But Wangari was already taking hers off. "Good thing I have one right here, then," she said, shoving it forward with a reassuring smile. "Got a big noggin though mate, so sorry in advance."

Okay, well Akko certainly wasn't going to reject the opportunity twice. Diana couldn't say anything about it if she saw—not that she would, she was already back at the barn anyway—because she was being permitted by an instructor. One that would supervise. So, with a shrug, she popped the helmet on. Wangari was right, she did have a big head, and she felt like a child as it slid down too far on her forehead. But it was fine. She took her mare and swung into the saddle, settling comfortably against her back and feeling the sway of the reins in her fingers as Chariot chomped contentedly at her bit.

"Thanks for letting me ride her, Akko," Wangari called with a wave of her hand. "Just put the helmet on my bridle hook, mate."

Akko urged Chariot into a walk as Miss Callistis settled down on the mounting block. Her pony felt good beneath her. Her stride was short but energetic as she took the reins and moved freely forward. It was nice to be back on her mare, this time without having to sneak off to do it, and she sank merrily into the contentment of once more being in the saddle.

She eyed Miss Callistis as she walked. Watched the boot tap rhythmically against the side of the mounting block, the eyes that trained down at gloved hands as she fidgeted with her fingers. She knew that Miss Callistis was Chariot du Nord—they'd had that conversation and Akko had thoroughly gotten out her fangirling before settling into the familiarity of the woman being the approachable instructor that she was—but there were still questions that she had. They felt invasive to ask and she'd held off, but they were finally alone and for the life of her Akko could not keep her curiosity at bay.

So she blurted, "Can I ask you a question?"

Akko eased Chariot closer, let her fall into a wide arc of a circle around the older woman who looked up at her with curiosity.

"Of course, Akko."

Akko rolled the question around her mouth for a moment before just letting it out. "Why the change?"

Miss Callistis stared at her for a long time before asking, "What do you mean?"

"Well, like, you were Chariot du Nord. Then you went away and now you're here as Ursula Callistis. What gives?" It was confusing and made no sense. She was a world renowned Show Jumper and then she disappeared just like that. Akko puffed a breath of visible air in front of her and held the reins loosely in both hands. She practiced flexing her fingers with her bad hand just to see if it hurt. It was a little uncomfortable at times, but didn't really hurt.

"Oh." The instructor breathed the word as though it was a question she didn't expect. Why wouldn't she? Akko frowned and turned Chariot in a teardrop to switch directions.

"You just disappeared. There wasn't even any scandal or weird stuff," Akko added. "So why?"

Miss Callistis glanced over her shoulder, as though she would find somebody standing there, before finally speaking. "I had a stalker," she said plainly, swallowing hard and nodding her head when Akko shot her a wide-eyed stare. "My agent made an agreement with the different organizations and the media to stop talking about me altogether." She stood, shoving her hands awkwardly into her coat pockets and kicking at the sand.

"A stalker?" Akko was twisted in the saddle as she stared at her instructor. "Like a real life one?"

Miss Callistis crooked one eyebrow. "Certainly not a fantasy one," she said, her lips twitching into a small smile. "Though I certainly wish he had been. It was rather scary. He was everywhere. Competitions, sponsored meet and greets, dinners and banquets. Found out where I lived and started trying to visit." She shrugged. "Got to the point where I didn't feel safe anymore."

"So you came here?" Akko asked. She didn't know what she had been expecting when she asked these questions but certainly not something of this magnitude. "And changed your name?"

Miss Callistis nodded, her blue braid swaying against the front of her coat. "I did. Headmistress Holbrooke offered me a position as arranged by my agent. Croix—er, Miss Meridies—had been my best friend for years and I felt safe here so I moved in with her and let myself fall off the grid."

Akko huffed, letting a small quiet fall between them before asking, "But don't you miss jumping? Competing?"

"Of course I do." The instructor smiled sadly, her eyes training over Chariot as she walked. "But I respect my own safety and happiness far more than living every day in fear. Besides, I accomplished everything I set out to do. There's nothing more I can ask."

"What about Shiny Rod?" Akko asked quickly, biting the inside of her lip nervously as she watched Miss Callistis's reaction. "What happened to him? Is he okay?"

Miss Callistis chuckled, a smile bursting across her face. "He's fine, Akko. I retired him to my parents' farm in France. I visit now and then."

"Good." Akko let out a long sigh of relief as she stepped over with her pony, leaning forward to wrap her arms firmly around her fuzzy mare's neck. She smelled like horse dirt and it was nice and so Akko breathed deep and smiled into her mane. "Why Ursula Callistis?"

The older woman stepped to the pair, held the reins out of habit as Akko slid off and began running the stirrups up. "Ursula's my first name, actually. I've just never gone by it." She patted Chariot's neck as the mare puffed her nostrils curiously at the pocket of her coat, searching desperately for peppermints. "Callistis is my mother's maiden name."

Akko hummed. Made sense. She loosened the girth and pulled the reins from over Chariot's head. Her pony immediately began nudging her in the side as a plea for her post-ride scratches. Akko complied, ignoring the displeased stare of the instructor. "Sorry I asked all that," Akko said, steadying herself as Chariot rubbed her forehead up and down her side. "I know it was kinda personal."

"Don't worry about it." Miss Callistis gave her a reassuring smile and placed a hand gently on her shoulder. "It was actually nice to tell somebody. But, if you don't mind, I prefer this stay between us. Most students here know who I was, but... not the circumstances surrounding it."

"Right." Akko nodded. "Of course. I wouldn't tell anybody," she said, knowing perfectly well she was going to tell Diana later on that evening.

"That includes Miss Cavendish."

"Aw, c'mon," Akko begged, eyes widening as she met her instructor's intent gaze. "She doesn't count as anybody, though. It's Diana! She would never tell."

" _Akko_."

Miss Callistis's scold left no room for argument. Akko sighed in resignation as she followed the instructor from the arena, loosely holding the reins even though Chariot didn't need any guidance.

"Fine," Akko agreed. "But can I ask one more thing?"

Miss Callistis held the gate for Akko and Chariot as they walked out. She nodded. "Go ahead."

"Your stalker," Akko said slowly, watching her instructor's smile fade as she spoke. "Have you ever seen him again?"

Chariot's hooves echoed through the darkness, rang a sad melody through the emptiness that was the oncoming night. Nearly everybody else was finished riding and only the Dressage team carried on, Avery's mare flowing across the diagonal in a lengthened trot. Miss Callistis walked in silence for a while and, after a moment, Akko was convinced she wasn't even going to answer.

Finally, she spoke. Her voice was softer, laced with a tremble of fear that she was clearly trying to hide. "I have," she admitted. She hesitated before adding, "He lives nearby. I've seen him walking his terrier downtown at night. He must have found me and followed. He hasn't... shown up where I live, yet, though. Or here."

Akko felt herself pale. She swallowed hard, closing her fist a little tighter around Chariot's reins. A snort rumbled from the mare's nostrils as she dipped her head and licked at her lips. Dinner was on the horizon and she was ready to eat.

"But don't worry," Miss Callistis said, though the nervous energy between them was palpable. "I have an order of protection. And, besides, I live with Croix." She smiled at Akko, though her lips were tense and it didn't quite reach the dulled crimson of her eyes.

It seemed colder than it had been before and Akko ducked into her coat. She could hear her breath in her ear, a distant thunder resonating throughout the inside of her skull, and though she was half buried in both her scarf and her own mind, she could still hear the gentle words that left Miss Callistis's lips.

A whisper, quiet and thoughtful, that said, "She keeps me safe."

* * *

 

She had only seen Diana in passing the entire day. Once between classes—Akko had tried to get a kiss out of the brief meet but they were in a very busy public walkway and Diana snuffed her real hard with a, "Not appropriate, Akko!"—and again at the barn when she'd headed out with Wangari and Diana had waved from the Hunter arena.

Akko was starved for attention. Especially after the quite, uh, heated conversation they'd had the previous evening over text messages. It had taken everything inside her not to climb out of her bed in her pajamas and race across campus to Diana's rowhouse, but Diana had predicted this behavior and told Akko she was not allowed to do that. Frostbite or something being the reason, she didn't really know, though Diana had gotten her so hot that she highly doubted she would have even  _felt_  the cold. But, besides that, agreeing not to run over earned her a promise from Diana that she would make it up to her.

It was late by the time Akko finished grooming Chariot and got her settled into her stall with her blanket and dinner and returned Wangari's helmet. The Games team had already left—they'd only hacked that day—and only the Dressage team were occupying the wash stalls, having filtered in not long after Akko.

She pulled off her glove, flexing her numb fingers in the cold air, and plucked up her phone from where she'd set it on her tack trunk.

 

> _Diana 8:21_
> 
> _With Bea. I'll wait._

Though Akko couldn't help but see the messages from the previous night and she  _certainly_ couldn't help the fire that erupted in her lower abdomen when she scrolled up.

 

> _Diana 10:37_
> 
> _I just came so hard for you._
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 10:37_
> 
> _I wish I could feel it_
> 
> _U sure I cant just come over?_
> 
> _pls_
> 
> _:3_
> 
>  
> 
> _Diana 10:38_
> 
> _Don't be silly. Besides, you've worn me out._
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 10:38_
> 
> _I could wear you out more._
> 
>  
> 
> _Diana 10:39_
> 
> _Not tonight. I'll let you have me soon._

Soon.

Akko licked her lips and shoved her phone into the back pocket of her jeans. They'd only been able to text—Amanda had been over or something and Diana had asserted that she did not want, " _That crass American to hear anything._ "—but it had been so hot that Akko had been squirming all day thinking about it. And thinking about it  _again_  did her no favors. By the time she'd reached Beatrix's stall and found Diana inside, standing with her palm resting on the tall mare's shoulder while she ate, Akko was thoroughly worked up.

She looked so good standing there in her tight breeches, in the polished black boots that rose nearly to her knees. Her hair was in a messy, wild ponytail and it fell over her back, the front of her shoulder, and Akko wanted to run her hands through it. The other girl looked up when she heard the latch, a bright smile lighting her pale face. Blue eyes flickered against the orange light of the barn.

All factors combined, Akko couldn't stop herself when she shut the stall door behind her and moved forward on impulse.

"Akko," Diana greeted with a neutral nod, though her voice wavered in uncertainty when Akko crashed into her. Diana's lips were cold and dry but Akko warmed and wet them with her own as she pushed, delighting in the surprised grunts that tickled against her mouth as Diana stepped backwards. There was nobody around in this particular barn, no one that Akko had seen on the way there, anyway, and so it was just the two of them and the large bay mare who munched contentedly on her grain, oblivious to the hungry kissing that was taking place at her side.

"Akko," Diana said again, though this time her name was a breath, a beckon. Akko pushed her backwards, let the taller girl's back hit the polished mahogany wall, and pressed her thigh eagerly between the other girl's legs. She could feel Diana tilt her hips forward to meet her, could feel the gasping sigh into her mouth.

The idea of doing this here—doing this now—made Akko's blood boil with desire. She let her lips trail from Diana's mouth to her jaw, her neck, nibbled at the fair skin she found there, sucked at her pulse point but gently so as not to leave a mark. Diana was melting underneath her, struggling to keep her breathing low and quiet as she gripped the back of Akko's coat and pulled her in.

"Wanted you," Akko panted, grabbing Diana's hips and rocking her harder against her own thigh, "all day."

Diana let out a soft whine, her tongue darting over her bottom lip as she closed her eyes and tilted her head back against the wall. "Me too," she hissed, rolling her hips forward.

Akko didn't want to waste any time. They were in public, the barn no less, and there was always the possibility, though slim this time of night, of someone walking by. She dipped her hand beneath the thin, stretchy material of Diana's breeches and pushed down, ran a finger slowly through her.

"You're so wet already," she murmured into Diana's neck, reveling in the stifled moan her actions rewarded her with. Akko felt fingers clawing at her coat, finally finding purchase around her shoulders as Diana brought her closer. Hair tickled her face but she ignored it, she ignored it along with the cold around them that seemed so very distant, along with the methodic chewing of Beatrix.

Akko pulled back a little, if only to see the look on Diana's face, and wasn't disappointed at the way her lips parted and her eyes widened when she slid inside and thrust. Hands tightened against her shoulders, pinched at her coat, and hot, heavy breaths wavered over the side of her face as she found her rhythm and moved.

Diana was whimpering, whining, choking on moans that she struggled to hold behind her teeth. Akko was enjoying every second of it, every pulse around her fingers and the way Diana's hips moved to meet her hand until all of it suddenly… stopped.

Well, didn't stop  _completely_. Diana was still breathing heavily, panting with each curl of Akko's fingers, though her hips had stopped moving and when Akko looked up she saw that Diana was staring, wide-eyed, over her shoulder.

At first she had thought somebody saw them. That somebody walked in or maybe, even worse, she'd  _hurt_  Diana, and so she let her hand fall still and tried to steady her own breathing as she stared at the very conflicted expression that had taken over the pleasure that had previously been written across Diana's face. She felt herself flushing, the primal tingles of fear mounting in her stomach and twitching beneath her skin as the worst possibilities of what had happened ran through her mind.

She turned and looked over her shoulder, worried about what she might find there as she followed Diana's gaze. Worried she might find Miss Callistis, or worse, Miss Meridies, or maybe another student or—

There was nothing.

Everything was silent save for her and Diana, save for the wheezing gasps that each were trying desperately to regulate. Well, and Beatrix, who turned to look at them as she chewed her food. Pellets dropped out of her mouth as her ears swiveled forward and she snorted.

"We can't do this," Diana hissed, seizing Akko's wrist for emphasis and slowly pulling her out. "Not here."

Akko blinked, though she complied, awkwardly swiping her fingers across her jeans and straightening up, sidling free of Diana's still firm grasp. "What's wrong?" she asked, watching as Diana righted herself and let out a long breath as she fixed her breeches. "It was hot."

"Beatrix," Diana said, her voice a firm statement, like a book falling from a library table into the silence of studying.

"Huh?"

Akko turned to look at the mare again. She'd gone back to her food bucket and was hungrily licking at the last bits of grain at the bottom.

Diana was pulling her hair out of her ponytail and fixing it, running her fingers through the messy tangles as she cleared her throat. "It's inappropriate."

"Oh, yeah." Akko chuckled nervously, scratching at the nape of her neck as she stepped back and eyed Diana and her mare. "I guess it's kind of rude to do it in front of her while she's eating" she mused. "She's probably like, 'Aw, not in front of my hay!' right?" She grinned sheepishly in a way that she hoped would make Diana smile.

She didn't.

"Akko, don't be  _daft_ ," Diana snapped. Her cheeks flared a bright red as her eyes strayed to the ground. "She—she reminds me of my mother. I—I can't."

"Oh," Akko said. She pursed her lips and cringed, rubbing her fingers awkwardly together before shoving them into her pocket. She didn't know what else to say, so she just added another, more understanding, " _Oh_."

"Come on, Akko," Diana stated. She patted the mare gently on the neck and whispered a quiet, "I'm so sorry," before slipping from the stall.

"I'm sorry, too," Akko added, patting Beatrix and ignoring a look from those big brown eyes that were far too knowing for her comfort. "I promise to never try to have sex with her in front of you or your hay again. Unless she wants to. Then maybe."

" _Akko_."

"Right! Never again. Forget you saw anything," she said quickly, though she hardly got the words out of her mouth before Diana was seizing the sleeve of her coat and pulling. "Whoa, I'm coming, I'm coming."

"Save that for later," came Diana's quick reply. Soft lips met Akko's once more when they were out of the stall, desperate and needy before Diana turned and began striding quickly off down the aisle. "And hurry up, we're going somewhere more appropriate."

"Your place?" Akko chirped as she trotted after the long, hurrying strides of the blonde. "Or mine?"

"Anywhere," Diana groaned, bringing a hand up to bury her face in as she walked. "Anywhere that isn't in front of my mare."

* * *

It was unusual for her parents to call. Usually she was the one that called them, though that wasn't so often because the time zones really weren't compatible with her schedule. Letters were more Okaasan's style than anything else. And so when her phone rang and Akko saw who it was, she was both surprised and anxious. After all, what if something bad had happened? To Okaasan or Otousan or any of her friends back home?

She dropped her pen onto her notebook, immediately forgetting the last five minutes of material she'd studied, and picked up the phone.

"Atsuko," Otousan's deep voice greeted. He sounded excited, happy. Okay, so something bad happening was out the window. Thank goodness. Akko let her body sigh into her desk chair in relief.

"Hello, Otousan," Akko replied, obviously in Japanese, though this story is not written in Japanese and neither does the author speak it, and so we will just use our imaginations for this next sequence of events else we hack up a perfectly beautiful language. "How are you?"

"Well."

Akko could hear Okaasan's voice in the background. The shout of a gleeful hello, another garbled sentiment that was lost in the crackle of her father's outdated cell phone.

"We booked plane tickets to Glasgow to watch you in Internationals," he said, unable to hide the excitement in his voice as he rushed his words out. "As soon as we saw the location we booked reservations. We'll be there to watch you compete this year."

Oh.

Kuso.

Akko flushed hard, glancing down at her braced wrist as she choked her next few words out. "That's great, Otousan. I can't wait to see you both."

"Okaasan is very excited," he added. "We'll be flying in Friday evening and so we'll see you as soon as we can. Do well on your exams. We can't wait to see you."

"Right," Akko managed to get out. "I'm excited to see both of you, too."

The line went dead and Akko squeezed her phone tight in her hand, staring at the  _Call Ended_ screen as nervous energy surged through her head. It wasn't as though she didn't want to see her parents. She did, she loved them dearly, and she'd be lying if she tried to say she didn't miss them while she was away at school.

But there was one major issue.

She had never told them that she broke her wrist. Okaasan panicked about that kind of thing and she really just didn't want to have to deal with it. Besides, they weren't able to make her previous international competition—Otousan worked away often and it was difficult for him to get the time off to travel—and so she had assumed they wouldn't be able to make this one, either.

And so her parents were coming to watch her ride.

Except Akko  _wasn't_  riding.

Kuso, kuso,  _kuso_.

She quickly stood, rushed to the door of her bedroom. Flung it open and burst into the living area where Lotte was watching Sucy play Overwatch.

"Lotte!" she wailed, collapsing onto the couch and letting her head hit the smaller girl's thigh with a groan. "I have a major problem!"


	48. The Pale Horse

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

"Hey, Diana, what do you think of this one?"

Diana turned from where she was standing and staring at a rack of dresses that she had no intentions of even trying on, much less  _considering,_ to find Barbara holding up a sleeveless red dress with a hopeful grin plastered to her face. She knew that her friends were very much sick of her indecisiveness, but if there was one thing she disliked, it was shopping for a specific occasion.

Which, in this case, was the end of year Collegiate Hunter/Jumper Association gala. Hosted by Luna Nova. Which meant that not only was Diana expected to present herself to the standards of a Cavendish, she was  _also_ expected to carry the weight of the High Point recipient and the Captain of the Luna Nova Hunt Team. She needed something that wasn't over the top. Something that wasn't revealing (and certainly not to the degree of the dresses Hannah was trying on). Something that was high-end and fashionable, but subtle and tasteful to a point where she didn't bring too much attention to herself.

Hannah and Barbara were trying desperately to get her to just  _choose_  something, but it wasn't that easy.

"Red is certainly not my color," Diana said, waving her hand dismissively at the dress Barbara was showing her. And it wasn't—she looked much better in cooler shades—but her friends were grasping at straws. They were at the third shop of the evening and everyone was very hungry and very over it. Barbara most of all, because she had managed to choose something to wear in the first shop.

Barbara was already selecting another dress—one that Diana had already opened her mouth to say, "No," to—when the dressing room door burst open and Hannah flew out in a flourish.

"I love this one," she exclaimed, a bright smile flittering across her face as she held the side of the dress out and bounced on her toes. "I know I already got one, but I think I like this more! What do you think?"

She was wearing an emerald green dress that reached mid-calf and hugged her body perfectly. A lighter green sash was tied around her hips and fell down her side. She pinched the fabric between her fingers, grinning as she turned each way for both Diana and Barbara to see.

And it did look  _very_  nice on her, except when Diana's eyes trailed up she was met with a drastically plunging neckline that reached almost all the way down Hannah's ribcage and showed off a healthy amount of chest. The back, too, reached nearly all the way down her spine.

"Hell, Han, how do you make everything look so good?" Barbara exclaimed, brushing her bangs out of her eyes as she pushed the dress for Diana back to the rack, forgotten in favor of the auburn-haired beauty that was standing before them. "I liked the other, but you look  _incredible_ in that!"

Diana frowned, pinching her chin as she stared thoughtfully at her friend. "It's a bit inappropriate, don't you think?"

"Don't be such a prude," Hannah said, dropping the sash and turning to admire herself in the full-length mirror instead. "It's not like I'm showing anything."

"Debatable," Diana countered. She folded her arms across her chest and huffed. "I'd prefer you not represent Luna Nova wearing that. Though—" She huffed, looking away in defeat and tensing her jaw. "I will admit that you do wear that very well. It may be a bit too suggestive, but it does look nice."

Hannah chuckled. "Nothing like a backhanded compliment from Diana," she muttered to Barbara. "I'm still getting it. I'll just wear it on a date with Amanda or something." She started to step back into the dressing room before leveling Diana with a curious gaze. "Have you still not chosen anything?"

"No, she hasn't," Barbara groaned, turning back to the rack to begin sifting through once more. "She is being so dreadfully picky that I don't think we're ever going to eat."

Hannah shot a glare at Diana, who rolled her eyes and looked away once more. "Here," Hannah said, reaching behind her to snag a dress from inside the dressing room, which she shoved toward the blonde. "This looked like shite on me. Better suited to somebody with no hips, try it on."

Diana eyed the dress that was being held out to her. Navy blue, a little shorter than she preferred. A little bit of lace around the midsection. A shallow v-cut neck. Definitely something she wouldn't have picked for herself. But it was easy enough to put it on, show them that it didn't look good on her, and then dismiss it altogether. Better to placate than to resist at this point because she  _knew_ she was being an absolute pain.

"Fine," she agreed, ignoring the slight. She took the dress and slid past Hannah into the fitting room, ignoring the finger guns that Barbara sent in Hannah's direction. Diana had to admit that she was hungry as well and really didn't want to be doing this any longer. Finals were on the horizon and she very much needed to study, plus she really wanted to speak with Akko since they wouldn't have much time in the upcoming week.

Diana shed her clothes and slid into the dress, feeling the relatively soft material ease over her skin as she shifted beneath it and stared into the mirror. The creased A-line fell to just above her knees and her legs looked so pale against the darker fabric, the waist was loose enough to offer movement but still fit well. And the neck, thank goodness, didn't show off anything but collarbone and a little bit of sternum. It wasn't that  _bad,_ but, well, she was used to… a much more modest style.

Whatever, she would appease Hannah and Barbara by showing them she tried. Then maybe she could recycle a dress from some other occasion instead of wasting time trying to find something else. After all, she already owned plenty of clothing, there was certainly something that she could come up with in time for the gala. She threw the fitting room door open and—

" _Damn,_ Diana!" Hannah mewled, making a show of fanning herself as she took a step back—still in that lewd dress—and panned her eyes over Diana's body. "I couldn't pull that off, but you look hot as hell in that! My tits were way too big."

" _Hannah_ ," Diana hissed, eyes widening. "Can you be a bit more appropriate in public?" She smoothed her hands over the lace that ran around her abdomen and the thin material against her hips. "Nobody needs to hear about your… specific… body parts."

"It does look really nice on you," Barbara agreed, nodding from where she stood beside Hannah. "It would be a good choice for the award ceremony."

"You don't think it's a bit short?" Diana asked. She glanced down at the dress, looking to where it fell just above her knees. "I'm rather pale. Plus, I'd think longer would be more appropriate for—"

The sound of a camera clicking made her head snap up to find Hannah standing, grinning, with her mobile held out.

"Pardon me, but what are you doing?" she spat, glancing around at other patrons of the shop as she forced her voice into a hushed whisper. "Why are you taking a photo of me?"

Hannah smirked, lowering her mobile as she pounded out a message. "Consulting the expert."

"And who, pray tell, is the  _expert_?"

Barbara peeked over Hannah's shoulder and stared, a lopsided smile spreading across her face followed by a squealing chuckle when the other girl's mobile vibrated.

Diana watched as Hannah's hand flew over her mouth while she laughed, her mobile still vibrating in her hand. She shot forward, determined to see what was so very  _entertaining_ about her in a dress, when Hannah turned the screen to present it to her. Her cheeks burned as she read the exchange.

> _Hannah 18:33_
> 
> _Do you think Diana should get this?_

 

> _Akko K 18:34_
> 
> _SJDlakrlntN34F_
> 
> _AJRNBJH_
> 
> _KDRLTJWM5K6_
> 
> _YES_
> 
> _YES_
> 
> _YEEEEESSSSS_
> 
> _(/////)_
> 
> _PLS_
> 
> _DIANA pls_
> 
> _HGUFGFVGR_

"The expert hath spoken," Hannah said proudly, straightening up and letting the mobile drop back to her side. "And thus, this is the dress."

Diana pinched the bridge of her nose, blushing furiously as she squeezed her eyes shut. "That's—that's not fair, you can't just message Akko like that, it's completely uncouth and—and she can't even come anyway, so there's no point in—"

"Are you getting the dress, or not?" Hannah deadpanned, leveling hazel eyes on Diana and wearing that half-cocked arrogant smirk that she'd perfected. "I'm sure she wouldn't mind a  _private_ showing."

Diana huffed and turned away, struggling to force the heat out of her cheeks. "I—I'll settle for this. I believe we've looked long enough and—" She cringed, knowing exactly which snarky looks Hannah and Barbara were giving her behind her back. "I believe it's time we wrapped this up."

But as she stood in the fitting room and slipped out of the dress, her eyes found her mobile and she smirked. If Akko liked her in a dress, she would certainly like something else—

She held her mobile out and took a picture.

The camera clicked.

Bloody hell,  _she left her sound on._

Howling laughter erupted from outside the fitting room. Barbara's voice filtered through Hannah's wheezes. "Damn, Diana, don't you think we've blown Akko's mind enough tonight?"

" _Diana's taking nudes in public."_  Hannah cackled. "Our baby girl really is growing up, isn't she, Barb?"

Diana buried her burning face in her hand, cringing as she listened to the exchange going on outside of the fitting room as embarrassment washed over her. But she'd already taken the picture and the girls had already heard and already knew so she might as well send it.

Which was fine, really, because Akko's reaction was worth it.

> _Diana 18:43_
> 
> _201812180342.jpg_
> 
> _Since you liked the other so much._

 

> _Akko 18:43_
> 
> _TGHIOERGTQW4_
> 
> _RTKJMGFKERG_
> 
> _ARE_
> 
> _YOU_
> 
> _IRJMTKQR5_
> 
> _TRYING TO KILL ME_
> 
> _HELP_
> 
> _Awierj[wirj3_
> 
> _Babe_
> 
> _Come over_
> 
> _BABE_
> 
> _Baaaaaaaaaabe_
> 
> _JH3KLJHRJWKFNH I scrolled up_
> 
> _dead bye_

* * *

"I can't believe you tried to have sex with me in front of my horse," Diana groaned for the umpteenth time that night. She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes as she sank down into her tousled bedsheets, rolling to face Akko with very flushed cheeks—and not just from embarrassment. She let her hands fall and laughed softly, leaning into the feeling of the other girl's fingertips brushing against her temple and winding through her hair. "You didn't stop to think that would be inappropriate?"

"Stop to think," Akko echoed, narrowing her eyes as she rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. She lay like that for a long pause before saying, "What is ' _stop and think_ '? I'm not familiar."

"Well, I suppose you're not wrong," Diana agreed. She slid an arm over Akko's waist and snuggled close, letting her head fall on Akko's shoulder to feel the rise and fall of her chest with each breath. Her skin was still a little damp with sweat but it was soft nonetheless and Diana ran her fingers over the crevices of her toned stomach. "You are very much not a thinker."

"Not true," Akko murmured. She tilted her head to plant a kiss on the wild mane that was Diana's hair. "I think about you all the time."

Diana hummed. She hoped Akko could feel the smile that spread against her shoulder. "Me, too," she said softly. "I mean, about you," she added, clearing her throat as she shifted against the warm body next to her. "I think about you all the time."

Akko chuckled. "You didn't need to clarify. I got it." She let out a heavy sigh, sending the ghost of tickling hair across Diana's temple. "I love you," she whispered, a warm breath of a sentiment that washed over Diana and made her squeeze her eyes shut while she absorbed the words that Akko spoke.

Every time it hit hard. Every time it made her skin tingle, made her blood burn, made her mind fog. After Chloe, she wasn't certain that she would ever hear somebody say them again and  _mean_  them. Not in the way Akko did. Every time Akko said it there was so much  _there_ , so much feeling behind it that even Akko's cheeks would flare with a blush. The last time she had heard those words with so much affection was her last day with her mother.

Her mother had been on hospice care for nearly a week. Most of that had been spent sleeping because the drugs that kept the pain at bay were so powerful that she was knocked out within moments and was only lucid some of the time. Aunt Daryl had done what she could to try to keep Diana calm because she knew what was happening, she knew she was losing her last remaining family member. Maril and Merrill would play with her, would bring her out to the stable and take her for long trail rides or gallops across the fields. But none of that took Diana's mind away from the knowledge that her mother was lying in their home—the only place Diana ever knew and only knew with her mother inside—and dying.

Loss was imminent, the pale horse that lingered on the horizon, and all bets were off as to when he would strike. Whenever Diana gazed at her mother, white and translucent in her final hours, her entire body withered into nothing more than the faint idea of who she once was, she saw him. She saw those wispy white tendrils that swayed around her mother's quiet face, the bones of hands that once held her own in strength and warmth but when she touched them now they were fragile, they were ice. She could see the ominous glow of pallid skin, could taste and smell the death that permeated the air as the pale horse grew closer, closer, closer.

But still her mother lived. A ghost of who she once was, a strong woman who sat tall and proud atop the finest Hanoverians that England had to offer, but still her mother nonetheless. And when she was awake, when she could make sense of the world around her and knew who Diana was, their hands and their eyes would meet and her mother would smile that slow, delicate smile that she got when she was reflecting, when she was wishing for a different end.

"I love you, Diana," she would say every time and give Diana's fingers the tiniest, weakest squeeze. And Diana would whisper it back through her tears, through her own sadness, and smile just because she knew her mother wanted—no, needed—to see just that. At that moment she would have done anything, given anything, to keep her mother just a little bit longer.

But the world was not that kind, and her mother's death came so sudden but so expected all at the same time. That pale horse strode in on heavy hooves formed from the death of the innocent and the destruction of families such as her own and took her, it took her mother away in a whirlwind of sorrow that left her reeling for years.

Diana never hated a single horse. Not the lame, not the crippled, not the old or unworthy. She loved them all.

But she hated the pale horse. She hated death.

"Diana, are you alright?" she heard Akko murmur. It made her look up, look into the crimson that gaze back at her with worried eyes.

"Did you know that only one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse has a name?" she heard herself ask as she eased up on an elbow, combing her fingers through Akko's tangled mess of brunette hair. Confusion met her, but she forged on. "The horseman of death is called Thanatos. The pale horse."

"I... didn't know that," Akko said, though she was certainly staring at Diana as though she had grown another head entirely. "I'm not sure what those are, but why?"

Diana cupped Akko's cheek. It was soft, warm against her palm. Fingers wrapped around her bicep and squeezed. "Because death is inevitable and happens to everyone, and thus it deserves a name."

Akko's eyebrows crinkled together as she stared up. Diana felt her fingernails scrape across her arm. "Uh, that's kind of deep. Is this pillow talk?" She chuckled nervously, her eyes darting from Diana's stare to the bedroom door as though looking for an escape. "Because I didn't realize it involved philosophy and... you know, dark stuff. I thought it was all about cuddling and being like, I like you, no I like you more, blah blah."

Diana felt the corner of her mouth crick into a smirk. She eased back down, letting her hand fall from Akko's hair to her chest, to the bones that formed ridges beneath blood-warmed flesh, to the heartbeat that she could feel throbbing against her touch. The variant melody of the living, of the breathing. Of Akko.

She opened her mouth to apologize for confusing her, for making things a little too heavy, but Akko was looking back at her again and those red eyes were so full of adoration that she closed her hand into a fist over her chest and instead kissed her cheek. "Can I talk to you about something?" she asked. She hadn't even talked to Chloe about her mother. It was something that she kept to herself, a part of her that she wasn't sure she wanted to share with anybody else-

"Sure?" Akko squeaked. She didn't sound sure, but then again Diana had started everything off with the concept of death.

-but she wanted to share everything with Akko.

"Can I talk about my mother?" she asked after a moment.

Akko let out a sigh that could have either been relief or the complete and utter lack of desire to listen to any such thing. But Diana assumed it was the former because after a moment Akko's arms closed around and pulled her in close and they settled comfortably against the pillows as Akko whispered, "Of course."

So Diana told Akko about her mother, about her childhood, about all the things she loved and remembered about the person who had the most influence on her life—and Akko listened. She said nothing except for quiet murmurs here and there just so that Diana knew she was still listening, that she was there, that she cared.

And when she got to when death rode in on that pale horse, that moment of her life when everything collapsed to pieces and tears fell from her eyes at the words she was saying out loud, Akko held her close and kissed her, wiped the tears from her cheeks, and told her she loved her once more and everything was alright-

Diana believed her.

Everything truly was alright.

* * *

Diana hadn't even realized she'd dozed off until there was a pounding against her door so loud that it startled her. Akko was wide awake, staring at her mobile and one-handing a game with a bunch of animated cats everywhere. The mobile fell from her hand and smacked against Diana's shoulder. She grunted and jolted upright.

"Sorry," Akko grumbled, plucking the device away and turning the screen off. "Whadyawant?" she called in a voice husky from disuse.

"Wasn't aware you were here, Akko," came Hannah's voice from the other side of the door. "Glad I knocked, bet you're both naked."

"We are," Akko replied and Diana growled a warning that Akko blatantly ignored. "Very naked, actually," she added with a mischievous smirk. Diana hid her face in Akko's shoulder and let the fire consume her.

"Well, can you get dressed?" Hannah asked. "I have something I want to show you!"

Diana pulled her face away from Akko and rolled over with a heavy sigh. "Is it important?"

"Very," Hannah said, giggling.

Diana could swear she could hear deeper laughter, too, and knew that it didn't belong to either Hannah or Barbara. She groaned and pushed herself away from Akko to begin throwing clothes on. Anything she found because anything would do, except Akko's shirt because it was too short for her torso and she ripped it off when she realized she'd tried to put it on and instead threw it at the girl still lying in her bed. Whatever Hannah was up to, it was no good, and she was pretty convinced a certain American had something to do with whatever was outside that door.

She eased open her door and peered curiously down the stairs. From where she stood she could hear soft giggles—Hannah's, Barbara's, Amanda's—and gentle, affectionate coos. Then, another noise. Higher pitched, mewling, like a—

"Kitten?!" Akko shrieked. She all but fell down the stairs in a rush of excitement.

"Pardon me?" Diana heard herself say in a much more stern voice than she meant. She trailed after the bubbling girl, scowling as she sidled into the living room to find her roommates playing on the floor with a small calico kitten. She chased after a string held by Barbara, stopping every now and then to peer at the other smiling faces staring down at her to mew.

"She's so cute!" Akko squealed. Diana watched her collapse to her knees alongside the other girls and reach out to snatch the kitten mid-pounce and hug it to her chest. The kitten squirmed in her arms, mewling and batting at her face with tiny paws. "Where'd you get her?"

"Some homeless dude was giving away kittens on the side of the street," Amanda said with a shrug. "Don't know where he got them, but she was the last one. Looked like she needed a home." She folded her arms behind her head and stretched, her back cracking audibly. "So we picked her up."

"This is a joke, right?" Diana asked. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared down at the four girls and the kitten, frowning. "You know very well I'm allergic to cats."

"What?" Akko's head swiveled and she stared at Diana as though she was a foreign object. "You're allergic to cats?"

"And dogs," Diana stated. She sat delicately on the couch, watching as the kitten finally squirmed free from Akko's grasp and leapt back down to the floor, where she waddled unsteadily before pouncing once more on the string.

"Well, cool your jets," Amanda muttered. She plucked the little calico up and kissed her on the head. "She's staying at my place. Her other mom will just have to visit more often, won't she?" The redhead smirked at Hannah and pressed a kiss to the other girl's blushing cheek.

"Gaaayy," Akko drawled. She climbed to her feet and stumbled over to Diana, collapsing onto the couch beside her. Diana couldn't resist snaking her arm around the other girl and pulling her close—she just wanted to be near her—and Akko settled comfortably against her side with a content sigh.

"Says you," Amanda scoffed. The kitten leapt out of her arms and began to explore her surroundings and all Diana could think about was how she would have to vacuum their oriental rug the next day. She was already starting to feel a prickle of discomfort in her nose. "The queen gay."

"Right." Akko nodded, her messy brunette hair tickling Diana's cheek. "That makes you my royal janitor."

"Court jester," Amanda corrected.

"What's her name?" Diana asked, desperate to stop the banter between the two that would no doubt continue if it wasn't interrupted.

Hannah looked over her shoulder, watching as the kitten frolicked over near the couch. She had found a small bit of fuzz on the rug and was playing with it. "We haven't named her yet," she said, rocking back and hugging her knees to her chest as she observed with a hint of a smile.

"Yeah. Taking suggestions," Amanda added.

Barbara fell forward on the rug to lay on her stomach as she reached out to pet the kitten, twirling the tiny, stiff tail around a finger. "Charity," she suggested.

"Stripper name," Amanda rejected with a dismissive wave of her hand. "No chance in hell."

"I was thinking Zelda," Hannah said.

Diana stared down at the kitten, who was getting very close to her bare foot. "Isn't that the green guy from that game?" she murmured thoughtfully. Akko stiffened at her side and sat up straight, burying her face in her hand in time with the groans that echoed through the room.

"I don't know you," Akko moaned, followed by a squeaky, "I don't know her," as she pointed at Diana and looked desperately to Amanda, who had fallen over backwards and was laughing on the floor.

Diana felt sharp claws digging into her calf and looked down to find the kitten climbing the leg of her sweatpants. She froze, watching as the tiny calico's mouth opened in a silent mew as she scaled the fabric straight into Diana's lap.

Her nose tingled. Her throat felt scratchy. The kitten stood in her thigh and stared up at her with wide blue eyes.

"Spike," Amanda said, earning a very quick, "Absolutely not!" from Hannah.

"Want me to take her off you?" Akko asked, peering at Diana with worried eyes. "I don't want you to feel bad."

The other girl reached forward but Diana stopped her, instead closing her hands around the soft belly and leaning back against the cushions to pull the kitten close. She pressed her face into the colorful fur, inhaling in a way that she knew she'd regret later, and giggled when the kitten raised a paw and pressed it to the corner of her mouth.

"I thought you were allergic," Akko said, falling down by her side and petting the prickled fur of the kitten's back.

"I am," Diana said, smiling as the kitten mewed in her face and swished its tiny tail. "Luckily, they make medicine for that. You can just deal with the sniffly mess later." There was a distinct smell to the kitten and she leaned in again, inhaling slowly as she bound from Diana's chest and into Akko's lap. "She smells like biscuits," Diana murmured thoughtfully, watching as the girl next to her fell into giggled as her hand was attacked. "Why does she smell like biscuits?"

"That's perfect!" Hannah exclaimed. She clambered to her feet and rushed over, snatching the kitten away from a grumbling Akko and throwing the tiny cat into the air to catch awkwardly. "That's so cute!"

Amanda simply stared up at her, one red eyebrow cocked in confusion. "What?"

"Biscuit!" Hannah said. She pulled the kitten to her chest, ignoring the desperate, squeaky pleas to be put down. "Let's name her Biscuit!"

"I like it," Akko agreed with a firm nod.

"Better than Spike," Barbara mused.

"Hey, Spike was a great name—"

"Biscuit it is," Hannah confirmed. A grin spread slowly across her face as she dropped the tiny calico to the floor. "Run and play, Biscuit."

The kitten flopped on the ground and lay still.

Diana swiped the back of her hand across her nose and sniffed. She felt Akko lean back in, felt a hand close against her thigh and squeeze.

"Can we get one?" Akko asked. Diana turned to find wide red eyes pleading back at her.

"Pardon me?"

"A cat." Akko's fingers tightened and she offered a hesitant smile. "Can we get a cat? It doesn't have to be a kitten, it could be an old, ugly one. Or we could get one of those bald ones so you're not so allergic."

"Those are not hypoallergenic," Diana mumbled. "The allergens are in the skin and saliva. Not the fur. But living with one over time does make the allergies a little easier to bear."

"So we can get a cat," Akko confirmed with a resolute nod.

Diana frowned. "Akko—"

"Oh. Right. I suppose that is moving a little too quickly." Akko scratched the back of her neck and chuckled sheepishly. "I guess I should ask you to be my girlfriend first at least, huh?" Her eyes widened with realization at what she just said and she rushed into rambling, "I mean I was totally going to ask you later and not in front of our friends and especially not while asking you if we could have a cat together because that's really a bit much but I  _would_ like to have a cat one day, you know? Because I had a cat once and she was wonderful and I really miss her and—"

"Jesus Christ, how do you deal with this?" Amanda groaned from across the room, but Diana didn't have time to snap back at her because she was too busy surging forward to take Akko's lips into her own. The other girl pressed back, her lips tight in a smile, and Diana could see from the corner of her eyes when they opened that the brunette was making a rude gesture with her hand, though she chose to ignore it.

"Yes," she said confidently when their lips fell apart. "Yes."

"We can get a cat?" Akko asked hopefully.

Diana shook her head, finding the other girl's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Yes to the girlfriend thing. The cat… eventually. One day." She offered a small smile, but while she watched a very unreadable expression spread over Akko's features, she suddenly felt quite small and unsure. "I mean, if you were really asking, of course."

"Yes," Akko squeaked. A bright red filtered into her cheeks. "I am."

"Then yes," Diana said again. She leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss against Akko's blush. "I'd very much like that."

Though their moment was quite ruined because, as it turned out, they were still sitting in front of their three friends, and Amanda stood with Biscuit squirming and mewing in her arms and howled,

"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry it's taking me so long between chapters right now. i've been very busy and just got news that i'm being deployed, so i've been kind of hopping around trying to sort that stuff out and it makes me anxious (and it's hard to write with anxiety!)
> 
> also i zoned out trying to edit this so if you notice anything feel free to let me know.


	49. Suppressio Veri

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

Akko leaned over the stall door, staring down at the slightly crinkled piece of paper that she clutched between her fingers. Chariot was nudging at the sleeve of her coat, her lips and tongue leaving trails of saliva as she begged for her umpteenth peppermint, which Akko fished obediently from her pocket and offered. The little mare stepped back and munched happily, her ears swiveling as she observed her very preoccupied owner.

 

_To Whom It May Concern:_

_It is of my professional opinion that Atsuko Kagari's wrist is healed to the point where she is able to resume equestrian activities as of 18/12 and is approved to ride in the Mounted Games International Competition on 22/12 and 23/12._

_Dr. Feng Wong, Ph.D_

_Exeter Family Medicine_

 

She had rushed to the barn following her last class of the day, beating the rest of her teammates and a majority of the other riders. Her nervous energy had carried her straight to Chariot's stall, where she stood, absent-mindedly fidgeting with the Velcro straps of the black brace on her wrist, and stared down at the piece of paper.

It had to work. Amanda assured her it would.

"Hello, love," came the soft voice of her girlfriend. Akko whirled to find Diana standing behind her, hands tucked comfortably into her navy coat. A tentative smile tugged at her lips. "How'd the appointment go?"

Akko forced a smile that she hoped did not look suspicious.

 

**FIVE HOURS EARLIER**

"There's no way," Dr. Wong told her as she turned Akko's hand in her own, her spectacled gaze trained on the pale skin of Akko's broken wrist. She glanced to the new bone scan on her computer screen. "The bone hasn't completely set. Any strain that you put on it at this point could cause a new break and, in the very best case, reset your progress."

Akko winced and unconsciously flinched away as the physician pressed a thumb experimentally to the side of her wrist. Dr. Wong frowned in response and shook her head sadly as she lowered the appendage back to the girl's lap.

"I know that you very much want to ride this weekend, but I'm afraid I can't clear you for that," the woman added. "If the competition was a week later, it would be a possibility, but at this stage it's much too early in the healing process to take that risk."

Akko took a sharp breath. Her skin felt hot and she could feel herself sweating as she gnawed at her bottom lip and studied the doctor's face. "There's got to be a way," she urged, trying to level the fear and uncertainty in her voice. "What if I just do the mounted races? No vaulting? That's only hand-offs and stuff." She was grasping at straws now and she knew it. There was an inherent risk involved with riding an animal that had its own mind and could overpower a rider at any point in time. If anything, the way she broke her wrist in the first place was clear evidence of that. "I'll hardly have to use this hand," she added, raising her arm in emphasis.

Dr. Wong pursed her lips and sighed. "I'm sorry, Akko. It wouldn't be safe. You could damage that wrist beyond repair if you attempt to ride at this point and it would be immoral for me to suggest you resume any activity that could put you at risk." She pointed to the computer screen, her index finger trailing over a bone that held a jagged black line. "Any amount of pressure on your radius at this point could cause a severe break. You were lucky in that your ulna wasn't seriously harmed the first time. I guarantee you wouldn't be that lucky the next time."

Akko rolled her wrist over and stared at it with clenched teeth. Why did she ever think that reaching out to stop a charging pony would be a good idea? Why would she allow her reflexes to take over? If she had just sat there, if she had just held her ground, her wrist would be intact and she would be excited to ride with the rest of the team. Her parents would come and watch her compete for the first time and she would be at her best and they would see that it was worth it to let her travel to England to attend Luna Nova, that it was worth it to get her Chariot, that it was worth it to let her start riding period.

"Alright," she murmured, tightening her hand into a fist and ignoring the discomfort that tingled in her wrist. "Fine."

"I'm going to schedule you in for two weeks from now." Dr. Wong rolled her chair over to the counter and plucked up Akko's chart, which she began to scrawl on in messy, entirely illegible (in Akko's opinion) handwriting. "At that point I'm sure I'll be able to clear you for light activities," she added, glancing up briefly to add a hopeful smile. "And we can get you back up on that pony of yours. How's that sound?"

 _Terrible_ , Akko wanted to say, but instead she only nodded.

 

**THREE HOURS EARLIER**

Amanda was frowning at her from across the table they'd claimed in the community center. She brought her coffee to her lips and took a long sip, green eyes flicking over Akko's face as she took in the bad news.

"Man, that sucks," she mumbled, shaking her head and setting her coffee down on the table. Her fingers ran over the plastic lid. "I was kind of hoping we'd have you for some of the races this weekend. No offense to the rest of the team, but we're kinda mediocre without you. We stand no chance against Appleton." She lowered her voice to a whisper and leaned in. "Sucy goes so fucking slow I think Star could walk backwards faster."

Akko forced a garbled chuckle and rubbed her brace against the edge of the table. She stared down at her untouched tea. "What's worse is my parents are going to be there," Akko muttered. She sank back into her chair and ran a hand through her hair, scattering her bangs across her forehead. "They're flying across the world to watch me ride and I won't even be riding."

"Well, they kinda knew that possibility when they bought the tickets," Amanda grunted. She raised her coffee to her lips, but paused at the very pointed look Akko was returning. "They…  _did_  know that, right?"

Akko pursed her lips, swallowed, and looked down.

"Dude, you didn't tell your parents?"

"Well, no," Akko admitted. She rolled the fabric of her sweater sleeves between her fingers and glanced back up. "I didn't want them to worry. And I definitely didn't expect them to book tickets to Scotland to watch me ride."

Amanda sighed heavily, throwing herself against the back of her chair and kicking her legs out in front of her. "Akko, you can be a real moron sometimes," she grumbled. "You really should have just told them."

"Okaasan freaks out at things!" Akko wailed, throwing her arms dramatically across the table and burying her face in her sleeves. "And how was I to know they'd come to Internationals?"

"Maybe because they're your  _parents_?" Amanda rolled her eyes and shoved her coffee away. Her voice settled once more as she continued. "How much trouble are you going to be in if they see you're not riding?"

Akko winced and looked toward the coffee shop that was swamped with students on break. "A lot," she said after a moment. "Otousan will be livid. He probably took time off work and everything. It's so hard for him to get a holiday as it is."

"Well—" Amanda trailed off as she followed Akko's gaze, catching sight of Hannah and Barbara standing in the middle of the line. She raised a hand in a small wave when Hannah turned and threw a smile their way. "How's your wrist feel?"

"It feels fine!" Akko straightened up and banged her wrist against the table for dramatic effect, ignoring the protest of her bones. "I can totally ride. I don't even really have to use this stupid arm. I do everything with my right anyway." She grumbled and folded her arms across her chest. "I tried to tell the doctor that, but she didn't listen. She thinks I'll just break it again."

Amanda seemed to consider this for a moment, rolling her teeth over her bottom lip in thought before responding. "Well, I'm a firm believer that you know yourself better than anybody else. You're the one that got us to Internationals in the first place, and if you think you feel good enough to ride, I think that risk is yours to take." She shrugged. "Honestly, if it was me, I'd just ride anyway."

"But Miss Nelson said I can't ride without clearance." Akko glanced at the clock on far wall. She had fifteen minutes to get to her next class. She usually wouldn't mind being late, but it was Hippotherapy and Diana would give her a few choice words for her "lack of diligence" as she called it. "And Dr. Wong wouldn't give me permission, so I don't have that."

Amanda shrugged and stood, tossing her bag over her shoulder and nodding at Hannah as she grew closer with her own freshly acquired coffee. "Well, if it was up to me, I'd just forge the bitch," she said casually, plucking her cup up off the table. She winked suggestively, a mischievous grin settling across her lips. "But I didn't say that."

 

**TWO HOURS EARLIER**

It had to sound professional. Doctors sounded professional. They had a whole lot of education just for that.

She buried her face in her hands as she stared at the blank word document in front of her. Of course one of the few times she'd visited the library was when she was doing something that she most certainly  _should not_ be doing. But Amanda was right. She did know herself best and she wouldn't do something if she didn't think she could do it. And this was something she could do. Something she could do  _well_.

Besides, she trusted Chariot. Her mare would not put her in harm's way.

Akko sucked in a long breath and began hammering at the keyboard, ignoring the pang of anxiety that shuddered through her skin as she wrote.

"I've got your back if you decide to," Amanda had texted her after their interaction. "If Nelson questions it, I'll tell her I went to your appointment with you." But then she'd quickly followed up with, "But if you hurt yourself, I will kill you."

Her parents were not going to fly all the way from Japan and not watch her ride. That was out of the question. No, her parents would see her do everything that she knew she could do, doctor's permission or not.

Akko hit print.

"I'm not sure how I feel about lying," Akko had replied. And it wasn't that she didn't  _want_  to. It was merely something that she wasn't good at and, more than anything, she feared she'd give herself away.

"Don't think of it as lying," Amanda texted back. "Think of it more as suppressio veri."

Akko admittedly had to google what that meant.

She stared down at the paper in her hands, carefully reading what she wrote. She'd been sure to use spellcheck and make certain her grammar was okay. She even made sure to google Dr. Wong's first name.

But, still, it was missing… something.

A letterhead. Right.

Akko sat back down at the computer and googled a Rod of Asclepius to fade to a light grey at the top of the page. She hit print again and worked her lip in thought as she stared down at the new document.

Perfect.

Well, hopefully perfect enough to fool Miss Nelson. That was all she needed.

 

**TIME NOW**

But she hadn't expected to have to fool  _Diana_ , too.

Akko swallowed as she met the kind blue eyes that gazed back at her. Cold lips pressed against her own and Akko had to force herself to kiss back before mustering a grin that she hoped looked sincere.

"Cleared to ride," Akko said, pushing the paper toward her girlfriend and straightening up with a long puff of air. Behind her, Chariot's muzzle nudged at the back of her coat for another peppermint.

Diana took the offered document and glanced over it. At first her expression was neutral and Akko found herself shifting her weight nervously, eyeing the other girl's expression as they trailed over the text. If there was anything that Akko didn't like about Diana, it was that she was so unreadable at times. Akko knew she gave herself away with every twitch of a muscle. Why did Diana have to have such a good poker face?

Finally, a slow smile spread across Diana's lips and she threw—well, reservedly closed—her arms around Akko to pull her into a tight hug.

"I'm so happy for you," Diana said. She planted a kiss to Akko's cheek and took a step back, presenting the letter with an extended arm. "So that means you'll get to ride with the team this weekend, correct?"

Akko nodded, hoping Diana wouldn't notice how her cheeks were reddening. She took the paper back and placed it down on her tack trunk before turning to offer Chariot another peppermint. "Right," she replied. "I am."

"That's great." Diana tucked a few strands of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ear and took a step back. She glanced down at the paper one more time before bringing her eyes back up to meet Akko's. "I have to go get Beatrix ready. See you after, perhaps?" Her blonde eyebrows arched with the question.

Akko nodded with pursed lips, watching as her girlfriend turned and strode off down the aisle in the direction of her own barn. A sinking feeling engulfed her stomach and she slowly lowered herself to her tack trunk, ignoring the snort of disapproval from Chariot and instead staring down at the letter she'd forged.

She'd lied to Diana. The smartest person she knew had bought it.

With a deep breath, she plucked up the letter and stood. It was too late to turn back, now. She would be riding at Internationals. She would be riding for her parents. She would be riding for Chariot. She would be riding for her  _team._

Besides, she didn't have to think of it as a lie. She just had to think of it as… what did Amanda call it?

Suppressio veri. Right.

* * *

The fact that her parents were involved in her sport much at all was surprising. Since she was a kid, Okaasan had encouraged her to do something a little more traditional, a little more run-of-the-mill for a kid from her type of family background. Akko had tried volleyball first, but she was too wily and uncoordinated and would just swing her arms at random much to the dismay of the unlucky team that had landed her as a player. She'd tried soccer and she was fast enough to beat most of the other players on the field, but she was clumsy and tripped over both the ball and her own feet. And there was basketball. Well, the one time she tried to play. Akko was much too short and the ball had slammed her in the face and sent her stalking off the court with a nosebleed and a middle finger to the group of girls that had laughed at her.

Akko had always been obsessed with horses. She'd pretended she was a horse when she was young, galloping around on her hands and knees and pretending to be one of the great, athletic warmbloods that jumped massive obstacles on the television. She printed out and put up pictures of Beezie Madden soaring over jumps on her famous horse Authentic, of Anky Van Grunsen and Bonfire performing Olympic level dressage. And, of course, her idol from the French Olympic Jumping team: Chariot du Nord and her powerful stallion Shiny Rod. There was a certain beauty to the equestrian sport that Akko couldn't find anywhere else and the very idea of working with an animal so powerful and free made her shiver with anticipation.

Sure, she wasn't good at the other sports. But there was also no passion there. There was no desire to fall into the norm.

She wanted to ride.

Otousan and Okaasan were hesitant. Riding was not popular in Japan and stables were few and far between outside their city and so it was an expensive venture. One that forced Otousan to find a higher paying job that required significant travel and for Okaasan to devote time to taking Akko to her lessons and competitions. It was demanding and time-consuming and Akko would be lying if some days she didn't feel remorse for the treacherously pricey path that her love of the sport had taken her and, by default, her family. And though they never complained to her directly, there were nights when she could hear her parents arguing in hushed breaths over the ever-increasing expense that was her passion.

But she was good at it. She was one of the best riders in her program. And not because she was technically proficient, though she was adept enough. Akko was tenacious and hard-working and did everything it took to earn extra time in the saddle without her parents' wallet being opened. On the weekends she would have Okaasan drop her off at the stable and she would muck stalls and scrub troughs or feed buckets from dawn until dusk for ten extra minutes of instruction. She would watch the older riders while she worked, learning through observation and emulation. Jumping and eventing were both fun but she preferred to watch the polo team on their crash course ponies as they raced across the field after each other, their riders daring to lean so far off the side or stretch so tall into the air it was a wonder they didn't hurt themselves more often. She longed for a thrill much the same... but it was too expensive. The specially trained ponies and gear cost too much for her to ever dream of affording it.

Until Mounted Games.

It was a newer sport in Japan, drifting over from the western countries where it was still in its infancy but growing in popularity and all it took was one new rider to the barn—a girl from New Zealand with a feisty pony who was as fast as he was small—for Akko to fall in love. There were no school ponies that could match the speed and finesse that was required of the sport but the girl let Akko ride hers, showed her the art of the vault, how to hook her leg over the saddle to lean down as far as she could, how to hand off an item gently, but firm and accurate all the same.

Akko fell in love with the sport, with the thrill, and she never looked back.

Though there was one thing holding her back. One thing that she thought she may never have.

Akko never she expected to have a horse of her own.

Ownership was a pipe dream, one that she'd resigned to something that might happen later in life, but until then she would lease hand-me-downs or ride the older, veteran stable ponies or the young, green schoolhorses that needed more saddle time before they could cart the younger riders.

But then came Chariot.

Chariot was only six at the time but had seen enough in her short lifetime that she could have been older and no one would have thought otherwise. She had been thrown into the world of pony jumper derbies and was fast and agile but her mind wasn't quite ready. When she became too difficult and too rambunctious to handle, her previous owners determined her mind was broken and that was that.

So by the time Akko's trainer found that small chestnut pony in a feedlot, her hooves overgrown with neglect and her coat shaggy and dull from malnutrition, the little mare had seemed to have all but given up. Akko was there the day she was unloaded from the van and saw how her head hung low and sad, her steps short and dainty. Her mane was shaggy and tangled, hanging in dirty clumps over the side of her thin neck, and the hair on her nose was pushed flat from a too-tight halter.

Akko had paused mid-muck, ignoring the burn of the wooden pitchfork against a popped blister on her palm and watched the pony. Brown eyes lifted to meet hers and, though everything about the mare seemed dull and lifeless, the flicker in those eyes said the very opposite. No, there was still plenty of life there, plenty of spirit.

Her trainer had bought the mare in hopes that she would make a good schooling pony for the younger kids. She was the perfect age to learn and last for a long time, the right height to carry around the smaller riders, not to mention decent conformation despite being a crossbred. She had come with the name Mina, though no one at the barn referred to her as anything other than The Pony.

Honestly, no one seemed to be interested in the little mare. Well, no one but Akko.

There was just something about her that Akko enjoyed. The little personality traits that nobody else noticed: the way her ears pinned flat against her head but then flicked upwards as if to say, "Oh, you're still here? Okay, then, I was faking it anyway." The way she lifted her lips and smacked them against an arm or a leg in search for a treat and stomped or pawed dramatically at the ground when one wasn't given. The way she tilted her head to the side anytime she heard a foreign noise, but never spooked and instead held her ground and leveled a warning stare at anything she wasn't sure about. Many a plastic bag was defeated by a rumbling snort.

Akko was not intending to fall in love with the little mare. She just wanted to see her thrive and be happy, to fit in with the rest of the horses at the barn in the schooling program and have a nice life. So she started spending a majority of her weekend with the pony: brushing and pulling her mane so it wasn't long and shaggy, shedding her long chestnut hair, scrubbing at the whites of her legs and polishing her hooves to a clean glisten. She wasn't much to look at, especially next to the well-bred show ponies that most young girls enjoyed. None of that mattered to Akko.

But there was a problem. The problem being that the pony was far too fast and far too dangerous for a child to ride.

After a few months, the chestnut mare was on the brink of being resold. Akko watched as the trainer grew increasingly frustrated with the lack of progress she was making, at the resistance that the pony gave whenever she was asked to slow down or remain calm. As she was brought out of her stall less and less frequently to be worked. Akko knew she would be perfect for Mounted Games and wanted desperately to prove her value, though she said nothing. It wasn't her place to speak out against her elder and trainer.

Until the day when her trainer led the little mare from her stall and back to the van that she'd arrived in. Where she was headed, Akko didn't know, but she didn't want to see her go, she didn't want to watch the pony she'd somehow fallen in love with to end up where she began—

"Wait," Okaasan had called out from Akko's side. "We'll take her."

Akko had whirled on her heels to stare at Okaasan in disbelief. She didn't have much horse knowledge—Akko had frequently grown frustrated in trying to teach her the basics while Okaasan asked the same questions time and time again—but she was observant. Akko knew she had to see the way she looked at the pony, the increasing amount of time that Akko spent in her stall or grooming her or just hand-grazing her in the limited patches of grass around the stabling area. And she knew how desperately Akko wanted to play on the newly established Games team.

And so the mare was instead turned and the lead rope was placed in Akko's hand and the pony… was hers.

Akko had returned the pony to her stall. Had scrubbed her buckets and given her fresh water, had brought her pads of fluffy hay, and had stood for a long time with her hand resting on quivering chestnut withers as the reality of what had happened slowly settled in. The pony simply chomped at her hay, blissfully oblivious to how close she was to going back to where she had initially come from.

Akko decided that she would never be put in that position again. The pony was hers, even despite the screaming Otousan had done later that night when he'd realized the new expense the family had taken on, and Akko was determined to give her the best possible start.

A new name.

She had thought for a long time, absent-mindedly feeding the curious and somewhat spoiled mare peppermints from her pocket as Akko ran her fingers over the white diamond of her snip. Until, finally, experimentally, she had murmured:

"Chariot?"

The mare's ears swiveled forward. Brown eyes met red. Warm lips pressed against Akko's bare arm. She was more likely just asking for another treat, though Akko took it as a sign.

"Chariot," Akko said again, this time with more confidence, and the pony nudged her. She grinned. "That's it, then. You're Chariot. And I'll be taking care of you so long as you take care of me."

And so they did.

* * *

"How was your ride today?"

Akko glanced up from where she sat cross-legged on Diana's couch, hovering low over the Hippotherapy notes she was studying for the final exam. She felt confident that she would do well—Hippotherapy was her favorite subject, and not just because her girlfriend was in the same class—and, in all honesty, she wasn't paying too much attention any longer. She wasn't able to. Not with Diana's leg brushing against her knee, with the soft, cute sighs that would leave the other girl's lips as she read through her own study material. With the warm fingers that, once in a while, ran down the side of her arm in an affectionate reminder that Diana was there.

Diana hadn't spoken in a while. She rarely did when she studied, mostly because she had said that speaking was a distraction and studying should be done either in the quiet or with a repetitive noise like instrumental music. Which meant that Akko didn't exactly register the words being spoken to her at first and instead said, very stupidly and in a voice slightly cracked with prolonged disuse, "Huh?"

The corner of Diana's mouth cricked into an amused smile. "I asked how your ride went. It was the first practice back, right?"

It had been.

And it had gone poorly.

Being out of the saddle for so long had effected Akko much more than she could have imagined. She was rusty with everything and her seat and legs felt foreign beneath her as she maneuvered her very feisty mare through the gaming obstacles. Chariot was more athletic than she had ever been and Akko was, well, as out of  _shape_ as she'd ever been. The tug of the reins against her wrist and the overuse of an until-then unused arm was more than she had been expecting.

And it hurt.

It hurt a lot.

Diana was looking down with a concerned frown and Akko realized that she'd unconsciously curled her hand into a fist. She relaxed it, letting out a long sigh and forcing a reassuring smile.

"It went alright," she said. "It's good to be riding again."

Diana nodded, though she didn't look entirely convinced. She slid an arm around Akko's shoulders and pulled her in close, placing a soft kiss to Akko's cheeks. "You would let me know if your wrist didn't feel alright," she murmured when she sat back, worried blue eyes boring into red. "Wouldn't you?"

Akko nodded weakly. She felt terrible lying to Diana and the concern made it even worse. "Yeah," she choked out, straining to keep her voice even. "Of course."

"Alright." Diana smiled. It didn't quite reach her eyes. "I'm going to the washroom. Do you need anything?"

Akko shook her head and watched as the other girl stood, the cushion of the sofa shifting with the sudden loss of weight, and disappeared up the narrow wooden stairs. Hannah and Barbara were both out and there was nothing left but the creaking of wood from Diana walking, the rhythmic ticking of one of their clocks on the wall in the kitchen. Akko sighed and glanced back down at the page of notes she'd been pretending to read for the better part of half an hour.

A phone vibrated next to her. At first she thought it was hers—after all, Diana never really got any messages—and so her hand had unconsciously reached down and found it. But when she lifted it, it was too small, too sleek, too plain in its black Otterbox.

And she didn't  _mean_  to look at the message. It was just that her eyes went there and it was bright on the screen and it was short so it was hard not to read the whole thing—

 

> _Chloe 20:05_
> 
> _Friday, right?_

… Chloe?

Akko could feel the color drain from her face. She stared down at the phone in her hand, the weight of it making her wrist uncomfortable after using it the entire night, and waited until the screen went black and the sound of footsteps upstairs began again before she dropped it back to the couch cushion. She straightened uncomfortably.

"You alright?"

It was a benign text and Akko knew that she had no right to be suspicious. She  _knew_  that. Diana was great. She was sweet and kind and put Akko first in nearly every situation—

Except that one. The one that came from left field. The one that Akko hadn't been expecting. But Diana certainly wouldn't hurt her again. At least, not intentionally. Akko hoped.

But... it was Chloe. Why would Diana be talking to Chloe? Akko was certain she'd had her ex blocked. That's what Diana had said, right?

"Yes," Akko lied, faking a smile and leaning into the kiss Diana planted against her lips. The blonde flashed a loving smile, fingertips dancing across Akko's forehead to brush her bangs out of her eyes.

Akko swallowed. Watched as Diana picked up her phone, leaned away, tapped out a message in response. She tossed the phone carelessly to the side and resumed her studies.

Akko had no reason to think poorly of Diana. To question her actions. But the gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach wouldn't go away, and she had to wonder if maybe she wasn't the only one who was lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, hello! i know you guys accept that my updates have been a bit longer between but i will still apologize anyway. i was out of town this weekend and have had a very sick cat (he's okay! i hope). i've also been working on my outline for monster hunter academia quite a bit, so that's taking some of my attention away.
> 
> as always, thanks for reading!


	50. Pebble For Your Thoughts

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

Diana Cavendish was a lot of things. She was blunt, emotionally crippled (according to two people, now), and altogether not very good in social situations that required any kind of empathy whatsoever. But there was one thing she was not-and that was dense. She had lied plenty of times in her life before to know what one looked like on the face of another. Especially somebody who could not hide said lie.

There was the time that she snuck out of her room as a child in the middle of a warm, summer night to go gallop her favorite gelding across a field. It had been a dream of hers to ride under the moonlight, under the stars, and so when her mother inquired about the dirty saddle pad that had been left out and the pair of breeches she'd left on the top of her hamper, she had insisted that both had been from the day before. Her mother had not bought it and she had been grounded, more-so for the lie than the act itself.

Years ago, when Beatrix was still young, she had lied to her Aunt when she'd tried to take a jump that she wasn't quite ready for and had fallen off. She hadn't hurt herself, but she certainly didn't want to be restricted from riding, and so she'd simply said that the young mare had spooked and she'd lost her balance.

She lied to Chloe once, too. She hadn't felt like visiting one weekend, mostly because it was toward the end of the relationship and she was the only one putting in effort, and so she'd told Chloe she had car trouble and wouldn't be able to make it. She felt terrible for it, though, and the guilt was nearly worse than the effort it would have taken to make the trip itself.

And, of course, she'd told little white lies throughout her life. Sure, that blouse looks nice on you. You don't look very sick at all. Your braids are well done, you'll get better at it in no time. Your position looked just fine over that jump, I'm sure you'll place well. That saddle is stunning.

Yes, Diana knew lies, because she'd been behind some, herself. But where she'd mastered keeping her expression neutral and her voice emotionless, Akko had not. The other girl wore everything on her sleeve and so it was easy to tell that there was something not quite right, something questionable.

So she knew Akko was lying.

Diana stared down at the paper in her hand, her eyes skimming over the words typed on the paper.

_To Whom It May Concern:_

_It is of my professional opinion that Atsuko Kagari's wrist is healed to the point where she is able to resume equestrian activities as of 18/12 and is approved to ride in the Mounted Games International Competition on 22/12 and 23/12._

_Dr. Feng Wong, Ph.D_

_Exeter Family Medicine_

There was no way that this was a legitimate note. The watermark was all wrong—not at all the type of letterhead she would expect of a medical professional—and the doctor herself most certainly would have signed along with her name. Besides, doctors didn't have time to sit down and type out notes like this on the fly. Dr. Wong more than likely would have just hand-written something on a notepad.

And, along with that, Akko's wrist certainly hadn't had the necessary time to heal. Though she was majoring in veterinary science, Diana knew more than her fair share of human anatomy and simple healing processes such as broken bones.

The note was faked. Akko had written it herself.

In that moment, as she stared down at the note given to her, she made a decision. Maybe it was the pleading look in Akko's eyes, the one that said, " _Please buy my lie, I'm terrible at_   _this_ ," or the hopeful smile that barely reached her eyes. Maybe it was that she loved the girl so much that she didn't want to see her sad or upset, didn't want to watch her mourn the loss of something she had worked so desperately hard for.

If she had been hurt prior to one of the most important competitions of her life, she could not honestly say that she would let the opportunity pass her by. No, she wouldn't want to let her team down, wouldn't want to let Miss Meridies or Beatrix down.

She honestly would have done the same thing. She honestly would have… lied.

Akko could hurt her wrist again. And, if she did, it would likely be a much worse break than the first time. But Akko knew what she was doing when it came to Games. She knew what she was doing when she was riding her mare. And she knew her body better than anybody else. Sure, it was a risk. A big one, at that.

But it was Akko's risk to take and stood no chance of hurting anybody else.

So she'd forced a smile and wrapped her arms around Akko's body, had pulled her in close and said, "I'm so happy for you," because that's what Akko needed—she needed support for the decision she'd made for herself—and Diana had no right at all to tell her what to do. If Akko hurt herself, then Diana would break out the lecture. But, for now, she had no right to stop Akko from the path she'd already chosen to travel.

She trusted Akko. She trusted that she would be careful and that the forged letter in her hand hadn't come without the weight of thought.

"That means you'll get to ride with the team this weekend, correct?" she asked after she placed a gentle kiss to Akko's warm, flushed cheek. She stepped back, one hand still lingering on Akko's arm as she delicately offered the letter back. She could see how red Akko was getting under the guise of her lie.

"Right," Akko said. Her voice was a little shaky. "I am."

"That's great," Diana replied. She eyed the paper that Akko had set down on her tack trunk. Though she was clever enough to see through the forgery, she knew that it was well-written enough to fool Miss Nelson, who was likely chomping at the bit to have Akko back as it was. But she would make sure, and so when she excused herself she didn't go directly to Beatrix's box. Instead, she lingered just around the corner of the instructor's offices, listening to Akko's hesitant footsteps against the stone, at the gentle rap on the door before it swung open and she stepped inside.

Had Miss Nelson questioned the letter, Diana would have readily stepped into the office and asserted that she had been with Akko at her appointment. That she had, in fact, been permitted to ride at Internationals. It was the least she could do for the girl she loved, the girl she had crushed not long ago, and so she would take the risk along with her. She would be there for her in the way that she had failed to do in the past.

But Akko didn't need Diana. Miss Nelson had shouted out with excitement, readily accepting the lie that Akko had presented, and Diana needed only but nod to herself in hesitant satisfaction.

It was time to support Akko fully. Even if that meant standing behind her in decisions that Diana would otherwise be strongly opposed to. Through good choices and bad choices.

She just hoped that Akko knew what she was doing. Knew what she was risking.

Diana stood in the middle aisle of the barn, offering a gentle smile to other riders who passed and acknowledged her with a hello, and clenched her fists in the pockets of her coat.

Akko was going to ride in the international competition. With a wrist that was barely healed. And Diana wanted to be there to protect her, to make sure she was alright and, above all else, to watch her ride… but how? She had a responsibility to be at the gala. A responsibility to Luna Nova, to her team, to Miss Meridies.

Once again, she wouldn't be there when Akko needed her most, and so with a resigned sigh, she turned on her heel and headed off to her own responsibilities—responsibilities that she was always sacrificing her own happiness for.

* * *

Beatrix seemed off.

Diana sat deep in the saddle, clenching her thighs as she flexed her fingers against the reins to bring the large bay mare back down to a walk. Though minor, there was a hitch in her front left, and Diana could feel it. Platinum brows furrowed as she stared down at the mare's neck, watching her reach her muzzle forward as she took the freedom of softened reins. Front left was the suspensory injury—it couldn't possibly be back, could it?

Of course it could. Diana knew that possibility was there. Once injured, it was weakened for life. The injury could resurface at any point in time.

"Barbara, would you mind watching her on the straightaway?" Diana asked, peeling her eyes off her mare to find her raven-haired friend, who was having her own troubles with a very feisty and very in heat Belle. "She feels off."

Barbara was her best bet for confirming her suspicions. She wasn't in veterinary studies, but she certainly had a keen eye for lameness and other potential maladies. She was one of the most observant people Diana knew and she trusted her opinion when it came to her mare's health.

"Sure," Barbara said, abandoning her current argument with Belle and instead stopping the fussy black mare in the middle of the arena. Her eyes trained on Diana and Beatrix. "Go ahead."

Diana gathered the reins back up and urged Beatrix into a working trot, rising into the post with each pump of her legs as she encouraged her into a lengthened stride down the long side of the arena. It would be the best way for Barbara to see if there was anything going on. A lameness would mean a shorter stride, a bob of the head, perhaps a swish of the tail as discomfort struck.

"Off," Barbara called from where she sat. "Definitely off in the front left. Can't tell if it's coming from high or low, though." She smiled reassuringly when Diana eased the mare up and strode to the center of the arena. "It's subtle," she added. "Likely nothing serious."

That did nothing to make Diana feel better. She sighed heavily as she swung out of the saddle and patted her mare's neck lovingly. The large mare turned her head and nudged at Diana's arms, snorting gently into the fabric of her coat.

"I'm going to go check her out," she murmured, glancing at Barbara with a terse smile. "You girls go ahead and finish up your rides. I'll catch up to you when you're finished."

Her mind spiraled as she walked Beatrix down the aisle of the barn, the sound of steel shoes against the stone ground echoing a painful rhythm in her mind. In the best case it would be something simple—maybe a bit of muscle soreness or a hoof abscess that was starting to develop—and worst case it would be her suspensory again. An injury during an intermission between seasons wasn't the worst thing because it wouldn't interrupt her show schedule or threaten her position with points on the leaderboard. But, at the same time, they'd hardly done any stressful work, and if Beatrix was lame from the light rides they'd been doing… well, it didn't look good for when things were amped up in the next month.

Diana settled Beatrix into the crossties and slowly began to pull off her tack, watching for any form of discomfort as she stood on the hard surface. There wasn't anything she could see. Outwardly, Beatrix looked just fine.

It worried her.

Soft brown eyes gazed back at her as she unbuckled the throatlatch and noseband. Diana sighed, running her fingers down the jagged white stripe, the soft cheekbones and muzzle. Beatrix had bloomed into a gorgeous mare, muscular and elegant, but when Diana looked into those eyes she still saw the gangly, awkward filly from so long ago.

Her mother had been hoping for a colt when she bred her favorite mare, Woodward, to Balou du Rouet, one of the top Hanoverian studs in Europe. It had been a cross that her mother had been waiting for, had been clamoring for since the books opened for the gorgeous, successful bay stallion. It had been difficult to get on the books—they were often filled before the Cavendish family had a chance to put down the deposit—and so a spot in the limited number of covers was something to celebrate.

"Their conformation compliments each other perfectly," Diana's mother had stated as she lay in bed and browsed over the stallion page for Balou du Rouet. "And Woodward produces some of the finest foals this estate has ever seen. A colt would be a magnificent addition to the stable and would serve as a fine sire to begin our own foundation line."

Diana had understood very little of what her mother had said. But she knew Woodward produced great foals—one of her offspring had gone on to compete at one of the top levels of show jumping—and her mother's enthusiasm got  _her_  excited.

But her mother had not been alive to see the birth of her prized foal, her long-awaited cross between Balou du Rouet and her favorite mare Woodward. She had passed shortly before foaling season.

Aunt Daryl had been silent as she observed Woodward's labor, as she watched the heaving and sweating body of the large bay mare as she foaled. Diana had stood next to the box door, quiet in her own curiosity to see what the result of such an anticipated breeding would be. It was meant to be exciting—after all, Diana's mother had hyped up the possibilities of what was to come—but, instead, the still recent passing simply made the event bittersweet.

And when the foal slipped into the thick straw bedding, when Aunt Daryl cut through the birthing sac to reveal the jagged white stripe of the tiny, wet being, the realization that it was a filly was only salt in the wound. Diana's mother had wanted a colt, had longed for a stallion to begin her own herd of elite show jumpers.

Instead, a filly on wobbly, splayed legs stared back at them with flaring red nostrils and the curious eyes of something taking in a brand new world.

In that moment, Diana could have easily chosen to hate Beatrix.

After all, it wasn't what her mother had wanted, what her mother had dreamed of. The earth still lay fresh on her body and here stood the opposite of her desire, the last remaining hope of something going right for once, of a dream being realized, shattered completely in the form of a life who knew nothing of what she symbolized.

"What a shame," Aunt Daryl had murmured as she watched the little filly searching beneath her mother for her first taste of milk. She gently wrapped her arms around the foal's neck and guided her, sighing and shaking her head as she glanced at Diana with a terse smile. "Your mother would be sorely disappointed."

And she would have been. Woodward was much too old to risk breeding a final time and this was set to be her last before retirement. There would be no other repeat breeding to Balou du Rouet, would be no foundational stallion that her mother so desired for the future of the farm.

But Diana was not.

Before her stood—on quivering legs and eyes wide in the awakening of a new reality—a beautiful filly that resembled one of her mother's very last undertakings. A foal still wet with birth, still shivering with the anticipation of what was to come as she broke away from Woodward's teat and warily eyed the two humans standing nearby.

Aunt Daryl had no objections to Diana taking the filly for herself. She knew it was what Diana needed and so, from that moment on, they were together. A birth and a rebirth, a filly and a girl, and the two bonded together while the world grew around them. It was Diana who comforted the foal late into each night when she was finally weaned from Woodward. Diana who let herself get thrown into fences and rode through rears and bucks during the filly's hard to break phase. Diana who nursed her back to health with each injury, from every minor scrape to the suspensory that put her out for a few months the last year.

Over a period of 11 years, the two had come to trust each other more than anybody else. Beatrix was the only family that Diana had, the only thing that she could cling to as a certain.

She would not fail her.

Diana let out a heavy sigh as she leaned her forehead against Beatrix's soft cheek, feeling the warm, wet air from the mare's nostrils billowing over her neck and shoulder. Her hands coasted over the mare's neck in long strokes, winding through her short black mane and gripping as she squeezed her eyes shut and whispered, "What's wrong, love?"

The response was not from her horse.

"Everything alright?"

Diana lifted her head to find Amanda standing before her, her hands closed around the reins of a surprisingly docile Star. Mud caked her tan breeches and the long green socks she had pulled nearly to her knees. Sand and dirt was flecked across the front of her black jacket.

"I…" Diana hesitated, glancing down at the left leg that she knew housed a problem that she was scared to find. She needed to check, to run her hands down that muscular leg and feel for heat, but she was scared to do it. "No," she admitted after a moment, forcing a smile into green eyes that, for once, housed concern instead of mischief. "She's off. I'm afraid it may be her suspensory again."

Amanda nodded, frowning as she followed Diana's eyes to the mare's leg. "Hopefully not. It could be something simple." She offered a hopeful smile. "Want me to check for you?"

Diana took a step back from Beatrix and swallowed. She honestly didn't want to do it herself. She knew that she would feel the phantom heat in the suspensory, that she would imagine it was there even if it wasn't. "Please," she murmured, turning back to the disheveled American with pursed lips.

Amanda dipped her chin in acknowledgment and pressed Star's cotton reins into Diana's waiting hand. Her fingers passed briefly over Beatrix's muzzle with a coo of a greeting before she knelt down and began running her palms over muscle and bone, starting at the top and working her way down with firm care. "How long has she been off?" she asked.

"Just tonight." Diana stared at the little bay pony who eyed her curiously before dipping his muzzle and letting out a long snort that sprayed the front of her coat with snot. She patted his neck gently, feeling the muscles rippling beneath his slightly fuzzy hair, and earned a nudge to her side.

Star wasn't much to look at. He was plain, a shade of bay that wasn't entirely desirable, and nothing stood out conformation wise that would have set him apart from other, more exceptionally bred ponies. He couldn't have costed much and Diana knew that it was likely the result of Amanda's parents not supporting her decision to play Games.

Yet, still, Amanda had done the best with what she was given. Star was an incredible Games pony. Sure, a little rambunctious, but horses were much the reflection of their owners and Diana expected little else from a rider so wild in nature.

Star snorted once more. Stomped a hoof, swished his tail. He gently lowered his head and burrowed his forehead into the front of Diana's coat. Maybe he knew that she wasn't exactly happy at the moment. That she was worried. Horses, after all, did have a pretty good intuition for that kind of thing.

She wrapped her hands around his poll and gently massaged behind his ears, struggling to ignore the  _hm's_  and  _huh's_ that Amanda was grunting while she examined Beatrix.

"Hey, Diana?"

Well, that was a far cry from Gayvendish. Diana glanced back to Amanda to find the other girl watching her while her thumbs rolled in slow circles over Beatrix's digital flexor.

"Would it be alright for me to say sorry now?" The American let out a nervous chuckle. "I know I'm sitting here groping your horse and all, but I hardly ever get one-on-one time with you."

Diana felt her eyebrows knit together. "Pardon?"

"For treating you like shit," Amanda said. She turned her attention back to Beatrix's leg and continued her work. "And not being supportive of you and Akko. I acted like a dick."

She didn't know what to say. There was no arguing with it—Amanda  _had_  been sort of a… well, bell-end—but it was nothing that Diana didn't feel like she deserved. It was her fault that everything happened between herself and Akko. It was her fault that they had to repair something that could have easily gone unbroken.

Amanda's fingers pushed down. Wrapped around the mare's pastern and lingered. "You deserve to be happy after everything happened with Chloe. You're my friend. I had no right to say the things I did. Especially after everything with Hannah."

Friend?

That was a word she would have hardly used to describe Amanda O'Neill. At least… before this moment. She felt her head cock gently to the side, much like Akko's did when she was confused—maybe the other girl was rubbing off on her—and narrowed her eyes. She cleared her throat and straightened back up, letting her face fall back to neutral as she continued massaging behind Star's ears. The pony's eyes had drifted shut in content.

"No need to apologize," Diana replied. "You told me nothing I didn't already have on my mind."

"Well, that's the fucked up thing." Amanda stood, rolling her shoulders as she dusted off her hands and patted Beatrix's shoulder. She took a deep breath and shuffled her paddock boot against the black mat of the wash stall, pushing aside a clod of dirt from some other horse's hoof. "You're a good person, Diana. You deserve to be happy just like anybody else. You've just…" she let her eyes swivel back up to meet blue. "You've just had shit luck. Akko's good for you. She's positive and nice and it's fun to laugh at the stupid stuff she does." She smiled, a tentative crick of the corner of her mouth. "You deserve somebody who will love you in the way that she can. Everybody deserves that. Except, well, serial killers and shit."

"Thank you for that clarification," Diana said slowly, ignoring that last bit. "I… accept and appreciate your apology."

Amanda nodded, her freckled cheeks flushing under Diana's burning stare. It was clear the American wasn't used to being serious for more than fleeting moments at a time. "Anyway, uh—" She patted Beatrix's neck and looked away. "I don't feel anything. You sure it's this leg?"

"I'm sure."

Amanda stepped back, folding her arms across her chest as she hummed and ran her eyes over the tall bay mare. Diana watched her gaze slip down to the dirt clod on the ground. To Beatrix's hoof. "Hold on," she muttered, bending down once more. Her hands wrapped around Beatrix's pastern and tugged. The mare obediently lifted her leg and stood quietly while the redhead inspected the soft flesh of her V-shaped frog.

"Ah," came a sharp grunt. Diana watched as Amanda dug into the hoof before setting it down gently. She turned, a sly grin spread across her face as she presented a small pebble between her index finger and thumb. "Found the problem. Had this wedged. Had to be uncomfortable."

Diana blinked. On impulse, she extended her hand.

"Sometimes," Amanda said, pressing the dirty pebble into the palm of Diana's hand and nodding with satisfaction, "the problem at hand has a very simple solution."

* * *

Diana rolled the pebble in her fingers as she walked home, trailing a foot behind Barbara and Hannah as they chatted animatedly about the upcoming gala that weekend. Hannah was dead set on pre-gaming—an idea that Diana vehemently opposed, be as she could embarrass Luna Nova if she drank too much—and Barbara merely rambled on about the attractive guys from Appleton that would likely be there. Barring Andrew, of course, who would be at the International Games competition instead.

"You alright?"

Diana hummed, folding her hand into a fist and tucking it into her pocket as she turned her attention to Barbara. Her friend had dropped back and leveled her with a concerned stare.

"You're usually quiet, but you seem a little more thoughtful than usual," Barbara pointed out. "Are you still worried about Beatrix? She looked fine when you trotted her out for me."

"No," Diana replied, puffing out a long breath of air that fogged in front of her face. It was frigid, but her coat was warm and it wasn't so windy, so the cold was nothing more than a numbness of her skin. "It's not that."

It wasn't. Beatrix was completely sound. The pebble digging into her frog was what caused the hint of a limp. Not another suspensory injury, which had been her fear. Barbara had confirmed for her that the mare was back to her usual stride.

"What's up, then?"

"Nothing's going on with Akko, right?" Hannah asked. Her nose was bright red from the cold. "She seemed pretty normal tonight from what I saw."

She was. She had been her usual adorable self, full of positive energy and absolutely elated from the ride she'd had with Chariot. Akko had denied her wrist hurting—something that Diana knew was a stretch from the way she held it—but the girl had seemed so genuinely happy it had put a smile right on her face.

And, as she twirled the pebble in her pocket, thoughts in her mind.

_Sometimes the problem at hand has a very simple solution._

But it wasn't simple. Was it? She had the gala to attend. The top award to accept. Luna Nova to represent. She couldn't just drop everything to go watch Akko ride in one of the most important competitions in her life, one that she had worked hard for and was overcoming the  _odds_ for—

Yes, it was that simple.

She hadn't realized she'd stopped until Barbara's voice was fresh in her ear again.

"Diana?"

She squeezed the pebble.

"I'm not going," Diana said, her voice bursting past her teeth without her brain connecting fast enough to stop the words she was saying. But she was firm in her decision, even through the shivers that ran through her body at the very thought of doing something so abrupt, so spur-of-the-moment, and she repeated, "I'm not going."

Hannah narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean, you're not going? Not going home?" She glanced over her shoulder at the direction they'd been heading. "Do you need to go to Akko's or something?"

"Yes. No, not that, but yes—" Diana huffed. Her adrenaline was racing so fast it was difficult to even get her speech under control, something she normally had no problem with. "I need to go to Akko's competition."

Barbara was staring at her with glistening eyes, her bangs splaying out from underneath her knit hat. "Internationals? You can't. We have the award ceremony. Miss Meridies would flip out."

"Let me rephrase that." Diana gathered herself, taking a deep breath through her nose as she met the confused gazes of her friends. "I will be attending Akko's competition."

"They leave the day after tomorrow," Hannah pointed out.

"And it's in Scotland," Barbara added, her voice laced with unease.

"Who would accept your award?" Hannah asked.

Diana dipped her head, the wool of her scarf scratching against her chin. "Aunt Daryl can accept the award in my place. There will be no added benefit to having me accept it myself, and seeing as how there is somewhere more important that I need to be—"

Barbara frowned. "You don't  _need_  to be there. You  _need_  to be at the gala."

"Wait."

Hannah's hazel eyes had lit with excitement and she bounced on her toes as she glanced between her friends. "I'm going, too. If you're going to watch Akko ride, I'm coming with you to watch Amanda."

" _What_?" Barbara shrilled. "No. Neither of you are going. Don't be daft."

"Why not?" Hannah snapped back. "My mother can accept my award for me as well. We don't have to be there. Besides—" She looked to Diana and offered a resolute nod. "I'd like to see Amanda, too. We're still supporting another Luna Nova team. It's not as though we're missing the gala for something pointless."

"But—" Barbara let out a long, rumbling sigh as she crossed her arms over her chest and looked away to a student who was sitting quietly on a bench beneath a dimmed light. She was staring at the three curiously, obviously listening to the raised voices of the three teammates. "You're going to leave me  _alone_?" she whined in a quieter voice.

Barbara let her arms fall from her chest and tucked her hands into her pockets. "Alright," she said at last, resigned to being outnumbered by her two friends. "I'll stay and deal with Miss Meridies and represent Luna Nova. Besides—" She rolled her shoulders in a shrug, kicking at an icicle that had fallen from a branch above. "The jump team will be there, at least."

"Alright," Hannah murmured. A bright grin spread across her face as she clapped a hand onto Barbara's shoulder, leveling Diana with an intent gaze. Diana had seen that look before. It was an expectation for leadership, for guidance, for an answer that they believed Diana held. "One problem, though. How are we going to get to Scotland on such short notice?"

Diana squeezed her eyes shut, her teeth coasting gently over her bottom lip in thought as she wrapped her hand around the mobile in her pocket. She knew a way to get there. A way to get plane tickets in the bat of an eye. It was easy for a French Ambassador to acquire transportation with no notice, and that privilege was not withheld from his daughter.

The answer meant finally facing a ghost that still haunted her. A ghost that she had avoided for so long, whose rattling chains she had blocked out through studying and riding, whose lingering wails she had ignored with cautious movements. But it was for Akko, and so she knew that she could overcome the fear that nagged the back of her mind.

And so she pulled out her phone and, as Barbara and Hannah watched on, asked a favor from that ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Likely 4-6 more chapters.


	51. Reasons pt. 1

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

Akko was not usually the type to get nervous. It wasn't as though she practiced any methods of remaining calm, of keeping the anxiety at bay. Calm was just something that came naturally to her, an innate part of her personality that she had come to appreciate when it came to competition and other stressful situations. She was the reliable one, the anchor (pun intended?) for a team that was usually a bundle of nerves.

But, this time, she was the nervous one.

"It's gonna be just fine, Akko," Lotte reassured, placing a soft hand on Akko's knee as she smiled into the Japanese girl's red eyes. "We'll do great. You're still better than everybody out there. Even if you're a little rusty."

"Yeah, I'll admit you're decent," Sucy murmured. She shrugged and flashed her trademark smirk at her two teammates. "We'll get by."

Akko sighed, fiddling with the earbuds in her fingers that were still blasting K-pop. "It's not that," she said, shrinking down into the seat of the van. Behind them, Jasminka and Constanze were passed out, the smaller German girl slouched against her larger, snoring friend. Amanda was busy playing something on her phone, her own music a distant noise that was drowned out by the droning of the van's engine.

"Then what is it?" Lotte gave her knee a squeeze and peered at Akko, her blue eyes bright behind thick lenses. "If you're worried about getting hurt again, we'll make sure nothing happens."

"It's not that either." Akko frowned, flicking on the screen of her phone and navigating to the most recent text message that Okaasan had sent her. "This is the first major competition my parents have come to," she admitted. "And… my wrist." She turned her braced wrist over on her leg, glaring at it as if it had offended her somehow. And, well, it kind of had, because it broke without her permission. "If anything happens while I'm riding I'll be  _dead,_ " she finished with a dramatic groan.

Sucy side-eyed her from where she was slouched against the window, her shoulders rattling with the van. It was windy and the vehicle was being pushed all over the road. Akko didn't want to imagine how stressed out Miss Nelson was driving because she got anxious even on the best of days. "Well, that's kind of your fault," Sucy pointed out. "You're the one that didn't tell your parents you broke your wrist."

"I didn't want them to  _worry_." Akko let her head fall back against the headrest and sighed. "I didn't know they were going to fly out west to watch me ride!"

"If I had parents," Sucy grumbled, "I would have told them I broke my wrist.  _And_ I'd be excited to have them at one of the most important competitions I've ever ridden in."

"Sucy," Lotte scolded.

Akko glanced at her lavender-haired friend. "It's okay, Lotte," she said quietly. "She's just saying it how it is. Sorry, Sucy."

It was rare for Sucy to bring up her orphaned past and Akko and Lotte were privy to very little of what the other girl had gone through during her childhood. All Akko knew was that there was foster care but never adoption, and her quiet, snarky roommate had drowned herself a modest equestrian program to get through her youth with hand-me-down equipment since the orphanage couldn't afford anything. Like Akko, she, too, had a full ride, having thrown herself head first into a scholarship opportunity for children of her background.

Sucy's past didn't seem to upset her, and so the topic was something that was in the pile of "unmentionable" within the trio's friendship. It was just there: a fact of life, much like Akko's sexuality, much like Lotte's struggle with poverty growing up in Finland.

"It's cool," Sucy muttered. The corner of her lip cricked back into a half-smirk. "I don't care."

"You know, you say that a lot," Lotte pointed out, "but I'm pretty sure you do care."

"Ah." Sucy's lips pursed together as she nodded firmly. "The gig is up. The curtain has closed. My attempts at hiding my true feelings have all been for naught. I am exposed to the core." She pressed her fingers to her heart and feigned a dramatic faint.

Lotte scowled, running a hand through her messy orange hair. "Knock it off, Suce," she growled. "You don't have to be such a—"

"What happened?" Akko heard herself ask. She glanced up from where she was poking at the Velcro of her wrist brace. Maroon and blue eyes turned to her and immediately she felt guilty for the question, though she pushed forward anyway because… well, she wanted to know, and she felt like she hardly knew much at all about her very quiet roommate. "To your parents?" she clarified.

"Uh." Sucy hesitated for a moment, her gaze switching to the backseat where Constanze and Jasminka were fast asleep. Amanda, too, had let her eyes drift shut, her phone loose in her hand as her chin bobbed with the movement of wheels against the road. "They died."

Akko blinked. Lotte had become completely silent, her body rigid with the tension surrounding the conversation.

"Akko," Lotte said carefully, "I don't think this is appropriate—"

"It's okay. Do you want to know what happened?"

Sucy's lips were pursed in a tight smile as she glanced back and forth between her two friends.

In that moment, as Akko studied a somewhat saddened expression that was far from Sucy's usual neutral, disinterested look, she realized that she did in fact  _want_  to know more about Sucy. Sure, she knew her friend was a Biology major, knew she was a vegetarian and had a collection of succulents in her room that could put an actual desert to shame, but… on a personal level, there was nothing. The other girl mostly hid in her room and kept to herself, rarely interacting unless altogether forced, and had never uttered a word about her home life or feelings in general.

So, for her to open up, well… it was something new entirely.

"Yes," Akko breathed. She didn't want to sound desperate, but she  _did_  want to get to know her friend.

"I suppose." Lotte's tone was tentative, nervous. "If you feel comfortable."

"Ina fell ill when I was very young," Sucy said, her expression deadpan as she stiffened and stared straight ahead, almost as though she was looking into the past and not at her friends. "Tuberculosis. Came on suddenly from what my lola told me and progressed too quickly for doctors to help." She shrugged, looked down.

Lotte's expression softened. She reached over and wrapped a hand around Sucy's, frowning when the other girl ripped her hand away in surprise. "Sucy, I'm so sorry."

Akko swallowed. Nodded. "And your dad?"

"Ama was an addict," Sucy stated matter-of-factly. Her face hardened, teeth clenching beneath the thin skin of her cheek as she rolled her jaw thoughtfully. "He left shortly after."

Lotte's orange eyebrows stitched together in confusion. "Then how do you know he's dead?"

Sucy took a sharp intake of breath and leaned back against the soft upholstery of the van seat. She met blue eyes with flashing red, any semblance of kindness dissolving with the shadow that passed over her face. "He's dead to me," she replied, her tone so sharp it seemed to cut into the air between them.

Akko frowned. She said nothing, though she felt like she should say  _something_ —

Luckily, Lotte had taken over. "Why didn't you live with your grandmother?"

Sucy forced a smile and sighed, shaking her head. "I did. For six years. She passed, too."

Lotte's mouth snapped shut. She shot Akko a sideways glance before looking away, staring thoughtfully at the repetitive landscape of northern England as it blurred by. Her hand fell to the NightFall book in her lap, her thumb absent-mindedly fluttering through the slightly bent pages. Silence spread between them, the only sounds the gentle creaking of the van, the music muffled in Akko's earbuds, the gentle breaths of Constanze as she slept behind them.

"Do you want to know why I love succulents?"

Akko blinked up. She hadn't expected Sucy to speak again, and she most certainly hadn't expected the soft, almost pained tone that ebbed around the words that left her mouth. She nodded hesitantly, watching as Sucy's lips parted and she continued speaking, almost as though she was talking more to herself than her two friends.

"They can live almost anywhere. They're made for hardship and neglect." She stared off into space, blinking slowly as her fingers curled into her palms, nails digging half-moons into the thin skin. She was quiet for a long moment, one in which Akko knew better than to say anything at all, before finally offering a weak, wistful smile.

"I like them," Sucy said, finally raising her eyes to meet those of her friends, "because it takes a lot for them to die."

* * *

"Akko, you need to chill. You're stressing me out," Amanda muttered, watching as Akko zoned out staring across the St. Andrew's equestrian center for what felt like the hundredth time.

But it wasn't that Akko's parents would even show up there, right? Okaasan had clearly stated they'd found last minute lodging ("This is a very expensive bed and breakfast," Okaasan had bemoaned over the phone. "Old, too. It better not be haunted, I don't need Otousan going into cardiac arrest—he's liable to at his age, you know—"). Besides, Akko was supposed to link up with them for dinner.

"Yo, it's full!" Amanda was yelling at her side.

Cold water was pouring over her hands and down the sides of her 20 gallon bucket, sloshing over her paddock boots and splashing up at the bottoms of her jeans. Akko grunted and pulled the bucket away so Amanda could fill her own.

"Sorry," she grumbled, tilting the bucket to the side to dump out a little over the overflowing water. "Zoned out."

Amanda rolled her eyes, watching as Akko mindlessly picked at the Velcro of her wrist brace. "You know, you could easily tell your mom you sprained it," she quipped. "She won't know the difference and it's not like you'd call them freaking out over that. I mean, I wouldn't, anyway. Not that I'd tell my parents if I broke anything, either, they can suck—"

"I'm a terrible liar," Akko cut in. She squeezed her eyes shut and sighed.

"Hell." Amanda pulled a full bucket away and replaced it with a second. The heavy stream of water echoed against the hollow plastic. Amanda had decided to finish both of her water buckets for Star off in one fell swoop. Unlike Akko, who was much more concerned about the strain of the weight on her wrist than finishing quickly. Though, Akko was kind of convinced it had way more to do with flexing for all the girls around them and less about actual time management. Amanda had carefully rolled the sleeves of her shirt up to the elbows—even though it was bitterly cold out—to show off the rolling muscles of her forearms.

"Diana bought your shit, didn't she? And so did Nelson." The redhead slammed the handle of the water spicket down to turn it off, green eyes flashing up to meet Akko's with a devious smirk. "Though I'm not sure how. You really are an awful liar."

"I know I am," Akko whined. She wrapped her hands around the thin metal of the bucket's handle, taking a deep breath before heaving it to waist height. Amanda followed suit, ignoring the water that splashed out of her own buckets as she made a big show of carrying one in each hand. It was obvious it took effort, but the slow reddening of Amanda's face and the huffing as she lugged the buckets through the aisle did little to keep her from lifting her shoulders a little every time another girl passed by.

Not that they even looked. Or cared. Akko rolled her eyes.

"Hey, Akko!" a voice came from across the aisle. Akko grinned at a girl she recognized—except, well, she didn't remember her name—and lifted a hand to wave while completely forgetting the bucket in her hands. Water poured from the side, spilling in a wave of shocking cold over the thigh of her jeans.

"Smooth," Amanda said when the girl had turned and walked away.

Akko frowned, righting the bucket and ignoring the sting of icy water against her leg. Ahead, Chariot stuck her nose through the bars of her temporary stall and snorted. She was still in the process of settling into her new accommodations and was anxious, circling the stall and desperately searching for anything recognizable. Star was stabled next to the little chestnut pony, but she couldn't see him through the massive stone wall that separated the stalls. In her mind, she was very alone.

"Why would I care about being smooth?" Akko asked, quirking an eyebrow as she side-eyed Amanda. "I have a girlfriend. I'm not trying to impress anybody."

"Well, we all know you have a girlfriend," Amanda grumbled. "Because you kind of asked her in front of  _everybody_. But, I don't know, attention's nice. Don't you think? Besides, it's a compliment to Diana that other people find you attractive."

Akko stopped in front of Chariot's door, ignoring the hot air that flooded from the mare's nostrils onto the side of her face as she lowered the bucket with a relieved sigh. "I don't really care what other people think, though," she said thoughtfully, straightening up and reaching forward to stroke at her mare's smooth neck. "Only Diana's opinion matters."

"To each her own. I like seeing how possessive Hannah gets. Star, get back, would you?"

There was a bang, a curse, a loud snort and a stomp of a hoof from next door. Akko watched through the bars as Amanda hoisted up her buckets and attached them to the wall, ignoring the little bay pony behind her as he crowded her personal space.

"Oi, Akko, good to see you here!"

Akko whirled, flashed a smile at the tiny blonde who was grinning back at her. Noelle was an acquaintance from past competitions—a girl from England, though Akko wasn't certain what university she rode for now—and her thick, cheerful accent flooded effortlessly through the noise of the busy stable. Behind her strode a chubby dappled grey pony with a roached mane who was looking around curiously at the rushing riders, the excited parents, the nervous horses.

"Hi," Akko replied, well aware of the wet lips that were smacking against the back of her neck.

"Haven't seen you in a bit. You alright?" Noelle gestured to the brace on Akko's wrist.

"Eh." Akko glanced down, turned her arm over. She frowned. "Yeah, no big deal. Just sprained it." The lie came out naturally. Was she getting good at it? Akko wasn't quite sure that was something she wanted to be good at.

Noelle nodded, accepting the fib without question. "Alright, then. Catch up later?"

Amanda was by Akko's side before the round rump of the grey pony disappeared around the corner of the middle aisle. "Jeez, does everybody know you?" She took the bucket from Akko, nudging her way into Chariot's stall. "I've got this for you. Don't want you hurting your wrist more."

"Thanks," Akko said gratefully. She propped her arms up on Chariot's stall door, leaning over as she watched Amanda lift the water bucket up and clip it to the bit of twine Akko had tied around one of the bars. "And I'm the only Japanese girl here. Of course they all know me."

"Thought you were Vietnamese." Amanda dusted a bit of dirt transfer off her pants and patted Chariot loudly on the back, ruffling the flaxen mane with an affectionate hand.

"Shut up."

A pause.

"She likes you."

Normally Akko would have argued, since somebody being nice didn't necessarily mean that they  _liked_  her in that way, but Noelle was different and had made it pretty obvious a couple of years ago. "I know," she said, closing Chariot's stall door behind Amanda. "She asked me out once."

Amanda's dark red eyebrows stitched together as she studied Akko's very neutral expression. "And you said no?"

"Well, yeah." Akko's eyes narrowed in confusion. She slipped a hand into her pocket and fished out a peppermint, offering it to Chariot's greedy, waiting lips. "I didn't like her like that."

"But she's blonde."

Where was Amanda going with this? Akko brushed her wet palm against her equally wet jeans and frowned, cocking her head to the side as she stared into her friend's genuinely confused eyes. "So?"

"Diana's blonde."

Akko latched the door to the stall, ignoring Chariot's muzzle prodding for additional peppermints, and turned to her friend with her hands shoved deep into her jacket pockets. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"Well." Amanda shifted her weight to one very dirty paddock boot, running a hand through her messy red hair. There was a bit of hay jutting out from the side and Akko unconsciously reached up to pull it out. "Thanks," Amanda muttered before adding, "And you're clearly into blondes. Right?"

"I mean, I—" Akko felt her face contorting with confusion. "I like her hair and all, it's really nice, but I don't think that's why I like Diana and I don't think that's why I should have liked Noelle."

Amanda glanced around, finding the stack of hay bales in front of Chariot's stall and plopping down. Akko hesitated—she felt bad relaxing when there was so much to do, but then again Sucy was leaning against Mushroom's stall with a very far-off look in her eyes as though she'd been there for a while—before taking a seat next to Amanda.

"Can I ask you something, then?" Amanda started. Akko had an idea what that question was, but she simply nodded and let Amanda finish anyway. "What do you like about Diana?" She paused before adding, "I mean, she's gorgeous and all, and I'm not saying she's a bad person, but she's just… I don't know, there's a lot about her that seems very hard to like."

It was a strange question, though a valid one, and one that Akko honestly hadn't thought too hard about before. Liking Diana had just come naturally. It was as simple as a steady breeze, barely noticeable at first, which had ramped up into a gale force wind that she couldn't ignore. She had fallen in love with Diana for who she was as a whole—for all the quirks and habits, both great and small—and it had happened in a way that Akko couldn't even pinpoint  _when_  she fell in love. Looking back on it was like piecing together a puzzle that had already been completed. She knew the outcome, she knew what everything looked like, and everything made so much sense that it was hard to separate.

"I don't think she's hard to like," Akko said at last, cupping her chin with her palm in thought. She knew that Amanda was looking for her to say something, was looking for her to list specific examples and lay it out for her like data on a spreadsheet. But Akko couldn't do that for her, and so she simplified it with, "I think she's easy to love."

"Sappy," Amanda muttered with a roll of her eyes. "And you think that even after all that she did to you?"

"She didn't—" Akko stopped herself. She didn't want to make excuses for Diana. After all, what she did caused a world of pain that was otherwise unnecessary. It had hurt, it had burned, it had shredded at Akko's insides in the most merciless form of heartache she'd ever experienced. And yet Akko had taken time to think about everything-to mull over exactly  _why_  Diana had broken up with her that first time-and the conversations, both hard and easy, had led her to a point of realization that suddenly clicked into place:

"She didn't do it  _to_  me," Akko stated plainly, plucking at a bit of hay and rolling it between her fingers. "She did it  _for_  her."

"Same thing, in my book."

"Well, my book is written by another author, then." Akko flicked the hay back onto the bale, standing to brush off the back of her jeans and shuffle her paddock boots against clods of dirt on the stone floor. "Because I think it's very different." She thought to her own predicament, to the lies she'd told both Diana and her team in order to be able to compete at Internationals. She hadn't lied  _to_  them, she'd lied  _for_ her.

She met Amanda's bright green eyes with her own flashing red.

"Sometimes you have to be selfish," Akko said, ignoring the pleading eyes of her pony, desperate for another peppermint. "Because the only constant in life is yourself."

* * *

Akko stared down at her phone, at the series of text messages she had sent to Diana, and frowned.

She had messaged her girlfriend hours before from Chariot's stall, just after Amanda had left to go help Constanze get Stan situated. Back when the thought of reasons for loving Diana were still fresh in her mind, when she had time to think with her fingers threaded through Chariot's mane and the peace of her pony keeping her from the hectic world around her.

 

> _Akko 3:37_
> 
> _Hi_
> 
> _I wanted to let u know I don't like u for ur hair_
> 
> _I mean_
> 
> _I like ur hair_
> 
> _but_
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 3:38_
> 
> _I mean obv ur gorgeous_
> 
> _U know that_
> 
> _So does everyone else_
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 3:39_
> 
> _but ur so much more_
> 
> _Ur smart in ways that I can never hope to be_
> 
> _(but that's ok bc I have u to figure things out for me)_
> 
> _And ur so brave even tho u probably think ur not_
> 
> _But u've been thru so much_
> 
> _And you're such a good person_
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 3:40_
> 
> _So, brave_
> 
> _And ur kind_
> 
> _U always put me first and ur so supportive_
> 
> _(except that one time but ok that's in the past)_
> 
> _(we only go where the light touches, Simba)_
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 3:41_
> 
> _(ok sry bad Lion King joke)_
> 
> _(oof)_
> 
> _(moving on)_
> 
> _I love the way u look at Beatrix_
> 
> _and even more the way u look at me_
> 
> _I love that I can trust u with anything_
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 3:42_
> 
> _except maybe leaving u alone in my room and u not cleaning everything_
> 
> _(i like my dirty underwear in that corner tyvm)_
> 
> _and I love ur voice and ur laugh_
> 
> _even that wheeze u do when somethings esp. funny_
> 
> _(usually me)_
> 
> _and that smile u get when ur genuinely happy_
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 3:43_
> 
> _ok should I sum this up now_
> 
> _bc I feel silly_
> 
> _and uh theres more reasons but_
> 
> _maybe in person_
> 
> _when I'm feeling sappy or s/t_
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 3:44_
> 
> _but just so u know_
> 
> _for all that u are and all that I know u to be_
> 
> _I am in love with you, Diana Cavendish_
> 
>  
> 
> _Akko 3:45_
> 
> _K bye_

It had been almost three hours and Diana still hadn't responded.

Akko sat quietly at the desk in her hotel room, fingers combing through her straightened brunette hair as she turned her phone off and shoved it away. Had she upset Diana by saying all that? Maybe she hadn't worded it right. Maybe Diana was really embarrassed because Akko  _rarely_ got emotional with her—after all, she did very much rely on her actions to speak for her—and hadn't liked it at all.

Diana could be difficult to read and maybe she just didn't appreciate it.

But maybe it simply fell to the fact that she might not have had her phone on her. After all, the Hunter/Jumper gala was that evening and Diana was surely getting ready with Hannah and Barbara. Aunt Daryl was coming into town and she'd likely be meeting with her aunt. And she was most likely helping Miss Meridies with getting the banquet all set up and probably very much focused on the award she was about to receive.

She knew Diana, and being busy was the likely culprit. Still, the gnawing ache of anxiety was fresh in her chest as she glanced in the mirror to make sure she was dressed appropriately. Okaasan and Otousan were picking her up for dinner shortly and Okaasan was a little particular about what she liked Akko to wear. And so she'd chosen a white button-up, only a little wrinkled from being transported in her luggage-though Akko had tried to smooth them out with her hands-and a pair of jeans that she knew her parents wouldn't complain about.

At least she wasn't wearing an anime t-shirt. For that much, Okaasan would be grateful.

One thing she wasn't wearing was her wrist brace. She had taken it off and carefully placed it back in her luggage, where the prying eyes of Okaasan would be least likely to notice it. She ran her fingers over the soft skin of her wrist, sighing deeply beneath the weight of her own lies, and glanced around the dimly lit room.

Akko usually liked to be roomed with somebody else, but she was actually quite pleased to be flying solo for once. If only for the whirlwind of clothing that had already flown around the room, the fact that she could jam to loud K-pop while she was getting ready, and the, uh, private time she had taken before getting in the shower.

But now her parents were going to be there any moment to take her to dinner and the sudden realization that they would likely  _see_ the mess she had caused within the three hours of being checked into the hotel made her even more anxious than her messages to Diana. And so that's what she was doing when the knock came on her door: desperately grabbing dirty clothes and stuffing them behind her luggage in the hopes that her parents wouldn't comment on how filthy she was (not like they didn't already  _know,_ but…)

She straightened up, running her palms self-consciously one more time over her wrinkled shirt before stepping to the door. She hadn't seen her parents in months, not since leaving them at the airport in Kyoto to head to Luna Nova, and she was both excited and nervous to spend time with them again. Or, well, she would be, until Okaasan resumed her trademark motherly nagging and Otousan asked hard questions about boys and school. Both of which she wasn't interested in.

"Coming," she called out in Japanese.

When she opened the door, she expected to see her parents: Okaasan with her bright and over-exaggerated grin, Otousan with the barely hidden smile ghosting across a face that betrayed his struggling neutrality.

But it wasn't them, at all.

It was Diana.

Akko blinked in confusion, her hand freezing on the edge of the heavy hotel room door as she stared into bright blue eyes rimmed with exhaustion. At blonde hair that was a little tangled and a little wavier than usual. At clothing that was surprisingly laid back for a girl who was usually very particular about what she wore in public.

At the hesitant smile that spread across the girl's face. A smile that said: I'm here, is that alright?

And it was alright. It was so alright. Thoughts of her parents washed away and there was only Diana, only the girl in front of her—the girl who very much should not have been—with a spark of love in her eyes and a bag over her shoulder.

"Hi," was all Akko could think to say. It came out in a choked whisper. "What… what are you doing here?"

There were a lot of questions Akko wanted to ask. Like: why wasn't she at the gala? How did she get to Scotland? Why didn't she tell Akko she was coming? She held them all back, her breath hitching with the confusion and surprise of the entire situation.

The corner of Diana's pale lips flicked up, her body seeming to sigh into Akko's acknowledgment, and she glanced down at the phone in her hand and lifted it slightly.

"There are a lot of reasons why I love you, too," Diana murmured. Her voice was quiet and husky with exhaustion. Cool blue eyes flickered back up to meet Akko's as she stepped forward. Her breath was warm against Akko's cheeks but her words were the spark that ignited the fire. "But I don't know how to tell you, so I think this will do," she said, her eyes falling onto Akko's lips as she leaned in and captured them.

Diana didn't have to speak them because the reasons flowed from her lips, quiet and soft and sweet, and Akko sank into the kiss, drowned in the girl who had suddenly appeared before her—in many ways, if she was being honest—and let herself forget the suffocating world around her.

Until a very clear, very surprised voice echoed from somewhere  _far_ too close for Akko's comfort:

" _Atsuko?!_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um... i'll try not to make you wait for 52! love you guyyyyys sorry again for the wait.


	52. A Blade of Grass

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

Modern Psychology, 9th ed.

Diana stared at the textbook that lay on the floor next to her bed. It was brand new, though the corner of the cover and the pages were stained and softened from some liquid being spilled on it at some point. It wasn't hers, obviously, as the only Psychology class she had taken was a Gen Ed in the first semester of her freshman year. Besides, she most certainly wouldn't leave such an expensive textbook lying on the ground and even  _more_ than that she would never spill liquid on any piece of literature.

She knew immediately whose it was.

It must have fallen out of Akko's bag when she'd left early that morning to get ready for Scotland. Diana picked up the textbook and sat at the edge of her bed, the pads of her fingers running slowly over the slightly bent edges of the cover, over the thin pages that were stained and swollen at the top.

There was a single page marked with what looked like a price tag from new clothing. Curious, Diana thumbed the text open, listening to the hardened, stained pages crinkle as they separated. Akko clearly hadn't opened this book in quite some time. That much was evident.

The page that fell open was covered in doodles, in Akko's loopy, girly handwriting, in phrases highlighted in bright pink. On the right side was a large triangle in which Akko had drawn a slightly off-kilter arrow pointing to the center words:

_CONSUMMATE_

At first Diana wanted to scold Akko for writing in her textbook. After all, it was borrowed property from Luna Nova, and a brand new edition at that. The girl would likely be charged for the condition she returned the book in. She was about to close the book to put in her bag when her eyes caught the first line of highlighted text.

_STERNBERG'S TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE_

Psychology did not interest Diana. She cared little about the minds of people and much less about outdated theories of behavioral science that had since been disproven. But Akko had this page marked, had highlighted extensively, had scribbled in the margins words and thoughts, and so her curiosity got the best of her and she started reading.

_The three components of love, according to Sternberg's triangular theory, are as follows: intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment._

Akko had highlighted key phrases:

 _Passion_ \- with a check mark.

_physical arousal_

_emotional stimulation_

_strong romantic feeling for someone_

_Intimacy_ \- with a check mark.

_Feelings of closeness and attachment_

_At ease_

_Personal and private bond_

_Commitment_ \- with a check mark.

_Conscious decision to stick with one another_

_Loyalty_

_Work hard for mutual benefits_

_The strength of the bond and amount of love depends these three factors. As such, these components are necessary for a relationship to develop sustainable love._

Akko had scrawled on the side of the page:  _we are sustainable_

_While consummate love is one of the most difficult types of loves to maintain and derives from each partner working to actively embody the three components of love. Couples exhibiting this type of love are able to overcome hardships and obstacles throughout their relationship, given that passion, intimacy, and commitment outweigh the alternative options._

And beneath everything, in a bit of blank space at the bottom of the page, Akko had written:

_I love her_

Diana blinked. Narrowed her eyes. Her finger trailed over the other girl's neat handwriting as she glanced up, peered through the window that overlooked Luna Nova grounds that were brown and damp with winter. Her mind traveled to the hidden grove that they'd spent the day in. To Akko sitting close at her side, to the comforting sound of rustling water and the content snorts of Beatrix as she grazed. Akko had been buried deep in a textbook and was writing something in it—Diana had assumed doodling, at the time—to which Diana had scolded:

"You shouldn't be drawing in a textbook."

Akko had lifted her gaze and narrowed her bright red eyes. "Why?" she'd asked, followed by, "It's my book, anyway. And, besides, I'm not  _drawing_  in it."

"Then what are you doing?" Diana remembered that she had leaned over, shuddering at the feeling of her own shoulder pressing against Akko's as she'd tried to see what the other girl was doing.

Akko had frowned and pulled the book away, shielding it by closing the cover over the back of her hand. "It's private," she'd murmured, her cheeks turning the color of a rose as she looked down. "I'm just, uh, studying. Writing thoughts while I read, you know?"

Diana had rolled her eyes because, at the time, she'd thought that Akko was simply embarrassed about being caught doodling in her textbook. She had gone back to studying her own material—Equine Nutrition, she recalled effortlessly—when the feeling of Akko's eyes on her tugged her attention away once more.

Akko's hand had frozen inside the partially open book, her pen limp in her hand but still resting against the waxed pages. Diana had glanced at the cover.

Modern Psychology, 9th ed.

The brunette's crimson eyes were locked on the side of Diana's face and, as their eyes met, they softened in a way that Diana had never seen. There was something deeper within that stare, something behind the flickering eyes that seemed to burn into Diana's. One of Akko's hands had fallen from her book, her fingers reaching across the blanket to float over Diana's hand with a ghost of a touch that made her shudder.

Akko's lips had parted slightly, almost as though she wanted to say something, but instead she had taken Diana's hand into her own and squeezed and Diana had squeezed back, confused, and asked, "Is everything alright, Akko?"

Akko had taken a moment to reply. She'd drawn her lips into a thin line that, after a moment, tilted into a smile that was almost like a sigh, if it could be described as that, because every muscle in her face seemed to relax as her eyes held Diana's.

"Yes," she'd said, a breath of a whisper. "Everything is perfect."

Diana had nodded in acknowledgment, had offered her own small smile before returning to her studies, before going back to enjoying the sounds of birds singing in the branches above and grass ripping between Beatrix's teeth. Back to the comfort and warmth of the girl next to her, who had quietly returned to whatever she had been doing moments before.

But, now, as she turned to look back at the open book in her arms, at the scrawl of words alongside text, at the tiny blade of grass that was stuck in the spine and had left a streak of green in the pages, Diana realized that a moment she had deemed insignificant had been so much  _more_.

And, for once, Akko had not acted on impulse. No, she had reasoned—with herself, with the knowledge that was presented with her—and had come to a decision based on the sum of her thoughts.

For some reason, it meant more to Diana. It meant more that Akko had analyzed, had considered the options and the circumstances surrounding them and a relationship that Diana had attempted to self-sabotage. It meant more to her that Akko had chosen her—a choice that could have been made in an entirely different direction—and had kept it to herself until Diana was ready.

The small bit of grass shouldn't have meant much. It just so happened to get stuck there and Akko either hadn't noticed or hadn't cared. And Diana wasn't the type to get sentimental. She wasn't the type to keep objects, especially something so degradable and seemingly pointless, but as she ran her fingers over Akko's handwriting, she felt her hand traveling, felt her breath lodging in her throat.

Diana plucked the blade of grass out from Akko's textbook, ran it gently between her fingers. She opened the small leather-bound journal she kept beside her lamp and slid the grass inside, nestling it between her last entry and the next blank page before picking up her own fountain pen. In her own tidy, slightly tilted penmanship, she scrawled three words in the middle of the page:

_I love her._

* * *

_Chloe 10:15_

_Be there in 5_

The navy gown she had chosen for the gala was still hanging on the back of her closet door, altered and ready for an occasion that she would not be attending. Diana's gaze ran over the pattern of lace at the waist, at the soft material that had been set to drape against her skin that evening, and sighed at the very thought of what she was doing. It was not like her to skip such an important event, especially one in which she was receiving the top honors, but it was a choice she had made after weighing her options and a choice that had, unfortunately, come with consequences.

"You will be riding without stirrups for the next month," Miss Meridies had hissed. The taller woman had risen from behind her desk, her thin lips set into a stern frown as she eyed Diana as though her student was nothing more than manure stuck to the bottom of freshly polished boots. "And I will certainly not be making any excuses for you when anyone asks where you are. This is not like you, Diana. You know the importance of this gala to Luna Nova—"

Diana had squeezed her eyes shut and taken a deep breath before interjecting. "I am aware," she said, unwilling to let her instructor continue in her rant. Miss Meridies would simply spiral until she came up with more punishments if she was given the opportunity. "And I understand that my decision will affect the evening. My aunt will be accepting the reward in my place."

Her conversation with Aunt Daryl had been much easier than the one with Miss Meridies. After all, it came easy for her former guardian to accept the victories of others, especially Diana. She hadn't even asked for an excuse, not like Miss Meridies, whose intensity ran amok when she was angry—

"And why, may I ask," Miss Meridies pressed her hand to her forehead as though she had a severe headache, "have you and Miss England decided to miss an occasion such as this? Please, humor me as to what could possibly be more important than accepting the top award in the name of your university?"

It was a question Diana knew would come, a question in which responses had skipped through her brain for the better part of the week. In all honesty, there was little that Miss Meridies would have accepted as more important than the award ceremony. A death in the nuclear family, perhaps, though Diana had no siblings nor parents that could even pass. What could she possibly say besides the truth—the truth being Akko Kagari.

After all, Diana had done a poor job thus far of showing Akko just how important she was. It was time for her to step up, time for her to show her girlfriend that she was willing to make sacrifices, that she was capable of putting the other girl first instead of considering only her own feelings.

"The International Mounted Games competition is this weekend," Diana said, tilting her chin up a bit for emphasis as she gazed into her instructor's piercing eyes. "Akko has chosen to ride and I'd like to be there to support her. Hannah is attending as well to watch Amanda."

Diana had expected to be scolded, had expected to receive a rush of reasons as to why she was shirking her responsibilities in favor of attending a sports competition that she wasn't even a member of. But as she stood, awaiting the onslaught of scolding that she had anticipated, the seconds slowly ticked away and there was still… nothing.

Miss Meridies let out a long, audible sigh. She lowered her hand to her desk, her index finger tracing over a bit of dust that had gathered next to her calendar, and the anger and disappointment in her eyes slowly fell away to understanding.

"I see." Her voice was lower, softer. Diana watched her gaze trail to a framed picture on the corner of her desk: Miss Callistis, the famed Chariot du Nord, soaring over a massive triple bar on the lean and modest Shiny Rod. "You must think very highly of Miss Kagari if you're willing to step away from an important evening of your own in exchange for watching her."

Diana rolled her jaw and nodded. She was quite sure Miss Meridies knew that she and Akko were a couple—after all, they hadn't exactly been discreet about it—though she wasn't about to point that fact out to her elder. She said nothing, choosing instead to fold her hands behind her back and wait.

"Well." A forced half-smile tugged at the older woman's pale lips. "You are an adult and are fully capable of making your own decisions." She lifted her gaze, met Diana's eyes once more. "And I trust that both you and Miss England have given this quite some thought. Safe travels, then."

"Thank you."

Miss Meridies had turned away, her attention switched to the spring show schedule that adorned the wall behind her desk. A hint to leave, which Diana graciously took, though before she stepped from the office, her instructor added one final comment:

"Give Miss Kagari my best," she had said. "And best of luck to the team."

Diana had thought that she might second guess her decision, that she might regret choosing Akko over the Hunter/Jumper gala. But she didn't. Not in the least. No, her mind was set, and all she could think about was getting to Akko, was being there for the person that meant the most to her.

" _Diana!_  Your ex-cunt is here!" Barbara's voice shrilled from downstairs.

With a final glance at the dress, Diana tossed her canvas overnight bag over her shoulder and gently closed the door to her room behind her. "She may be that," she grumbled as she walked down the stairs, "though she is doing quite the favor for Hannah and I, so I would prefer it if you simply called her Chloe."

"Yeah, yeah," Barbara mumbled, sinking back into the sofa and thumbing the page of one of her romance novels. "Whatever you say. Han _nah_! Hurry up. Your hair looks fine and six outfits is plenty for two days!"

Hannah grunted as she threw her bedroom door open, lugging a large suitcase behind her as she grunted an acknowledgment at Barbara. "You know I like to have options," she said, leveling her black-haired roommate with a pointed glare. "And you're one to talk. You over pack way more than me. Wait—is that what you're wearing?"

It took a moment for Diana to realize Hannah was speaking to her. She blinked, glancing down at her own attire: her baggy grey sweatpants, an old 2014 Hunter/Jumper Championship t-shirt that showed through her unzipped jacket. It was out of the ordinary, sure, but she didn't see any point in wearing nice clothing for a long, chartered flight to Scotland.

Akko was rubbing off on her. That much was certain.

"I'm not trying to impress anybody," Diana stated, straightening her back with an air of dignity and brushing her hair behind her ear. "Besides, it's a long flight."

"It's an hour and a half," Hannah countered. "You're just trying to look like someone pulled you out of the bin because it's Chloe."

"I am not—" Diana sucked in air and turned away, determined not to amuse Hannah any further than her auburn-haired friend already was. "Sod off, Han. I can wear what I please. We're flying, not putting on a show for some wealthy politicians."

A second knock followed the first: delicate, tentative, and familiar in a way that Diana had come to recognize in the years of Chloe's sporadic arrivals.

"It'll be fine," Diana reassured, placing a hand on Diana's shoulder and offering a small squeeze. "She's doing you a huge favor. If there was bad blood, she would have refused."

"It's still…" Diana eyed the door, her hand frozen mid-reach as she searched her mind for the appropriate word. Awkward? Well, yes, obviously. It was her ex-girlfriend, someone who she had spent the better part of eight months caught in the midst of unwanted drama. Scary? Well, no, not really. Not upsetting, either. It was more…

"Unpredictable," Diana finished. And, without another word—because it would have been highly inappropriate to keep Chloe waiting any longer—she seized the door handle and tugged it open.

She hadn't known what to expect, really. Before, there'd been a variety of emotions she'd been unable to control. Sadness had been the first, followed closely be anger, resentment, and ultimately guilt—for what, she didn't quite know, but it was there all the same. Then came the anxiety, the dread, the stress. And, when Akko had come along, the annoyance coupled with the fear of the unexpected. The fear of retaliation.

But, now, as the door opened and the familiar girl stood on her threshold, straightened brown hair falling in silken waves over one shoulder in a way that used to make Diana want to run her fingers through it. With glimmering brown eyes filled with warmth instead of malice, eyes that Diana had once found herself lost in. With full lips that once begged to be kissed, lips that Diana had found irresistible at best. She had expected to feel a variety of things, though when the moment ultimately came, she felt…

Nothing.

The girl before her drew no emotion. She was nothing more than a placeholder of someone who she had once loved, a familiar face that was now nothing more than a stranger.

And so Diana felt nothing. Relief flooded through her body, warmed her blood in a way that only Akko had been capable of as of late. It was the warmth of comfort, the warmth of knowing that everything was going to be alright.

"Hey," Chloe said, breaking a silence Diana hadn't even noticed with a soft voice and the quirk of a lopsided smile. Her French accent, one that Diana had once been so enamored with, lilted into her words in a sound as natural as the whisper of wind through barren branches.

Her eyes flitted between Diana and Hannah. "Are you two ready?"

Diana nodded, tightening her fist around the strap of her overnight bag as she tensed her jaw in newfound confidence. "Yes."

"Yup," Hannah echoed from behind her. "Let's go. Barb, you'll take good care of Biscuit, won't you?"

Barbara glanced down at the little calico kitten who was currently chasing a twist tie through the kitchen. The kitten rolled over onto her back, batting her paws into the air as she stared at the four girls almost as though she knew she was the topic of conversation. "Is that a real question?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at Hannah. "She'll be better company than the both of you combined."

"Charming," Diana muttered. "Enjoy."

"Well, alright, then." Chloe's smile hesitantly grew as she nodded in the direction of her black BMW—one Diana didn't recognize, it must have been either new or borrowed from her father's fleet—and offered a hand to help with one of Hannah's many bags. "Let's get you two lovebirds off to see those girls of yours, on y va?"

* * *

"Miss Cavendish."

It had been a long time since Diana had seen Ambassador Simoneau and, honestly, she had no idea if he was even privy to the events that had taken place between herself and his daughter. She doubted Chloe would have told him—after all, he didn't even know they were  _together_ —and so she chose to plaster on a bureaucratic smile and let the older man take her fingers delicately into his hands.

"It is wonderful to see you again," he greeted, placing a gentle kiss to each of her cheeks with the corners of his lips. It was a custom that Diana detested, though out of respect she gently brushed her own against the rough whiskers of his jawline. He smelled of aftershave and brand new tweed and she struggled not to be visibly grateful when he stepped back. "And Miss England, as well. A pleasure. Glasgow, is it?" He turned to eye the outlandishly large charter jet that sat still on the black top, his two black-suited escorts standing idly by the stairs that led into the cabin. "I do have business there, as well. May I ask how long your visit will be? I'm afraid I'll be returning in the morning to attend a meeting with Madame May. Dear, beloved President Trump tweeted a rather questionable statement last night regarding—"

"Papa," Chloe interrupted, her eyes narrowing as she shot her father a playful scold of a look. "Politics truly are a bore to the general public."

Diana, in fact, did not find politics a bore. The topic was absolutely integral to the well-being of society and something she kept up with religiously—and Chloe knew this about her. Though, instead of taking her statement personally, she chose to believe it was directed at Hannah, who was watching a cargo plane take off down the runway nearby with glazed eyes and an aura of impatience.

"Right," Ambassador Simoneau agreed. He chuckled and let his lips slide into a smile that very much resembled Chloe's. "My apologies," he added, though he covered his hand and whispered, "Though between you and me, that man is surely going to cause—"

"Papa!"

Diana placed her fingers against her lips and let out a small giggle. She'd always had a level of respect for Ambassador Simoneau. He was goofy, likable, and—though his humor was questionable at times—friendly and genuine. "We'll make our own arrangements for our return," Diana replied, cutting off any further opportunity for politics and scolds from Chloe. Besides, getting to the competition was the more urgent task. A return flight, even if it did interfere with any upcoming tasks during the week, would be lesser so. She shifted her overnight back on her shoulder, glancing at Chloe, who had been uncharacteristically quiet during the drive and now stood eyeing her father as though he was a rambunctious child. "I sincerely appreciate you making room for the two of us on your flight."

"Well, we were planning on flying out a bit later this evening," Ambassador Simoneau admitted. "Though Chloe was very convincing in her argument to leave early. There are some very nice restaurants in Glasgow. And pubs, too. I wouldn't mind a few pints before meeting with Madame May. She can be—"

A glare from Chloe shut him up and he ended his speech with a chortle, running a hand over the hint of a beer gut as though he'd said something incredibly amusing.

Diana could  _feel_  the cringe Hannah was making behind her. Chloe had turned her eyes down, a dark blush creeping into her cheeks as she shuffled her feet against the slick black pavement. It was strange, being so close to a girl that she used to be intimate with. And even stranger that Chloe wasn't taking shots at her, wasn't begging, wasn't doing  _anything_  that she had done over the past couple of months.

The jet was smaller than Diana would have imagined. It looked larger from the outside, but the cabin sat only eight at the most with large, single seats lining a narrow row to the rear of the aircraft. Hannah's luggage took up one whole chair on its own, earning a pointed glare from Chloe, who said nothing as she settled down in the seat across the row from Diana.

"Do you still hate the take-off?"

It was the first thing that Chloe had directed straight to her and, for a moment, Diana was confused. She blinked back at the other girl, letting a few awkward seconds settle between them before hesitantly answering. "Yes. I do."

"Well." Chloe pursed her lips, turning her hand over on her armrest and presenting her palm. "If you need it."

It was a passive offer, one that Diana could tell held no meaning other than a minor comfort, though it made her feel anxious nonetheless. And she was determined not to take Chloe up on her offer, though when the jet burst into speed and the familiar, nauseating feeling of her organs crushing against her spine made her reach out unconsciously and grab the hand that had been waiting.

She threaded her fingers through Chloe's and tightened her grip, squeezed her eyes shut, and took a deep breath. The fingers between her own were long and thin, the palm so soft and warm. Chloe's hand was different than Akko's shorter but dexterous fingers, the hardened callouses that marred the tops of her palms from years of riding.

Chloe's hand was delicate and smooth. It felt good in Diana's own, but good in the way that a fond memory ghosts through the mind and brings forth a smile of reminiscence.

But it was not Akko's.

It was not home.

And as soon as the jet was airborne and the sinking pit of the rapid climb had left Diana's gut, she brought her hand back to her own lap and let out a long sigh. Her fingers turned over to press her nails into her palms, almost as though willing the feeling of her ex-girlfriend's touch away, but it still lingered. It would always linger. And maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. Chloe was the wrong before the right. She was merely a stepping stone, one that Diana would always glance back from shore and see and remember how it carried her where she ended up. It was an experience that had not failed her but instead brought her to where she was supposed to be all along.

They were airborne for half an hour, the only sounds being Ambassador Simoneau's chortle from a few rows ahead and the loud drone of the engine, when Chloe finally spoke.

"Diana?"

Diana had fallen into thoughts—daydreams, really—of surprising Akko at her competition. Her mind had been filled with the brilliant smile her girlfriend would flash, at that first kiss of both shock and excitement. Chloe's voice broke her train of thought and, though not entirely unwelcome, dissipated all images of Akko, of Chariot, of soft lips against her own.

"Yes?" She cocked her head to the side in an effort to loosen her stiff neck before turning toward the brunette.

"Do you mind if I… apologize?" She added a sheepish smile, looking down at her hands fidgeting around her seatbelt as she chuckled to herself before adding, "Now that I have you 30,000 feet in the air and you can't exactly shut me down."

Diana rolled her eyes, though she couldn't help but crack a hesitant smile. "And what would you like to apologize for?"

Diana had a laundry list: cheating, gaslighting, texting and calling inappropriately, treating Akko poorly, engaging Andrew in her horrible behaviors, being a bitch in general. But she wanted to hear it all from Chloe. She wanted the other girl to take responsibility for her own actions, not just those handed to her.

"Everything," Chloe said. Her voice was soft, shaky. Nervous. She curled her index finger around the metal of her seat buckle and squeezed. "I've been a horrible person. I realize that my actions are irreversible and I don't expect forgiveness or kindness from you. I see how happy you are with the girl you're with now and I feel terrible for interfering. I was just… I don't know, jealous? I was selfish in my actions and I know I ruined us all on my own but it still hurt seeing you smiling in that way you do at somebody else. I just…"

The recent fear of Akko and Avery engulfed Diana's mind and she felt her eyes glaze over, felt the sudden understanding of seeing someone she loved—even when she was the one who pushed her away—potentially involved with someone else. It had hurt, it had burned, it had filled her insides with a crushing reality of knowing she had let her  _go_.

The next words out of Diana surprised even her. After all, Chloe  _had_  been horrible. She had been vindictive and manipulative, she had been cruel and downright awful.

But, at one point, so had Diana.

And so, with her mouth opening and uttering something that sounded foreign even to her, she found Chloe's searching brown eyes and said, "I forgive you."

* * *

When her phone vibrated for the first time, Diana was unconcerned. Of course she would have an e-mail or a message after the flight. After all, it was inevitable.

But when the vibrating continued, buzzing relentlessly in the pocket of her sweatpants, the anxiety of something potentially being wrong rose thick and heavy in her throat. Her first thought was Akko: had something happened? Had she hurt her wrist? And then Aunt Daryl. What if her travel had gone poorly? Or if she couldn't make the gala at all?

A dozen stressful scenarios flew through her mind before she could unlock her phone.

"Someone's popular," Hannah muttered as she lugged her bags into the boot of Ambassador Simoneau's oversized black SUV. She pulled her own phone out of her pocket and flicked the screen on, frowning. "Bloody hell, Amanda hasn't even texted me yet today. Oh—wait. I lied. She did. ' _Ay boo whatchu do_?'," she read mockingly. She shook her head and laughed.

But Diana wasn't listening. She was staring down at the messages that were still flooding across her screen. Messages that had come in during the flight when she couldn't receive them.

> _Akko 18:01_
> 
> _Hi_
> 
> _I wanted to let u know that I don't like u for ur hair_
> 
> _I mean_
> 
> _I like ur hair_
> 
> _But_
> 
> _I mean obv ur gorgeous_
> 
> _U know that_
> 
> _So does everyone else_
> 
> _but ur so much more_
> 
> _Ur smart in ways that I can never hope to be_
> 
> _(but that's ok bc I have u to figure things out for me)_
> 
> _And ur so brave even tho u probably think ur not_
> 
> _But u've been thru so much_
> 
> _And you're such a good person_
> 
> _So, brave_
> 
> _And ur kind_
> 
> _U always put me first and ur so supportive_
> 
> _(except that one time but ok that's in the past)_
> 
> _(we only go where the light touches, Simba)_

Diana chuckled, though her face was burning red.

> _(ok sry bad Lion King joke)_
> 
> _(oof)_
> 
> _(moving on)_
> 
> _I love the way u look at Beatrix_
> 
> _and even more the way u look at me_
> 
> _I love that I can trust u with anything_
> 
> _Except maybe leaving u alone in my room and u not cleaning everything_
> 
> _(i like my dirty underwear in that corner tyvm)_
> 
> _and I love ur voice and ur laugh_
> 
> _even that wheeze u do when somethings esp. funny_
> 
> _(usually me)_
> 
> _and that smile you get when ur genuinely happy_

She was smiling like that now. She had felt the corners of her lips turn up into the fire of her cheeks as she read on.

> _ok should I sum this up now_
> 
> _bc I feel silly_
> 
> _and uh theres more reasons but_
> 
> _maybe in person_
> 
> _when I'm feeling sappy or s/t_
> 
> _but just so u know_
> 
> _for all that u are and all that I know u to be_
> 
> _I am in love with you, Diana Cavendish_
> 
> _K bye_

She snapped her phone off, mostly because Hannah was trying to read over her shoulder, and tried desperately to cover the crimson fire of her cheeks behind the palm of her hand.

"Are you serious?" Hannah exclaimed, her eyebrows scrunching together as she flopped back into her own seat with her hand still gripping the back of Diana's. "Akko sends you the most lovey-dovey shit on the planet and I get,  _'Ay boo whatchu do_ '? I swear, that girl is getting lit into as soon as I get to that hotel room—"

But Diana wasn't paying attention. A warm fire had spread through her insides, engulfing every molecule of her body as she closed her eyes and thought about Akko. About the teeth that had probably closed around the other girl's bottom lip as she thought of what to say, of what to send. She was not generally emotional as it was—Akko was very neutral and easy-going, one of Diana's favorite traits—and for her to send something that even half-resembled a love letter written to the singer of a boy band was something to behold.

And so by the time she made it to the hotel that Akko was staying at, by the time she had walked on numb legs to the room the receptionist had provided and knocked on the door, she had already prepared what she wanted to say back. She had run the words through her mind on repeat as she anxiously made her way to the girl she loved, to the arms she wanted to find herself in… that night, and forever.

But as Akko opened the door, clean and ridiculously attractive in a white button-up that Diana had never seen her wear, all thoughts of what Diana had planned to say slipped away like a shadow at dusk. Instead, all she could think to do was smile. Smile because Akko was so pretty, because she had called out in Japanese (which Diana always loved to hear), because Akko was  _there_ , right in front of her.

She shifted her bag nervously on her shoulder.

"Hi," Akko murmured, her eyes narrowing in confusion. "What… what are you doing here?"

The familiar voice of the girl she loved warmed her, filled her with comfort and reassurance. She looked down at the phone in her hand, the phone that held all the messages she had received from Akko when she got off her flight, the messages that had made Diana melt beneath the weight of her own throbbing love.

She thought of the single blade of grass, pressed first between Akko's admission in her Psychology textbook and now with her own in her private journal, and felt herself smile.

And, finally, she spoke. It wasn't what she had planned, but her lips formed words on their own, brought forth speech from muscle memory and the desire to say something about everything.

"There are a lot of reasons why I love you, too," Diana heard herself say. She swallowed hard, pushing her phone back into the pocket of her sweatpants as she stepped toward the bewildered girl. She could smell jasmine and lavender, the fresh scents of Akko's shampoo and facewash, and her body relaxed into the familiarity. "But I don't know how to tell you—" Not at that moment, anyway, as she had completely forgotten everything, "—so I think this will do."

She moved forward on impulse, felt soft lips tingling against her own in the faint question of a kiss. It lasted only a moment before Akko was pressing back, was sighing into a kiss filled with fervor, filled with words that didn't  _need_  to be said, filled with….

Well, filled with love.

But the moment didn't last, like all of their moments didn't last, because life was life and had a very inconvenient way of reminding them.

" _Atsuko?!_ "

Except when Diana broke away—mostly because Akko's hands had found her chest and pushed her forcefully away—and her blue eyes met the small Japanese woman standing in the hallway, there was no  _doubt_  in her mind it was Akko's mother.

And Diana realized the weight of that very inconvenience was one that she was in no way prepared for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi I'm alive I promise


	53. The Firefly in the Jar

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

Akko's eyes were burning and puffy from crying. She stared with blurred vision at the tiny words on page 362 of  _Modern Psychology, 9_ _th_ _ed_ , vaguely aware but also not caring about the tears that dripped from the corners of her eyes and smeared the text's ink with her own small, circular craters of sadness.

Diana was gone. That was all she could think about. With every breath, with every aching moment that she was awake and alive, all she could process was that  _Diana was gone._

Lotte had checked on her not long ago. She'd brought her a cup of green tea, made just the way Akko liked it, and a peanut butter and banana sandwich. The sandwich sat uneaten at the edge of her desk where Lotte had set it and the tea had long gone cold and untouched.

Akko peered down, the words of her loved ones a haunting echo that bit like the coldest winter air and froze inside her mind on repeat:

_"We cannot stop the choices you make, but please do not involve us."_

_"I can't be with you."_

**DR. MURRAY BOWEN'S FAMILY SYSTEMS THEORY**

**The social and psychological definition of a family is that of a cohesive emotional unit that is made up of mutually agreed upon rules through interaction and culture. Each member of the family is expected to play a role that encompasses interaction that falls within the guidelines of those rules. Though the core function of the family may evolve over time and, with it, behavioral patterns, any behaviors that exist outside these rules can lead to a dysfunction within the family system.**

Akko was the dysfunction. Her fingers gripped the pages, held them tight. She could feel the page tearing a little at the spine and she loosened her grip, but still her body quivered and stiffened with both sadness and confusion.

**Family as a unit has a profound impact on each individual's emotional state of well-being—positive or negative. Likewise, the change of single individual will lead to a chain reaction within the family, ultimately affecting the emotional state and wellness of the family. Cooperation is the core function of any family: interdependence that promotes the physical, emotional, and psychological safety of each unit. However, the dissonance of a single family member will lead to an emotionally taxing environment. In most cases, this individual will take on a large portion of the family's emotional reactions.**

Her mind went back to the day that Okaasan had violated her privacy, had outed her without consent and without her even being emotionally ready for the long road ahead. Her parents had chosen to suppress all feelings toward Akko's true nature: instead, they had let all of those negative emotions roll down, down onto her shoulders, down into the grave of what was once the daughter they had wanted.

Akko had not realized the weight she was carrying, had not realized that she was the result of compounded family expectations and emotions, of the consequences of broken tradition and shattered expectations.

Not until Diana.

Not until Diana… left.

**THE EIGHT CONCEPTS OF FAMILY SYSTEMS THEORY**

**ONE: TRIANGLES**

**The most stable form of a family system is that of a triad. This offers the most effective way to shift tension, share emotion, and resolve conflict. However, during the event of a conflict without resolution, tension will continue to build and become a catalyst for a larger problem within the unit.**

**And, with the formation of a triangular system, there will inevitably be an odd person out. The two who connect more closely in value, or the "insiders" as we will refer them, will choose each other over the outlier—the "outsider".**

And that was exactly what Akko was. The outsider.

* * *

"Atsuko?!"

With the familiar tone of Okaasan's voice, the lips against her own suddenly felt numb, foreign.  _Wrong_. Akko struck out in a frenzy, her palms finding Diana's chest and sending the other girl flying backwards with a surprised grunt. She had lost herself in the moment, lost herself in Diana, and during that brief period of time had  _completely forgotten that her parents were arriving any moment._

Akko couldn't hide the guilt that flooded into a very red face as she turned slowly, inhaling a sharp breath as she let her eyes settle on Okaasan's surprised face. Okaasan had paled, almost as though she'd seen a ghost—and maybe she had, because Akko's brazen sexuality certainly did haunt her—and had frozen mid-stride in the hall as her eyes darted between both Akko and Diana.

Diana made some sort of humming noise. What it meant, Akko wasn't certain, though it sounded like a mixture of both shock and disturbed thought. Out of the corner of her eye, Akko could see her desperately trying to preen her wild hair. As someone who prided herself on her poise and presence, Diana had clearly found herself trapped in frenzied embarrassment with her current appearance.

But Akko ignored her. No, Diana may have been her entire world view moments ago, but now there was nothing but the stare Okaasan was giving her and the confusion that had etched across Otousan's face as he rounded the corner and found himself caught in the middle of the Cold War of Kagari.

"O-Okasaan," Akko finally managed to sputter, feeling every last bit of her usual stoicism pooling into a useless puddle on the brazenly obnoxious hotel hall carpet. She mustered what she hoped was a halfway poised bow as she let her eyes drift to the frilled collar of Okaasan's shirt, feeling her nostrils flare in nervous anxiety.

Otousan glanced between the three women, dark eyebrows stitching in confusion. Though the air was thick with nervous energy, he simply rolled his shoulders in a shrug and flashed a warm smile at both Akko and Diana. "Atsuko. It's wonderful to see you." He stepped to Okaasan's side, glancing curiously at his flustered and rather annoyed looking wife before addressing Akko once more. "And who is—"

"Sumimasen," Akko blurted, bowing once again before taking a meek step backwards. She shot a worried look at Diana, who looked as though she would rather be involved in a deep and emotional conversation with Amanda than standing where she was at that very moment. "This is—this is, uh—my, uh—"

The blonde cleared her throat, taking a bold step forward and extending her hand with what Akko read as forced confidence. "Diana Cavendish," she stated, blue eyes finding the bright red of Otousan's as she tensed her jaw and stiffened her arm.

" _Yes!"_ Akko said quickly, feeling the muscles of her face twisting wildly as she tried to recover. "This is my Diana Cavendish! I mean, uh, Diana! Just Diana. Diana Cavendish."

Otousan chuckled, taking Diana's offered hand and bowing respectfully.

And with this came the panicked realization that Diana did not know Japanese customs and, desperately wanting her to make a good first impression with at least Otousan, she furiously whispered " _Bow_!" out of the corner of her mouth.

Leading Diana to make a startled jolt of a bow that was far too deep, far too awkward, and so unnatural that Akko cringed and covered her face with her palm.

" _Never bow again_ ," she groaned, hoping against all hope that her parents wouldn't get upset.

But Otousan did nothing but laugh again, letting his hand linger in Diana's for a moment before finally stepping back to Okaasan's side. "A pleasure, Atsuko's Diana Cavendish."

Okaasan merely bowed. A stilted, hesitant bow that left Akko reeling with panic all over again. Her eyes ran over Diana's attire with a stare that was very much judgmental. She said nothing.

"Is Diana-san to join?" Otousan asked.

Akko just stared. Blinked. "Join what?"

"For our meal," Otousan said, cocking his head to the side in the same confused, questioning way that Akko had learned to copy on the daily.

Okaasan's dark eyes narrowed as she turned to Otousan, the corners of her mouth wrinkling with a frown. " _We made reservations for only three_ ," she mumbled in Japanese.

Akko felt her anger flare. Okaasan, though not as fluent as Akko or her world-traveling father, knew plenty of English to communicate effectively in a predominantly English speaking society. And, yet, here, she chose Japanese. Not out of nature, not out of comfort, but out of complete disrespect for the British girl standing in front of them. She didn't  _want_  Diana to hear her disapproval, and so she took what Akko considered the coward's way out and hid beneath the shroud of linguistics.

"I'm sure the establishment will make accommodations." His tone revealed no room for argument and Okaasan knew and, with a submissive dip of her chin, offered a whispered response that Akko couldn't quite make out.

Diana shot a panicked look at Akko. "I'm not exactly dressed for that," she whispered behind her hand, blue eyes flashing with worry. And, well, Akko couldn't disagree. She was wearing sweatpants that Akko's hands had been in numerous times and a rather old looking sweatshirt. Though Akko wasn't sure where they were going, she was  _positive_ Diana was under-dressed for the occasion.

"You look fine," Akko lied, hoping that the look on her face didn't give her away. It clearly did, because Diana's lips dipped into a deep frown.

"Diana-san," Otousan interrupted, offering a hopeful smile that Akko was very much grateful for. "Will you join us?" He checked his watch. "We're growing rather close to our reservation time."

"I'd—" Diana hesitated, glancing down at her clothing, at the bag on her shoulder that most definitely held nicer clothing. She swallowed deeply, and if Akko could see through the skin and flesh of her throat she was sure she would have  _watched_ the pride that disappeared along with it, and said, "I'd love to."

* * *

**TWO: DIFFERENTIATION OF SELF**

**Within the family unit, each person is unique in that they maintain individual personality traits and differ in their susceptibility to be influenced by others. Those with a lesser sense of self will fall victim to what is referred to "group think mentality" and are more likely to be influenced into ways of thinking that they feel are superior.**

**An individual with a stronger sense of self will be less easily influenced by others. However, the development of individual sense of self is strongly dependent on family relationships, most significantly during childhood and adolescence.**

**The emotional state of the family is strongly based on the differentiation of self of each family member. If a family is more emotionally interdependent, be it based on society or culture, the differentiation of self will be weaker.**

**The issue arises when the family is so interdependent that when an individual develops a strong differentiation of self, the family is unable to adapt and the emotional state of the family is affected negatively.**

Akko knew that she came from a traditional culture, one that changed little through the years as far as family structure. She knew that her culture was strict, was averse to change, and wasn't accepting to those who broke away. People like her. People who weren't attracted to what society was  _telling_ her to be attracted to. No, she was supposed to meet a nice Japanese man, to raise a nice Japanese family, to adhere to the traditions that had been passed down through generations.

She was not supposed to love a girl. Especially a girl from another culture entirely, someone who would break her away from the firm grasp of her family's expectations.

Her finger paused on the last line.

_**the family is unable to adapt and the emotional state of the family is affected negatively** _

She was doing nothing but damage. She was tearing her family apart, even though she didn't  _mean_ to. Even though she didn't  _want_ to.

And maybe that's why Diana had ended things. Maybe she didn't want to be with someone who was a catalyst for destruction, somebody who was bound by strict culture and unrealistic expectations. Maybe she wanted to be with someone easier, someone who came from a society that was understanding, that was accepting.

Akko had thought that Diana had complimented her in every way possible. That their relationship would be something solid, something that she could hold onto and count on in the way that she couldn't with her nuclear family.

But maybe Diana had seen it another way. Maybe Akko's differentiation of self was just like it was with her family—destructive. An outsider who caused nothing but pain.

Maybe Diana had thought she was wrong, too.

* * *

Diana was visibly uncomfortable, squirming in her chair at Akko's side as she struggled to maintain her poise and confidence in front of Okaasan and Otousan. Otousan had been engaging—after all, he was familiar with western culture and Akko had definitely gotten her easy-going attitude from him—but Okaasan had been nothing but cold and silent as she hid beneath the shadow of what she had seen.

Otousan had made reservations for what he had heard was one of the more authentic Japanese sushi restaurants in Glasgow. Having been in Europe for a few months now, Akko knew that nothing would compare to what was actually  _in_ Japan, but her parents wouldn't complain. It was supposed to be a nice evening for just the three of them, a reunion of sorts since the whole family had gathered in Glasgow for the International Mounted Games competition.

Except Diana was there and things were, well, awkward.

Very awkward.

"So, Diana-san," Otousan began after he had received his sake (which Okaasan also ordered—Diana simply got a glass of wine and Akko a Sapporo). He lifted the small ceramic cup to his mouth and took a small sip, nodding his approval. "Do you also attend Luna Nova?"

"I do," Diana replied. She swiped a strand of hair behind her ear, smiling in that charming way that Akko had come to recognize she used only for strangers or people whose respect she needed. "I'm pursuing Veterinary Sciences."

If Otousan and Okaasan were horse people, they would have immediately recognized the name Cavendish as being the most prominent Veterinary business in all of Europe and, with contention, globally. But they weren't—in most cases they couldn't tell Chariot's head from her ass, and that was being generous—and so they had little implication of the importance of the underdressed British girl sitting in front of them.

Beneath the table, Akko gently pressed her pinky finger to Diana's knee. A slight movement that wouldn't be seen by her parents. It was a fleeting contact, only to say, "You're doing fine, really," though she was completely caught off guard when Diana seized her hand and threaded their fingers together.

Akko took a sharp breath and grabbed her tallboy of Sapporo, tipping it back to take a long gulp and hopefully shield the heat that had flared into her face.

"Atsuko, do not be gluttonous," Okaasan scolded, her eyes narrowing in distaste. Akko slowly lowered her beer, frowning as she found her porcelain chopsticks and studied them  _very_ closely while Otousan continued to engage with Diana.

"So I'm assuming you ride as well?" he asked.

Diana nodded. "Hunter/Jumpers."

Akko knew very well that neither Otousan nor Okaasan knew what Hunter/Jumpers was, so she leapt in quickly with an explanation. "It's jumping," she clarified. "But doing it pretty."

Diana chuckled. It was the first sign of relaxation she had shown that night. Akko made a move to try to tug her hand away, but Diana's grip tightened. Maybe she was using Akko to ground her? Akko wasn't sure, but she was  _very_ aware of Okaasan studying every movement that each of them made.

"That's a simple way of describing it," Diana said. "Though Akko is correct."

"Atsuko," Okaasan said. Three pairs of eyes found the smaller Japanese woman, who was looking at Diana with something that could only be described as displeasure. "Her name is Atsuko."

"Everyone here calls me Akko," Akko muttered. "So—"

But where Akko wasn't about to hold her temper back, Diana was. So, with nothing more than a respectful smile and a nod, she said, "Atsuko was correct in her description."

Akko rolled her eyes and brought her beer back to her lips and drank, closing her eyes and wishing that she was somewhere,  _anywhere_ else.

* * *

Akko knew that all families had problems. Even the most perfect of families had gone through issues, had overcome and left them in the past where they belonged. But, in the Kagari's case, the problem was the past  _and_ the present because it still wasn't being addressed. It was the skeleton buried deep in their closet and that skeleton was who Akko  _was_. That skeleton was the person who had bared their true self to people who turned their heads, who locked her away, who dismissed the very possibility that she ever existed.

**THREE: NUCLEAR FAMILY EMOTIONAL PROCESS**

Akko skimmed through the text, the tears anew in her eyes as she thought about how she had failed her family. She had brought them pain, had brought them discomfort, had ruined the perfect family that they were supposed to be.

**Emotional Distance is an act of dissonance that occurs through a number of processes and factors that are present within the family unit. To avoid tension and stress, certain family members will actively ignore the source of the issue to reduce intensity of emotions. Emotional distance will inhibit the outsider's differentiation of self.**

And there was the foundation of her glass closet, the place in which she had resided for so long and come to think of as  _right_. It was a temperance to her wrongness, the only way her family knew how to cope with a child who had disappointed them in a way that brought dishonor to the family. The four walls that surrounded her had become home, walls that served as windows that she peered through from the different lenses that had been given to her:

GUILT

SHAME

SADNESS

LONELINESS

And she felt them all now. She felt every last one of them and her fists clenched over the textbook, a sob racked through her shoulders. Her family had spelled out every emotion for her but now she felt them all over again with Diana. The guilt and shame of failing in a way that she couldn't distinguish. The sadness of facing rejection once more.

And loneliness.

Oh, kuso, the loneliness.

It was all-encompassing. It was suffocating. And it bore down on her so hard that a fresh tear fell once more onto the page, onto the one word that resonated over and over and over again:

**OUTSIDER.**

* * *

Akko was so, so grateful that Diana knew how to properly use chopsticks. Though, why wouldn't she? She was cultured, she was self-aware. She did everything to the best of her abilities and, honestly, there was no doubt in Akko's mind that Diana had prepared for this exact occasion. Of course, Diana probably didn't think she'd be in sweatpants and get caught kissing the Kagari's daughter in public, but… well, that was all just the result of unfortunate circumstances.

Diana was fidgeting nervously as she delicately scooped a smaller piece of sashimi into her mouth. Okaasan was watching her every move—judging, no doubt—and barely focusing on her own bowl of sukiyaki. It was as though she was searching for a slip, for a miscalculated movement, for  _something_ that would place the quiet and respectful British girl into the box of disapproval.

"You ride this Jumper," Okaasan said pointedly, taking a tiny sip of still steaming sake and disregarding her meal entirely. "Why are you here to watch Atsuko?"

"Oh." Diana straightened, lowering the hand that held the chopsticks and squirming in a very minute way that only Akko was aware of. Blue eyes slid over, meeting Akko's with a question and, above all else, Akko hoped she could read the answer.

She could. She could because Diana knew her well.

"Much of Luna Nova is here to watch the competition," she replied, as confident as ever as she poked at another piece of sashimi. "The Mounted Games team is a rather important addition to our equestrian sports. Besides, Akko—Atsuko—is a very close friend of mine."

Okaasan nodded. It was slow, thoughtful. "Very close, yes?"

Diana's cheeks flushed. She set down her chopsticks and picked up her glass of wine, sipping in avoidance as she nudged Akko's knee with hers. A plea for saving.

Akko had just shoved a large piece of eel into her mouth but she cut in anyway, mid-chew, with a, "Yes. We are very close."

Okaasan hummed thoughtfully. Thankfully, Otousan came to the rescue with a, "So, Atsuko, how are you feeling about the competition tomorrow? Your team has been doing well, we've heard."

Akko sank a little deeper in her wooden chair, relieved to turn her attention away from the accusatory eyes of Okaasan, and regarded Otousan with a cocked half-smile that she hoped expressed the level of gratitude in which she felt. "I feel alright about it," she replied, shoveling nigiri into her mouth and following it with a swallow of Sapporo. "Hopefully we do well. I'll be proud of the team regardless."

But then, with a single sentence that would have been benign, that should have just fallen by the wayside, all built up confidence fell away:

"How's your wrist feeling?" Diana asked. She regarded Akko with a hopeful, comforting smile.

And yet it brought no comfort.

"Sumimasen," Okaasan blurted, her head shooting up from where she'd finally begun to nibble at her meal. "What is wrong with your wrist, Atsuko?"

Kuso.

* * *

There was a time when Akko got along well with Okaasan. In fact, Okaasan embodied everything that Akko wanted to be: a strong, confident woman who got along well with her husband and her family, both nuclear and in-laws. She was never afraid to step up to a challenge, be it bartering for a better price for fish at the market or mastering a hobby that she had discovered an interest in. Okaasan was independent and not submissive, she was a partner to Otousan and a friend to Akko.

She was a pillar of support.

She was a beacon of hope, somebody who Akko looked up to.

But then came the incident, the coming out, and the relationship between Okaasan and Akko was never the same again. The house became like a new world, territory foreign and volatile, with the only neutral ground being the surface conversations over meals or the times when Akko was at ease on Chariot's back and thinking nothing of her own problems.

Chariot replaced Okaasan. With Chariot, Akko could be anybody and Chariot didn't care so long as she was treated with respect and had food in her belly and water in her trough. Chariot rebuilt the pillar that had collapsed with Okaasan's love.

**FOUR: FAMILY PROJECTION PROCESS**

**In stressful situations, parents will project their emotions onto their children. Many different aspects of parents are inherited by children, though the most impactful situation in any familial relationship is the strong desire for approval or the feeling of responsibility for another family member's happiness.**

Akko had not come out willingly, that much was certain. And, at the time, she was unsure when she would come out, if  _ever,_ because the entire situation was unpredictable and scary. It kept her up at night, it brought her anxiety attacks throughout the day. It was like experiencing her worst fear on repeat and she never knew when it would come to an end.

But it did. Because of Okaasan.

And in that crucial moment of time, when Akko desperately needed that approval from her parents, that confirmation of unconditional love, she found her hands empty. The love had slipped through her fingers like liquid and pooled in a dark place where it stayed, where it lingered. Seen but untouched, desired but protected by a wall of rejection.

Akko had failed Okaasan and Otousan. Though unintentional, though  _natural_ as the western societies were starting to realize, she had revealed herself to be the daughter they never wished they had. And it was like they lost her altogether, like Akko had never been born or maybe she had but she just wasn't  _there_ anymore. She was the family ghost, the phantom who rattled chains and whispered unintelligible words in the shadows of her parents in the only ways she knew to get noticed, to show that she was still there, that her heart still beat and her blood still pulsed and her brain still  _functioned_ only she was different in a way that had no effect on them whatsoever—

Except it did. It did, and Akko was responsible.

* * *

She could read no more. She could take no more. The crushing reality of who she was and of who she lost was too much to bear, and with a lurch of a sob she slammed her textbook shut and crawled deep under the covers, hoping for sleep to take her away to a place where feelings were inconsequential.

"I sprained it," Akko said quickly, shooting Diana a wide-eyed glare. Diana shrank back with the sudden realization that what she had said was wrong, adding a quirked eyebrow that  _definitely_ said _, "We'll discuss this later."_

"Sprained?" Okaasan turned to look at Otousan, who clarified for her.

"It's a minor injury that will certainly not impact her riding this weekend," Otousan said, placing a gentle hand on his wife's wrist—which had frozen mid-reach for a bit of beef—and offered a reassuring smile. "Besides, Atsuko wouldn't be here riding if she thought it would bring her harm. Right, Atsuko?"

Mid-swig of beer to avoid having to give away the guilty expression that had overtaken her face, Akko went to swallow while at the same time saying, "Right," which just came out as a garbled choke as she launched into a fit of coughing. Diana's hand quickly found her back and patted gently, her other hand reaching for a glass of water which Akko gratefully took and began to chug.

"Her wrist is fine," Diana spoke for her, rubbing between Akko's shoulder blades as she spoke. "She was cleared by the doctor just last week to ensure she was ready for the competition."

There was something in Diana's eyes that was usually only there when Diana knew something and was trying to prompt the wheels of Akko's mind to pick up on it. But she couldn't, and so instead she just nodded and said, "Yeah. I'm good to go."

And, as the words left her mouth, she realized she was lying to all of them—to her parents, to Diana—and the sinking feeling of failure once again flooded through her. She glanced down at her wrist, flexed her hand and watched the tendons bulge and then disappear once again beneath her skin.

Whatever happened would be her fault. She was risking her own safety for her parents' approval in one last ditch effort to be worth  _something_ to them, and if she failed… well, she could only hold one person responsible.

And that was herself, as it always was.

* * *

"Hey, you alright? You've been quiet for a while."

Akko glanced up from where she was half sprawled across her desk, feeling her stomach lurch with nausea at having to move. Avery's worried gaze could barely be seen above the lip of her laptop and she dug her heels into the messy sheets to push herself up a little farther. She chuckled and added, "Man, you  _really_  don't look so hot."

"I'm fine," Akko replied. She wasn't. Her mouth was watering and she knew that there would soon be another visit to the washroom to try to expel whatever the Canadian had put inside her the night before. "I'm just taking a break from writing for a little. "Thinking hurts."

Avery cocked an eyebrow and nodded slowly. "So the great Akko Kagari is capable of thought. No worries, your secret is safe with me."

"Shut up," Akko groaned. She didn't have the capacity to start bantering with Avery—the girl thought she was the wittiest person on the planet and would keep going if she was allowed—and so she turned back to the textbook spread out beneath her barely supporting arms.

She longed for her mother's sencha. Anytime she had an upset stomach, Okaasan would make her a streaming mug and Akko would sip it slowly while Okaasan gently rubbed her back. She didn't know if it was the tea, the attention, or maybe it was just some sort of placebo effect. Either way, she missed it.

Her eyes hurt. Her head spun. But she read anyway because Family Systems Theory was on their study sheet for the upcoming final and she could barely remember any of it.

**FIVE: EMOTIONAL CUTOFF**

**Unresolved problems within the family will result in emotional cutoff, where family members become emotionally distant. This usually results in a single family member, most commonly the 'outsider', choosing to either move far away from the home or instead remain close but purposefully avoid sensitive topics with other family members.**

**This often leads to unresolved attachment issues and will cause tension within the familial relationships.**

Akko's decision to go to Luna Nova was primarily based on her idealization of the school that Chariot du Nord and other prominent equestrians attended. It was a place she could go and be around others who shared her passion of horses and riding. But she would be lying if she didn't also consider the chance to escape the traditional constraints of her own family, to embrace western culture where somebody like her was more socially accepted. In England, she would be free of the watchful eyes of Okaasan and Otousan.

In England, she wouldn't be an outsider any longer. She could just be  _Akko_.

"Yo, Akko."

Akko raised her head again, squeezing her eyes shut as she felt the bile rise in her throat.

"That girl of yours text back yet, or what?"

She started to open her mouth to respond, but the lurch in her stomach told her that something was about to come out—and it wasn't words. So, instead of answering, Akko made a lunge for the washroom and decided she would most  _definitely_ get that tea recipe from Okaasan.

After all, that would be a benign enough conversation.

* * *

"How has school been going? Have your marks been well?"

Akko narrowed her eyes at Okaasan from across the table, vaguely aware of Diana's attempt to remain neutral with the language switch. Okaasan had spoken in Japanese, which made no sense. Sure, if it was just the three of them, it would have been perfectly reasonable. But Diana was there and, though Okaasan wasn't quite as fluent as she could have been, she could muster a decently complicated English conversation.

"They've been alright," Akko replied in English, pointedly stressing each syllable as she glowered at her mother before adding, while staring her directly in the eyes (which she knew intimidated Okaasan), "Diana has helped me study and get my grades up."

Diana looked away, finding a couple at the bar who had been on the most awkward first date of all time for the duration of their meal, and took a long sip of her wine. Akko found her knee and squeezed. An attempt at reassurance, a wordless, " _It's alright, I promise_ ," that she hoped she was able to communicate. Diana's timid smile told her it worked.

"It might be best to speak English, considering our guest," Otousan murmured, his index finger running around the rim of his ceramic cup. Akko knew Okaasan wouldn't listen.

"You are able to do just fine on your own. You do not need this girl," Okaasan replied. Japanese. Again. There was a glimmer of something that Akko had only seen twice before. The first time being when Akko was nine and had tried to climb up the mahogany hoosier and subsequently fallen and shattered a good portion of her mother's finest porcelain dishware. The second was when she sat across the table from Okaasan and Otousan as the conversation about her sexuality had dissipated into nothing more than drifting molecules of reality.

It was the moment that Akko became two people: the daughter her parents wanted her to be, and the Akko that had become a firefly trapped in a jar, the lid tightened by Okaasan's hands.

"Diana is amazing," Akko countered, trying to round out the edges of sharpness in her voice but failing miserably. She wasn't the type to be able to conceal how she felt and now was no exception. "She's ridiculously smart and has helped me with my studies and so much more since I've come to Luna Nova. And you're right, I might not need her. But I  _want_  her. I want her because—" Akko took a sharp breath that made her head feel light, "—because she's my girlfriend."

The light inside had been there and it had been the entire time. But there was nobody to see it because she wasn't allowed to  _show_ it until she got away, until she disconnected from the people who were holding her back, until she broke away from Okaasan's expectations of who she should be-

Until she met Diana.

Until she met the girl who turned slowly and gazed at her with affection swimming in those blue eyes.

Until she met the girl who took Akko's hand beneath the table and held tight as though she never wanted to let go. And Akko hoped that was true,

because she didn't want to let go, either.

* * *

Why had she even chosen to use the green ones? They were  _disgusting._

Akko warily eyed the Skittle that she'd taped to the corner of the index card and sighed. In all honesty, she should have tossed them all out. Or probably given them to Sucy. Akko was  _certain_  that Sucy probably liked the least desirable flavor of Skittles. Besides, if you shoved too many in your mouth at once, spit the color of slime leaked out of your mouth. Not that Akko had ever tried that.

Okay, maybe once. But Sucy probably would have liked it!

She turned in her chair, red eyes falling on the peacefully sleeping girl in her bed. She was still fully clothed, curled up into a fetal position with her face half buried into Akko's favorite pillow, the one with the Totoro slip. Her blonde hair was like an explosion over the side of her face and shoulder. Diana had been asleep for at least an hour and had shown no signs of even stirring. Her breath was slow, peaceful. Relaxed.

Akko turned back to the slightly bent index card in her hand and read.

**SIX: SIBLING POSITION**

**Siblings in the family unit can create a unique dynamic, especially in the case that they are extremely different from each other as a result of differentiation. This can result in issues as one sibling will usually adapt to family expectations in regard to behavior and personality, whereas the other sibling may differ greatly. In many cases, the older sibling will present as the archetype for the desired child. Therefore, if a younger sibling strays from what is considered acceptable, this can cause discord in the family unit.**

Akko was an only child until the day she came out. It wasn't until then that she had somebody to compete with, somebody who she could never be as hard as she tried:

Herself. Well, herself in her parents' eyes.

It was from that day on that she lived in the shadow of who she was expected to be. She had forced the other part of her deep within and had put the same shoes on that she'd worn the day but now they didn't  _fit_ , now they weren't comfortable, now they belonged to someone  _else_.

Those shoes belonged to Atsuko Kagari. Mediocre at best, but positive and… well, a daughter that her parents wouldn't be embarrassed about.

And so she became a younger sibling to herself, to the person she was supposed to be, and all in a day the dissonance between who she had to be and who she wanted to be began to tear her apart until every night she fell into her bed and begged for a chance to just  _live_ , to just be  _free_.

Akko untaped the Skittle from the corner of the index card and shoved it into her mouth. Her lips curled in disgust as she gnashed down on the candy, chewing slowly as she scanned the words she'd written once more. She swallowed hard and took a swig of water, a shiver running through her arms as the cold water washed away the taste. Sucy must have cranked down the A.C. without bothering to ask again.

She pushed away from her desk, snagging the hooded sweatshirt off the back of her chair and pulling it on. Again, her gaze fell to Diana. She hadn't hardly moved, save for the hand that had slid underneath the pillow and the legs that had curled in a little tighter.

Maybe she was cold, too.

Akko silently crept forward, pulling her favorite fleece blanket from where it was strung halfway off the bed, and covered Diana's body up to her neck. She gently tucked it in around her, making a warm cocoon just like Okaasan used to do for her when she was younger.

Diana's eyes flickered wearily open, her mouth parting slightly as if she wanted to say something but was far too sleepy.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Akko whispered. She rested her palm on Diana's shoulder and smiled. "Go back to sleep."

Diana hummed a weak acknowledgment and, in a matter of moments, had drifted back off to sleep.

Akko sat back down at her desk and stared at the thick stack of cards that remained, cocking her head to the side to see just how many green Skittles were left. Too many. She sighed and started to pick up the next but was distracted by movement outside her window.

Amanda, Hannah, Cons, and Jasminka were strolling down the path closest to her dorm building, the one that led to the Chariot fountain. They were all laughing. Except Amanda, who wore a cocky smirk, which meant she was likely the source of the laughter.

Akko's gaze fell, ran down the side of the American's body, following the arm that was snaked comfortably around Hannah's waist. The shorter girl leaned in and rested her head against Amanda's shoulder, her lips still spread in a wide smile.

Akko couldn't help but smile, too.

This was where she belonged, where she felt at home. Where she could be herself. Sure, everything wasn't ideal. Everything was confusing and hard and emotionally taxing.

But there was one thing Akko knew for sure: she would rather be heartbroken over a girl than never have the chance to love one at all.

* * *

Okaasan was still giving Akko that same stare, the one that told her that she had done something seriously distressing and would absolutely be feeling wrath—the silent kind, the worst kind—without debate.

"Well, it certainly is nice to meet you," Otousan said, nodding as he raised his sake cup as if to cheer before taking a long sip. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, bowing his head respectfully and uttering a quiet thank you to the server when she came to clear the plates away. Except for Okaasan's… since hers was barely touched.

"You, as well," Diana replied with a warm smile. Akko briefly wondered how anybody could fail to be charmed by Diana Cavendish. She was well-spoken and friendly with first meetings and was  _certainly_ capable of making good first impressions when it mattered most.

But then she looked back at a very displeased Okaasan and realized that not everybody could be swayed. Especially when the shredded remains of a core value were being dangled before her.

"This is the girlfriend I told you about," Akko said, tilting her chin up in faux confidence as she let her hand lift from Diana's to instead place on her shoulder. "She actually surprised me by coming up here to watch, so I'm excited you actually get to meet her."

"Wow." Otousan's heavy eyebrows flicked up. "That was a very kind surprise."

But Okaasan could not be moved. No, she was a statue of a woman who would not be pushed over. "Atsuko," she started, lifting her napkin from her lap and folding it delicately. Fold after fold, crease after crease. She stared down at the material in her hand as she spoke on in her native language. "I believe it is highly inappropriate to be having this discussion in public. I also do not think that it was right for you to bring this on us so suddenly and at such an important event. The girl is nice, but I am sure you both can find equally nice boys."

Akko felt herself losing her temper. She squirmed in her chair and glanced around the full restaurant, trying very hard to keep her voice level and force away the nervous quiver that she could sense working its way into her tone. "Okaasan, this isn't sudden. You've known about this for years. It's not my fault you choose not to acknowledge this. Us."

Diana had settled back in her chair, her fingers nervously twisting in her lap as she watched the Japanese-English war that was going on next to her. Akko knew that she wouldn't be able to understand what Okaasan was saying, but she would certainly have her girlfriend know what  _she_ was saying. Okaasan could hide behind a wall of Japanese all she wanted to, but Akko would just kick holes in it like a very angry and very heavily shod draft.

"I'm gay, Okaasan. This is no surprise. Diana is my girlfriend and, yes, I'm sure we  _could_ find nice boys, especially her, because, hot damn," Akko glanced at Diana, whose eyes had widened a little bit in that " _Not now, Akko!"_  kind of way, before clearing her throat and continuing. "But we don't  _want_ boys. We work well together and it would be really great if you could just support—"

Otousan had raised his hand. A warning to settle down, to lower volume and cease the argument before it got too heated. But it was too late, because the English that flared from Okaasan's mouth was like dynamite thrown onto the table with a lit fuse.

"I will not support any of this, and I will not support you."

* * *

"Biscuit," Akko whined as the little calico kitten pounced onto her textbook for what seemed like the thousandth time. "I'm trying to study!"

The kitten flopped over onto her back, squirming against the spine of Akko's book as her tiny paws batted at the strands of brunette that dangled just inches away.

"Aw, she just wants to play." Amanda snatched Biscuit up into her arms and cooed as she dug her fingers into the little cat's stomach. "Ouch! Claws! What did we discuss about the claws?"

The kitten was then unceremoniously dropped to the carpet where she let out a series of squeaks and went streaking off into the kitchen.

"How's it goin'?" Amanda asked as she threw herself onto the couch. She kicked her socked feet into Akko's thighs and folded her arms behind her head, grinning in a way that made Akko think that she was up to something. Though, it was kind of just her smile. Though, she was also always up to something. So, honestly, it was a toss up.

"I'm  _trying_ to study," Akko moaned, tilting her head back with an exasperated sigh. "But between you and Biscuit I can't get anything done!"

"Well, you said you'd come over and hang out," Amanda whined. "I don't want to sit here and watch you stare at that book and Biscuit's not very good conversation. Besides, I can't be anywhere on the other side of the flat anymore, she lit up the litterbox something awful."

"I said if I could study," Akko reminded her. She turned her attention back down to her Modern Psychology textbook. "Just give me, like, fifteen, alright? Then I promise we can do something for a little bit."

Amanda groaned, rolling off the side of the couch with a thud and then pulling herself up as if it took the most amount of effort she could possibly give. "Fine," she grumbled. "Fifteen minutes. Clock starts now."

Akko rolled her eyes, finding the paragraph that her thumb had held. She would have to re-read the entire thing—Biscuit had distracted her too much. And, well, Amanda, too.

**SEVEN: MULTIGENERATIONAL TRANSMISSION PROCESS**

Oh. Akko remembered this one. Well, sort of. Red Skittle, maybe? Or was it purple?

**The multigenerational transmission processes encompass the small difference that take place over generations within family units. These changes, to include both relationships in the family and the change of society over the years, all works to create the "self" that a person best identifies with.**

**Different generations within the nuclear family may have extremely different lifestyles, which, depending on the culture and society the family is part of, can create core issues that may go unresolved.**

Akko yawned and let the book fall back down in her lap.

"Yo, Akko! Fifteen's up. Power hour starts now—get in here!"

She needed to study. But, kuso, Psychology was boring. So Akko happily slammed the textbook shut, tossed it unceremoniously onto the couch, and went to join her friend in shenanigans that would likely get her into trouble with Diana.

(Spoiler alert: they did)

* * *

"I'm not asking you to accept it," Akko blurted. She found Diana's hand again and squeezed hard, as though grounding herself to keep from doing anything stupid. Not that she would—Akko didn't have much of a temper and was about as violent as a slug covered in salt—but she knew that Diana's touch would at least help her calm down a little. "I'm just asking you to love me. As your daughter. And, kuso, Okaasan, that shouldn't be something I should have to  _ask._ "

Tears were starting to well in her eyes and she fought them back. No, she would not give Okaasan the satisfaction of becoming too emotional.

"Akko…" Diana started hesitantly, gently squeezing Akko's sweaty palm back. "Maybe it would be better to have this conversation another time? This is becoming a scene."

Otousan nodded in agreement. "Diana-san is right. Let's just finish our meal in peace."

"No, that's a truckload of bullshit!" Akko seethed. She wasn't one for swearing but damn if one of Amanda's lines hadn't slipped right out of her mouth. "You two have been avoiding this forever. I'm not asking much. It's not like I'm into drugs or failing at college-" debatably, of course, "or off killing people in the streets! I just happen to like—no, love—somebody who is the same sex. It's 2018, it's not the Neolithic period and I'm not throwing stones at Purza-whatski horses to figure out which ones are worthy of living!"

Diana wheezed in an attempt to hold back a poorly timed laugh.

Otouson chimed in with, "Atsuko, that kind of language is absolutely detestable and—"

"No, but it is still not acceptable!" Okaasan shot back, cutting Otousan off completely. She was trying to keep her voice lowered—something that Akko had started to attempt but had long since abandoned—in an effort to maintain some air of dignity. But it didn't matter. People were starting to look. The server came by, clearly uncomfortable, and handed Otousan the check without bothering to see if they wanted anything more.

In a long swig, Diana downed the rest of her wine and looked down, as though she was trying to teleport away from the situation and away from Glasgow period. For a fleeting moment, Akko felt terrible that her girlfriend had flown in to surprise her only to experience... well, this.

But Akko was actually glad to have Diana at her side. It gave her strength, gave her the confidence to push forward and finally confront the tension that had separated her family for so long.

It was time to finally confront her parents with the person she was.

* * *

Akko let out a long yawn, slinking down beneath the sheets and sliding her bare leg over Diana's. "You know," Akko said, "It's really hard to concentrate on studying when you're lying here naked next to me." A devious smirk slid across her lips as she dropped the book onto her stomach and snaked a hand over her girlfriend's chest. "I'd rather do a little touchy touchy than a lot of study study."

"Akko," Diana hissed, swatting Akko's hand away but grinning nonetheless. "I swear, you're insatiable. I don't think I can go again tonight."

"But you look so sexy with those glasses on." Akko smirked and ran the back of her fingers down Diana's cheek. "Like… mmph. Librarian kinda hot. Tell me, have you ever had any fantasies about scissoring on top of a bunch of historical fiction?"

Diana's cheeks flared a bright red as she dropped her own book-one which Akko caught the glimpse of a bloody mess along with the words, "rectovaginal," and, "breeched"-and covered her face with her hands. "I don't even know what to address first with what you just said. First, please never refer to our sex life as scissoring-ever, for the love of God-and, no, I have not ever considered doing anything of the sort. That would be highly uncomfortable, not to mention extremely disrespectful to the authors and the literary works themselves-"

"Oh, hush up. I'm joking." Akko flopped onto her side, letting her head fall onto Diana's shoulder as she let out a heavy sigh. "I'm tired, too. I just really don't feel like studying anymore. It's hard to remember and I'd rather just cuddle."

"We  _are_  cuddling," Diana pointed out. Because, well, they were. Diana's arm had been wrapped around Akko's shoulders, holding her in as close as their bodies could get while they reviewed their respective material. Akko's being family psychology, Diana's being… well, decimated horse vaginas. "We just happen to be doing schoolwork at the same time. I know it's a lot to memorize, but the more you look over it, the more it'll stick."

"It's just…" Akko frowned, pressing her lips against Diana's protruding collarbone in thought before nuzzling into her neck. "It's just I find it easier to associate what I'm learning with particular things. Like the Skittles, remember?"

"That was disgusting."

"But it  _worked_. See this part of the theory here?" Akko pointed at  **SIX: SIBLING POSITION.**  "Apple flavored Skittle. You know how I remember that? Because if I had a little sister, I'd make her eat all the stupid Apple Skittles because they're disgusting and the older sibling decides how things should be done."

"And a little brother?"

Akko shrugged. "He can share the good ones. Boys aren't as annoying as girls."

"I see." Diana shifted her glasses higher on the bridge of her nose and lifted her own book back up. "So eat a Skittle."

"But you don't  _have_  any Skittles." Akko huffed, and, when met with no response, straightened once again and settled against Diana as she raised her textbook once more. The words seemed to blur together, a never-ending smudge of black text that just wouldn't settle into her mind.

Diana had flipped her page three more times and had moved on to postpartum care-thankfully with nicer images, like freshly born foals and quietly resting mares-when she looked back over at Akko. "You're not asleep, are you?"

"No," Akko admitted, though she wished she was. She had read the same line over and over again. "I just can't seem to focus."

Diana lowered her book. She was still for a long moment, as though an intense debate was going on in her own mind, before shutting her own text and rolling away from Akko. Her arm stretched beneath Akko's neck as she fumbled for the drawer of her nightstand and began searching through.

"Um, what are you doing?" Akko asked. "You're not getting the vibe, right? You said we were done and I really was joking."

Diana pulled her arm out from underneath Akko and sat up, leaning against the headboard and rolling her eyes theatrically. "Your mind is constantly in one place, Akko Kagari. You said you learn better when you associate things, right?"

"Well, yeah, but I don't really want to get turned on while-"

"Akko!" Diana scolded, blushing. She nudged her leg against Akko's in emphasis. "I sincerely hope this doesn't turn you on in  _any_ way. If it does, I'll be severely disturbed. Now can you please hand me your book and point to what you're trying to get through? Quickly. Before I change my mind."

Akko narrowed her eyes, confused, but shoved the open book into Diana's lap and pointed to the same paragraph she'd been trying to read for the better part of twenty minutes.

Diana raised a hand that had been resting at her side. The one that had dug through her drawer. In her palm rested two fake plastic rows of teeth.

"Diana-"

But before she could say anything more, not that she  _knew_ what she was going to say, Diana had shoved the teeth into her mouth and situated them properly before beginning (with a  _very, very_ red face):

" **Eight: Thothietal Emothional Protheth.** "

Akko couldn't help it. The laughter burst through her closed lips so fast she sprayed spit all over the side of Diana's face. Diana cringed, swiped it away, and continued.

" **Conthepth of Family Thythtemth Theory altho apply to non-family groupth, thuch as friendth, co-workerth, and other acquaintantheth. Outhide influenth depicth whether the emothional protheth is progrethive or regrethive-** " Diana fumbled with the teeth in her mouth for a minute, swallowing hard, " **-and can play a cruthial role in the family. In thome catheth, the thothietal period will also determine the power of control they are able to exthert over their children.**

**It ith important to remember that family thythems do not only pertain to nuclear, blood-related familieth. A family thythem can altho be comprithed of clothe friendth, colleagueth, or any thet group of people that form a thtrong bond."**

By the time Diana had pulled the teeth from her mouth with a string of saliva following, Akko had rolled over and was clutching her aching side.

"That better have helped," Diana grumbled as she dropped the teeth onto her nightstand. Her cheeks were crimson fire, rivaling the color of Akko's eyes, and her skin was hot to the touch and a little damp with sweat as Akko rolled against it. "Because I don't have any candy in here and honestly if you can't remember this very moment in time three days from now then I'm not quite sure how I can further assist or if you may just be beyond hope."

Akko's face was hot as she wheezed for air, ignoring the very embarrassed and very unimpressed scowl her girlfriend was wearing. "That… was… the…" A fresh wave of laughter overtook her and she curled in on herself, gasping for air. "Fun-funniest shit I have  _ever-_ "

Diana threw her head back against the headboard, groaning. "But did it  _help_?" she begged, removing her glasses (which were slipping off her nose because her face was getting damp in her own embarrassment) and staring at Akko with pleading eyes. "Will you remember it?"

"Remember it?" Akko cackled, shoving her hand over her mouth in an attempt to stop the laughter that was still quaking through her body. After a moment, when she finally felt as though she'd regained control of herself (though she was doubtful), she choked out a very shaky, "I couldn't even understand half of it!"

Diana's face fell, almost as though Beatrix had been T-boned by The World's Largest Shire. "Are you telling me I just humiliated myself for absolutely nothing?"

"Well, no! No!" Akko quickly backpedaled. "I caught the last bit. About family not having to be… you know, family? And all that. I don't really understand what it all means, though."

"I certainly don't agree with psychology-" Diana started.

"I know," Akko cut off. She did not want to hear the  _Psychology is the Science of the Daft_  monologue that Diana tended to launch into.

Diana cut her a side-eye before continuing. "Though I believe it's saying that individuals are affected on a socioeconomic level, meaning that as society changes, so do generations within families, and outside influences such as friends can kind of… disrupt? the core values that the parents believe are right for their child." She shrugged. "Sounds like common sense, to me, but whatever. Of course children will be different than their parents. If everything was the same, we'd be back in the Neolithic era and I'd be studying the Ancient Przewalski by throwing stones and watching the way they bounce off horse flesh under different weather conditions."

"I caught none of that," Akko said with a wave of her hand. She tugged the book out of Diana's lap, slinging it carelessly to the floor next to the bed. "But, whatever. Sleeps now? Sleeps and cuddles?"

Diana hummed. "I suppose." She set her own book carefully on her nightstand, placing her glasses on top, and turned the lamp off, bathing the quiet room in still darkness, save for the moonlight flooding through the partially closed curtains.

Akko settled in immediately-curled against Diana's side as she always did-and reached over her girlfriend's chest to gently run her fingers through the long, pale waves of hair. There was a quiet between them, long and stretched out as Diana's hand rubbed tenderly at Akko's arm in the way she usually did before drifting off to sleep.

"Hey, Diana?"

"Mm?"

Diana turned her head only slightly, planting a chaste kiss to the top of Akko's forehead.

"It said that family doesn't have to be… well, family."

"It did," Diana replied in a whisper, as though the darkness brought a need for quiet. "And I certainly agree with that. Although, in my case, I suppose I had no other choice."

Akko's fingers stilled in Diana's hair, twirling a single lock around her index finger in thought. "So you would consider Hannah and Barbara family?"

"And Miss Meridies. And Aunt Daryl, to an extent, though we aren't very close." Akko could feel Diana's chest deflate with a long breath of air. "Though, yes. I would. Family is made, Akko. And if you look at it that way… well, you'll have family wherever you go, won't you?"

Her last words sounded sad, nostalgic, and Akko knew Diana was thinking of her mother. And in that moment she thought of her own, of Okaasan, of the woman who pushed her away at every turn just because she wasn't quite what her parents wanted her to be. Because her differentiation of self was too extreme, because society had evolved in her generation to a point where she  _could_ be that person. Just… somewhere else.

Sure, family was Otousan and Okaasan. To an extent.

But, when Akko thought about it, her mind built her own family:

Chariot, her wily pony who greeted her with a nicker and lips begging for a peppermint. Who tried her hardest no matter the task, who always knew how to put a smile on Akko's face whether she needed it or not.

Kind Lotte, gleeful and energetic on Spirit.

Quiet, morose Sucy with her succulents and equally grumpy Mushroom.

Amanda and her pranks and her an overly excitable Star that was constantly getting her into trouble with Miss Nelson.

Constanze. Silent Constanze who would sign at Akko and then show her what it meant-even if Akko had to learn the same sign for horse over and over again-and her quiet pony Stan.

Jasminka, laughing and cheering for everybody, so positive in every situation that Cookie couldn't help but get worked up with her until the whole team had fed off her excitement.

Even Hannah and Barbara, who Akko had barely begun to get to know. And Beatrix, of course, with her quiet and gentle demeanor and fondness for her rider.

But most of all…

Most of all, Diana.

Diana was where she felt at ease, where she felt warm and safe and comfortable to be exactly who she was. Diana was more than the arms that embraced her, the lips that kissed her own, the melodic breaths that filled the gaps of silent romance.

Diana Cavendish was home.

* * *

"I think that, I, uh, might need to go to the washroom," Diana said quietly. She rose, gently folding the linen from her lap and placing it delicately on the cherry rose wood of the table.

Diana just wanted to get away and Akko knew it. She was well aware of the tension that was spreading like a wildfire between herself and Okaasan, one that Otousan was desperately trying to put out but only failing miserably as estrogen and years upon years of untouched pain burst to the surface.

Okaasan's nostrils flared. Akko was sure hers were, as well, and for a moment thought of two bulls, horns lowered and ready for impact, ready to strike. It was Okaasan who struck first.

"Atsuko," she said, her English as sharp as a cleaver's edge, "You bring great shame upon not only our family, but our culture. I will accept you when you turn away from this. When you stop letting this young woman-" She paused and gestured at Diana, whose eyes grew wide with surprise. "When you stop letting this young woman cause you harm."

"Pardon me?" Diana said, though it went unheard.

Akko took a moment. One longer than she usually would have, because this time she actually  _thought_ her response through, even to include the consequences she would face after. She weighed it all, vaguely knowing that Diana would be proud but maybe she would care later because now… well, now it was time to speak the words that she'd tasted on her tongue for so long. The words that weighed heavy, the words that Okaasan needed to hear whether she liked it or not.

Akko knew she wouldn't.

"Diana doesn't cause me harm." Akko felt her nose twitch-the warning of oncoming tears-and steeled herself to finish before she could show weakness. "Diana loves me for exactly who I am, something that you could never do. And I love her, too."

She took a deep, shaky breath, rising slowly so that her chair didn't make quite so much noise when she stood, and found Diana's hand where she stood between her options of the washroom or continued insult.

"And if it shames you so much that I am who I am-"

She squeezed Diana's hand. Diana squeezed back. Strength. Courage. The bravery to be  _right_.

"Then it's your turn to feel the shame," she hissed at Okaasan, "because I've carried that for way too long."

She didn't wait for a response. She couldn't, because the tears were brimming in her eyes and she knew they would spill out any moment and she'd be damned if it would be in front of Okaasan. She wasn't going to give her mother another victory. Not this time.

She turned away from the malice of in Okaasan's eyes and instead met the cool blue of those she loved. "C'mon, love," she said, loudly enough so that others in the restaurant could hear. Not that they would have cared, but Okaasan certainly would have.

With a gentle bow, quick and precise, she mumbled a very quick, "Thank you for the meal, Otousan," before walking away from her family. A family that had rejected her. And, honestly, it didn't matter anymore.

Because she still had family. She still had people who loved her, people who supported her.

And the most important of which was at her side, their fingers interlocked tightly together, and as they stepped into the bitter night air of Glasgow, Akko felt lighter, felt quieter, felt… loved.

She had finally let that firefly out of its jar and, kuso, did it shine so bright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... this was longer than I meant it to be. whoops. also this story got longer so there's gonna be a couple more chapters than i anticipated i think.
> 
> hi! bye!
> 
> (also happy birthday to my best friend tammy! you'll never read this or even know i write this shit! love you bye!)


	54. Reasons pt. 2

 

* * *

**DIANA**

* * *

"Mother, what's going on?"

Diana's small hands gripped the iron bars of the box, her face shoved between them as she watched the mare and foal inside. Her mother had pulled up a mounting block for her to observe, much like she usually did when there was a brand new foal to gaze at, and Diana rested her cheeks against the cold metal to look on. From what she knew (which, at the time, wasn't much), everything  _looked_ normal. Rosalie, a large grey mare with one of the most impeccable Hanoverian pedigrees in the broodmare band, was standing lazily in the corner of the thickly bedded maternity box. The little filly she'd given birth to only half a day before stood at the other end, its tiny muzzle nudging against the wooden wall as she stood atop long, wobbly legs.

But Diana could tell something was wrong. Not because of the horses, but because of the hushed whispers between her mother and Aunt Daryl. Usually, the foal stayed so close to its mother's side that there was barely an inch between their hides. But these two were rather far apart. Plus, at this time of the morning, the mare and foal should have been turned out into their private paddock like everybody else to begin to adjust to normal life. Rosalie and her filly were being kept in their box. Why?

Diana watched as the filly raised her head, fuzzy ears flicking forward as she slowly inched her way closer to Rosalie. Probably to nurse. Diana loved watching the foals nurse, watching the dams gently reach around to help guide the foals lips to where they blindly searched for the teat. It was all so delicate, so motherly. It reminded her of when her own mother tucked her into bed at night or just stopped to give her a loving kiss on the forehead.

But the filly didn't make it close enough to her mother to experience that same loving touch. Rosalie's ears pinned back flat against her head and she let out a loud, long squeal, her back hoof striking out as she snaked her neck toward the filly with bared teeth. Immediately, the filly startled backwards, nearly falling on her unstable legs as she scrambled back into the corner of her box and stood once more, shivering.

"I'm calling Paul," Aunt Daryl said as she whipped her mobile out of her back pocket. "He might have a nursing mare we could borrow. Bernie, do we have any colostrum in supply?"

"Of course," Diana's mother responded, her tone sad and despondent as she gazed at the pair in the box. "I'll get it ready in case Paul can't help us out."

As Aunt Daryl disappeared down the barn aisle, the falsetto in her voice rising unnaturally as it usually did when she wanted or needed something from somebody else, Diana's mother leaned against the box door and let out a long sigh.

"Mother," Diana repeated as she clambered down from the mounting block and to her mother's side. She tugged at Bernadette's shirt. "What's happening? Is Rosalie okay?"

Bernadette took a step away from the box and turned to her daughter. She lowered herself to a knee—the way she usually did when she was about to explain something mature to Diana—and took her daughter gently by the shoulders. "Diana, sometimes, mares get confused and don't understand that they're expected to be mothers."

Diana's brows furrowed in confusion.

"Sometimes mares will reject their own foals," Bernadette continued, offering a sad smile to go along with her explanation. "It's an unfortunate thing."

"But it's her baby," Diana said, scanning her mother's face as if it held some deeper answer than what she was getting. "Why wouldn't she take care of her own baby?"

"Nature can be fickle," Bernadette replied. She moved her hands up to cup Diana's cheeks and planted a loving kiss to her forehead.

Diana accepted the kiss as an invitation to hug and eased herself into her mother's arms, where Bernadette hoisted her up and held her close as the two turned to look back into the box, back at the mare and filly that were so far apart they might as well have been in different worlds. And, perhaps, they were.

"What about the filly?" Diana asked, leaning the side of her head against her mother's jaw. "What will she do without a mother?"

"She'll be just fine," Bernadette reassured, though Diana could feel her tighten her grip a little. "Aunt Daryl is seeing if Paul Hanbridge has a mare who will adopt her. If not, well, we'll take care of her ourselves."

"That's sad." Diana flexed her fingers against her mother's shirt, gripping it tightly as she turned away from the scene of rejection in front of her. She tilted her head to find Bernadette's bright blue eyes, huffing a childish sigh that said she was on the edge of tears as she choked out, "I'd be sad if you didn't want me."

"Ah, but that's the difference between Rosalie and me," Bernadette replied, flashing a grin and leaning down to press her forehead against Diana's. The smile and subsequent affection made Diana's sadness break into a weak giggle. "I will want you as my daughter for as long as I live."

* * *

There was a number of ways that Diana pictured her surprise appearance going, each of which brought a smile to her face every time she thought of showing up, unannounced, to watch Akko compete.

Absolutely  _none_ of those daydreams involved meeting Akko's parents. And absolutely  _none_ of those involved going to a decently nice restaurant with Akko's parents dressed in a pair of sweatpants and an old hoodie. Sure, she had considered meeting Akko's family before… but it would have been in nice clothing, under nicer circumstances than being caught kissing in the hallway of a hotel, and  _when she was ultimately prepared and not looking like a London street rat._

But, in the end, it was just her luck. Well, not her luck. It was  _Akko's_ luck, which just so happened to trickle down onto her any chance it got.

She had relied on charm and her wealthy upbringing to carry her through, though in the end it didn't seem to make a difference. To Otousan, maybe, who had seemed pleasant enough throughout the evening and had made a point to engage her in conversation. In fact, she'd rather liked him. He reminded her of Akko in a lot of ways, from his bright red eyes to his goofy smile and the subtle mannerisms with which he presented himself.

Okaasan was another story entirely.

So by the time Akko seized her hand and dragged her from the restaurant, Diana was no longer focused on her attire. In fact, she didn't know  _what_ to focus on. There was so much running through her mind: confusion, insult, fear, anger. Her head was a melting pot of reactions and, for one of the very few times in her life, she didn't know what to  _do_.

So she channeled her energy into the girl at her side, to the familiar hand that clutched her own as they strode quickly through the cobbled streets of Glasgow toward the hotel. Akko said nothing, though by the way her chin was tilted up and her legs struck forward with purpose, Diana knew that she was somewhere else. She was likely back in the restaurant, rewinding the argument with Okaasan. Diana was there for her, but Akko was merely there  _with_ her. A projection of a girl who had so much on her mind that she couldn't even engage in the present.

Diana studied the side of her face. The set jaw that rolled with thought, the bright eyes that stared straight ahead. There were no tears, there were no words. Akko looked as stoic as ever. A soldier on the front lines marching into the unknown but knowing very well the possible outcome and accepting it nonetheless.

She said nothing because she knew Akko didn't need her to. Akko didn't want her to.

Diana just needed to be there. She could do that.

She  _would_ do that.

It wasn't until they reached Akko's room that her girlfriend finally spoke. Her voice was a hushed whisper, a ghost of the usually cheerful girl that she was known to be.

"I'm going to take a shower," Akko said. Sad red eyes met her own with a forced smile that quickly faded. "Will you come with me?"

"Of course," Diana readily agreed. She desperately wanted a shower to wash off the post-travel feeling of filth that she couldn't seem to escape, but more than anything she wanted to be there for Akko. To be there with her, to make sure she was okay, to do whatever she had to do to make sure her girlfriend knew she  _was_  wanted. Even if it wasn't by Okaasan.

The very thought caused a flare of anger to burn in Diana's chest. She forced it back down with a resolute sigh, stripping and folding her clothes neatly to place beside her bag as Akko disappeared into the washroom and began to run the shower. Now was not a time for expressing how she felt about Okaasan's rejection of Akko. No, it wasn't about her feelings at all. It was about Akko.

By the time she slid into the washroom and closed the door behind her, Akko was already in the shower. Steam rose from the heat of the falling water, already fogging the mirror above the vanity (which Diana was grateful for, because she did  _not_  want to see the state of herself). Diana pushed aside the soft fabric of the shower curtain and stepped into the tub, feeling her body begin to prickle with goosebumps as the air outside the heat of the water chilled her skin. Akko's hair was already wet, her bangs clinging to the side of her forehead, eyes closed as water trickled over her eyelashes and nose. She raised her hands and wiped the water away, red eyes blinking open to find Diana's with another forced smile.

"You can get under," she said, stepping away and taking Diana by the shoulders to guide her under the water.

It was hot. Dreadfully hot, though Diana did not complain. Her skin would be raw and red afterwards, but she was not about to make any kind of complaint to her girlfriend. Instead she tilted her head back, squeezing her eyes shut and running her fingers through the tangled mess of her blonde hair as she let the water soak in.

A warm hand against her waist nearly startled her and she opened her eyes, shaking her head at the water that threatened to drip inside them, to find Akko watching her closely. The shorter girl licked her lips and stepped forward, taking Diana into her arms and leaning in until their lips met beneath the stream of scalding water.

The kiss was slow and Diana let Akko take the lead, following each move and matching the on-again off-again fervor that came with their bodies pressing together. She could taste the iron in the unfiltered shower water as it dripped down their faces and between their moving mouths, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was Akko, who kissed her in hard and soft intervals, whose hands gripped at her hips before snaking around her body altogether as their lips fell apart with two long exhales. But Akko didn't let go. She leaned in, saying nothing still, and rested her head against Diana's shoulder in a hug that lasted so long that Diana was sure the skin of her back was going to have third degree burns by the time they left the shower.

* * *

"Hold it up a little higher for her."

"Like this?"

"Like that."

Diana held the bottle close to her head, waiting for the foal to come take hold of the nipple and feed. She  _had_  to be hungry—after all, she hadn't eaten since Rosalie was removed to another box hours ago—but she just  _wouldn't_ take the nipple.

"Come on, girl," Diana urged, pushing the bottle a little closer but earning nothing but a skeptical look from the little filly. "It's milk. Drink it!"

"She's confused, darling," Bernadette said from where she was watching. "Try putting a bit of the milk on your fingers and pressing it to her mouth."

Diana had earned the right to feed the rejected filly when Aunt Daryl came back with the news that the only nurse mare Paul Hanbridge had on his property was currently in use. So, with that possibility out the window, there was only one resolution: to hand feed the filly until either her mother decided to be, well, a  _mother_ , or the foal was old enough to wean.

Diana squirted a bit of milk onto her finger—it took a bit of effort, it was actually  _very_  hard to get from the nipple—and held it out to the little filly. This seemed to garner some interest, because a butter soft muzzle was soon nudging at her hand as the foal sniffed out the offering.

And then a warm sensation, soft but firm as the filly closed her mouth around Diana's finger and suckled. Diana couldn't help the giggle that burst from her mouth, spooking the filly who quickly came back for more. "It tickles!" Diana exclaimed as she squirted a little more milk onto her finger and offered it once more to the voraciously hungry filly. "Mother, it feels so funny!"

Bernadette was chuckling as she leaned over the box door, smiling at her daughter who was shorter than the head-height of the small foal. "Wonderful. Now try the bottle again, dear."

Diana pulled her finger away, still giggling, and offered the bottle.

The filly readily took the nipple and began to greedily suck, her head following the movement of Diana's arms as she raised the bottle high and tilted it just the way her mother had taught her.

"Very good," Bernadette said. She nodded with approval. "You're a natural, Diana."

Diana grinned at the praise. After a moment, while she held the bottle up despite the ache in her arms starting to grow, she turned to look at her mother. "Can I name her?"

"Well." Bernadette shrugged, lips curving into a smile. "Since you seem to be the one caring for her, I think it's within your right to give her a name."

"Blossom," Diana blurted—if she'd told the truth, she'd had the name on her lips all day—and burst into a broad smile. "I'm naming her Blossom, because that's exactly what I'm going to help her do!"

"It suits her." Bernadette opened the box door and slid inside, sidling up behind her daughter to help bear the weight of the heavy bottle while Blossom suckled away. "It's a beautiful name, Diana."

The two stood together in the box, Diana nursing the little filly while Bernadette supervised. It didn't take much longer for Blossom to drain the bottle of the milk and, after sucking a bit longer in hopes for more, take a wobbly step backwards. Milk still dripped from her muzzle.

"Look at that," Bernadette said as she took the empty bottle from her beaming daughter. "Blossom's mother might not want her, but she still has somebody to look after her." She affectionately ruffled Diana's hair. Diana looked up with a smile, reaching out to touch Blossom's neck and run her palm over the soft baby fur.

"She doesn't need Rosalie," Diana affirmed as she patted the foal's neck, turning her gaze to meet that of her charge. "Hear that, Blossom? I'll take care of you even if no one else will."

* * *

"Thank you for surprising me," Akko said as she pulled back the starched comforter of the hotel bed and clambered under the sheets. "I'm really glad you're here."

"Of course." Diana smiled as she scrunched her wet hair in the towel before returning it to the washroom. "I wouldn't miss this for the world."

"Or the gala," Akko snarked. She chuckled half-heartedly, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them as she watched Diana dressing for bed. "I'm surprised Miss Meridies let you out of that. Weren't you getting the top honors?"

Diana shrugged into her white tank top and sidled into the bed beside Akko, letting out a relieved sigh with the instant comfort of the cool sheets. "Yes, I was," she said. "But Aunt Daryl agreed to receive them for me. Besides, Miss Meridies has more of a heart than you think."

"Maybe," Akko grumbled. She stretched her legs out and flopped back against the bed, her dark, wet hair spreading across the white pillow. She yawned loudly, saying nothing else as she turned her gaze to the ceiling and lay still.

Diana didn't know what to do, what to say. Ask if Akko was alright? No, likely not. Akko wasn't the type to keep things inside, so she was probably still processing the entire evening herself. She would speak about it when she was ready. Touch her? No, she'd let Akko initiate any kind of physical affection. If Akko wanted a hug, a kiss, or anything else, she would make that much known. They could talk about Internationals, maybe, or school, or-

"Ghost Adventures?" Diana heard herself blurt. Akko's eyebrows knit together as she rolled her head to stare. Diana fumbled over her own words as she continued on. "Uh, do you—I mean, you usually—" She swallowed. "Ghost Adventures?"

Akko chuckled. She took Diana's wrist and pulled her down into a brief kiss. "I should really try to get some sleep," she said, yawning with the statement. "I have to get up early tomorrow."

Diana nodded. "Right. Of course you do." She twisted her torso and turned off the bedside lamp, blinking into the sudden darkness as she settled down against her own pillow. It wasn't long before Akko slid closer, one arm snaking around Diana's waist as she tucked herself into what she referred to as "her place": her cheek rested comfortably in the nook between Diana's neck and shoulder. Diana wrapped her arm around Akko's shoulders, pulling her closer and kissing the top of her head as the two lay together in quiet punctuated only by the laughter and shrieks of distant drunks outside or the doors of other rooms opening and shutting inside the hotel.

"Hey, Diana?"

Diana hummed, flexing her fingers against Akko's muscular arm. The other girl squirmed, lips brushing against Diana's neck in a way that made her shiver.

"Would you mind telling me a story?"

"A story?" Diana's brows furrowed and she stared up at the ceiling, at the patterns of the shadows as they rearranged slowly with the moon shifting through the curtains. No one had asked her to tell a story before and, well, she didn't consider herself to be the creative type.

"Yeah," Akko said. She slid her fingers beneath Diana's tank top, running her hand over the smooth skin of her abdomen in the way she liked to do when she was feeling particularly snuggly. "A story."

Diana drew a long breath, watching the shadows sway and wishing that something would come to a mind that had suddenly grown blank. What kind of stories would Akko be into? Fairytales? Diana knew she read manga, but she didn't know what any of those were about at  _all_  and she certainly couldn't come up with anything on the fly.

So she figured she would just go with what she knew. Her own life. Her own experiences.

"Have I ever told you about a little filly named Blossom?" Diana asked, enjoying the feeling of Akko's fingernails dragging across her hip bones. "She was one of our foals a long time ago."

Akko shook her head, a gentle movement against Diana's collarbone. Her breath was warm on skin that still felt fresh and new from the hot shower. "Uh-uh."

"Alright." Diana took a deep breath. And, with careful hands stroking against Akko's arms and neck and with even more careful words, Diana began to tell the story of the little orphaned filly named Blossom.

* * *

"Mother, I'm scared for her."

A brisk morning had turned into the pinnacle of a spring day, the sun warming Diana's face as she gazed on at her mother leading Rosalie into the small paddock. The mare seemed quite docile, a far cry from how she reacted when Blossom had tried to nurse the few times Diana had seen, and dipped her head obediently in Bernadette's gentle guidance. The grass was lush and bright and Rosalie tugged at the lead rope, anxious to get a mouthful of what the new spring season had to offer.

"Nuh-uh, missy," Bernadette muttered to Rosalie, clicking her tongue and catching the attention of the mare. Rosalie's ears pricked forward at the familiar noise, a gentle snort rumbling through pollen-dusted nostrils as her brown eyes fell on her handler.

"It will be just fine," Bernadette said, a soft coo that Diana knew was meant for her but seemed more directed to Rosalie than anybody else. Her mother ran her fingers down the mare's face, affectionately ruffling her forelock in the process. "Blossom and Rosalie have been alongside each other for a few days now with no incident."

It was true. In fact, the night before, Blossom had sidled up to the makeshift barrier that Bernadette and Aunt Daryl had set up in the maternity box and poked her nose through the tiny hole to be met with a soft whicker and a brush of Rosalie's muzzle.

"There it is, Bernie," Aunt Daryl had whispered, unable to hide the smile on her face (which quickly disappeared as she scolded her daughters for sprinting through the aisle) and nodding her head in the direction of the mare and foal pair. "I think we should make an attempt tomorrow."

"I agree," Bernadette said, though Diana could see how her fingers tightened against the metal bar until her knuckles were white. "I must admit, it does make me fairly nervous, but if it doesn't work out we can try again another time. It's best for her to be raised by her own mother, don't you think?"

"I thought I was her mum?" Diana asked, her head cocking to the side as she stared up at her mother and Aunt. The empty bottle from an earlier feeding was still clutched in her hand. "I thought she didn't need Rosalie if she had me?"

"Darling." Bernadette knelt, combing her fingers through Diana's soft, wavy hair. "If I wasn't around, wouldn't you wish I was, even if someone else was caring for you?"

"Well, yes, I suppose, but…"

"Blossom needs her mother." Bernadette's voice was soft as she smiled into Diana's frowning face. "And if we can possibly give her that, we should make every effort to try."

Diana had nodded, had agreed. After all, Blossom did deserve to have her very own mother. Diana could feed her, but she couldn't spend every moment of the day with her. She couldn't offer what Rosalie could, if she only tried: a mother's touch, a mother's comfort, a mother's love.

But now, as she watched Aunt Daryl leading the squirming, curious filly out into the paddock, she felt the knots in her stomach growing. She didn't want anything to happen to her little Blossom. What if Rosalie lunged out? What if she bit Blossom? What if she kicked her, attacked her like she had tried once before? And, worst of all, what if Blossom had to go through the rejection all over again?

It was too much for Diana to handle, though she remained stoic and rigid, even with the tears leaking silently from the corners of her eyes.

"Mother," Diana said, licking her lips and tasting the salt of her own tears as she turned to Bernadette and Rosalie. "Do you promise Blossom will be okay?"

Bernadette opened the palm of her hand. In it, a peppermint. Rosalie gently lipped up the treat and suckled it, her large brown eyes passive as she watched the little filly being led closer.

"No matter what happens," Bernadette said, her hand still outstretched as Rosalie's lips tickled her palm, "Blossom will always have you, Diana."

* * *

It was probably the wrong story to tell, given the circumstances of the evening, and doubt had edged itself into Diana's voice around the time she felt her shoulder growing wet. She stopped her story, nibbling at her lip as she turned to look at her quietly crying girlfriend.

"Akko." She dropped her free hand from where it had been resting on Akko's elbow and took the hand that was on her waist, threading their fingers together. "I apologize, I didn't mean to upset you. I'm a terrible story-teller."

"No, it's okay," Akko said, sniffling. "It's just a little sad, that's all. Poor Blossom. I knew mares rejected foals sometimes but it's just so sad to think about and all I can think about is… is Okaasan."

Diana swallowed hard, squeezed Akko's fingers. "It was a rough night," she murmured, hoping Akko couldn't feel the way her heartbeat was slowly slipping into a faster pace but knowing she very well could. "But it'll be alright, Akko. I promise."

The air grew silent, save for the gentle sniffles as Akko quelled her tears and Diana's stuttered breaths. In that moment she thought of the text messages she'd been barraged with earlier in the day. Of all the loving things that Akko had said to her, even if they were a bit… well, Akko.

Diana had never responded.

She would. Now.

"Akko," she started, squirming as she sat up a little bit so she could look into the bright red eyes that she adored so much. "Do you know what I love the most about you?"

Akko moved with her, slinging one leg over Diana's hips. "I dunno," she murmured. "The length of my sleep shorts?"

Diana chuckled. "They do look really good on you. But, no. I really love…" She paused, working her teeth over her bottom lip in thought. "I really love how strong you are. I know it sounds cliche, but you truly are the strongest person I've ever met. You came to a foreign country without knowing a single soul to lead a team that nobody thought was even worth anything. You brought them here. To an international competition. Did you know that none of those girls had ever competed at this level before? Before now, before Games, everybody thought they were terrible riders."

She took a breath. Akko said nothing, so she went on.

"Everybody laughed at Lotte because she fell off so much. And Sucy, well, she was just so strange nobody would even interact with her. Jasminka was constantly told she'd need a Clydesdale to even be able to hold her. I once heard somebody say that Constanze would need her own special jump course instructions written in braille-"

"She's deaf, not blind."

"I know," Diana said, chuckling. "But what I'm trying to say is that, before you, everybody misjudged the girls on your team. Nobody thought they were any good at riding. Akko, they're not here because they believed in themselves. They're here because  _you_ believed in them."

"But Amanda is really good at-"

"Amanda O'Neill couldn't lead a drug sniffing dog to a hundred kilograms of cocaine sitting two meters away," Diana grumbled. At that, Akko chuckled. It made Diana smile.

"And there's more, too," Diana went on. "I love you because you're so positive. You're always in a good mood, and even when you aren't you don't take it out on other people. You're honest and not even to a fault because you're always keeping everyone's feelings in mind. You're fun, and fun _ny_ , and-"

She felt her tears starting to well up. Now was  _not_ the time to cry, Diana. It was certainly not!

"I love the way you take toast out of the toaster and spin around once like you've created some divine meal. I love how you run down my hallway just so you can slide for a meter in your socks. I love the weird giggle you do when I touch you in that ticklish spot right below your ribcage-"

Akko huffed, raised her head. "You do that  _on purpose_?"

Diana grinned. The tears pushed back into her eyes. Thank goodness. "I love how you think of creative ways to study, like taping skittles to the corners of your index cards, and the look in your eyes when you're fully focused on Games and riding Chariot. You get this really intense…" Diana paused, narrowing her eyes as she tried to re-enact the determined glare that only Akko could capture when she was about to make a move or perform a vault. "Glare."

"I do not! Besides, you stick your tongue out when you go over jumps!"

"Darn, I still do that?" Diana groaned. "I've been trying to break that habit for years."

Akko stuck her tongue out of the corner of her mouth. "I'm Diana Caphendichth and I jthump hreal ghood!"

"Stop that," Diana wailed, though she couldn't help the laughter that burst out of her. "Oh my God, I just drooled on myself," she whimpered, swiping at a brand new wet spot that had dripped onto her chest.

Akko grinned, laughing, and slurped her tongue back into her mouth.

"And," Diana added, still giggling as she wiped her wet hand against the sheets, "I love how you ruin romantic moments with ridiculous interruptions such as these."

"It's not ruining," Akko huffed, pressing a kiss to Diana's cheek. "It's enhancement."

"Yes. Enhancement." Diana mellowed, feeling her eyes soften as she met Akko's. She leaned in, capturing Akko's lips in a kiss that she wanted to last, but she pulled away anyway. "Akko, you enhance my life in  _every_ way. And for that, I love you. I love you so very much."

Akko's smile was dopey, and Diana could still see the fire burning the girl's cheeks despite the darkness. "That was… really cheesy," she stammered, her eyes darting down as the corners of her eyes crinkled beneath the force of her smile. "But I love you, too, Diana." She lifted her eyes. Met blue. "More than anything."

"I'm not asking you to love me more than anything at all," Diana said. She pulled Akko in, squeezed her tight. "Especially Chariot. Just love me the most you can and I'll be quite content."

"Deal." Akko snuggled back in, sighing contentedly. Down the hall, a conversation droned into the slamming of a door. A vehicle backfired somewhere in the streets below, followed by a loud shout.

"Hey, Diana?"

"Hm?" Diana settled back into the pillow, ignoring the tickle of Akko's bangs against her neck.

"You didn't finish the story."

The corner of her mouth cricked into a smile. "You're right," Diana said. "I didn't."

* * *

Rosalie's tail swished contentedly as she stood under Bernadette's watchful gaze. At Aunt Daryl's side, Blossom shimmied left and right, not used to being led and confused as to why she was no longer in her box. When she saw Rosalie, her little muzzle outstretched and she let out a long, excited whinny. The mare turned, whickering in response and bobbing her head up and down.

Diana clenched her fingers tight around the wood from where she had clambered up the fence rails to watch. Bernadette had insisted she stay out of the way-just in case things went awry-and so Diana had gotten as close as she could so that, if things  _did_  go wrong, she could run in and rescue Blossom. She watched her little filly nervously, her teeth worrying her bottom lip as the pair grew closer.

"That's a girl, Rosa," Bernadette whispered, cupping the mare's cheek and smiling. The mare's hooves had started to move beneath her, dancing in anticipation. "It's just your little Blossom. You know Blossom, don't you?"

"I sure hope so," Aunt Daryl grunted in response. She was no longer hauling Blossom. No, quite the opposite, Blossom was hauling her. She tugged toward her mother, eager to nurse.

"Ready, Bernie?"

"Ready, Daryl."

"Ready, Diana?"

"Ready, mother."

Diana crossed her fingers.

Bernadette held Rosalie firm, cooing gentle words into the mare's flickering ears as Aunt Daryl let the rope slacken in her hand and Blossom moved forward. She followed alongside the little filly, one hand resting on the foal's soft back as she moved, until her nose was snuffling about beneath Rosalie's underside. With her other hand, Daryl guided the filly forward.

Diana was holding her breath. She could feel her face growing red, could feel her pulse racing.

And, all at once, Rosalie's ears perked back up. She turned in Bernadette's loosened grip, her whiskered muzzle finding Blossom's neck, and nudged her once. Twice. Three times, until the filly latched onto the teat and began to nurse.

And two long, consecutive sighs left the throats of Bernadette and Aunt Daryl. Where she stood on the fence, watching on as Bernadette slowly released Rosalie and Aunt Daryl backed way from Blossom, Diana began to cry. She didn't cry because she lost motherhood of the filly. No, she cried because Blossom had gotten her mother  _back_ , because Rosalie had learned her role in the long days that were spent acquainting the two.

Rosalie wasn't a bad mother at all. No, she just needed a little bit of guidance the whole time.

* * *

"I don't get why you stopped at the sad part," Akko grumbled drowsily, her fingers tightening around the skin of Diana's waist. "That was a happy ending. Blossom got her mother back!"

"She did. And we kept her. She turned into a wonderful broodmare herself. She's still on the farm, actually."

Silence again. This time, nothing from outside. Nothing but breaths mingling together, slowing with the oncoming prospect of sleep. Until Akko spoke.

"Do you think Okaasan will come around?" she asked. The sad tone of her voice made Diana swallow hard and turn her head to rest her lips against Akko's forehead.

"I don't know, Akko." Diana couldn't predict the future. Nor could she interpret the cultural differences and the predictability of a parent warming up to something that was looked upon so negatively. She couldn't promise that Okaasan would one day welcome Diana, or if anything happened, whoever Akko was with, into her home. But she did know one thing.

"But no matter what happens," she whispered, her lips whispering a kiss against her girlfriend's forehead. "You'll always have me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how many horse parallels can one person make in a single story? WATCH ME AND FIND OUT.


	55. Internationals pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this became long
> 
> too long, some might say
> 
> i am not editing this and no one can make me so i put faith in the accuracy of my fingers and the speed of my brain

 

* * *

**AKKO**

* * *

There was still an hour to go before the opening ceremony, and Akko was a mess of anxious energy as she, once again, checked the navy and gold ribbons that she'd wrapped around Chariot's crownpiece and noseband. The whole team had banded together in a frantic but excited frenzy as they decorated their ponies with the Luna Nova colors. Diana had suggested that they use colored ribbons for braiding manes as well, but Akko had very pointedly stated:

"We can't braid their manes. We need them loose to help with vaulting."

However, she  _had_  conceded in letting Diana at  _least_  French braid the top of Chariot's tail with the ribbons, which were neatly tied and draped over her pony's shining golden tail.

They even all had customized saddle pads. Navy with gold trim, their names in white block lettering on each:

_SHINY CHARIOT_

_SHOOTING STAR_

_COOKIE DOUGH_

_FRIENDLY SPIRIT_

_STANBOT_

_MAGIC MUSHROOM_

The girls matched, too. Each had fitted Luna Nova colored helmet colors, hand-made by Jasminka, over their jockey helmets. And, rising from their polished paddock boots over their black breeches were navy and gold striped socks that reached almost to their knees. Their jerseys were hidden beneath coats and jackets. The indoor stadium they'd be competing in was heated, but the stabling area was not.

"She looks wonderful," Diana said as she slipped into the stall, pressing a small Styrofoam cup of hot chocolate into Akko's hand. And, with a kiss to the cheek, added, "And so do you."

"Thanks," Akko said, blowing into the mouth of the lid and smiling back at her girlfriend. She was shivering a little bit, but she honestly couldn't tell if it was from nerves or the cold. She tugged her Mounted Games jacket a little tighter around her body, leaning into Diana's shoulder, and ran a thumb gingerly over Chariot's temple. The mare was happily chomping away at her hay and Akko consistently picked out the bits that got stuck in her forelock.

"Hey, Akko," Amanda called from where she was sitting on a tack trunk outside Star's stall. Her own pony was prodding at the metal bars, feeling the energy that meant he would soon be doing his favorite thing. "We should go over the line-up one more time, just real quick."

Akko nodded, reaching into her right sock where she kept her own line-up safely tucked. "Sounds good," she replied. She glanced at Diana, who nodded knowingly and smiled before planting a kiss to the corner of Akko's mouth.

"I'll find a place in the stands with Hannah. Good luck, babe."

"You look like a love-struck puppy," Amanda joked, watching Akko stare after Diana as she disappeared down the barn aisle. "Are you going to be able to focus today, or are you going to be too busy staring at Gayvendish?"

Akko smirked, sipping her hot chocolate and plopping down on the tack trunk next to Amanda with her own folded line-up in hand. "I think I can manage to pay attention for a little while."

Amanda shrugged. "Whatever you say, Gaygari."

"Gay Neill."

"Doesn't work. Nice try."

"Gaymanda."

Amanda huffed, rolling her eyes and smoothing out her line-up. "Better, I guess. Hey, ladies! Come look at this with us."

"Alright, here's what we've got," Akko started once the rest of the team had gathered. Lotte looked like a nervous wreck. Her orange hair was askew from running her hands through it so much. On the other end of the spectrum, Sucy looked like she'd taken a handful of Xanax—though Akko knew that was just her usual demeanor—and crossed her arms as she yawned and stared at Amanda and Akko through half-drooped eyes.

Akko cleared her throat and read from the top:

"Race One, Poles. Amanda, Jas, Lotte, me as anchor."

She glanced up. No comments. That meant everybody agreed.

"Two, Bottle Shuttle. Amanda, Sucy, Lotte, me as anchor.

Three, Mug Shuffle. Sucy, Lotte, Jas, Amanda as anchor.

Four, Hula Hoop. Cons, Lotte, Sucy, Amanda as anchor.

Five, Litter. Cons, Sucy, Jas, me as anchor."

Still nothing. No objections. She continued.

"Six, Lancing. Lotte, Jas, Sucy, Amanda as anchor.

Seven, Windsor. Me, Amanda, Lotte, Cons as anchor."

A nod of affirmation from Cons, where she stood beside Jasminka with her arms crossed over her chest. With Stan being so short, it was easy for her to reach into the bucket and then place the ball atop the castle without a mistake. It was her best race.

"Eight, Pony Express. Cons, Lotte, Jas, Amanda as anchor."

"You know I can't vault," Jasminka said, brows stitching together as confusion settled over her expression.

"And the bag spooks Spirit," Lotte added. "He gets really difficult to handle when I'm trying to vault back on."

"Look." Akko sighed, lowering the line-up with a resolute nod. "I realize that this race is probably going to be a sacrifice for us. But, hey, we're not that good at it anyway. Let's just do the best we can and go for accuracy. Maybe the other teams will mess up. Anything can happen."

A murmur of agreement went through the team. Amanda clapped a hand over Akko's shoulder and squeezed.

"Alright." Akko took a deep breath. "Nine is Joust. Cons, Jas, Sucy, Lotte as anchor."

"Wait, I'm not in that one?" Amanda asked.

Akko lowered the sheet of paper. "No. You make Star do that rearing stuff trying to act cool with the joust and you lose us seconds every time."

"But I won't do it this—"

Akko rolled her eyes. "You Pavlov'd your pony! He  _knows_ to rear now whenever you do the hand-off. No, Amanda. Sit this one out."

"Fine," Amanda grumbled. "But never Psychology at me again."

"We'll see," Akko mumbled back. "Anyway, last race. Four flag. Cons, Sucy, Lotte, me as anchor."

"Aw, I'm not in that one, either?"

"Amanda, you can't hold Star still long enough to get the flag in. You'll sit there and dance around it and curse for who knows how long."

"Okay, true. Fair." Amanda shrugged and stood from the tack trunk, dusting off her breeches and adding a sarcastic, "Sounds good, Captain."

Akko nodded, ignoring the tone in Amanda's voice. It did look good for the first day—save for Pony Express—and she was of the mindset that they'd be fairly competitive. Plus, there were only two races that necessitated vaulting. One of which would be just fine without her.

All in all, it was shaping up to be a good day of competition. The ponies were ready, the team was ready, Luna Nova was ready.

Akko glanced down at her wrist, twisted it to the side and clenched her fist. There was no pain, no hint of anything wrong. She grinned.

She was ready.

* * *

The nerves were setting in. She couldn't help it. It was an international competition and she was representing a team from the university of her dreams. Akko steeled herself, her right hand clenched down on the navy blue cotton reins. Chariot, sensing the professional atmosphere and nervous energy, stood rigid. Her nostrils flared as she lifted her head and drew in the scent of the arena, of the people, of the other horses.

"And Andrew Hanbridge, Captain, riding Ali al Malik."

"Of course that dumb horse would have a name like that," Sucy grumbled. "Couldn't name him anything normal like Black Mold or A Raging Asshole's Unfortunate Mount."

Akko chuckled, grateful for the joke considering all the other teams had been addressed and it was time for Luna Nova to make their entrance. She held Chariot to the side, taking a deep breath as she regarded her nervous teammates with a grin that she hoped would make them feel a little better. "Alright, guys, ready?"

"Representing Luna Nova University from Exeter, UK," the announcer began—

The other teams had walked out, one-by-one, until they found their lane and grouped together to hold their ponies. But Akko had decided that was not how Luna Nova was to be introduced. No, they were a team. And they would walk out as a team. In sync, the six stepped from the entryway and into the arena.

The announcer fumbled for a moment before starting.

"Constanze Amalie von Braunschbank-Albrechtsberger riding Stanbot."

He'd gotten her name right. It came out fluent and unadulterated by stuttering or mispronunciation, as though he'd practiced multiple times. The shocked look on Constanze's face said it all as she nodded and raised her free hand.

A slew of cheers erupted from one side of the stadium. Akko's attention floated there for a moment.

Navy and gold flags with LNU were being waved around. A few students were holding a massive banner in navy and gold that read:

LUNA NOVA, RUN 'EM OVA!

And another that said:

RIDE STRONG, LUNA NOVA!

There were so many people. Some riders that she recognized from the stable. Avery was there with the rest of the Dressage team. And regular students, too. Some she'd seen in a few of her Psychology classes.

And Diana, standing and cheering alongside a clearly excited Hannah.

Only the Jump team was absent—except for Miss Ursula. She stood next to Miss Nelson, a wide grin spread across her face as she waved her own Luna Nova flag.

Akko felt her face light into flames as she turned her attention back to her team as the six of them continued their walk into the arena, toward their first lane which waited on the opposite side. She could feel the eyes of the five other teams bearing down on them.

"Jasminka Antonenko riding Cookie Dough."

More cheers. Loud screams that reminded Akko that Jasminka's family was there. Jasminka's mouth spread into a big grin as she pumped her fist into the air.

"Sucy Manbavaran riding Magic Mushroom."

Sucy nodded. Mushroom yawned.

"Lotte Jansson riding Friendly Spirit."

Lotte smiled timidly and patted Spirit's neck. He snorted, swished his cream-colored tail to the side, and glanced around before obediently moving with the other ponies once more.

"Amanda O'Neill, Assistant to the Captain, riding Shooting Star."

"Assistant to the Captain?" Amanda blurted, probably a little too loudly. "I'm Assistant Captain! Different. Did one of you—"

Jasminka covered her mouth with her open palm and laughed loudly. Sucy had turned her head and was snickering into her shoulder. Even Constanze was wheezing with laughter. Only Lotte looked confused.

"Jas, I will cunt punt you to—"

"And, finally, Atsuko Kagari, Captain, riding Shiny Chariot."

"Yeah, Akko!"

"Go get 'em, Red!"

"You can do it, Akko!"

Akko flushed, dipped her chin, and raised her hand weakly in the air. The amount of support that was coming from the Luna Nova side of the stadium was all so overwhelming and she didn't really know how to respond. She glanced over, nodded, smiled.

And at the bottom row, in seats that were surrounded by excited students, her eyes fell on Otousan and Okaasan. They waved and smiled back. Otousan had somehow gotten his hands on an LNU flag and was waving it, completely disregarding the dismayed look on Okaasan's face.

They'd come.

Even after the night before, they'd come.

Akko's smile spread to a grin as their ponies came to a stop at the end of their lane.

"Everybody, please welcome the six teams that will compete in this year's International Collegiate Mounted Games Competition. Riders, mount your ponies."

Akko slid her foot into the stirrup and swung into the saddle. Chariot remained still, dipping her head beneath the pressure of the reins, her ears flicking back in wait for her rider's command.

"You are given five minutes to warm up through the poles. When you hear the whistle, please return to the security box."

"I'll go first," Amanda said, plucking the baton out of the arena assistant's hands as she sent Star into a bolting gallop to the poles. The rest of the team went slow, steady. Took their times navigating the poles, making sure their hand-offs were on point and ready to go.

And they were ready. As ready as they'd ever be.

Akko looked down at the white anchor band that she held in her hand and closed her eyes, expelling her anxiety with one long, slow sigh, and tugged the band firmly over her helmet.

* * *

**RACE ONE: SPEED WEAVERS**

_Each team member will weave through the five poles in their lanes, turning at the last pole to return while weaving back to the start and passing the baton to the next rider once crossing the changeover line. The last rider will finish with the baton in hand._

"Riders to the start line."

Amanda stepped forward, her hands tight around the reins and the baton as she sat atop her very excited pony. Star reared, hopping on his hind hooves as he spun in place, ready to go at the most subtle hint from his rider.

The other ponies lined up, equally disobedient, equally ready to go. Frank, atop his own pony, turned and flashed a smile at Lotte as he straightened out and turned back to the flag.

The arena official raised the flag, held it. Star danced wildly as Amanda struggled to keep him straight.

The flag fell.

Six ponies bolted to a frenzy of cheers from the onlookers, each cheering for their respective school, for the respective rider. From the Luna Nova area, Akko could barely make out Hannah's desperate shrieks of support for Amanda and Star.

Star was easily the fastest pony of the six, but just barely. A pony from Ridgetown was hurtling behind him and managed to get a nose in front with a tighter turn around the last pole. But Star soon made up the ground, his eyes flashing with determination as Amanda booted him home and passed the baton to Jasminka, who was waiting with her arm outstretched.

Cookie took off, and in the moment it took his larger body to lurch forward, the Canadian team took the lead.

"Come on, Jas!" Amanda was screaming as she gasped for air and whirled a hyped Star to watch. She stood in her irons, her chest heaving as she pumped a fist into the air. "Go get 'em!"

But by the time Jasminka had passed the baton to Lotte, the team had slipped to third. The team from the U.S. had missed a hand-off and were still on their second rider. Appleton was far ahead, with their third pony already making the turn around the final pole. The South African team had overtaken Canada for second.

Spirit was one of the slower ponies, but Lotte's nervous energy fed into him. She wailed her legs at his side, nearly knocking a pole with her heel, and whipped him around the last pole with precision.

Akko moved to the start line. Chariot was no longer standing quietly but bouncing on her hooves, dancing with unbridled energy for the race to come. Her ears wavered back and forth, nose tugging at the firm hold on the reins as she skittered about.

Akko stretched her hand out and tensed her jaw, ready.

"Go, Akko!" Lotte screamed as she slammed the baton into Akko's waiting hand.

And the pair were off.

Within a few strides they'd overtaken South Africa. Chariot lunged forward—she was faster and stronger than Akko remembered, perhaps from how athletic she'd become from jumping as well—and each stride seemed to devour the ground beneath them as Chariot whipped around the poles. She spun at the final pole, pausing only for a second before launching into the air and heading for home.

"Appleton first!"

It was too late for first. Andrew was already standing in the irons atop his black Arabian, sneering and raising an arm in victory.

But that was fine, because they were almost there. Akko leaned forward, her feet barely still in the stirrups as she pumped her arms to the finish—

"Ridgetown second! Luna Nova third! That was close!"

Akko's head whirled as Chariot crossed the line and raced into the security box, turning at the end of the arena and huffing as Akko pulled her to a stop. At the last moment, Canada had somehow overtaken them and put a hoof across the line first.

Akko sighed and shook her head. If they had been just a little bit quicker, a little bit more accurate…

But there was no time to dwell. They could only move forward.

* * *

**RACE TWO: BOTTLE SHUTTLE**

_The first rider starts with a bottle and rides to the first bin, where they place the bottle standing upright. At the second bin at the end of the arena, the rider collects the bottle and hands it over to the next rider. The second rider rides to the second bin and places the bottle upright, then gathers the bottle from the first bin closest to the security box to hand off to the second rider. The third rider repeats the actions of rider one. The fourth rider repeats the actions of rider two, finishing with the bottle in hand._

Amanda was  _not_ the best choice for this race, and Akko soon realized that when Star whirled too close to the second bin and knocked it completely over. Akko could hear Amanda's discouraged groan as she leapt off her pony as she returned the barrel to standing and grabbed the bottle, vaulting awkwardly back onto Star's back as they raced for home.

Their hand-offs went clean and Sucy and Lotte were accurate, but the mistake had cost them the race. Bottle Shuttle was quick-paced and a single error, especially one as devastating as Amanda's, would put them out of the competition.

So by the time Lotte handed the bottle to Akko, there was nothing she could do. St. Andrew's was already crossing the line for fifth place, and so she merely cantered Chariot as she set the bottle delicately on the first bin and gathered the bottle from the second. She clenched her jaw as she crossed the line, dropping the bottle to the ground for the arena volunteer to collect. She was upset, sure, but she couldn't let that show. No, not as the leader of the team. The look on Amanda's face told her that the mistake had already done damage to her self-esteem.

And so Akko raised her flashing crimson eyes to meet the defeated stares of her teammates and she smiled in what she hoped was a reassuring way.

"We have eight more races," Akko stated, sitting up straight stop a jigging Chariot. "Let's forget this one and show them what Luna Nova can really do."

* * *

**RACE THREE: MUG SHUFFLE**

_There are four poles in line in the lane, a mug on poles one and three, and two riders at each end of the arena. Rider one takes the mug off the first pole and places it on the second, then takes the mug off the third pole and places it on the fourth. When the rider crosses the changeover line, the second rider at the other end of the arena moves the mug on pole four to three, then the mug on pole two to one. No poles can be knocked over and must be reset by the rider if they are._

_Rider three repeats the actions of rider one. Rider four repeats the actions of rider two. There are no hand-offs._

Akko ripped the white anchor band from her helmet and tossed it to Amanda, reaching over and slugging her gently on the bicep. "You've got this. Don't let that last race bother you. You and Star can ace this one."

"And we will," Amanda agreed with a smirk and a wink as she turned with Lotte and the two trotted off to the other end of the arena.

Akko knew which races she was good at. She also knew which races she was bad at. And, in all honesty, the races involving mugs on poles were the knife to her Achilles. She could  _do_  it, if forced, sure, but her accuracy was not quite there and there was a 50/50 chance she would drop a mug, a pole, or both. And so instead she relaxed in the saddle, choosing instead to cheer for her teammates as the flag fell and Sucy and Mushroom launched from the starting box.

This was Sucy's best race. Though not the fastest rider, she was accurate and able to keep Mushroom in a straight line at a full gallop. She gathered each mug with a swing of her arm and slammed them home on the next pole, each iron mug still rattling on its new home as she crossed the changeover line and Lotte took over.

The U.S. was in the lead, but Luna Nova and St. Andrews weren't too far behind. For a moment, Appleton was right alongside, but Frank was head-to-head with Lotte when he missed getting a mug on a pole and had to turn around. Akko couldn't help but wonder if he'd done that on purpose, because he didn't look all that upset about it even though Andrew was screaming obscenities from where he waited to go on his own pony.

Constanze held Stan tight next to Akko. The smaller pony was ready to go and hadn't gotten a chance yet, but Constanze put a reassuring hand on his withers and stroked.

"C'mon, Jaz!" Akko screamed as Jasminka took off and slammed each mug home, accurate to a tee, to cross the line for Amanda to take over.

Star nearly launched clear into the air as he took off, his muzzle outstretched as he erupted into a full gallop. Amanda's teeth were bared with concentration as she stood in the irons, one hand pumping for Star to go faster as she reached out—

She was going too fast. There was no way. She was being reckless. Akko held her breath.

Amanda snatched the mug off the first pole and, with a swing of her arm, slammed it down on the second.

"YEAH, BABY!" Hannah shrieked from the stands. "Show them what you've got!"

"Sweet Briar first."

St. Andrew's was meeting her hoof for hoof. Amanda grasped the next mug, the pole waving wildly but not falling as she pushed Star even faster.

Her arm swung in a wide arc. The metal of the mug rang out as it landed on the pole, swirling but staying as Amanda let her arm finish its motion. She clucked loudly, pumping a hand into Star's mane to ask for more, if he even had it.

He did.

"Luna Nova second. St. Andrews third."

Akko broke into a grin, stood in the irons, and raised a hand to high-five a very out-of-breath Amanda as she slowed Star, turned, and shot finger guns at Hannah.

* * *

**RACE FOUR: HULA HOOP**

_A single hula hoop is placed in the very center of each lane, delimited in area by four poles formed in a square. Three riders remain in the security box, while a single rider moves to the other end of the arena beyond the changeover lane._

_Riders one and two go to the hula hoop, where rider one dismounts, picks up the hula hoop, and passes it completely over their body to return it to the ground while rider two holds their pony._

_At the changeover lane, rider three assumes the role of the escort while rider two performs the actions of rider one. At the start line, rider two is replaced by rider four, and the actions are repeated._

_Rider one assumes the role of the escort as rider four repeats the actions of the previous riders and passes through the hula hoop._

_If any poles are knocked over during the race, the offending rider must replace the pole to an upright position._

Akko would be sitting out once more. She was good at this race, being quick and athletic and the best vaulter on the team, but that was exactly the issue. She would possibly injure herself if she vaulted, and so with a sigh she resigned herself to observation. But not before shooting a look to the stands, where she was met with a wave and a smile from a grinning Diana. She waved back. Otousan, too, offered a quiet acknowledgment.

"Riders to changeover."

Sucy clucked to Mushroom and the two trotted slowly to the other end of the arena, carefully going around the equipment that had been set up for the race.

"What, Kagari? Don't know how to hula hoop?"

Akko turned to the source of the taunt to find Andrew, a white band tugged low over his helmet, as he sneered in her direction. She could have replied—a good number of comebacks came to her almost immediately—but she refrained. No, now was not the time to argue with Andrew Hanbridge. It was time to lead her team.

Constanze and Lotte stood side-by-side in the start box, Lotte's hand already clutching the offered rein of Stan.

This was a race that Luna Nova had practiced very specifically. Most teams would bring their ponies to a halt and the rider would hop off to go through the hula hoop, then jump back on and race to the other end of the arena.

But Akko had learned quite a bit from her Australian friend, and a better approach to the race was something that she'd brought to Luna Nova. Escort riders were permitted to hold the ponies for the duration, and so that was something that they had decided to use to their advantage.

So when the flag fell, Stan and Spirit bolted into a quick canter, falling behind as riders from the other team leapt into a full gallop. Stan was already being held firmly by Lotte, so instead of waiting to get to the hoop itself, Constanze leapt from atop her pony and sprinted clear across the lane to pull the hula hoop over her body and drop it. And, as the other riders were still going through the hula hoop, Stan and Spirit were cantering by. Constanze seized the vault strap around Stan's neck and leapt cleanly onto her pony and the pair bolted into a gallop. After having started well behind the others, Luna Nova had taken a clear lead as every other pony had been brought to a stop to wait for their riders.

The technique worked like a charm. Akko cheered loudly as their lead grew, as each of her teammates landed their vaults perfectly and made no mistakes, working in tandem. Even as they slowed down when Lotte gathered Star and struggled to keep him under control, it didn't matter. The other teams had no chance.

"Luna Nova first!" the announcer shrilled as Amanda and Lotte sped across the finish line.

Akko found Andrew's gaze from across the arena and, with a smirk, gave a curt nod before turning Chariot away from him completely.

* * *

**RACE FIVE: LITTER LIFTERS**

_A bin sits upright in the center of the lane. At the end of the lane, on the changeover line, rest four cartons with the open ends facing away from the riders. The first rider begins with a long pole, a litter stick, and will rush to the end of the lane. The rider must collect the carton on the end of the stick while mounted, then drop the carton into the open bin and hand off the litter stick to the next rider. Riders two, three, and four repeat. Any cartons missing the bin must be recovered utilizing the litter stick, though the rider can be mounted or dismounted._

The litter race was one of Akko's favorites. She caught the anchor band when Amanda tossed it over and tugged it snuggly over her helmet and watched as the arena volunteer handed Constanze the litter stick. She and Stan jigged to the start box as she adjusted the equipment in her hands.

But, just as the other ponies had lined up, ready to go with the flag raised, a pony from Ridgetown reared up and followed it with a strong buck, throwing his rider completely before bolting across the arena.

"Loose horse," a chorus of voices rang out, followed by the announcer with a bellowing, "Riders dismount."

Akko hopped off Chariot, turning her to face away from the middle of the arena where the snorting bay pony dodged every attempt at a catch.

"They should just put the Luna Nova riders over there instead of the cartons," Andrew snarked from the lane next to them as he patted at his pony's shoulder. "They're garbage enough."

Frank frowned. "Andrew, knock it off. There's no—"

"I swear to Secretariat's rotted testicles, I will rip you off that fancy pony and dump you in the bin myself," Amanda swore, her nose curling in distaste as she shot a glare at Andrew that Akko was sure could have burned a hole through steel. Star, feeling her temper, shot his head into the air and flashed his teeth.

"If you can even catch him on that slow nag," Andrew retorted, rolling his eyes and turning away. His Arabian snorted and pawed at the ground, his neck glistening with sweat from running hard. His barrel heaved from the energy he'd already exerted.

"Riders mount," the announcer called. Akko swung back into the saddle, adjusting her seat and gathering the reins. Over in the Canadian lane, the pony was returned to his uninjured rider for remount.

The riders moved back to the starting box. Stan pawed at the ground, tossing his head up and down, eager to run.

The flag fell, and he did just that.

This may have been one of Akko's favorite races, but it was Constanze's best. Stan was low to the ground and Constanze had the precision of a surgeon from all the tinkering and engineering she did, and so as her pony rounded the far end of the lane, she dropped low on his side and effortlessly scooped a carton onto the end of the stick. And, without slowing in stride, the pair easily dumped the carton before handing the stick off to Sucy.

Luna Nova had the lead, but the U.S. wasn't far behind. South Africa was still struggling to get the litter on the end of the stick, and Frank was reaching out to hand off to the next Appleton rider.

"Give me the anchor band," Amanda demanded.

"What?" Akko turned to her friend, eyebrows knitting together. "What are you talking about?"

"Give. Me. The. Band," Amanda repeated, her voice loud as she glared over Akko's head. Akko turned to see Andrew laughing with another rider and it clicked. He was anchor, too. "I'll show that piece of shit who's faster. Give it to me."

"No way," Akko said. "You know you're not that great at litter. Save your match race for when we're  _not_  at internationals." She threw a glance to their lane. Sucy was handing off to Jasminka. She'd be next.

Amanda's hand shot forward in an attempt to grab at Akko's helmet, seizing the band and tugging. "I won't miss," she hissed, struggling to keep a wily Star under control as she tried to steal Akko's anchor. "I promise, Akko. Just let me do this. I want to rub his nose into the ground."

Akko ducked away and the band snapped back onto her helmet. "Back off, Amanda. Now. We're not doing this. Be the better person and just ignore Andrew."

She turned Chariot and stepped up to the line, her heart racing with nervous energy from her interaction with Amanda. Jasminka had missed the carton but had circled around again and speared it on her second try. She dumped it into the bin, held the stick upright, and slammed it tightly into Akko's hand.

Chariot surged across the starting line, overtaking the U.S. who had briefly taken the lead, and raced for the end of the arena. Akko was already moving her leg to hook around the back of her saddle as she hung low off the side of her pony, the stick parallel to the ground, ready to spear the final carton.

The little chestnut mare whirled in the perfect arc that she and Akko had practiced so many times, giving Akko a perfectly straight approach to the cartons. Unimpeded by the previous three ponies, it slid smoothly onto the edge of the stick like it belonged there the entire time.

They were off again, galloping at full speed. Akko dipped the end of the stick into the bin, watched as the carton slid off, and arced her arm behind her, still clutching the stick as they sped across the line.

Her team was screaming her name.

They'd crossed the line first. Why had the announcer not said anything?

"Sweet Briar first."

"What?" Akko shouted in confusion, whirling with the stick still tight in her hand. "What the—"

"Akko," Lotte yelled over the roar of the stadium. "The anchor band!"

Immediately, Akko's gaze shot to the lane. The white band on her helmet had fallen off and was resting near the bin, partially covered in sand. Amanda must have tugged it loose.

"Appleton second."

And, technically, Luna Nova  _still_  hadn't finished the race because the anchor  _had_  to be wearing the band when they crossed the finish.

Her heels dug into Chariot's side as she shot back across the start line. She leapt off her pony, sand spraying everywhere with the impact of her paddock boots, and grabbed the band. She tugged it unceremoniously over her helmet before re-mounting and racing back over the line.

"Luna Nova fifth."

Akko clenched her teeth. Hard. Threw the stick angrily to the ground. Amanda shrank back as crimson eyes burning with fury met hers.

"I—I—"

"Beaulieu sixth. Next race is Sword Lancers. A short break while set up the equipment."

Akko said nothing. She  _couldn't_ let any words leave her mouth, because she knew that she'd be ripping Amanda to shreds and that was not something that needed to happen right then. So instead she looked at the Luna Nova section to find Diana, hoping the sight of her girlfriend would bring her a little bit of resolve.

But Diana, it seemed, had come out of the race in the same mood as Akko. Her face was bright red, matching that of Hannah, as the two hissed angry, unheard words at each other.

So, instead, Akko tugged the band off her head and threw it at Amanda, remembering the words Diana had uttered the night before:

" _Amanda couldn't lead a drug sniffing dog to a hundred kilograms of cocaine sitting two meters away."_

Akko plucked her jersey up, held it over her mouth, and laughed into the fabric as her fury melted away.

* * *

**RACE SIX: SWORD LANCERS**

_There are four evenly spaced poles in the lane with a ring attached to the top of each. Rider one and three remain by the security box, while riders two and four move to the opposite end of the arena. Rider one starts with a sword, which can only be gripped by the handle, and spears a single ring off a pole before handing off to rider two. Riders two, three, and four repeat until all four rings are gathered on the sword._

_If a ring falls to the ground, the rider must retrieve it while holding the sword. Poles knocked in this race do not have to be reset._

Lotte collected the sword from the volunteer as Jasminka and Amanda trotted to the other end of the arena. Akko could see the focus lighting in her friend's eyes as she sat atop a very quiet Spirit, rotating the wooden sword in her hand and biting her lip as she stared down the lane at the large metal rings.

She was nervous. Lotte was not a fan of lancing—the rings were heavy and she said they noise of the metal clanging together spooked Spirit—but she was  _good_  at it. And that was exactly why Akko had put her first. She would only need to carry one ring, so there would be no noise at all.

"You'll do great, Lotte," Sucy offered, reaching over to pat Lotte on the thigh.

"Yeah, you've got it, babe!" Frank called from the next lane. He blew a kiss, which Akko was grateful for because it resulted in Lotte laughing.

"Yeah," she said, stepping up to the starting box. "We'll do just fine."

And she did. When the flag fell and Spirit rushed forward in a straight line, Lotte shot her arm forward and slid the first ring easily onto the sword. The ring yanked free, the pole swaying hard to the side, and Lotte adjusted her grip on the handle for a smooth hand-off to Jasminka.

Jasminka bypassed the ring closest to their end of lane (a strategy that Akko had come up with, so that the anchor could spear the first ring quickly and then all-out gallop home) and hooked the second. She threw her arm into it, yanking so hard that the pole went flying to the side. Either way, it didn't matter. She had the ring, and Sucy was waiting on a patient Mushroom.

They weren't in the lead, but they weren't doing poorly. Canada was already on their anchor—their ponies were  _fast_ —but the U.S. had dropped their sword and St. Andrews had missed a hand-off. South Africa and Appleton were ahead, but only barely.

"Go, Sucy!" Akko screamed. Sucy had a habit of holding back, saying that Mushroom wasn't fast enough. But he  _was_ , and everybody knew that. Still, she kept a steady pace as she stood in the irons and speared the ring on the second pole, delicately lifting it before galloping toward Amanda.

"Ridgetown first."

South Africa had missed a hand-off and were circling around. Andrew's hand was outstretched to receive the sword from the previous rider.

Andrew's Arabian leapt forward a full two seconds before Amanda, but Amanda was determined. Her face scrunched with determination as she threw her arm out and speared the ring closest to her, shouting for Star to, "Go!" as she raced for the finish line. But Andrew was strides in front from having the head start and he crossed first, dropping the sword to the ground with a loud clang of metal.

"Appleton second. Luna Nova third."

"See?" Andrew said, laughing, as he whirled the Arabian on his hindquarters to face a panting Amanda. "Maybe you can outrun me in your dreams."

"Bullshit," Amanda growled, angrily throwing the sword to the ground. "That wasn't even a fair race. You were ahead of me already."

"Well maybe if your team wasn't so—"

"Amanda," Akko hissed, reaching out to snag the sleeve of her friend's jersey. She tugged. Hard. "Get over here. Now."

Andrew burst into laughter. "Oh-hoh, watch out, O'Neill. Now you're in trouble with the great Atsuko Kagari."

Amanda made a turn to say something back, but Akko quickly said, "Don't," and instead led Amanda over to the very edge of their area of the security box.

"Look," she said, turning to regard Amanda with an intense stare. "I get that he's a jerk. And he's going to keep being a jerk. But we're here to compete, not to get into a fight with a hard-headed asshole. Put your energy into the team and maybe you can help us turn things around."

Amanda pursed her lips. Sweat trickled down the side of her temple, dripping from a thick strand of wet, red hair. "I know," she finally said with a resigned sigh. "I just… he gets to me, you know? I've got a brother at home that acts just like him."

"Well, save it," Akko replied. She pulled her feet from the stirrups and stretched her legs before taking them back up. "I'm counting on you, Amanda. We all are."

Amanda nodded. She took a deep breath and reached down to pat Star's damp neck. "I see now," she muttered.

Akko raised an eyebrow and glanced back over her shoulder from where she had begun to head to the starting box. "See what?"

Amanda clenched her jaw, clicking her tongue to urge Star forward. "Why you're the Captain."

* * *

 

**RACE SEVEN: WINDSOR CASTLE**

_At the end of the arena closest to the security box sits a cone. At the other end, near the changeover line, is a bucket filled with water. Riders one and three begin at the start line, with riders two and four at the opposite end of the arena. The cone serves as a castle and rider one begins with a turret, which they place on top of the turret. Rider two holds a ball, or the "orb", which they place on top of the turret. Rider three retrieves the orb from the turret and drops it into the bucket of water. Rider four removes the orb from the water, then returns it safely to the top of the turret._

_If any equipment falls during this race, the rider must stop and reset the equipment._

Akko clutched the turret firm in her fist, eyeing the cone as Chariot danced in the starting box. The most important part of this race was getting the turret firmly onto the cone. That way, it would be difficult for any other rider to knock it off. But she had to do it quickly, without faltering stride.

Her heart slammed against her chest with the rush of excitement that came with being the starter of the race. From the corner of her eye she watched the flag-holder, already poised with a single hand, her bad one, gripping the reins.

One of St. Andrews' ponies bolted forward.

"False start," the announcer called. "Penalty for St. Andrews."

Well, that was at least a benefit on her part. The St. Andrews rider grumbled as she headed back behind the penalty line and readied herself once more.

The flag lifted, then fluttered down, and Akko nudged Chariot into action.

The cone wasn't far and so Akko had to move quickly. She reached down, her hand cupping the side of the turret, and guided Chariot to the right side of the cone. At the last movement she asked her to dive to the left in an S-turn that gave her long enough to tilt the bottom of the turret over the cone and press down hard.

It was  _slightly_ tilted, but it would work. Akko's elbows flagged out to the side as she rushed Chariot to the other end of the arena and Amanda took off with the orb.

Amanda could be rough-handed and not often trusted with precision shots such as this, but she was experienced with the Windsor race and took it seriously. She slammed her hand back hard against Star as they neared the cone and, as he reared up slightly with the desire to go forward, she let her hand drift quietly over the turret and set the orb gently on top. Akko watched as her fingers relaxed, giving Star the cue he was waiting for to take off once again.

South Africa was in the lead, but Luna Nova and Appleton weren't far behind. Just as Lotte was taking off to retrieve the orb, one of the South African starters moved forward before the previous pony had completely crossed the line. It cost them precious seconds to re-set, and the duel between Luna Nova and Appleton began as the other teams struggled with the equipment.

Lotte's soft hand plucked the orb up off the turret at the same time as the Appleton rider. The other pony was faster, though, and soon took the lead as he dropped down to the side of his pony and dunked the orb into the water.

Lotte dropped the orb into the water, which splashed over the side of the bucket. And as she crossed the line, Constanze pushed Stan forward.

And, once again, their height came into play in the most useful way possible. While the Appleton rider had to dismount to grab the orb out of the bucket, Constanze simply reached over the side of Stan and plucked it up out of the water. And, without missing a beat, she sped to the cone, performing an S-turn much similar to both Akko and Amanda's, and placed the orb back onto the turret.

"Luna Nova first."

Appleton, disgruntled by the sudden loss of the lead, knocked over their entire castle and the rider had to dismount to rebuild. Constanze grinned to herself as she high-fived Amanda and waved to her parents.

Akko was beaming, too, as she recalled what Diana had said the night before. About her teammates not having ever been believed in, about how the rest of the equestrians at Luna Nova had seen them as poor riders. And she hoped, as her eyes fell on the crowd of cheering Luna Nova students, they could see how sorely mistaken they all very much were.

* * *

**RACE EIGHT: PONY EXPRESS**

_A small box holding four letters sits at the end of each team's lane, which has four poles spaced evenly apart. The first rider is given a burlap sack and must weave through the poles, collect a letter to put into the sack, and weave back through the poles. The letter must be completely in the sack before handed off to the next rider._

_Riders two, three, and four repeat the process._

_The letters must be collected in order by color: red, blue, yellow, green._

"Alright, guys. Remember, take it easy with this one," Akko called out to her team as Constanze took the sack from a volunteer. "This is a throwaway race for us. Just make it clean and safe."

"Sometimes clean and safe wins the race," Jasminka remarked with a grin. "Especially if the other teams aren't clean and safe at all."

Akko shrugged. Nodded. "Alright, true. But just know there are lowered expectations here."

The sack was nearly as big as Constanze, but she handled it easily as Stan weaved carefully through the poles. Once again, Constanze did not have to dismount. She simply reached down, plucked up the red letter, and shoved it into the sack before weaving back through the poles to hand it off to Lotte.

Spirit's nostrils flared as the bag flapped towards him.

"Easy, boy," Lotte murmured, her voice breaking with nervous energy as she tried to still her anxious pony. "It's okay. It's just a sack. I've got you."

Constanze handed it off to Lotte, pressing it into her hand and lingering for a moment as she waited to make sure they were okay. Spirit was scuttling to the side, blowing furiously with his ears pricked completely forward.

Luna Nova was already well behind the other teams, as predicted, but it didn't matter to Akko. She just wanted them to get through it. She knew Lotte was just as scared as Spirit, but she also knew that they could overcome the worst. She just had to focus. Keep control of Spirit.

But things never worked out as they were supposed to, and Akko felt a lump lodge in her throat as the incident before them unfolded.

Lotte had leapt off her pony to grab a letter and was in the process of vaulting back on when Spirit spooked and lost his composure completely. He let out a long, high-pitched squeal and leapt to the side. Lotte clung to him, her fingers threaded through his creamy mane, and tried to hold on and finish her mount. But she couldn't get her leg all the way over, not with the speed Spirit had suddenly found within himself. Her heel remained hooked over the saddle as he raced back to where the other ponies stood.

"Hold on, Lotte!" Akko yelled. She knew better than to hold her hand out to try to stop the charging pony and so she didn't. "Everyone stay still!"

Spirit was charging at them full speed. She braced herself for impact, struggling to keep Chariot under control as she snorted nervously and hopped up and down.

But, at the very last moment, Spirit veered. He headed to the end of the arena where he swerved hard and sent Lotte flying, her body smashing against the wall with a loud, sickening thud.

And then she fell still.

"Loose horse!" the announcer called over the loudspeaker. "Riders dismount!"

The race had ended only moments earlier, all riders returned to the security box. They swung off in unison. Akko shoved Chariot's reins into Constanze's hands and raced to Lotte's side, vaguely aware of Miss Nelson leaping over rows of people to come to their aid, along with the volunteer who had been designated as the medic.

"Lotte," Akko said, panting for air as she sunk down into the sand next to her friend. Lotte was groaning, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes, her face red as she struggled for air. She was clutching her chest as she rolled over onto her back and let out a long, pained moan.

"Stretcher," Miss Nelson shouted to the medic, who raised his hand in the air. A signal. A rider from the U.S. walked towards the team, pulling along a panting Spirit, who Miss Nelson took by the reins.

"Lotte," Akko said again, placing a hand on the other girl's arm and squeezing. "Are you okay? Where's it hurt?"

"Chest," Lotte wheezed. "I'll be okay—" She broke off into a wheeze of pain.

"It'll be okay," Miss Nelson reassured, rising as the medic and volunteers helped carefully lift Lotte onto the stretcher. "I'll make sure she's taken care of. Just try to get through these last two races."

"Luna Nova will be a Did Not Finish for Pony Express," the announcer called. "Next race is Jousting. Remount."

The pain of worry stabbed at Akko's gut as she clambered back into the saddle, watching Lotte leave on the stretcher with Miss Nelson tugging Spirit along. Was this what her team had felt like when she'd injured herself?

She sucked in air and, with a resolute nod, turned back to the four remaining members of her team. "Let's finish this day on a good note," she said. "For Lotte."

* * *

**RACE NINE: JOUSTING**

_In the center of the arena sits a long board placed atop two cones. The board holds four targets. Riders one and three begin by the security box, with riders two and four at the opposite end of the arena. Rider one is given a jousting stick and must knock down a single target using only the tip of the lance. If a rider knocks down more than one target, he or she must reposition the target knocked down in error._

"I'm not good at this," Akko said as she tucked the white anchor band around her helmet—the one that was supposed to be given to Lotte for this race—and watched the equipment being set up. "Amanda, are you sure you don't want this to be you?"

"You're the one that said it about the rearing thing," Amanda said with a shrug. "You're right about it. We'll lose a lot of time. You can do it, Akko."

Akko swallowed hard and glanced to the stands. Otousan and Okaasan smiled at her. Diana offered a pained smile—clearly empathizing with the loss of Lotte—and gave her a thumbs up.

"Okay," Akko mumbled, turning to Jasminka with a nod. "Let's go, then."

Constanze was first. Akko didn't know how the tiny girl managed to hold the huge jousting stick in her hand, but she did with ease. She stared down the lane with the hardened eyes of a focused soldier, Stan clutched firmly in her grasp as she waited for the signal to start.

Six ponies erupted from the start line all at once. Six metal targets rang out in sync. No one missed, no one hit two. All six teams stayed together.

Constanze passed the jousting stick to Jasminka, who clucked for Cookie to run. He took off, a head behind Appleton, but soon caught up as Jasminka kicked him faster. She leaned to the side, took aim, and let the tip of the stick impale a single target.

Again, six targets clinked, though now slightly apart. Appleton had taken the lead. Luna Nova was not far behind, but neither were the other four teams.

Jasminka passed off the jousting stick to Sucy. She slammed her heels against Mushroom's side and he bolted, moving at a speed far faster than Akko had ever seen him go. She took aim, her lavender hair hanging over her eye in a way that Akko didn't even know how she could  _see_  through, and speared the third target. She'd caught up to Appleton, but the race was still under way with all six teams pushing for the lead.

The jousting stick was pressed into Akko and Andrew's hands at the same time.

"Go, Chariot!" Akko yelled, and Chariot responded.

The jousting stick was heavier than she remembered. She leaned off the side of her pony, squeezing one eye shut as she aimed at the tiny target, struggling to keep the stick still. At the last moment, she felt both of her eyes fall shut, a whisper of a prayer shivering through her body.

_Clink._

_Clink._

She felt the stick strike the target and her eyes flew open. Andrew was directly at her side and she could feel the look he gave her as he glanced over.

Forget the other four teams.

It was her, Andrew, and half a lane to go.

Both ponies sped for the finish as the rest of the targets fell behind them with the precision of the other riders. Andrew was shouting, the stick held high in the air as he pushed for more from his Arabian.

"C'mon, Chariot," Akko chanted, her fist flying towards her pony's ears as she pumped her arm with each stride.

"Go, Akko!" Amanda shrieked. If Akko had looked up, she would have seen Diana on her feet. "You've got this!"

Almost there. The Arabian's bellowing snorts of effort were as loud in her ears as Chariot's rhythmic hoof beats below. Together, in stride, they flew across the finish.

"That was close," the announcer said. "Waiting for lane officials to make the call."

Akko tried to catch her breath as she let the jousting stick fall to the sand. She felt a hand clap over her shoulder as Amanda said, "Good job, Gaygari!"

And she had done well. She had given it her all and had not made a mistake, and so she couldn't even be upset when the announcer called out:

"Appleton first. Luna Nova second."

* * *

**RACE TEN: FOUR FLAG**

_Closest to the start line is a four-pronged flag holder. At the end of the lane is a cone with four flags. Each rider must make their way to the end of the lane, take a flag, and place the color of that flag into the color on the holder that matches. The flags may be collected in any sequence._

"Lotte was supposed to be in this one," Akko grumbled as she stared down at the torn and tattered line-up in her hand. "So it's got to be Jas or Amanda." She looked up, folding the paper back up and shoving it unceremoniously into her sock. "No offense, but you both really kind of suck at this race," she said, looking up with a terse smile.

"You're not wrong." Amanda kicked her feet out of the stirrups and leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest and cracking her back with the twist of her torso. "Jas, you can take this one. You know how hard it is for me to get Star to hold still to put those flags in."

Jasminka frowned, staring down the lane as the volunteers set the equipment up. "Er, I don't know, 'Manda. I'm not so gentle myself. I'll likely knock the cone over and pull all the flags out of the holder. Besides, Cookie won't get close enough to that damn holder to give me time to put the flag in."

Akko glanced between them. It was difficult: Jasminka was better at precision, but Amanda was better at speed and used a gentle hand when moving objects. And, it was true,  _neither_ of the ponies were very good at the race, but…

Jasminka and Amanda were staring at each other. Sucy and Constanze were staring at all of them.

Finally, Amanda wet her lips and gathered her reins, sitting up straight as she turned her attention to Akko.

"What do you say, Captain?" she said, not a hint of sarcasm to her voice. "Pick your poison."

Akko nodded. Looked between them. There was no good choice, but she had to make one. Finally, with an index finger swirling through Chariot's mane, she nodded to Amanda. "Amanda," she said, hoping she'd made a good choice and, well, hadn't offended Jasminka. Though, Jas wasn't usually one to get offended. "But we're changing the order. The more flags, the more likely it is for Star to act like a nutcase. So you go first. Cons, second. I'll go third. Sucy, Mushroom is the least likely to make a scene, so you take anchor."

"Me?" Sucy narrowed her eyes, though her expression remained neutral. "I've never anchored before in my life. And you know how slow Mushroom is."

"Welp." Akko shrugged, ripping the band from her helmet and tossing it to her friend. "First time for everything, isn't there, Sucy?"

She expected a complaint or a snarky response, what she usually would have expected from her odd friend. But, instead, Sucy caught the band, clutched it firm in her left hand, and crossed herself. She kissed the band before sliding it over her helmet.

"For Lotte," she murmured, nodding resolutely at the group.

"For Lotte," came the echo of the remaining four.

Akko had not expected them to do well in the race. Four flags was, by all means, not their best. And without Lotte, they stood no chance of even being competitive against the other teams. But there were no incidents, nothing that would have made her lose her pride in being the Captain of Team Luna Nova.

Amanda, though she had to circle a few times to get Star quiet enough to settle the flag into the holder, did not lose her cool. She stayed quiet, speaking to her pony in soft coos and praising him lovingly when he finally let her get the job done.

Constanze, reliable as ever, made no mistake. She took her flag delicately from the cone and leaned down off Stan, sliding it easily into the holster next to Amanda's.

Chariot, though clearly tired and ready for the day to be over, carried Akko as swiftly as she could to the opposite end of the arena where she whirled around the cone with athletic expertise. Akko seized the red flag, S-turning her pony just before the holder and dipping down to deliver her final move of the day and slide the wooden pole of the flag into the holder beside Constanze's.

At that point, they were in last. Ridgetown and Beaulieu had already crossed the finish.

Sucy, though, did not race like they were in last place. She crouched low over Mushroom's neck, her pony surging forward as soon as Chariot's hoof crossed the line to the security box, and raced to the end of the lane with speed that could have rivaled Star's. Akko watched, breathless and exhausted, as her roommate leaned down to snatch the remaining flag from the cone. The white flag.

She carried the team home. Lazy, slow Sucy, who couldn't care less about anything. Sucy who insisted Mushroom could not be bothered with the speed of the other ponies. Sucy whose bright eyes flashed as she held the fluttering white flag high above her head and speared it expertly into the holder next to the other four flags, which waved gently with the breeze of Mushroom's tail before settling to stillness.

"For Lotte," Sucy huffed as she triumphantly pulled Mushroom to a halt, her expression once again unreadable as she settled back into the saddle and patted her pony behind his saddle pad.

And they hadn't come in last, either. Sucy's determination had carried Luna Nova home in fifth place, in front of the only team that really mattered:

Appleton.

* * *

"Diana!"

Akko's chapped lips sprouted into a grin when she caught sight of her girlfriend. She threw her arms around Diana's shoulders, taking the blonde by surprise as she squeezed her tight. "I'm so happy to see you."

"That's good to know," Diana said, chuckling nervously as she stepped awkwardly backwards. She self-consciously swiped remnants of hay and Chariot hair off her navy blouse. "You rode fantastic, Akko. I'm very proud of you. I should warn you, though-"

"What the bloody hell was that?"

A ball of fire rounded the corner, storming into the aisle of the barn that housed the Luna Nova team. Well, not really a ball of fire, but a very furious Hannah,  _very_ red-faced Hannah.

At first, Akko thought Hannah was coming for her. She was trying to quickly prepare a defense as she raised her palms in front of her chest, unconsciously scurrying to Diana's side as she tried to work out what she'd say in her head. She was just trying to calm Amanda, she wasn't scolding her. She would swear it. After all, she just wanted her team to do well, she just wanted-

Hannah flew by her.

"Are you daft? You cost Luna Nova the entire race because of your stupid ego! Akko was going to win that race for you, but instead you wanted to one-on-one that chauvinistic blockhead!"

Amanda's eyes widened. She had opened Star's stall door to leave, but quickly slammed it shut and held it there as a safety barrier from her girlfriend.

"Whoa, whoa, Han…"

"Don't, 'Whoa, whoa' me, Amanda. You pulled the same stunts on the Hunt team, which is  _precisely_ why we couldn't even  _work_ as a team. Pull your head out of your arsehole and decide which is more important to you-" Hannah came to a halt in front of the door, her eyes narrowed as she huffed angrily. "Your team or your pride."

"I… I know," Amanda started, teeth bared as though she was about to take a hit from a boxer as she shrank backwards under Hannah's stern words. "I-"

"Anyway." Hannah's eyes softened with her voice. Her hands fell on the top of the stall door as her whole body seemed to relax. She leaned forward, her lips crashing against Amanda's cheek. "You rode wonderfully, love. I'm proud of you."

Akko felt her face contorting in confusion. She turned, catching the equally perplexed look that Diana was returning, and leaned in until her lips brushed against the blonde's ear. "What is going on?"

Diana drew in a long breath, seized Akko's arm, and turned her to begin walking away. "It's a very strange relationship, Akko. I wouldn't bother trying to understand it."

"Noted," Akko grumbled. She kicked the heels of her paddock boots against the stone aisle, watching as dust and cedar sprayed to the side. "I really hope Lotte's okay," she mused, feeling Diana's hand sliding down her arm until their fingers intertwined. "I'm worried."

"I heard Miss Callistis on the phone with Miss Nelson during the competition." Diana gave Akko's hand a squeeze, catching her gaze with a reassuring smile. "Lotte just bruised her ribs. She'll be okay, but she won't be able to compete tomorrow."

Akko squeezed her eyes shut, hard, and sighed. "Kuso," she mumbled. "I'll have to re-do the entire line-up."

"We can work on it tonight," Diana said. "You can invite Amanda over, if you like. That way you can get it done and you can cover every race that Lotte was supposed to be in."

Akko thought about the offer for a moment, but quickly found herself shaking her head. "No, I think I'd rather have a night alone with you," she said. She stopped, tugging Diana's hand to get her to stop, too, and leaned in to press a hasty kiss to the corner of her mouth.

Just as Otousan and Okaasan turned onto the aisle of the barn they were standing in.

Akko quickly broke away, letting her hand fall from Diana's. Diana swiped at the corner of her mouth and looked at her shoes, at the ground, at the hay that littered the aisles.  _Anything_ that wasn't Akko's parents.

"Atsuko," Otousan greeted. Akko bowed quickly, reflexively. "That was a pleasure to watch."

"Wonderful," Okaasan agreed. She was eyeing Diana warily, making a point to stand a few feet behind her husband. "Your Chariot was very good."

"Arigato, Otousan. Okaasan." Akko forced a smile. "Thank you for watching."

Otousan flashed a grin, one that resembled her own. "We wouldn't have missed it. Well, we would have, but Diana-san showed us where to sit with the Luna Nova students."

Diana pursed her lips and bowed awkwardly. Akko stifled a giggle.

"Well, Okaasan and I decided we would like to have a night to explore Glasgow. She has never been here. A date night, if you will." Otousan smirked and bowed his head. "And we agreed that you and Diana-san may want one, as well. So we will see you in the morning. Very good, Atsuko. We will say hello to Chariot and be on our way."

Akko just blinked. Okaasan glanced away, finding Otousan's hand and squeezing it gently.

They… wanted her to have alone time? With Diana?

"Wow," Akko murmured when her parents had turned and disappeared down the aisle toward the stall that held her pony. "What did you say to them when you showed them to their seats?"

"Nothing," Diana replied. Her blue eyes were wide with surprise. "Honestly. Nothing. I was too frightened to say anything. I think I may have said, "This is our area," or something, but-"

"Hey, Akko!"

Akko startled, whirling to find Noelle standing only a few feet away. Her red and white Ridgetown jersey stood out among the darker colors of the fading light of the evening and the dreary grey of the stone walls.

"They posted the points for today."

"Oh." Akko perked up, turning to flash a grin at Diana. "Let's go check them out."

Noelle chuckled, walking close to press a fist gently into Akko's bicep. She leaned in and, with a giggle, whispered, "Try to keep up tomorrow, would you?"

"She likes you," Diana grumbled as the pair walked through the barn toward the center aisle where the points were posted.

"Already had this conversation with Amanda," Akko said. She rolled her eyes and closed her hand tighter around Diana's forearm, dragging her along with the excitement of a small child. "Besides, you're way hotter. C'mon, Diana!"

There was already a gathering of riders, most still wearing their riding gear, gathered around the bulletin board that was placed between the main office and a few wash stalls. As Akko neared, the Captain of the U.S. team shook her head and walked away. Akko let go of Diana's arm and nibbled her lip as she pushed her way forward to see the points from the first day:

_43 UNIVERSITY OF GUELPH RIDGETOWN, ONTARIO, CANADA_

_43 APPLETON UNIVERSITY, SOUTHAMPTON, UNITED KINGDOM_

_36 LUNA NOVA UNIVERSITY, EXETER, UNITED KINGDOM_

_30 BEAULIEU COLLEGE, MIDRAND, SOUTH AFRICA_

_28 SWEET BRIAR COLLEGE, VIRGINIA, UNITED STATES_

_24 ST. ANDREW'S COLLEGE, GLASGOW, SCOTLAND_

"Third!" Akko squealed, beaming as she turned to Diana. "And only 7 points behind. That's not bad at all!"

"It's not," Diana agreed, though she was clearly distracted by something, or  _someone_ else.

And that someone made themselves  _very_ known  _very_ quickly.

"I'm very glad that you're happy with settling for third," Andrew said, his green eyes flashing as they met Akko's red. "With how you rode today, I would consider yourself lucky you even made it that high in the points."

Akko could feel the anger surging up inside her. Her fists clenched involuntarily at her sides as she pursed her lips and glared at Andrew. His black hair was ruffled from his helmet and he ran his fingers through it as if it could have been seen as his fatal flaw.

"Perhaps if your teammate knew how to control her pony." Andrew shrugged, looping his thumbs through the belt on his breeches. "But I don't suppose that would have helped you any."

Diana cleared her throat at Akko's side. She stepped forward, her blonde hair a cascade of waves over her shoulders as furious blue eyes held his. "There's no reason to behave like such an antagonistic pre-teen," she spat. "I always thought that you would grow out of this narcissistic phase of yours, but it seems-"

But then a voice cut in. A familiar voice, one she'd heard only a few times before but she would never forget, and it made the blood in Akko's veins run cold beneath her prickling skin. A voice that made Diana turn in surprise, that made Andrew's eyebrows knit together with confusion.

"But it seems," Chloe said, her stare unwavering as she stepped into the space of the arguing triad, "as though he never will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one time i fell in a bush at sweet briar and came out covered in 500 million baby ticks and ripped my breeches off and ran away in my underwear
> 
> i had more to say but i forgot bye


	56. The Broken Triangle

 

* * *

**CHLOE**

* * *

The worst feeling in the world is realizing that the person you're with, the person who is in  _love_ with you, is nothing more than a best friend to you.

Especially when you were the one who started things in the first place.

Diana Cavendish was gorgeous.  _Is_ gorgeous. Being her best friend was like being the sidekick to a superhero and I couldn't help but look up to her in every single way. From the very first moment I met her in Classic Literature when I was nothing more than a rough-around-the-edges pre-teen who only wanted to be seen as more than the  _Ambassador's daughter_ , she was the subject of my envy. She was intelligent and kind, well-spoken and mature far beyond her years. While we had a farm of our own and I was a fairly competent rider myself (although, admittedly, never really got into the sport), she was the very notion of a picturesque equestrian. She rode with an easy grace that made it impossible to take your eyes away and, in all honesty, I  _couldn't_. Diana was, truly and without question, poetry in motion.

Somehow, she accepted me as her best friend. I was never quite sure  _why._ Whereas Diana was introverted and soft-spoken, I was obnoxiously loud to the point of consistently getting in trouble with both my father and school instructors. I didn't enjoy riding, nor my studies (though I made sure to get only the top marks, as Papa would have killed me had I not), but instead found interest in art, more specifically the haute couture fashion of western Europe.

I was always more like Andrew, if I'm being honest. And, though we got along well, Diana was the one that I went to when I really needed to open my heart about something. About the demanding expectations of being the Ambassador's daughter (which she understood quite well, being the heiress of the Cavendish family), about the finer points of being a teenager (see: unabashed drama that only exists inside of a teen's mind), about the future and the general unease that comes with the unpredictable.

About anything. It was girl code, perhaps.

Diana was much more reserved with opening up about things. She was difficult to read and altogether neutral when it came to emotions, so when the day came that she actually opened a window to how she  _felt_ … well, I guess it made me start to think of her differently.

The three of us were had ridden out to one of our favorite places, a grove at the very edge of the Hanbridge property. Andrew had brought a canteen of scotch that he'd swiped from his father's bar and he and I were taking turns sipping out of it while we laughed over stupid things that would soon be forgotten and just enjoyed the sun and… well, youth. Diana had no part of the scotch. Or the jokes, really. She had brought a text from her library that looked like it had seen the better part of the 16th century and was reading quietly while the horses grazed nearby. She'd insisted on bringing Beatrix, green as she was, and would frequently look up and smile adoringly at the young mare who had only recently begun to wear a saddle and, much less, a rider.

A lull of quiet had spread around the three of us just as a cloud passed over the sun and Diana lowered her book and said, in a voice barely above a whisper, "I think I may be interested in girls."

Andrew and I had merely stared, admittedly confused, before I finally blurted, "Excusez-moi?" in the sarcastic way I liked to use French when I didn't altogether understand something and decided to approach with humor instead.

"I…" Diana had met my gaze with eyes that held nothing but fear. "I think I may like girls in the way that you like boys."

"So…" Andrew's face had skewed in the way it did when he was working a problem in his mind. "You're saying you're a lesbian?"

"I'm saying," Diana quipped back, narrowing her eyes and huffing in defiance, "that I  _think_ I may be a-a-"

"Lesbian," Andrew finished. Diana looked like she may cry so he quickly added, "Sorry, you just seemed like you were having trouble with the word, and-" He placed a hand on Diana's shoulder and offered a reassuring smile. "That's alright, Diana. There's nothing wrong with that."

"There's not," I added, shaking my head. "It's 2014. Nobody cares about sexuality these days."

"Well, I wouldn't say nobody," Andrew corrected. "My father would shit himself if I told him I was gay." The stares Diana and I gave him made his eyes widen. "Not that I'm gay. I'm not gay. Definitely not."

I hummed and rolled my eyes. Diana, meanwhile, was looking like  _she_ might shit herself. Honestly, she looked like she wanted to disappear into the tree she was leaning against and retreat from humanity altogether.

"It's really okay. If you do, I mean," I said in the most reassuring voice I could muster. "Anybody, girl or boy, would be lucky to have you."

Andrew, meanwhile, was stroking his chin in thought. "So, how do you know? Like, do you think Chloe's cute?"

Diana was definitely going to become one with the tree. Her face was bright red. I shot Andrew a glare, hoping to get the point across that if he didn't shut up in ten seconds or less, I was going to geld him right then and there.

"I would rather this never be mentioned again," Diana said, lifting her book and disappearing into the world of ancient literature once more.

We were the three points of a perfect triangle, three best friends, and wouldn't do anything to hurt each other. Sure, we would goof off or have our fun just like any other teenagers-but it was never meant to be hurtful, never meant to cause harm.

And so, well… we respected that. Diana didn't say anything about her thoughts on girls, even when I blabbed her ear off about boys I thought were cute (I was admittedly very boy-crazy) and told her about my latest conquests in the world of teen love (I was also admittedly an exaggerator and told her I'd done far more than I actually did).

But I thought about it. I thought about it a lot, and so when the opportunity to turn my thoughts into actions arose in the form of a sleepover and just being alone with Diana, I couldn't stop myself.

Did I mention I have very little self-control?

Everything was a bit of a blur. My heart was beating out of my chest, my skin was on fire from being so close to her and the anticipation of the question I was about to ask of her. Ever since her admission, I'd felt awkward around her, like there was something between us that just had to be settled. I hadn't noticed it before, but now I couldn't ignore it.

I wasn't sure if she felt it, too, but I was determined to find out.

"Hey, Diana?" I managed to choke out. I got the usual response—a hum of acknowledgment—so I tentatively continued. "I kind of want to try something."

That got her attention. She turned to look at me and, God, she was so gorgeous. The dim light of her bedroom brought a glow to her hair, her skin, and her bright, inquisitive eyes burned into my own with the usual look of fondness that she reserved for only people she cared about.

"What's that?" she asked.

I'd wasted no time in asking-mostly because I'd practiced the words a million times in my head before I actually asked-and quickly said, "I want to kiss you."

Diana had sat up, breaking the contact between us, her eyes widening with… fear? Surprise? I couldn't tell.

"Pardon?" she'd asked, her voice hoarse as though the words had been forced air from her lungs.

I drew a deep breath and decided to take a more cautious approach. Maybe I'd been too forceful and I certainly didn't want to upset Diana or make her feel uncomfortable. "Just to see what it's like, you know?" I swallowed hard. "I've never kissed a girl before and, well, you've never kissed anybody before…"

She looked nervous. Her teeth were working at her bottom lip as she searched my face, searched for any hint of the prank or joke that she'd likely expected.

"So why not practice with me?" I finished.

Diana seemed frozen in time, in space, and her answer came slowly and quietly. "I…"

I didn't know what I expected. A rejection? A dismissal, of sorts? Certainly not the, "Okay," that had come shortly after. It was a shock but I didn't have time to hesitate, didn't have time to think about what was happening. No, I had to take the lead on this one. For the first time in our friendship, I had to be the one to show Diana how things were done.

I remember wrapping my hand around her neck, pulling her in. I lingered for a moment, giving her the option to back out if she felt like it, but her warm breath coasted over my lips and chin and I knew that she wasn't going to retreat. I could feel her heartbeat thrumming at the pulse point beneath my fingers, the nervous energy coursing through her body.

I tilted my head and captured her lips in my own.

At first she froze-almost like she panicked-but then she relaxed. Her lips moved slowly with mine, following my lead, and God were they  _soft_. The boys that I'd kissed before had met my lips in one of two ways: as if they were slamming a hammer against a nail or dousing a fire with their own spit.

It was not what I expected.

"Wow," I heard myself say when our lips finally broke apart in the tickle of barely touching skin. "Your lips are soft."

Diana flushed, her fingers tightening on my shoulders as she glanced down, unable to hide her own smile. "I…" she gasped, out of breath, followed by a much less flustered, "Thank you?"

What came out of my mouth next was not what I expected. I had just wanted to  _try_ kissing Diana. Just to see what it was like, you know? Kissing a girl was still so faux pas but it was my best friend and the curiosity had become too much to bear.

"Uh, I think I'd like to…"

What was I saying?

I wasn't sure anymore.

I continued anyway.

"I think I'd like to keep doing this. Is… that alright?"

* * *

" _Fuck_ ," I hissed. My back arched involuntarily, fingers closing hard around the slack of the bed sheets as her warm mouth closed over me. It felt good-it always felt good-but there was just something there that wasn't quite… what I  _wanted._

It used to be enough. In the first few months-merde, the first  _year_ -she was more than enough. But then we split ways. Diana went to Luna Nova and I went to Oxford and things changed from there. Changed in ways that I hadn't expected, in ways that  _she_ hadn't expected, and even though we both felt it we still went on as though things were normal. We ignored the elephant in the room that was us growing apart, that was the lack of compatibility that we shared.

That was… me not exactly being  _into_ women in the way that Diana was.

I wanted to break up with her amicably. I wanted to keep her in my life, to keep her as my best friend, because even though I wasn't in love with her, I still  _loved_ her. I still thought she was attractive. No,  _gorgeous_. It's just that… I don't know. I wanted a family, a… well, a  _husband_. Eventually.

"You can stop," I said after a while, my hands gently cupping the sides of Diana's face to pull her up. "I don't think

I'm going to be able to tonight. I'm sorry."

I wouldn't be able to. And so I just held her close, listening to the gentle rhythm of her breathing as it slowed, felt her warm breath coasting over my cheek and neck. I was letting Diana down. I was hurting her, little by little, but I was selfish and altogether unsure of what to do.

It wasn't as though she wasn't doing it right. It wasn't as though she wasn't hitting all the spots that I usually liked. It was just, well…

I'd already cheated on her at that point.

There was a party, a guy, a lot of drinks. It was a mistake. It was a guilt-ridden mistake that I felt every time that I looked at Diana, every time I spoke to her, every single time I even  _thought_ about her.

And what was worse was that I had enjoyed it.

What I didn't enjoy was the feeling that came after. It was as though a massive weight had been pressed down onto my chest. I remember falling to the floor of my bedroom and clutching my head as I rocked my way through an anxiety attack. I remember looking into the mirror, not recognizing the swollen, puffy eyes, the tear-streaked face.

But I didn't tell her and I wouldn't tell her, even while I forced a smile and met her loving gaze through the fogged lens of sadness. It would absolutely crush her and that wasn't something that I wanted to do. No, I had to end things without her knowing.

Without her finding out.

But I didn't know  _how_ to, and so I just kept on going through the motions. Cancelling visits because I just couldn't face her, ending phone calls early and telling her the bare minimum of my day. It hurt but I felt like I couldn't complain, like I didn't  _deserve_ to feel bad, because I knew she had to feel worse. I knew she could feel how hard I was pushing myself away, how I was distancing myself from her and our relationship.

I was just scared.

I was terrified.

It was no excuse. I knew that. Diana deserved the best. I was not the best.

I just… didn't know what to do about it.

Until that night that I'd had too much to drink and everything just  _happened._ Again _._

It was the morning after and I was still feeling the effects of the alcohol, was still swaying beneath the fog of the night before and still choking on desperate guilt. I'd called for and, with a mouth that wanted to spew far more than the words that dropped from my tongue, managed to say:

"I cheated on you."

And that was when it ended.

Everything ended. Our relationship, obviously. But our  _friendship_. That was the worst part. I hadn't wanted to lose

Diana from my life completely. I wasn't ready for that and I knew I was being selfish, I knew that I had been holding her close and in the dark even though she hadn't deserved it.

I don't know what I had been expecting. I don't know why I would have ever expected her to forgive me, because, honestly, I've never forgiven myself.

* * *

Atsuko-Akko, sorry-was somebody completely unexpected. Sure, it had been a while since Diana and I had been together, but the girl just didn't really seem like Diana's  _type_. She was a far cry from me, anyway. Short and goofy and… I don't know. Forward?

From the moment I saw her in that bar I was confused. She had gone from me to  _Akko_ and, I don't know, I just thought she deserved more. I thought that she was capable of somebody far more polished. Not that it was me. I clearly didn't deserve somebody like Diana and never would. But, as somebody who still considered herself close to Diana and cared about her a great deal, I wanted to see her with… well, with more.

I knew that I had no right to judge. That I had no right to be jealous. Diana was her own person and deserved to be happy with whoever she chose, even I didn't necessarily think that person was right for her.

I was just… I don't know. I still cared.

I never stopped caring.

I just did all the wrong things.

I just made all the wrong decisions.

I was a horrible person and I didn't want her to make the same mistake as she did with me. I didn't want her to be with somebody that would hurt her. That would betray her in the way I did, that would abandon her in the way that everybody else in her life had. I wanted somebody that would stay, somebody that would treat her right, somebody that would be there for her because I certainly couldn't anymore.

It wasn't until Oxford that my feelings about Akko started to change. The night she threw the beer in my face, even though I was  _extremely_ upset (who wouldn't be?), I realized that just maybe she could be good for Diana. I realized that, just maybe, this foreign girl with the strange personality who seemed so very wrong might actually be  _right._

And so I'd decided to just try to leave Diana alone. There was that part of me that still wanted to make amends. That still selfishly wanted to keep her as my friend. But, in that moment, as lager dripped from my chin onto my very expensive jacket and I watched the two of them walk away, I realized that it wasn't about me and Diana anymore. Our lives were separate, even if I didn't want them to be, and it was no longer my responsibility to keep tabs on my former lover or best friend. It was my responsibility to let her  _go._

The only reason I had stayed at the International Mounted Games Competition was because I knew a few people there.

Noelle, a friend who had moved to Quebec long before, was riding for Ridgetown. Plus, Andrew was there. I didn't have any ulterior motives. Sure, it had surprised me that Diana had asked for the favor—and I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me a little bit happy—but it wasn't about  _her_.

Papa wasn't flying out until the next day and so I had time to burn, had time to spend doing  _something,_ and so I figured I would just watch. I wasn't trying to impede. I wasn't trying to keep tabs on Diana or scout out her new girlfriend or anything of the sort. I was just trying to pass time and enjoy seeing a few old friends.

I hadn't expected to engage in any kind of confrontation. I hadn't expected to do what I did. I hadn't expected to find myself in the barn that night and only did because I had trailed after Noelle, ("C'mon, I'm pretty sure we're in first, come have a look with me," Noelle had said as she took my hand and dragged me through the aisles).

My stride slowed when I saw Diana and Akko. They looked content. Happy, even. Akko was beaming at Diana and pointing to the rankings, where I could see Luna Nova fell in third, just a few points behind Appleton, who was tied with Ridgetown.

Seeing Diana hurt in the same way it always did. I pushed it aside.

"Not bad," Noelle was saying at my side, though I was hardly paying attention to her. "First, eh? We can take out

Appleton tomorrow-"

"-very glad that you're happy with settling for third," I heard Andrew saying to Akko. "With how you rode today, I would consider yourself lucky you even made it that high in the points."

I could see the flare of red surge into Akko's cheeks. That wasn't fair of Andrew to say. Luna Nova had lost a rider midway through the Games. They were at a handicap.

When had Andrew become such a jerk?

I narrowed my eyes at him, ignoring Noelle as she chattered away at my side with the other Ridgetown rider who had sidled up next to us.

"Perhaps if your teammate knew how to control her pony," Andrew said. A cocky smile slid across his face. One that I had grown to very much dislike over the past year. "But I don't suppose that would have helped you any."

I felt my jaw tighten around unspoken words. Words that I'd wanted to say ever since that night in Oxford when

Andrew had dragged me out to the pub-where I  _hadn't_ known Diana would be-in order to start senseless drama. But before I could step forward, before I could say anything, Diana had moved forward in her girlfriend's stead.

"There's no reason to behave like such an antagonistic pre-teen," Diana had said in her very calm, yet very lecturing, tone. "I always thought that you would grow out of this narcissistic phase of yours, but it seems-"

I couldn't help it. I had to say something, had to step forward. Otherwise, Andrew would just keep at it. He knew I was there. I had seen his malicious green eyes dart over to where I was standing with Noelle before he spoke, almost as though I was the very one providing the soapbox that he had decided to step onto. His ridiculous crush was still there, years later, and I knew he was trying to impress me-trying to impress me by insulting Diana and Akko, no less-and I couldn't take it anymore.

"But it seems as though he never will," I blurted, stepping forward and rolling my shoulders back as I straightened to my full height and met Andrew's stare with my own.

He immediately paled, almost as though he hadn't expected me to say anything, much less anything  _against_ him, but his posture didn't change as he narrowed his eyes and stared.

"What are you even doing here?" he muttered, a shadow passing over his face as he narrowed his eyes at me. "Stalking your ex again?"

"I am not-" I shot a glance at Diana, who had paled at the sight of me. All semblance of appreciation for the day before had disappeared entirely and, instead, she just looked  _upset_. I swallowed hard and turned my attention back to Andrew.

"I'm not stalking anybody," I clarified, even though I felt like I didn't need to. "I just decided to stay and watch for the day. Excusez-moi,  _asshole_ , but I didn't realize I needed anybody's permission to enjoy watching a competition."

"Whoa." Andrew raised an eyebrow. "Somebody's PMSing."

Alright, that was too much. He could have taken literally  _any_ other shot, but he went for the one that just pissed me off the most. "Look, you inbred piece of shit," I swore, taking another bold step forward until I was directly in Andrew's face. I was nearly as tall as him-something that I knew was an intimidation factor-and took full advantage of it. "I realize that you're perpetually stuck in a state of insecurity, but that doesn't mean you have to project that on everybody else."

"Who are you to talk?" Andrew snapped. His eyebrows scrunched in confusion, Diana and Akko forgotten, as he stared back at me. "You're the shitty one out of the three of us."

At one point, I might have believed that. I had done some shitty things, had behaved in ways that I shouldn't have, and it wasn't until this point-the very moment where I stood toe-to-toe with Andrew-that I realized that didn't make me a bad  _person_. What made me a bad person was the abandonment of trying to be better, something I had admittedly given way to over the past year, not the mistakes of the past.

I wasn't a bad person. I had just done bad things.

Andrew, however, was a bad person. A spoiled ingrate, somebody who Diana and I had accepted only because we were young at the time and didn't know better. We had moved on, had grown, had become different people, whereas he had never changed. He had become somebody he detested, somebody he used to look down upon, the very idea of a person he had never wanted to be—

"You're just like your father," I hissed, and I knew I hit the nail on the head as soon as he shrunk back with a cherry red blush as though I'd kicked him right in the balls. If he had any. Which I was starting to doubt. "I may be horrible, but you're the one who will never change. You will never be more than a hateful, deceitful person with nothing more to your name than the money that your father placed into your trust fund. I hope Luna Nova kicks your ass tomorrow."

He frowned. Opened his mouth, closed it. Opened it again. Finally, he managed to choke out a, "Fuck you, Chloe," before turning on a heel and shoving his way through the people who had begun to mill around the argument.

I glared after him, ignoring the, "Damn, Chloe," that came from Noelle and instead watched as he disappeared down the aisle with stomping boots and the huff of defeat.

"Um."

The voice wasn't Noelle's. Or Diana's.

"Thanks, I guess," Akko said, though she didn't particularly look like she wanted to say anything to me at all. I glanced down to find bright red eyes staring back at me. "I could've handled it. Really."

I took a deep breath, looked beyond her to find the familiar blue of Diana's eyes staring back at me. There was something there. Not malice, like I'd been facing for the past year. Not appreciation, either. But… something. She didn't say anything. Her jaw tensed, rolled, as though she was deciding whether or not she  _should._

She didn't need to.

I could read the farewell in her eyes, could taste the goodbye on her lips. This was it. This was the closure we'd been seeking all this time. This was where things needed to be left. With the corners of our broken triangle going their separate ways, with the memories of our childhood dissipating into the atmosphere, into the melancholy of the past where they belonged. I had been trying to unbury a friendship that had died and been interred long ago instead of letting it rest.

And so, instead of trying to force my way into her life, instead of trying to place myself somewhere that I was no longer meant to be, I merely nodded and resigned myself to the inevitable fate that was the collapse of a friendship. When I spoke, it wasn't to Diana. It wasn't a plea, it wasn't the desperate Chloe that I had come to know myself to be in the past year.

It was merely a wish. And one that I meant.

"Take good care of her," I said to Akko, swallowing hard as I bowed my head in resignation. In acceptance. "And, if it means anything to you," I added, lifting my eyes to meet hers in what I hoped she read as sincerity, "I wish you the best of luck tomorrow. And, please, for everyone… kick Appleton's ass."

Akko's lips curved into a smile. At that moment, I could see why Diana liked her so much. Why Diana had chosen her, had been drawn to her.

"It means a lot," she said. I watched as her hand found Diana's and squeezed. "Thank you."

I nodded once more. And, with a final glance at Diana, I turned and walked away with the memories of what once was, of what would never be again, and finally let the past lie where it belonged. To the tune of hooves echoing against stone, of horses munching on hay or sifting through buckets for leftover grain, of the murmur of the crowd behind me-

I let her go.


	57. Internationals pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is 14k words and it's 3 am. i hope there aren't very many errors but if there are i'm sorry it was like 57 pages and i am dead.

DIANA

* * *

Akko looked nervous. More nervous than Diana had ever seen. She paced the length of the hotel room, her hand occasionally moving to clutch her bad wrist as she stared down at the line-up that she was charged with revamping.

Lotte was out for the remainder of the competition with bruised ribs. She'd be okay, luckily, but not okay enough to ride the next day.

"It's going to be alright, Akko," Diana tried to reassure. She leaned back on the soft white comforter of the bed, watching her girlfriend with a frown. Akko had made no changes thus far and it was starting to get late. She  _needed_  to get some sleep to be ready for the last day of competition.

"It's not," Akko insisted, pausing to meet Diana's gaze. She looked crestfallen, like she'd broken her wrist all over again and let her team down once more.

Diana didn't know what to do, and so she simply reached forward and took Akko's hand, pulling the other girl to sit obediently beside her. Akko huffed, bending down over her crinkled paper and dirt-stained paper. She shook her head.

"It's not," she repeated. She lifted the line-up so that Diana could see it, as though she would understand what she was looking at. "Tomorrow is heavy on vaults. I was counting on Lotte. Without her, I'll…" she trailed off, planting her palm against her forehead, and let out a long sigh.

Diana felt her teeth clench together. She rolled her jaw and snaked an arm around Akko's waist, settling into the warmth of her body. She leaned her head against Akko's shoulder and gently took the line-up, peering at the hastily scrawled list of names beside typed races. She knew a couple of the races, but most of them were completely foreign to her.

"I lied," Akko suddenly blurted. She squirmed away from Diana and rose, pacing once more to the edge of the hotel room to peer through the curtains at the Glasgow skyline. The lights from nearby hotels shone like rows of gold against the night sky and, even from where she stood, Diana could see silhouettes of people moving behind curtains of random rooms.

But the only silhouette that mattered was the one right in front of her.

Akko's shoulders hunched over and Diana could see that she was holding her wrist, clutching it close to her chest. Her brunette hair was flat and tangled, greasy from a long day of wearing a helmet, and Akko hadn't wanted to wash it because, "I'm just going to do the same thing the next day."

Diana rose and stepped forward. Slowly, cautiously, almost as though her girlfriend was a flighty foal who would spook at the closest sign of interaction. She could see Akko's body trembling, how her chin ducked down into her chest, how her eyes squeezed shut in an effort to hide the fear that Diana knew she felt.

She knew what Akko had lied about. She knew that Akko wanted to tell her, to come clean.

And she also knew that Akko still feared that she would lose Diana once again. Akko hadn't lied to hurt anybody. She hadn't lied out of spite, or out of ignorance, or out of malice. She had lied for herself, for her team, for the school and the possibility of making a difference when she felt like she couldn't.

A long silence drew out between them. Akko opened her mouth, shut it once more, then took a deep breath as though summoning the courage to come clean.

"I lied," she repeated. "I lied about—"

"I know."

Akko slowly lifted her head, one eyebrow raised as her bright red eyes met Diana's soft gaze. "You know?"

Diana nodded. She reached forward, laid a hand gently on Akko's shoulder. She wasn't good at comforting, at least  _she_  didn't think so, and touch was really the only way she knew how to show that she wasn't angry. That there was nothing there to harm them—to harm their relationship—and Akko's lie was understood in every sense of the word.

"I—" She paused, nibbling at her bottom lip as she tried to think of a way to tell Akko how she knew without giving away that she had basically violated a private conversation by eavesdropping on her one on one with Miss Nelson. "I happened to overhear some of what you said to Miss Nelson and—" She took a breath. Swallowed.

Akko turned, leaning back against the window frame as she peered back at Diana.

"I can tell when you're not truthful," Diana finished, bringing her palm to cup the soft skin of Akko's neck. Her thumb stroked at Akko's jawline, the corner of her mouth turning into what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "You get this tone in your voice. The best way I can describe it is a false confidence. You…" Diana chuckled. "You would have been terrible at debate, that's for sure."

Akko frowned. "I thought I was the Psych major."

"You don't have to study human psychology to know the behavior of somebody close to you," Diana said. Her fingers moved to Akko's hair, stroking carefully through the knotted strands. "I believe learning your mannerisms comes with the privilege of being your girlfriend."

"So…" Akko trailed off, her eyes finding the ground once more as she shuffled her feet. Her favorite pair of tube socks had fallen, scrunched, around one of her ankles, and she dragged her toes across the hard hotel carpet. "So you know the doctor didn't really clear me for my wrist."

Diana nodded. "I do."

"And you know that I… faked a note to be able to ride."

Diana nodded once more. "I do."

"And—" Akko blinked up. Her hand was still wrapped around her bad wrist, thumb mindlessly running across the pale skin of her forearm. Wide eyes found Diana's, searching, as though waiting to find that flicker of anger that she expected, that hint of disapproval that she doubtlessly expected to be there. "And you're not mad at me?"

Lying was a tough subject for Diana. After all, she had been lied to much of her life, with the outcome being nothing but the worst:

" _I love you, and only you_ ," Chloe had said mere weeks before the truth of her infidelity and the collapse of what Diana thought was a stable relationship.

" _I'm going to be just fine,_ " her mother had reassured her, even while the disease was taking her body at a rapid rate. " _I've got a while left yet. I promise. And even when I'm not, I'll always be there."_

Her mother had died a week later, and Diana stopped feeling her presence long before.

And even though she had come to accept those lies, lies that had meant to protect her from harm only to cause more in the long run, Diana still held honesty above all else.

But Akko's lie would harm none but herself.

"No," Diana finally said, shaking her head slowly as she caressed Akko's cheek, gently swiping over a small smear of dirt. "No, Akko. I'm not mad. I just…" She looked down, found Akko's wrist. "I don't want you to injure yourself. I don't like seeing you hurt and I know that… if it happens again…"

"It'll be bad," Akko finished.

Diana pursed her lips, let herself nod slowly.

"I didn't expect to have to vault," Akko admitted. "I figured maybe once, max, but not in all these races. I just wanted to help the team. I wanted to be able to make a difference. I failed the team already. And Luna Nova. I mean, what haven't I failed? Kuso—" She finally dropped her arms and waved them about, as though encompassing everything around her. "I've failed my parents. I've failed myself. I've failed  _you_ —"

Diana could see the tears brimming in the corners of Akko's eyes. She rushed forward, arms closing tight around the girl's smaller shoulders as she pulled her into a tight hug.

"You didn't," Diana whispered, burying her face into limp strands of brunette hair. She could smell helmet sweat beneath the comforting scent of citronella, of fresh shavings. "You haven't failed anything or anybody, Akko. And you certainly have never failed me."

Akko sniffled.

Diana drew back, still clutching Akko's shoulders as she leaned in, pressed her forehead to the shorter girl's. Akko's breath was warm as it washed over her lips and she tilted forward, capturing them in her own in a kiss that ended with a thin stream of saliva still holding them together. "Akko, you're incredible. You're the most amazing person I've ever met and I can guarantee you most of those girls on your team—hell, most of the people at Luna Nova—would agree with me. You've never given up. I know you weren't here last year, but believe me when I say that you have changed this school in ways that none of us could have ever imagined. Before you, everybody was at odds. There was anger and resentment and—" she sighed, squeezing her eyes shut as she relished in Akko's slow breath, in the hand that had found her upper arm and was stroking gently. "And quite a lot of that was my fault."

Akkos chapped lips parted with a whisper. "It wasn't—"

"It was," Diana interrupted. "Not fully, but a lot of it was. We were all divided. You… you brought us together. From the moment you arrived you started sewing the stitches of a wound you didn't even cause."

"I had nothing to do with that," Akko muttered.

Diana pulled away. She let her hand drift under Akko's chin as she nudged the girl's face up, capturing her eyes with a smile. "You did," she murmured. "You have made everybody's life better. Especially mine." She closed the small distance between them and kissed Akko once more, this time slower, lips moving perfectly in quiet rhythm. She broke away once again, but not before planting a kiss at the corner of Akko's mouth. "So, no, Akko. I'm not mad. I am far from mad." She chuckled. An odd behavior for her, but one that happened none the less because she was rather embarrassed and shy when she finished with, "In fact, I'm proud of you."

Akko seemed frozen in time. She slowly licked her bottom lip, as though tasting Diana still there, her hand frozen on Diana's arm. The tears, though, had stopped before they had fully begun. As Diana watched, the girl's expression slowly morphed into one of lopsided confusion.

"You're proud that I lied?"

Diana stared, dumbfounded, completely in awe of the way her girlfriend had managed to interpret an emotional monologue that would likely never come out of her mouth again. And she started laughing.

It started low, stirring in her belly and rising to her chest until she was clutching her side and wheezing. She could feel her face burning red, the tears threatening to spill from the corner of her eyes, and turned away until her hand had planted on the too-hard mattress and was holding her up.

"Wow," she heard Akko say. "You've really lost it."

"Bloody hell, Akko," Diana managed to spit out. She swiped at the corners of her eyes and took a long, rattling breath, struggling to regain her composure. "I don't understand how you're simultaneously both the dumbest and smartest person I've ever met."

Akko shrugged, unable to contain her own amused grin. "Talent, I guess."

Diana let her laughter fade, slowly lowering herself onto the bed as she folded her hands in her lap and stared up at Akko. "I meant I'm proud of you for who you are and all you've done. Not for lying."

Akko smirked. "I know. I was just being a smartass."

She grew quiet once more, shuffling the toes of one foot curling over the other as she stared down in deep thought. Diana could tell she wanted to say something, but this time she didn't interrupt. She waited.

"I—" Akko froze, eyebrows stitching together with worry as she looked up. "I'm a little scared. That I might… you know. Hurt myself. And then—" She nibbled her lip. "What if I can never ride again? What if—"

"Akko." Diana's voice was soft and she was grateful for her ability to become serious at the drop of a hat. She unfolded her hands and took Akko's good one in her own, tugging softly until Akko read the unasked question and sat down at her side. Bare thighs brushed together and Diana relished in the warmth and comfort as she instead switched her attention to Akko's once-broken wrist.

"Let's see, then," Diana murmured. She rolled the wrist in her hands, thumbs and fingers gently prodding as she watched Akko's reaction. "Does anything hurt?"

"Not right now."

"Make a fist, then."

Akko complied. Diana watched, blue eyes flicking between the arm in question and Akko's expression. "How's that feel?"

"Okay," Akko said. "It doesn't hurt."

Diana nodded. "Alright. Squeeze my arm."

Akko's fingers were cold as they wrapped around Diana's wrist. She squeezed, gently at first, before increasing the pressure. "Only if I squeeze really hard," Akko said, releasing her grip and instead letting her fingers interlace with Diana's. "It just feels weak and there's a pain that goes down my thumb into my wrist. Nothing like before, but…"

"That's normal." Diana unthreaded their fingers and took Akko's hand. She pressed on each finger, paying closer attention to the thumb as she bent it back and then across the palm. "And this?"

Akko shrugged. She leaned her shoulder against Diana's, legs shifting slightly in her obvious attempt to get closer. "A little discomfort, but not bad."

"As long as you don't bend it at a weird angle or over-use it, I think it's going to be okay," Diana said. "You just have to be careful."

Akko frowned. "If you say so."

Diana felt herself searching the side of the Akko's face. There was a tiny dirt smear under her eye, a short bit of hay weaved into the side of her bangs. Diana didn't care. Her girlfriend was gorgeous and so close, so excruciatingly close. She could sense the way Akko was squirming underneath her hungry stare, watched as she wet her lips and leaned a little closer.

She knew Akko wanted to kiss her

But not yet.

She pulled away, running her thumbs along the palm of Akko's bad hand, the skin hardened from riding. Akko let her hand fall limp, her fingers falling back into gentle curls every time Diana stretched them out and let them go.

"Maybe we should run a few extra tests," Diana whispered, rising slowly. Akko's eyes trained on her, a hunger matching her own as Diana pressed a few fingers gently to her shoulder and pushed her back on the bed. She swung one leg over Akko's lap, pressing her knees into the side of the bed as she leaned forward.

Akko seemed frozen. She swallowed, nodding, her hair bunching against the sheets. "I-If you say so," she choked out. Her breath had started to hitch as she moved her hips, squirming.

Diana hummed. Smirked. She looked back down, watching Akko's still hand, her twitching fingers, and slowly moved her hips as she slid the hand beneath the waistband of her own shorts, biting down on her lip as she arched her back into the contact. "How's your wrist now?" Diana asked, smirk spreading to a sly grin as she grinded against the limp palm, gasping at the light touch of Akko's curled fingers against her.

"It's—it's great," Akko stuttered, nostrils flaring as she looked down at the wrist disappearing into Diana's shorts. She let out a low moan, squeezing her eyes shut as she let her head fall back once more.

"Good," Diana whispered. She clambered up onto the bed, straddling her girlfriend's lap, and leaned in until her lips and nose were tickling Akko's ear, quick breaths warming the side of her neck. Her own fingers closed around Akko's index and middle, urging them to straighten as she lowered against them and moved her hips. Slowly at first, teasing as the tips of Akko's fingers slid through her, letting out a gasp of a moan each time the pads of her fingers brushed against her throbbing clit. Akko was staring up at her, her pupils blown with desire, her lips parted as she took in Diana's actions.

Diana pressed down, feeling the length of Akko's fingers slide into her, and gasped. She squeezed her eyes shut as she let out a low, raspy moan, teeth brushing against Akko's neck before asking, "And now?" in the exhale of a long breath.

"I, uh-"

Diana sat up, her back arching as she rocked against Akko's fingers, relishing in the fogged look of desire that had clouded Akko's eyes. Akko was raising her own hips now, encouraging the movement, until her fingers curled up hard and Diana's abdomen bucked in surprised pleasure.

"Akko," she hissed.

Akko's lips twitched into a devious smile as she pulled out slightly, lingering with the tips of her fingers a tease of pleasure before grabbing Diana's hip and pushing her down hard. Her fingers curled again, thumb brushing against her clit, making Diana gasp and writhe with need.

Diana looked down. Met Akko's eyes, met the flicker of love that had become so familiar.

"If we're going to take a test ride," Akko murmured, grin growing wider, "Then we might as well try out the full range of motion."

"Might as well," Diana agreed, feeling Akko's spare hand move behind her neck and pull her down until their lips were crashing together, were moving in the not-so-clumsy way that Akko had grown into, in the way Diana had grown accustomed to.

In the way they had grown into each other.

* * *

AKKO

* * *

Akko glanced over at the Ridgetown section of the stands, where friends and family decked in red and white cheered for their team. Canadian flags waved religiously in support of the riders, fluttering through the stagnant air of the stadium with the excited jitter of the crowd. A massive Ridgetown banner hung over the side of the arena wall bearing a large-lettered 'GO RIDGETOWN' held by a few devoted students. She recognized nobody from the other college in the sea of faces. Chloe had left.

But Diana was there, talking to Hannah with a cup of cheap red wine in her hand and waving at Akko every time their eyes met. And her parents, who sat stiff and diligent alongside her girlfriend (progress?) and broke into smiles whenever they saw her look. Otousan was clearly trying to talk to Diana and, from what she could tell from where she was, it looked like it was going okay.

"You ready, Akko?" Amanda asked, sidling up next to the Captain with Star's purple cotton reins clutched firmly in her hands. She lowered her voice so that the rest of the team couldn't hear her, not that it would have been hard to be discreet with how loud their surroundings were. "Do you think you're going to be alright?"

Akko shrugged. She drew a deep breath, turning away from Amanda to run her fingers down Chariot's sleek chestnut neck. Diana had carefully braided her mane that morning, weaving purple and gold yarn through the copper hair until Chariot looked like a professional. And it seemed she could feel how nice she looked. She arched her neck, muscles bulging and flexing beneath glistening skin, and pawed at the ground in anticipation of the Games to come.

"I guess I have to be," she said, though she wasn't all too sure herself. She glanced down at her wrist, her tongue passing over her lips as she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I don't really have a choice, do I?"

"Guess not," Amanda agreed, and they shared a laugh that wasn't quite a laugh at all but more of a noise just to fill the gap.

The call for riders up resounded through the arena and Akko hooked her left foot into the stirrup and swung easily into the saddle, patting Chariot's neck on instinct as she settled in. She rolled her shoulders once, twice, struggling to urge away the nervous energy with a quick stretch.

She could see Andrew a few lanes over from their own as they settled behind the start line. He was poised as he sat, straight as a board, on his prancing black Arabian. He was staring off through the poles, almost as though completely zoned out. He looked over, his eyes dark beneath the shadow of his helmet as he met Akko's curious gaze and looked away without a single change in expression.

Not that she expected much more. Chloe  _had_ kind of manhandled him in front of over a dozen girls. She wouldn't be surprised at all if his pride was hurting more than Lotte's ribs.

One by one, her teammates began to warm up. Amanda went first, keeping Spirit slow and steady (as Akko had demanded, because their team  _didn't_ need to gain a reputation for unruly ponies) as she weaved through the poles with the baton in her hand.

The team was quiet. Gone was the confident chatter of the day before, the excitement that surged throughout both teammates and ponies alike as they prepared for the first day of the Games. Lotte was gone—sidelined and seated with Miss Nelson and on a  _lot_ of painkillers—and, once more, the team wasn't whole.

And a puzzle without a missing piece was never satisfying, no matter how beautiful the art.

Akko stepped up to the line, unconsciously flexing her wrist as she stood in the irons and took the baton from Amanda's hand. She sat deep in the saddle as she pressed Chariot into a slow gallop, weaving through the poles at a pace the third of what she would use in competition. There was no point in getting Chariot riled up just yet. It was a warm-up, a warning of what was to come, and she knew Chariot sensed Akko's anxiety and the tension of the upcoming competition. Her ears flicked back and forth as she cut between the poles, whirling expertly on her haunches to begin her return to the start line. Brown eyes focused on the team ahead, on the familiar ponies that she was used to working with. She had a job to do, a job that required accuracy, speed, and unwavering attention.

She was good at it. And she knew it. She didn't bother to fight against Akko's tight hold as she moved, her motion more up-and-down than forward, but the energy pulsed through her body with each hoof sinking into the arena's deep sand.

"Riders to the start," the announcer shrilled through a microphone that cracked halfway through. "As a reminder, points currently hold Ridgetown and Appleton tied for first."

Cheers erupted from Ridgetown's area in the stadium. Canadian flags waved through the crowd, flapped against the dirt-smeared white walls of the arena. Some of the ponies eyed the activity warily, though Chariot didn't seem to care at all.

"First race is Speed Weavers. On the flag."

From her sock, Akko pulled the line-up. Speed Weavers had been one of the races Lotte was slotted into. "Amanda, Jas, Cons, me," she shouted. Amanda was already in the box, waiting as she poised atop an eager Star, hand firmly clutching the baton.

The green flag fluttered at the other side of the arena, held straight in the hands of the official. The stadium grew quiet as the moment seemed to linger on until, finally,

it fell.

* * *

DIANA

* * *

"Get 'em, Amanda!" Hannah shouted, rising from the hard plastic seat and thrusting her wine cup forward in a salute to her girlfriend. Amanda had gotten a bit of a slow start because Star had decided to go up instead of forward, but his speed quickly caught up to the rest of the ponies and overtook them. Amanda seemed determined, concentrated, focused purely on the task at hand and making sure her hand-off was nothing but perfection. And it was much like her. Amanda always sought perfection as far as her own performance, but once she was finished, once she was good… well, no one else mattered.

At least, that's how things  _used_ to be, back when Amanda was on the Hunt team and wanted nothing to do with the other riders' performances.

This time, though, she spun a feisty Star and began to cheer wildly for her teammates, fists pumping into the air as she urged Jasminka to ride faster. This was a team sport that the seemingly untamable American fully embraced and Diana couldn't help but think that a certain Japanese girl had something to do with it.

Her eyes fell on Akko. She could tell her girlfriend was nervous. Chariot's cotton reins were gathered in one hand as her other fell to her lips, teeth anxiously gnawing at her fingernails as she watched. When it was her turn, she dropped her hands and urged Chariot forward, slouching in the saddle with her toes pointed straight down as she rode into the start box.

But though she was nervous—and there was no doubt about that—Akko didn't let it show. As soon as Constanze was a stride away Akko was reaching for the baton and expertly snagging it from her teammate just as Chariot launched towards the first pole. They were neck-and-neck with Ridgetown but Akko thrust her arms forward and let her mare take full rein, only sitting back to help her spin around the far pole as they turned for home. It wasn't long before she overtook Ridgeway and surged over the line first.

Luna Nova had won their first race. Down a rider and with the last minute substitution of Constanze, they had done it. Ridgeway sank down into their chairs, letting their flags fall limp at the sight of their team's loss.

But they still had nine races to go. Nine races that included vaulting, which Akko would have to participate in. Nine races of Andrew, and who knew how he would act based on the previous night. Nine races of… well, complete and utter anxiety on her end.

Diana sank back against the hard chair, raising her plastic cup to her lips and taking a long, drawn out gulp of the dry red wine she'd purchased at one of the vendors. It wasn't good, by any means, but it was enough to get a buzz going to loosen the vines that had wrapped around her heart and were clenching, hard.

"You okay, Diana?" Hannah asked, folding a soft hand around her elbow as she sat back down. She offered a gentle squeeze. "You don't seem quite as into this as you did yesterday."

Diana shook her head. "I'm fine," she said, but she knew Hannah didn't believe her—mostly because she tilted the cup back, swigged down the rest of the wine, and dismissed herself for another before Hannah could ask any more questions.

* * *

AKKO

* * *

Okay, so they weren't doing as well as she'd hoped.

They'd lost the last two races. Second in one, which wasn't so bad, but the fifth place in the Founder's race would drop their points by quite a bit. Especially since Ridgetown and Appleton were the one-two finishers once again. Andrew had glanced in her direction, though Akko hadn't looked back. She felt the taunt there, felt the dare to race Chariot against his finely bred Arabian. The competition wasn't about that. It wasn't about rivalry, it wasn't about who could outrun who. Well, kind of. But it was more about her team. It was more about the four girls who surrounded her, who counted on the crumpled line-up in her knee-high socks to lead them to success.

Next was Pony Pairs. Another race that was meant to have Lotte, because Spirit was usually calm and easily and got along with Mushroom. Cookie was much too slow and Jasminka had little in the way of being able to keep focused on both the string in her hand and the two ponies weaving through poles, so the line-up had to be changed once more: Constanze, on short little Stan, would have to match up with both Star and a much taller Mushroom.

"You're going to have to keep Star calm," Akko murmured to Amanda. Star was already frothing at the mouth. Sweat coated his neck even just four races in, and his hooves barely stayed on the ground as he danced and skittered over the sand in typical fashion. "Stan won't be able to keep up if he bolts like he usually does, and you're likely to rip the string out from Constanze's hand and then you'll have to start all over again. You've got to keep him under control."

"I know, Gaygari." Amanda rolled her eyes and tossed her hand in the air in a dismissive wave. "Chill out, would ya? Star might be a little nuts, but he and I can communicate in ways that you've never seen."

Right. That Akko had never seen. Because she literally had  _never_ seen it. Amanda was always egging her pony on, always asking him for risky behavior even when it wasn't necessary. She had never once witnessed the girl ask her pony to remain calm and keep things under control.

As Akko moved to the other end of the arena with Constanze, she glanced at the smaller German girl in an attempt to gauge how she felt. She would've asked Cons that question, but her attention was elsewhere—in the stands where Akko supposed her parents were—and she knew very little in the way of sign language other than Hello, Lesbian, and a few other obscenities. But the other girl looked as stoic as always, sitting straight in the saddle as Stan pranced his way alongside Chariot. Chariot dipped her nose, blowing hot air from her nostrils as she trotted along, tugging ever so gently at the reins.

As the other ponies gathered and the stadium once again grew silent, save for the music that was playing overhead (music that Akko was paying absolutely no attention to), Sucy stepped up to the start line. She held the rope in her hand, twirling it lazily at Mushroom's side as she brought her pony to a square halt at the start line.

"Riders ready," the announcer called. "On the flag."

The flag fell, and six riders and ponies bolted forward.

Bolted.

Sucy and Mushroom were… really moving.

Fast?

Akko blinked at her teammate, the teammate who usually took her time and made sure to hit accuracy above all else. She rarely put in the effort to make Mushroom reach his full potential and yet there she was, her legs wailing and hand pumping as she urged her pony through the poles to pick up Constanze.

Sand flew as Mushroom spun in a 180 behind Stan. Sucy stretched her arm out, flinging the rope to Constanze's waiting hand, bending over just enough so that there would be no tension in the height difference of the ponies. Off they went, both tightly clutching the rope, Cons guiding her pony so close to Mushroom that their legs slammed together as they cut between each pole.

On the far end of the arena, Star reared.

"Come on, Amanda," Akko muttered under her breath, whirling Chariot in a circle to keep her from getting too amped up. She was watching the other ponies run and tossing her head in the air, anxious to join into the race, ready to run against the other ponies that were racing against each other, against time. "Keep it together."

Sucy dropped the rope as soon as the two had crossed the line and Cons whirled, reaching up toward Amanda and the pony that spun so quickly that Akko was afraid they would miss the connection.

But they didn't.

Amanda snagged the rope tight in her hand and dropped heavily to the side, one hand holding Star back from his usual launch so that he instead flowed into a slow gallop to match Stan's shorter stride. And she stayed like that, fully concentrated on maintaining the link between them, fully concentrated on achieving the one thing that Akko had asked and had, admittedly, not expected.

She could hear her talking to Star. Could hear the exchange between horse and rider.

"Easy up, Star," Amanda cooed, stopping the potential bolt as she felt his front hooves claw the air before them. "Stay with Stan. That's it, boy. You've got it."

Constanze, meanwhile, was fully focused. Her knuckles were white against the rope as her legs pounded against Stan's sides, urging him faster, keeping him close to each pole as they ducked around and headed for Akko.

And suddenly they were upon her.

Constanze dropped the rope. Stan continued on. Star spun on his hindquarters and Akko had but a segment of a moment to process the rope being held toward her, to the little bay pony rearing in readiness for her to take it and continue on.

Akko reached out and snagged the knot. It felt damp in her palm, wet with the sweat of her anxious teammates.

"Let's put this one to bed, Kagari," Amanda said, and the two ponies bolted together.

Normally, Amanda would fight against her. Star would struggle for the lead as though it was a race against Chariot, not a race against the other ponies, and Akko would find herself growing irritated as she strained to keep hold of the rope keeping them together. But not then. The two ponies, nearly the same height, matched stride for stride as they weaved between poles. There was no tension in the rope, which fell slack between their hands. In fact, Akko thought briefly, she and Amanda could have been holding hands for how close they were. Their legs brushed together, the iron of their stirrups clanking with each powerful stride of their small mounts.

And, together, ponies and riders in sync, Amanda and Akko flew across the finish line.

"Luna Nova first," the announcer shrilled over the mic.

Akko hadn't even realized they were ahead. The entire race, she hadn't looked at the other teams to see where they were at. Her mind had been fully trained on her team, on their ability to work together and accomplish the goal when the odds were against them.

She never expected to win.

But they did.

Riding the high from Pony Pairs, they went on to win the next race. It helped that the team was accurate with mugs—well, all for Akko, of course, which is why she sat out—and, though St. Andrew's had made it a close call, it only served to make the team more hopeful. Nelson and Lotte, drugged though she was, cheered loudly from where they sat in the coach's box.

"That's it, guys!" Lotte yelled, her voice slightly slurred through the painkillers. "Knock 'em dead as a door snail! Door snails unite!"

"Door snails unite!" Amanda called back with a cackle, tossing Lotte a thumbs up which the other girl returned vigorously.

But Akko couldn't share in their glee. Not with the next race.

Tool Box.

It was a vault race.

She would… have to vault.

She stood still, rigid atop Chariot as the officials set up the equipment for the race, and stared down at her unbraced left wrist. She could have thought of the night before but she didn't. It seemed worlds away, so far gone from the events that were about to happen. Images of falling flew through her mind, of reaching for Chariot's neck strap only to feel the weight against her weak bone and the loud crack to follow. Images of failure, of disappointing her team, of disappointing everybody counting on her.

She looked up to the stands, her breath catching in her throat as she found the one person who believed in her the most.

Diana.

* * *

DIANA

* * *

"The next race is Tool Box," the announcer stated as the officials pulled the weaving poles to the side of the arena and began replacing the lanes with barrels and smaller items. "The first rider will place the toolbox on the barrel. Each rider following will dismount to grab a tool, drop it in the box, and return to the start line. The last rider of each team will place the final tool in the box and bring the box back to the start with all the tools inside."

Get off and on again.

Vaulting.

Her cup of wine was nearly empty once more as Diana brought it to her lips. She took a tiny sip, watching the team of five ponies as they walked in circles at the end of the arena in an attempt to keep them calm. Until one grew still. A vibrant copper chestnut, her white-licked nose tilted to the sky in parallel to her rider's red eyes searching up.

And finding her own.

Akko's facial expression did not change. She merely held the blue eyes that she had searched for and Diana knew that something was expected of her. Reassurance. Confidence. But Akko was usually the confident one, not her, and she wasn't quite sure she could summon the courage—

"You can do it, Akko!" she heard herself shout as she rose, swaying ever so slightly, to her feet. "I believe in you!"

"Go, Atsuko!" Okaasan shrieked from her side. "You can do this!"

"You've got it, Atsuko!" Otousan added as clambered up.

And altogether the four rose—Okaasan, Otousan, Diana, and Hannah—with their arms lifted up together, cheering the obviously nervous girl on, hoping to give her the confidence she needed to achieve a task that seemed so far uphill that Diana knew Akko wasn't sure she could climb.

But where Akko was weak, Diana knew that she had to step up. If the mountain was too steep, if the path was too narrow, Diana would take Akko on her back and carry her where she needed to go.

* * *

AKKO

* * *

Her heart was shrill in her ears, painful against her chest as she struggled to breathe evenly. She could barely focus through the blood that was rushing through her head. She pulled her hands away from the reins and wiped her sweaty palms on her already dirty breeches, swallowing hard and moving Chariot in a slow circle as she waited for the race to begin.

Jasminka tossed her the white headband. Akko stared at it in her hands, her tongue passing across her bottom lip as she took another sharp breath.

"You are anchoring this one, aren't you?" Jasminka asked, cocking her head to the side as her eyebrows rose up to disappear beneath the top of her helmet. "I thought that's what you said in the new line-up."

"Yeah," Akko grunted back. She forced a smile at her teammate and dropped the reins, tugging the thick band into place on her helmet and nodding at her teammate. "Anchor. Yeah."

"It'll be fine, Akko," Jasminka reassured, moving Cookie forward to place a hand on her thigh. "It's not our strongest race, but we'll get through it. Promise."

Akko nodded. She knew they'd get through it. Of course they would. But as she glanced down at her wrist again, as she flexed her fingers and felt the tightness of her ligaments and the weakness in her bones, she wondered if  _she_ would get through it.

"Riders to the line," the announcer called. "On the flag."

Amanda and Star stepped forward. They would start.

The flag fell.

Star rose and leapt into the air but was quickly caught by the bit in his mouth as Amanda pulled back, steering the muscular pony one handed to the right to cut into an S-turn just before the massive blue barrel. She leaned hard to the side, slamming the small wooden toolbox down and looking back just to make sure it was stable on the top of the barrel as Star began racing for the end of the lane.

Sand was flying everywhere. The crowd was erupting in supporting cheers, waving flags and posters with the names of riders, numbers, and ponies. Dust rose across the arena as each pony skidded at the end of the lane for their riders to hop off and then vault back on, obscuring vision for a passing second until each emerged, all together as one, in a rapid gallop back to the box.

Akko glanced to the stands. Her parents, Diana, and Hannah were all on their feet, cheering wildly.

But where Amanda had kept them together with the rest of the teams, Luna Nova slowly began to fall behind. Next was Stan, who as small as he was wasn't able to keep up with the larger ponies of the teams that surrounded them. Ridgetown had taken the lead by a few strides but Beaulieu wasn't far behind. And though Constanze could vault, it didn't matter. The short strides of her pony had cost them valuable time.

And Jasminka couldn't vault at all. By the time her feet slid into the irons of the stirrups to hoist herself back into the saddle, Luna Nova had fallen to fourth.

"Come on, Akko," Amanda said, hand clapping against her back. "You can do this. Just focus. Your wrist will be just fine."

But Akko wasn't so sure.

She wasn't sure at all.

And so by the time Jasminka flew across the start line and Chariot had rushed forward, Akko's nerves were on fire. Her muscles felt rigid and tense, time passing slowly by as her pony raced to the end of the lane to where the final tool lay half-buried in the sand. Her head was pounding and it felt like something heavy had dropped into her gut and, at any moment, she might be nauseous.

Akko leapt from Chariot, her paddock boots striking the soft ground in rhythm with the pony's stride. She bent down, snagged the tool, and coughed through the dust as Chariot whirled and began to launch into a gallop once more.

And this was where Akko would grab the strap, would run for just a couple feet before hoisting herself into the air and using the momentum of her reliable pony to pull her into the saddle. It was where she would be racing for the toolbox, would be racing to make up ground and their position in the race even if they couldn't win. It was where she was counted on to deliver, where she was counted on to be the Captain and show the rest of the team what determination and confidence could achieve.

Instead, she panicked.

Her hand tightened against the one rein she held and Chariot jerked back in surprise, her nose tilting into the air as her hooves flew out to the side. She spun in a small circle and Akko was aware of St. Andrew's, the only team they were ahead of, racing away towards the barrel to finish the race.

Akko clenched her jaw. She grabbed a tight hold on one of the braids that Diana had put into Chariot's mane, which loosened under her sweaty grip, and brought the mare to a stop as she planted her foot into the stirrup iron and lifted herself into the saddle the regular way. The safe way.

She couldn't do it.

She felt her vision fog as she looked toward the finish, where the rest of the teams were already waiting on Luna Nova. And, with a defeated nudge of her heels, she sent Chariot into a slow canter to retrieve the toolbox and finish the race. Last.

But it wasn't the result that she couldn't accept. It wasn't the fact that the supporters in the stands slowly drifted to their seats, let down. It wasn't the curious stares from her teammates as she pulled Chariot to a stop and looked away deliberately so they couldn't see the tears welling in her eyes.

It was her own failure.

Akko was the brave one. The reckless one. The one who took chances without thinking of the consequences.

She was supposed to step up. For her family, for her team, for herself.

And she did step up—literally—and, for that exact reason, she had not faced the challenge that was staring her in the eyes.

Instead, she had backed away in fear, retreated to the shadows of safety.

And failed.

* * *

DIANA

* * *

"What is she doing?" Hannah mumbled, shooting a sideways glance at Diana as Akko spun Chariot in a circle at the end of the lane. "Isn't she supposed to get on the pony?"

Diana's teeth clamped down on her bottom lip as she stared intently, unable to answer her friend as she focused primarily on her girlfriend and the internal struggle she knew was happening before her eyes. Akko had backed out of the vault. She was pulling Chariot to a stop so that she could mount the normal way, the way that put no strain on her wrist.

"Come on, Akko," she heard herself say, her fist unconsciously tightening around the half-empty wine cup in her hand. "You can do this. Just go for it."

But Akko didn't. The rest of the teams had already finished the race by the time she'd lifted herself into the saddle and made her way slowly back to the rest of the team. Once there, she stretched her arm out to the side and carelessly dropped the toolbox into the sand, retreating away from the other four riders to find what little solitude she could.

"It's her wrist, isn't it?" Otousan asked as he settled back into the chair once the deafening roar of Ridgetown, victorious once again, died to dull chatter. "Is she not able to use it in the way she once was?"

"She… she is," Diana said, hesitant in her response as she lifted her gaze to meet familiar red eyes. "She's ready and she can use it. She's just scared."

It was weak, that much was true, and Diana was just as scared as she knew Akko was. She didn't want to see her girlfriend hurt again, much less unable to ride once more, and understood the fear that had taken hold during the race and commanded a safer approach to the unknown. But she also knew that this was something Akko had to do. This was something Akko had to prove to herself, alone. Akko had forged the letter for a reason, had pushed herself to come to Internationals for a reason, had pushed herself to the very limit for a  _reason._ And, yes, part of that reason was her parents, part of that reason was her teammates, part of that reason was Luna Nova and the desire to succeed for the university that counted on her so much.

But the real reason, Diana knew, was that Akko had something to prove… to herself.

* * *

AKKO

* * *

"What happened?" Amanda asked as she nudged Star over to Akko's side. "Chariot had you perfectly set up. All you had to do was—"

"I know what I had to do," Akko snapped. She squeezed her eyes shut, tilting her chin back as she swallowed hard and tried to drown out the laugh track that was replaying in her mind.

Haha, Akko failed.

Haha, Akko couldn't do it.

Haha, Akko's a joke.

Her jaw clenched, tensed, rolled as she took a long breath, opened her eyes, and looked to her friend.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice soft as she shifted in the saddle that suddenly felt so hard underneath her. "I wasn't able to. I wasn't ready. I just couldn't and—"

"Akko."

Sucy had appeared next to her. Since when had Sucy been there? Her lavender-haired roommate smiled—something Akko rarely saw—and placed a hand gently on Akko's thigh. "Akko, it's alright. It was just one race and everyone has a moment of weakness once in a while. You'll get it next time. We all believe in you."

"Yeah, Akko," Jasminka said, pulling a snorting Cookie up beside Sucy. "We've seen you overcome way more. None of us are disappointed in you. Right, Cons?" She lifted one hand and signed to the shorter girl, who had moved Stan up into the group of ponies.

Cons flashed a grin. Threw a thumbs up. Then signed, a wave of gestures and signals that Akko couldn't understand.

"She believes in you, too."

"Me, too!" Lotte hollered from the coach stand near where they stood. She rose, nearly falling down with a grunt of pain but saved by the hand of Miss Nelson, who quickly caught her, and began chanting. "Ak-ko! Ak-ko! Ak-ko!"

The rest of the team just stared.

"Fine, then," Lotte said, rolling her eyes and passing a hand through her already ruffled ginger hair. "You all suck. Except you, Akko. You don't suck."

Akko stared down at her hands. At the wrist that was much paler than the other, the wrist that hat felt much weaker, the wrist that she wasn't even sure would make it through the day.

"See, Akko?" Amanda said at her side. Star lifted his head and placed his lips against Akko's breeches, leaving a long trail of spittle and foam. "We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. Blue ribbon, red ribbon, yellow ribbon, brown ribbon, whatever—we don't care. We're here for you." Her hand fell on Akko's shoulder. Squeezed. "We're here for you, Captain."

There were four more races. Four. Luna Nova still had a chance if they did well in each one. They could still overtake Appleton, and maybe even Ridgetown, if they kept their results to first or second and Akko was hopeful they could keep the morale alive, could keep their hopes in place with the speed and accuracy she knew they were capable of.

Until Jasminka dropped the ball—literally—in ball and cone and had to get off, remount, and place the ball back on the cone halfway through the next race. But, at least, this time, they weren't the only team to make a grave mistake. St. Andrew's and Beaulieu had messed up, too, and by the time Constanze and Stan came racing for home, Luna Nova was able to finish fourth in the race.

But then their luck changed.

Hi-Lo would be tough on Constanze, mostly because Stan was so short and the race required the rider to nearly stand in the stirrups at the end of the lane to dunk a tennis ball into a basketball hoop. So she sat out, waiting patiently near a rambling Lotte as the rest of the team carried out the race. Jasminka didn't miss the tennis ball from the cone, this time, and came roaring home after dunking the ball (she didn't even have to stand up) with a fist-pump, only a hoofbeat behind Andrew for Appleton.

"Sucy," Akko called as the team gathered as the officials changed the equipment for the second-to-last race. She folded the dirty and wrinkled line-up and shoved it into her sock, taking the white anchor band from Jasminka and holding it forward. "I want you to anchor for two flag."

"Me?" Sucy stared at the white band as though Akko was offering her a vial of poison, the corner of her nose cricked in confusion. "Why would you want me to anchor  _two flag_? This is a fast race, it's going to be tight. You'll want you or Amanda to anchor."

Akko shook her head. She shoved the band into Sucy's hands. "I saw how fast you made Mushroom go earlier. And you're the most accurate out of all of us. You won't screw up. You deserve this chance. Just take it."

"I—" Sucy looked as though she wanted to argue more as she stared at the fabric in her hand. Finally, with pursed lips, she smoothed the thick band and tugged it down over her jockey helmet. "Okay," she said with a resolute nod, glancing around at the rest of her smiling team. "You've got it, Captain."

Two flag was fast. Sucy was right. Two ponies at either end, the rider simply pulled a flag from the closest cone and dunked it into the one at the far end of the lane. It was more of a flag shuffle, something that kept the horse and rider at a full-out gallop the entire time, and left little room for error.

The type of race that would be over in a minute, flat.

"Amanda, start us off," Akko said. She nodded to the start box.

"Cons is supposed to start," Amanda replied. She glanced at the shorter girl, eyebrows knitting together. "You throwing the line-up to the wind, Cap'?"

"Sure am." Akko grinned, beckoning for Sucy to come along with her to the other end of the arena where they waited for the race to begin.

"On the flag," the announcer said. His voice seemed to be growing weary, though the enthusiasm was still there all the same.

Star spun in a circle in the start box. His right leg reached forward, small, shod hoof pawing at the sand in eager readiness as the ponies around him danced and twirled with the prospect of running.

The flag fell.

Amanda dipped low to the side, her hand sweeping in a circle as her fingers closed around the flag in the first cone. Not once did she alter her position. Star kept on in a straight line, his stride only growing more powerful as his rider dangled motionless, waiting. Her fingers moved slowly down the wooden shaft of the flag, changing the angle ever so slightly until she speared it into the opening of the second cone and flew across the line.

Star's hoof was barely over the line before Chariot was moving. The air was no longer stagnant but instead hummed in Akko's ears as the mare charged forward like a steed into war, tail flagged out behind her as her hooves dug into the sand and propelled her forward, ever-faster. Two flag wasn't Akko's best race but it wasn't her worst, either, and she focused on each target as she snagged the flag Amanda had just dunked and shoved it into the cone nearest Constanze.

Akko was breathing hard as she crossed the line, panting heavily as she whirled to watch the rest of the race. The six teams were neck and neck until Sweet Briar missed a cone and whirled. St. Andrew's knocked a cone. It was Luna Nova, Appleton, Ridgetown, and Beaulieu now, and though Constanze was forcing Stan forward as quickly as she could, Luna Nova was falling back.

Ridgetown and Appleton had charged into a head-to-head lead by the time Mushroom spurred into action.

From across the arena, Akko could see the determination lit across Sucy's face. The girl's heels dug deep into the pony's sides, the one hand holding the reins pumping with determination as she snagged the first flag and twirled it like a baton in her hand. Appleton was falling back, unable to match the speed of Ridgetown's pony, and was only a mere stride ahead of them.

And, suddenly, it was like Mushroom had found a next gear. Akko could see the muscles flexing in his powerful hindquarters as he dug in and bolted forward, his neck fully outstretched, nostrils flaring with the same determination of his rider as she urged him on. Sucy sunk low, low enough to touch the ground if she tried, and speared the flag into the cone to screech across the finish line so fast Akko wasn't sure she'd be able to pull up in time.

"Close for second," the announcer called. "Luna Nova by a nose."

Second.

Akko grinned, nodding to herself as she turned to find a panting Sucy trotting up to her.

"Sorry," Sucy said, rocking back in the saddle and scratching at Mushroom's withers. "Couldn't catch Canada, they had too much of a lead on me."

Akko shook her head, reaching over to pat Mushroom's sweaty neck. His barrel was heaving beneath Sucy's legs, nostrils blowing hard from the effort he'd put forward.

"You have no reason to apologize whatsoever," she said, grinning as she met the other girl's eyes. "You did us all proud. See?"

She nodded towards the stands, where the entirety of Luna Nova had risen and the echo of cheers were still ringing through the stadium, still ricocheting off the walls much louder than Ridgetown's victory cries:

"SU-CY, SU-CY, SU-CY!"

Behind them, Lotte was raising her arms in the air, desperately howling along with the crowd.

Sucy ducked her head, a blush etching across her cheeks as she threaded her fingers through Mushroom's dark mane and tried to hide a shy smile. "It was all Mushroom," she mumbled.

"No," Akko countered, her grin widening as Sucy's eyes met her own. "It was all you."

* * *

DIANA

* * *

As Luna Nova slowly settled back into quiet, Diana's eyes remained trained on two things: Akko, and the scoreboard.

UNIVERSITY OF GUELPH RIDGETOWN: 89

APPLETON UNIVERSITY: 80

LUNA NOVA UNIVERSITY: 75

SWEET BRIAR COLLEGE: 52

BEAULIEU COLLEGE: 51

ST. ANDREW'S COLLEGE: 46

There was no way that Luna Nova could catch Ridgetown. Not with a single race left. But they still had a chance for second. A slim one, sure, but it was there.

"The last race is Sock and Buckets," came the booming voice of the announcer. "Each rider will race to the end of the lane, where they will retrieve a sock from the ground and dunk it into a bucket waiting near the start line. Officials, radio when ready."

Diana knew two things: first, that the sock race was Akko's favorite race and self-proclaimed best race. Second, that the sock race required vaulting.

The team was milling about, circling and chatting, waiting for the final race to be ready. There was a nervous energy that filled the stadium. Save for Ridgetown, who was already beginning celebrations at their victory in the International competition. They were dancing and cheering, shouting rider's names who would turn with a wide grin and a thumbs up. They had nothing to lose. They could trot the race and come in last by a mile and still win.

But Diana knew that this competition still mattered to Akko, to the team, and so she slammed home the rest of her wine and rose.

"Come on, Luna Nova!" she yelled, cupping her hands around her mouth to make herself louder. Hannah raised an eyebrow, staring at her awkwardly before rising alongside.

"Let's go, Luna Nova!" Hannah added, raising a hand into the air and waving enthusiastically. Amanda looked up and grinned, whirling her pony and making him rear in Hannah's direction. Normally, Diana—and probably Hannah—would have scolded the encouragement of such poor behavior for the pony. But, right now, it didn't matter. Instead, they cheered louder, louder until Okaasan and Otousan were rising with them, until the rest of the stands were on their feet and yelling, too.

Until the entirety of the building was echoing with support. Support for the team that couldn't, the team that, in all honesty, wouldn't.

The team that nobody in Luna Nova knew they had ever wanted.

* * *

AKKO

* * *

Sucy tossed the white band back to Akko, who could do nothing but stare at it. The anchor band. The stupid, stretchy piece of plastic that everybody counted on—that mattered the most in the race—and she would be wearing it.

"Maybe Amanda should take it," Akko said, curling her lip with unease as she stared down at the band. She glanced back up at her team, the team that was all staring at her with expectancy. "I could sit this one out."

"Akko." Sucy reached forward, wrapping her hand around Chariot's ear and waggling it gently and affectionately. "Just take it. Sock is your best race."

"Yeah," Amanda said. "Besides, I would fudge it up if I was anchor. I mean, look at that, we need to win this—" She coughed as Jasminka slammed a fist into her side. "What I mean to say is that I'm not the strongest rider here. I'm used to starting, and so that's where I'll be."

"Put it on," Sucy urged. Her fingers found Chariot's forelock, which still fell wild and free (because Akko wouldn't let Diana braid it), and rolled the stiff hair against her skin. "You won't screw up." Akko's own words echoed back into her ears. "You deserve this. Put it on."

And so she did.

* * *

DIANA

* * *

Amanda and Star were dancing in the starting box, spinning in tight circles as the pony's front hooves repeatedly left the ground in and attempt to lunge forward. But not yet. Not until the flag fell, not until the rest of the ponies burst forward in speed that could rival a thoroughbred out of a gate, not until—

The flag fell.

Six ponies left the start box. Six ponies with riders begging for speed, begging for legs to move faster and hooves to dig deeper, begging for hearts to hold on and exhaustion to hold out. Six riders all straining to be the best—maybe not in the entire competition, but in the race, at least—and gritting their teeth against the sand that billowed around them, roused by the sound of stampeding hooves against the backdrop of music that no one was paying attention to.

Amanda leapt from Star, her heels skidding through the earth as the pony dragged her a couple feet before she bent down, snagged a sock, and vaulted back onto a still-turning Star to surge back toward the rest of the team.

No one had made a mistake.

Diana had stopped cheering. Her hands were clenching and unclenching unconsciously, the plastic cup still holding wine in her hand crinkling and cracking beneath her ministrations. Okaasan and Otousan were loud, bellowing their support along with Hannah, who was jumping up and down and screaming her girlfriend to success.

Amanda dunked the sock, whipped across the line, and Constanze was off.

The race was still tight, but Stan was falling behind. That was, until they reached the end of the lane, where Diana knew the socks lay in a chalked circle. Instead of dismounting, Constanze simply reached down and snagged one off the ground without ever even having to step off her pony. The time saved caught Luna Nova back up and, by the time Sucy was pushing Mushroom into a run, six riders were once again leading the start all at the same time.

Sucy and Mushroom had found speed. Diana had never seen the two move so quickly, had never seen Sucy put so much effort into making her pony move. But there she was, her lavender ponytail streaming out from underneath her helmet as she leaned low on his neck and pushed. If hopping off was graceful, her vault was even moreso, long legs splaying through the air as the pony pulled her forward and down into the saddle, down toward the bucket where she easily dunked the sock and sped for where Akko waited.

For where Akko waited.

Chariot reared up.

And Diana watched as Akko grit her teeth, buried her hands along the sides of the pony's muscular neck, and slammed her legs against Chariot's sides.

Once more, six ponies left the starting line.

* * *

AKKO

* * *

Her heart was beating faster than before. Was that even possible? Her blood felt like hot, boiling lava beneath her skin and she knew that she was pouring sweat. It dripped down her temples, made her bangs cling to her forehead. The wind was loud in her ears but her breathing was louder and all that mattered was that final sock, was this final race, was the one thing she knew she needed to do.

_Everyone has a moment of weakness once in a while._

Sucy was right. Akko had seen each and every one of her friends fall into weakness, fall into a place where they had to claw their way out either by themselves or with the help of someone else. It didn't matter. What mattered was they kept trying, was they kept hoping, was that they found the strength in them to put things back together again.

She thought of Diana.

Diana, who had caved beneath the pressure of the ghosts that haunted her mind, who had given up in the face of fear and let herself be carried into the shadows.

Diana, who found her way out through the strength that Akko always knew she had.

Diana, who stood in the stands cheering for her, screaming her lungs out, believing in her still, believing in her always.

Akko's boots hit the ground. Sand swirled around her as her hand sunk into the soft earth and dug out the last sock. She looked up to Chariot, who was spinning on her haunches and preparing to launch in stride with Akko's legs, preparing to propel her back into the saddle where she belonged.

Everyone had a moment of weakness.

But with weakness came strength.

Akko's hand seized the strap around her pony's neck, felt the supple leather dig into the skin of her fingers. The ache in her wrist grew, the weak bone bowing beneath the force of the pull of the pony and the pressure that came with it.

But Akko ignored all of it.

Instead, she leapt.

* * *

DIANA

* * *

The plastic cup cracked beneath the force of her grip and Diana felt the last bit of her red wine spilling against her hands as it fell to the ground. She didn't care. She ignored it. Instead, her screaming grew only louder, her cheers ever more desperate as she began leaping with Hannah and shouting for Akko, shouting for Chariot, shouting for Luna Nova.

The stands erupted as Akko spiraled into the air, as she landed squarely on Chariot's back and hurtled forward without missing a beat. Akko's feet were no longer in the stirrups, but dangled beneath her as she pushed the pony beyond her limit, pushed her against the five others racing to hit the line first.

Akko's heel hooked onto the back of her saddle as she dropped to the side, dangling precariously from the side of the pony as she held the hand clutching the sock out, ready to meet the bucket. It reminded Diana of one of the first times she'd seen Akko, who she had joined in one of the arenas and watched with arrogant curiosity as the girl raced her pony around and leapt on and off, performing one gymnastic feat after the other for a reason that Diana hadn't known at the time.

But now she knew.

It made Akko happy.

Akko's hand disappeared into the navy blue bucket that sat in the middle of the lane and, when it emerged, it was empty.

The six ponies were still neck and neck, still battling for the lead, but Chariot was fast and Diana knew it.

"Go, Akko! Go, Chariot!"

Chariot lunged forward, her neck fully outstretched as her hooves clawed the air, the ground, as her muscular body hurtled with reckless abandon in the direction of the other ponies who were gathered at the end of the arena.

And when they finished the race, only five ponies crossed the line together.

Because Chariot was a length in front.

* * *

AKKO

* * *

"Thatta girl, Akko!" Amanda shouted, clapping her on the back.

Akko grinned, finally releasing her white-knuckled left hand from Chariot's vaulting strap and shaking it out to the side. It was sore, if only just a little, but no worse for the wear and she felt like she could do the race all over again without hurting herself.

"Luna Nova first," the announcer bellowed. "A tight race. One moment for the final results."

Akko glanced to the scoreboard as she heaved for air, walking a panting Chariot in a tight circle.

The bright red numbers flashed the change. The final score.

UNIVERSITY OF GUELPH RIDGETOWN: 92

APPLETON UNIVERSITY: 81

LUNA NOVA UNIVERSITY: 81

SWEET BRIAR COLLEGE: 57

BEAULIEU COLLEGE: 56

ST. ANDREW'S COLLEGE: 48

Ridgetown erupted in cheers. Canadian flags fluttered through the air as they chanted, screeched, yelled, banged against the walls of the arena.

"There will be a tie-breaker for second place," the announcer spoke. "Appleton and Luna Nova, please ready one rider each for Speed Weavers."

"Easy," Akko said, hand moving to her cap to pull off the anchor band and toss to Amanda. "You're best at this. You can beat anyone, Amanda."

"Eh, I don't know." Amanda nodded down at Star, who was panting heavily, sweat pouring from his neck and from the bottom of his barrel. "He's pretty tapped. Chariot is way more athletic. It's all you, Akko."

Akko swallowed. Looked up. The rest of the teams had moved to the side of the arena as the officials pulled the poles into place and Appleton settled into the lane beside them. Andrew was tugging the white band over his helmet and, with a cautious eye, glanced in Akko's direction.

His expression remained neutral. No taunts, no comments. Just an idle glance.

"Alright," Akko breathed, nodding in agreement as she dropped her hand from her helmet. "I'll do it."

"Go get 'em, Captain," Amanda said, flashing a lopsided grin as she waved for the rest of the team to gather by the wall, near a Lotte who had settled down a lot and was looking rather woozy.

"The winner of this race will receive one point in favor of their team and decide second and third. Riders to the start."

Akko gathered the reins in her hands and urged Chariot forward. Her pony stepped quietly, her hooves light against the sand, her neck arching and flexing, glistening a dark copper with sweat. Akko reached down to the sock that held the line-up and dug in, pulling out a single soft peppermint that she made sure to keep with her every time she rode.

"One for the road, girl," Akko said. She bent down, stretched her hand forward, and watched as her pony turned and gently lipped it off. Chariot sucked at the mint, chewing gently, savoring the taste of the candy as she moved forward.

Andrew, too, stepped into the box. White foam spread across his Arabian's neck just beneath the reins. The small gelding's tail swished to the side and his nostrils flared with a snort as he began to prance with readiness.

Akko glanced over.

"On the flag."

The little black horse was coated in sweat. He was pristine, nerves bulging over his muscles beneath his thin skin. His long mane hung, glistening but tangled from running, covering some of Andrew's hands as he buried his fists forward into the horse's withers.

But that wasn't what caught her eye.

It was the gap between the girth and the horse's barrel. The air she could see there. It wasn't much, but it was enough.

Andrew's girth was loose.

Speed Weavers required leaning. A lot of it. A bit too much in one direction and the saddle would spin to the horse's side. Best case, Andrew fell off. Worst case, Andrew got seriously hurt in the process—and his horse, maybe, too.

It could mean victory for Akko. For Luna Nova. Andrew wouldn't be able to move as fast, he wouldn't be able to be as flexible as he normally was because he would inevitably feel the looseness of his saddle as soon as he took off.

But a spoiled victory was no victory, and so as the flag was about to fall Akko lifted her hand in the air and shouted, "Wait!"

Andrew turned, his green eyes flashing in surprise as she spun Chariot to the side and trotted quickly over.

"Your girth is loose," she said simply, pointing down toward his horse's belly.

Andrew blinked. He looked down, pushing his leg forward and rocking his body to the side to gauge the tightness of the saddle. After a moment, he lifted the flap of his saddle and grabbed the girth, pulling the buckles up a few holes until the girth was tight enough to be safe.

"Um." He glanced up, dark eyebrows stitched together in an expression Akko couldn't quite read. "Thanks, Akko."

Akko nodded. She tossed a thumb to the official and moved back into her own lane, whirling a rather confused Chariot in a circle and nudging her with her heels to get her ready.

The green flag wavered. Twitched.

And fell with a flutter.

Andrew and Akko burst from the starting box, both ponies flashing through the air until their few first strides hit the poles.

Akko refused to look at her competitor. She ignored the roar of the crowd, ignored the shouting of her teammates, ignored everything but the sound of hooves pounding the ground below her and the rhythmic roll of Chariot's breath as she dashed through the poles, her body weaving expertly.

They hit the last pole and turned. Akko rocked back, let Chariot take the lead. Her pony knew the race. Her pony was trained, her pony was smart, her pony was everything that she could have ever wanted—

Chariot rocked her hindquarters, her muscles flexing and rolling as her limbs flailed, as her hooves struck the weathered and hoof-beaten ground and dug in, as her neck bobbed and stretched in an all-out effort to reach the finish first.

And she didn't stop. She didn't stop until Akko was standing in the irons and pulling the reins in, pulling her pony to a trot, to a halt. The little mare's barrel wavered with heavy pants beneath her. Chariot lowered her nose to the ground and let out a loud snort, shaking her head until beads of sweat were spraying everywhere.

Amanda was the first to reach her.

"Good try, Akko," Amanda said quietly. "Hard to beat a million dollar horse."

The announcer bellowed the results.

"Second place goes to Appleton University. Luna Nova University third."

"Actually." Andrew's voice—much softer than Akko had ever heard it—cut in. "I found him in a feedlot in the states. He cost me $60 American and a flight home. But, you're right," he said, bowing his chin at Amanda and patting his horse's sweaty neck. "To me, he is a million dollar horse."

Akko glanced up. She met Andrew's timid smile as he moved his Arabian closer, one very sweaty hand held out before him.

"Thanks, Akko," he said. There was no hint of malice in his voice, no hint of teasing or chiding. "I really appreciate what you did."

Akko looked up, found the scoreboard.

APPLETON UNIVERSITY: 82

LUNA NOVA UNIVERSITY: 81

The corner of her lip cricked into a smile as she took Andrew's sweaty hand into her own. "Of course," she replied, fully aware of Chariot turning to blow hot air into the black gelding's nostrils. "And congratulations."

Andrew nodded. He took his hand back, gathering the reins and pulling the white band from his own helmet. "You, as well. See you next year, Akko Kagari."

"Next year, it is," Akko said.

Though she had little time to do much else, because in the next moment, she found herself flooded by loved ones. By Amanda, by Jasminka, by Constanze and Sucy and Lotte and Miss Nelson, by Okaasan and Otousan and a slightly tipsy Hannah.

And, most importantly, Diana.

* * *

Akko was full. Full of the massive meal she'd had, full of the drinks that had her head swimming just a little bit, full of love for her friends and appreciation for everything that had brought her to where she was at.

But the most important thing still waited for her, and her shoes echoed against the stone of the hollow, empty building as she walked slowly through.

The night was chilly but not cold and Akko shoved her hands deep into her pockets, finding the wrappers of the after-dinner mints she'd gotten (and also stolen from her parents and friends) and rolling them in her fingers. The smell of hay was strong, as was the fresh cedar bedding that everybody had put down for their horse's final night in the St. Andrew's barn. She could hear horses and ponies munching contentedly or pacing their stalls. Some were laying down, comfortable in their own exhaustion. An occasional whinny. An answer from another aisle.

She came to a stop in front of the stall that mattered the most and peered through the bars only to be met with soft muzzle and warm puff of air.

"Hello, gorgeous," Akko said. She felt herself grinning as unlatched the stall door and sidled inside, joined instantly by the company of her blanketed pony. Chariot began nudging around her jacket, lipping at the pockets, anxious for what she knew was inside.

"What makes you think I brought mints?" she asked, chuckling to herself as she pulled one out and unwrapped it. Chariot bobbed her head, cocking it to the side and twitching her ears in anticipation for her treat. "Yeah, you're right," Akko answered her own question. "I always do."

She offered the mint on the flat of her hand. Chariot took it with soft, careful lips, crunching down on the treat and bobbing her head in satisfaction.

"You did awesome today." Akko unwrapped another mint and Chariot immediately swallowed the one she had and went for the next. "And I'm really proud of you."

"The same could be said of you."

Akko turned. She hadn't even heard footsteps, much less been aware of the presence of somebody else. The barn had seemed empty. But there, leaning against the wooden stall door, was the pale face of a smiling Diana. Her platinum hair glistened in the moonlight that fed in through the opening of the barn, shadowing part of her features that Akko knew nonetheless.

"Did you follow me?" Akko smirked, wrapping an arm around her pony's neck and ruffling her crimped mane. "Geez, you really know how to stalk a girl, don't you?"

Diana chuckled. That low, hollow chuckle that she did when she didn't really find something funny but didn't know what to say otherwise. The latch screeched in protest as she slid it open and moved inside the stall with Akko.

"You know I'm not that kind of person," she said. "You just left the group a bit early and I figured I'd find you here. If you'd like some alone time, I understand."

Akko shook her head. She reached a hand forward, feeling Diana's cold fingers weave through her own as she moved in. "Alone time with you is just as good," she replied. "I just wanted to pay Chariot a visit. She's the real hero of the day."

Diana shrugged. She patted Chariot's hindquarters through her thick blanket. "There were a lot of heroes today. But, you're right, Chariot here is the real M.V.P."

Chariot snorted, bobbing her head as if in agreement.

Akko laughed.

"Here," she said, pulling a mint out of her pocket and offering it to Diana. "If you're going to stick around, you should teach her that you're going to spoil her too."

"Stick around?" Diana's fingers fumbled with the wrapper, blue eyes flashing in the moonlight as she met Akko's red. "Like glue. Though, not the horse-made kind," she corrected, frowning as she shoved the peppermint toward Chariot, who took it more than willingly. "Besides, I'd rather just kind of stay, if that's alright with you."

Diana was blushing. It was hard to see in the dark, but there was just enough light there that Akko could make out the cherry tinge of her cheeks.

"Staying is just fine with me," Akko said. She felt Chariot nudging her back, begging for more peppermints, but Akko had given her last one to Diana and that was that. "Sorry, girl," she cooed, patting the mare's neck and giving her a tight hug. "You can have more in the morning."

The toe of Diana's boot shuffled against the cedar. Her hands were shoved deep into the pockets of her coat as she stared down. The night had been rowdy and raucous but the scent of barn, of horse, of dirt and manure and cedar calmed her, and she felt relaxed despite the occasional shiver. She was home.

"Well, I know I can't compete with this pretty lady," Diana said at last, watching as Chariot lipped at Akko's ear to a quiet giggle. "But I'm certainly happy with falling to second in line."

"Mm." Akko turned, hand reaching forward until it found the crinkly material of Diana's coat and pulled her in. "That's where you're wrong, Cavendish."

"Wrong?" Diana blinked. She stared, her heart beating faster with the proximity of Akko's face to her own, with the heat of their bodies flowing together until the night seemed almost warm.

Like she was standing before a fire.

Akko leaned in. Her lips barely brushed against Diana's, smiling as she whispered, "Love isn't a competition. And, if it was, I think that we've both won."

"Even if it was," Diana whispered back, grinning as her arm snaked around Akko's waist and pulled her in. "Second is still better than third."

"You're a smartass," Akko mumbled. Diana's nose was cool against her own. "But you're my smartass, and I love you."

"I love you, too," Diana whispered back, fully aware of the pony that was still nudging for treats, of the bellowing neigh of a horse down the aisle, of the sound of a pony nearby pawing the bedding for a soft place to lay.

Home was Akko.

And so she kissed her.


End file.
